Kobojunkie:

1) Try not to approach this emotionally please so you can clearly see what it is you continue to miss.

2) The very same traditional marriage laws that exist today are the same laws that were used to marry off your great grand mother, along with the other wives, her husband may have had. These laws do not exclude adultery and polygamy from from contract - marriage in this sense is defined as an open contract by these laws allowing men to have their pick of wives.

3) Now, what OP is telling you is that by choosing to be married under the very same traditional laws even today, you openly agree to the same deal your great grandmother's agreed to.

1) I am not missing anything or using emotions kobo, no where does it say traditional marriage is an automatic polygamy or adultery, you are using assumptions as points for your arguments

2) Don't take me and others back to our medieval times or my great grand mother or ancestors cos believe it or not, everyone of them were not polygamous, my great grand father was not polygamous, his wife died and he never married again, he took care of his kids alone, he is my example, and I'm sure there are cases like his' too, why wasn't he polygamous since you and Op assumes so?

3) Come back to earth, as in our time, this generation, marrying under traditional laws is not an automatic anything, no one is agreeing to any automatic deal of anything.

Kobojunkie:
It is not just in the South-East. The same is observed in the Southwest as well.

You're funny.

Majority of divorce cases, both statutory or customary in Southwest Nigeria end with the woman maintaining the custody of the kids, especially when they're still minors.

How many single dads do you see around as compared to single moms?

I'm still laughing at your ignorance.

Biglittlelois:

1) I am not missing anything or using emotions kobo, no where does it say traditional marriage is an automatic polygamy or adultery, you are using assumptions as points for your arguments

2) Don't take me and others back to our medieval times or my great grand mother or ancestors cos believe it or not, everyone of them were not polygamous, my great grand father was not polygamous, his wife died and he never married again, he took care of his kids alone, he is my example, and I'm sure there are cases like his' too, why wasn't he polygamous since you and Op assumes so?

3) Come back to earth, as in our time, this generation, marrying under traditional laws is not an automatic anything, no one is agreeing to any automatic deal of anything.

3. There is no "this generation marrying under traditional laws" because those laws were defined by those refer to as being of medieval times. Since the laws have not changed since their time, what applied then(in medieval times) still applies to those of you of this generation.

Saintmary:
You're funny.

Majority of divorce cases, both statutory or customary in Southwest Nigeria end with the woman maintaining the custody of the kids, especially when they're still minors.

How many single dads do you see around as compared to single moms?

I'm still laughing at your ignorance.

First of all pay attention to what you have there in bold.

Second, let's not switch topics here yet. We are on traditional marriage and it's implications..

Kobojunkie:
True that Nigeria is a multicultural nation but when it comes to tradition and marriage, can you specify one cultural group that does not provide for polygamy as a patriarchal right

If location is what you want, I say you look in the South Easts and South West- I exclude the North where sharia has somewhat taken the place of traditional laws.

You got my point mixed up.

I'm not arguing for polygamy, I'm here for Maternal custody in case of divorce under either customary or statutory practices.

Peace out.

Kobojunkie:


1) Well, it's pretty much general knowledge that traditional laws in much of Nigeria allowed for polygamy- and this from North to South, east to west.

2)The patriarchal nature of society didn't just materialize from nothing, you know.

3) As for fathers getting visitation rights their kids in a traditional setting, do you happen to have an idea of the traditional background of the case in question?

1) You just arrived at my point, yes it allows for it, doesn't mean it is automatically expected and a must, hence my first comment to Op, she had no proof

2) Of course I know that

3) Does the traditional background really matter? It can be an arrangement agreed upon by the parties involved or village heads or elders on what is best for the kids.

Saintmary:

You got my point mixed up.

I'm not arguing for polygamy, I'm here for Maternal custody in case of divorce under either customary or statutory practices.
Peace out.

Ok.

In many Nigerian patriarchal cultures, women bear and raise children but the children ‘belong’ to the man. This is hinged on the overarching principle of customary law that denies a mother’s lineage and strongly upholds patrilineage. If the couple divorce, the mother leaves the children for the ‘owner’ – the father. These religious and cultural traditions influence the awarding of child custody in sharia and customary courts.

