₦airaland Forum

babtoundey:
That simple logic of yours suggests that a child has no responsibility looking after the parents or being sympathetic of the parent's plight. After all, he doesn't wish to be born.

Nobody is in support of parents being leeches on their children or stunting their children growth by making them go insolvent. It is important we you understand that not all parents are parasites. And the few you might called parasites might have at one time or the other, done all they could afford to make their children great. If there were no limitations posed by life challenges and time, every reasonable parent would lead their children to success

So, that logic is not all inclusive. Everyman has limitations. And opportunities, notions and chances are severed by circumstances. That a mother or father demands so much from his or her child at the present moment doesn't mean she has always been useless and irresponsible. It is expected of a parent that has invested a lot in the child to expect some pecuniary gains particularly when they are confronted by crises they feel their child could help them summount. It is left to the child to rule how to relate with them without violating himself or ruining his own chances of living comfortably or as he ought to live.

A child that proves stunt like "I didn't care to be born" when his parents need him is no child. He is an akukubi, something worthless than biscuit.

Yes exactly, parents should not make the children their retirement. The decision to make those children is solely on the parents, they should be responsible for that decision. You have option of not making babies if you can't be responsible for them. They are not your retirement plan, don't make that mistake in your life.
The fact that Africans thing children are their retirement plans contributes to the cycle of poverty.

This doesn't in anyway mean that children cannot gift parents stuffd, but it's not their responsibility to cater for any financial burden incurred by the parent.

[s]

hassan4:
Oga face the challenges. That's why they have you. Keep hustling and take some risks. Family can never be cut off. You think it's just you? We're all in same shit. Soon things will shape up when one or all your brothers sit up.

[/s] so you will give birth to kids so you can kill them with financial burden.

There's an option of not having children because your children are not your retirement plan. Don't give birth like a dog and be expecting that child to feed you when things are hard for the child as well. That child remains your responsibility until you die

Bobmarie:
LOL.

A young man on the brink of financial death, disheartened at the thought of his crumbling future comes here to pour out his heart to get advice, you read all the atrocities his parents are doing to him and proceeded to blame him and are still blaming him for not directing his father? Where will he get his own direction from? Is it not because he lacks direction he is here asking for advice? What a disgusting matter to read, this man has no parents, just leeches. If he really cares about his son, he will not destabilize him in such a manner. Do you know what it means to look for yourself?? To find your own feet? No! But his father does because he raised kids and has been YEARS BEFORE HIM. HE KNOWS THAT THIS PERIOD OF MAN’S LIFE IS THE MOST INTENSE AND FRAGILE, HE KNOWS A MAN ONLY NEEDS SUPPORT AT THIS TIME OF HIS LIFE. His father knows all this.

Stop projecting your dark childhood experiences on OP. Do not try to rewrite his story. OP started with a great story even to the point of investing 700k from his NYSC/job savings. The blame started because like his father, he didn't really show concern and had the guts to invest hundred of thousands in a business he had little or no control over.

Leave the physical attributes of my face and face the fact that you are still sick for blaming someone who has barely started decisions for himself for the mistakes of his father who has been making decisions before he was born. His parents are vile people who will destroy their son’s future if left to it. Make no mistake, they are not illiterates ( Dad was a civil servant). They know what exactly they are doing. They just don’t care. An average Nigerian parent does not care that they are destroying your future with their OWN bills. As far as those bill get paid, it doesn’t matter who it’s hurts.

You are basically blaming a baby, no difference. And for that you are sick, I don’t see it as an insult I see it as the TRUTH.

It's hard to leave the physical attributes of your face because you remind me of Chidinma, the killer girl from UNILAG. You carry a fine face with a dark heart. The dark nature of your heart is why you didn't even realize that I've addressed mainly everything you've mentioned here earlier in a more subtle and respectful manner. The only way you would probably agree with me is if you find me insulting his father like you probably did to your parents?

Despite sharing my personal experiences, which I find to be prevalent in many homes, you still choose to be dum.b??

So after training your kids in Uni to graduate levels, you will continue to make your one-man SSCE-backed archaic and outdated decisions because of your rigid civil service experience as a clerk? All the best to you and your kids !!

