₦airaland Forum

Centrallock:
hey you look nice on your d.p, can i send you a d.m?

coming2america:
Kai...haaamty you talk too muvh..you are quite a handful. I will behave like him too.

That said, its cos you refused to give hom sex. Its that simple. Telling a grown ass no sex till marriage. Why wont he be aggrabated.

He just didnt have the liver to tell you.

If you both are talking about you staying in a spare bedroom in your supposed man's house- you guys are not even in a relatonship. You are just talking or in a flirtationship.


As for me tho, i can never be in a no sex relationship. Never. I lett a good girl go only last month. How we no go dey fvck?

samso247:
How? Am just saying the truth o

roteblomen:
If he is violent for example, will you also say its your fault? You should understand that when people treats you bad, lacks integrity and two-faced, it is not because you did something wrong, but because you're just finding out a part of them you never knew existed. Time would have revealed this naturally to you, but because you jumped straight into a relationship without starting out as friends first, you've became emotionally invested and left shattered.

Also, some red flags that you should have detected was to find out why his ex wife divorced and returned his bride price, that's one hell of a bad sign. Returned bride price ? Wow. It's obvious you did everything within your power to be a good woman, but even if you're the most delicious apple in the world, some people will not appreciate or even like apple. You just have to be patience with new relationship and don't jump into one quickly.

Lastly, be aware that one of your weakest state, especially for a woman is when she is in love. Youll be vulnerable, flexible in your boundaries, and assume the person is want a good partner should be, instead of see them for what they truly are. This is known as the "halo effect", which means that when we like something/someone, we always think them to be good and have the best of intentions. Unless you're desperate, you should become friends first, before progressing to a romantic relationship. Of course you can be friends for a month first, but the intensity of friendship matters, so you can know him well. Other than this, take heart. He doesn't deserve you.

roteblomen:
How exactly did her post inferred this ? In order words, where in her post gave you the impression that she sees him as an object of utility to achieve a self-interest desire ?

Bakare19:
I think this captures and perfectly chronicles the op's experience. All I see is emotional instability all around. She should allow the relationship takes it course, going forward.

SweetCuntess:
LMFAO. Abi who in their senses would limit themselves like that? Besides if d story is true, d guy probably came for sexx sha. NL guys eh

cryingeyes:
I met a guy two months ago. He's a Nairalander but not an active one. He's Ibo, while I'm Yoruba. He's 40, I'm 33 and approaching mid-30s next year. When we started talking we realized we're in the same country outside Nigeria and he just so happens to live in the city I've been wanting to move to, which we thought was an interesting coincidence. This city is a 3-hour flight away.

We would talk on the phone almost daily. A month later/early last month, he asked me to be in a relationship with him and I accepted. I told him about the things I've been through. He promised to love me unconditionally and never leave me. We never argued once. I thought I had met an amazing man with all the qualities I'm looking for. I don't care so much about the physical but I thought he had all the characteristics I want in a man. Until we met in person two weeks ago.

Fast forward to two weeks ago he came to visit me in my city. I went to welcome him at the airport and was so happy to see him, although being an introvert (which he knows) I may not have shown it that much outwardly but I told him and thanked him numerous for coming to see me. He rented an AirBnB to stay in. We kissed passionately that night (no sex - I had told him I'm waiting for marriage) and I fell for him all the more. He's the second man I've ever kissed and great kisser, at that.

