₦airaland Forum

enemyofprogress:
This is exactly the same problem Olunmercy56 is facing right now. Being a first burn is not easy in Nigeria

Acidosis:
There's nothing I want to type now that I haven't mentioned in the past few days both online and offline. You're too young to start carrying so many family burden. You haven't even gotten married and family issues have become so much that if you don't retrace your steps, BP might set in.

Frankly, your dad's issue isn't peculiar at all. Most retired civil servants can't manage gratuity the way a business man would. All their lives, they have only learnt to work with their 5 to 6 figure salary. Civil service commissions don't really train them before making that payment and even if they go through a formal training, at 60 or 65, there is only little the brain can accommodate especially in a completely different field. To add to that, some of them spend recklessly, forgetting that, unlike salary, gratuity comes only once in a lifetime.

And this is where I also blame you. You should have known well enough to ensure that your dad put that money in the right business or asset to prevent you from taking over heavy responsibilities. But that's in the past now.


To answer your question, well you don't have to cut them off per se if you can learn to say 'NO'.

Asour:
You mean the OP (as a 20-something year old) should tell a ~60 year old man (his father) how to spend his gratuity money?

Would the man listen? In Nigeria here?

Haha

chinasaekpere:
Hello guys, this is a very strong decision I want to make, I need your help to make this decision or not to. I am thinking of cutting my parents off because they have caused me enormous financial setback as a result of the bad decisions my father made. Firstly, I will like to give you a background of the story.

I come from a family of 4 and I am the first child of my parents. My dad is a retired federal government worker, he worked for many eyes as a school cert holder (so obviously, he didn’t hold very top position until he retired, probably the max in reached was level 8 or 9). He trained me through the university and he retired during my NYSC, at this point one of my brothers was in the university (he never graduated because he was nonchalant), my 3rd brother was a jambite and the last born was in primary school. The Jambite graduated this year and the last born is now a jambite.

In 2013, my dad retired and received gratuity worth several millions. My mom tried persuading him to build a house in the village because we are Igbos but Based in ogun state but my dad refused and insisted that he was going to develop his land in ogun state by building a 4 flats building (up stairs) then start business with the remaining money in Ogun state (apparently, he got the revelation from church to do that), he never completed the house. My dad is very religious until date, so out of the money he paid tithe, bought instruments for church and made some donations. Immediately I finished serving, I got a job with a pharmaceutical company as a medical sales representative. I was receiving a salary of 80k with commission. Things started great. I served some money I joined my dad in some of his fish farm business, I was in Enugu while he was doing the farm business in ogun state. When it was time to harvest the fish, I was told stories about theft, I spent 700k on the business but was able to recover 200k because I had to help him offset some debt.

To cut the long story short, my dad started having serious financial issues, couldn’t pay school fees of my last born in school, had several debts just about 2years after collecting millions as gratuity due to his wrong choice of investment. Ofcourse the financial burden transcended to me, until a point that my dad got into trouble from another debt, he spent church harvest savings that he was suppose to remit. I was paying my brothers school fees worth 150k per term, i had to take money from company’s account to help him offset the debt hoping that he would pay up and I will pay some before company finds out. The whole financial burden was so huge for a starter like me, owing to the fact that I lost all my savings to the fish farming business and I also had to pay house rents in Enugu and pay other bills.
I accumulated a debt of 1.2million with the company and then is started paying it by bit until the company found out that there was a deficit of 400k. I was arrested and was in the cell for days.
To get out of the cell, I had to sign a legal agreement for a payment plan of paying 30k monthly to offset the debt. Luckily for me, I got a 60k job 1month after, my dad couldn’t pay my last siblings school fees, I took him to Enugu and started Paying his bills. I was also paying 30k from my salary every month until I paid all the lost the job again during the heat of the recession. I managed to pay up that debt.
Since 2018, I haven’t really done any serious job, I started driving Uber in 2019, saved up some money, my mom needed money for business last year, i borrowed her, she couldn’t complete the payment. The car I was using to do the Uber got bad again.
I had to look for a remote job now in Lagos, I saved up money and learnt how to do footwear, i Am saving some money to pay my house and shop rent and get machines.
Last two month my dad called that he needed money for my brother’s school fees so he can complete his SSCE exams. He promised to payback mid last month, now I have not seen the money and my that was my house rent I borrowed him. My house rent expired in August. I called him, and ofcourse, he is playing the emotional game. Now, they are in serious financial mess and they seem not to want stop dragging me into it and it’s not as if I am doing great myself. I am not, I’m struggling to make something after mortgaging a lot of time paying several debts. It is overwhelming.

