Mine: I had just cooked my spaghetti about to eat when my hostel mate dashed in and was stammering words due to the speed “guy, come come come, yawa yawa, dem wan kill Andrew.”

The urgency in his tone made me drop the spoon I was begining to travel down my throat down. I followed him to the scene.

Now here's the scene I met:

There were three guys around Andrew. One hooked and squeezed his cloth while another was just landing slaps to his face incessantly. Andrew was already fading due to the thunderstorms.

From afar, I couldn't just understand anything why he'd be slapping this guy so I zoomed to the guy issuing him slaps with a push. I didn't intend to push him so hard but to just let off his grip on Andrew na so this guy fall down convulsion start o. From convulsing, he was spitting sth like blood and stopped shaking with a rolled eyes.

Like play like play the other guys don pick Gulder bottles, sticks, and axes dey pursue me. Oh God. I ran into a bush and these guys wouldn't stop pursuing me.

There was one among them that was one of the Macho men in school and he was next to me. He was threatening that na today e go clear my doubts. Say e go “throw me overboard” “shebi na you dey carry Sandra dey feel fly” and all that. I didn't even know who Sandra was!

To gather more people to pursue and catch me, they were shouting ole ole. On intervals, it will seem the guy was so close to me, and he'd try to slide me down with a kick. I'd be left with adding my last life line to run this death race.

Inside me, I was remembering all my mum used to warn me against being stubborn, and face my studies in school and tears was escaping freely from my eyes. When I remembered I wasn't a bad student but this was an unfortunate murder I wouldn't be alive to explain, I would shed more tears. The catarrh from my nose and eyes were entering my mouth.

I remembered I had just lost a sis and the pain it brought to my fam..how would they feel losing me? I was literally crying running and the tears could be flying backwards due to my speed and dribble.

We ran inside that big farm for up to an hour. I heard some double-crossing approaches ahead and knew I was about to be caught. I dashed the first one and he ran into a thorny grass. I could hear him angrily standing and threatening to kill me if they caught me.

I could, from a distance, see that we were running into the female hostel some 50 metres ahead and more tears escaped my eyes. I hate embarrassments all my life!

I had been a very bright student and never killed anyone! As I was about dashing the second guy, the macho guy caught me and pinned me to the ground ordering them to bring the fuel. The crowd (mostly from the females) was gathering to the pin point and I could see from my mind's eye the fuel guy coming so quickly. I was begging the huge guy to leave me. “guy, I swear, I no hit am anything. I just want push am away...” I couldn't stop begging anyone I could know to liberate me there. I had not begged this way all my life!

Tears filled my eyes when they opened the five-litre gallon and sprayed it on me. He thundered they should bring matches and the matches guy turned on a stick and threw it backwards shouting April Fooool...and all of them were laughing at me.

I had never had anything like that all my life. I didn't understand what was going on until Andrew came laughing at me until he started rolling on the floor. I also saw the dead guy giving me a wadup sign. I looked so stupid with dried tears and dried catarrh on my face.

I just got up and entered the bush trekking back. But honestly, down deep in my mind, I was thanking God it was this than it was that. But I was damn embarrassed!

Never told anyone this tho. Lol. Only Andrew till date go dey mock me with this event.


Abeg, make una share yours.

Lalasticlala Dominique seun

chatinent:
Mine: I had just cooked my spaghetti about to eat when my hostel mate dashed in and was stammering words due to the speed “guy, come come come, yawa yawa, dem wan kill Andrew.”

The urgency in his tone made me drop the spoon I was begining to travel down my throat down. I followed him to the scene.

Now here's the scene I met:

There were three guys around Andrew. One hooked and squeezed his cloth while another was just landing slaps to his face incessantly. Andrew was already fading due to the thunderstorms.

From afar, I couldn't just understand anything while he'd be slapping this guy so I zoomed to the guy issuing him slaps with a push. I didn't intend to push him so hard but to just let off his grip on Andrew na so this guy fall down convulsion start o. From convulsing, he was spitting sth like blood and stopped shaking with a rolled eyes.

Like play like play the other guys don pick Gulder bottles, sticks, and axes dey pursue me. Oh God. I ran into a bush and these guys wouldn't stop pursuing me.

There was one among them that was one of the Macho men in school and he was next to me. He was threatening that na today e go clear my doubts. Say e go “throw me overboard” and all that. To gather more people to pursue and catch me, they were shouting ole ole. On intervals, it will seem the guy was so close to me, and he'd try to slide me down with a kick. I'd be left with adding my last life line to run this death race.