The next day we were going out (he had rented a car for a couple of days) and that day he was taking me somewhere and was to pick me up later that afternoon). In the car, all I did was ask him to go a different route that would get us to our destination faster and was an easier route than the initial one, and he got angry and flared up that I'm asking him to go another direction, I should know he's not used to driving in my city, he doesn't want to get into an accident. He just went on and on chastising me over something I felt he should've been appreciative for since he could get back to the AirBnB faster and go back to sleep. I couldn't believe he was the same man I had been talking to on the phone, as he had always been calm during our communication prior to meeting. I didn't know he had a temper but I was seeing it at that moment. When it was time for me to get off, I said "bye" to him and he ignored me, then zoomed off like he was in a racecar. Thankfully it was an empty street. I cried and sent him a text not long after that he should have a safe flight back to his city because I wouldn't see him again because of how he had just treated me. We exchanged texts back and forth, he was angry about my text and said something about wanting to take the next flight back to his city. I asked him to call me to talk things out and he refused, that I should call him if I wanted to talk to him. I called him and he was upset about my text. I didn't want him to leave and hurridly took a $45 taxi ride to meet him at the AirBnB. I apologized for my text and he also apologized for his behaviour. He said he was falling in love with me and didn't know what to do. We talked but he was still sleepy, so I lwent to watch Tv on the couch while he slept on the bed. When he got up, we watched some Tv shows and movies and then went out later to get some food.

The next day, I prepared some food for him, from my place. Before meeting I had mentioned to him during a conversation that I like to cook and wanted to cook for him. I told him I don't like being single since I've to eat all the things by myself and wanted someone to cook for and he said he couldn't wait for me to cook for him. He had also told me he pays people there to cook for him, so I wanted to make some things for him to last him two or three days. We were to meet a few hours later, so I spent those hours cooking: fish pies, fried rice, lamb, shrimp. I had also bought two things for him and took those along with the food I hade made for him. I had to make sure I give these things to him, as he was returning to his city the next day. When we saw again that afternoon, the first thing he told me was that his ancestors don't eat lamb, which he had never told me before. I felt he wasn't appreciative of my efforts but he later managed to say thank you. I wanted us to go somewhere that afternoon but he didn't want to go, so we just watched tv. I spent the time and again, no sex; he never pressured me and had said he would wait till whenever I'm ready.

The next morning, for some reason it skipped my mind to follow him to the airport and say goodbye to him there, coupled with the conversation the previous night about him not wanting to be late, I thought he would be better if I didn't follow him there to say goodbye. He had mentioned not wanting to be late for his flight the next morning and I assumed this meant it would be better for me to not go with him to the airport to see him off there. He dropped me off at my place (we kissed and said goodbye in the car), then he headed to the airport back to his city. I sent him texts both on WhatsApp and on his phone to have a safe flight, told him I appreciated him coming to see me (I had also thanked him several times throughout his stay) and told him "someone's missing you already". He replied with a smiley and we we sent a few texts back and forth, mostly about him waiting to board the flight.

After his visit, the relationship wasn't the same. He would reply my texts hours later, saying he was sleeping and with only a few words. It was during a conversation a few days later that I got to find out he was upset because I hadn't followed him to the airport to say goodbye and I thought 'omg'. It had skipped my mind the morning he headed back and again, with the conversation the night before his return, I thought perhaps I shouldn't go with him. It was simply an error of thinking of my part but one I felt awful about. I apologized to him and told him how bad I felt bad now that I realized I hadn't gone with him to the airport to see him off/say goodbye to him there. It now dawned on me why he was giving attitude in the car that morning on the way to the airport. He kept singing to the songs on the radio, which was fine, but I felt ignored. At one time he asked me a question and before I finished answering he cut me off and started singing again. When I found out this was why he was upset days later, I tried to explain that it wasn't intentional, that it had skipped my mind and if he had just told me or reminded me in the case, I would've gone with him. The airport is close to my house, so it wasn't as if it was far or I had any reason for not going with him, other than it skipping my mind, perhaps because I had misunderstood the previous night's convo, but he barely heard my side or even let me speak because he was literally yelling at on the phone. A few days later I sent him a text asking if his heart was still in the relationship and he called me right away that it was, we talked, then he sent me a text that he cared about me, which was reassuring.