The point is, I am 31years old, I’m looking forward to making my own family and it seem if I am not careful, they will drag me back from this objective. Anytime I try to organize myself, they come up with their monetary problems and it hinders my growth. My plan was to get a shop and equip it before the end of first quarter 2022 from the saving I made from my current 80k salary and now they have collected my house rent in form of a loan. That’s a drawback again.

I have to make my own family, I need to shed some burden to be able to do that. I also want to be a parent and I never want to depend on my kids in my old age.
Should I cut them off?
If no, what do you advice that I do?

chinasaekpere:
Hello guys, this is a very strong decision I want to make, I need your help to make this decision or not to. I am thinking of cutting my parents off because they have caused me enormous financial setback as a result of the bad decisions my father made. Firstly, I will like to give you a background of the story.

I come from a family of 4 and I am the first child of my parents. My dad is a retired federal government worker, he worked for many eyes as a school cert holder (so obviously, he didn’t hold very top position until he retired, probably the max in reached was level 8 or 9). He trained me through the university and he retired during my NYSC, at this point one of my brothers was in the university (he never graduated because he was nonchalant), my 3rd brother was a jambite and the last born was in primary school. The Jambite graduated this year and the last born is now a jambite.

In 2013, my dad retired and received gratuity worth several millions. My mom tried persuading him to build a house in the village because we are Igbos but Based in ogun state but my dad refused and insisted that he was going to develop his land in ogun state by building a 4 flats building (up stairs) then start business with the remaining money in Ogun state (apparently, he got the revelation from church to do that), he never completed the house. My dad is very religious until date, so out of the money he paid tithe, bought instruments for church and made some donations. Immediately I finished serving, I got a job with a pharmaceutical company as a medical sales representative. I was receiving a salary of 80k with commission. Things started great. I served some money I joined my dad in some of his fish farm business, I was in Enugu while he was doing the farm business in ogun state. When it was time to harvest the fish, I was told stories about theft, I spent 700k on the business but was able to recover 200k because I had to help him offset some debt.

To cut the long story short, my dad started having serious financial issues, couldn’t pay school fees of my last born in school, had several debts just about 2years after collecting millions as gratuity due to his wrong choice of investment. Ofcourse the financial burden transcended to me, until a point that my dad got into trouble from another debt, he spent church harvest savings that he was suppose to remit. I was paying my brothers school fees worth 150k per term, i had to take money from company’s account to help him offset the debt hoping that he would pay up and I will pay some before company finds out. The whole financial burden was so huge for a starter like me, owing to the fact that I lost all my savings to the fish farming business and I also had to pay house rents in Enugu and pay other bills.
I accumulated a debt of 1.2million with the company and then is started paying it by bit until the company found out that there was a deficit of 400k. I was arrested and was in the cell for days.
To get out of the cell, I had to sign a legal agreement for a payment plan of paying 30k monthly to offset the debt. Luckily for me, I got a 60k job 1month after, my dad couldn’t pay my last siblings school fees, I took him to Enugu and started Paying his bills. I was also paying 30k from my salary every month until I paid all the lost the job again during the heat of the recession. I managed to pay up that debt.
Since 2018, I haven’t really done any serious job, I started driving Uber in 2019, saved up some money, my mom needed money for business last year, i borrowed her, she couldn’t complete the payment. The car I was using to do the Uber got bad again.
I had to look for a remote job now in Lagos, I saved up money and learnt how to do footwear, i Am saving some money to pay my house and shop rent and get machines.
Last two month my dad called that he needed money for my brother’s school fees so he can complete his SSCE exams. He promised to payback mid last month, now I have not seen the money and my that was my house rent I borrowed him. My house rent expired in August. I called him, and ofcourse, he is playing the emotional game. Now, they are in serious financial mess and they seem not to want stop dragging me into it and it’s not as if I am doing great myself. I am not, I’m struggling to make something after mortgaging a lot of time paying several debts. It is overwhelming.

