₦airaland Forum

Thank you all for the advice

Hmmmmmm.... Let the elders come and shine the light.

I'm just a student..

Just do that family planning please I'm begging you

Mehn this is deep, our parents don't just get it at all.
My dear you are a strong willed woman and honestly you are bold enough, this kind of situation is just not it. But there is hope, but the hope is truly your husband and not even you getting a better job or qualifications or even a business.

Let me be honest with you your husband is not responsible enough, him allowing his mother in law sponsor wedding lhalaone is a big shame to him, being poor is one thing but remaining poor is terrible.

When eve came to meet Adam he had a job, he met him working and all she did was support him. This guy is not having a good plan for himself, he had the opportunity to go to school or learn a trade and he didn't finish? That's a red flag.

Let's talk about solution: I don't really know the tribe your husband comes from but sorry to say I am not being tribalistic. Some culture character is really affecting a lot of men and it keeps them low. Now if you can talk with your husband about a proper plan for his life, your marriage is new, you are a lady and still in the market that's true but don't look towards that, your mum said build your home and I am saying the same thing build your home.
You have to try your best with your husband to plan that is if he listens to you.
You people should go for proper counseling and find someone he listens to incase he doesn't want to listen to you as a man he thinks he is(which I feel he is not a man).

He should learn a skill, try a trade and be intentional about his life. He is lucky he has a wife like you.

Una need some strokes of cane for borrowing money to do wedding..

You're in trouble, dear. If you're lucky to have another opportunity, you won't allow anyone make lifelong decisions for you. Your mom singlehandedly did this, she did that, you don't want to disobey her, bla bla bla.

You better call your mother to come and finish what she's started.

Mrsoft3:
Mehn this is deep, our parents don't just get it at all.
My dear you are a strong willed woman and honestly you are bold enough, this kind of situation is just not it. But there is hope, but the hope is truly your husband and not even you getting a better job or qualifications or even a business.

Let me be honest with you your husband is not responsible enough, him allowing his mother in law sponsor wedding lhalaone is a big shame to him, being poor is one thing but remaining poor is terrible.

When eve came to meet Adam he had a job, he met him working and all she did was support him. This guy is not having a good plan for himself, he had the opportunity to go to school or learn a trade and he didn't finish? That's a red flag.

Let's talk about solution: I don't really know the tribe your husband comes from but sorry to say I am not being tribalistic. Some culture character is really affecting a lot of men and it keeps them low. Now if you can talk with your husband about a proper plan for his life, your marriage is new, you are a lady and still in the market that's true but don't look towards that, your mum said build your home and I am saying the same thing build your home.
You have to try your best with your husband to plan that is if he listens to you.
You people should go for proper counseling and find someone he listens to incase he doesn't want to listen to you as a man he thinks he is(which I feel he is not a man).

He should learn a skill, try a trade and be intentional about his life. He is lucky he has a wife like you.

Sir money was the reason he didn't finish then According to what he told me ,he is yoruba ,am in my thoughts all alone I don't know who to discuss my issues with he is working as a driver now which I can't even build my life and that of my children on I have given him my school fee before to go and write a professional course in marine may be it will work it's all not working bro am tired ......only God know how am feeling now weird thought keep coming to my head ,I want to leave this state and go somewhere else to start life at this early stage of my life responsibility that is even older than me I don't have cloth is not that I didn't see rich men ,my intentions was to at least build with him the way am building is falling I was the one that even rented this apartment initially bought everything inside though he did some contributions gave it to me to add to it I rented the apartment we are staying am just feeling as if he is the one that park his load and come and meet me there is no feeling like am packing to my husband house ...make una please assist me hunger wan finish me

D story is long o, but what I have managed to deduce is that your mum invariably married the man through u or u married the man on your mum's behalf. No qualms, your mum shouldn't mind breadwinning the home I guess.