We didn't talk much after that call or he would barely respond to my texts, but days later I sent him a text asking what we would do when I visit his city. As stated above, I wanted to move to his city prior to coming across this man but had some doubts about moving there, which I shared with him when we started communicating. He had invited me then to come stay with him for a few days to check out the city to enable me to decide. He has an extra room in his apartment that I would sleep in, but I was hesitant and changed my mind about this a few times, which annoyed him. During his trip here I accepted the offer. He never asked for sex throughout his stay, so I was more confident that I would be safe staying with him for a weekend. He said I had to pay for the flight ticket/roundtrip (about $300) myself and I told him okay. Back to the text about what we do during my visit: I had asked him this because he didn't want to do much during his visit here, granted we're technically still on lockdown and most places are closed but we could've gone to some other places - he didn't want to. I also asked because I knew he would be tired from his night shift job and would sleep during the day, or work his second job that he also does during the day when he's not sleeping. I didn't want to visit him and just sit at his apartment without going anywhere, as he would either be at work, or sleeping. His responded 3-hrs later was a "zipped mouth smiley" and didn't bother to say anything else. I felt he should've said something and not just send me a smiley. I sent him a response that I may not come there if we aren't going to go out and he replied with an "Ok". I know he was upset by that and thought I was changing my mind about visiting him. He had wanted me to move there to grow our relationship, but he didn't talk to me after that text. I felt he was slipping away and I couldn't pinpoint why. I blocked him, and I admit I did block him on two previous occasions when I didn't like his reaction to things but he would either call me outside WhatsApp to ask why I blocked him or I would later unblock him that day, apologize for blocking him and we would start talking again. I know he didn't like the blocking because he said his ex-wife also did the same anytime they argued. He was seeing every communication as an argument and I didn't get it; I wasn't sure how to communicate with him anymore because he just started overreacting to things, especially after we met in person. I felt at times he was projecting whatever happened in his marriage towards me, like anytime I asked him a question to understand something he would see it as a argument or a back-and-forth, while I would tell him I was just trying to understand him or the discussion and I always told him this. Last week I sent him a text telling him we should decide if he we should continue the relationship and he didn't respond. Two days later I texted him that he should've responded but I got his response from his silence, called him abusive, fake/pretentious because he was a totally different man from how he had portrayed himself over the phone and I thanked him for showing me his true colours. He responded with an "Ok" and that was the last of our communication.

I'm heartbroken and have been trying to figure out what went wrong. Before him, the one relationship I've been in was almost a decade ago and when we started talking, I told him this, and that he would have to be patient with me because I haven't been in a relationship in years, that I'm still a learner as far as relationship goes and he should always tell me if I do anything wrong for us to work it out. He told me he was in my life to stay and wasn't going to leave me for any reason. We had talked about getting married and how we want to raise kids, even asked what type of ring I want. I told him I'm not particular about any, that it's the thought that counts and he said if he gets me one we could always change it later. I'm not desperate for marriage and never been one to jump into any relationship. He was the one saying we would get married and wanted to marry me. He was previously married (his marriage ended last year, no kids) and currently finalizing his divorce papers with his ex-wife who left him and returned her bride price back to his family. I never judged him for being previously married, but always encouraged him and would tell him I was proud of him (he works two jobs), sent him an online card last month on his 40th bday, praying for and encouraging him. I don't know his address, else I would've sent him a gift, as I'm very giving and love buying things for people. When we first started chatting two months ago and he told me about a problem of his, I sprung to take a photo of the perfect solution for him so he could buy it for himself to use, which he bought and did thank me for because it works. Anytime he would tell me about a problem I always offered solutions or suggestions to help him out. I was always ready to share ideas with him and tell him things I know that he may not. Idk what else I could've done to show him I cared. Idk if he met someone else but I do know he chats with other women on Whatsapp, though he says some are married and they're only friends.

I'm hurt. Because I finally let a man into my life again only for him to leave me in pieces. Because he never meant the promises he made to me. Because I feel like a fool believing he would never leave me like he had said. Because I miss him so much and don't know how to console myself.