Acidosis:
Stop projecting your dark childhood experiences on OP. Do not try to rewrite his story. OP started with a great story even to the point of investing 700k from his NYSC/job savings. The blame started because like his father, he didn't really show concern and had the guts to invest hundred of thousands in a business he had little or no control over.




It's hard to leave the physical attributes of your face because you remind me of Chidinma, the killer girl from UNILAG. You carry a fine face with a dark heart. The dark nature of your heart is why you didn't even realize that I've addressed mainly everything you've mentioned here earlier in a more subtle and respectful manner. The only way you would probably agree with me is if you find me insulting his father like you probably did to your parents?

Despite sharing my personal experiences, which I find to be prevalent in many homes, you still choose to be dum.b??

So after training your kids in Uni to graduate levels, you will continue to make your one-man SSCE-backed archaic and outdated decisions because of your rigid civil service experience as a clerk? All the best !!

Your last paragraph makes me regret even engaging you.



You are still writing gibberish, the man has pleaded with his parents severally, all fell on deaf ears. How then are you comparing him to your dad? Your dad will spit on this post.


You know nothing about the complexion of my heart… you are just the typical African with entitlement issues. Your brain isn’t functioning properly yet, you think all these are insults but they’re facts because you will do the same to your children, raise them to maturity, then start milking them till you die because you think it is your right.

Not all parents are like your dad. Again. SHUT THE FUCC UP IF YOU HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO SAY.

chinasaekpere:
Hello guys, this is a very strong decision I want to make, I need your help to make this decision or not to. I am thinking of cutting my parents off because they have caused me enormous financial setback as a result of the bad decisions my father made. Firstly, I will like to give you a background of the story.

I come from a family of 4 and I am the first child of my parents. My dad is a retired federal government worker, he worked for many eyes as a school cert holder (so obviously, he didn’t hold very top position until he retired, probably the max in reached was level 8 or 9). He trained me through the university and he retired during my NYSC, at this point one of my brothers was in the university (he never graduated because he was nonchalant), my 3rd brother was a jambite and the last born was in primary school. The Jambite graduated this year and the last born is now a jambite.

In 2013, my dad retired and received gratuity worth several millions. My mom tried persuading him to build a house in the village because we are Igbos but Based in ogun state but my dad refused and insisted that he was going to develop his land in ogun state by building a 4 flats building (up stairs) then start business with the remaining money in Ogun state (apparently, he got the revelation from church to do that), he never completed the house. My dad is very religious until date, so out of the money he paid tithe, bought instruments for church and made some donations. Immediately I finished serving, I got a job with a pharmaceutical company as a medical sales representative. I was receiving a salary of 80k with commission. Things started great. I served some money I joined my dad in some of his fish farm business, I was in Enugu while he was doing the farm business in ogun state. When it was time to harvest the fish, I was told stories about theft, I spent 700k on the business but was able to recover 200k because I had to help him offset some debt.

To cut the long story short, my dad started having serious financial issues, couldn’t pay school fees of my last born in school, had several debts just about 2years after collecting millions as gratuity due to his wrong choice of investment. Ofcourse the financial burden transcended to me, until a point that my dad got into trouble from another debt, he spent church harvest savings that he was suppose to remit. I was paying my brothers school fees worth 150k per term, i had to take money from company’s account to help him offset the debt hoping that he would pay up and I will pay some before company finds out. The whole financial burden was so huge for a starter like me, owing to the fact that I lost all my savings to the fish farming business and I also had to pay house rents in Enugu and pay other bills.
I accumulated a debt of 1.2million with the company and then is started paying it by bit until the company found out that there was a deficit of 400k. I was arrested and was in the cell for days.
To get out of the cell, I had to sign a legal agreement for a payment plan of paying 30k monthly to offset the debt. Luckily for me, I got a 60k job 1month after, my dad couldn’t pay my last siblings school fees, I took him to Enugu and started Paying his bills. I was also paying 30k from my salary every month until I paid all the lost the job again during the heat of the recession. I managed to pay up that debt.
Since 2018, I haven’t really done any serious job, I started driving Uber in 2019, saved up some money, my mom needed money for business last year, i borrowed her, she couldn’t complete the payment. The car I was using to do the Uber got bad again.
I had to look for a remote job now in Lagos, I saved up money and learnt how to do footwear, i Am saving some money to pay my house and shop rent and get machines.
Last two month my dad called that he needed money for my brother’s school fees so he can complete his SSCE exams. He promised to payback mid last month, now I have not seen the money and my that was my house rent I borrowed him. My house rent expired in August. I called him, and ofcourse, he is playing the emotional game. Now, they are in serious financial mess and they seem not to want stop dragging me into it and it’s not as if I am doing great myself. I am not, I’m struggling to make something after mortgaging a lot of time paying several debts. It is overwhelming.