The point is, I am 31years old, I’m looking forward to making my own family and it seem if I am not careful, they will drag me back from this objective. Anytime I try to organize myself, they come up with their monetary problems and it hinders my growth. My plan was to get a shop and equip it before the end of first quarter 2022 from the saving I made from my current 80k salary and now they have collected my house rent in form of a loan. That’s a drawback again.

I have to make my own family, I need to shed some burden to be able to do that. I also want to be a parent and I never want to depend on my kids in my old age.
Should I cut them off?
If no, what do you advice that I do?

Acidosis:
Well, it depends on his relationship with his dad. Some parents call their children for investment/finance-related advice.

EndBuhariNow:
[s] you are very stupid , lemme say the stupid you be no be here , I was expecting to hear you caught ur old man pant down with ur sister or one of ur relatives... here my short sorry [/s]

Asour:
Really?

I don't doubt, but I am yet to see such.

I have a feeling those that do would likely be children who are themselves well to do.
Not a new graduate trying to make his way through life.

gen2lpat:
You are the first of 4 and obviously the opara. Your problem is your mentality.

From the story, the only place your dad faulted was the fish farming investment. Others are responsibility you mentally referred to as lend, borrow.

I'm the first son, I started a business for my mum when I was 29 and now building a house for my parents @ 32. Have spent millions but I am guided with the mentality that these are my responsibilities.

Any assistance you render to your siblings or parents are responsibilities. How can you even say you borrowed your mum money to start business when I expect you to say you assisted her with finance to start up a business.

Fix your reasoning.

If you want to cut off your parents, then please relinquish your rights as first son. No come dey chuk eye for family properties of you can't shoulder responsibility and be calm about it.

Ndewo

cayorday89:
Even at that, do you understand that your case and that of OP are not the same in totality, even if I can relate, his case and my case are also not the same, even if I have the close to the same thought as you, my case and your case is not still the same... But in all we all should learn that religious leaders won't solve financial problems rather they will complicate it...

[/quote]boss, it's very easy. If they ask you for money, tell them you don't have. Them no no kill u. The will sort it out themselves. Stop bothering yourself[quote author=chinasaekpere post=106528753]Hello guys, this is a very strong decision I want to make, I need your help to make this decision or not to. I am thinking of cutting my parents off because they have caused me enormous financial setback as a result of the bad decisions my father made. Firstly, I will like to give you a background of the story.

I come from a family of 4 and I am the first child of my parents. My dad is a retired federal government worker, he worked for many eyes as a school cert holder (so obviously, he didn’t hold very top position until he retired, probably the max in reached was level 8 or 9). He trained me through the university and he retired during my NYSC, at this point one of my brothers was in the university (he never graduated because he was nonchalant), my 3rd brother was a jambite and the last born was in primary school. The Jambite graduated this year and the last born is now a jambite.

In 2013, my dad retired and received gratuity worth several millions. My mom tried persuading him to build a house in the village because we are Igbos but Based in ogun state but my dad refused and insisted that he was going to develop his land in ogun state by building a 4 flats building (up stairs) then start business with the remaining money in Ogun state (apparently, he got the revelation from church to do that), he never completed the house. My dad is very religious until date, so out of the money he paid tithe, bought instruments for church and made some donations. Immediately I finished serving, I got a job with a pharmaceutical company as a medical sales representative. I was receiving a salary of 80k with commission. Things started great. I served some money I joined my dad in some of his fish farm business, I was in Enugu while he was doing the farm business in ogun state. When it was time to harvest the fish, I was told stories about theft, I spent 700k on the business but was able to recover 200k because I had to help him offset some debt.

