₦airaland Forum

Your children one day will ask social media this same question. What u sow u reap

Supreme145:
Good day Nairalanders, there have been a lingering cold war in my family between my parents and it has created a tension in my family that as the first son I'm running out of options on how to dunce this tension. My parents have been married for almost 30 years and just like another has been full of ups and downs.

I will try not to sound biased but my dad's authoritarian nature has caused a serious crack in my our family and made my mom a very unhappy woman that is just enduring the marriage for the sake of her children. Instead of the children to find solace in our home we all prefer to be far away due to the continuous rift between our parents. My dad has never laid his hands on our mom but constantly talks down on her even in front of the kids, and knowing my father you would rather prefer to be mended with 2x2 plank rather than my father letting his tongue lose on you. His mouth is filled with venom.

A while ago one of my siblings got a job as a cashier in a bet shop without my father's knowledge, we kept it away from him because we knew very well he would object because he hated anything bet. My mom on the other hand knowing fully well that the boy has been idle for a while gave her consent reluctantly. My dad got to know after he observed that the boy was dropping money at home frequently and when he inquired about the source of the money and learnt that he was working in bet shop all hell was let loose.

He called me on phone in school, which he rarely does just to confirm if I was aware which I replied in the affirmative. He said all manner of derogatory things to me, because he felt his position as the head of the home was threatened, he felt we the children was siding my mom to override his authority in the home. My siblings would later call me the following day to complain about how he spoke to my mom, the poor woman cried for days. They said my dad would never see a dime of their money if they get rich even though I know it was childish talk but that's how serious thing are.

Almost all my siblings have grown to hate my dad though they conceal it very well. His tyrannical rule is not helping matters at all, my dad is the kinda father that if you spoil an appliance in the house, it would be in your best interest to repair it before he becomes aware because the funny part is he won't say much to you rather all the aggression would be transfered to my mom. If we use the generator we would have to replace the quantity of fuel that we used. I was sleeping in lecture hall in school, my pop man insisted there was no money and even advised I withdrew from school if I can't cope only to get home to meet the news that he just bought a land lol.

While I don't expect much from him cos I'm of age, I don't like how he keeps alienating himself from my other siblings due to his nonchalant attitude to their warfare. Those kids would spend weeks at home due to non payment of school fees but he would spend hundreds of thousands fixing his car if it breaks down.

My mom called me today in tears, p man just left the house without dropping anything for Xmas, and even a cube of maggi is not at home, and its not as if he doesn't have money, I'm away of the big contracts he's working on at the moment whereas he's been spending on his car putting it in shape for travelling him.
And he was the one that told momsi not to process her cassava and sell because she envisaged that something like this would happen.

Now my siblings have been bombarding me with complaints and this is why I preferred to stay back in school instead of traveling home.
How should I approach this issue? I can't call a man and tell him how to use his money, I've been struggling to make mine so that I can offset some of the expenses from his shoulder.

I love my dad and I understand his struggles, i know what people without a father figure goes through but how can I stop the hate that is brewing towards him from my siblings?
I want our home to be peaceful.
Please I need your advice.

Humble yourself before him always. That will kill his ego.

bigcee:
African mentality. "submit to his authority"

As in eeh!! Don't mind that guy's bondaged mentality.... Everyone is thinking right, dat one is thinking left

dapadawee:
Your children one day will ask social media this same question. What u sow u reap

What's wrong with some of you people?

I personally don't see anything wrong in what the OP is saying. Man, you guy's should be calming down.

This story is so relatable
My dad is exactly like this

My mom is a very strong woman
It always hurt me to see her crying
I use to talk back at my father when he abuses her
But that only complicate the issue

Omo make God bless every struggling mother

Pray for daddy

To be a Man, Husband and Father ain't easy

They are target of the enemy

Endure...
Talk with him,
And endure more.

It won’t be forever.

shawante:
Mehn my father is kind of similar to your father although a bit milder.. But anytime he tries to start those his nonsense I dey enter am wotowoto before him go calm down.

