₦airaland Forum

frozen70:
Who told you that his mum doesn't know how to handle his dad?

She is taking her time to strike and when she starts, everything will fall like pack of cards

There is no way a man will be tough on his wife that she won't know how to handle such man

Handle or better still move out of the house.

Killermamba:
Some of the things you describe about your dad is 90% the same with my dad except of the money aspect and his kids out of school, my dad don't play with that, we failed to protect our mom from his abuse hence she develop high BP which later led to stroke and we lost her, I was so angry, still pissed till date the way she was treated by my dad, after her death I stayed away from my dad, the only thing I do is send him money for his upkeep, I don't call him. My advice for you is don't make the same mistake we made, call your dad to order and talk to him as a man, if not I see him ending alone with regret, he did not marry a house help he married a wife hence he need to treat her with respect.

.

Yinkakolawole:
Omo, ur father tough ooo. But What i will tell you is that u can call him and talk to him as a son to his father. For the lord av given fathers authority over their children and given children the obligation to obey their mother. If u want to talk to him Just know how to honour him in everything u re going to say. God will let him change.

.

ambr055i:
I called my dad one certain time, told him we should come together as a family, gave him instances of those he knows who work together and are doing well as a result of that. My dad gave me 101 reasons why he can't.

My mum fetches water from a neighbour, It pains me a woman of her age. Called my dad let us repair the pumping machine/generator, he refuses giving me 101 reasons. He has where he gets water from with his car. Can you believe my dad stores water in his room and lock it up. Very damn childish, that's how far he can go.

He wants my mum to leave the house, he trying to frustrate her, he has been doing it for 30+ years. My dad has locked my mum out because she came home by 7:30pm.

did u noticed any traces of him getting another wife in d corner?

Irupetepete:
My dad was like this, if we just hear his car horn, everybody go japa commot for sitting room and push our last born to go meet him..
The man use wire cord design my back because of a dead bird phone I took from his closet..
Dead bird phone o..
I don't even want to discuss how he turned out but my mom just moved into her own house today

.

[But u turned blind eyes to her faults while portraying the man as the devil.

No wonder why we have widow in quotum

I pity it the poor man
His wife has succeeded in turning his children against him.

U will never understand ur dad until u become a father urself

quote author=Supreme145 post=108780740]
I disagree, my mom has her own faults but manipulation is not one of them, she can't manipulate all the children at the same time.[/quote]

Yinkakolawole:
did u noticed any traces of him getting another wife in d corner?

No, he talks bad about women all the time. Any discussion that involves bringing a woman down, he is always there.

Supreme145:
Good day Nairalanders, there have been a lingering cold war in my family between my parents and it has created a tension in my family that as the first son I'm running out of options on how to dunce this tension. My parents have been married for almost 30 years and just like another has been full of ups and downs.

I will try not to sound biased but my dad's authoritarian nature has caused a serious crack in my our family and made my mom a very unhappy woman that is just enduring the marriage for the sake of her children. Instead of the children to find solace in our home we all prefer to be far away due to the continuous rift between our parents. My dad has never laid his hands on our mom but constantly talks down on her even in front of the kids, and knowing my father you would rather prefer to be mended with 2x2 plank rather than my father letting his tongue lose on you. His mouth is filled with venom.

A while ago one of my siblings got a job as a cashier in a bet shop without my father's knowledge, we kept it away from him because we knew very well he would object because he hated anything bet. My mom on the other hand knowing fully well that the boy has been idle for a while gave her consent reluctantly. My dad got to know after he observed that the boy was dropping money at home frequently and when he inquired about the source of the money and learnt that he was working in bet shop all hell was let loose.

He called me on phone in school, which he rarely does just to confirm if I was aware which I replied in the affirmative. He said all manner of derogatory things to me, because he felt his position as the head of the home was threatened, he felt we the children was siding my mom to override his authority in the home. My siblings would later call me the following day to complain about how he spoke to my mom, the poor woman cried for days. They said my dad would never see a dime of their money if they get rich even though I know it was childish talk but that's how serious thing are.

Almost all my siblings have grown to hate my dad though they conceal it very well. His tyrannical rule is not helping matters at all, my dad is the kinda father that if you spoil an appliance in the house, it would be in your best interest to repair it before he becomes aware because the funny part is he won't say much to you rather all the aggression would be transfered to my mom. If we use the generator we would have to replace the quantity of fuel that we used. I was sleeping in lecture hall in school, my pop man insisted there was no money and even advised I withdrew from school if I can't cope only to get home to meet the news that he just bought a land lol.

While I don't expect much from him cos I'm of age, I don't like how he keeps alienating himself from my other siblings due to his nonchalant attitude to their warfare. Those kids would spend weeks at home due to non payment of school fees but he would spend hundreds of thousands fixing his car if it breaks down.