To cut the long story short, my dad started having serious financial issues, couldn’t pay school fees of my last born in school, had several debts just about 2years after collecting millions as gratuity due to his wrong choice of investment. Ofcourse the financial burden transcended to me, until a point that my dad got into trouble from another debt, he spent church harvest savings that he was suppose to remit. I was paying my brothers school fees worth 150k per term, i had to take money from company’s account to help him offset the debt hoping that he would pay up and I will pay some before company finds out. The whole financial burden was so huge for a starter like me, owing to the fact that I lost all my savings to the fish farming business and I also had to pay house rents in Enugu and pay other bills.
I accumulated a debt of 1.2million with the company and then is started paying it by bit until the company found out that there was a deficit of 400k. I was arrested and was in the cell for days.
To get out of the cell, I had to sign a legal agreement for a payment plan of paying 30k monthly to offset the debt. Luckily for me, I got a 60k job 1month after, my dad couldn’t pay my last siblings school fees, I took him to Enugu and started Paying his bills. I was also paying 30k from my salary every month until I paid all the lost the job again during the heat of the recession. I managed to pay up that debt.
Since 2018, I haven’t really done any serious job, I started driving Uber in 2019, saved up some money, my mom needed money for business last year, i borrowed her, she couldn’t complete the payment. The car I was using to do the Uber got bad again.
I had to look for a remote job now in Lagos, I saved up money and learnt how to do footwear, i Am saving some money to pay my house and shop rent and get machines.
Last two month my dad called that he needed money for my brother’s school fees so he can complete his SSCE exams. He promised to payback mid last month, now I have not seen the money and my that was my house rent I borrowed him. My house rent expired in August. I called him, and ofcourse, he is playing the emotional game. Now, they are in serious financial mess and they seem not to want stop dragging me into it and it’s not as if I am doing great myself. I am not, I’m struggling to make something after mortgaging a lot of time paying several debts. It is overwhelming.

The point is, I am 31years old, I’m looking forward to making my own family and it seem if I am not careful, they will drag me back from this objective. Anytime I try to organize myself, they come up with their monetary problems and it hinders my growth. My plan was to get a shop and equip it before the end of first quarter 2022 from the saving I made from my current 80k salary and now they have collected my house rent in form of a loan. That’s a drawback again.

I have to make my own family, I need to shed some burden to be able to do that. I also want to be a parent and I never want to depend on my kids in my old age.
Should I cut them off?
If no, what do you advice that I do?

babtoundey:
A situation I'm facing is a little bit similar. I lent my Mama 50k URGENTLY. She knew I couldn't afford such amount at that moment I would need that money to Ballance up my school fees and rent, yet she kept silent. I knew she has the money, but she doesn't really care how I got the vacuum filled up. I have resolved not to bother her. I'm certain that is the bus-stop. When next she comes knocking with urgent this or that, I will only give her the amount I can afford.No more, no less.

So, my dear brother, there is no point cutting them off else you regret it bitterly for the rest of your life. It's obvious they constitute heavy burden on your finances and growth, nonetheless, you need to recognize that they are your parents. That clause is very sacrosanct. There were times they had the options of denying you everything that qualifies you the formal and informal skills you have attained today, but they endured and sacrificed their flesh, bone and blood for you.

That they are your parents and have done their bids in bringing you up doesn't mean you should kill yourself for them anyways. Learn to say "No", "I don't have that amount", I will try", "I will see what I can do" or "I am broke" to their importunate demands.

The time they ask 100k, give them if you can afford it. if all you can afford is 2k or 1k out of a 100k, don't hesitate to make them understand. You can't ruin yourself all because you want to please anybody.

chinasaekpere:
Hello guys, this is a very strong decision I want to make, I need your help to make this decision or not to. I am thinking of cutting my parents off because they have caused me enormous financial setback as a result of the bad decisions my father made. Firstly, I will like to give you a background of the story.

