Life doesn't get easier when you get a woman. It gets harder. Honest people know this.

Yet one of the most unpopular truths that provokes ridiculous reactions even in men is to say that women drag you down more than they help you.

People hate hearing this. Makes them defensive.
You get all these nonsense replies like

"Maybe you've just met the wrong kind of woman"

or "Men and women were made for each other and complement each other equally"

Or some other nonsense

All total cope, if you think women help men as much as men help them, you're delusional
It's the same with kids. Kids make life harder and drag you down as well.

In the hierarchy of neediness, men are least needy and children are most - with women in the middle.

Needy people make life harder, as they take up time and energy you'd otherwise allocate to building.
Does that mean you shouldn't have kids or get a woman?

No. These challenges can provide fresh meaning, and produce their own unique spiritual rewards.

Just realise every time you get with a woman or have an extra kid, you're increasing the difficulty level of your life.
Women are always the ones pushing for more. They want a baby. They want another baby. They want to get married. Why are the women always pushing for these things, rather than the men?

Because it's the men who bear the brunt of the increase in difficulty - not the women.
Don't get me wrong, a woman who's just had a child has certainly made her life harder. Before nobody relied on her. Now a child relies on her. But for the man, before it was just a woman relying on him, now it's a woman + a child relying on him. He has more people relying on him.
An easy life bereft of meaning is not a life worth living - and yet as with all things, difficulty should only rise in line with one's competence.

You don't jump straight from beginner to expert. You work your way up slowly.

Jumping into the deep end is how you wreck yourself.
Bearing all this in mind, you would think the needier sex would be the more grateful one, right?

Wrong.

It is more common for a man to be deeply thankful just to have any woman, than it is for a woman to be profoundly grateful for the man who cares for her.
You will hear "he's lucky to have her" or "I'm lucky to have her" more than "she's lucky to have him" and "I'm lucky to have him"

Women are far less modest, yet men are more pathetic. For women are more desperate than men when single, yet less grateful than men when taken.
The key to a lasting relationship is a sense of mutual appreciation, irrespective of the disparity in difficulty. If we accept we're a hierarchical species and that gender's a strong delineator of hierarchy, then it's absurd to be upset about "one having it harder than the other"
So it's not a matter of fairness in so much as it is a matter of gratitude, and readiness to endure and take on additional burden

Man's life is just one unending series of mounting burden, and a man who takes on more burden than he can endure collapses under the weight of it all
But given that man's burden is indeed the greatest, for he has not only the children, but the eternal adolescent, the woman to care for - he deserves the deepest gratitude and greatest thanks. Men build great empires and move whole oceans for little more than profound gratitude.
In this sense women make men better, not because they are an asset, but because they are a challenge, and, when they are the right kind of challenge - they moralise rather than demoralise. They give him a sense of purpose, even if they slow him down by making his life harder.
So you can think of a good woman as a gracious cheerleader. Her beauty both inside and out inspires the man, irrespective of the imposition of her needs. The beauty of her loins and the modesty of her soul transcends the ugliness of her neediness to invigorate him.
That is a best case scenario.

When such beauty is absent, the partnership loses its wholesome spiritual component and becomes parasitic. The man is demoralised, drained, like an unappreciated slave. He grows resentful, so he begins to crave freedom. He is slowly checking out.
A truly wise woman then is not only modest enough to accept the burden she represents - but mindful enough to actively counterbalance it by showering her man in beauty. She realises she keeps a man by showering him in the beauty of gratitude from the depths of her soul.
Women who fail to do this & allow themselves to become resentful (whether rightfully or wrongfully) will fail to keep their man in the long run.

There has to be some advantage, some reward, some positive for the man. You can't just endlessly mount him with burden with no thanks.
This is why narcissism although a terrible ugliness in general, is particularly ugly in woman.

Because at least narcissistic men provide.

What does an immodest woman have to offer a man at all in any meaningful spiritual sense?

