₦airaland Forum

Cheasystickylov:
Hello all, please all I need is your candid advice. I do not think this is the time to ask me rhetorical questions. I would have answered all those questions before the end of the epistle.
I do not sincerely if to quit my marriage or jut keep hoping that things will change in the nearest future.
I dated my wife for three years before got married in 2006. I can say without exaggeration that it has been war, except occasionally when peace will just reign for a short period of time.
Sadly I got a job in a multinational and we moved to Germany in 2014 and that just worsened everything. This made her to acquired more powers to do what ever she likes.
My wife is someone that literally fights with every single person.
During our dating, she exhibited so many of these characters. Despite all these red signs, I somehow just continued rather foolishly in the relationship hoping things will get better. This was not also helped by the pastor of our church who ensured that the relationship continued, he gave very many biblical examples including forgiving someone 7 times 77 times. I must also state that her mother was an elder in the church. So the action of the pastor is understandable.
We eventually got married, and it has been sorry tears and blood. We were able to have 3 children, and the eldest is 11 years, the youngest is 7 years.
My wife disrespects every single living thing I say, every one of them, she can insult me in public without giving a damn. I can not list all the scenario. Just to emphasize this point, her eldest brother and sisters have cautioned her many times , in my house and even when we visit them. To further emphasize, her eldest sister’s husband stop us from coming to his house because he said he can does not just bear the insults and the manner she disrespects me.
We can not have a heart to heart discussion, she is always not ready, or when we talk she just tell me to summarize, or she ignores me completely.
I have suggested counselling, however, she simply refused.
We can stay in the house for months without talking to each other, I have and still has always been the one that tries to initiate peace. Sadly most times she doesn’t even listen and walk away.
She keep male friends that I do not even have any real relationship with them, even if I try to caution her, she screams back. I have actually stopped trying to caution her, I just leave her alone with them. The latest now is a pastor who prays for her for the past 5 years, sadly the pastor and I have never had any conversation for all these years. I demanded for his number 2 years ago, she refused as usual, so I just allow her be. Of course their has been one or two case of suspected infidelity, initially when I asked she just ignored me and was even screaming. I gave her deadline of 5 days and she later cam to me to explain. Although there were still many grey areas.

The sad part is that, there is no single family member to even look into the matter
1.Her step brothers and sisters- they are not in talking terms.
2.Her mum- her mum dare not !
3.Her uncle- She is not in talking terms with any of them
4.Her Aunt-the same story, not in talking terms with them

She does not really have any close per say, and occasionally attend church online. I wish does attend a physical church, her pastor would have been the next person that might probably look into it.

Sadly she believes every one of these people including me have a problem. She feels she is right and we are all just evil people.

I am so confused and frustrated. I do not know exactly what to do.

frozen70:
It's just a pity

She is living in her own world and she us just high for nothing

Just ignore those areas you can't control and move on

If someone doesn't value you, you absence makes no sense to the person

kapelvej:
I feel so. I pity the OP

CountVersailles:
I think you may have gotten too used to this treatment it has become normal. You shouldn't tolerate this. The same way you gave her those 5 days to offer an explanation, give her some days of ultimatum to change, else you'll leave the marriage. If she doesn't change, just leave. People always have a choice to change or not change. If she doesn't take that choice, you should be in that marriage tolerating it any further.

Cheasystickylov:
Hello all, please all I need is your candid advice. I do not think this is the time to ask me rhetorical questions. I would have answered all those questions before the end of the epistle.
I do not sincerely if to quit my marriage or jut keep hoping that things will change in the nearest future.
I dated my wife for three years before got married in 2006. I can say without exaggeration that it has been war, except occasionally when peace will just reign for a short period of time.
Sadly I got a job in a multinational and we moved to Germany in 2014 and that just worsened everything. This made her to acquired more powers to do what ever she likes.
My wife is someone that literally fights with every single person.
During our dating, she exhibited so many of these characters. Despite all these red signs, I somehow just continued rather foolishly in the relationship hoping things will get better. This was not also helped by the pastor of our church who ensured that the relationship continued, he gave very many biblical examples including forgiving someone 7 times 77 times. I must also state that her mother was an elder in the church. So the action of the pastor is understandable.
We eventually got married, and it has been sorry tears and blood. We were able to have 3 children, and the eldest is 11 years, the youngest is 7 years.
My wife disrespects every single living thing I say, every one of them, she can insult me in public without giving a damn. I can not list all the scenario. Just to emphasize this point, her eldest brother and sisters have cautioned her many times , in my house and even when we visit them. To further emphasize, her eldest sister’s husband stop us from coming to his house because he said he can does not just bear the insults and the manner she disrespects me.
We can not have a heart to heart discussion, she is always not ready, or when we talk she just tell me to summarize, or she ignores me completely.
I have suggested counselling, however, she simply refused.
We can stay in the house for months without talking to each other, I have and still has always been the one that tries to initiate peace. Sadly most times she doesn’t even listen and walk away.
She keep male friends that I do not even have any real relationship with them, even if I try to caution her, she screams back. I have actually stopped trying to caution her, I just leave her alone with them. The latest now is a pastor who prays for her for the past 5 years, sadly the pastor and I have never had any conversation for all these years. I demanded for his number 2 years ago, she refused as usual, so I just allow her be. Of course their has been one or two case of suspected infidelity, initially when I asked she just ignored me and was even screaming. I gave her deadline of 5 days and she later cam to me to explain. Although there were still many grey areas.

