₦airaland Forum

tunde82seidat:
Haaa!!

close your mouth naa, abi make fly......

AutoBodyParts:
In my final year in school, I was attracted to one of my classmates and she too was attracted to me. When I wanted us to get serious, the lady bluntly told me it won't work that she is looking forward to getting married asap and that it will take me years to be ready financially for marriage. I left her and moved on to someone else. 4 years later i was ready for marriage and I got married she is till yet to get married

Lol..even tought there was a ready made man waiting to marry her after school,for her to have told u such bluntly. Or perhaps d guy dumped her

Fiscus105:
Even if the person you love is not the man God ordained for you.

I don't know ur age, but you sound immature , the person you think you love, may change in nearest future and become monster, in addition to that, not everything that man desire that normally come his way, most especially in marriage.

The big question here is what shapes the kind of man or woman you're attracted to.
If the what is right, the decision will most often be right as well.

NickiSlay:
"Why are women in a rush to marry? They don't even add value to themselves, I'm now 80% in agreement that marriage is one of the greatest achievement for a woman, maybe in Nigeria"

It's stupid and ignorant to generalise based on what one person did to you.

Did you not see where he said 80% of ladies, it's left for you to choose where you belong, the 80% or the 20%.
What op said isnt so correct though because it's actually 90% of women's greatest achievement.

cococandy:
They rush to marry mainly because it’s men like OP who still mock them for not being married before 30.

While Biological clock may be an issue, a 30+ lady can have any amount of children she wants.
It’s men who shame them for not being married
And then turn around to wonder why they are in rush to marry.

Beyond their biological clock.

By 30, they are already falling apart appearance wise.

Prolificdeman:
95% of campus relationship doesn't make it pas school gate...Una no go hear.

Focus on your life. There's more to life than marriage. There's time for everything the Bible says. Get your finance solidified first! My one cent!

Bro give me the verse in the bible.

Moreign001:
I sincerely appreciate all of your comments, and words of encouragement, the criticism too helps a lot
.
Let me reassure you guys that I'm fine, relaxed and mild. I feel bad for myself a bit because I lost a wonderful woman, but I'm sincerely gleeful for her. I won't cut her off communications, I will stand by her, support whenever. One thing I understood about love is this. If you genuinely love someone, their happiness should be your first preeminence. Allow them to do what ever makes them happy, and still love them regardless.

Yes we spoke lengthy tonight, and I understood exactly how she feels, I understood deeply how our parents and guidance keeps pressuring their children, pupils and siblings against their wish, not just in marriage, but even in careers and others. And also how parents are forcing children into marriage in other to help in assisting the family burden. How is this right?

Life is love, so I have decided that I'm never going to cut her off, or act as if she never exist, she deserves better. But I will never get involved with her again. I'm mentally strong, and I built it on love. Right now i'm so concerned about her happiness, not her leaving me. I just want her to be happy and fine, that's all. We should never criticize people when they make decisions, maybe we would have made worst decisions in that same position.

Yes, I had intention of marrying her, she knew. She is not a cheat, she's a very good girl and I respect her. The main reason why I brought up this post was because lots of girls are after marriage, some are forced into it without having nothing to offer. I personally asked what's her plans after school, and she said she will open a shop (Food items) until after her Masters programs. I was ready and willing to support her.

I told her to hold on until we're done with our Nysc which should be next year by God's grace.

And those asking why I didn't marry or engage her... Even if I had billions in my account, I still wouldn't have married until I'm done with my Nysc. You don't rush it, we were students for 4years and that's our love duration, we needed at least some time outside school to see how ideal we were.

And to some persons saying she doesn't have time... I pleaded for just one more year, for our Nysc..
Don't encourage people to rush into marriage because of age, she just met this guy, they don't know and haven't tolerate themselves. This is one of the major reasons why marriage keep failing because it can lead to trust issues, violence and others. I understood her very well, she's a very jealous individual, and I can tell you that the new guy doesn't know this, now how about if he doesn't want a woman who is loaded with jealousy? But it's fine, many read to criticize, not to understand and learn.