Lara113:
Hello house please help am In need of your advice
I got married few weeks ago but it seems am getting tired I dated my husband for more than 5 years when I met him I wasn't a materialistic type that fancy a man should have a car and all that before one could give attention,he stays in a room he had just bed and I don't mind I will travel from my school to visit him , encourage him and pray together believing everything will be fine ,he is calm and supportive too ,so we keep going he went to a fisheries training school with the hope that he will get a better job may on ship etc it was later he was telling me he didn't finish the school ,after 4 years I visited his family I was shocked his parents stays in a room they are not comfortable and living in penury I discuss this with my mum she encourage me I should not look that,I should build my own family, to cut the long story short my mum insisted I get married to him few weeks ago when am not mentally and financially ready and I know the kind of family am going into,my mum said I should use faith or have I seen a sugar daddy that is deceiving me just because none of her daughter has ever did wedding ,we did the wedding my mum was the one that carry the whole responsibility even up to cake the tent the food and all the cloth they pick for both parent ,my mother in law is still owing my mum till today ,the wedding didn't go the way I want I was not happy but because I don't want to disobey my mum because she single handedly raise us no father no helper , he manage somewhere as a driver the boss sacked him two months to the wedding he has to borrow money from fairmoney app so that we can see cloth and wear I added all my savings too ,we have been paying debt since after the wedding to fair money he got another driving job he is managing we have been paying debt , my mother inlaw too borrow money they said he will be the one to pay ,the mother inlaw called and was asking me how much am earning as salary, now am going to do family planning am not ready to give birth in penury am a supportive woman and I can put in all effort to support my man but am getting tired is getting on my nerves the salary I earned last month we use it to pay debt to go to work ,to eat is difficult I eat spoilt bread this morning,we stay in a room self contained my mother was the one that balanced the house rent when landlord wanted to send us out do you guys think our future is bright please I need your advice am tired I don't want to continue suffering ,I dont have 3 church cloth in the name of being a responsible and virtuous woman, people has started mocking me that who send them to marry please advice me am thinking of running away and nobody will know my whereabouts is not that my mother has money too but she is striving this is not how I planned to leave my life ����� � please advise me ,the love has flew away from my heart no longer happy in the marriage please advise me

Never be dismayed, the most important at the moment is not the noise but tomorrow. How do you enter the realms of favors and increase.
Can you give me your husband's number.
May be I can help in some ways.
Not money but connecting to opportunities.
Before some nairaland begin to disturb me.
I am a soul winner as a Christian and one of my areas of strength over the years is this that you post.
He can reach out to me via 08089456258

Lara113:
Sir money was the reason he didn't finish then According to what he told me ,he is yoruba ,am in my thoughts all alone I don't know who to discuss my issues with he is working as a driver now which I can't even build my life and that of my children on I have given him my school fee before to go and write a professional course in marine may be it will work it's all not working bro am tired ......only God know how am feeling now weird thought keep coming to my head ,I want to leave this state and go somewhere else to start life at this early stage of my life responsibility that is even older than me I don't have cloth is not that I didn't see rich men ,my intentions was to at least build with him the way am building is falling I was the one that even rented this apartment initially bought everything inside though he did some contributions gave it to me to add to it I rented the apartment we are staying am just feeling as if he is the one that park his load and come and meet me there is no feeling like am packing to my husband house ...make una please assist me hunger wan finish me

I understand your burden, life is not easy. Building takes time and you must endure a lot of things, don't think this way. I like your spirit. You are trying to find the right path. You can't do it alone, your husband must partner with you and see things the way you ares seeing it.

Please be calm, which church do you attend and which church does he attend?

Ynix:
Never be dismayed, the most important at the moment is not the noise but tomorrow. How do you enter the realms of favors and increase.
Can you give me your husband's number.
May be I can help in some ways.
Not money but connecting to opportunities.
Before some nairaland begin to disturb me.
I am a soul winner as a Christian and one of my areas of strength over the years is this that you post.
He can reach out to me via 08089456258

Thank u sir

The lack of proper sentence construction and paragraphs makes it hard to read.

Aunty, poverty can make a virtuous woman rethink her options.

You shouldn't have let anyone push you into marrying a man that's financially handicap, especially since you're not doing well yourself.

The first thing is to settle the debt you owe the loan apps. After that, y'all will still need to manage that self contain till you can afford better living conditions.

After paying the debt, look for contribution to enter in your office or through piggy vest, use your part of the contribution to have another source of income.

It could be selling fabrics like crepe online or buying oil and storing till it's expensive then sell.

Just look for something to augment your income.

Your husband should look for money, even if it is to be selling Okrika or noodles at a junction, let him look for something to do.

Dead the idea of of bringing kids into the world for now till you both can get your finances up and improve your living conditions.

Go and do family planning, the IUD (copper T) might be the best option if you're avoiding hormonal contraceptives.

To the single people here, "Love without finance is a nuisance o, worse if it leads to marriage, the love go just waka leave two of una for the marriage make una dey endure till one or two of una tire".

Before you marry, have something doing, you both should make your plans based on your income, your wedding budget should be based on your income, not what an uncle or aunty promised you. If your parents are wealthy, good for you.

Journey to no return.

Romanoff:
The lack of proper sentence construction and paragraphs makes it hard to read.

that is how I can express myself sir sorry about that

Foodqueen:
Journey to no return.

What do u mean sir

It's a dicey situation. Interestingly, you knew what you were getting into.