I come from a family of 4 and I am the first child of my parents. My dad is a retired federal government worker, he worked for many eyes as a school cert holder (so obviously, he didn’t hold very top position until he retired, probably the max in reached was level 8 or 9). He trained me through the university and he retired during my NYSC, at this point one of my brothers was in the university (he never graduated because he was nonchalant), my 3rd brother was a jambite and the last born was in primary school. The Jambite graduated this year and the last born is now a jambite.

In 2013, my dad retired and received gratuity worth several millions. My mom tried persuading him to build a house in the village because we are Igbos but Based in ogun state but my dad refused and insisted that he was going to develop his land in ogun state by building a 4 flats building (up stairs) then start business with the remaining money in Ogun state (apparently, he got the revelation from church to do that), he never completed the house. My dad is very religious until date, so out of the money he paid tithe, bought instruments for church and made some donations. Immediately I finished serving, I got a job with a pharmaceutical company as a medical sales representative. I was receiving a salary of 80k with commission. Things started great. I served some money I joined my dad in some of his fish farm business, I was in Enugu while he was doing the farm business in ogun state. When it was time to harvest the fish, I was told stories about theft, I spent 700k on the business but was able to recover 200k because I had to help him offset some debt.

To cut the long story short, my dad started having serious financial issues, couldn’t pay school fees of my last born in school, had several debts just about 2years after collecting millions as gratuity due to his wrong choice of investment. Ofcourse the financial burden transcended to me, until a point that my dad got into trouble from another debt, he spent church harvest savings that he was suppose to remit. I was paying my brothers school fees worth 150k per term, i had to take money from company’s account to help him offset the debt hoping that he would pay up and I will pay some before company finds out. The whole financial burden was so huge for a starter like me, owing to the fact that I lost all my savings to the fish farming business and I also had to pay house rents in Enugu and pay other bills.
I accumulated a debt of 1.2million with the company and then is started paying it by bit until the company found out that there was a deficit of 400k. I was arrested and was in the cell for days.
To get out of the cell, I had to sign a legal agreement for a payment plan of paying 30k monthly to offset the debt. Luckily for me, I got a 60k job 1month after, my dad couldn’t pay my last siblings school fees, I took him to Enugu and started Paying his bills. I was also paying 30k from my salary every month until I paid all the lost the job again during the heat of the recession. I managed to pay up that debt.
Since 2018, I haven’t really done any serious job, I started driving Uber in 2019, saved up some money, my mom needed money for business last year, i borrowed her, she couldn’t complete the payment. The car I was using to do the Uber got bad again.
I had to look for a remote job now in Lagos, I saved up money and learnt how to do footwear, i Am saving some money to pay my house and shop rent and get machines.
Last two month my dad called that he needed money for my brother’s school fees so he can complete his SSCE exams. He promised to payback mid last month, now I have not seen the money and my that was my house rent I borrowed him. My house rent expired in August. I called him, and ofcourse, he is playing the emotional game. Now, they are in serious financial mess and they seem not to want stop dragging me into it and it’s not as if I am doing great myself. I am not, I’m struggling to make something after mortgaging a lot of time paying several debts. It is overwhelming.

The point is, I am 31years old, I’m looking forward to making my own family and it seem if I am not careful, they will drag me back from this objective. Anytime I try to organize myself, they come up with their monetary problems and it hinders my growth. My plan was to get a shop and equip it before the end of first quarter 2022 from the saving I made from my current 80k salary and now they have collected my house rent in form of a loan. That’s a drawback again.

