JONNYSPUTE:
...So who is training the boy child mostly?

So you were not trained by your mother?,

Stargurl20:
Oga, maybe I'm the one who fails to see this, but I don't think I'm biased with my post. This is not a post to stop men from marrying as much as they want. No be una money and stress? Wetin be my own? Neither is it a post to justify women's cheating act. My point is men justifying men's cheating and lying on innocent nature to back it up.

A) not all men believe that cheating is right (i dont)
B) cheating men are not the problem with Nigerian society and/or NL... and even if it was, they dont cheat with other men, do they?! who are these women that gladly lay with these married/dating men?! are they not part of the problem at hand or should we solely blame men for this issue?
C) as we all know that polygamy is rampant in Nigeria, dont you think that Nigerian society has a part to play in this?
D) when mothers raise their daughter to believe that their MAIN FOCUS IN LIFE is to get married, dont you think that it will create an atmosphere where women will view marriage as a do or die, thus doing insane whatever to bag a man (even sleeping with married/dating men)?!
E) when sons see their fathers marrying multiple women and treating them like garbage, do you think that these same sons will grow up to value women (especially when NIGERIAN SOCIETY itself doesnt value women)?!

MrBrownJay1:


A) not all men believe that cheating is right (i dont)
B) cheating men are not the problem with Nigerian society and/or NL... and even if it was, they dont cheat with other men, do they?! who are these women that gladly lay with these married/dating men?! are they not part of the problem at hand or should we solely blame men for this issue?
C) as we all know that polygamy is rampant in Nigeria, dont you think that Nigerian society has a part to play in this?
D) when mothers raise their daughter to believe that their MAIN FOCUS IN LIFE is to get married, dont you think that it will created an atmosphere where women will view marriage as a do or die, thus doing insane whatever to bag a man (even sleeping with married/dating men)?!
E) when son see their fathers marrying multiple women and treating them like garbage, do you think that these same sons will grow up to value women (especially when NIGERIAN SOCIETY itself doesnt value women)?!

I wish voice note could be use here.
I'm not saying all men think cheating is right. I'm worried about those who do it and still expect women to put up with their shits like nothing happened as well as bragging it's their right to cheat.

I'm neither encouraging polygamy . I'm a lady my self and wouldn't like to share a man ' I truly love' with any woman. But it's time women especially Nigerian women woke up and accept reality.
You can hardly see a man even the man with the best wife who would stick to a woman especially if he's Muslim. As much as I don't desire polygyny, which I know most women who also love their husbands wouldn't wish for, but do we always get what we want? No!
So, my point is rather than cheating and infecting their wives as well as causing them pain, they should rather follow the legal way if they can be just

Stargurl20:
I'm neither encouraging polygamy either. I'm a lady my self and wouldn't like to share a man ' I truly love' with any woman. But it's time women especially Nigerian women woke up and accept reality.
You can hardly see a man even the man with the best wife who would stick to a woman especially if he's Muslim. As much as I don't desire polygyny, which I know most women who also love their husbands wouldn't wish for, but do we always get what we want? No!
So, my point is rather than cheating and infecting their wives as well as causing them pain, they should rather follow the legal way if they can be just

So you are invariably saying as much as you are against polygamy, you will settle for it this because you have chosen to see it as the reality available to you as a woman?

Understand that if women didn't submit to polygamy or settle for it, men wouldn't have any other option, but to stick to having one partner at a time or face repercussions.

Kobojunkie:
So you were not trained by your mother?,

...Did you understand my question?

Stargurl20:
I wish voice note could be use here.
I'm not saying all men think cheating is right. I'm worried about those who do it and still expect women to put up with their shits like nothing happened as well as bragging it's their right to cheat.

the problem with the above is not these men who think the way they do, its women who gladly go along to this nonsense. if there was no woman for these men to cheat with, dont you think that they would face their wives/GFs and fully focus on them?!?

eventually, the important question IS: why should we care about what cheating men do?! isnt it their lives? shouldnt they have the right to do what they please (even though we may believe it is wrong)?!