The point is, I am 31years old, I’m looking forward to making my own family and it seem if I am not careful, they will drag me back from this objective. Anytime I try to organize myself, they come up with their monetary problems and it hinders my growth. My plan was to get a shop and equip it before the end of first quarter 2022 from the saving I made from my current 80k salary and now they have collected my house rent in form of a loan. That’s a drawback again.

I have to make my own family, I need to shed some burden to be able to do that. I also want to be a parent and I never want to depend on my kids in my old age.
Should I cut them off?
If no, what do you advice that I do?

Bro, you have tried really, that's alot of sacrifices you have paid. Even when you were in cell,they did nothing and you came out and continue paying "their" debt and eventually lost the job,your dad couldn't even use his years in govt to get you a job there,it is sad! Now,make them 10% priority while 90% about your future else your case might be worse considering Nigeria economy reality today.

The only thing that makes your situation better than mine, it is because they managed to sent you to school and not a polygamous family. They gave birth to me,separated and sent me to my ground-father with many wives and children at below age 10,while they continued marrying other women/men. I saw hell,since then my life has not balanced, it has been from hell to hell,impacted my education, everything but thank God for life!!! They didn't contribute a kobo to my schooling but they can call for financial help,I won't lie...I blanked them for a long time,just imagine a situation where you don't know the name of your mother till your adulthood,it is sickens, most times I cry secretly. It was my wife that made me call and send money when feel like.

The issue now is that my mother is sick, and she is talking about being the first born and i asked about the rest,especially my elder sisters...they are saying it is first son they will ask not first daughter, mehn! Guys some Nigerian parents are nothing worse than the govt. No responsibility but inherited stress, when i did my wedding,I had to send transportation(to & fro)before my mum could attend,just imagine!

Bro,please face your life and learn from your parents mistake,God bless us.

chinasaekpere:
Hello guys, this is a very strong decision I want to make, I need your help to make this decision or not to. I am thinking of cutting my parents off because they have caused me enormous financial setback as a result of the bad decisions my father made. Firstly, I will like to give you a background of the story.

I come from a family of 4 and I am the first child of my parents. My dad is a retired federal government worker, he worked for many eyes as a school cert holder (so obviously, he didn’t hold very top position until he retired, probably the max in reached was level 8 or 9). He trained me through the university and he retired during my NYSC, at this point one of my brothers was in the university (he never graduated because he was nonchalant), my 3rd brother was a jambite and the last born was in primary school. The Jambite graduated this year and the last born is now a jambite.

In 2013, my dad retired and received gratuity worth several millions. My mom tried persuading him to build a house in the village because we are Igbos but Based in ogun state but my dad refused and insisted that he was going to develop his land in ogun state by building a 4 flats building (up stairs) then start business with the remaining money in Ogun state (apparently, he got the revelation from church to do that), he never completed the house. My dad is very religious until date, so out of the money he paid tithe, bought instruments for church and made some donations. Immediately I finished serving, I got a job with a pharmaceutical company as a medical sales representative. I was receiving a salary of 80k with commission. Things started great. I served some money I joined my dad in some of his fish farm business, I was in Enugu while he was doing the farm business in ogun state. When it was time to harvest the fish, I was told stories about theft, I spent 700k on the business but was able to recover 200k because I had to help him offset some debt.

