Mstick:
Almost 30 years of marriage and your Mom doesn't know how to work around your dad?

Weird.

From experience, there is nothing, I repeat nothing she can do.

Those kind people feels they are doing what is right.

shawante:
Mehn my father is kind of similar to your father although a bit milder.. But anytime he tries to start those his nonsense I dey enter am wotowoto before him go calm down.

It seems none of you are stubborn at home that's why he's behaving the way he does

Wow, way to go, for many years of my life I just dey jejely observe but I am the one losing in the long run, I was a workaholic from a very young age and I try not to question his authority, wasted 5 years at home after secondary school cos he thinks he knows it all, graduated and things weren't as he expected as usual its my fault then all hell broke loose, we had hot exchange of words and he said I have gone to NYSC to be a cultists reason for my boldness because I dare not try that as an undergraduate but the truth is I have only tried to be calm and manage his excesses hoping after school I can get an okay job and move away from home never to return, but the truth is I can't hold it anymore and it's obvious his way is not way at all.

MrBrownJay1:
the man has been like this for 30 long years, trying to change him now would be impossible nd a waste of time....so instead you guys should accept that this is the way he is and basta. your mum will be fine.

as for the bet shop job issue, i would feel exactly the same way as your father if everyone knew about something i was against, but decided to go against my wishes and do it anyway regardless of my rules (you better start packing your shiit if in my house and not want to abide by my rules). he is right to say that his authority is on the line here.

I don't know you personally but with your last lines you will make a terrible father, same thing my father always says, pack out of my house if you can't follow my instructions. If you must take such decisions of total control and authority, you must be willing to provide at least 70% of the needs of your children and wife, in the case of this man he is not even doing a bit but he wants to be authoritarian, and yet he will not provide a job worthy to be shown up to people in his own view to his children.

Kilotat:
You Can't. Parents are their to give their Children Trouble, Life will be Boring without their trouble. By the way, your father is a good man. Check My Signature for high-tech tutorials

I can bet you grew up with a toxic father and you either will repeat same to your children or you are already doing that to them... Please desist, the ending is not always palatable.

Yeah, let's blame the victim. Always the best way to make the culprit improve his behaviour. Merry Christmas!

Mstick:
Almost 30 years of marriage and your Mom doesn't know how to work around your dad?

Weird.

Mariangeles:
Honestly, the only way you can handle such a person is by becoming successful.
When they see that they no longer have power over you, them go humble.
For that kind of a person, dependency is their power, and they prefer to keep you dependent on them for as long as possible.

Why do you think he was against your brother getting a job?
He even hated the fact that someone other than him was dropping something. It made him mad.
Forget that excuse of him hating anything betting.
Why did he stop your mum from cultivating her cassava?

Is your mum afraid of your dad? I’d say she should try to ignore him, and be away from him as much as possible.
Some women would rather be in the village alone with their peace of mind, than be with this type of husband.

Well said ma'am...

Mariangeles:


I’ve added more to my comment.


Have this in mind; fathers are not always right, so you don’t always have to do what they say.

A lesson it took me 28years of my life to know and act on.

I left a bank job of 50k which I spend nothing less than 2k daily to and fro on transport and feeding once a day to work as a fuel station supervisor which is close to home and spent only #200 to and fro daily. And when I told him he was like so you want to leave bank to be selling fuel something that is not part of my duty as a supervisor, I just ignored him and it was the best decision I took.

Walahhi, I love this. New wife ran like Olori Naomi singing dis life I cant kee myself. Nonsense ati ingredients

adeblow:

Sounds so much like my dad. My dad is even worse. Thank God we all turned out well now and we've left his house for him.
He married someone else and she ran away within a year.
Why are some men like this?
With my own dad, his car is his first child.
We wash that car twice a day, thoroughly.
I can't even type everything here.
Just take it as a motivation to work hard and finish well in school.

MrBrownJay1:


i fully understand you but you have to most and foremost consider the interest of your oga at the top, and most importantly, the consequences of going against his wishes. what you got from him is exactly that (aka the consequences of you guys doing/hiding from him something that he is against).

as much as a job is better than none, you cant use that as an excuse. that would be as foolish as me saying that lying to you is ok so long as it doesnt hurt you. you have to look deeper than that and focus on either changing that person's opinion OR get your own place where you can do what you please... but there are rules and regulations you must follow in life, and you cant selfishly do what you please just because its beneficial "to you". at the end of the day, you did something that was wrong to your oga at the top (regardless of how many people supported it).

if oga at the top knew where the money came from, he probably wouldnt borrow it.