She will cause him nothing but pain and problems.
All a woman has is her gratitude. She lives + dies by it, because it defines her immaterial beauty.

And so modesty for that reason alone is the chief + primary attribute women should cultivate and men should covet.

For without it, there can be no permanence, only temporariness.
This is why it's important for a man to cultivate a culture of appreciation within his relationship, and to set the pace at which he adopts additional burden.

Don't let women pressure you into taking on burdens you're unsuited to, and yet at the same time, do not lead her on.
Women feel anxiety about their fleeting fertility, but Rome wasn't built in a day. As such, your timescales are at odds and one party is forced to compromise.

The only real solution is to ensure a wider age difference.

Older, more established men with younger, unanxious women.

#Copied from @tellyoursonthis.

Nice write up, completely factual. We live in a world where everyone now wants to seem politically correct or woke as the case may be so while they may agree internally, will dare not voice out their true opinions.

Interesting piece that should be read with an open mind.
As our people will always say to be man no easy.

ecomalchemist:


He did at the concluding part.

@tellyoutsonthis !

yeah just saw that. I done go jump

Such an interesting write up!

Belafonte:
Boss, plagiarism no good na. Give credit to the original author. This shows a lack of integrity

He did at the concluding part.

@tellyoutsonthis !

solja147:
Life doesn't get easier when you get a woman. It gets harder. Honest people know this.

Yet one of the most unpopular truths that provokes ridiculous reactions even in men is to say that women drag you down more than they help you.

People hate hearing this. Makes them defensive.
You get all these nonsense replies like

"Maybe you've just met the wrong kind of woman"

or "Men and women were made for each other and complement each other equally"

Or some other nonsense

All total cope, if you think women help men as much as men help them, you're delusional
It's the same with kids. Kids make life harder and drag you down as well.

In the hierarchy of neediness, men are least needy and children are most - with women in the middle.

Needy people make life harder, as they take up time and energy you'd otherwise allocate to building.
Does that mean you shouldn't have kids or get a woman?

No. These challenges can provide fresh meaning, and produce their own unique spiritual rewards.

Just realise every time you get with a woman or have an extra kid, you're increasing the difficulty level of your life.
Women are always the ones pushing for more. They want a baby. They want another baby. They want to get married. Why are the women always pushing for these things, rather than the men?

Because it's the men who bear the brunt of the increase in difficulty - not the women.
Don't get me wrong, a woman who's just had a child has certainly made her life harder. Before nobody relied on her. Now a child relies on her. But for the man, before it was just a woman relying on him, now it's a woman + a child relying on him. He has more people relying on him.
An easy life bereft of meaning is not a life worth living - and yet as with all things, difficulty should only rise in line with one's competence.

You don't jump straight from beginner to expert. You work your way up slowly.

Jumping into the deep end is how you wreck yourself.
Bearing all this in mind, you would think the needier sex would be the more grateful one, right?

Wrong.

It is more common for a man to be deeply thankful just to have any woman, than it is for a woman to be profoundly grateful for the man who cares for her.
You will hear "he's lucky to have her" or "I'm lucky to have her" more than "she's lucky to have him" and "I'm lucky to have him"

Women are far less modest, yet men are more pathetic. For women are more desperate than men when single, yet less grateful than men when taken.
The key to a lasting relationship is a sense of mutual appreciation, irrespective of the disparity in difficulty. If we accept we're a hierarchical species and that gender's a strong delineator of hierarchy, then it's absurd to be upset about "one having it harder than the other"
So it's not a matter of fairness in so much as it is a matter of gratitude, and readiness to endure and take on additional burden

Man's life is just one unending series of mounting burden, and a man who takes on more burden than he can endure collapses under the weight of it all
But given that man's burden is indeed the greatest, for he has not only the children, but the eternal adolescent, the woman to care for - he deserves the deepest gratitude and greatest thanks. Men build great empires and move whole oceans for little more than profound gratitude.
In this sense women make men better, not because they are an asset, but because they are a challenge, and, when they are the right kind of challenge - they moralise rather than demoralise. They give him a sense of purpose, even if they slow him down by making his life harder.
So you can think of a good woman as a gracious cheerleader. Her beauty both inside and out inspires the man, irrespective of the imposition of her needs. The beauty of her loins and the modesty of her soul transcends the ugliness of her neediness to invigorate him.
That is a best case scenario.