The sad part is that, there is no single family member to even look into the matter
1.Her step brothers and sisters- they are not in talking terms.
2.Her mum- her mum dare not !
3.Her uncle- She is not in talking terms with any of them
4.Her Aunt-the same story, not in talking terms with them

She does not really have any close per say, and occasionally attend church online. I wish does attend a physical church, her pastor would have been the next person that might probably look into it.

Sadly she believes every one of these people including me have a problem. She feels she is right and we are all just evil people.

I am so confused and frustrated. I do not know exactly what to do.

Cheasystickylov:
Thank you so much. I am very grateful

efficiencie:
I am happy you realized how foolish it was to ignore red flags. No matter how long you try you can never make semo with ice water. Some women have no business in marriages but some of you dumbos manage to marry them.

Number 1. Secure your finances. If this woman manages to take hold of your finances you are finished. Remove her name as next of kin in all your documents immediately and ensure she has no means to legally tap into your finances.

Number 2. Stop reacting to her stupidity. Leave her be. She will soon ruin herself.

Number 3. Counselling is not what you need. You need deliverance. Demons are competing for the remote control of your wife. They are playing ludo with your wife's brain. Go for deliverance, fast!

Number 4. No matter what you decide to do next, make sure that you will never be a fool again!

frozen70:
My dear, God will give him wisdom to tackle it

Cheasystickylov:
The sad part is that, there is no single family member to even look into the matter
1.Her step brothers and sisters- they are not in talking terms.
2.Her mum- her mum dare not !
3.Her uncle- She is not in talking terms with any of them
4.Her Aunt-the same story, not in talking terms with them

She does not really have any close per say, and occasionally attend church online. I wish does attend a physical church, her pastor would have been the next person that might probably look into it.

Sadly she believes every one of these people including me have a problem. She feels she is right and we are all just evil people.
I am so confused and frustrated. I do not know exactly what to do.

Kobojunkie:
Marriage is meant an agreement between a man and a woman (no third-parties) and the beauty of that agreement is it is meant to be as unique as the couple. Since there is obvious communication issues between you two, it needs to be resolved or at least handled in order to move you both forward to the next leg job your relationship.

I would advise you enlist the help of a professional marriage counselor (no pastors or family members) to help you in this attempt to bridge the communication gap between yourself and your wife. Table the issues you have while she tables hers and you both work with the counselor to get through as much as you can or decide whether best to call it quits from there.

dopeonlove:
I read your story , I shake head. I hope she no get bipolar ? I was very happy when I got to the part you wrote, all the red flags were there during your courtship but you foolishly went ahead to marry her . So you brought sorrow , tears and sadness to your self, thinking that things would change. I don't know how old your wife is , but I know that things ( lifestyle) that did not change over 30 years of her existence would not change now .

Anyways, I don't have much to say but to thank God for my life. My relationship of over a year now has been a very turbulent one from the very first day till date and I once believed things would change, but my brother , things are just getting worst and I am planning to go ahead with the marriage. However, Something very strange happened by she, taking her madness to my family and every one was stunned !

Imagine your wife telling you and your family she can't bear your surname and you should bear hers ?? Baba , it was a narrow escape and really thank God almighty for coming to my rescue. Now reading this your story even makes me feel I am on the right track not to regret my actions very soon .

My advice for you right now is to try as much as possible to stay away from reporting her to her family of any kind , pastors and councillors ( as it has not been working but only makes her more angry ) . Always try to make your wife happy . Be the first to apologize. Put in more effort to be a gentle , sweet , romantic, caring and loving husband . Go with her love languages, just maybe, she may see a reason to love you again. The reason for this is because the old ways ain't working so you need a change of approach to save your marriage. Lastly, put her in prayers! Good luck in your future endeavours.

Cheasystickylov:
Thanks, but I said in my post that she has refused councelling. I went as far as her telling her to choose any one she feel she can table the matter before, but she refused. I promised to also foot the bills if she choose a professional counsellor, she also refused.