Inside me, I was remembering all my mum used to warn me against been stubborn and face my studies in school and tears was escaping freely from my eyes. I remembered I had just lost a sis and the pain it brought to my fam..how would they feel losing me? I was literally crying running and the tears could be flying backwards due to my speed and dribble.

We ran inside that big farm for up to an hour. I heard some double-crossing approaches ahead and knew I was about to be caught. I dashed the first one and he run into a thorny grass.

I could from a distance, see that we are running into the female hostel some 50 metres ahead and more tears escaped my eyes.

I had been a very bright student and never killed! As I was about dashing the second guy, the macho guy caught me and pinned me to the ground ordering them to bring the fuel. The crowd (mostly from the females) was gathering to the pin point and I could see from my mind's eye the fuel guy coming so quickly. I was begging the huge guy to leave me. “guy, I swear, I no hit am anything. I just want push am away...” I could stop begging anyone I could know to liberate me there.

Tears filled my eyes when they opened the five-litre gallon and sprayed it on me. He thundered they should bring matches and the matches guy turned on a stick and threw it backwards shouting April Fooool...and all of them were laughing at me.

I had never had anything like that all my life. I didn't understand what was going on until Andrew came laughing at me until he started rolling on the floor.

I just got up and entered the bush trekking back. But for my mind, I was thanking God it was this and it was that. But I was damn embarrassed!

Never told anyone this tho. Lol.


Abeg, make una share yours.

,..Lol.

A guy was butchered from head to toe for the article I wrote which he knew absolutely nothing about or who the writer might be up till today..

Monogamy:
A guy was butchered from head to toe for the article I wrote which he knew absolutely nothing about or who the writer might be up till today..

Butchered for the article you wrote?

Did I miss the preposition?

Lilsameey:
,..Lol.

After that event that day, I fell very ill. I hadn't done so much stress all my life. Good thing tho..they were checking on me. I didn't understand how they all could cooperate so well.

chatinent:


Butchered for the article you wrote?

Did I miss the preposition?

You read right.. Uni politics article..

Poor guy

There was one day we finished Biology practical

We were just exhausted and exchanging greetings with course mates. That was the last course for the day around 4 PM.

Omo, I heard one loud rumble from my stomach. I just comport myself, use hand arrange my trouser, in my mind, this was the normal level.

I kept greeting, pressing phone and later on strolling to bus stand.

There was a large queue to enter the bus. And you have to go through one hectic maze like that. My stomach kept playing skelewu beat. I kept posting it.

Next thing I felt one watery feeling close to my butt hole. That's when I knew that water had passed garri. By then I was in the centre of the maze. I could not go forward, I could not go backwards.

Imagine the sort of embarrassing situation it would mean, if a 200L erudite scholar like me sheets on himself, while wearing nice corporate wear and flat shoe. Our buses are long, old and discomforting metal boxes that take ages to arrive at the last Bus stop.

I just had to start praying. Sweat started to fill up my face. When it got to my turn to pay, I was so uncoordinated the old man nearly skipped me for another person.

Only if he knew, by now my stomach and anus we're still fighting the battle of who would give up first. The sheet would surge down wards, I'll use my buttocks to press it back inside and feel the rumble in my stomach.

The bus ride was long. Infact the longest ride in my life. I would sit down. Sit on one buttocks. When someone at the back wanted to get down, I will have to stand up so there would be space.

Finally we got to last junction. Around 5pm.

I just started to jog with my corporate wear. From jog the thing enter run. Like 50 metres to my lodge, even Hussain Bolt would have been jealous of me. I was running full speed like someone being chased my police. The people sitting down inside my compound must have known that serious sheet carry me come back, because even their greeting sef I no hear, talkless of to see them.

Got to the protector. Opened it, dropped my bag outside. Went inside with my shoe, before I could even remove my trouser and boxers - explosive diarrhea just kapoom everywhere.

Every sense of relief I've ever felt in my life came to me at that moment. Chai

Crises in University of Jos.

chatinent:
Mine: I had just cooked my spaghetti about to eat when my hostel mate dashed in and was stammering words due to the speed “guy, come come come, yawa yawa, dem wan kill Andrew.”

The urgency in his tone made me drop the spoon I was begining to travel down my throat down. I followed him to the scene.

Now here's the scene I met:

There were three guys around Andrew. One hooked and squeezed his cloth while another was just landing slaps to his face incessantly. Andrew was already fading due to the thunderstorms.