One big mistake was doing a big wedding when you knew you guys were not buoyant. Good you don't plan to bring in kids at this time and the first thing now is to live on a budget which will include paying your monthly debt, saving, and having enough to survive.

When next his mom ask you your salary, dodge the question or hang up. At this time, you and your husband should learn to discuss your income strictly between you both only just to aid planning and also, to avoid people having expectations on money they they didn't earn.

Romanoff:
The lack of proper sentence construction and paragraphs makes it hard to read.

Aunty, poverty can make a virtuous woman rethink her options.

You shouldn't have let anyone push you into marrying a man that's financially handicap, especially since you're not doing well yourself.

The first thing is to settle the debt you owe the loan apps. After that, y'all will still need to manage that self contain till you can afford better living conditions.

After paying the debt, look for contribution to enter in your office or through piggy vest, use your part of the contribution to have another source of income.

It could be selling fabrics like crepe online or buying oil and storing till it's expensive then sell.

Just look for something to augment your income.

Your husband should look for money, even if it is to be selling Okrika or noodles at a junction, let him look for something to do.

Dead the idea of of bringing kids into the world for now till you both can get your finances up and improve your living conditions.

Go and do family planning, the IUD (copper T) might be the best option if you're avoiding hormonal contraceptives.

To the single people here, "Love without finance is a nuisance o, worse if it leads to marriage, the love go just waka leave two of una for the marriage make una dey endure till one or two of una tire".

Before you marry, have something doing, you both should make your plans based on your income, your wedding budget should be based on your income, not what an uncle or aunty promised you. If your parents are wealthy, good for you.

Thank you sir I appreciate your advice

GboyegaD:
It's a dicey situation. Interestingly, you knew what you were getting into.

One big mistake was doing a big wedding when you knew you guys were not buoyant. Good you don't plan to bring in kids at this time and the first thing now is to live on a budget which will include paying your monthly debt, saving, and having enough to survive.

When next his mom ask you your salary, dodge the question or hang up. At this time, you and your husband should learn to discuss your income strictly between you both only just to aid planning and also, to avoid people having expectations on money they they didn't earn.

Thank you sir I appreciate God bless you

Lara113:
Sir money was the reason he didn't finish then According to what he told me ,he is yoruba ,am in my thoughts all alone I don't know who to discuss my issues with he is working as a driver now which I can't even build my life and that of my children on I have given him my school fee before to go and write a professional course in marine may be it will work it's all not working bro am tired ......only God know how am feeling now weird thought keep coming to my head ,I want to leave this state and go somewhere else to start life at this early stage of my life responsibility that is even older than me I don't have cloth is not that I didn't see rich men ,my intentions was to at least build with him the way am building is falling I was the one that even rented this apartment initially bought everything inside though he did some contributions gave it to me to add to it I rented the apartment we are staying am just feeling as if he is the one that park his load and come and meet me there is no feeling like am packing to my husband house ...make una please assist me hunger wan finish me

This is proof that if you're not standing well yourself, you will drown in the process of saving a drowning man.

Check my comment, is it something feasible for you?

Lara113:
1. to cut the long story short my mum insisted I get married to him few weeks ago when am not mentally and financially ready and I know the kind of family am going into, my mum said I should use faith or have I seen a sugar daddy that is deceiving me just because none of her daughter has ever did wedding ,we did the wedding my mum was the one that carry the whole responsibility even up to cake the tent the food and all the cloth they pick for both parent ,....

2. now am going to do family planning am not ready to give birth in penury am a supportive woman and I can put in all effort to support my man but am getting tired is getting on my nerves the salary I earned last month we use it to pay debt to go to work ,to eat is difficult I eat spoilt bread this morning,we stay in a room self contained my mother was the one that balanced the house rent when landlord wanted to send us out do you guys think our future is bright please I need your advice am tired I don't want to continue suffering

3. ,I dont have 3 church cloth in the name of being a responsible and virtuous woman, people has started mocking me that who send them to marry please advice me am thinking of running away and nobody will know my whereabouts is not that my mother has money too but she is striving this is not how I planned to leave my life ����� � please advise me ,the love has flew away from my heart no longer happy in the marriage please advise me

1. Your problems seem to have started with your mother. You weren't ready but you ignored your gut feelings only so you could please her. If you and your spouse had instead spent more time planning before marriage, you would probably have avoided a lot of the debts you are now dealing with. I mean ordinary registry marriage would have cost you two so much less and allowed you spend the bulk of that money your mother wasted on more meaningful things.

2. Family planning is absolutely a good idea for yoi and your husband, at least until you are both able to boast of sunstantial savings.

You at least have a job and so you and your husband should start now doing your Financials so you can handle paying off bills and feeding at the same time.