It seems none of you are stubborn at home that's why he's behaving the way he does

They are not soft, they may be tho... But Really, you need to put some fathers to shape. 30 years is not small o. I think OP needs to learn his father's behaviours with more maturity.

But bros, what is wotowoto

Karleb:
Please stop playing the devil's advocate.

You mean a grown up man needs another person that might not be upto half of his age to tell him how his actions affect his family? C'mon!

This is like saying you need to have heart to heart talk with Buhari to tell him of the hardship in the country.

Yes sometimes people drift away, you call them to order

Jus know that he will never change again, there are somethings you can no longer change at a certain age.

I can relate to all you have said, your success and that of your siblings is the best revenge, tough time never last tough pple do, my father is far strictly than that but yet we thank God. He is over 80 now and yet still Arbor same attitude.

Focus on you, and you don't stir up war in any form. Preach peace all the time and work smart, you will be grateful one day.

smile4kenn:
Be patient with him

https://gist.am/question/how-do-i-handle-my-problematic-father

In as much is I understand your intentions, I don't appreciate you're posting this issue on another forum without my consent, please take it down if you can.

Talk to your dad man to man. As the first child it’s your responsibility to let him know the effect of his actions and how it’s creating a big crack in the family. Honestly just let him know that you guys aint happy and won’t have a happy home if things don’t change. Pour your pains out to him cuz he might be in his own zone thinking that his way is the best way to raise a family but its the complete opposite. If you don’t do something about it now, it might affect the bond and growth of your family later. Your siblings wont love visiting home and their kids might not be close to their grand parents and other things.

Ojikutumomiage:
They are not soft, they may be tho... But Really, you need to put some fathers to shape. 30 years is not small o. I think OP needs to learn his father's behaviours with more maturity.

But bros, what is wotowoto

I think OP needs to stand up to his father more often especially when his father verbally assaults his mother. I believe when he does it a few times his father will retrace his steps a little.

If you watched 'Selina tested' you'll understand the meaning of wotowoto

Sens8:
Talk to your dad man to man. As the first child it’s your responsibility to let him know the effect of his actions and how it’s creating a big crack in the family. Honestly just let him know that you guys aint happy and won’t have a happy home if things don’t change. Pour your pains out to him cuz he might be in his own zone thinking that his way is the best way to raise a family but its the complete opposite. If you don’t do something about it now, it might affect the bond and growth of your family later. Your siblings wont love visiting home and their kids might not be close to their grand parents and other things.

So you think he hasn't spoken to him about it all this while.. In my experience stubborn people don't like to listen to soft people the only way they reason is the hard way.
So if you are not ready to respond to them in a hard way just be comfortable with the way they are treating you

Irupetepete:
My dad was like this, if we just hear his car horn, everybody go japa commot for sitting room and push our last born to go meet him..
The man use wire cord design my back because of a dead bird phone I took from his closet..
Dead bird phone o..
I don't even want to discuss how he turned out but my mom just moved into her own house today

Exactly why I say the mother is the reason why they are having to endure all that treatment.

NairaMaster1:
Humble yourself before him always. That will kill his ego.

Worst advice ever.. I'd rather drink sniper

Supreme145:
Good day Nairalanders, there have been a lingering cold war in my family between my parents and it has created a tension in my family that as the first son I'm running out of options on how to dunce this tension. My parents have been married for almost 30 years and just like another has been full of ups and downs.

I will try not to sound biased but my dad's authoritarian nature has caused a serious crack in my our family and made my mom a very unhappy woman that is just enduring the marriage for the sake of her children. Instead of the children to find solace in our home we all prefer to be far away due to the continuous rift between our parents. My dad has never laid his hands on our mom but constantly talks down on her even in front of the kids, and knowing my father you would rather prefer to be mended with 2x2 plank rather than my father letting his tongue lose on you. His mouth is filled with venom.