I'm about to be single for another 10 years, but I just want y'all to tell me where I went wrong or what I did wrong.

Sorry for the long post. I just needed someone to talk to.

Pls, don't quote the post (I may delete it later).

missimelda01:
Thank you, please edit your post and clear my comment..you can send a DM after that.

Thank you all, for the kind advices and words of wisdom. God bless y'all.

@Offpoint1



This thread has been therapeutic and eye-opening for me.
God is good.

sandraade:
Though, I’m not an expert in this topic, but having read through your post, I can say the man already see you as a desperate for a marriage. Look else where for your hubby. This guy is not fit for you

I met a guy two months ago. He's a Nairalander but not an active one. He's Ibo, while I'm Yoruba. He's 40, I'm approaching mid-30s next year. When we started talking we realized we're in the same country outside Nigeria and he just so happens to live in the city I've been wanting to move to, which we thought was an interesting coincidence. This city is a 3-hour flight away.

We would talk on the phone almost daily. A month later/early last month, he asked me to be in a relationship with him and I accepted. I told him about the things I've been through. He promised to love me unconditionally and never leave me. We never argued once. I thought I had met an amazing man with all the qualities I'm looking for. I don't care so much about the physical but I thought he had all the characteristics I want in a man. Until we met in person two weeks ago.

Fast forward to two weeks ago he came to visit me in my city. I went to welcome him at the airport and was so happy to see him, although being an introvert (which he knows) I may not have shown it that much outwardly but I told him and thanked him numerous for coming to see me. He rented an AirBnB to stay in. We kissed passionately that night (no sex - I had told him I'm waiting for marriage) and I fell for him all the more. He's the second man I've ever kissed and great kisser, at that.

The next day we were going out (he had rented a car for a couple of days) and that day he was taking me somewhere and was to pick me up later that afternoon). In the car, all I did was ask him to go a different route that would get us to our destination faster and was an easier route than the initial one, and he got angry and flared up that I'm asking him to go another direction, I should know he's not used to driving in my city, he doesn't want to get into an accident. He just went on and on chastising me over something I felt he should've been appreciative for since he could get back to the AirBnB faster and go back to sleep. I couldn't believe he was the same man I had been talking to on the phone, as he had always been calm during our communication prior to meeting. I didn't know he had a temper but I was seeing it at that moment. When it was time for me to get off, I said "bye" to him and he ignored me, then zoomed off like he was in a racecar. Thankfully it was an empty street. I cried and sent him a text not long after that he should have a safe flight back to his city because I wouldn't see him again because of how he had just treated me. We exchanged texts back and forth, he was angry about my text and said something about wanting to take the next flight back to his city. I asked him to call me to talk things out and he refused, that I should call him if I wanted to talk to him. I called him and he was upset about my text. I didn't want him to leave and hurridly took a $45 taxi ride to meet him at the AirBnB. I apologized for my text and he also apologized for his behaviour. He said he was falling in love with me and didn't know what to do. We talked but he was still sleepy, so I lwent to watch Tv on the couch while he slept on the bed. When he got up, we watched some Tv shows and movies and then went out later to get some food.

The next day, I prepared some food for him, from my place. Before meeting I had mentioned to him during a conversation that I like to cook and wanted to cook for him. I told him I don't like being single since I've to eat all the things by myself and wanted someone to cook for and he said he couldn't wait for me to cook for him. He had also told me he pays people there to cook for him, so I wanted to make some things for him to last him two or three days. We were to meet a few hours later, so I spent those hours cooking: fish pies, fried rice, lamb, shrimp. I had also bought two things for him and took those along with the food I hade made for him. I had to make sure I give these things to him, as he was returning to his city the next day. When we saw again that afternoon, the first thing he told me was that his ancestors don't eat lamb, which he had never told me before. I felt he wasn't appreciative of my efforts but he later managed to say thank you. I wanted us to go somewhere that afternoon but he didn't want to go, so we just watched tv. I spent the time and again, no sex; he never pressured me and had said he would wait till whenever I'm ready.