Why are you giving excuses for such mindset, one can't selfishly do what he pleases but he will be wasting away at home with no income and no help from the so called authoritarian, Abeg, who is selfish in this situation?

Hmmmmm.....your pop has several children and a wife, yet he is not preparing for a good old age. If his wife and kids hate him, his old age is going to be very lonely. It is well o.

.

Do all women have thick fucking skulls and their kids too? Not even a word for the badly behaved fathers causing some of these issues?

Any how sha, some readers may be interested in the lightness or thickness of your skull but I'm here for the bible verse. Its Prov 31 that talks about the virtuous industrious women. In all the versions of the Bible I have seen, the book of proverbs no even reach Prov 35 o and hey, edakun dont come for my skull...

2buffagain:
Three things:

- Hurry up and leave that house for the owner so you can devote your energy to thinking of matters concerning your own house. Until you do that, you are subject to all manner of shit from whoever you are dependent on. Feel free to isolate yourself from their toxicity after you have gained your freedom.

- Women! Get this point into your thick fucking skulls. Figure out what to do with your life beyond just being a housewife and giving birth to children. There is more to the purpose of your life than just these basic things. BE FINANCIALLY PRODUCTIVE so you are not that person having to be asking one man with delusions of godhood (and even your children for that matter), for money to buy everything including paiyynt. This shit makes me angry when I see women who put themselves in these situations. Being a MONEY EARNING woman does not make you a bad christian. Read Proverbs 35. In fact, you should be suspicious of any man who doesn't want a proverbs 35 woman. It means he just wants someone he can control due to his own low self esteem issues.

- Sons and Daughters! Get this into your thick fucking skulls. Be stubborn early. Set boundaries with your parents early. No human being has the right to insult you, so tell them to cut that shit out the moment they start and hang up if they continue. YOU have to teach people how to relate with you respectfully. Otherwise you leave too much to their bleeped up nebulous concept of right and wrong, respect and disrespect. Give your parents a template of how to interact with you through negaive/positive reinforcement. When they know you will put up a fight each and everytime, they too will start fearing the consequences of getting you involved with their mess and will disrespect everyone else in that family but you.

cayorday89:

I can bet you grew up with a toxic father and you either will repeat same to your children or you are already doing that to them... Please desist, the ending is not always palatable.

I Grew up with a father that Work with NNPC. I drove my first Car when I was in SS1, am a good man now because of him, Am young and married with a handsome son. Sorry you are wrong this time. Wait.... I forgot to tell you we will be going for a vacation with my family soon Lols

MrBrownJay1:


these are not flaws, these are rules that this man put in place in his humble abode.... everyone living under his roof better abide by them or find a place of their own. this man has been like this for 30yrs, they are all used to this man's ways and there is no reason to try to change him now,

I can bet it with you, they are not trying to change him, they only need him to respect their decisions if he is not willing to meet the smallest of needs, it's his duty as a father to provide for his family and if he won't then he needs to hands off caging them and let them take steps that will make them stand on their own(Rome wasn't built in a day).

Kilotat:
I Grew up with a father that Work with NNPC. I drove my first Car when I was in SS1, am a good man now because of him, Am young and married with a handsome son. Sorry you are wrong this time. Wait.... I forgot to tell you we will be going for a vacation with my family soon Lols

Yes I am wrong and my reply was based on your comment on a situation you had no knowledge or experience of and technically makes me right, which in turn makes you wrong. Only those who wears the shoe know where it itches.

Now compare your experience of driving a car in SSS1 to someone who can't even on gen in his own father's house, you can see the huge difference. Whatever trouble your father dishes to you cannot be compared to what the OP, his mother and his siblings are going through. Now tell me what is the fun in that?

A lesson to the boys here who are chanting the red pill and other dumb male ideologies.

You can see how without a single word of brainwashing the children have already determined to deal with the man.

In his old age, he will begin to lie and lament to the new crop of foolish young men, that it was his wife who caused it, and that they need to hear his side of the story.

Most Nigerian men are unreasonable and hide under the lies that it's women who are behind broken families and marriages. They propagate and perpetuate this lie. OPs father is what many of the misogynist/redpill boys here will become. Either that or they will try to divorce their wives for not cooking food.

Imagine where a child cannot get a job because it's usurping the authority of the father. One can only pity his mother. She's living in bondage. May she not die in it.

Supreme145:
Good day Nairalanders, there have been a lingering cold war in my family between my parents and it has created a tension in my family that as the first son I'm running out of options on how to dunce this tension. My parents have been married for almost 30 years and just like another has been full of ups and downs.