A while ago one of my siblings got a job as a cashier in a bet shop without my father's knowledge, we kept it away from him because we knew very well he would object because he hated anything bet. My mom on the other hand knowing fully well that the boy has been idle for a while gave her consent reluctantly. My dad got to know after he observed that the boy was dropping money at home frequently and when he inquired about the source of the money and learnt that he was working in bet shop all hell was let loose.

He called me on phone in school, which he rarely does just to confirm if I was aware which I replied in the affirmative. He said all manner of derogatory things to me, because he felt his position as the head of the home was threatened, he felt we the children was siding my mom to override his authority in the home. My siblings would later call me the following day to complain about how he spoke to my mom, the poor woman cried for days. They said my dad would never see a dime of their money if they get rich even though I know it was childish talk but that's how serious thing are.

Almost all my siblings have grown to hate my dad though they conceal it very well. His tyrannical rule is not helping matters at all, my dad is the kinda father that if you spoil an appliance in the house, it would be in your best interest to repair it before he becomes aware because the funny part is he won't say much to you rather all the aggression would be transfered to my mom. If we use the generator we would have to replace the quantity of fuel that we used. I was sleeping in lecture hall in school, my pop man insisted there was no money and even advised I withdrew from school if I can't cope only to get home to meet the news that he just bought a land lol.

While I don't expect much from him cos I'm of age, I don't like how he keeps alienating himself from my other siblings due to his nonchalant attitude to their warfare. Those kids would spend weeks at home due to non payment of school fees but he would spend hundreds of thousands fixing his car if it breaks down.

My mom called me today in tears, p man just left the house without dropping anything for Xmas, and even a cube of maggi is not at home, and its not as if he doesn't have money, I'm away of the big contracts he's working on at the moment whereas he's been spending on his car putting it in shape for travelling him.
And he was the one that told momsi not to process her cassava and sell because she envisaged that something like this would happen.

Now my siblings have been bombarding me with complaints and this is why I preferred to stay back in school instead of traveling home.
How should I approach this issue? I can't call a man and tell him how to use his money, I've been struggling to make mine so that I can offset some of the expenses from his shoulder.

I love my dad and I understand his struggles, i know what people without a father figure goes through but how can I stop the hate that is brewing towards him from my siblings?
I want our home to be peaceful.
Please I need your advice.

/
Take your dad on a family vacation to anywhere in Ogun State. Come back here and tell us the experience. Don't type R.I.P in advance or you may become the prime suspect.

/

TheStakeHolder:
WHAT I SEE HERE IS A MAN WHOSE WIFE HAS BEEN ABLE TO MANIPULATE THEIR CHILDREN INTO THINKING THE MAN IS A PROBLEM.

THE MAN IS AWARE OF ALL THESE. HE IS ANGRY AND HAS DECIDED TO DISSOCIATE HIMSELF FROM THE FAMILY.

YOU, YOUR SIBLINGS AND MUM SHOULD GO AND ASK THAT MAN FOR FORGIVENESS AND SUBMIT TO HIS AUTHORITY.

.

Three things:

- Hurry up and leave that house for the owner so you can devote your energy to thinking of matters concerning your own house. Until you do that, you are subject to all manner of shit from whoever you are dependent on. Feel free to isolate yourself from their toxicity after you have gained your freedom.

- Women! Get this point into your thick fucking skulls. Figure out what to do with your life beyond just being a housewife and giving birth to children. There is more to the purpose of your life than just these basic things. BE FINANCIALLY PRODUCTIVE so you are not that person having to be asking one man with delusions of godhood (and even your children for that matter), for money to buy everything including paiyynt. This shit makes me angry when I see women who put themselves in these situations. Being a MONEY EARNING woman does not make you a bad christian. Read Proverbs 31. In fact, you should be suspicious of any man who doesn't want a proverbs 31 woman. It means he just wants someone he can control due to his own low self esteem issues.