From afar, I couldn't just understand anything while he'd be slapping this guy so I zoomed to the guy issuing him slaps with a push. I didn't intend to push him so hard but to just let off his grip on Andrew na so this guy fall down convulsion start o. From convulsing, he was spitting sth like blood and stopped shaking with a rolled eyes.

Like play like play the other guys don pick Gulder bottles, sticks, and axes dey pursue me. Oh God. I ran into a bush and these guys wouldn't stop pursuing me.

There was one among them that was one of the Macho men in school and he was next to me. He was threatening that na today e go clear my doubts. Say e go “throw me overboard” “shebi na you dey carry Sandra dey feel fly” and all that. I didn't even know who Sandra was!

To gather more people to pursue and catch me, they were shouting ole ole. On intervals, it will seem the guy was so close to me, and he'd try to slide me down with a kick. I'd be left with adding my last life line to run this death race.

Inside me, I was remembering all my mum used to warn me against being stubborn, and face my studies in school and tears was escaping freely from my eyes. When I remembered I wasn't a bad student but this was an unfortunate murder I wouldn't be alive to explain, I would shed more tears. The catarrh from my nose and eyes were entering my mouth.

I remembered I had just lost a sis and the pain it brought to my fam..how would they feel losing me? I was literally crying running and the tears could be flying backwards due to my speed and dribble.

We ran inside that big farm for up to an hour. I heard some double-crossing approaches ahead and knew I was about to be caught. I dashed the first one and he ran into a thorny grass. I could hear him angrily standing and threatening to kill me if they caught me.

I could, from a distance, see that we were running into the female hostel some 50 metres ahead and more tears escaped my eyes. I hate embarrassments all my life!

I had been a very bright student and never killed anyone! As I was about dashing the second guy, the macho guy caught me and pinned me to the ground ordering them to bring the fuel. The crowd (mostly from the females) was gathering to the pin point and I could see from my mind's eye the fuel guy coming so quickly. I was begging the huge guy to leave me. “guy, I swear, I no hit am anything. I just want push am away...” I could stop begging anyone I could know to liberate me there.

Tears filled my eyes when they opened the five-litre gallon and sprayed it on me. He thundered they should bring matches and the matches guy turned on a stick and threw it backwards shouting April Fooool...and all of them were laughing at me.

I had never had anything like that all my life. I didn't understand what was going on until Andrew came laughing at me until he started rolling on the floor. I also the dead guy giving me a wadup sign.

I just got up and entered the bush trekking back. But honestly, down deep in my mind, I was thanking God it was this than it was that. But I was damn embarrassed!

Never told anyone this tho. Lol. Only Andrew till date go dey mock me with this event.


Abeg, make una share yours.

Hmmm

We were preparing for exams then..there was this girl friend of mine, kinda SU but not totally.. I don dey eye say I won run am

I saw her a week to exam, she even invited me to Fellowship, she joked about my nonchalancy toward church stuffs..we parted.

It was two days after, her friend told me she was called from her house that both Ngozi and her sister have not reported to where they went

After calling up and down..we were later told it was trailer that killed the both of them on their way...I feel so SAD typing this.
I was like so this is how people die..

Honestly, life is full of laughter, tears, sorrow and unimaginable things

Monogamy:


You read right.. Uni politics article..

Poor guy

So touched. Did you reach out to the fam indirectly?

chatinent:


So touched. Did you reach out to the fam indirectly?

Honestly no remorse about it.. The guy who ordered that had been killed..

Fair enough

Coming soon

Omeaux

Another time, I drank Soya milk and one rubbish fish roll before ICH exam


Guy inside exam hall my belle start to dey misbehave.

This exam had some of the strictest invigilators. You can stand up to talk, they will just give you malpractice form.

One mind told me to bone it. But the thing no allow me write anything for my paper. The whole of my faculty, there was no good toilet.

The lab where we were in, the toilet door has not been opened in like 10 years. I was so confused. I even swore for myself that day.

I still managed take excuse, I'm pressed (with great shame) but you cannot use sheeet to do guy, instead it will rubbish you.

I wanted to head to bank, but that would mean 30 mins give or take, and my exam won't allow that sort of time.

One mind told me to check the lab toilet. Remember this toilet door had been close for 10 years. Never been used.

I just asked the Holy spirit to open that door. If not I'll go to the gutter behind the lab and sheet (you know how exams are, other students waiting to use the lab will still be outside hanging around)

Surprisingly, the lab toilet door was open. But the place done turn to store. I just strong my face enter inside. Find one nice location offload my stomach. Use one old practical book wipe my buttocks.