I will try not to sound biased but my dad's authoritarian nature has caused a serious crack in my our family and made my mom a very unhappy woman that is just enduring the marriage for the sake of her children. Instead of the children to find solace in our home we all prefer to be far away due to the continuous rift between our parents. My dad has never laid his hands on our mom but constantly talks down on her even in front of the kids, and knowing my father you would rather prefer to be mended with 2x2 plank rather than my father letting his tongue lose on you. His mouth is filled with venom.

A while ago one of my siblings got a job as a cashier in a bet shop without my father's knowledge, we kept it away from him because we knew very well he would object because he hated anything bet. My mom on the other hand knowing fully well that the boy has been idle for a while gave her consent reluctantly. My dad got to know after he observed that the boy was dropping money at home frequently and when he inquired about the source of the money and learnt that he was working in bet shop all hell was let loose.

He called me on phone in school, which he rarely does just to confirm if I was aware which I replied in the affirmative. He said all manner of derogatory things to me, because he felt his position as the head of the home was threatened, he felt we the children was siding my mom to override his authority in the home. My siblings would later call me the following day to complain about how he spoke to my mom, the poor woman cried for days. They said my dad would never see a dime of their money if they get rich even though I know it was childish talk but that's how serious thing are.

Almost all my siblings have grown to hate my dad though they conceal it very well. His tyrannical rule is not helping matters at all, my dad is the kinda father that if you spoil an appliance in the house, it would be in your best interest to repair it before he becomes aware because the funny part is he won't say much to you rather all the aggression would be transfered to my mom. If we use the generator we would have to replace the quantity of fuel that we used. I was sleeping in lecture hall in school, my pop man insisted there was no money and even advised I withdrew from school if I can't cope only to get home to meet the news that he just bought a land lol.

While I don't expect much from him cos I'm of age, I don't like how he keeps alienating himself from my other siblings due to his nonchalant attitude to their warfare. Those kids would spend weeks at home due to non payment of school fees but he would spend hundreds of thousands fixing his car if it breaks down.

My mom called me today in tears, p man just left the house without dropping anything for Xmas, and even a cube of maggi is not at home, and its not as if he doesn't have money, I'm away of the big contracts he's working on at the moment whereas he's been spending on his car putting it in shape for travelling him.
And he was the one that told momsi not to process her cassava and sell because she envisaged that something like this would happen.

Now my siblings have been bombarding me with complaints and this is why I preferred to stay back in school instead of traveling home.
How should I approach this issue? I can't call a man and tell him how to use his money, I've been struggling to make mine so that I can offset some of the expenses from his shoulder.

I love my dad and I understand his struggles, i know what people without a father figure goes through but how can I stop the hate that is brewing towards him from my siblings?
I want our home to be peaceful.
Please I need your advice.

Simply put, your father hates your mother and is a narcissistic sadist.

According to a post by lukgaf, he is under demonic spiritual influence. Because what else can make a man hate his wife uncontrollably without forgiving herassuming she did anything wrong) for close to 30 years? 30 years of hate? He has all but murdered your mother.

You're trying so hard to love him and reconcile what you know is evil to some human side of him, because you think you're a man now so you should understand his toxicity and evil nature. But you don't realize that he's lost his humanity and no matter how hard you try and relate with him, he isn't interested in a friendship with you or understanding your siblings and your mother. All he wants is to rule. Period. In his eyes, you will never be the man he is.

If you want to change him, it will be medically induced. You can't understand him, and you can't change him.

shawante:
Mehn my father is kind of similar to your father although a bit milder.. But anytime he tries to start those his nonsense I dey enter am wotowoto before him go calm down.

It seems none of you are stubborn at home that's why he's behaving the way he does

Lol

Mstick:
Almost 30 years of marriage and your Mom doesn't know how to work around your dad?

Weird.

Some men refuse to be reasonable. Some are the devil's incarnate.

Best believe it's not the mother's fault. She will do all she can, but the man is sociopathic.

Just reading comments on this thread shows how many men out there are destroying their families. Just wow.

grandstar:


He might throw that child out!!!

This your comment reminds me of when i was staying at my cousins house..One faithful day like that he had a fall out with his dad and they were kind of exchanging words

Next thing the dad told him to leave his house that he cant be exchanging words with him(the father) in his own house

This my cousin legit told the dad that he should go to his own father's house(the grandfather) that he is in father's house and no one can send him away

I was gobsmacked

2buffagain:


That last bit is not true. He can also divorce his wife.

Most stupid men in this position would care more about their children than their wife.

