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I Need Your Opinion Please - Family - Nairaland

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I Need Your Opinion Please by Kindaheart32: 9:15am On Aug 13, 2021
I chose to post this in the family sections because I feel I will have nothing but a great opinion I can work with
I am in a serious relationship that focuses on getting married to each other. My girl is the most wonderful soul a man will ever be with. It has been two years and covid 19 deal with us. I noticed that anytime things went south for me, my lady will come with some attitudes. Note she doesn't depend on me because she has her job and we spend money on each other. I am a blessed person which God always Crown my efforts with something to show. So it's not like I am bad luck, right now I am rich( if you know what I mean) but I know things will improve.
Here is my problem: I have a female friend who has been disturbing me to relocate me to the US on the condition that I marry her and create a life for myself. We have been friends for years and she has supported me financially twice.
I keep telling her I have a serious relationship. Before this my friend, there was another who gave me the same offers I turn the lady down. I didn't want to hurt my girl because I am the first man she is in love with and I don't want to ruin her emotionally. I love her deeply without a second thought.
My girl keep threatened me to walk away anytime I have a setback.
If I reject this offer and stay with her and she walks away from the relationship, I know I kiss goodbye with anything marriage, and I also lost the opportunity to make a decent income. Note I don't plan to live in my country. Please people who had experienced this how do you deal with it and what should I do.
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Drake10: 9:20am On Aug 13, 2021
Grab the opportunity and relocate

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by DaddyRochie1642: 9:23am On Aug 13, 2021
How can a woman that claims to Love you and have your best interest at heart threaten to "walk away" whenever you have a setback, what kind of self centered woman is that. This is a very big red flag.
When you guys should eventually get married and you're experiencing setbacks, she's the type that will forget her marital vow of "for better for worse".

The other woman that is giving you condition to marry her when you come over to overseas. She's very desperate and a desperate person is dangerous. Although her desperation seems like the "good kind of desperation".

Oga this your case is strong.

4 Likes

Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Kindaheart32: 9:23am On Aug 13, 2021
Drake10:
Grab the opportunity and relocate
. I gave her my word that I won't hurt her. I love her deeply.
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Kindaheart32: 9:26am On Aug 13, 2021
DaddyRochie1642:
How can a woman that claims to Love you and have your best interest at heart threaten to "walk away" whenever you have a setback, what kind of self centered woman is that. This is a very big red flag.
When you guys should eventually get married and you're experiencing setbacks, she's the type that will forget her marital vow of "for better for worse".

The other woman that is giving you condition to marry her when you come over to overseas. She's very desperate and a desperate person is dangerous. Although her desperation seems like the "good kind of desperation".

Oga this your case is strong.
. We use to date online until I couldn't bear it so I come clean with her. She didn't trust me then but now she is dead serious.
I want to be a good husband and great father that all I want.
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Kindaheart32: 9:29am On Aug 13, 2021
DaddyRochie1642:
How can a woman that claims to Love you and have your best interest at heart threaten to "walk away" whenever you have a setback, what kind of self centered woman is that. This is a very big red flag.
When you guys should eventually get married and you're experiencing setbacks, she's the type that will forget her marital vow of "for better for worse".

The other woman that is giving you condition to marry her when you come over to overseas. She's very desperate and a desperate person is dangerous. Although her desperation seems like the "good kind of desperation".

Oga this your case is strong.
. I won't lie sometimes I ask my girl for a loan which I always payback. Money Issue is our main problem.
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by DaddyRochie1642: 9:32am On Aug 13, 2021
Kindaheart32:
. We use to date online until I couldn't bear it so I come clean with her. She didn't trust me then but now she is dead serious.
I want to be a good husband and great father that all I want.



Oga you and I already know that your mind has chosen that overseas Lady grin, besides, overseas is an ideal place to be the good husband and great husband you desire to be.... Or do you want to stay in Naija and continue sleeping with one eye open grin grin

1 Like

Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by tensazangetsu20(m): 9:34am On Aug 13, 2021
If you know what is good for you marry the American lady and Japa.