To cut the long story short, my dad started having serious financial issues, couldn’t pay school fees of my last born in school, had several debts just about 2years after collecting millions as gratuity due to his wrong choice of investment. Ofcourse the financial burden transcended to me, until a point that my dad got into trouble from another debt, he spent church harvest savings that he was suppose to remit. I was paying my brothers school fees worth 150k per term, i had to take money from company’s account to help him offset the debt hoping that he would pay up and I will pay some before company finds out. The whole financial burden was so huge for a starter like me, owing to the fact that I lost all my savings to the fish farming business and I also had to pay house rents in Enugu and pay other bills.
I accumulated a debt of 1.2million with the company and then is started paying it by bit until the company found out that there was a deficit of 400k. I was arrested and was in the cell for days.
To get out of the cell, I had to sign a legal agreement for a payment plan of paying 30k monthly to offset the debt. Luckily for me, I got a 60k job 1month after, my dad couldn’t pay my last siblings school fees, I took him to Enugu and started Paying his bills. I was also paying 30k from my salary every month until I paid all the lost the job again during the heat of the recession. I managed to pay up that debt.
Since 2018, I haven’t really done any serious job, I started driving Uber in 2019, saved up some money, my mom needed money for business last year, i borrowed her, she couldn’t complete the payment. The car I was using to do the Uber got bad again.
I had to look for a remote job now in Lagos, I saved up money and learnt how to do footwear, i Am saving some money to pay my house and shop rent and get machines.
Last two month my dad called that he needed money for my brother’s school fees so he can complete his SSCE exams. He promised to payback mid last month, now I have not seen the money and my that was my house rent I borrowed him. My house rent expired in August. I called him, and ofcourse, he is playing the emotional game. Now, they are in serious financial mess and they seem not to want stop dragging me into it and it’s not as if I am doing great myself. I am not, I’m struggling to make something after mortgaging a lot of time paying several debts. It is overwhelming.

The point is, I am 31years old, I’m looking forward to making my own family and it seem if I am not careful, they will drag me back from this objective. Anytime I try to organize myself, they come up with their monetary problems and it hinders my growth. My plan was to get a shop and equip it before the end of first quarter 2022 from the saving I made from my current 80k salary and now they have collected my house rent in form of a loan. That’s a drawback again.

I have to make my own family, I need to shed some burden to be able to do that. I also want to be a parent and I never want to depend on my kids in my old age.
Should I cut them off?
If no, what do you advice that I do?

I am speechless. You have really tried... But don't give up, just have a heart to heart discussion with them

chinasaekpere:
Hello guys, this is a very strong decision I want to make, I need your help to make this decision or not to. I am thinking of cutting my parents off because they have caused me enormous financial setback as a result of the bad decisions my father made. Firstly, I will like to give you a background of the story.

I come from a family of 4 and I am the first child of my parents. My dad is a retired federal government worker, he worked for many eyes as a school cert holder (so obviously, he didn’t hold very top position until he retired, probably the max in reached was level 8 or 9). He trained me through the university and he retired during my NYSC, at this point one of my brothers was in the university (he never graduated because he was nonchalant), my 3rd brother was a jambite and the last born was in primary school. The Jambite graduated this year and the last born is now a jambite.

In 2013, my dad retired and received gratuity worth several millions. My mom tried persuading him to build a house in the village because we are Igbos but Based in ogun state but my dad refused and insisted that he was going to develop his land in ogun state by building a 4 flats building (up stairs) then start business with the remaining money in Ogun state (apparently, he got the revelation from church to do that), he never completed the house. My dad is very religious until date, so out of the money he paid tithe, bought instruments for church and made some donations. Immediately I finished serving, I got a job with a pharmaceutical company as a medical sales representative. I was receiving a salary of 80k with commission. Things started great. I served some money I joined my dad in some of his fish farm business, I was in Enugu while he was doing the farm business in ogun state. When it was time to harvest the fish, I was told stories about theft, I spent 700k on the business but was able to recover 200k because I had to help him offset some debt.