Cheasystickylov:
I have been waiting fir that wisdom. I feel so spent. I sincerely do not know the next thing to do. She has not got any family or anyone I can talk to. She has unresolved issues with every one of them, so they are not in talking terms. I don't know where to look to.

Cheasystickylov:
I have been waiting fir that wisdom. I feel so spent. I sincerely do not know the next thing to do. She has not got any family or anyone I can talk to. She has unresolved issues with every one of them, so they are not in talking terms. I don't know where to look to.

malaria:
Poster e be like say na your wife dey marry you . Its either she don cage you somewhere or you are simply being stupid. Wake up and be a man. No woman is bigger than any African man that paid her bride price . Unless the brides family is feeding you , even of the brides family is feeding you self . Biko separate from that woman before you render your children fatherless . I am.writing based on your own side of the story anyways

LifestyleTonite:
Cheasystickylov

If you have anything to tell me, say it right here.

Thank you

Cheasystickylov:
It's fine. Thanks

Kobojunkie:
Does your wife by any chance desire divorce from you? Have you both ever even talked about it and she, maybe, made her intentions known on that issue?

Cheasystickylov:
Not really. We have not. She occasionally say we all have our lives to live

Kobojunkie:
You could try to bring up the subject with her to see If she might reconsider the issue of getting marriage counseling at this point in your situation. Marriage isn't meant to be a prison for anyone including her.

Cheasystickylov:
but in my post, I said she has refused counselling and anymore of discussion with me

Kobojunkie:
I meant you could try broach the issue of divorce, suggesting counseling as a means to avert it to see how she will react in order to Guage her reaction.

Cheasystickylov:
Well in last year, I told her I was leaving the home , she simply didn't even care , she asked me why am I bothering her, I should go if I want to, no need disturbing her with it

Cheasystickylov:
Well in last year, I told her I was leaving the home , she simply didn't even care , she asked me why am I bothering her, I should go if I want to, no need disturbing her with it

Cheasystickylov:
Hello all, please all I need is your candid advice. I do not think this is the time to ask me rhetorical questions. I would have answered all those questions before the end of the epistle.
I do not sincerely if to quit my marriage or jut keep hoping that things will change in the nearest future.
I dated my wife for three years before got married in 2006. I can say without exaggeration that it has been war, except occasionally when peace will just reign for a short period of time.
Sadly I got a job in a multinational and we moved to Germany in 2014 and that just worsened everything. This made her to acquired more powers to do what ever she likes.
My wife is someone that literally fights with every single person.
During our dating, she exhibited so many of these characters. Despite all these red signs, I somehow just continued rather foolishly in the relationship hoping things will get better. This was not also helped by the pastor of our church who ensured that the relationship continued, he gave very many biblical examples including forgiving someone 7 times 77 times. I must also state that her mother was an elder in the church. So the action of the pastor is understandable.
We eventually got married, and it has been sorry tears and blood. We were able to have 3 children, and the eldest is 11 years, the youngest is 7 years.
My wife disrespects every single living thing I say, every one of them, she can insult me in public without giving a damn. I can not list all the scenario. Just to emphasize this point, her eldest brother and sisters have cautioned her many times , in my house and even when we visit them. To further emphasize, her eldest sister’s husband stop us from coming to his house because he said he can does not just bear the insults and the manner she disrespects me.
We can not have a heart to heart discussion, she is always not ready, or when we talk she just tell me to summarize, or she ignores me completely.
I have suggested counselling, however, she simply refused.
We can stay in the house for months without talking to each other, I have and still has always been the one that tries to initiate peace. Sadly most times she doesn’t even listen and walk away.
She keep male friends that I do not even have any real relationship with them, even if I try to caution her, she screams back. I have actually stopped trying to caution her, I just leave her alone with them. The latest now is a pastor who prays for her for the past 5 years, sadly the pastor and I have never had any conversation for all these years. I demanded for his number 2 years ago, she refused as usual, so I just allow her be. Of course their has been one or two case of suspected infidelity, initially when I asked she just ignored me and was even screaming. I gave her deadline of 5 days and she later cam to me to explain. Although there were still many grey areas.

The sad part is that, there is no single family member to even look into the matter
1.Her step brothers and sisters- they are not in talking terms.
2.Her mum- her mum dare not !
3.Her uncle- She is not in talking terms with any of them
4.Her Aunt-the same story, not in talking terms with them

She does not really have any close per say, and occasionally attend church online. I wish does attend a physical church, her pastor would have been the next person that might probably look into it.

Sadly she believes every one of these people including me have a problem. She feels she is right and we are all just evil people.

I am so confused and frustrated. I do not know exactly what to do.

Quim2:
Wait till you die of stroke.

Fool