The next morning, for some reason it skipped my mind to follow him to the airport and say goodbye to him there, coupled with the conversation the previous night about him not wanting to be late, I thought he would be better if I didn't follow him there to say goodbye. He had mentioned not wanting to be late for his flight the next morning and I assumed this meant it would be better for me to not go with him to the airport to see him off there. He dropped me off at my place (we kissed and said goodbye in the car), then he headed to the airport back to his city.

After his visit, the relationship wasn't the same. He would reply my texts hours later, saying he was sleeping and with only a few words. It was during a conversation a few days later that I got to find out he was upset because I hadn't followed him to the airport to say goodbye and I thought 'omg'. It had skipped my mind the morning he headed back and again, with the conversation the night before his return, I thought perhaps I shouldn't go with him. It was simply an error of thinking of my part but one I felt awful about. I apologized to him and told him how bad I felt bad now that I realized I hadn't gone with him to the airport to see him off/say goodbye to him there. It now dawned on me why he was giving attitude in the car that morning on the way to the airport. He kept singing to the songs on the radio, which was fine, but I felt ignored. At one time he asked me a question and before I finished answering he cut me off and started singing again. When I found out this was why he was upset days later, I tried to explain that it wasn't intentional, that it had skipped my mind and if he had just told me or reminded me in the case, I would've gone with him. The airport is close to my house, so it wasn't as if it was far or I had any reason for not going with him, other than it skipping my mind, perhaps because I had misunderstood the previous night's convo, but he barely heard my side or even let me speak because he was literally yelling at on the phone. A few days later I sent him a text asking if his heart was still in the relationship and he called me right away that it was, we talked, then he sent me a text that he cared about me, which was reassuring.

We didn't talk much after that call or he would barely respond to my texts, but days later I sent him a text asking what we would do when I visit his city. As stated above, I wanted to move to his city prior to coming across this man but had some doubts about moving there, which I shared with him when we started communicating. He had invited me then to come stay with him for a few days to check out the city to enable me to decide. He has an extra room in his apartment that I would sleep in, but I was hesitant and changed my mind about this a few times, which annoyed him. During his trip here I accepted the offer. He never asked for sex throughout his stay, so I was more confident that I would be safe staying with him for a weekend. He said I had to pay for the flight ticket/roundtrip (about $300) myself and I told him okay. Back to the text about what we do during my visit: I had asked him this because he didn't want to do much during his visit here, granted we're technically still on lockdown and most places are closed but we could've gone to some other places - he didn't want to. I also asked because I knew he would be tired from his night shift job and would sleep during the day, or work his second job that he also does during the day when he's not sleeping. I didn't want to visit him and just sit at his apartment without going anywhere, as he would either be at work, or sleeping. His responded 3-hrs later was a "zipped mouth smiley" and didn't bother to say anything else. I felt he should've said something and not just send me a smiley. I sent him a response that I may not come there if we aren't going to go out and he replied with an "Ok". I know he was upset by that and thought I was changing my mind about visiting him. He had wanted me to move there to grow our relationship, but he didn't talk to me after that text. I felt he was slipping away and I couldn't pinpoint why. I blocked him, and I admit I did block him on two previous occasions when I didn't like his reaction to things but he would either call me outside WhatsApp to ask why I blocked him or I would later unblock him that day, apologize for blocking him and we would start talking again. I know he didn't like the blocking because he said his ex-wife also did the same anytime they argued. He was seeing every communication as an argument and I didn't get it; I wasn't sure how to communicate with him anymore because he just started overreacting to things, especially after we met in person. I felt at times he was projecting whatever happened in his marriage towards me, like anytime I asked him a question to understand something he would see it as a argument or a back-and-forth, while I would tell him I was just trying to understand him or the discussion and I always told him this. Last week I sent him a text telling him we should decide if he we should continue the relationship and he didn't respond. Two days later I texted him that he should've responded but I got his response from his silence, called him abusive, fake/pretentious because he was a totally different man from how he had portrayed himself over the phone and I thanked him for showing me his true colours. He responded with an "Ok" and that was the last of our communication.

