₦airaland Forum

Kellzzyy:
Thank God my kids will grow in Nigeria. I'll beat them silly if they misbehave.
Imagine, mummy stop shouting. Like, are you mad? How dare you talk to your mother like that?
Na slap I go whooze you.

oh yeah!! then this thread is not for you.

Endlessgrace:
Speaking from personal experience, most times speech delay is an underlying indicator to ASD or other social communication disorders. The earlier one gets a diagnosis, the better and quicker things fall in place.
I’ll advise the parent to get the child into school or nursery asap so that necessary referral could be made and the child could be put on waiting list for therapy, although its a very long waiting but you’ll get necessary support while on the waiting list. Going private is not cheap and I remember being quoted £1600 just for assessment.
Note that your GP can also do the referral but it’s quicker when it’s from an educational setting.

Mine has gone through the necessary diagnosis in US before coming back to Nigeria. I have been on this a while. May God help all mothers.

Akorkor:
oh yeah!! then this thread is not for you.

You can't be so sure.
I'm migrating with wifey over there by November, but I'm insisting on leaving the kids back in Nigeria.
Till they turn 16 at least. That's three years more.

Akorkor:
Mine has gone through the necessary diagnosis in US before coming back to Nigeria. I have been on this a while. May God help all mothers.

Virtual hug for you, the lord is our strength.

Kellzzyy:
Thank God my kids will grow in Nigeria. I'll beat them silly if they misbehave.
Imagine, mummy stop shouting. Like, are you mad? How dare you talk to your mother like that?
Na slap I go whooze you.

Definitely do not take them abroad at any point with this mindset. If you do, please expect that you will be jailed at some point. It's better you change that mindset now, before you are deported. Every society needs a different approach.

mumzt:
A lot of people are wondering how I'm doing it. Let me try and summarise.

It shocks everyone. Especially for someone that had all the help needed in Nigeria. But I was determined. My husband still does 98% of our expenses from nigeria.

I didn't work for the first 6 months. I finished all my school work. My course is 2 years, so now I'm on holidays till end of May. My advance practice starts in June. So it all just works out. I currently work as an administrator, Monday to friday, flexi hours but full time. So I chose to do 9:30-5. I don't work weekends at all. I'm a mother hen. I still love to be 5&6 with my kids. I go EVERYWHERE with them. Even in Nigeria, never used to leave them with maid or nanny. I wasn't working in Nigeria though.

It's expensive though, I must admit.

Now that I've started working, my 2 year old has to be in nursery from Monday to friday. So i pay for that. My neighbour picks the three of them from school and nursery and keeps them till 5, when I close. I pay her a token. And the kids love it there.

It takes a lot of patience. Can't be rushed. The idea of making money immediately is not realistic in this case. And you must get support from somewhere sha. I also built relationships with neighbours, that's why I got the help for after school.

I was initially paying for private after school for the older ones because their school doesn't do after school. Stopped when my neighbour offered to help.

Not as easy as it looks in black and white, but very doable. I'm resting now though. Got a visit visa for my mum and she's around. But my kids also learned a lot of independence around the house. We grew quite fast in the last 1 year.

“My husband still does 98% of the expenses”
Meaning: My husband is a ‘Big Boy’ in Naija. He earns (possibly in Naira), then converts to Pounds (£1 = ~ NGN 750). Then he sends the ££ to us in the UK to spend.

“It’s expensive though, I must admit”
Meaning: No try am if your other half cannot be able to be sending up to 98% for your needs.


“The idea of making money immediately is not realistic”
Meaning: If you are not already rich, very rich in Naija. No try am. You go wound.

Kellzzyy:
You can't be so sure.
I'm migrating with wifey over there by November, but I'm insisting on leaving the kids back in Nigeria.
Till they turn 16 at least. That's three years more.