- Sons and Daughters! Get this into your thick fucking skulls. Be stubborn early. Set boundaries with your parents early. No human being has the right to insult you, so tell them to cut that shit out the moment they start and hang up if they continue. YOU have to teach people how to relate with you respectfully. Otherwise you leave too much to their bleeped up nebulous concept of right and wrong, respect and disrespect. Give your parents a template of how to interact with you through negaive/positive reinforcement. When they know you will put up a fight each and everytime, they too will start fearing the consequences of getting you involved with their mess and will disrespect everyone else in that family but you.

Supreme145:
Good day Nairalanders, there have been a lingering cold war in my family between my parents and it has created a tension in my family that as the first son I'm running out of options on how to dunce this tension. My parents have been married for almost 30 years and just like another has been full of ups and downs.

I will try not to sound biased but my dad's authoritarian nature has caused a serious crack in my our family and made my mom a very unhappy woman that is just enduring the marriage for the sake of her children. Instead of the children to find solace in our home we all prefer to be far away due to the continuous rift between our parents. My dad has never laid his hands on our mom but constantly talks down on her even in front of the kids, and knowing my father you would rather prefer to be mended with 2x2 plank rather than my father letting his tongue lose on you. His mouth is filled with venom.

A while ago one of my siblings got a job as a cashier in a bet shop without my father's knowledge, we kept it away from him because we knew very well he would object because he hated anything bet. My mom on the other hand knowing fully well that the boy has been idle for a while gave her consent reluctantly. My dad got to know after he observed that the boy was dropping money at home frequently and when he inquired about the source of the money and learnt that he was working in bet shop all hell was let loose.

He called me on phone in school, which he rarely does just to confirm if I was aware which I replied in the affirmative. He said all manner of derogatory things to me, because he felt his position as the head of the home was threatened, he felt we the children was siding my mom to override his authority in the home. My siblings would later call me the following day to complain about how he spoke to my mom, the poor woman cried for days. They said my dad would never see a dime of their money if they get rich even though I know it was childish talk but that's how serious thing are.

Almost all my siblings have grown to hate my dad though they conceal it very well. His tyrannical rule is not helping matters at all, my dad is the kinda father that if you spoil an appliance in the house, it would be in your best interest to repair it before he becomes aware because the funny part is he won't say much to you rather all the aggression would be transfered to my mom. If we use the generator we would have to replace the quantity of fuel that we used. I was sleeping in lecture hall in school, my pop man insisted there was no money and even advised I withdrew from school if I can't cope only to get home to meet the news that he just bought a land lol.

While I don't expect much from him cos I'm of age, I don't like how he keeps alienating himself from my other siblings due to his nonchalant attitude to their warfare. Those kids would spend weeks at home due to non payment of school fees but he would spend hundreds of thousands fixing his car if it breaks down.

My mom called me today in tears, p man just left the house without dropping anything for Xmas, and even a cube of maggi is not at home, and its not as if he doesn't have money, I'm away of the big contracts he's working on at the moment whereas he's been spending on his car putting it in shape for travelling him.
And he was the one that told momsi not to process her cassava and sell because she envisaged that something like this would happen.

Now my siblings have been bombarding me with complaints and this is why I preferred to stay back in school instead of traveling home.
How should I approach this issue? I can't call a man and tell him how to use his money, I've been struggling to make mine so that I can offset some of the expenses from his shoulder.

I love my dad and I understand his struggles, i know what people without a father figure goes through but how can I stop the hate that is brewing towards him from my siblings?
I want our home to be peaceful.
Please I need your advice.

Being the first son. You are in the best position to talk to him.
Sit him down. Let him know how much his words and actions are pushing the whole family away from him.
Let him know that sooner or later you all (the kids) will leave and he’s going to be stuck with his wife.

Supreme145:
Good day Nairalanders, there have been a lingering cold war in my family between my parents and it has created a tension in my family that as the first son I'm running out of options on how to dunce this tension. My parents have been married for almost 30 years and just like another has been full of ups and downs.