I'm heartbroken and have been trying to figure out what went wrong. Before him, the one relationship I've been in was almost a decade ago and when we started talking, I told him this, and that he would have to be patient with me because I haven't been in a relationship in years, that I'm still a learner as far as relationship goes and he should always tell me if I do anything wrong for us to work it out. He told me he was in my life to stay and wasn't going to leave me for any reason. We had talked about getting married and how we want to raise kids, even asked what type of ring I want. I told him I'm not particular about any, that it's the thought that counts and he said if he gets me one we could always change it later. I'm not desperate for marriage and never been one to jump into any relationship. He was the one saying we would get married and wanted to marry me. He was previously married (his marriage ended last year, no kids) and currently finalizing his divorce papers with his ex-wife who left him and returned her bride price back to his family. I never judged him for being previously married, but always encouraged him and would tell him I was proud of him (he works two jobs), sent him an online card last month on his 40th bday, praying for and encouraging him. I don't know his address, else I would've sent him a gift, as I'm very giving and love buying things for people. When we first started chatting two months ago and he told me about a problem of his, I sprung to take a photo of the perfect solution for him so he could buy it for himself to use, which he bought and did thank me for because it works. Anytime he would tell me about a problem I always offered solutions or suggestions to help him out. I was always ready to share ideas with him and tell him things I know that he may not. Idk what else I could've done to show him I cared. Idk if he met someone else but I do know he chats with other women on Whatsapp, though he says some are married and they're only friends.

I'm hurt. Because I finally let a man into my life again only for him to leave me in pieces. Because he never meant the promises he made to me. Because I feel like a fool believing he would never leave me like he had said. Because I miss him so much and don't know how to console myself.

I'm about to be single for another 10 years, but I just want y'all to tell me where I went wrong or what I did wrong.

Sorry for the long post. I just needed someone to talk to.

Pls, don't quote the post (I may delete it later).

samso247:
The truth is that the man is angry, because u refused giving him punany. Imagine traveling from another city to another city to see a gal, and it's just kissing. E pain d man gahn, but he doesn't know how to go about it.


Am just saying ooo

I met a guy two months ago. He's a Nairalander but not an active one. He's Ibo, while I'm Yoruba. He's 40, I'm approaching mid-30s next year. When we started talking we realized we're in the same country outside Nigeria and he just so happens to live in the city I've been wanting to move to, which we thought was an interesting coincidence. This city is a 3-hour flight away.

We would talk on the phone almost daily. A month later/early last month, he asked me to be in a relationship with him and I accepted. I told him about the things I've been through. He promised to love me unconditionally and never leave me. We never argued once. I thought I had met an amazing man with all the qualities I'm looking for. I don't care so much about the physical but I thought he had all the characteristics I want in a man. Until we met in person two weeks ago.

Fast forward to two weeks ago he came to visit me in my city. I went to welcome him at the airport and was so happy to see him, although being an introvert (which he knows) I may not have shown it that much outwardly but I told him and thanked him numerous for coming to see me. He rented an AirBnB to stay in. We kissed passionately that night (no sex - I had told him I'm waiting for marriage) and I fell for him all the more. He's the second man I've ever kissed and great kisser, at that.