I have to make my own family, I need to shed some burden to be able to do that. I also want to be a parent and I never want to depend on my kids in my old age.
Should I cut them off?
If no, what do you advice that I do?

chinasaekpere:
Trust me, I have tried.
My parents have the mentality that they have tried their best and I should take up some responsibilities from here. We have had serious rifts on this issue.

chinasaekpere:
Hello guys, this is a very strong decision I want to make, I need your help to make this decision or not to. I am thinking of cutting my parents off because they have caused me enormous financial setback as a result of the bad decisions my father made. Firstly, I will like to give you a background of the story.

I come from a family of 4 and I am the first child of my parents. My dad is a retired federal government worker, he worked for many eyes as a school cert holder (so obviously, he didn’t hold very top position until he retired, probably the max in reached was level 8 or 9). He trained me through the university and he retired during my NYSC, at this point one of my brothers was in the university (he never graduated because he was nonchalant), my 3rd brother was a jambite and the last born was in primary school. The Jambite graduated this year and the last born is now a jambite.

In 2013, my dad retired and received gratuity worth several millions. My mom tried persuading him to build a house in the village because we are Igbos but Based in ogun state but my dad refused and insisted that he was going to develop his land in ogun state by building a 4 flats building (up stairs) then start business with the remaining money in Ogun state (apparently, he got the revelation from church to do that), he never completed the house. My dad is very religious until date, so out of the money he paid tithe, bought instruments for church and made some donations. Immediately I finished serving, I got a job with a pharmaceutical company as a medical sales representative. I was receiving a salary of 80k with commission. Things started great. I served some money I joined my dad in some of his fish farm business, I was in Enugu while he was doing the farm business in ogun state. When it was time to harvest the fish, I was told stories about theft, I spent 700k on the business but was able to recover 200k because I had to help him offset some debt.

To cut the long story short, my dad started having serious financial issues, couldn’t pay school fees of my last born in school, had several debts just about 2years after collecting millions as gratuity due to his wrong choice of investment. Ofcourse the financial burden transcended to me, until a point that my dad got into trouble from another debt, he spent church harvest savings that he was suppose to remit. I was paying my brothers school fees worth 150k per term, i had to take money from company’s account to help him offset the debt hoping that he would pay up and I will pay some before company finds out. The whole financial burden was so huge for a starter like me, owing to the fact that I lost all my savings to the fish farming business and I also had to pay house rents in Enugu and pay other bills.
I accumulated a debt of 1.2million with the company and then is started paying it by bit until the company found out that there was a deficit of 400k. I was arrested and was in the cell for days.
To get out of the cell, I had to sign a legal agreement for a payment plan of paying 30k monthly to offset the debt. Luckily for me, I got a 60k job 1month after, my dad couldn’t pay my last siblings school fees, I took him to Enugu and started Paying his bills. I was also paying 30k from my salary every month until I paid all the lost the job again during the heat of the recession. I managed to pay up that debt.
Since 2018, I haven’t really done any serious job, I started driving Uber in 2019, saved up some money, my mom needed money for business last year, i borrowed her, she couldn’t complete the payment. The car I was using to do the Uber got bad again.
I had to look for a remote job now in Lagos, I saved up money and learnt how to do footwear, i Am saving some money to pay my house and shop rent and get machines.
Last two month my dad called that he needed money for my brother’s school fees so he can complete his SSCE exams. He promised to payback mid last month, now I have not seen the money and my that was my house rent I borrowed him. My house rent expired in August. I called him, and ofcourse, he is playing the emotional game. Now, they are in serious financial mess and they seem not to want stop dragging me into it and it’s not as if I am doing great myself. I am not, I’m struggling to make something after mortgaging a lot of time paying several debts. It is overwhelming.

The point is, I am 31years old, I’m looking forward to making my own family and it seem if I am not careful, they will drag me back from this objective. Anytime I try to organize myself, they come up with their monetary problems and it hinders my growth. My plan was to get a shop and equip it before the end of first quarter 2022 from the saving I made from my current 80k salary and now they have collected my house rent in form of a loan. That’s a drawback again.

I have to make my own family, I need to shed some burden to be able to do that. I also want to be a parent and I never want to depend on my kids in my old age.
Should I cut them off?
If no, what do you advice that I do?