All this while one of the invigilators had trailed me outside. I could hear her voice. I was just praying she should not enter the toilet, for her own sake. Sharply, I tidied up, as though nothing happened.

Met her outside and explain that I was having stomach problem but it has stopped.

It was a miracle that the lab toilet was open. Something that has always been locked with giant padlock.

For the shitting things, na left over beans oo.. Con take Jedi knack am. If you are really pressed down, you won't be able to take a single step. Thank God my house wasn't far from the campus. The shit go reach 3 buckets...

The day armed robbers came into our hostel on a Saturday morning around 1am and robbed us using one pistol, they took my 2000 naira weekend soup money, my curve 7, Toshiba laptop and my MTN modem, and they used my leather bag to pack the stuff they managed to assemble, the saddest part was my project work on the laptop, that shit weighed me down seriously because we were starting our final year exam the following Monday but I couldn't afford to let anything sweep me off the ground

TarOrfeeek:


There was one day we finished Biology practical

We were just exhausted and exchanging greetings with course mates. That was the last course for the day around 4 PM.

Omo, I heard one loud rumble from my stomach. I just comport myself, use hand arrange my trouser, in my mind, this was the normal level.

I kept greeting, pressing phone and later on strolling to bus stand.

There was a large queue to enter the bus. And you have to go through one hectic maze like that. My stomach kept playing skelewu beat. I kept posting it.

Next thing I felt one watery feeling close to my butt hole. That's when I knew that water had passed garri. By then I was in the centre of the maze. I could not go forward, I could not go backwards.

Imagine the sort of embarrassing situation it would mean, if a 200L erudite scholar like me sheets on himself, while wearing nice corporate wear and flat shoe. Our buses are long, old and discomforting metal boxes that take ages to arrive at the last Bus stop.

I just had to start praying. Sweat started to fill up my face. When it got to my turn to pay, I was so uncoordinated the old man nearly skipped me for another person.

Only if he knew, by now my stomach and anus we're still fighting the battle of who would give up first. The sheet would surge down wards, I'll use my buttocks to press it back inside and feel the rumble in my stomach.

The bus ride was long. Infact the longest ride in my life. I would sit down. Sit on one buttocks. When someone at the back wanted to get down, I will have to stand up so there would be space.

Finally we got to last junction. Around 5pm.

I just started to jog with my corporate wear. From jog the thing enter run. Like 50 metres to my lodge, even Hussain Bolt would have been jealous of me. I was running full speed like someone being chased my police. The people sitting down inside my compound must have known that serious sheet carry me come back, because even their greeting sef I no hear, talkless of to see them.

Got to the protector. Opened it, dropped my bag outside. Went inside with my shoe, before I could even remove my trouser and boxers - explosive diarrhea just kapoom everywhere.

Every sense of relief I've ever felt in my life came to me at that moment. Chai

This thing happened to me very close to Plateau Riders’ park.

I had so controlled it until I reached there. You know, there are public toilets inside the park na so I go meet one. I was with ₦1k and the devil played me a mind trick not to give the attendant for fear of being scammed for a poo of ₦20. I demanded for my balance before going. The man insisted I collected it when I came out. I didn't accept that as it was looking danjelos. Na so aboki tell me to commot there say e no want me there again o.

I begin beg e no gree. I begged and begged sweating e no gree. I even promised to add sth, e no gree. He was like Kai haba, banaso iskanci.. Kai I no want wahala..comot here now or. And you know he had signalled to others not to allow me too. So I know I was doomed.

It was one beautiful girl who I didn't know was watching who begged one of the drivers to let me use their luxurious buses.

Asswear, na that day I begin no get shame. Na that day I know say yansh no bi your mate.

Where do I start this story From


Laughing like crazy here...

*Really need to quit getting stoned*

Peaceadebu:
Crises in University of Jos.

What's your year?

Cerebellum:
Hmmm

We were preparing for exams then..there was this girl friend of mine, kinda SU but not totally.. I don dey eye say I won run am

I saw her a week to exam, she even invited me to Fellowship, she joked about my nonchalant toward church stuffs..we parted.

It was two days after her friend told me she was called from her house that both Ngozi and her sister she travelled with have not reported to where they went

After calling up and down..we were later told it was trailer that killed the both of them on their way...I feel so SAD typing this.
I was like so this is how people die..

Honestly, life is full of laughter, tears, sorrow and unimaginable things

I'm so sad about this rn.