When such beauty is absent, the partnership loses its wholesome spiritual component and becomes parasitic. The man is demoralised, drained, like an unappreciated slave. He grows resentful, so he begins to crave freedom. He is slowly checking out.
A truly wise woman then is not only modest enough to accept the burden she represents - but mindful enough to actively counterbalance it by showering her man in beauty. She realises she keeps a man by showering him in the beauty of gratitude from the depths of her soul.
Women who fail to do this & allow themselves to become resentful (whether rightfully or wrongfully) will fail to keep their man in the long run.

There has to be some advantage, some reward, some positive for the man. You can't just endlessly mount him with burden with no thanks.
This is why narcissism although a terrible ugliness in general, is particularly ugly in woman.

Because at least narcissistic men provide.

What does an immodest woman have to offer a man at all in any meaningful spiritual sense?

She will cause him nothing but pain and problems.
All a woman has is her gratitude. She lives + dies by it, because it defines her immaterial beauty.

And so modesty for that reason alone is the chief + primary attribute women should cultivate and men should covet.

For without it, there can be no permanence, only temporariness.
This is why it's important for a man to cultivate a culture of appreciation within his relationship, and to set the pace at which he adopts additional burden.

Don't let women pressure you into taking on burdens you're unsuited to, and yet at the same time, do not lead her on.
Women feel anxiety about their fleeting fertility, but Rome wasn't built in a day. As such, your timescales are at odds and one party is forced to compromise.

The only real solution is to ensure a wider age difference.

Older, more established men with younger, unanxious women.

#Copied from @tellyoursonthis.

I find myself getting angrier with the whole family thing as I grow older with more responsibilities and feeling of less appreciation from everybody around me. Its like the life os a man is work, work, work and more work until he end up in the grave. He get very little appreciation or recognition from society for all the years he toiled providing for people who are mostly ungrateful for all of his wasted life.
Also children are not any gift from God cos your get poorer for every child you make. The whole marriage/ family thing is a way to brainwash men into conforming to societal manipulations while being insulted at thesame time.

mk3jax:


I find myself getting angrier with the whole family thing as I grow older with more responsibilities and feeling of less appreciation from everybody around me. Its like the life os a man is work, work, work and more work until he end up in the grave. He get very little appreciation or recognition from society for all the years he toiled providing for people who are mostly ungrateful for all of his wasted life.
Also children are not any gift from God cos your get poorer for every child you make. The whole marriage/ family thing is a way to brainwash men into conforming to societal manipulations while being insulted at thesame time.

It's mostly Africans foolish broke men that believe having kids is a blessing. All over the world men are avoiding marriage as it leads to severely lower living standards. It's so bad in so many countries now that government is even offering incentives to people to have a family. It's only in Nigeria and other shithole African countries that people see having a family as a good thing whereas na suffering dey wait o

tensazangetsu20:

It's mostly Africans foolish broke men that believe having kids is a blessing. All over the world men are avoiding marriage as it leads to severely lower living standards. It's so bad in so many countries now that government is even offering incentives to people to have a family. It's only in Nigeria and other shithole African countries that people see having a family as a good thing whereas na suffering dey wait o

The incentives given in the west is only transient as the men will still get bleeped in the family court when the marriage ends. So the men will always loose anyway.
The major problem I see with modern family is that the men are expected to retain the 1900 status as provider and protector while the women have abandoned their 1900 roles. What are the incentives for a man to commit in todays world?

tensazangetsu20:

It's mostly Africans foolish broke men that believe having kids is a blessing. All over the world men are avoiding marriage as it leads to severely lower living standards. It's so bad in so many countries now that government is even offering incentives to people to have a family. It's only in Nigeria and other shithole African countries that people see having a family as a good thing whereas na suffering dey wait o

This mentality though...