My mom called me today in tears, p man just left the house without dropping anything for Xmas, and even a cube of maggi is not at home, and its not as if he doesn't have money, I'm away of the big contracts he's working on at the moment whereas he's been spending on his car putting it in shape for travelling him.
And he was the one that told momsi not to process her cassava and sell because she envisaged that something like this would happen.

Now my siblings have been bombarding me with complaints and this is why I preferred to stay back in school instead of traveling home.
How should I approach this issue? I can't call a man and tell him how to use his money, I've been struggling to make mine so that I can offset some of the expenses from his shoulder.

I love my dad and I understand his struggles, i know what people without a father figure goes through but how can I stop the hate that is brewing towards him from my siblings?
I want our home to be peaceful.
Please I need your advice.

Your number one priority is to make sure your mum doesn't lack money and your attention. When you come of age then you can call popsi to take a chill pill.once you begin to talk he will know that you are the heir waiting on him and to guide him at that time of his life.

ambr055i:
No, he talks bad about women all the time. Any discussion that involves bringing a woman down, he is always there.

and ur mother av live with him for 30years, that woman is trying ooo.

TheStakeHolder:
WHAT I SEE HERE IS A MAN WHOSE WIFE HAS BEEN ABLE TO MANIPULATE THEIR CHILDREN INTO THINKING THE MAN IS A PROBLEM.

THE MAN IS AWARE OF ALL THESE. HE IS ANGRY AND HAS DECIDED TO DISSOCIATE HIMSELF FROM THE FAMILY.

YOU, YOUR SIBLINGS AND MUM SHOULD GO AND ASK THAT MAN FOR FORGIVENESS AND SUBMIT TO HIS AUTHORITY.

There are lots of people who can relate to the OP's experiences. You have never walked in their shoes, so it's not surprising that you made this comment.

Yinkakolawole:
and ur mother av live with him for 30years, that woman is trying ooo.

She is trying, we also had our shares of insults and emotional abuse as kids. I'm glad we were strong enough to withstand all the torture, nothing you would do that will hurt me because I have had worse. I have not been home in 4 years, though I met my mum in a relation's burial. I call her constantly. Always reassure her things go soon soft for me.

I just need to build a house so she comes live with me.

As kids we were praying my dad gets a job far away so he comes home probably once in 6 months, it was that bad.

When your dad mentions your name, all you think is what have I done wrong? That was the life, my brother and I lived, it affected our self-esteemed, it was like we weren't good enough. Ironically, we were one of the best-behaved kids in our neighbourhood.

shamsin6300:
This matter too de strong
Why not involve your relatives, maybe someone your father respect alot.

Some men don't listen bro. You think for 30 years OP's mum hasn't tried that option.

ambr055i:
Some men don't listen bro. You think for 30 years OP's mum hasn't tried that option.

May the Lord make it easy on his family.

ambr055i:
.

Bro reading through your posts its as if ours seem easier, the best we can do is to get successful, money stops a lot of nonsense.

InvertedHammer:
/
Take your dad on a family vacation to anywhere in Ogun State. Come back here and tell us the experience. Don't type R.I.P in advance or you may become the prime suspect.

/

This one be crook!

BePrepared:
Pray for daddy[b]To be a Man, Husband and Father ain't easy[/b]They are target of the enemy

So all the other loving and caring fathers who treat their wives with respect are not fathers?

Aforxzy:
Some fathers are like that but no matter how hard or strong they are they always have a soft or weak spot. Identify that soft spot and use it to your advantage.

Your father is the head and wants to be seen as such. You children should carry him along in your decision even when you know what his reaction would be so he doesn't transfer his displeasure to your mother. Let him feel he's still in charge of his home and his children are not against him..

Father is the "head" and so his abuse of his wife and kids is justified ? Una dey take time at all process these things?

Supreme145:
Good day Nairalanders, there have been a lingering cold war in my family between my parents and it has created a tension in my family that as the first son I'm running out of options on how to dunce this tension. My parents have been married for almost 30 years and just like another has been full of ups and downs.

I will try not to sound biased but my dad's authoritarian nature has caused a serious crack in my our family and made my mom a very unhappy woman that is just enduring the marriage for the sake of her children. Instead of the children to find solace in our home we all prefer to be far away due to the continuous rift between our parents. My dad has never laid his hands on our mom but constantly talks down on her even in front of the kids, and knowing my father you would rather prefer to be mended with 2x2 plank rather than my father letting his tongue lose on you. His mouth is filled with venom.

A while ago one of my siblings got a job as a cashier in a bet shop without my father's knowledge, we kept it away from him because we knew very well he would object because he hated anything bet. My mom on the other hand knowing fully well that the boy has been idle for a while gave her consent reluctantly. My dad got to know after he observed that the boy was dropping money at home frequently and when he inquired about the source of the money and learnt that he was working in bet shop all hell was let loose.