Tajbol4splend:
The day armed robbers came into our hostel on a Saturday morning around 1am and robbed us using one pistol, they took my 2000 naira weekend soup money, my curve 7, Toshiba laptop and my MTN modem, and they used my leather bag to pack the stuff they managed to assemble, the saddest part was my project work on the laptop, that shit weighed me down seriously because we were starting our final year exam the following Monday but I couldn't afford to let anything sweep me off the ground

This looks like a Benue North-Bank sth. Am I right, wrong?

Monogamy:
For the shitting things, na left over beans oo.. Con take Jedi knack am. If you are really pressed down, you won't be able to take a single step. Thank God my house wasn't far from the campus. The shit go reach 3 buckets...

Who is a risk taker?

Na person wey dey purge wey wan mess.

chatinent:


This looks like a Benue North-Bank sth. Am I right, wrong?

FUTA Akure

TarOrfeeek:


Omeaux

Another time, I drank Soya milk and one rubbish fish roll before ICH exam


Guy inside exam hall my belle start to dey misbehave.

This exam had some of the strictest invigilators. You can stand up to talk, they will just give you malpractice form.

One mind told me to bone it. But the thing no allow me write anything for my paper. The whole of my faculty, there was no good toilet.

The lab where we were in, the toilet door has not been opened in like 10 years. I was so confused. I even swore for myself that day.

I still managed take excuse, I'm pressed (with great shame) but you cannot use sheeet to do guy, instead it will rubbish you.

I wanted to head to bank, but that would mean 30 mins give or take, and my exam won't allow that sort of time.

One mind told me to check the lab toilet. Remember this toilet door had been close for 10 years. Never been used.

I just asked the Holy spirit to open that door. If not I'll go to the gutter behind the lab and sheet (you know how exams are, other students waiting to use the lab will still be outside hanging around)

Surprisingly, the lab toilet door was open. But the place done turn to store. I just strong my face enter inside. Find one nice location offload my stomach. Use one old practical book wipe my buttocks.

All this while one of the invigilators had trailed me outside. I could hear her voice. I was just praying she should not enter the toilet, for her own sake. Sharply, I tidied up, as though nothing happened.

Met her outside and explain that I was having stomach problem but it has stopped.

It was a miracle that the lab toilet was open. Something that has always been locked with giant padlock.

Baba, I feel you.

If better shit hook you for exam, your mood go bi like when person die.

Have you noticed? That period, you no go mind walking into the valley of the shadows of death..even if shit shit dey ground!

chatinent:


Baba, I feel you.

If better shit hook you for exam, your mood go bi like when person die.

Have you noticed? That period, you no go mind walking into the valley of the shadows of death..even if shit shit dey ground!

Diarrhea for campus no be better thing.

TarOrfeeek:



Diarrhea for campus no be better thing.

Lol. I had accidentally farted in the banking hall. Honestly, I didn't know how it came out. I was stamping sth off my clothes and it popped.

It was so smelly the useless girl behind me was so uncivil and outspoken to tag it was me.

Baba, I use English deny am to the last.

So far I don dey deny am, I was even getting angry saying it was an insult on my person.

Lol.

Na so security guy..God bless the chairman, call me one side as if he dey console me tell me say...na him dey watch the CCTV and na me mess. I no just argue. I agreed but told him the paroles and anti-embarrassment I deployed.

The mature man was like “I understand.”

Mehn, I return there bone o.

Enough respect.

Let me sit down and read comments.
Please, nobody should come and lie here ooo.

@ chatinent
Mehn if na me heavens know I'll never talk to them again...NEVER. haba mana, they took the joke too far

Why not say a day you'd never forget in higher institution? No be everybody attend university,some of us for here na polytechnic we go...

Well,a day I'll never forget was when I lost my last 50 naira The painful part was that I had only 60 naira on me... After mapping out how I'll use the 60 to buy ground nut and sugar plus one cup of garri,I just weak...... I went home regretting..

Bashnigga:
@ chatinent
Mehn if na me heavens know I'll never talk to them again...NEVER. haba mana, they took the joke too far

Baba, the fear wey hook me dey thank God say no bi real.

Sonnobax15:

Why not say a day you'd never forget in higher institution? No be everybody attend university,some of us for here na polytechnic we go...

Well,a day I'll never forget was when I lost my last 50 naira The painful part was that I had only 60 naira on me... After mapping out how I'll use the 60 to buy ground nut and sugar plus one cup of garri,I just weak...... I went home regretting..

To me, both Poly, College are all Unis.