I'm neither encouraging polygamy either. I'm a lady my self and wouldn't like to share a man ' I truly love' with any woman. But it's time women especially Nigerian women woke up and accept reality.

now that is the main issue...

You can hardly see a man even the man with the best wife who would stick to a woman especially if he's Muslim. As much as I don't desire polygyny, which I know most women who also love their husbands wouldn't wish for, but do we always get what we want? No!
So, my point is rather than cheating and infecting their wives as well as causing them pain, they should rather follow the legal way if they can be just

too many women out there are desperate for a man, thus you cant stop polygamy....it is part f the African culture and aint about to go.
now ask yourself this simple math question: is one apple better than two?!
as much as i dont wish to have multiple wives, many men are greedy and would rather have two than one, just like no matter how many toys you give a child, he always wants one more!

JONNYSPUTE:
...Did you understand my question?

It's in helping me understand your question that I had to ask my own question there.

Kobojunkie:
It's in helping me understand your question that I had to ask my own question there.

..I rest my case

Kobojunkie:
So you are invariably saying as much as you are against polygamy, you will settle for it this because you have chosen to see it as the reality available to you as a woman?

Understand that if women didn't submit to polygamy or settle for it, men wouldn't have any other option, but to stick to having one partner at a time or face repercussions.

It's what my lord has permitted for men 'provided they can be just' who am I to go against my lord? Nothing!

Stargurl20:

It's what my lord has permitted for men 'provided they can be just' who am I to go against my lord? Nothing!

You should probably only stick to debating these things within the confines of your belief so you don't sound like a walking contradiction or something.

You had earlier stated that as a woman you would rather not share a man you love with another woman so that led me to believe you didn't agree with the idea of women sharing their men with other women. That got me confused as to why you would then settle for what you don't like.

Most women have a choice to reject polygamy as these rules were put in place by men to satisfy their greed. And the major reason why such things happen to thrive in our society is because women submit to such inane ideas because they have themselves been convinced that it is their lot or their best option. History has however proven time and time again that that isn't the case at all.

Kobojunkie:
Most women have a choice to reject polygamy as these rules were put in place by men to satisfy their greed. And the major reason why such things happen to thrive in our society is because women submit to such inane ideas because they have themselves been convinced that it is their lot or their best option. History has however proven time and time again that that isn't the case at all.

exactly...

Stargurl20:
I stumbled on this on NL and I was totally flabbergasted by the comments by most NL's men. Like..... What the f**k?! Who trained these men? This Nigerian society has totally failed and our thoughts has been badly infected(not excluding my self). I'm not a feminist, but it hurts whenever I see this. Most parents have failed. They keep training girls (I'm not saying it's wrong to train gurls) that will end up marrying the boys they've failed to give proper training.

Who the hell gave Nigerian men this mentality that cheating is normal when it comes to men? I'm a Muslim and I wouldn't deny the fact that it is stated in the holy book that men can marry upto to 4 wives provided he can do just among them( which I personally feels it isn't possible). However, my religion didn't emphasized cheating or justified men's right to cheat and inflict trauma on their partners. In fact it's totally against Zina(adultery) which also happens to be one of the major sins in islam. I believe christian religion isn't left out as well...

Having read through various comments made by NL's men, I realized these men are nothing but narcissistic who will wish for someone else's daughter what they would never which for their own daughters , sisters or even their beloved. Why?!
They were encouraging this poor lady to move on, manage the man and justify his cheating acts not caring about potential STDs this man could infect this poor lady in the future.

I can't say for the entire world, but for Nigerian men, most I would say (coz some still made reasonable comments) are hypocrite with no orientation about how women should treated.

If efforts are put into training them same way women are trained to respect their men, their men's emotions and everything, they wouldn't have grown with such decayed mentality.

When people tell me that there is no inequality, sexism or misogyny in Nigeria I just show them Nairaland.

