₦airaland Forum

zoelife: Hello house,
What do you think is the best way to effectively turn down advances of the opposite sex without being rude or blunt and still being 'cool' (on good terms) with such a person. Especially when u have to (eg if he/she is ur boss, colleague, etc)

My Dear if u know of any senior manager that is close to him just spill it to him and if he is not disturbed attempt
to bring the wife into the pix, i think that will change the face of things

Pls can anybody confirm this story, a friend just sent me a BB Meassage that a bomb went off in front of the Teaching hospital.

Kindly confirm

I beg u guys this valentine thing is getting too much, tomm will come, evening will come, everybody will go to bed, its friday and life continues the hustling continues every thing is back to the way itswas. So what the big deal. Every day is valentine to me. For the lovers tomm be careful. Enjoy urself but don't destroy yourselves

Nigeria we hail, 9ja for life. Kudos

coooooooooooooooooooooollllllll ;Dcoooooooooooooooooooooollllllll

A no! no!! no!!! for ISLAMIC ENGINEERING

My wish is for God to destroy evil completely and allow peace to reign supreme forever

How to worship the Nigerian god
blog | July 19, 2012 - 5:53am | By Elnathan John
The Nigerian god is one. It may have many different manifestations, but it is essentially different sides of the same coin. Sometimes, adherents of the different sides may fight and kill each other. But Nigerians essentially follow the Nigerian god.

This article is for all those who want to become better worshippers. If you are a new or prospective convert, God will bless you for choosing the Nigerian god. This is just how you must worship him.

First, you must understand that being a worshipper has nothing to do with character, good works or righteousness. So the fact that you choose to open every meeting with multiple prayers does not mean that you intend to do what is right. The opening prayer is important. Nothing can work without it. If you are gathered to discuss how to inflate contracts, begin with an opening prayer or two. If you are gathered to discuss how to rig elections, begin with a prayer. The Nigerian god appreciates communication.

When you sneak away from your wife to call your girlfriend in the bathroom, and she asks if you will come this weekend, you must say—in addition to “Yes”—“By God’s grace” or “God willing”. It doesn’t matter the language you use. Just add it. The Nigerian god likes to be consulted before you do anything, including a trip to Obudu to see your lover.

When worshipping the Nigerian god, be loud. No, the Nigerian god is not hard of hearing. It is just that he appreciates your loud fervour, like he appreciates loud raucous music. The Nigerian god doesn’t care if you have neighbours and neither should you. When you are worshipping in your house, make sure the neighbours can’t sleep. Use loud speakers even if you are only two in the building. Anyone who complains must be evil. God will judge such a person.

Attribute everything to the Nigerian god. So, if you diverted funds from public projects and are able to afford that Phantom, when people say you have a nice car, say, “Na God”. If someone asks what the secret of all your wealth is, say, “God has been good to me”. By this you mean the Nigerian god who gave you the uncommon wisdom to re-appropriate public funds.

Consult the Nigerian god when you don’t feel like working. The Nigerian god understands that we live in a harsh climate where it is hard to do any real work. So, if you have no clue how to be in charge and things start collapsing, ask people to pray to God and ask for his intervention.

The Nigerian god loves elections and politics. When you have bribed people to get the Party nomination, used thugs to steal and stuff ballot boxes, intimidated people into either sitting at home or voting for you, lied about everything from your assets to your age, and you eventually, (through God’s grace), win the elections, you must begin by declaring that your success is the wish of God and that the other candidate should accept this will of God. It is not your fault whom the Nigerian god chooses to reward with political success. How can mere mortals complain?

The Nigerian god does not tolerate disrespect. If someone insults your religion, you must look for anyone like them and kill them. Doesn’t matter what you use—sticks, machetes, grenade launchers, IED’s, AK47’s.

The Nigerian god performs signs and wonders. He does everything from cure HIV to High BP. And the Nigerian god is creative: he can teach a person who was born blind the difference between blue and green when the man of god asks, and he can teach a person born deaf instant English. As a worshipper you must let him deliver you because every case of sickness is caused by evil demons and not infections. Every case of barrenness is caused by witches and has no scientific explanation. So instead of hospital, visit agents of the Nigerian god. But the Nigerian god does not cure corruption. Do not attempt to mock him.