To cut the long story short, my dad started having serious financial issues, couldn’t pay school fees of my last born in school, had several debts just about 2years after collecting millions as gratuity due to his wrong choice of investment. Ofcourse the financial burden transcended to me, until a point that my dad got into trouble from another debt, he spent church harvest savings that he was suppose to remit. I was paying my brothers school fees worth 150k per term, i had to take money from company’s account to help him offset the debt hoping that he would pay up and I will pay some before company finds out. The whole financial burden was so huge for a starter like me, owing to the fact that I lost all my savings to the fish farming business and I also had to pay house rents in Enugu and pay other bills.
I accumulated a debt of 1.2million with the company and then is started paying it by bit until the company found out that there was a deficit of 400k. I was arrested and was in the cell for days.
To get out of the cell, I had to sign a legal agreement for a payment plan of paying 30k monthly to offset the debt. Luckily for me, I got a 60k job 1month after, my dad couldn’t pay my last siblings school fees, I took him to Enugu and started Paying his bills. I was also paying 30k from my salary every month until I paid all the lost the job again during the heat of the recession. I managed to pay up that debt.
Since 2018, I haven’t really done any serious job, I started driving Uber in 2019, saved up some money, my mom needed money for business last year, i borrowed her, she couldn’t complete the payment. The car I was using to do the Uber got bad again.
I had to look for a remote job now in Lagos, I saved up money and learnt how to do footwear, i Am saving some money to pay my house and shop rent and get machines.
Last two month my dad called that he needed money for my brother’s school fees so he can complete his SSCE exams. He promised to payback mid last month, now I have not seen the money and my that was my house rent I borrowed him. My house rent expired in August. I called him, and ofcourse, he is playing the emotional game. Now, they are in serious financial mess and they seem not to want stop dragging me into it and it’s not as if I am doing great myself. I am not, I’m struggling to make something after mortgaging a lot of time paying several debts. It is overwhelming.

The point is, I am 31years old, I’m looking forward to making my own family and it seem if I am not careful, they will drag me back from this objective. Anytime I try to organize myself, they come up with their monetary problems and it hinders my growth. My plan was to get a shop and equip it before the end of first quarter 2022 from the saving I made from my current 80k salary and now they have collected my house rent in form of a loan. That’s a drawback again.

I have to make my own family, I need to shed some burden to be able to do that. I also want to be a parent and I never want to depend on my kids in my old age.
Should I cut them off?
If no, what do you advice that I do?

No please, you will be doing the worst mistake of your life.
It was all your fault you couldn't say no to them, and you always present yourself as having to provide for them.
Just a little withrawal from servicing their need will not do any harm plus it will help put you on fast recovery track.

chinasaekpere:
Should I cut them off?

No, you should not.

What is even life? Why are we making the money in the first place? I think you should thank God for providing you with the money to take care of your parents.

There are many of us approaching 40 that are not yet married because we're taking care of family and we are not regretting it at all.

If you understand life, there are things that shouldn't worry you. It's better you take care of them than allow them fall into problem. You'll regret it later.

The solution to this issue is simple to me. It's obvious you have more challenges than you can foot, then up your game! Believe it or not, that's the underlying solution.

Let me help you on how to go about this.

1. You have experience as a pharmaceutical sales rep, that job pays more than bank jobs and even some oil companies. Dust your CV, apply for this job again, many companies are looking for you. My friend is into this, so I know how good this job is.

2. Start marital rites for that your girlfriend. Wait no more, if you let her slip, you'll see yourself still single in the next 5 years. You mentioned both of you are good to each other, then stop wasting time.

There you have it, no need to cut off or cut in anybody. This life simple if you understand am.

Better to make your decisions now and stand firmly by them before you get married and they now start thinking it's your wife influencing you.
You have really tried and you have to put your foot down about them cutting you some slack.

When my billing got severe, i had to talk to my parents. I have a life to build and to do that, I need full financial strength. If you guys will only come to me when you need money, I'll be forced to not pick your calls. They knew i was serious and will do that. I didnt take nor call them for a month, blocked all my family members for that month and never replied a single text of theirs. This is my life we are talking about, if i dont take care of it, no one else will. When i finally unblocked them, i gave my rules. Ill put you guys on a monthly budget and if you exceed it, i wont be liable for anything above it. This move helped put every other thing in perspective for me.
ALWAYS REMEMBER, YOU CANT HELP THE POOR BY BEING ONE OF THEM. SAVE YOURSELF FIRST.

Ginaz:
You have a problem with saying “NO” to their requests and that has landed you in this huge mess.

You’re a young man about to start life, you can’t move forward or have anything meaningful if you ain’t focus on your finances.

Whenever they call to request for money, kindly and respectfully refuse to help . Have a goal to upgrade your finances, save and put your money in accounts you won’t have free access into.

You have tried for you family to your capacity, you are not financially strong to take more responsibility without wreaking your future.

Let “your no means no” sometimes.

Wow, women see how easy it sounds to you.
No real Man can stand saying No to his parents. The solution will be rendering a minimal help that won't hurt learn that and know peace.