So which is better, to remain single after the comfortable life achieved?

Bleep random women, attend functions and do a DORIME stuff right? Smh.

My brother no matter how you choose to avoid marriage, it is still a journey worth the sacrifice with a good plan and the right person...
It is stressful but worth it...

In OP's Interesting write up..

He was direct and factual with his views without an act of political correctness.

A man is a provider...No matter how you avoid marriage, you will keep providing for random unserious ladies just for the fun amd and few minutes of pleasure...Which fades away as you age and with almost no companion...Nobody has ever remained young forever.

The choices you made today, will determine your fulfilled tomorrow.

I rather spend that little money I have made on one interesting lady who bears my offsprings, than live an unexamined life of unaccounted bachelorhood... My people say flesh no too dey fish head.

A man is a bread winner, if your wife win Akara(beans cake) then everywhere go stew with happiness and joy.

All you need is a lady who ticks your boxes to a greater percentage, and as well share mutual respect, understanding and love...Everyother thing will fall in place.

Due to economic situations, things might change in some homes...The wife may now turn breadwinner...The husband should as well win Akara and appreciate eachother's effort.

If you appreciate the one who makes the AKIDI, she will make another one...

Most humans especially women don't know how people cherish appreciation...It goes down deeper.

tensazangetsu20:

It's mostly Africans foolish broke men that believe having kids is a blessing. All over the world men are avoiding marriage as it leads to severely lower living standards. It's so bad in so many countries now that government is even offering incentives to people to have a family. It's only in Nigeria and other shithole African countries that people see having a family as a good thing whereas na suffering dey wait o

Where are all these bitterness coming from?
The other time, you referred to those having children in Africa as demons or whatever, now this? Are you sure you’re ok?
I know say una new plan na to push agenda wey go depopulate Africa but e no go work!
You all can keep wailing!

Mariangeles:


Where are all these bitterness coming from?
The other time, you referred to those having children in Africa as demons or whatever, now this? Are you sure you’re ok?
I know say una new plan na to push agenda wey go depopulate Africa but e no go work!
You all can keep wailing!

Lol you are a lady. It's okay to have countless children Afterall you won't be the one caring for them. Like the article says no difference between women and children.

tensazangetsu20:

It's mostly Africans foolish broke men that believe having kids is a blessing. All over the world men are avoiding marriage as it leads to severely lower living standards. It's so bad in so many countries now that government is even offering incentives to people to have a family. It's only in Nigeria and other shithole African countries that people see having a family as a good thing whereas na suffering dey wait o

Now that you mentioned this, I remember a thread last week where the wife was pestering her husband for a child.

The said young man was struggling, writing some certifications to improve his finances.

I told the lady to leave the marriage if she can't wait for the man and if she so desired children and someone called me irresponsible. In their own words, "I hate women and children."

See ehn, at a point one has to realize the life of a man is a matrix made worse if said male is from a poor family.

You are being broke shamed in your youth, teased at, rated down, invisible, unrecognized and the moment you see the light, make some headway then gbam, the marriage chants comes in.

It paints a picture of a society that doesn't want you to rest: they take great satisfaction in the idea that you'll always carry burdens till you hit the dust.

It's the same reason why this society hate seeing a young unmarried man doing well. That figure pisses them off, makes them scornful, it makes them bitter, itchy. Your resources sha must be expended on someone/something: wife and kids being the perfect description.

And basis above I discourage young men from struggling backgrounds to delve into marriage or at best weigh their options carefully if they are ready for a life of double struggle or maybe even a marriage with no kids if they can manage it.

Raalsalghul:


Now that you mentioned this, I remember a thread last week where the wife was pestering her husband for a child.

The said young man was struggling, writing some certifications to improve his finances.

