₦airaland Forum

honeyball:
lefemmechoclat

Did he used your money to build house for his parent? So you want to divorce a good man because he built house for his parent?

After you divorce him, you will be crying fowl loneliness later and start looking for scammers online

Instead of you to communicate with him, you are here thinking of divorce.

I can also forsee reasons why he didn't tell you before building a house for his parent with his own money.

lefemmechoclat:
You dont know what you are saying.. did you read my original post? In a marriage its both peoples money. I worked 2 jobs over 2 ywars to support my home and when he finally got extra money instead of relelieving me of the bills and helping our home he went and built a house that wasnt necessary now.

I'm not thinking of divorce btw.i have already initiated it. Yes when a man lies to your face while undergoing something for months and sees you working 16hr days 7 days a week and does not care but sends a car you out on your credit to Nigeria instead of selling it so help Pau down debts ..yes that calls for divorce. Thus is the usa not nigeria where debts can have you kicked out of your home. Marriage shouldn't financially ruin me. Betrayal is a deal breaker. Maybe cos there men can do whatever and you take it to keep a marriage but I was doing better financially when I was not married and our home comes first you help your wife so she isn't working so hard. No one should get a mansion built on my sweat nobody. Cos he felt I could cover everything he straight up lied got a 2nd job and instead of putting the money to debts he built a mansion.no no no. He can go and do what he likes I can't be with a liar.

This isnt nugeria where women really dont work. This is the usa. Who will be looking for scammers online? My last thought is looking gor a partner right now. He put his famiky there before us and we owe money to the government that could cause a lien . A extra house was not necessary right now when things were put in in my name as he didnt have when we married..

That is ok. You can have that opinion. It doesnt change the fact he will be paying back through the courts for that house and all the debts he should have covered.

lefemmechoclat:
You dont know what you are saying.. did you read my original post? In a marriage its both peoples money. I worked 2 jobs over 2 ywars to support my home and when he finally got extra money instead of relelieving me of the bills and helping our home he went and built a house that wasnt necessary now.

This isnt nugeria where women really dont work. This is the usa. Who will be looking for scammers online? My last thought is looking gor a partner right now. He put his famiky there before us and we owe money to the government that could cause a lien . A extra house was not necessary right now when things were put in in my name as he didnt have when we married..

That is ok. You can have that opinion. It doesnt change the fact he will be paying back through the courts for that house and all the debts he should have covered.

honeyball:
I understand your feeling on this because I, too cannot associate myself or marry a liar.

I hate lies.

I also think maybe your hubby refused to admit or apologize over your hurts.

May time heal your wounded soul.

lefemmechoclat:
He apologize but that doesnt fix the physical stress or mental that i went through.divorcr doesnt either but again if yo7 can look me in the eye and lie over months like that you can do anything.

honeyball:
I guess there are things I don't know about your family, but do not think of divorce.

You american women give up so easily.
Yes it is true that, being married with children can make our lives more complicated.

Divorce willl complicate things more.

honeyball:
Do not divorce if he still loves you. Unless you are tired of him.

Things may not go as you think

lefemmechoclat:
I'm a joker? Ok so be it. I worked 2 jobs for 2 years at one point even 3 jobs.. 2 during the day and a rotating at night to support my home. Even first car I helped him buy and cosigned..where is it? In nigeria with his parents. So you telling me i didn't deserve to know and how his igbo responsibility is most important. That is fine that is why i paid my retainer and signed the paperwork to initiate the divorce. You can sit here and really think him doing what igbo men do should supercede all the responsibility at home and the debts am carrying.

lefemmechoclat:
If he loved me he would put his home first. Your wife shouldn't have to work 16 hr days for 2 years so you can build a bigger home for your parents. You relieve your wife first. Period.

lefemmechoclat:
We american women divorce so easily? What are you saying? And you women get beaten and killed by your husband even put out on the street with nothing so you all have to deal with it.

If a man can lie to me to my face like that and overwork me so his relatives are comfortable. He can go. Maybe you all live and die for marriage but women here do not and that's ok

Divorce.wont complicate anything. He can go and overwork someone else's daughter and lie to them. I would rather be alone. He can pay me what he owes me so creditors don't come behind me and for his kids. He will pay me half of all transactions sent to Nigeria as I have record and they were made during our marriage without my knowledge while the money was needed here

baby124:
Go and make up with your husband and stop coming here to find support that will break your home. You have a provider and a hard worker but here you are ranting and raving. You married him without even bothering to know where he is from and understanding his culture, yet you want to blame him. That is your fault, own it! You don’t marry a stranger and form ignorant when they start doing things relating to their culture. You have a hard time admitting to faults and you are hell bent on blaming him.

Look, he will take care of you and family as he’s doing well and, he will take care of his family at home. It’s our culture, we have responsibilities. Best to advise him to get his dependents something doing, like a skill. Cheaper and he can hands off after that. His parents though, he will have to care fir them till they die, especially as a first son because, he inherits everything in their culture. Your fault for marrying without thinking. Now, you are married, work it out! You think taking care of a special needs child all by yourself is going to be easy abi?

If he cannot afford your demands after divorce, now what? Continue on the path you have slowly designed for yourself. You will come here and relate it. You need to learn the art of thinking, telling yourself the truth and trying to weigh risks and benefits for your own good. All the best. Lawyer is there to make his own money and does not care. At the end of the day, you will realize you played yourself.