If you worship the Nigerian god, you are under no obligation to be nice or kind to people who are not worshippers. They deserve no courtesy.

The Nigerian god is also online. As a worshipper, you are not obliged to be good or decent on Facebook or twitter all week except on Friday and Sunday, both of which the Nigerian god marks as holy. So you may forward obscene photos, insult people, forward lewd jokes on all days except the holy days. On those holy days, whichever applies to you, put up statuses saying how much you are crazy about God.

These days, the Nigerian god also permits tweets and Facebook updates like: "Now in Church" or "This guy in front of me needs to stop dozing" when performing acts of worship.

In all, the Nigerian god is very kind and accommodating. He gives glory and riches and private jets. And if you worship him well, he will immensely bless your hustle.

GOOD DAY, CAN YOU PLS DO AN AUTO CHECK WITH THIS VIN NUMBER 4T1BG22KXWU252074 TOYOTA CAMARY 1997/98 URGENTLY? THANKING YOU IN ADVANCE

lets wait and see, October 21st hascome and gone, its now 11/11/11. How I wish to see the faces of all these POSSESSED MEN OF GOD, after their FAILED PREDICTION. God Help us

Frobel, please what church do u now attend? pls i want know.

globexl:
Thank you Frosbel for confirming the shallowness of your own faith. the catholic church is the mothe rof all christian churches. Every christian sect and denomination sprang from it directly or indirectly. The bible that love to so much from, was assembled and put together by a synod of catholic bishops around 300AD to 325AD. The devinity of Jesus inserted into the gospels by catholic bishops at the council of Nicea in 325AD.
My point is , if the mother church is evil and fraudulent as you are alleging, then all of her offsrpings and progenys cannot be any different. An Vulture cannot give birth to doves.
If the catholic church was founded on fraud, then the entire ediffice of christianity therefore stands on the same fraud. How can it be any different.

Globexl have said it all, i would just advise u to start ur own religion, write ur own bible or doctrin. in short just do anything that has no link with the BIBLE THAT THE ROMAN CHURCH ASSEMBLED. MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN just do ur own thing, remember is a free world.

Cheers

whats is really happening  GOD HELP US.

Thank Good for these History lessons, it brought back memories leaving at Dodan Barracks, at least as a young man i witnessed The change of power from Shagari to Buhari to Babagida( Okar's attempted foiled coup). till they left lagos to Abuja, meen it was not fun at all leaving in the barracks, when there is a change of power. Okar's foiled coup was my very first experience of seeing Soldiers shooting and running at the Federal radio Cop Nig and the ikoyi cementary. That story will come some other day, i dont pray to be in a war zone at all.

Thanks GenBUHARI

Collecting BRIBE and Giving BRIBE, just an accepted norm in the society. APPRECIATION IN ENVELOPES

Thanks Nairaland, I think I will show my brothers’ wife the replies of everybody that has contributed to this topic. It saddens me that so many people still take advice from Pastors that are not well founded on the word of God. A true man of God will see the consequences of this type of advice and would encourage the individual feeling the pain to forgive and move on, instead of going to REPORT HERSELF, BEFORE GOD WILL FORGIVE HER SINS. God help us all.

Joagbaje:
That is not restitution, it is confession. Resitution is to restore what was stolen, in this case, nothing has been restored . It only brought problem that can lead to more terrible things. I don't want to condemn the pastor but he could have done better than that.

Thanks i really appreciate your comment, the problem now is the wife is really finding it hard i mean very hard to forgive the husband, she told me this morning that she has made up her mind not to trust the husband again.

otitokoro1:
Exodus 22:1,Leviticus 5:15,Leviticus 6:4 and Luke 19

Leviticus preaches going to a priest to atone for your wrong doings , Zacchaeus gave back to the society he stole from. None of this people involed went back to the real people that they offended. is it proper for a man of God to give such negative directive.

alexleo:
@tpia,
before restitution takes place there must be genuine repentance in the person wo wants to do it. Once that genuine repentance is there, all emotional attachments are disamantled. Remember, with God nothing shall be impossible. Thats why prayer is needed too. Its not done in flesh but by the help of the Holy spirit of God. God bless you.