The rights of children and women have been documented under various treaties and conventions such as the United Nations Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women, the African Charter on the Rights and Welfare of the Child, the United Nations Convention of the Rights of the Child, and African Union Gender Policy. But patriarchal cultures often violate these rights.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/theconversation.com/amp/customary-law-in-nigeria-favours-men-over-children-in-custody-cases-154420

Kobojunkie:
3. There is no "this generation marrying under traditional laws" because those laws were defined by those refer to as being of medieval times. Since the laws have not changed since their time, what applied then(in medieval times) still applies to those of you of this generation.

Kobo, you are arguing, the fact that the laws have not changed doesnt mean it is an automatic law that has to be followed in all traditional marriages.

Biglittlelois:
Kobo, you are arguing, the fact that the laws have not changed doesnt mean it is an automatic law that has to be followed in all traditional marriages.

You are not processing this at all but blindly arguing instead.

A marriage law created in 1920 makes allowance for a man to engage in adulterous relations and even adopt polygamy. When the same law, unchanged, is invoked in 2021, what makes you believe that the allowances that previously existed are no more?

Saintmary:
You got my point mixed up.

I'm not arguing for polygamy, I'm here for Maternal custody in case of divorce under either customary or statutory practices.

Peace out.

Here's another one from the same write up.

The dominant ethnic group in Ekiti State is Yoruba. All the couples in our study were of Yoruba origin and all the women were economically active. In traditional Yoruba law, the children ‘belong’ to their father. Although motherhood is revered and said to empower a woman in the Yoruba culture, a woman’s right to custody of a child is limited to as long as she is in a union.

Kobojunkie:
First of all pay attention to what you have there in bold.

Second, let's not switch topics here yet. We are on traditional marriage and it's implications..

Of course, when you talk about traditional marriage, you'll end up talking about divorce too.

Divorce happens as a result of marriage, hence it's an implication.


Off topic:

I've observed that lots of you males love to rub your privileges on the face of women, but I've also observed that most of you end up making avoidable errors with your lives.

Instead of you to keep your heads down and be better than your forbears, in order to lift your unborn children and their lineage from the rut they have might be thrown into because of your carelessness, you will be busy beating your chests feeling happy that you are born males. A gender that comes with so much responsibility that requires wisdom. Anyway, it can't affect me sha, I'm handling my own life. Good luck.

Biglittlelois:
1) You just arrived at my point, yes it allows for it, doesn't mean it is automatically expected and a must, hence my first comment to Op, she had no proof

2) Of course I know that

3) Does the traditional background really matter? It can be an arrangement agreed upon by the parties involved or village heads or elders on what is best for the kids.

1. Automatically expected?

3. It does matter since I am interested in knowing where in patriarchal Nigeria fathers are denied full access to their own kids by traditional law. It beggars belief.

Kobojunkie:
Here's another one from the same write up.

Ekìtì dominant in Yorubaland?

Wetin we no go see from all these children.
Ekìtì dominant? Mogbó tun tun.
Very soon you people will start to call Olúwòó of Ìwóland A-class king because of his exuberance.

Your choice of words is just bad. You could have said popular or well-known.

Come here let me school you if you don't have enough knowledge.

Saintmary:
I've observed that lots of you males love to rub your privileges on the face of women, but I've also observed that most of you end up making avoidable errors with your lives.

Instead of you to keep your heads down and be better than your forbears, in order to lift your unborn children and their lineage from the rut they have might be thrown into because of your carelessness, you will be busy beating your chests feeling happy that you are born males. A gender that comes with so much responsibility that requires wisdom. Anyway, it can't affect me sha, I'm handling my own life. Good luck.

Isn't it foolishness on your part to continue believing that somehow men come with so much more responsibility and wisdom than women?

When you were in school- my guess is you are sufficiently educated- did you not write the same exams with those of the other gender? Where you not fairly graded alongside them? So why do you hand off more responsibilities to men, expecting greater wisdom from them?

Kobojunkie:
You are not processing this at all but blindly arguing instead.

A marriage law created in 1920 makes allowance for a man to engage in adulterous relations and even adopt polygamy. When the same law, unchanged, is invoked in 2021, what makes you believe that the allowances that previously existed are no more?

Proof? Link of where it is stated for all tribes in Nigeria?

@Biglittlelois.
Nice one �
And let's not attack Op, this is actually a good topic for intelligent discuss.