[s]

Bobmarie:
COMPLETE LIES AND NONSENSE. How many women do you know personally in Nigeria that have left that marriages for money? To where exactly? Her father’s house? Lol! 80percent of Nigerians are poverty stricken, married people inclusive. There are millions of women struggling out there with their poor husbands including his mom and mine once upon a time, they didn’t leave as you’re claiming. Only prostitutes walk out on a HUSBAND when he’s financially down. He should find a woman who loves him for him in poverty and in wealth. Wrongest marriage advice ever.

[/s]

chinasaekpere:
I think you didn’t understand that he was already in the school before things became bad. We later pulled him Out of the school after then

We didn’t live beyond our means sir.

My brother Chinasaekpere, though the deed has been done but it is highly unreasonable to pay 450k for tuition fee in a year in this country when the payer is not a politician, oil magnet or fraudster. Some parents think that by enrolling their children in a high-paying school is a guarantee that they will be the most intelligent but it has never been the case. Most of us and your parents attended a government owned institution and they were reasonable in life.

Workch:
[s][/s] so you will give birth to kids so you can kill them with financial burden.

There's an option of not having children because your children are not your retirement plan. Don't give birth like a dog and be expecting that child to feed you when things are hard for the child as well. That child remains your responsibility until you die

My brother...take care of your family as they took care of you. To sustain financial freedom, make them independent and make yourself independent as well. E no easy buy that's the goal. Most guys spend more on their girlfriends than immediate family.

IMASTEX:
What you've typed here is one of the major reasons many Nigerians flood religion houses bindding generational problems, when most times it is just a prolonged ill-choices from one generation to the other. It might not be easy to break away completely until they themselves start getting it right especially your dad. Firstly, your parents will never support you settling down anytime soon because that will mean you now have direct commitment hence hindered chances for them. Secondly, always share less info about your hustle, in fact create the impression of being on the street, i.e. Try to seek their urgent help once in a while for cogent reasons. So they will start adjusting to the reality that you're in need. The truth is, the over dependency on one another in Nigeria especially the average family is something else, this is why it becomes difficult to pull out of poverty easily. It is a bounding kind of family system that is practiced hence it makes you always feel that sense of responsibility when you can naturally. Two the opportunities & chances of making money, i.e. jobs are slim, thus it is an easy excuse for few to be the mother hen. This chain effect causes harm in the African setting.
In conclusion, just try to apply wisdom so it won't create a family biff and at the same time you won't sink your life. Just do what you can, never disposed what will directly bring you into negative. Note that more responsibilities even await you and others when your parents age further with the associated packages. Try to counsel your dad and even your siblings on how to create wealth for themselves.

Cc
@flexherbal what have you to say on this matter.

I love the last paragraph.

michlins:
People born between 1990-1996 are going through terrible situation.

Anywhere you see them, have mercy on them

Why do u say this?

Modernizer:
31 is too early to be thinking of marriage.
Take some time to create a stable financial life, the rest will fall into place. Never cut off your parents. Never.

In as much as I agree with u one should plan before getting into marriage, 31 is not too early for marriage!

Rubbiish:
Why do u say this?

I'm among and I understand it

dubeygol:
No you should not cut off your parents. However, whatever you do, do not put your life on hold. Get married and start having your own kids. My life followed almost the same trajectory as yours. At 28 I had finished my NYSC, was gainfully employed and was already supporting my family since my parents had retired. I kept on denying myself things that I needed simply because I was supporting the family. When I was 35, my friends were already pressuring me to get married but I kept telling them I need to do one thing or the other for my parents.

Today I am 45, unmarried, in debt and running from my landlord. I live in my car now. Please, do not be me. Good luck!

O boy this is serious!
How did it degenerate to the level of now sleeping in your car? Don't u have siblings that also assist u? Everything shouldn't be left for the first son!

Rubbiish:
O boy this is serious!
How did it degenerate to the level of now sleeping in your car? Don't u have siblings that also assist u? Everything shouldn't be left for the first son!

That is the life of a man bro. I put my money and energy into one contract like that. When I finished the job, the company started doing me come today come tomorrow. My house rent expired and I'm stuck between paying my house rent or my office rent. I decided to pay my office rent. My clothes and other stuff and in my car and I am working pretty hard now, focusing on other contracts. God willing, e go enter.

Did I regret supporting my parents after they retired? No! Although, I regret not getting married and raising my own family while supporting my parents.