My advice to every girl out there, try and add value to yourself, this won't just make your husband respect you, it will also stop your parents and guidance from going against your preferred wish.

Oga SIMPson.

Women are cold-blooded when they make these calculations.

Once you peer through her veil of manipulation, you'll see she only ever cares about herself.

BigBashiru:
women know how to rationalize nonsense well. thats your gender's specialty. as for grannies having boyfriends thats just utter rubbish - it never happens. You know you are talking nonsense in order to rationalize the hurt from the truth you have heard that its lights out for most women past 35. any guy toasting post 35 woman obviously has a "lets just manage this one until something better comes around" mentality.

You are in denial. Well small minded people like you know nothing.

Moreign001:
Hello Guys, Good Morning and a Happy Sunday to you all.

I don't know how concise i can be, but I will try.

I just graduated last 3 months, with my girlfriend who's now my ex, and she's 26yrs of age while I'm 28yr.

We started dating from our 200level till yesterday, (that's approximately 4yrs and counting...).
We were ideal together, we were well known in school, to an extent where her friends and mine kept asking how? And wishing theirs was like ours..

She promised never to leave, and she please everyday that I should never hurt her. At times we jokingly talked about our future kids which is now a never happening fable.

So after we graduated, she travelled to stay with her aunt, we do check on each other everyday.

Last month.. She called, and said her friend needs an advice, that she and her date just graduated, and that another man is asking her out, and she's thinking of dumping her guy since he's not ready, and that the newly known man is ready to pay for her marriage rites.
Immediately I knew she was the one in the story, because I already had several dreams were she left me. I pretended, I told her to tell her friend to "Follow Her Heart".

Last night she called, and said there's something she wants to tell me, I responded, "Is it what I already know?", she asked what? I told her she's getting married soon, and she said yes! I was speechless. I asked her for how long has this been going on, she said it started when she came to stay with her Aunt. We spoke, and I congratulated her, she started crying, I ended the call, sent her a good luck text.

This morning, she called and said she couldn't sleep last night. I asked her why she did it, why she decided to get married, she said she doesn't know. I asked if she likes the guy, she said yes. She couldn't stop crying and was saying I shouldn't leave her, while she's the one leaving me. I was totally down, but I have crazy friends. I WhatsApp a friend, told him what just happened, his words boosted me up. He said, " Support her, we move, no be God leave you". That was enough, but it's hard, really hard to move on without her, and she said the same thing and kept pleading I shouldn't leave her.
Now I'm asking, if I was the one who had left, what would have been the story? That I used her and dumped her, because this has always been used against the guys.
Why are women in a rush to marry? They don't even add value to themselves, I'm now 80% in agreement that marriage is one of the greatest achievement for a woman, maybe in Nigeria.

Biological clock.

This is common sense.

It’s sad that Nigerian women use marriage or being married to anybody as a measuring stick of their success in life. There’s more important things like working on yourself, mind, body, soul and spirit. Work on being independent financially. Instead men get the half baked, insecure, selfish, unprepared for life women

BuddhaPalm:
Beyond their biological clock.

By 30, they are already falling apart appearance wise.

That’s your opinion

freesoul12:
Na u dey craze bro.. I would have slapped d hell out of u if i be ur friend for dis mumu statement u just made. Wat she did is bad.. Û will be a loser staying around.. She wants to eat her cake and still have it.. I use God beg u.. Cut ties with her.. Dont entertain any form of communication with her.. She has used u and she still want to continue.. Dont u have ur own value , u seem to be talking like someone with no dignity.. Pls move on,,dats d best respect u deserve.. Supporting her in anyways is a shit.. Ur statement dey annoying guy

Young man, na true u talk, na poverty dey make man not know his right from wrong

charleskl:
close ur mouth there..you all are the same...fish brains

Your mom must have a fish brain too then

authority2006:
Why do we men think everything about relationships is about money? May be the opposite gender had successfully planted that belief in our subconscious and we have accepted it as our fate. That we should make money to please them?
Money money money!! How would you even know the real love when you are already swimming in money? I didn't have money when I got married, just struggling. Today, I'm 100% sure that my wife didn't marry me because of money but for who I was at the time. That's much better

Egbon, money involved why she marry you, she was only contend with what you have then..