1 Like

Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Kindaheart32: 9:37am On Aug 13, 2021
DaddyRochie1642:




Oga you and I already know that your mind has chosen that overseas Lady grin, besides, overseas is an ideal place to be the good husband and great husband you desire to be.... Or do you want to stay in Naija and continue sleeping with one eye open grin grin
? I did have such an offer but I drop it because of my girl. My girl comes first and I don't even have an option but my problem is her inconsistency and fear of the unknown. Trust me I don't want to lose both ways
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by DaddyRochie1642: 9:45am On Aug 13, 2021
Kindaheart32:
? I did have such an offer but I drop it because of my girl. My girl comes first and I don't even have an option but my problem is her inconsistency and fear of the unknown. Trust me I don't want to lose both ways



The choice is yours,

The Lord is your strength.

1 Like

Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by yomi007k(m): 9:50am On Aug 13, 2021
Kindaheart32:
. I gave her my word that I won't hurt her. I love her deeply.

You can give another "word" that "you have decided to do what is best for you"


If you follow emotions and not logic, you will shed tears.
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Kindaheart32: 9:57am On Aug 13, 2021
yomi007k:


You can give another "word" that "you have decided to fo what is best for you"


If you follow emotions and not logic, you will shed tears.
. You are right. I only want to do the right thing.
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Richy4(m): 10:29am On Aug 13, 2021
This is very simple.... u do not need people with experience to explain this for you...

You have been solving this kind of problems yourself for years without Knowing...You do not need Nairalanders.. what you were facing is the Battle between Choice and Opportunity cost in Economics....

SO let us have fun with the battle shall we?:
(a) What is the opportunity cost of staying in Nigeria with your Girlfriend?

(b) If your forgone alternative AKA opportunity cost is greater than your Choice? does that mean you were better off or worse off

(ci) After all said and done, and you decides to make a choice let us say it was MISS A, will you in future regret making Miss B a Forgone alternative?
(cii) Will you keep wondering what life would have been like with Miss B? or will you say you win some and loose some?

Apply this in your relationship and u will be cool...

3 Likes

Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by pocohantas(f): 10:53am On Aug 13, 2021
My girl keep threatened me to walk away anytime I have a setback

This is enough red flag from your homebased girlfriend. What I don’t know is if the American gf wouldn’t come with her own issues. How well do you know her? Why exactly is she giving you a CONDITION to marry her?

You shouldn’t go on with your homebased gf, but it is advisable you watch the foreign one well.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Nobody: 10:57am On Aug 13, 2021
keep turning your eyes away from the obvious red flags, you are the reason why the future is truly female
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Nobody: 11:30am On Aug 13, 2021
Kindaheart32:
My girl keep threatened me to walk away anytime I have a setback.
She is not for you. Move on.
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Foodqueen(f): 11:57am On Aug 13, 2021
None is good enough for you.
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by frozen70(f): 12:18pm On Aug 13, 2021
Kindaheart32:
I chose to post this in the family sections because I feel I will have nothing but a great opinion I can work with
I am in a serious relationship that focuses on getting married to each other. My girl is the most wonderful soul a man will ever be with. It has been two years and covid 19 deal with us. I noticed that anytime things went south for me, my lady will come with some attitudes. Note she doesn't depend on me because she has her job and we spend money on each other. I am a blessed person which God always Crown my efforts with something to show. So it's not like I am bad luck, right now I am rich( if you know what I mean) but I know things will improve.
Here is my problem: I have a female friend who has been disturbing me to relocate me to the US on the condition that I marry her and create a life for myself. We have been friends for years and she has supported me financially twice.
I keep telling her I have a serious relationship. Before this my friend, there was another who gave me the same offers I turn the lady down. I didn't want to hurt my girl because I am the first man she is in love with and I don't want to ruin her emotionally. I love her deeply without a second thought.
My girl keep threatened me to walk away anytime I have a setback.
If I reject this offer and stay with her and she walks away from the relationship, I know I kiss goodbye with anything marriage, and I also lost the opportunity to make a decent income. Note I don't plan to live in my country. Please people who had experienced this how do you deal with it and what should I do.