The next day we were going out (he had rented a car for a couple of days) and that day he was taking me somewhere and was to pick me up later that afternoon). In the car, all I did was ask him to go a different route that would get us to our destination faster and was an easier route than the initial one, and he got angry and flared up that I'm asking him to go another direction, I should know he's not used to driving in my city, he doesn't want to get into an accident. He just went on and on chastising me over something I felt he should've been appreciative for since he could get back to the AirBnB faster and go back to sleep. I couldn't believe he was the same man I had been talking to on the phone, as he had always been calm during our communication prior to meeting. I didn't know he had a temper but I was seeing it at that moment. When it was time for me to get off, I said "bye" to him and he ignored me, then zoomed off like he was in a racecar. Thankfully it was an empty street. I cried and sent him a text not long after that he should have a safe flight back to his city because I wouldn't see him again because of how he had just treated me. We exchanged texts back and forth, he was angry about my text and said something about wanting to take the next flight back to his city. I asked him to call me to talk things out and he refused, that I should call him if I wanted to talk to him. I called him and he was upset about my text. I didn't want him to leave and hurridly took a $45 taxi ride to meet him at the AirBnB. I apologized for my text and he also apologized for his behaviour. He said he was falling in love with me and didn't know what to do. We talked but he was still sleepy, so I lwent to watch Tv on the couch while he slept on the bed. When he got up, we watched some Tv shows and movies and then went out later to get some food.

The next day, I prepared some food for him, from my place. Before meeting I had mentioned to him during a conversation that I like to cook and wanted to cook for him. I told him I don't like being single since I've to eat all the things by myself and wanted someone to cook for and he said he couldn't wait for me to cook for him. He had also told me he pays people there to cook for him, so I wanted to make some things for him to last him two or three days. We were to meet a few hours later, so I spent those hours cooking: fish pies, fried rice, lamb, shrimp. I had also bought two things for him and took those along with the food I hade made for him. I had to make sure I give these things to him, as he was returning to his city the next day. When we saw again that afternoon, the first thing he told me was that his ancestors don't eat lamb, which he had never told me before. I felt he wasn't appreciative of my efforts but he later managed to say thank you. I wanted us to go somewhere that afternoon but he didn't want to go, so we just watched tv. I spent the time and again, no sex; he never pressured me and had said he would wait till whenever I'm ready.

The next morning, for some reason it skipped my mind to follow him to the airport and say goodbye to him there, coupled with the conversation the previous night about him not wanting to be late, I thought he would be better if I didn't follow him there to say goodbye. He had mentioned not wanting to be late for his flight the next morning and I assumed this meant it would be better for me to not go with him to the airport to see him off there. He dropped me off at my place (we kissed and said goodbye in the car), then he headed to the airport back to his city.

After his visit, the relationship wasn't the same. He would reply my texts hours later, saying he was sleeping and with only a few words. It was during a conversation a few days later that I got to find out he was upset because I hadn't followed him to the airport to say goodbye and I thought 'omg'. It had skipped my mind the morning he headed back and again, with the conversation the night before his return, I thought perhaps I shouldn't go with him. It was simply an error of thinking of my part but one I felt awful about. I apologized to him and told him how bad I felt bad now that I realized I hadn't gone with him to the airport to see him off/say goodbye to him there. It now dawned on me why he was giving attitude in the car that morning on the way to the airport. He kept singing to the songs on the radio, which was fine, but I felt ignored. At one time he asked me a question and before I finished answering he cut me off and started singing again. When I found out this was why he was upset days later, I tried to explain that it wasn't intentional, that it had skipped my mind and if he had just told me or reminded me in the case, I would've gone with him. The airport is close to my house, so it wasn't as if it was far or I had any reason for not going with him, other than it skipping my mind, perhaps because I had misunderstood the previous night's convo, but he barely heard my side or even let me speak because he was literally yelling at on the phone. A few days later I sent him a text asking if his heart was still in the relationship and he called me right away that it was, we talked, then he sent me a text that he cared about me, which was reassuring.