He called me on phone in school, which he rarely does just to confirm if I was aware which I replied in the affirmative. He said all manner of derogatory things to me, because he felt his position as the head of the home was threatened, he felt we the children was siding my mom to override his authority in the home. My siblings would later call me the following day to complain about how he spoke to my mom, the poor woman cried for days. They said my dad would never see a dime of their money if they get rich even though I know it was childish talk but that's how serious thing are.

Almost all my siblings have grown to hate my dad though they conceal it very well. His tyrannical rule is not helping matters at all, my dad is the kinda father that if you spoil an appliance in the house, it would be in your best interest to repair it before he becomes aware because the funny part is he won't say much to you rather all the aggression would be transfered to my mom. If we use the generator we would have to replace the quantity of fuel that we used. I was sleeping in lecture hall in school, my pop man insisted there was no money and even advised I withdrew from school if I can't cope only to get home to meet the news that he just bought a land lol.

While I don't expect much from him cos I'm of age, I don't like how he keeps alienating himself from my other siblings due to his nonchalant attitude to their warfare. Those kids would spend weeks at home due to non payment of school fees but he would spend hundreds of thousands fixing his car if it breaks down.

My mom called me today in tears, p man just left the house without dropping anything for Xmas, and even a cube of maggi is not at home, and its not as if he doesn't have money, I'm away of the big contracts he's working on at the moment whereas he's been spending on his car putting it in shape for travelling him.
And he was the one that told momsi not to process her cassava and sell because she envisaged that something like this would happen.

Now my siblings have been bombarding me with complaints and this is why I preferred to stay back in school instead of traveling home.
How should I approach this issue? I can't call a man and tell him how to use his money, I've been struggling to make mine so that I can offset some of the expenses from his shoulder.

I love my dad and I understand his struggles, i know what people without a father figure goes through but how can I stop the hate that is brewing towards him from my siblings?
I want our home to be peaceful.
Please I need your advice.

Sounds so much like my dad. My dad is even worse. Thank God we all turned out well now and we've left his house for him.
He married someone else and she ran away within a year.
Why are some men like this?
With my own dad, his car is his first child.
We wash that car twice a day, thoroughly.
I can't even type everything here.
Just take it as a motivation to work hard and finish well in school.

Supreme145:
Bro reading through your posts its as if ours seem easier, the best we can do is to get successful, money stops a lot of nonsense.

That's what I have made up my mind to do.

Backwardness

Supreme145:
Good day Nairalanders, there have been a lingering cold war in my family between my parents and it has created a tension in my family that as the first son I'm running out of options on how to dunce this tension. My parents have been married for almost 30 years and just like another has been full of ups and downs.

I will try not to sound biased but my dad's authoritarian nature has caused a serious crack in my our family and made my mom a very unhappy woman that is just enduring the marriage for the sake of her children. Instead of the children to find solace in our home we all prefer to be far away due to the continuous rift between our parents. My dad has never laid his hands on our mom but constantly talks down on her even in front of the kids, and knowing my father you would rather prefer to be mended with 2x2 plank rather than my father letting his tongue lose on you. His mouth is filled with venom.

A while ago one of my siblings got a job as a cashier in a bet shop without my father's knowledge, we kept it away from him because we knew very well he would object because he hated anything bet. My mom on the other hand knowing fully well that the boy has been idle for a while gave her consent reluctantly. My dad got to know after he observed that the boy was dropping money at home frequently and when he inquired about the source of the money and learnt that he was working in bet shop all hell was let loose.

He called me on phone in school, which he rarely does just to confirm if I was aware which I replied in the affirmative. He said all manner of derogatory things to me, because he felt his position as the head of the home was threatened, he felt we the children was siding my mom to override his authority in the home. My siblings would later call me the following day to complain about how he spoke to my mom, the poor woman cried for days. They said my dad would never see a dime of their money if they get rich even though I know it was childish talk but that's how serious thing are.

Almost all my siblings have grown to hate my dad though they conceal it very well. His tyrannical rule is not helping matters at all, my dad is the kinda father that if you spoil an appliance in the house, it would be in your best interest to repair it before he becomes aware because the funny part is he won't say much to you rather all the aggression would be transfered to my mom. If we use the generator we would have to replace the quantity of fuel that we used. I was sleeping in lecture hall in school, my pop man insisted there was no money and even advised I withdrew from school if I can't cope only to get home to meet the news that he just bought a land lol.

While I don't expect much from him cos I'm of age, I don't like how he keeps alienating himself from my other siblings due to his nonchalant attitude to their warfare. Those kids would spend weeks at home due to non payment of school fees but he would spend hundreds of thousands fixing his car if it breaks down.