Just talk sey ur why was content with what u have.

Frankicent:
Bro you too talk. You're suffering from oneitis. This left you for a man who she think is much better than you. Instead of you to cut ties with her. You dey write formal letter.

Let her go emotional and physically. Find another girl and move on.

You're just pained because you think she's a good girl. And maybe cause you aren't getting younger.

No vex me bro. Your b!tch has been playing the victim. She don already plan this game right from school . Quit been Stup!d

Exactly, can we say. That kind of girl is good

olawaley12:
I'm telling you this from experience been entagled to that girl will break your man emotionally irrespective of how strong you are mentally, yours might be worse because i almost commit suicide because i was always after her happiness thank God for the therapy i took which made me understood how far i need to go away from such unhealth relationship. For Bleep sake forget this girl for real she's using you like a roller coaster, someone that followed her heart because you don't exist in it before her decision geez another man is after someone else's coochie. My brother man up Abeg don't regret this later

Egbon, u re right, I believe the was assisting the girl in school financially, the girl already know how is going to end..

Truly the guy no dey de girl heart from onset.

Oloristarr:
One thing is probably the ex boyfriend took all those years to marry was he was getting over his lost relationship now he felt since she’s out of the picture am no longer in hurry I can decide to be single forever or wait till I feel it’s the best time…cause he waited 9 years doesn’t mean he would have done the same with his ex..and why get married cause u want to have grown up kids quickly have u ever wondered if a child dies,what if u rushed into a relationship only to discover some biological incompatibilities but still continued with hope of “gods grace” some women don’t want kids at all but just because of parents and society they just have to take it that way ..nowadays you have so many people married but they aren’t really married in public u see them as the best couples but in the house they don’t even talk or meet eye to eye..some even tell their kids how they regret the marriage and of possible would go back and wait for the person they really loved but didn’t have all the time to wait

Some marry for financial aid, some of these girls come from poor family majority of them Mary to quench the hardships they are into. They now marry a wrong man available for the deal

advanceDNA:
If it’s the guy that broke up becos he found someone else...he would have been tagged all the horrible names in the world....

But when a woman breaks a mans’s heart..it’s now a case of “she doesn’t belong to him”

Can’t a man expect some level of loyalty from a woman he’s dating...??

She just clearly used and dumped him and it’s still his fault....

Yet she has the guts to manipulate him not to leave her ..

. if eating one’s cake and keeping it was a person....

I only addressed the phrase "my thing"

He should have valued his "thing" which is actually attached to a beating heart.

You too look at it naw, dating anyone indefinitely, without a commitment in view is really bad. And he came here to tell us he was planning to marry her. Planning to marry someone without important steps like seeing her family, setting a date and putting some stuff in place is just wishful thinking and amounts to stringing along. Nobody wants an indecisive man for a husband. Be honest with yourself, he didn't do well.

No success in years of courtship na still separation go end am, if you love a person the BEST thing is to marry them off...

Saintmary:
I only addressed the phrase "my thing"

He should have valued his "thing" which is actually attached to a beating heart.

You too look at it naw, dating anyone indefinitely, without a commitment in view is really bad. And he came here to tell us he was planning to marry her. Planning to marry someone without important steps like seeing her family, setting a date and putting some stuff in place is just wishful thinking and amounts to stringing along. Nobody wants an indecisive man for a husband. Be honest with yourself, he didn't do well.

They were both in college for crying out loud...
Was he supposed to marry her in two hundred level...?
It’s always easy for you women judge when you are the ones serving the breakfast... as usual.. the guy is at fault....

