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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? (13265 Views)
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Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by cayorday89(m): 7:52am On Dec 25, 2021 |
Mstick:From experience, there is nothing, I repeat nothing she can do. Those kind people feels they are doing what is right. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by cayorday89(m): 7:58am On Dec 25, 2021 |
shawante:Wow, way to go, for many years of my life I just dey jejely observe but I am the one losing in the long run, I was a workaholic from a very young age and I try not to question his authority, wasted 5 years at home after secondary school cos he thinks he knows it all, graduated and things weren't as he expected as usual its my fault then all hell broke loose, we had hot exchange of words and he said I have gone to NYSC to be a cultists reason for my boldness because I dare not try that as an undergraduate but the truth is I have only tried to be calm and manage his excesses hoping after school I can get an okay job and move away from home never to return, but the truth is I can't hold it anymore and it's obvious his way is not way at all. |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by cayorday89(m): 8:04am On Dec 25, 2021 |
MrBrownJay1:I don't know you personally but with your last lines you will make a terrible father, same thing my father always says, pack out of my house if you can't follow my instructions. If you must take such decisions of total control and authority, you must be willing to provide at least 70% of the needs of your children and wife, in the case of this man he is not even doing a bit but he wants to be authoritarian, and yet he will not provide a job worthy to be shown up to people in his own view to his children. 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by cayorday89(m): 8:06am On Dec 25, 2021 |
Kilotat:I can bet you grew up with a toxic father and you either will repeat same to your children or you are already doing that to them... Please desist, the ending is not always palatable. 2 Likes |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by Gloriagee(f): 8:08am On Dec 25, 2021 |
Yeah, let's blame the victim. Always the best way to make the culprit improve his behaviour. Merry Christmas! Mstick: 2 Likes |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by cayorday89(m): 8:08am On Dec 25, 2021 |
Mariangeles:Well said ma'am... 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by cayorday89(m): 8:12am On Dec 25, 2021 |
Mariangeles: A lesson it took me 28years of my life to know and act on. I left a bank job of 50k which I spend nothing less than 2k daily to and fro on transport and feeding once a day to work as a fuel station supervisor which is close to home and spent only #200 to and fro daily. And when I told him he was like so you want to leave bank to be selling fuel something that is not part of my duty as a supervisor, I just ignored him and it was the best decision I took. 2 Likes |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by Gloriagee(f): 8:14am On Dec 25, 2021 |
Walahhi, I love this. New wife ran like Olori Naomi singing dis life I cant kee myself. Nonsense ati ingredients adeblow: 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by cayorday89(m): 8:17am On Dec 25, 2021 |
MrBrownJay1:Why are you giving excuses for such mindset, one can't selfishly do what he pleases but he will be wasting away at home with no income and no help from the so called authoritarian, Abeg, who is selfish in this situation? 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by sisisioge: 8:21am On Dec 25, 2021 |
Hmmmmm.....your pop has several children and a wife, yet he is not preparing for a good old age. If his wife and kids hate him, his old age is going to be very lonely. It is well o. |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by Kilotat: 8:25am On Dec 25, 2021 |
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Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by Gloriagee(f): 8:26am On Dec 25, 2021 |
Do all women have thick fucking skulls and their kids too? Not even a word for the badly behaved fathers causing some of these issues? Any how sha, some readers may be interested in the lightness or thickness of your skull but I'm here for the bible verse. Its Prov 31 that talks about the virtuous industrious women. In all the versions of the Bible I have seen, the book of proverbs no even reach Prov 35 o and hey, edakun dont come for my skull... 2buffagain: |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by Kilotat: 8:27am On Dec 25, 2021 |
cayorday89:I Grew up with a father that Work with NNPC. I drove my first Car when I was in SS1, am a good man now because of him, Am young and married with a handsome son. Sorry you are wrong this time. Wait.... I forgot to tell you we will be going for a vacation with my family soon Lols |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by cayorday89(m): 8:36am On Dec 25, 2021 |
MrBrownJay1:I can bet it with you, they are not trying to change him, they only need him to respect their decisions if he is not willing to meet the smallest of needs, it's his duty as a father to provide for his family and if he won't then he needs to hands off caging them and let them take steps that will make them stand on their own(Rome wasn't built in a day). |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by cayorday89(m): 8:39am On Dec 25, 2021 |
Kilotat:Yes I am wrong and my reply was based on your comment on a situation you had no knowledge or experience of and technically makes me right, which in turn makes you wrong. Only those who wears the shoe know where it itches. Now compare your experience of driving a car in SSS1 to someone who can't even on gen in his own father's house, you can see the huge difference. Whatever trouble your father dishes to you cannot be compared to what the OP, his mother and his siblings are going through. Now tell me what is the fun in that? 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by BRATISLAVA: 9:47am On Dec 25, 2021 |
A lesson to the boys here who are chanting the red pill and other dumb male ideologies. You can see how without a single word of brainwashing the children have already determined to deal with the man. In his old age, he will begin to lie and lament to the new crop of foolish young men, that it was his wife who caused it, and that they need to hear his side of the story. Most Nigerian men are unreasonable and hide under the lies that it's women who are behind broken families and marriages. They propagate and perpetuate this lie. OPs father is what many of the misogynist/redpill boys here will become. Either that or they will try to divorce their wives for not cooking food. Imagine where a child cannot get a job because it's usurping the authority of the father. One can only pity his mother. She's living in bondage. May she not die in it. 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by BRATISLAVA: 9:54am On Dec 25, 2021 |