If you think you can't leave your current girlfriend and you are scared of her leaving, you guys can get pregnant and things will sort itself out

If you are ready to humble yourself incase the lady in America relocates you to that side, bear in mind that, you will be prepared to enslave your powers as a man and you may not like it, unless you don't mind

Left for me, I will advise you manage life situations with your current girl and both if you can make it since she is a good girl with bad attitude when you are broke

2 Likes

Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by FORWARDEVERLY: 12:30pm On Aug 13, 2021
Kindaheart32:
? I did have such an offer but I drop it because of my girl. My girl comes first and I don't even have an option but my problem is her inconsistency and fear of the unknown. Trust me I don't want to lose both ways


You would definitely loose both ways due to your indecision..
Mumu wey dey date girl wey dey threaten to walk away.. Spineless weak man..
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by delugadou(m): 1:15pm On Aug 13, 2021
Kindaheart32:
. I gave her my word that I won't hurt her. I love her deeply.
please reply my pm
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by debbydams(f): 1:29pm On Aug 13, 2021
Kindaheart32:
. I gave her my word that I won't hurt her. I love her deeply.
u beta grab it,when everything is fine u can send her money,no woman want to suffer with any man again,if u don't have money nd she see a man thats okay I bet she will go for him..wise up abeg..
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Acidosis(m): 1:53pm On Aug 13, 2021
You have two ladies who understand and know your financial weakness probably more than you do.

Home based lady wants to use your weakness against you. Abroad based lady wants to use your weakness to her advantage. The former is ready to dum.p you and her marriage with you for a better life. The other wants you to risk a marriage with her for a better life. Hence, acknowledge that they're both selfish and none is better than the other. Agreed?

The common factor above is you, your financial situation. One knows you so bad that she can't seem to trust a future with you based on her experiences despite offering you loans at different occasions. The other knows you're financially desperate you will accept her offer (as you've depended on her for financial assistance twice).

Your financial situation is the challenge so work on yourself if you must settle with either. Hustle so well so your home-based girl can start believing in you and your future OR hustle so well and make enough money to settle abroad on your (own) terms and finance.

If your financial state will remain an instrument in their hands, then you may have to walk away from both.

4 Likes 1 Share

Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by RightToReject(m): 2:34pm On Aug 13, 2021
If you decide to discard your current girlfriend because of her obvious self-absorbing interest in you, assuming that such is a relationship deal-breaker for you, do not ignorantly believe that the abroad based one will automatically be an oppressor who will make you servile if you marry her and relocate to her base, especially if you come into equity with clean hands. Just simply make sure that you know what you want; that you know her better; and that whatever interest you have in her does not stem from her physical and material possessions.

The fact, however, that you indulge a girlfriend who threatens to leave you whenever you have a financial downturn shows that you have no self-respect; you lack grit. You do not love her as you think; instead; you are just a slave to your emotion/lust.

More on my first paragraph, the misinformation that the diaspora born and based Nigerian women or White women will subjugate you if you marry them is a fallacy taking too far. The fact is that, just like Nigerian home based women, or women in general regardless of race and social stratum, you will always have some who are attributively servile; some who are attributively fair-minded; and some who are attributively oppressive. And as a man, if you have conquered yourself and coming from a conscientious position, you will be able to make an oppressive woman your slave instead, while a fair-minded one, you will take honor is treating her queenly, while a servile one, you can pity her and groom her to be like a fair-minded one and treat her queenly, too.