Okay, May the lord direct your steps then. Please ensure to leave them with trusted humans

Akorkor:
Okay, May the lord direct your steps then. Please ensure to leave them with trusted humans

Thanks.
My wife's sister will be taking care of them. I've spoken with her husband already and he's cool with it.

Kellzzyy:
Thanks.
My wife's sister will be taking care of them. I've spoken with her husband already and he's cool with it.

Okay. All the best

This your interpretation na sth else

JustAPasserBy:
“My husband still does 98% of the expenses”
Meaning: My husband is a ‘Big Boy’ in Naija. He earns (possibly in Naira), then converts to Pounds (£1 = ~ NGN 750). Then he sends the ££ to us in the UK to spend.

“It’s expensive though, I must admit”
Meaning: No try am if your other half cannot be able to be sending up to 98% for your needs.


“The idea of making money immediately is not realistic”
Meaning: If you are not already rich, very rich in Naija. No try am. You go wound.

Thank you for this thread oo

Just got admitted to RGU Aberdeen by God’s grace, will like to bring my kids currently aged 4 and 6, both boys. Both very noisy too.

More helpful tips please

Kellzzyy:
Thank God my kids will grow in Nigeria. I'll beat them silly if they misbehave.
Imagine, mummy stop shouting. Like, are you mad? How dare you talk to your mother like that?
Na slap I go whooze you.

A lot of Nigerians grew up with the upbringing, yet a lot of Nigerians are behaving badly now in their adult life, killing is on the rise even using parents for rituals, depression is on the rise so with many things

Meaning how effective was all these nigerian shouting, beating and harsh upbringing. It didn't result in a perfect society

I believe children should be brought with firm hard and guided from small but it not by shouting and or excessive beating

JustAPasserBy:
“My husband still does 98% of the expenses”
Meaning: My husband is a ‘Big Boy’ in Naija. He earns (possibly in Naira), then converts to Pounds (£1 = ~ NGN 750). Then he sends the ££ to us in the UK to spend.

“It’s expensive though, I must admit”
Meaning: No try am if your other half cannot be able to be sending up to 98% for your needs.


“The idea of making money immediately is not realistic”
Meaning: If you are not already rich, very rich in Naija. No try am. You go wound.

If this is your interpretation, good for you.

I only stated my reality. Because people ALWAYS ask me how they can work with that arrangement. It's not about wealth, its about sacrifice.

I came with people that thought getting a car immediately was priority. Or sending money back home. So we all have different realities and what works for us.

For me, staying at home without working was a cheaper option for us. And it worked till I finished Mt schoolwork. Now I'm working full time and paying for childcare. Like I said, this is what has worked for me.

Peerielass:
Totally agree with you. One other thing that I find that affects speech development is the dummy/pacifier and also the time a child spends on bottles. This is why the health visitors try to encourage new moms to move the infants to cups from 12 months. A child that still drinks milk from a bottle at 3 years old will struggle to speak.

As important as school work is, extra curricular activities like swimming, gymnastics, horse riding. drama, cycling, playing musical instruments, brownies, scouts etc are also very important and equip the kids with life skills that will come in handy in the future.

This is not Nigeria where there is so much emphasis on book with little knowledge of life skills. We need to raise children who will become well rounded adults in future. I live in a predominantly white environment and all the men in my extended family and social circle are very hands on. They fix their cars themselves, paint their houses themselves, build fences and tile bathrooms by themselves. Even the women too are hands on except moi.

Your final sentence is funny

veleta:
My little contribution with school aged children here in England. Black kids are usually stereotyped with SEN. If offered help especially speech therapy don't resist, we should try to limit phone/ipad usage. It affects their speech and communication especially with first kids and boys. Read storybooks every night, I know it's tough but it really helps. If you can't read, get one from YouTube Biff, Chip and Kipper and so on then play and stay with them. It increases their vocabulary a lot.

Register them for swimming as soon as possible, dance, drama, football, music, rugby etc. It helps boost their confidence as well as their social circle.