Abeg make una no abuse, we are all here to learn�

Biglittlelois:
Proof? Link of where it is stated for all tribes in Nigeria?

Huh? Where is what stated?

What I did there was create a scenario there for to help you understand how unreasonable your conclusion regarding the traditional marriage laws are.
A marriage law created in 1920 makes allowance for a man to engage in adulterous relations and even adopt polygamy. When the same law, unchanged, is invoked in 2021, what makes you believe that the allowances that previously existed are no more?

Kobojunkie:
Isn't it foolishness on your part to continue believing that somehow men come with so much more responsibility and wisdom than women?

When you were in school- my guess is you are sufficiently educated- did you not write the same exams with those of the other gender? Where you not fairly graded alongside them? So why do you hand off more responsibilities to men, expecting greater wisdom from them?

I was talking in the context of family.
In a family, a lot of responsibility lies with the man, which requires wisdom to execute.

Of course I don't expect you to understand my point due to your immaturity, I'm sure matured and married people who will eventually come across my post will understand.

Please don't reply me, good night.

Kobojunkie:
Regardless, the same traditional marriage laws of old that allowed for polygamy are the same laws you submit to when yu opt for traditional marriage.

I don't agree to that

Saintmary:
I was talking in the context of family.
In a family, a lot of responsibility lies with the man, which requires wisdom to execute.

Of course I don't expect you to understand my point due to your immaturity, I'm sure matured and married people who will eventually come across my post will understand.

Please don't reply me, good night.

Even in the context of family, women shouldn't be reliant on men at all. Over and over you have seen how irresponsible the men folk can be so whose to blame for a woman, in the year, 2021, making the same stupid assumption that women made of men back many decades ago?

Why aren't women making more mature choices and decisions where men continue to fail? Why? No be be the same size brain men get wey women get?

habsydiamond:
I don't agree to that

Ok. So were the laws redefined? If yes, by whom? When?

ahnie:
Op,like seriously!?!!

Momma

Kobojunkie:
Huh? Where is what stated?

What I did there was create a scenario there for to help you understand how unreasonable your conclusion regarding the traditional marriage laws are.
A marriage law created in 1920 makes allowance for a man to engage in adulterous relations and even adopt polygamy. When the same law, unchanged, is invoked in 2021, what makes you believe that the allowances that previously existed are no more?

And I'm asking you to show me where it is stated in the marriage law of 1920, give me a screenshot of the created law to back your point, show me where it is explicitly stated for all tribes, surely you don't expect me to take your points as fact.

Biglittlelois:
And I'm asking you to show me where it is stated in the marriage law of 1920, give me a screenshot to back your point, show me where it is explicitly stated for all tribes, surely you don't expect me to take your points as fact.

That was a scenario I made up for the purpose of helping you understand this situation here.

Best in archaic thinking..

Lmao. You are so wrong. Legal marriage won't make a tiny difference in your relationship. He will marry more wives, the children he recognises outside wedlock will have a right on his properties and it won't stop him from cheating. You can sue for bigamy but good luck with that

Who wants the headache that comes from going to court?

maureensylvia:
Only women who are married monogamously under the marriage act (in court or in an approved church) have the right to say “My husband is cheating on me”! If you are only married traditionally, your husband never vowed to be faithful to you!

when you are married only under native law and custom your husband has the right to marry as many wives as he wants and there is NOTHING you can do about it. Also your children belong to him custody wise under native law and custom.

Constrictive criticism is allowed

maureensylvia:


But my dear, have you seen or heard where they exchange vows of fidelity during the traditional marriage?

If there's no exchange of fidelity vows how then is fidelity only meant for the woman, your point is very illogical

Kobojunkie:
That was a scenario I made up for the purpose of helping you understand this situation here.

Are you for real right now? You made up a marriage law of 1920 to prove your automatic adultery and polygamy assumptions? Lol and I actually took you serious. Kobo, I don't do assumptions, I do facts, and I don't like arguing baselessly, seems like you love the continuous back and forth and going around in circles, I'm done here,

Pls don't quote me so I won't have to quote you.

Once dowry is paid and accepted,marriage has taken place.

maureensylvia:

Unreasonable response, this is why you never made it in life

You don't know me that's why you assume... anyway thank goodness I'm not you.