We didn't talk much after that call or he would barely respond to my texts, but days later I sent him a text asking what we would do when I visit his city. As stated above, I wanted to move to his city prior to coming across this man but had some doubts about moving there, which I shared with him when we started communicating. He had invited me then to come stay with him for a few days to check out the city to enable me to decide. He has an extra room in his apartment that I would sleep in, but I was hesitant and changed my mind about this a few times, which annoyed him. During his trip here I accepted the offer. He never asked for sex throughout his stay, so I was more confident that I would be safe staying with him for a weekend. He said I had to pay for the flight ticket/roundtrip (about $300) myself and I told him okay. Back to the text about what we do during my visit: I had asked him this because he didn't want to do much during his visit here, granted we're technically still on lockdown and most places are closed but we could've gone to some other places - he didn't want to. I also asked because I knew he would be tired from his night shift job and would sleep during the day, or work his second job that he also does during the day when he's not sleeping. I didn't want to visit him and just sit at his apartment without going anywhere, as he would either be at work, or sleeping. His responded 3-hrs later was a "zipped mouth smiley" and didn't bother to say anything else. I felt he should've said something and not just send me a smiley. I sent him a response that I may not come there if we aren't going to go out and he replied with an "Ok". I know he was upset by that and thought I was changing my mind about visiting him. He had wanted me to move there to grow our relationship, but he didn't talk to me after that text. I felt he was slipping away and I couldn't pinpoint why. I blocked him, and I admit I did block him on two previous occasions when I didn't like his reaction to things but he would either call me outside WhatsApp to ask why I blocked him or I would later unblock him that day, apologize for blocking him and we would start talking again. I know he didn't like the blocking because he said his ex-wife also did the same anytime they argued. He was seeing every communication as an argument and I didn't get it; I wasn't sure how to communicate with him anymore because he just started overreacting to things, especially after we met in person. I felt at times he was projecting whatever happened in his marriage towards me, like anytime I asked him a question to understand something he would see it as a argument or a back-and-forth, while I would tell him I was just trying to understand him or the discussion and I always told him this. Last week I sent him a text telling him we should decide if he we should continue the relationship and he didn't respond. Two days later I texted him that he should've responded but I got his response from his silence, called him abusive, fake/pretentious because he was a totally different man from how he had portrayed himself over the phone and I thanked him for showing me his true colours. He responded with an "Ok" and that was the last of our communication.

I'm heartbroken and have been trying to figure out what went wrong. Before him, the one relationship I've been in was almost a decade ago and when we started talking, I told him this, and that he would have to be patient with me because I haven't been in a relationship in years, that I'm still a learner as far as relationship goes and he should always tell me if I do anything wrong for us to work it out. He told me he was in my life to stay and wasn't going to leave me for any reason. We had talked about getting married and how we want to raise kids, even asked what type of ring I want. I told him I'm not particular about any, that it's the thought that counts and he said if he gets me one we could always change it later. I'm not desperate for marriage and never been one to jump into any relationship. He was the one saying we would get married and wanted to marry me. He was previously married (his marriage ended last year, no kids) and currently finalizing his divorce papers with his ex-wife who left him and returned her bride price back to his family. I never judged him for being previously married, but always encouraged him and would tell him I was proud of him (he works two jobs), sent him an online card last month on his 40th bday, praying for and encouraging him. I don't know his address, else I would've sent him a gift, as I'm very giving and love buying things for people. When we first started chatting two months ago and he told me about a problem of his, I sprung to take a photo of the perfect solution for him so he could buy it for himself to use, which he bought and did thank me for because it works. Anytime he would tell me about a problem I always offered solutions or suggestions to help him out. I was always ready to share ideas with him and tell him things I know that he may not. Idk what else I could've done to show him I cared. Idk if he met someone else but I do know he chats with other women on Whatsapp, though he says some are married and they're only friends.

I'm hurt. Because I finally let a man into my life again only for him to leave me in pieces. Because he never meant the promises he made to me. Because I feel like a fool believing he would never leave me like he had said. Because I miss him so much and don't know how to console myself.

I'm about to be single for another 10 years, but I just want y'all to tell me where I went wrong or what I did wrong.

Sorry for the long post. I just needed someone to talk to.

Pls, don't quote the post (I may delete it later).