Always ask them what they did in school, who they are sitting with in class, who they played with. Schools here group kids according to their ability. A child in Year 3 for instance can be doing Year 1 curriculum meanwhile in the same class, another child in that same class might be doing Year 4 or 5 curriculum or syllabus.

As a parent, you need to reinforce what they are doing in school at home for your child to be in top table in their class. The class size which is 30 is usually difficult so it's basically survival of the fittest except you are rich, you can opt for private.

With time, I might write more if time permits.

what is SEN please?

hassinho707:
what is SEN please?

Special Educational Needs and Disabilities.

Mamatukwas:
Agree with most of what you’ve said, but I’m not sure I agree with accepting speech therapy if you don’t think your child needs it. Most of our kids when they move here have difficulty understanding the accent and vice versa which is understandable. It will only take time.

I refused to allow anyone label my child anything especially as I hear those records stay for a long time and might invite additional scrutiny. Just my opinion though. Might be wrong.

Those that requires additional scrutinies are mostly related to families that claims benefits from the government or families with histories of abuse and/or single parenting. People tend to generalise alot

ednut1:
Nigerian women i hail una. Was in the UK recently to see family members and friends. Many of the kids are grown up now. Some have cut their parents off, some battled mental health issues, some still made it sha . Its not easy as a Nigerian parents in uk raising kids in this western world o. Our culture of interfering and guiding children is seen as toxic when they grow older.

it is toxic

Why did I almost came late to this thread,well it's never too late to learn...

Grab my chair & popcorn. @OP, lemme sit right behind you as I'm looking forward to migrating to UK soon. Thank you plenty much

Igbamatigbi:
I am a social work student, we did a course on child law and we were taught that children from age 12 can be left briefly with the younger siblings, I don't know how long the time is I think for few hours, you can check young carer under the children act 1989 ( that's the act social workers currently use)

We were told that you can enroll the young child under the younger carer program. Do your research, I think your 13 year old is legible and can take care if the younger ones, I didn't ask where but I know it's the local authority that will help you sign up for the younger carer program.

Read Below:-

hassinho707:
what is SEN please?

special educational needs

LagosismyHome:
A lot of Nigerians grew up with the upbringing, yet a lot of Nigerians are behaving badly now in their adult life, killing is on the rise even using parents for rituals, depression is on the rise so with many things

Meaning how effective was all these nigerian shouting, beating and harsh upbringing. It didn't result in a perfect society

I believe children should be brought with firm hard and guided from small but it not by shouting and or excessive beating

Thank you! My thoughts exactly. We keep deluding ourselves that with all the harsh discipline, the beatings and punishments, we are brining up 'Good' kids, if that was the case then why is there so much corruption and evil in the land?
Have we ever considered that violence begets violence? There are boarding schools here in the UK, but you never of the kind of extreme punishment being done to students the way it is in Nigeria. I've also never heared of any university student being killed by fellow students due to 'cult' or other issues.
I am not saying that everything we do in bringing up kids in Nigeria is wrong, far from it, for example installing good mannars, politness these are all worthy attributes that should be drilled into a child, but as for the beating, I honestly don't think it does anything postivive in the long term, and may actually contribute to create violent minded kids.

Kellzzyy:
Thank God my kids will grow in Nigeria. I'll beat them silly if they misbehave.
Imagine, mummy stop shouting. Like, are you mad? How dare you talk to your mother like that?
Na slap I go whooze you.

Were.

Something I Just Remembered:

If you’re just arriving the UK, please note that most things here take time and follow procedure. So for instance if you want to see a doctor or even sign your kids up for swimming, you’ll be amazed that there is a very long wait list especially since Covid.

Don’t do the normal naija thing and wait till the last minute to book your slot. Call and register interest for swimming, music, football, even your GP early (excluding emergencies of course), so that you can join the queue. This folks no dey hear abeg oh

Mamatukwas:
Hello Everyone.