Workch:
It's not the child's decision to be born. It's totally the parents responsibility to make children great else they shouldn't have kids.

That's logical enough

Acidosis:
I would advise that you read his story properly for understanding. Did you send N1 million to your dad on your way to Libya? Why did you leave your family behind to hustle?
Leaving your family behind was your own way of cutting them off.

You should have waited back in Nigeria na if you love your father so much, and sending him 15k from N30k NPower money and still hope to build a "mansion".

If this young man you called stupid does not make some bold move like you did, you will still curse him tomorrow.

EndBuhariNow:
I leave because staying back wasn't helping then I have no other option than to leave, I were in his position now then, I will not leave . at least he gave him education, now he want to cut them off merely because of clitocurrency harvester want him to have responsibility with her

Acidosis:
There's nothing I want to type now that I haven't mentioned in the past few days both online and offline. You're too young to start carrying so many family burden. You haven't even gotten married and family issues have become so much that if you don't retrace your steps, BP might set in.

Frankly, your dad's issue isn't peculiar at all. Most retired civil servants can't manage gratuity the way a business man would. All their lives, they have only learnt to work with their 5 to 6 figure salary. Civil service commissions don't really train them before making that payment and even if they go through a formal training, at 60 or 65, there is only little the brain can accommodate especially in a completely different field. To add to that, some of them spend recklessly, forgetting that, unlike salary, gratuity comes only once in a lifetime.

And this is where I also blame you. You should have known well enough to ensure that your dad put that money in the right business or asset to prevent you from taking over heavy responsibilities. But that's in the past now.


To answer your question, well you don't have to cut them off per se if you can learn to say 'NO'.

TripleOh7:
This is quite something.

Parents have a strong psychological hold on their children.

Those saying "learn to say no" probably have never been in a situation where they had to cater for their parents.


You can't cut off your parents no matter what.


You need to sit both of them down and bare your soul out to them.


Sometimes, we misrepresent our progress to our parents and they think we are doing better than we actually are.


Let them know that you are actually struggling from sliding into abject penury yourself.


Don't be harsh on your father. I believe he raised you right otherwise you won't be feeling guilty about cutting him off.


Don't be harsh on your mother either. She's probably the best human you'll ever meet. (Most mothers usually are)


But you need to let them know that they have to give you time to bounce back on your feet before you can help them again.

Your dad can sell the land which should be worth a lot more now and maybe start a small business for your mother and they can feed from it pending the time you can get back on your feet and your brother who has graduated can get a job and start contributing his quota to ameliorate the family's needs.


The matter of marriage. Be patient. Secure the bag first. No matter how much a woman loves you, if you're broke or struggling, it will be like you're her worst enemy. Don't let her deceive you that she loves you despite your being broke. When the chips are down, she'll be the first to leave.


Focus on your footwear business for the next 2 to 3 years and build it up. Double down. Work hard. Make personal sacrifices. Seize opportunities when they come.

Hopefully, the Universe will smile at you.

Bobmarie:
You blame the man for the mistakes of his father?


Lmao! He should’ve have known well enough that the business his dad was doing would fail? Like he should’ve known more than his father? Someone that raised him? You must be very sick.

Acidosis:
Well I have to admit that my post was based on a very personal experience. While my (own) dad is yet to receive his gratuity, we've had one on one discussions on what to do with the funds and I'm not even his first child. Mind you, he's not uneducated. There are many financial decisions he won't take without involving his children, even to the smallest things like the kind of phone to buy. So your idea of "someone that raised him" is funny.

I don't know how they manage their home but many homes with fairly or uneducated parents rely on their children for ideas.

OP knows his family more than anyone here. As the first child, he should know that any failure or mismanagement will show a ripple effect. If the father cannot trust his idea, then why call him every now and then for money? According to you, the father knows better, so he should sought himself na.

And by the way, that insult was uncalled for. Fine girl like you no suppose dey throw tantrums online.