I will try not to sound biased but my dad's authoritarian nature has caused a serious crack in my our family and made my mom a very unhappy woman that is just enduring the marriage for the sake of her children. Instead of the children to find solace in our home we all prefer to be far away due to the continuous rift between our parents. My dad has never laid his hands on our mom but constantly talks down on her even in front of the kids, and knowing my father you would rather prefer to be mended with 2x2 plank rather than my father letting his tongue lose on you. His mouth is filled with venom.

A while ago one of my siblings got a job as a cashier in a bet shop without my father's knowledge, we kept it away from him because we knew very well he would object because he hated anything bet. My mom on the other hand knowing fully well that the boy has been idle for a while gave her consent reluctantly. My dad got to know after he observed that the boy was dropping money at home frequently and when he inquired about the source of the money and learnt that he was working in bet shop all hell was let loose.

He called me on phone in school, which he rarely does just to confirm if I was aware which I replied in the affirmative. He said all manner of derogatory things to me, because he felt his position as the head of the home was threatened, he felt we the children was siding my mom to override his authority in the home. My siblings would later call me the following day to complain about how he spoke to my mom, the poor woman cried for days. They said my dad would never see a dime of their money if they get rich even though I know it was childish talk but that's how serious thing are.

Almost all my siblings have grown to hate my dad though they conceal it very well. His tyrannical rule is not helping matters at all, my dad is the kinda father that if you spoil an appliance in the house, it would be in your best interest to repair it before he becomes aware because the funny part is he won't say much to you rather all the aggression would be transfered to my mom. If we use the generator we would have to replace the quantity of fuel that we used. I was sleeping in lecture hall in school, my pop man insisted there was no money and even advised I withdrew from school if I can't cope only to get home to meet the news that he just bought a land lol.

While I don't expect much from him cos I'm of age, I don't like how he keeps alienating himself from my other siblings due to his nonchalant attitude to their warfare. Those kids would spend weeks at home due to non payment of school fees but he would spend hundreds of thousands fixing his car if it breaks down.

My mom called me today in tears, p man just left the house without dropping anything for Xmas, and even a cube of maggi is not at home, and its not as if he doesn't have money, I'm away of the big contracts he's working on at the moment whereas he's been spending on his car putting it in shape for travelling him.
And he was the one that told momsi not to process her cassava and sell because she envisaged that something like this would happen.

Now my siblings have been bombarding me with complaints and this is why I preferred to stay back in school instead of traveling home.
How should I approach this issue? I can't call a man and tell him how to use his money, I've been struggling to make mine so that I can offset some of the expenses from his shoulder.

I love my dad and I understand his struggles, i know what people without a father figure goes through but how can I stop the hate that is brewing towards him from my siblings?
I want our home to be peaceful.
Please I need your advice.

I can relate to everything here. It's pretty bad menh. Only one option make everyone try hustle up. Rent a house and move. I moved to another city.

Supreme145:
In as much is I understand your intentions, I don't appreciate you're posting this issue on another forum without my consent, please take it down if you can.

You should join gist.am. They need detailed questions like yours

Mstick:
Almost 30 years of marriage and your Mom doesn't know how to work around your dad?

Weird.

this things are not normal bro. Seeing same shit bro

ksly24:
You're just focusing only on the part that one of his siblings choose to work in a bet shop, ignoring the flaws of the dad OP talked about, "oga at the top" my black ass.

these are not flaws, these are rules that this man put in place in his humble abode.... everyone living under his roof better abide by them or find a place of their own. this man has been like this for 30yrs, they are all used to this man's ways and there is no reason to try to change him now,

Supreme145:
Good day Nairalanders, there have been a lingering cold war in my family between my parents and it has created a tension in my family that as the first son I'm running out of options on how to dunce this tension. My parents have been married for almost 30 years and just like another has been full of ups and downs.