I told the lady to leave the marriage if she can't wait for the man and if she so desired children and someone called me irresponsible. In their own words, "I hate women and children."

See ehn, at a point one has to realize the life of a man is a matrix made worse if said male is from a poor family.

You are being broke shamed in your youth, teased at, rated down, invisible, unrecognized and the moment you see the light, make some headway then gbam, the marriage chants comes in.

It paints a picture of a society that doesn't want you to rest: they take great satisfaction in the idea that you'll always carry burdens till you hit the dust.

It's the same reason why this society hate seeing a young unmarried man doing well. That figure pisses them off, makes them scornful, it makes them bitter, itchy. Your resources sha must be expended on someone/something: wife and kids being the perfect description.

And basis above I discourage young men from struggling backgrounds to delve into marriage or at best weigh their options carefully if they are ready for a life of double struggle or maybe even a marriage with no kids if they can manage it.

I am far from struggling. If anything my income puts me at the top 1 percent of Nigerians but I can never have a relationship in Nigeria talk less of marriage. Anyone giving birth in Nigeria is a spawn of the devil more wicked than lucifer. This shithole country mtscheww.

tensazangetsu20:

I am far from struggling. If anything my income puts me at the top 1 percent of Nigerians but I can never have a relationship in Nigeria talk less of marriage. Anyone giving birth in Nigeria is a spawn of the devil more wicked than lucifer. This shithole country mtscheww.

Guy, society them go para for you oh.

You better off your mic.

Raalsalghul:


Guy, society them go para for you oh.

You better off your mic.

Like seriously it's so annoying they will tell you If your parents didn't give birth to you how far. People think that if there was a choice for me at birth to choose to be born a Nigerian or not to exist I will choose Nigeria . I was watching a Chinese documentary and before these guys give birth they even plan where their kids will work o as in see how organised they are.

Our parents in Nigeria just birth us no plan. A lot of people are staying with their parents till 35 due to the economic situation of the country.

tensazangetsu20:

Like seriously it's so annoying they will tell you If your parents didn't give birth to you how far. People think that if there was a choice for me at birth to choose to be born a Nigerian or not to exist I will choose Nigeria . I was watching a Chinese documentary and before these guys give birth they even plan where their kids will work o as in see how organised they are.

It is not even a matter of Nigeria. It's worldwide.

Given the choice, most people will rather be oblivious of reality than being born.

I mean, how do you tell a sickle cell patient, victim of Parkinson's disease or Siamese twins that they should be grateful to be given birth to.

No be madness be that.

As for the issue of Nigeria, so many are still making the same mistakes of our parents even with the stark reality staring at us. In the future, they'll probably say Nigeria of today was good. You know how the story goes...

Very interesting thread and comments so far.

Munzy14:

This mentality though...

So which is better, to remain single after the comfortable life achieved?

Bleep random women, attend functions and do a DORIME stuff right? Smh.

My brother no matter how you choose to avoid marriage, it is still a journey worth the sacrifice with a good plan and the right person...
It is stressful but worth it...

In OP's Interesting write up..

He was direct and factual with his views without an act of political correctness.

A man is a provider...No matter how you avoid marriage, you will keep providing for random unserious ladies just for the fun amd and few minutes of pleasure...Which fades away as you age and with almost no companion...Nobody has ever remained young forever.

The choices you made today, will determine your fulfilled tomorrow.

I rather spend that little money I have made on one interesting lady who bears my offsprings, than live an unexamined life of unaccounted bachelorhood... My people say flesh no too dey fish head.

A man is a bread winner, if your wife win Akara(beans cake) then everywhere go stew with happiness and joy.

All you need is a lady who ticks your boxes to a greater percentage, and as well share mutual respect, understanding and love...Everyother thing will fall in place.

Due to economic situations, things might change in some homes...The wife may now turn breadwinner...The husband should as well win Akara and appreciate eachother's effort.

If you appreciate the one who makes the AKIDI, she will make another one...

Most humans especially women don't know how people cherish appreciation...It goes down deeper.