The average Nairaland male is a representative of the broader Nigerian males and how they reason and that is very shameful

Stargurl20:
As for those who always claim that men has higher libido. Well, sorry to burst ur bubble. You're ignorant, coz women's libido is higher. They only tame it to make them not appear loose due to the society we found ourselves.


Men just give lots of silly excuses to cheat.

Exactly and women have just been taught to be discreet about it.

Why do you think that FGM is still practiced because of the false belief that some misguided adults can control a woman's sexual urge.

AmazonTopaz:
Exactly and women have just been taught to be discreet about it.

Why do you think that FGM is still practiced because of the false belief that some misguided adults can control a woman's sexual urge.

FGM, yet another reason why mothers need to have a conversation about the direction, and future for their children.

The reason these evils persist is woman allow them.

Stargurl20:

In my write up, I never mentioned just mothers. I stated 'parents' all through. It takes mother and father to be parents, correct?
But because the onus of child training has been left to most mothers in Nigerian homes, why wouldn't u point out mothers?

The average Nigerian man doesn't see training his children as his job. But if they turn out well, he will claim them as his.

His job is to cheat, demand respect, act egomaniacal and generally irrational to prove he is indeed a man. His example to his children is negligence, anger, pride and insolence. Afterwards he will say the woman didn't train them right. She did. But what is lacking is any training whatsoever from their fathers. And that is why Nigerian men are largely dysfunctional. They never had a good example.

AmazonTopaz:


When people tell me that there is no inequality, sexism or misogyny in Nigeria I just show them Nairaland.

The average Nairaland male is a representative of the broader Nigerian males and how they reason and that is very shameful

Really shameful

AmazonTopaz:


Exactly and women have just been taught to be discreet about it.

Why do you think that FGM is still practiced because of the false belief that some misguided adults can control a woman's sexual urge.

Lol ... Even females who are genitally mutilated still have urges and find sex pleasurable when they meet a man with good skills.

BRATISLAVA:


The average Nigerian man doesn't see training his children as his job. But if they turn out well, he will claim them as his.

His job is to cheat, demand respect, act egomaniacal and generally irrational to prove he is indeed a man. His example to his children is negligence, anger, pride and insolence. Afterwards he will say the woman didn't train them right. She did. But what is lacking is any training whatsoever from their fathers. And that is why Nigerian men are largely dysfunctional. They never had a good example.

Infact, my family is living example of this. My brother did something so painful to my mom one day and my mum was calling my dad to at least man handle him coz he doesn't fear my mum anymore and despite the fact that my dad doesn't discipline him , he still dreads my dad ( u know na as per man wey him be). Could u believe that my dad couldn't even utter a single word to scold the boy and my mum started crying that my bro himself should take a look, that if he become someone in future that my dad will be the first to brag but God forbid if the reverse is the case, he will even deny he is his father.

BRATISLAVA:
The average Nigerian man doesn't see training his children as his job. But if they turn out well, he will claim them as his.

His job is to cheat, demand respect, act egomaniacal and generally irrational to prove he is indeed a man. His example to his children is negligence, anger, pride and insolence. Afterwards he will say the woman didn't train them right. She did. But what is lacking is any training whatsoever from their fathers. And that is why Nigerian men are largely dysfunctional. They never had a good example.

Mothers need to train their kids to recognize these traits for what they really are, even at that.

Stargurl20:

Lol ... Even females who are genitally mutilated still have urges and find sex pleasurable when they meet a man with good skills.

The more important point is that these mutilations are unnecessary.

Kobojunkie:
You should probably only stick to debating these things within the confines of your belief so you don't sound like a walking contradiction or something.

You had earlier stated that as a woman you would rather not share a man you love with another woman so that led me to believe you didn't agree with the idea of women sharing their men with other women. That got me confused as to why you would then settle for what you don't like.

Most women have a choice to reject polygamy as these rules were put in place by men to satisfy their greed. And the major reason why such things happen to thrive in our society is because women submit to such inane ideas because they have themselves been convinced that it is their lot or their best option. History has however proven time and time again that that isn't the case at all.