I will try not to sound biased but my dad's authoritarian nature has caused a serious crack in my our family and made my mom a very unhappy woman that is just enduring the marriage for the sake of her children. Instead of the children to find solace in our home we all prefer to be far away due to the continuous rift between our parents. My dad has never laid his hands on our mom but constantly talks down on her even in front of the kids, and knowing my father you would rather prefer to be mended with 2x2 plank rather than my father letting his tongue lose on you. His mouth is filled with venom.

A while ago one of my siblings got a job as a cashier in a bet shop without my father's knowledge, we kept it away from him because we knew very well he would object because he hated anything bet. My mom on the other hand knowing fully well that the boy has been idle for a while gave her consent reluctantly. My dad got to know after he observed that the boy was dropping money at home frequently and when he inquired about the source of the money and learnt that he was working in bet shop all hell was let loose.

He called me on phone in school, which he rarely does just to confirm if I was aware which I replied in the affirmative. He said all manner of derogatory things to me, because he felt his position as the head of the home was threatened, he felt we the children was siding my mom to override his authority in the home. My siblings would later call me the following day to complain about how he spoke to my mom, the poor woman cried for days. They said my dad would never see a dime of their money if they get rich even though I know it was childish talk but that's how serious thing are.

Almost all my siblings have grown to hate my dad though they conceal it very well. His tyrannical rule is not helping matters at all, my dad is the kinda father that if you spoil an appliance in the house, it would be in your best interest to repair it before he becomes aware because the funny part is he won't say much to you rather all the aggression would be transfered to my mom. If we use the generator we would have to replace the quantity of fuel that we used. I was sleeping in lecture hall in school, my pop man insisted there was no money and even advised I withdrew from school if I can't cope only to get home to meet the news that he just bought a land lol.

While I don't expect much from him cos I'm of age, I don't like how he keeps alienating himself from my other siblings due to his nonchalant attitude to their warfare. Those kids would spend weeks at home due to non payment of school fees but he would spend hundreds of thousands fixing his car if it breaks down.

My mom called me today in tears, p man just left the house without dropping anything for Xmas, and even a cube of maggi is not at home, and its not as if he doesn't have money, I'm away of the big contracts he's working on at the moment whereas he's been spending on his car putting it in shape for travelling him.
And he was the one that told momsi not to process her cassava and sell because she envisaged that something like this would happen.

Now my siblings have been bombarding me with complaints and this is why I preferred to stay back in school instead of traveling home.
How should I approach this issue? I can't call a man and tell him how to use his money, I've been struggling to make mine so that I can offset some of the expenses from his shoulder.

I love my dad and I understand his struggles, i know what people without a father figure goes through but how can I stop the hate that is brewing towards him from my siblings?
I want our home to be peaceful.9
Please I need your advice.

Bro am inside this boat you are in also! Infact as a first son in the family, my plan now is to leave the house and spend more than 10 years to see if I can focus on my future. I just want to forget about my parents before it's too late for me.

Am 30yrs now but ever since my childhood, i have never seen my dad and my mom being in good mood up till now.
My sister came back from town to take care of my mom who went for major operation, my father rejected the bread she bought. His first daughter who is married, just put to birth and came to greet him but my dad pushed her away, infact i don't know where to start explaining all things my dad has been doing to his family.
Each time i decide turn back from my parents, i always remember my mom and I will be weak. Honestly am tired of him.

Mariangeles:
Honestly, the only way you can handle such a person is by becoming successful.
When they see that they no longer have power over you, them go humble.
For that kind of a person, dependency is their power, and they prefer to keep you dependent on them for as long as possible.

Why do you think he was against your brother getting a job?
He even hated the fact that someone other than him was dropping something. It made him mad.
Forget that excuse of him hating anything betting.
Why did he stop your mum from cultivating her cassava?

Is your mum afraid of your dad? I’d say she should try to ignore him, and be away from him as much as possible.
Some women would rather be in the village alone with their peace of mind, than be with this type of husband.