Supreme145: Simply put, your father hates your mother and is a narcissistic sadist. According to a post by lukgaf, he is under demonic spiritual influence. Because what else can make a man hate his wife uncontrollably without forgiving herassuming she did anything wrong) for close to 30 years? 30 years of hate? He has all but murdered your mother. You're trying so hard to love him and reconcile what you know is evil to some human side of him, because you think you're a man now so you should understand his toxicity and evil nature. But you don't realize that he's lost his humanity and no matter how hard you try and relate with him, he isn't interested in a friendship with you or understanding your siblings and your mother. All he wants is to rule. Period. In his eyes, you will never be the man he is. If you want to change him, it will be medically induced. You can't understand him, and you can't change him. |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by BRATISLAVA: 9:57am On Dec 25, 2021 |
shawante: Lol |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by BRATISLAVA: 9:59am On Dec 25, 2021 |
Mstick: Some men refuse to be reasonable. Some are the devil's incarnate. Best believe it's not the mother's fault. She will do all she can, but the man is sociopathic. Just reading comments on this thread shows how many men out there are destroying their families. Just wow. 2 Likes |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by shawante(m): 11:12am On Dec 25, 2021 |
grandstar:This your comment reminds me of when i was staying at my cousins house..One faithful day like that he had a fall out with his dad and they were kind of exchanging words Next thing the dad told him to leave his house that he cant be exchanging words with him(the father) in his own house This my cousin legit told the dad that he should go to his own father's house(the grandfather) that he is in father's house and no one can send him away I was gobsmacked 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by player007(m): 11:14am On Dec 25, 2021 |
2buffagain: Your last statement is wrong and uncalled for. Don’t use your own experience as a yardstick to judge other people’s Father. |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by shawante(m): 11:18am On Dec 25, 2021 |
cayorday89:It's good you can't hold it anymore.. Let it all out instead of suffering in silence 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by grandstar(m): 11:37am On Dec 25, 2021 |
shawante: La ku li That's actually a humbling fact! |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by shawante(m): 1:42pm On Dec 25, 2021 |
grandstar:I swear..... The father didn't utter a single word after that |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by grandstar(m): 2:46pm On Dec 25, 2021 |
shawante: |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by Kobojunkie: 3:47pm On Dec 25, 2021 |
kazyhm:Abeg, desist with the bullsheet talk! |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by NairaMaster1(m): 3:47pm On Dec 25, 2021 |
shawante: So it's your fault. You disrespect your father? Ok, beat him up.
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Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by MrBrownJay1(m): 4:04pm On Dec 25, 2021 |
cayorday89: again, i dont care about anybody's hopes dreams and desires in life, but you have to stop being narrow minded. this father (however bad he may supposedly be) raised these kids to adulthood WITH THAT SAME MINDSET, so as much as many may not like it, thats what makes them who they are today. look down at it all you desire, this father did a GREAT JOB: are these children hungry? are they not well fed with a roof over their heads and clothes on their backs?!?!? stop talking nonsense, assuming that these people are lacking in life! cayorday89: wasting away?! its called living a decent life... sometimes saying "no thank you" is better than accepting any BS job out there (especially if your father is against it). now if you really want to have that job, then DO IT THE RIGHT WAY and 1st convince your father to let you do it. ...but doing it the way they did is not only WRONG, it is also very disrespectful. cayorday89: a father will provide you with your basic life needs (food/shelter/clothing/education etc) and basta.... now a child has the right to want more in life, but he/she can only do so while following the house rules and regulations. you certainly cant get up one morning and do what the fukc you want.... but if you foolishly do, that will be an automatic dismissal. IF ANY CHILD OUT THERE THINK THEY ARE BIG ENOUGH TO GO AGAINST THEIR FATHER'S RULES THEN LET THAT CHILD GO AND FIND THEIR OWN PLACE (and you can do what you please there).....but you certainly cant live under your father's roof while doing what he is fully against. now choose your battle carefully, and live with it. |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by shawante(m): 4:57pm On Dec 25, 2021 |
NairaMaster1:Respect is reciprocal 1 Like |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by sulasa07(m): 5:59pm On Dec 25, 2021 |
Mstick:It happens when a man retires or becomes to old to work, |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by jaybest90(m): 7:59pm On Dec 25, 2021 |
finalboss:Final boss pls bless me.. No amount is too small |
Re: How Do I Handle My Problematic Father? by aswani(m): 8:33am On Dec 28, 2021 |
Some people are lucky, authoritarian father that provides. What about those with authoritarian fathers that don't provide and is even solely dependant on the wife? OP, I think there might be an element of truth in the fact that your mum manipulated you and the other children. Having said that, your dad has done himself no favours by not being close to his children. It is incredible how well women can pull the children close to them and get their unflinching loyalty yet still exude authority. We men need to pull out children closer, ease of the "my way or the highway" approach. As the children get older, let them start to live their lives differently from yours. Find time for "Papa and Pikin" time with each of the children. Do the above things in their formative years and you won't have to be the outsider in your home because their mother has the children on her side. |
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