2 Likes

Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Rubbiish(m): 2:46pm On Aug 13, 2021
@ Kindaheart32
How well do u know the lady in America?
Do not start painting your Naija gf in bad light because of the promises of the America lady o.
All that glitters is not gold. In this life nothing goes for nothing, u must have something to offer her, else she will dump your sorry a$s. Remember their laws favor women more. & mind u, no woman will ever be happy with u if u go broke! They will show attitude one way or the other, your gf is not an exception.
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Kindaheart32: 5:06pm On Aug 13, 2021
delugadou:
please reply my pm
I have sent you mail through my email box
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Elmaaq: 6:06pm On Aug 13, 2021
DaddyRochie1642:
How can a woman that claims to Love you and have your best interest at heart threaten to "walk away" whenever you have a setback, what kind of self centered woman is that. This is a very big red flag.
When you guys should eventually get married and you're experiencing setbacks, she's the type that will forget her marital vow of "for better for worse".

The other woman that is giving you condition to marry her when you come over to overseas. She's very desperate and a desperate person is dangerous. Although her desperation seems like the "good kind of desperation".

Oga this your case is strong.

Someone should mention those red pill guys so they can advise the op

reddintonblack drLammy
DarkCaesar
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Divoc19(f): 6:38pm On Aug 13, 2021
True talk. Only one in 200 women will not show attitude when their men go broke. Am not an exemption too.
That's why a man should know his goals in life in order to earn that manly respect.

Rubbiish:
@ Kindaheart32
How well do u know the lady in America?
Do not start painting your Naija gf in bad light because of the promises of the America lady o.
All that glitters is not gold. In this life nothing goes for nothing, u must have something to offer her, else she will dump your sorry a$s. Remember their laws favor women more. & mind u, no woman will ever be happy with u if u go broke! They will show attitude one way or the other, your gf is not an exception.
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Divoc19(f): 6:49pm On Aug 13, 2021
Stay with your Naija babe.
Make her trust you by working hard to turn your financial situation around.
She probably doesn't want to have a liability husband. Liability husband's are becoming more common these days.

You can go abroad for other reason further studies etc as a man, marrying a foreigner before landing the country first is like a trap/prison o. She no go allow you freestyle without suspecting you.


Kindaheart32:
I chose to post this in the family sections because I feel I will have nothing but a great opinion I can work with
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Kindaheart32: 6:58pm On Aug 13, 2021
Divoc19:
True talk. Only one in 200 women will not show attitude when their men go broke. Am not an exemption too.
That's why a man should know his goals in life to earn that manly respect.

. Her attitude is not my problem. Threatened to walk away is the issue. I am working on my financial life and I know things will improve ASAP. I don't need a fair-weather kind of relationship. I need her to give me the benefits of the doubt. If things go south for her what do you expect me to do, stand by her right?
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Kindaheart32: 7:00pm On Aug 13, 2021
Divoc19:
Stay with your Naija babe.
Make her trust you by working hard to turn your financial situation around.
She probably doesn't want to have a liability husband. Liability husband's are becoming more common these days.

You can go abroad for other reason further studies etc as a man, marrying a foreigner before landing the country first is like a trap/prison o. She no go allow you freestyle without suspecting you.


Me and her plan to leave Nigeria so the other lady is not the issue. I need a level playing ground to achieve my dream don't know if I am asking for too much?
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Kindaheart32: 7:02pm On Aug 13, 2021
Rubbiish:
@ Kindaheart32
How well do u know the lady in America?
Do not start painting your Naija gf in bad light because of the promises of the America lady o.
All that glitters is not gold. In this life nothing goes for nothing, u must have something to offer her, else she will dump your sorry a$s. Remember their laws favor women more. & mind u, no woman will ever be happy with u if u go broke! They will show attitude one way or the other, your gf is not an exception.
. No you are wrong. My girl is a good person but her inconsistency is my problem.
Re: I Need Your Opinion Please by Divoc19(f): 7:03pm On Aug 13, 2021
Her threats to leave is part of attitude giving.
If you know she really loves you she won't go anywhere. That woman saying what she doesn't mean cheesy

Kindaheart32:
. Her attitude is not my problem. Threatened to walk away is the issue. I am working on my financial life and I know things will improve ASAP. I don't need a fair-weather kind of relationship. I need her to give me the benefits of the doubt. If things go south for her what do you expect me to do, stand by her right?

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