What you said about dependency is true but my own dad will not send you, even if you're the one feeding him, as long as he is seeing you, he must find something to blame you of. I don't usually want anything that will make me spend more than three days with my dad, if not he must find something or say something that will get me annoyed.

Supreme145:
Good day Nairalanders, there have been a lingering cold war in my family between my parents and it has created a tension in my family that as the first son I'm running out of options on how to dunce this tension. My parents have been married for almost 30 years and just like another has been full of ups and downs.

I will try not to sound biased but my dad's authoritarian nature has caused a serious crack in my our family and made my mom a very unhappy woman that is just enduring the marriage for the sake of her children. Instead of the children to find solace in our home we all prefer to be far away due to the continuous rift between our parents. My dad has never laid his hands on our mom but constantly talks down on her even in front of the kids, and knowing my father you would rather prefer to be mended with 2x2 plank rather than my father letting his tongue lose on you. His mouth is filled with venom.

A while ago one of my siblings got a job as a cashier in a bet shop without my father's knowledge, we kept it away from him because we knew very well he would object because he hated anything bet. My mom on the other hand knowing fully well that the boy has been idle for a while gave her consent reluctantly. My dad got to know after he observed that the boy was dropping money at home frequently and when he inquired about the source of the money and learnt that he was working in bet shop all hell was let loose.

He called me on phone in school, which he rarely does just to confirm if I was aware which I replied in the affirmative. He said all manner of derogatory things to me, because he felt his position as the head of the home was threatened, he felt we the children was siding my mom to override his authority in the home. My siblings would later call me the following day to complain about how he spoke to my mom, the poor woman cried for days. They said my dad would never see a dime of their money if they get rich even though I know it was childish talk but that's how serious thing are.

Almost all my siblings have grown to hate my dad though they conceal it very well. His tyrannical rule is not helping matters at all, my dad is the kinda father that if you spoil an appliance in the house, it would be in your best interest to repair it before he becomes aware because the funny part is he won't say much to you rather all the aggression would be transfered to my mom. If we use the generator we would have to replace the quantity of fuel that we used. I was sleeping in lecture hall in school, my pop man insisted there was no money and even advised I withdrew from school if I can't cope only to get home to meet the news that he just bought a land lol.

While I don't expect much from him cos I'm of age, I don't like how he keeps alienating himself from my other siblings due to his nonchalant attitude to their warfare. Those kids would spend weeks at home due to non payment of school fees but he would spend hundreds of thousands fixing his car if it breaks down.

My mom called me today in tears, p man just left the house without dropping anything for Xmas, and even a cube of maggi is not at home, and its not as if he doesn't have money, I'm away of the big contracts he's working on at the moment whereas he's been spending on his car putting it in shape for travelling him.
And he was the one that told momsi not to process her cassava and sell because she envisaged that something like this would happen.

Now my siblings have been bombarding me with complaints and this is why I preferred to stay back in school instead of traveling home.
How should I approach this issue? I can't call a man and tell him how to use his money, I've been struggling to make mine so that I can offset some of the expenses from his shoulder.

I love my dad and I understand his struggles, i know what people without a father figure goes through but how can I stop the hate that is brewing towards him from my siblings?
I want our home to be peaceful.
Please I need your advice.

Sorry about your dad's hardeness on you guys, especially your mum, whom have grown to endure his tyranny

Well until you guys grow up and move out of the house, you can't do anything to him

But it will get to a stage where you guys will confront him or challenge him in a polite manner, though he will feel the challenge but it won't change anything, that's just his character

The major issues now is to make sure your mum's emotions are not being threatened by your Dad regimented system

Protect your mum as you guys are now the strength she has

As for your dad, he has already established a distance relationship between him and his family especially his children, which will definitely affect him at old age

I hope he starts adjusting because he won't be strong forever

Supreme145:
Good day Nairalanders, there have been a lingering cold war in my family between my parents and it has created a tension in my family that as the first son I'm running out of options on how to dunce this tension. My parents have been married for almost 30 years and just like another has been full of ups and downs.