This is a space to talk about parenting, navigating cultural differences, knowing your rights and other general issues related to being a parent in the UK as a Nigerian Immigrant.

For general immigration information and tips on living in the UK, visit the thread below:

https://www.nairaland.com/6719932/living-uk-life-immigrant-part-2

For questions on studying in the UK, please refer to the student thread: https://www.nairaland.com/6712649/uk-student-visa-tier-4#105017249.

Here’s to raising strong families.

I have booked my space. I have a question,I intend moving to the Uk with my husband and son as his dependent. Our son will be 1 year 5 month by September, can I work while he school and do the government accept a young child like that being dropped off at the crèche
Please I will appreciate your contributions

veleta:
My little contribution with school aged children here in England. Black kids are usually stereotyped with SEN. If offered help especially speech therapy don't resist, we should try to limit phone/ipad usage. It affects their speech and communication especially with first kids and boys. Read storybooks every night, I know it's tough but it really helps. If you can't read, get one from YouTube Biff, Chip and Kipper and so on then play and stay with them. It increases their vocabulary a lot.

Register them for swimming as soon as possible, dance, drama, football, music, rugby etc. It helps boost their confidence as well as their social circle.

Always ask them what they did in school, who they are sitting with in class, who they played with. Schools here group kids according to their ability. A child in Year 3 for instance can be doing Year 1 curriculum meanwhile in the same class, another child in that same class might be doing Year 4 or 5 curriculum or syllabus.

As a parent, you need to reinforce what they are doing in school at home for your child to be in top table in their class. The class size which is 30 is usually difficult so it's basically survival of the fittest except you are rich, you can opt for private.

With time, I might write more if time permits.

Please I have some question. I am relocating with my husband and son on student visa, our son will be 1 year 5 month by September. Can I drop my son in a crèche and work to support my husband? Are there “if” and “but“ attached to it? Lastly what is the price range of crèche in the Uk

Joydan95:
Please I have some question. I am relocating with my husband and son on student visa, our son will be 1 year 5 month by September. Can I drop my son in a crèche and work to support my husband? Are there “if” and “but“ attached to it? Lastly what is the price range of crèche in the Uk

Sure 1 year 5 month is not too young

There are private nurseries everywhere, a lot open 8am to 6pm (about that range). You can even drop a one month old. ...you just register and see if there space. If yes then pay and drop but be ready to pay £800 and above for full time... my side its £1k, so Depending on your city.... any hours you need outside those hours then it's husband and wife working as a team. There also childminder if you prefer that to nursery. You would need to find one close to you.

mumzt:
Awesome. We'll done mamatukwas, long overdue thread.

Here alone with 3 kids all under 8. husband is in Nigeria and just shuffles. Schooling and working without breaking a single rule. I hope to contribute as much as possible

More strength to you mama. Please can I drop of a 1 year 5 months old child at a crèche to enable me work ?

LagosismyHome:
Sure 1 year 5 month is not too young

There are private nurseries everywhere, a lot open 8am to 6pm (about that range). You can even drop a one month old. ...you just register and see if there space. If yes then pay and drop but be ready to pay £800 and above for full time... my side its £1k, so Depending on your city.... any hours you need outside those hours then it's husband and wife working as a team. There also childminder if you prefer that to nursery. You would need to find one close to you.

Thanks for the response. The 800 -1k is it for a term or what duration?

Joydan95:
Thanks for the response. The 800 -1k is it for a term or what duration?

It’s per month.

Joydan95:
Thanks for the response. The 800 -1k is it for a term or what duration?

monthly

Kellzzyy:
Thank God my kids will grow in Nigeria. I'll beat them silly if they misbehave.
Imagine, mummy stop shouting. Like, are you mad? How dare you talk to your mother like that?
Na slap I go whooze you.

You need to unlearn this behavior. Beating / shouting at a child affects them mentally and socially, they become unnecessarily reserved