It's an African thing though. Na Africans see marriage as success. Europeans and Americans don't think like that. People earning 100k having three children, imagine... No be juju be that

"difficulty should only rise in line with one's competence."

babyfaceafrica:
It's an African thing though. Na Africans see marriage as success. Europeans and Americans don't think like that. People earning 100k having three children, imagine... No be juju be that

People living from hand to mouth have 3 kids and more.

The painful part are those that inherit the burden of their parent as first born, imagine haven to take care of your siblings compulsorily because one funny culture demands that?

These things hurt when I think deeply about it, about how poverty would have greatly reduced if people birthed according to their earnings.

Anyways, poverty and illiteracy has a way of keeping people in poverty.

Marriage is thankless service to women. Even if they suddenly showed true gratitude what's that compared to a lifetime of self-sacrifice?

babyfaceafrica:
It's an African thing though. Na Africans see marriage as success. Europeans and Americans don't think like that. People earning 100k having three children, imagine... No be juju be that

100k? How many families in Nigeria are seeing that in a month?

mk3jax:


I find myself getting angrier with the whole family thing as I grow older with more responsibilities and feeling of less appreciation from everybody around me. Its like the life os a man is work, work, work and more work until he end up in the grave. He get very little appreciation or recognition from society for all the years he toiled providing for people who are mostly ungrateful for all of his wasted life.
Also children are not any gift from God cos your get poorer for every child you make. The whole marriage/ family thing is a way to brainwash men into conforming to societal manipulations while being insulted at thesame time.

if you want your family to appreciate you. Never reviel to them how much you earn.. Muhammad (pbouh)

The science behind this is that expectations won't be high and everything you do for. Them will always be a surprise cause they don't know what you earn.

babyfaceafrica:
It's an African thing though. Na Africans see marriage as success. Europeans and Americans don't think like that. People earning 100k having three children, imagine... No be juju be that

We still have whites that cherish the marriage institution..After all people procreate every day there.

Even some families with larger numbers live below that income...
Life na cutting your coat according to your clothe.

Nice write up

Hammyaladin:
if you want your family to appreciate you. [b]Never reviel to them how much you earn.. [/b]Muhammad (pbouh)

The science behind this is that expectations won't be high and everything you do for. Them will always be a surprise cause they don't know what you earn.

Good advise, make sure your wife and family don't know the exact amount you earn. However, this is difficult for people in civil service whose salary is known.

greenie77:


100k? How many families in Nigeria are seeing that in a month?

and they are giving birth daily. Imagine!! With the high rate of prices, how can you earn less and born more? Just bringing kids to suffer

Karleb:


People living from hand to mouth have 3 kids and more.

The painful part are those that inherit the burden of their parent as first born, imagine haven to take care of your siblings compulsorily because one funny culture demands that?

These things hurt when I think deeply about it, about how poverty would have greatly reduced if people birthed according to their earnings.

Anyways, poverty and illiteracy has a way of keeping people in poverty.

True

babyfaceafrica:
Good advise, make sure your wife and family don't know the exact amount you earn. However, this is difficult for people in civil service whose salary is known.

yh. That why men need to be very discreet.

If you collect 100k tell her it's 50 to balance things up. And male sure you spend the other 50 @ home lol. But codedly this way you'll curb the expectation and build gratitude in them.

Says the people whose lives fall apart the moment there’s not a woman in the family to hold everything together. Now there’s no difference between women and children. I’ve heard it all.

Your children raise themselves?
They feed themselves and feed you?
They keep the home running?
They go to work and contribute financially to the home? What amazing competent and capable children y’all must have then.

Every single minute on this forum there’s no lack of misogynistic tripe aimed at minimizing the worth of women even though most of can’t survive without them. But interesting thread . Yay. Perfect.

ReacherSaidNoth:
Marriage is thankless service to women. Even if they suddenly showed true gratitude what's that compared to a lifetime of self-sacrifice?

Don’t get married then