I will try not to sound biased but my dad's authoritarian nature has caused a serious crack in my our family and made my mom a very unhappy woman that is just enduring the marriage for the sake of her children. Instead of the children to find solace in our home we all prefer to be far away due to the continuous rift between our parents. My dad has never laid his hands on our mom but constantly talks down on her even in front of the kids, and knowing my father you would rather prefer to be mended with 2x2 plank rather than my father letting his tongue lose on you. His mouth is filled with venom.

A while ago one of my siblings got a job as a cashier in a bet shop without my father's knowledge, we kept it away from him because we knew very well he would object because he hated anything bet. My mom on the other hand knowing fully well that the boy has been idle for a while gave her consent reluctantly. My dad got to know after he observed that the boy was dropping money at home frequently and when he inquired about the source of the money and learnt that he was working in bet shop all hell was let loose.

He called me on phone in school, which he rarely does just to confirm if I was aware which I replied in the affirmative. He said all manner of derogatory things to me, because he felt his position as the head of the home was threatened, he felt we the children was siding my mom to override his authority in the home. My siblings would later call me the following day to complain about how he spoke to my mom, the poor woman cried for days. They said my dad would never see a dime of their money if they get rich even though I know it was childish talk but that's how serious thing are.

Almost all my siblings have grown to hate my dad though they conceal it very well. His tyrannical rule is not helping matters at all, my dad is the kinda father that if you spoil an appliance in the house, it would be in your best interest to repair it before he becomes aware because the funny part is he won't say much to you rather all the aggression would be transfered to my mom. If we use the generator we would have to replace the quantity of fuel that we used. I was sleeping in lecture hall in school, my pop man insisted there was no money and even advised I withdrew from school if I can't cope only to get home to meet the news that he just bought a land lol.

While I don't expect much from him cos I'm of age, I don't like how he keeps alienating himself from my other siblings due to his nonchalant attitude to their warfare. Those kids would spend weeks at home due to non payment of school fees but he would spend hundreds of thousands fixing his car if it breaks down.

My mom called me today in tears, p man just left the house without dropping anything for Xmas, and even a cube of maggi is not at home, and its not as if he doesn't have money, I'm away of the big contracts he's working on at the moment whereas he's been spending on his car putting it in shape for travelling him.
And he was the one that told momsi not to process her cassava and sell because she envisaged that something like this would happen.

Now my siblings have been bombarding me with complaints and this is why I preferred to stay back in school instead of traveling home.
How should I approach this issue? I can't call a man and tell him how to use his money, I've been struggling to make mine so that I can offset some of the expenses from his shoulder.

I love my dad and I understand his struggles, i know what people without a father figure goes through but how can I stop the hate that is brewing towards him from my siblings?
I want our home to be peaceful.
Please I need your advice.

Some of the things you describe about your dad is 90% the same with my dad except of the money aspect and his kids out of school, my dad don't play with that, we failed to protect our mom from his abuse hence she develop high BP which later led to stroke and we lost her, I was so angry, still pissed till date the way she was treated by my dad, after her death I stayed away from my dad, the only thing I do is send him money for his upkeep, I don't call him. My advice for you is don't make the same mistake we made, call your dad to order and talk to him as a man, if not I see him ending alone with regret, he did not marry a house help he married a wife hence he need to treat her with respect.

Mstick:
Almost 30 years of marriage and your Mom doesn't know how to work around your dad?

Weird.

Who told you that his mum doesn't know how to handle his dad?

She is taking her time to strike and when she starts, everything will fall like pack of cards

There is no way a man will be tough on his wife that she won't know how to handle such man

I thought this behaviour was peculiar to my dad only. The most difficult person I have ever met.

My advice: Hustle, build a house let your mom come live with you. That's my goal.

Mstick:
Almost 30 years of marriage and your Mom doesn't know how to work around your dad?

Weird.

You can never please my dad.