Your last statement is wrong and uncalled for.
Don’t use your own experience as a yardstick to judge other people’s Father.

cayorday89:

Wow, way to go, for many years of my life I just dey jejely observe but I am the one losing in the long run, I was a workaholic from a very young age and I try not to question his authority, wasted 5 years at home after secondary school cos he thinks he knows it all, graduated and things weren't as he expected as usual its my fault then all hell broke loose, we had hot exchange of words and he said I have gone to NYSC to be a cultists reason for my boldness because I dare not try that as an undergraduate but the truth is I have only tried to be calm and manage his excesses hoping after school I can get an okay job and move away from home never to return, but the truth is I can't hold it anymore and it's obvious his way is not way at all.

It's good you can't hold it anymore.. Let it all out instead of suffering in silence

shawante:

This your comment reminds me of when i was staying at my cousins house..One faithful day like that he had a fall out with his dad and they were kind of exchanging words

Next thing the dad told him to leave his house that he cant be exchanging words with him(the father) in his own house

This my cousin legit told the dad that he should go to his own father's house(the grandfather) that he is in father's house and no one can send him away

I was gobsmacked

La ku li

That's actually a humbling fact!

grandstar:

La ku li
That's actually a humbling fact!

I swear..... The father didn't utter a single word after that

shawante:

I swear..... The father didn't utter a single word after that

kazyhm:
What do you know ?
A man trying to hold his family upright and tight; it's for his and his siblings good.

Abeg, desist with the bullsheet talk!

shawante:

Worst advice ever.. I'd rather drink sniper

So it's your fault. You disrespect your father?

Ok, beat him up.

cayorday89:
I don't know you personally but with your last lines you will make a terrible father, same thing my father always says, pack out of my house if you can't follow my instructions. If you must take such decisions of total control and authority, you must be willing to provide at least 70% of the needs of your children and wife, in the case of this man he is not even doing a bit but he wants to be authoritarian, and yet he will not provide a job worthy to be shown up to people in his own view to his children.

again, i dont care about anybody's hopes dreams and desires in life, but you have to stop being narrow minded. this father (however bad he may supposedly be) raised these kids to adulthood WITH THAT SAME MINDSET, so as much as many may not like it, thats what makes them who they are today. look down at it all you desire, this father did a GREAT JOB:
are these children hungry? are they not well fed with a roof over their heads and clothes on their backs?!?!? stop talking nonsense, assuming that these people are lacking in life!

cayorday89:

Why are you giving excuses for such mindset, one can't selfishly do what he pleases but he will be wasting away at home with no income and no help from the so called authoritarian, Abeg, who is selfish in this situation?

wasting away?! its called living a decent life... sometimes saying "no thank you" is better than accepting any BS job out there (especially if your father is against it). now if you really want to have that job, then DO IT THE RIGHT WAY and 1st convince your father to let you do it. ...but doing it the way they did is not only WRONG, it is also very disrespectful.

cayorday89:
I can bet it with you, they are not trying to change him, they only need him to respect their decisions if he is not willing to meet the smallest of needs, it's his duty as a father to provide for his family and if he won't then he needs to hands off caging them and let them take steps that will make them stand on their own(Rome wasn't built in a day).

a father will provide you with your basic life needs (food/shelter/clothing/education etc) and basta.... now a child has the right to want more in life, but he/she can only do so while following the house rules and regulations. you certainly cant get up one morning and do what the fukc you want.... but if you foolishly do, that will be an automatic dismissal. IF ANY CHILD OUT THERE THINK THEY ARE BIG ENOUGH TO GO AGAINST THEIR FATHER'S RULES THEN LET THAT CHILD GO AND FIND THEIR OWN PLACE (and you can do what you please there).....but you certainly cant live under your father's roof while doing what he is fully against. now choose your battle carefully, and live with it.

NairaMaster1:

So it's your fault. You disrespect your father?
Ok, beat him up.

Respect is reciprocal

Mstick:
Almost 30 years of marriage and your Mom doesn't know how to work around your dad?

Weird.

It happens when a man retires or becomes to old to work,

finalboss:
I miss my dad, I won't mind even 5 mins with him Authoritative or not.

Final boss pls bless me.. No amount is too small

Some people are lucky, authoritarian father that provides. What about those with authoritarian fathers that don't provide and is even solely dependant on the wife?

OP, I think there might be an element of truth in the fact that your mum manipulated you and the other children. Having said that, your dad has done himself no favours by not being close to his children.

It is incredible how well women can pull the children close to them and get their unflinching loyalty yet still exude authority.

We men need to pull out children closer, ease of the "my way or the highway" approach. As the children get older, let them start to live their lives differently from yours. Find time for "Papa and Pikin" time with each of the children.

Do the above things in their formative years and you won't have to be the outsider in your home because their mother has the children on her side.