My mom called me today in tears, p man just left the house without dropping anything for Xmas, and even a cube of maggi is not at home, and its not as if he doesn't have money, I'm away of the big contracts he's working on at the moment whereas he's been spending on his car putting it in shape for travelling him.
And he was the one that told momsi not to process her cassava and sell because she envisaged that something like this would happen.

Now my siblings have been bombarding me with complaints and this is why I preferred to stay back in school instead of traveling home.
How should I approach this issue? I can't call a man and tell him how to use his money, I've been struggling to make mine so that I can offset some of the expenses from his shoulder.

I love my dad and I understand his struggles, i know what people without a father figure goes through but how can I stop the hate that is brewing towards him from my siblings?
I want our home to be peaceful.
Please I need your advice.

Preetiex:
You don't value what you have until you loose it

That doesn't apply here....some people can be toxic.

shawante:
Mehn my father is kind of similar to your father although a bit milder.. But anytime he tries to start those his nonsense I dey enter am wotowoto before him go calm down.

It seems none of you are stubborn at home that's why he's behaving the way he does

He might throw that child out!!!

Appreciate your father while he is alive.....soon, very soon, you'll understand his fear and struggles.

For the fact that he cares about his kids activities......but you're perceiving his fatherly responsibility and his approach trying to solves his problem as ego shows you don't have experience about fatherhood and I guess you're been mislead by your mother's tears and moods all the while.

You'll soon miss your father when you eventually get the freedom you seek.

By the way, there is no cold war anywhere in your family, children calling firecracker war.

How many xmas have you celebrated without him dropping money ?
How many of your own School fees have you paid ?
Even your siblings ?

You better put on a thinking cap.

kazyhm:
Appreciate your father while he is alive.....soon, very soon, you'll understand his fear and struggles.

Abeg go Sidon somewhere o'jare!

player007:
Being the first son. You are in the best position to talk to him.
Sit him down. Let him know how much his words and actions are pushing the whole family away from him.
Let him know that sooner or later you all (the kids) will leave and he’s going to be stuck with his wife.

That last bit is not true. He can also divorce his wife.

Most stupid men in this position would care more about their children than their wife.

All i will say is, may God bless you exceedingly!
Your father go humble!

Mstick:
Almost 30 years of marriage and your Mom doesn't know how to work around your dad?

Weird.

there are people that are simply to difficult and toxic to understand,even if they marry for 100 years she will still not understand the man,it looks just like a mismatched loveless marriage and the two are not compatible

He is the best father you can get around. Find a way to show him love and respect . I mean all of you children.

You father is an old breed of the best order. Authoritative and strict. Yet knows what he is doing. He doesn't beat your mum and you guys , doesn't smoke ,and womanize. Abeg manage the man and celebrate him this Xmas and see the magic . take pictures of him and just show him strange love. And a lo so pray for him cos very soon, all his shakara will cone down and you all will miss him dearly

Kobojunkie:
Abeg go Sidon somewhere o'jare!

What do you know ?

A man trying to hold his family upright and tight; it's for his and his siblings good.

Mstick:
Almost 30 years of marriage and your Mom doesn't know how to work around your dad?

Weird.

Some women specialize in confrontations instead of on avoidance.

TheStakeHolder:
WHAT I SEE HERE IS A MAN WHOSE WIFE HAS BEEN ABLE TO MANIPULATE THEIR CHILDREN INTO THINKING THE MAN IS A PROBLEM.

THE MAN IS AWARE OF ALL THESE. HE IS ANGRY AND HAS DECIDED TO DISSOCIATE HIMSELF FROM THE FAMILY.

YOU, YOUR SIBLINGS AND MUM SHOULD GO AND ASK THAT MAN FOR FORGIVENESS AND SUBMIT TO HIS AUTHORITY.

Gbam! I'm fully in support of this.
The single guys won't understand this until they marry and have kids.

Supreme145:
Hmmmm he's not an easy man to deal with bro

I just hope he doesn't get too late for him. I pity most African men who still hold strongly unto old believes that been hard is the way to command submissiveness from subordinates. They forget that even the toughest war is settled in a peaceful table. I know a family whose dad acted weird, he even beats the wife & kids. A day came, trying to raise his hands against the first born. He was held down that he couldn't move or struggle. He was severely warned to behave henceforth or he would be asked to leave the house . That was when he realised the game has changed. So for your dad, he is still been powerful because of finance. The moment you & your siblings start making money. He will realize his mistakes. Even your mum will go for childcare and not return. At that point, he will be left with two choices: be humble enough to adjust & seek amend or keep up the ego and go polygamous. My direct advise to you is to be bold enough to talk to him as a man irrespective of his stand, stating possible future consequences if he keeps to his style of leadership, of course after appraising him vigorously for his effort at least to feed his ego. Your dad needs strong confrontation if he didn't listen to you. Most times, the later works better on his type.