From what i learnt the lady wants to pay back really hard, but my question is WHAT IS THE END RESULT OF THIS RESTITUTION, WHAT WILL BE THE PASTOR'S NEXT MOVE FOR HER, In as much as i feel bad for my brother, i want somebody out there to tell me whether my brother can take a step futher to see a lawyer, pls what do u guys think.

nuella2:
Your brother's wife should go back home and work out her marriage. she should forgive her husband and move on. If am the wife, i will personally invite that lady over and talk sense into her head. I think she did it ignorantly, i will teach her the word of God, so she does not do that to another family.

Thanks i appreciate

donkarly:
y not tell us wot happened so we'll know what to advise

Yesterday, my Younger Brother came to me, He is married. he told me that he dated a young lady some six months back and the parting was not to good. some time last year December he tried making peace by sending a Christmas text not for anything but just a friendly text as being sent during Christmas, she replied by warning my brother not to bother her and warned him not to EVER call or send text to her line. Being the kind of person he is, sent a message for her to practice what she preaches since he now discovered that she is now with a FIRE FIRE BRAND church and strong born Again
From no where this lady appeared at my brother's house when my brother left for the office and downloaded everything to the wife. She went ballistic and heartbroken and asked the lady why she came to inform her after six months of separation. She said she was directed to do it by her pastor and was sorry for every thing.

What can one do to such a lady?  My brother's wife is presently staying with me and my brother has been begging the wife to forgive him, this whole thing is making me mad about what some people can do in the name of religion

Thanks Fire Brand i think it will take time for me to forgive, i am just hurt and feeling bad that a MAN OF GOD was involved. WHAT WILL THE RESTITUTION DO TO THE PERSON CONFESSING, and do some pastors care to know the repercussion of such confession on a marrige. pls somebody talk to me plsssssssssss

Thanks Neotic for your advise, Yes I am a christain now, i will think about what you have just said, all this FIRE FIRE BRAND CHURCH should b checked.

Otitokoro, the so called Man of God is a branch pastor in Lagos, may be later i will give all the infor for people to just beware of the churches they attend.

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen this is a crazy crazy world i tell u

Pls i need replies from the men of God on this forum, i am about doing something very nasty

Restitution.

Ladies, what will be your reaction if a lady walks up to you and start apologising for dating your husband for few months and giving a graphic picture of all that happened during the months of the relationship and telling you that she was directed by her pastor to come forward before her prayers could be answered.

And for the guys how will you handle such when a fellow man walks up to you with same intention, all in the name of PASTORS DIRECTIVE.

Seun please call all your pastors on Nairaland to explain this to me cause I am aggrieved with a fire fire brand church presently.

RSAMAN:
nollywood actors and the rest of the crew should go study filmmaking, i'm sick of the pile of crap  i see at every corner of every street in my town. what nollywood is doing is trying to discover everything that is already been discovered, you don't have to discover what is already been discovered but you have to study it and once you have, then you can proceed to discover new things. example: If you wanted to be a tv set manufacturer, that doesn't mean you have to start from discovering how the first tv set was made, otherwise you'd be living in the 1910s and you would take about 100 years to get to how tv is today. One word to nollywood is: STUDY!

My Brother pls tell them, i am sick of looking at a poster and getting the message or knowing what happens at the end. it seems every body wants to make quick money, no time for classic films. NIGERIANS WAKE UP PLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

1. waka waka
2. Chop chop.
3. small small.
4. slow slow.

U guys are missing some names
1. Bomboy
2. Babie
3. Teekay
4. Dankuwa
5. Bilikisu
6. Shakirat.
7. Gbom.
8. Etc Etc Etc

seyibrown:
Do you think it is right that Churches join a couple who have clearly committed fornication together? As the church preaches against fornication, why does it join such couples together? Is it not indirectly saying it is okay to commit fornication? Some churches do not join such couples together but many clearly do as we see all these weddings with heavily pregnant ladies on show! Are there no alternatives to getting married in the church? Why won't our churches take a firm stand on the matter?
Please share your opinion with us!

so what happens if by mistake three months to ur wedding u take in, would u abort the pregnancy or cancel the wedding? or Go ahead with the wedding

'I swear to God am a Christian' my guy remember God, its all Good