This is an interesting read. Lots of eye-openers here. I like how some people bolded points from other people's statement.
Anyways, at the end it's her choice. If you were her choice then she would have somehow let you know how pressured she was before venturing out. Truth is no one just out of the blues gets engaged with a total stranger, you've been fooled there.

Cut communications and surround yourself with your guys always till you heal up. You won't die, you'll only heal quickly. I remembered when guys here saying will I die if I left a girl? Decided to try it out, it felt like I'll die initially but I later started feeling great after some understanding I got.

Hmmm

advanceDNA:
They were both in college for crying out loud...
Was he supposed to marry her in two hundred level...?
It’s always easy for you women judge when you are the ones serving the breakfast... as usual.. the guy is at fault....

I'm surprised you couldn't read and process what I wrote before you responded hastily by attacking me as if I'm the one that broke your heart.

When did I post that he should marry at 200 level?

I see that you don't want to reason and you don't seem like the type that finds solutions, so I don't think I should engage you any further. Please don't reply me.

Saintmary:
I'm surprised you couldn't read and process what I wrote before you responded hastily by attacking me as if I'm the one that broke your heart.

When did I post that he should marry at 200 level?

I see that you don't want to reason and you don't seem like the type that finds solutions, so I don't think I should engage you any further. Please don't reply me.

I don’t have to agree with your line of thought just becos I read and processed it ..

what’s wrong with people on nairaland these ... always wanting people to see things their way..
You never said they should marry in 200 level
Neither did I tell you any one broke my heart.

And by the way.. condescending behaviour is irritating....it’s a free forum for posting...u don’t have to respond....and u certainly don’t have to tell me what to do..

IdreamOfUnicorn:
After four years of being with her you don't have intention to marry her and you expected her to stay put? You want to turn her to lord of the rings

there's difference between intention and finance

BigBashiru:
a woman over 30 can have any number of children she wants but there are some caveats. biologically, it has been proven that a woman is most fit for conception and birth of the healthiest babies between 18-30..... this is also the same reason why guys disturb girls 18-30 the most.... nature has designed it all out. the reason why guys disturb girls 18-28 the most is so they can pick the best man to mate with.... the rate at which men show interest in a girl is directly proportional to her youthful look - the more youthful she looks, the more disturbance she gets because youth is subconsciously tied to mating....


yes a woman over 30 can have any number of children she wants but with increased risks in labor (God forbid)... men have biological clock too they just too proud to confess... i believe a guys biological clock is 40.... and 35 is the best age for a guy to have children... a guy can marry at 35 and have flings with hot girls the rest of his life but by 35 the girl is no longer pulling guys like she used to and even for her to have flings is difficult.

Any woman that accuses me of "cheating" after getting married is wasting her time - its becos her own bargaining power is gone; if not she would do the same....she cheated herself by not getting married on time.

healthiest baby relative to what? If I may ask...

richmondefosa:
Folake4u, someone wants to get married to you ASAP.

Lmao I saw it oh. . I nor dey Interested.

Moreign001:
Brooooo, it's really sad no cap. I wrote jamb 3times, I was supposed to graduate last year, but pandemic took over. It even more sad that some persons at that age are still writing Jamb. So poor...

Lol, I'm not a bro.
I also graduated around age25, so I know exactly how it feels.
It affected my life in many ways.
It is well.

They don't! If you have money, your wife will be arranging babes for you! Forget story! This however only applies to Nigerian girls! I've never been outside Nigeria... I can only speak on what I know!

Moreign001:
Those who have money doesn't experience broken homes, or they don't get their heart broken?

Oga... You just dey speak English! As long as you are in this Nigeria and you're married to a Nigerian woman... All they know is money...I'm saying it with my full chest and I stand by it 40000%!

authority2006:
Why do we men think everything about relationships is about money? May be the opposite gender had successfully planted that belief in our subconscious and we have accepted it as our fate. That we should make money to please them?
Money money money!! How would you even know the real love when you are already swimming in money? I didn't have money when I got married, just struggling. Today, I'm 100% sure that my wife didn't marry me because of money but for who I was at the time. That's much better