3. Stop living your life to please others. Also, during the lock down, people didn't attend church for months and dem no die. Church no be by force, neither is new dress. You said you have only been married a couple of weeks so what happened to cloth wey you wear before then?

What you and your spouse are faced with are not impossible odds. You both need to realize this, come together as a team to tackle it. Love no be only chemicals and hormones ... it is action too. Now is the time to put all those feelings you thought you has into action and this by working together to resolving the issues before you, not minding what those around think or say.

Romanoff:
This is proof that if you're not standing well yourself, you will drown in the process of saving a drowning man.

Check my comment, is it something feasible for you?

Have read through your comment sir, it is indeed feasible sir I will work on it

So glaring that you both ain't ready for this in the first place, then you allow your mother put you through all of this struggles. It's gonna keep getting tough except you both get a good source of income.

Lara113:
Have read through your comment sir, it is indeed feasible sir I will work on it

I am a woman like you.

Try it out. This is a trying time for you, you are already in as sinking boat, you can either swim to shore or sink with the boat.

If you have good friends you can trust, talk to one or two of them, 5k from here, 10k from there so you can sustain yourself for a month or two while you pay your loans and prepare for the contribution.

Kobojunkie:
1. Your problems seem to have started with your mother. You weren't ready but you ignored your gut feelings only so you could please her. If you and your spouse had instead spent more time planning before marriage, you would probably have avoided a lot of the debts you are now dealing with. I mean ordinary registry marriage would have cost you two so much less and allowed you spend the bulk of that money your mother wasted on more meaningful things.

2. Family planning is absolutely a good idea for yoi and your husband, at least until you are both able to boast of sunstantial savings.

You at least have a job and so you and your husband should start now doing your Financials so you can handle paying off bills and feeding at the same time.

3. Stop living your life to please others. Also, during the lock down, people didn't attend church for months and dem no die. Church no be by force, neither is new dress. You said you have only been married a couple of weeks so what happened to cloth wey you wear before then?

What you and your spouse are faced with are not impossible odds. You both need to realize this, come together as a team to tackle it. Love no be only chemicals and hormones ... it is action too. Now is the time to put all those feelings you thought you has into action and this by working together to resolving the issues before you, not minding what those around think or say.

Noted sir I appreciate your advice God bless you sir

Kobojunkie:
1. Your problems seem to have started with your mother. You weren't ready but you ignored your gut feelings only so you could please her. If you and your spouse had instead spent more time planning before marriage, you would probably have avoided a lot of the debts you are now dealing with. I mean ordinary registry marriage would have cost you two so much less and allowed you spend the bulk of that money your mother wasted on more meaningful things.

2. Family planning is absolutely a good idea for yoi and your husband, at least until you are both able to boast of sunstantial savings.

You at least have a job and so you and your husband should start now doing your Financials so you can handle paying off bills and feeding at the same time.

3. Stop living your life to please others. Also, during the lock down, people didn't attend church for months and dem no die. Church no be by force, neither is new dress. You said you have only been married a couple of weeks so what happened to cloth wey you wear before then?

What you and your spouse are faced with are not impossible odds. You both need to realize this, come together as a team to tackle it. Love no be only chemicals and hormones ... it is action too. Now is the time to put all those feelings you thought you has into action and this by working together to resolving the issues before you, not minding what those around think or say.

Humm I understand sir

Mumsie pushed you into marriage and has abandoned you to your fate. There is a big lesson to be learned here

Hmm life! parents sometimes can shatter a loyal and obedient child's life.You shouldn't have deactivated your account.l feel your pain.

NoLotty7:
Hmm life! parents sometimes can shatter a loyal and obedient child's life. You shouldn't have deactivated your account.l feel your pain.

Any adult-aged individual still playing " the obedient child" to his or her parents is not mature enough to engage or take on adult responsibilities..... it is as simple as that.

Madam, you're married for a few weeks and you're complaining so much like this?

Your only problem right now is money because you overspent during your wedding.

Just patiently finish off your debt and don't overspend again.

Make sure you do family planning too.



As for your in laws:

Leju pa
Ranju
Ma rerin
Mashey transfer

In short, don't give in to their demands. You'll be the bad guy in your marriage for a while but once things get better they will all start sucking up to you, humans are that fickle.



Relax okay, it's not that bad.

Lol.... Where's the story?

Wow! It is well. Money is good....it makes a lot of things easier. Your story is sad. Wow! If you must run, the two of you should run to somewhere where you can start afresh. It is really well o.

I don't pity you. You are the cause of your misfortune. Deal with it. You already knew what the outcome would be like but you went ahead because of your mom.