Hm... The histories I've read so far, shows that women were left with no option. Moreover, some men wouldn't even inform their wives they will be practicing polygyny. But end up marrying another leaving the wives with no option

Stargurl20:
Hm...
1. The histories I've read so far, shows that women were left with no option.

2. Moreover, some men wouldn't even inform their wives they will be practicing polygyny. But end up marrying another leaving the wives with no option

1. Women have always had choices.

2. The woman whose husband marries another woman without her consent has options. She can chose to remain a third wheel/abandoned wife in the union of she can divorce the man for breaching the marriage agreement.

In the case that the man and woman had been married under the court system(monogamy only allowed), not only can she divorce the man but also charge him for violating the terms of their marriage.

Marriage has never been mandatory.... and for those who venture into it, there are options.

Kobojunkie:
1. Women have always had choices.

2. The woman whose husband marries another woman without her consent has options. She can chose to remain a third wheel/abandoned wife in the union of she can divorce the man for breaching the marriage agreement.

In the case that the man and woman had been married under the court system(monogamy only allowed), not only can she divorce the man but also charge him for violating the terms of their marriage.

Marriage has never been mandatory.... and for those who venture into it, there are options.

And what about the society

Stargurl20:
And what about the society

I don't follow.

Kobojunkie:
I don't follow.

They cannot be completely ignore. We live in the society. So to an extent, their opinions matters.

Stargurl20:

Lol ... Even females who are genitally mutilated still have urges and find sex pleasurable when they meet a man with good skills.

Right, and the ignorance of these people says a lot.

With more advocacy hopefully FGM becomes a thing of the past.

Stargurl20:

They cannot be completely ignore. We live in the society. So to an extent, their opinions matters.

Society's view is made up of the opinions of the majority of its people. In the case of Nigeria, Society's view is based on the views of the foolish majority.

Why in the world would any sane individual chose to submit to such foolishness to begin with? Are you blind to the realities of such foolishness?

Kobojunkie:
FGM, yet another reason why mothers need to have a conversation about the direction and future for their children.

The reason these evils persist is women allow them.

Sadly you are right the disadvantages of patriarchy still exist today because some women are the upholders of the patriarchy.

I call the patriarchy princesses they enjoy putting another woman down to please a P**nis.


Women need to do more for each other and support one another and stop competing with ourselves and becoming our enemies.

AmazonTopaz:


Right, and the ignorance of these people says a lot.

With more advocacy hopefully FGM becomes a thing of the past.

Yes o...

Kobojunkie:
Society's view is made up of the opinions of the majority of its people. In the case of Nigeria, Society's view is based on the views of the foolish majority.

Why in the world would any sane individual chose to submit to such foolishness to begin with? Are you blind to the realities of such foolishness?

Are u a male or a female. I initially guessed u are a male. Seeing a male standing with truth for women on this platform, is more like a dream that cannot materialize. All I know males on this platform for is to bully women even when they are the ones who have wronged women

Stargurl20:

Are u a male or a female. I initially guessed u are a male. Seeing a male standing with truth for women on this platform, is more like a dream that cannot materialize. All I know males on this platform for is to bully women even when they are the ones who have wronged women

I stand for commonsense aka Wisdom, and commonsense is it is deleterious to bow to foolishness. In Nigeria's case, the foolishness of the many generations before ours is what we are still struggling to pull society and self out of even to this day.

Why would anyone, knowing this, wish to continue perpetrating the same foolishness?

Women are bullied both here on nairaland, and in Nigeria daily by men - society upholds that bullying mind you. So, women themselves need to step up and begin making choices to curb the powers that these bullies continue to exercise over them. Doesn't that seem the logical way forward or are women not done suffering?

Kobojunkie:
I stand for commonsense aka Wisdom, and commonsense is it is deleterious to bow to foolishness. In Nigeria's case, the foolishness of the many generations before ours is what we are still struggling to pull society and self out of even to this day.

Why would anyone, knowing this, wish to continue perpetrating the same foolishness?

Lol .. you're right.
Pls, answer my question