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Unemployment: Nigerians Urged to Adopt the Igbo Business Spirit http:///TlPTRk8d

you mess pastor refund offering

nice one just laughing at his last reply

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son,"We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to usenice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of thebedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengerswho are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late tomy office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an endto my life, you show up and drink my poison."

101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is"to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and thenpointing it at the screen. <
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keepthem tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes inyour backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for your
remote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and"accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as aquestion.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?""Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as"Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answersin a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend"tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.
The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"
Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"
Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?
Is it........
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush
Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."
"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...
No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.
Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?
Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."
(ringing)
Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."
Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be aMillion.
The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.
There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."
Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:
A-Robin
B-Sparrow
C-Cuckoo
D-Thrush"
Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."
Barbara: "You think?"
Maggie: "I'm sure."
Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)
Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on$500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"
Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"
Regis: "Is that your final answer?"
Barbara: "It is."
Regis: "Are you confident?"
Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."
Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 andyou said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.
Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."
(clapping)
That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How inGod's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?
Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."
Rate this Blonde Joke : 1
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Searching for love is probably one of the greatest mistakes anyone would ever endeavour, because most times we create a perfect picture of a god in our head. For the ladies, a tall, slim, eight-packs, broad-chest, smart, respectful, well-accomplished and well-bred christmatic, charming guy would do; and for the guys, a slim, fair, flat tummy, hour glass looking, well bred, coy damsel would do. This is only a reflection of the characters read in novels, or you find that man in the cinemas. Finding love is in fact a deception we all need to deal with.
You probably got attracted to someone and you think it's love, you cherish every moment you spend with a person and you think its love, you haven't even begun your endless search yet,
The truth they say is uugly, you don't find love, you make love. Don't get me wrong, you may find the person, you may be attracted to or awestricken at the first sight but you won't find the love, love is a bond of perfection.
"All men just want to sleep around", real truth, that is because they are attracted or turned on by what they see, that is the way they are created but not every man would sleep around , you should know that finding love either, a man who wouldn't sleep with you may as well break your heart even with a sledge hammer.
"All ladies are full of deception, in fact they mean yes when they say no". Hey Guy, don't push your luck, although i believe strongly that it doesn't cost much to make a lady say yes , but it does cost much to make her mean yes. The fact that a lady accept to go out with you does mean that she's in love with you or that you both share the same intentions, aspirations or goals about the relationship at the beginning. It may take a process. However. when a lady says "yes". don't take it to mean that her love guaranteed, you may be surprised at how much your heart is about to be broken.
Once a person introduce you as a partner as the case may be, most times it means; this is the person with whom i hope my relationship works out, and not this is the person with whom i am working my relationship out. Make sure you both define it before you take a ride to fantasy land.
Human begins are generally hopeful but with a negative mindset: I hope my relationship works out but what if we are not meant for each other, I hope i pass my exams, what if I can't cover the syllabus, I hope to build a house, but what if it won't get finished... the "hopeful" list is endless but marred with negativity. It is funny to find out that the solution or the ingredient to make your hope reality is in the "what ifs"! if you hope your relationship will work out with a person then work it out, if you know you must pass, prepare to finish the syllabus to be on the safe side, if you know you must build a house then count the cost before you start. This is not to make little potency of faith, but isn't faith without work dead?
Don't try to work a wrong relationship out, if the foundation is destroyed, your effort might be just little or even useless. Have a good reason for which you are going into a relationship so that when everything goes wrong, which is sometimes inevitable, you would still have a good reason for remaining in the relationship.
Although no man is indispensable, make sure your reason for staying in the relationship is cogent enough that it will almost be impossible to find that reason with anyone else. It must be reason enough that reason will find reasons to justify the reason; it must stand the test of time.
However, if you have tried your best to make your relationship work and it seems it keeps crashing down, take a little ponder at the foundation, were you in it for the right reasons, surely not just emotional needs, are your reasons cogent enough? If they are, find a reasonable person to talk with, someone in a meaningful relationship could be the best bet. If you are sure it's not going to work out, call it quits, don't keep on hanging on a stalk wasting your time or your partner's, you are for sure going to fall, you will only endure by a miracle, and not everyone gets a miracle!
Where your ideal picture does not match your partner, bolt! Yes, I say bolt. Don't compromise; you should not have started in the first place. else all you will find yourself doing is manipulating the other person to suit the taste of your perfect picture or become like your perfect being that never existed. Noteworthy, there is no such thing as a perfect person, but someone must match "some essentials" of the perfect one for you. Take your time to learn and know the one, he's worth waiting for.
The picture thing is a major issue in such discourse as this. painting a picture of the ideal person could be as helpful, as it is dangerous. As noted earlier, humans tend to paint appealing picture that never exist. Unlike the wishful thought of a child to fly likke superman, your ideal picture should not be base on just physical look or gait, you must take time to find out what will complement you as a person. For example, if you are in school studing law and you have painted a picture of yourself becoming a Senior Advocate or Justice, that is an ideal picture you can work on because it complements you, being a potential lawyer. But it would be foolish when you are stuying medicine and you picture yourself as a judge without the intention of going to the law school. The same principle applies in relationships, you really should know yourself first.
Therefore, the ideal picture should not be stardard gathered from the five senses, but the one garnered from the knowledgr of your personlality, what will work for you, good or bad. A sound understanding of temperaments willbe helpful here

And so what has dat got to do with nl

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operastore, lonelycatgames.com,

ok o, waiting for comfirmation

this no make small sence at all. He just pple to say he is a gud, kind and simple governor but let just wait until he steps down, so dat we will know how much he stole

[color=#990000][/color]england u have to win dis match o

pls any hope i scored 203 in jamb and i applied for electrical and electronic engineering second choice