Advision:
As a lady, you consider it right for a partner to make a significant financial decision that could imperil the family without bothering to carry you along?

The husband is completely wrong and just abused his partner's trust. How many of the wife's tradition does the husband understand and will he be open to being a casually of an illogical decision arising from her tradition without his consent?

baby124:
Do you have a comment or advise for the lady or are you just an arm chair critic. Drop your advise and go away.

Advision:
as I suspected, you dont have a logical response to the comment.

@lefemmechoclat, dont let anyone mislead you. Your husband was clearly very wrong. It's a complete betrayal of trust. Should you decide to forgive him it's totally up to you.

Advision:
your husband's actions are inexcusable. He failed to liberate himsel from certain backward traditions held by the igbos.

I have igbo friends with successful careers, who lived and worked in Lagos, but were building mansions in their home towns which they only ever used when they went for the christmas holidays. I often questioned the logic of this reasoning.

And frankly being married to him and exposed to the culture.i have seen atleast a few widows even when they contributed financially their husband's properties taken by family. I have seen women kicked out of their own homes literally in the streets with nothing but wrapper on. I have seen many men simply work their wife's to the ground and take their money to just send back home. A good friend of mine husband sent all his income back home and she literally asked and begged his mom to stop demanding so she wouldn't need to work so much to support the home-ghe mom in law slapped her and told her to mind her business.

You see that's not my culture. That's why. I delayed telling my own parents the reason why I was working two jobs. They didn't understand how a man would allow or need his wife to work as much and they suspected I was running out of money and steam. It's embarrassing. You can send money to cousins that have parents monthly but I ask you to put 50 a month in your kids accounts it's a problem. I ask you to help me pay this government debt it's a problem. I ask you to help me pay atty to start a trust for our special child it's a problem. Firs time you get free mindy you take all the extra and build a mansion. So I still have to work 2 jobs. How does that make sense. I noticed alot of his friends didn't understand the concept of paying it forward and generational wealth with their kids..they are paying it backwards..it's crazy. You take care of home first and relieve your wife.



I understand it's some kind of tradition that arose from the igbos having their assets outside their homelands expropriated during the Nigerian civil war of the 1960s. The traditional is now a main stay in igbo home town.

I am sure your husband knew it would sound illogical to you that is why he hid it from you.

Sorry....you married an igbo man that failed to break free from a tradition that many outside their region find illogical.

Advision:
as I suspected, you dont have a logical response to the comment.

@lefemmechoclat, dont let anyone mislead you. Your husband was clearly very wrong. It's a complete betrayal of trust. Should you decide to forgive him it's totally up to you.

honeyball:
I understand your pains.

Its like giving your all to someone who end up betraying you.

It is very painful.

lefemmechoclat:
If he loved me he would put his home first. Your wife shouldn't have to work 16 hr days for 2 years so you can build a bigger home for your parents. You relieve your wife first. Period.

lefemmechoclat:
Yes so for you to do that to me we no longer need to be married. No. A judas

dobnina:
I will be very frank with you. A lot of people might not agree with what I am about to say but it's the bitter truth.
I am a Nigerian woman and the truth is 90% Nigerian men who marry oyinbos/Maga only do that for green card and what they can benefit from the lady. Once they start making money, they build houses in Nigeria, establish businesses, send money home for investment.
After achieving their dreams, they relocate back to Nigeria and marry a Nigerian woman then start life afresh with her leaving the oyinbo woman with her kids.
Some men even tell their wives that they are coming to Nigeria to visit their parents, but they'll come to Nigeria, marry another wife, impregnate her and start building another family without the knowledge of the oyinbo lady.
Most of my friends are married to men who are based abroad and also married to Oyinbo women with kids. They all understand the agreement. It's only for a short time.
When they achieve their dreams, they divorce the Oyinbo woman and bring their family abroad or leave the oyinbo woman stranded and relocate back to Nigeria.
My advice for you, you better start counting your losses now. You are just a "Maga" that was used for Elevation. Don't be surprised that your husband has a Nigerian family. That's what they do.
If you like listen to the people that are advising you to save your marriage. They are only saying that because a Nigerian man is involved. Most Nigerians believe marriage is a do or die affair so they will continue to tell a woman to endure and continue suffering.

He didnt need me for citizenship. It was already beingprocessed by his internship after he graduated with his masters h1b. He also while we were dating was introducedto nigerian women living here from his village and he declined them all and married me. He wasnt not in a situation of marry me or bust. He had options and i am aware of that cos haitian men do it too. He has never even been tl nigeria without me and the kids. His family came to the usa for my wedding the better off ones atleast 30 plus members and each omugwo his mother and dad or aunt comes.

Im not really worried about any of that.he can do what he he wishes the bank accts will be cleared anyway

dobnina:
Your husband is begging now because he understand what he is about to lose. I am sure he would have bragged to his family here how he is a big man in the states.
I still stand by the advice I gave you.
Don't listen to Nigerians telling you to save your marriage. Most of them know about this type of agreement I told you about, and they support it. the only person who loses at the end of always the oyinbo wwomanthat was kept in the dark.

I understand that. Men canndo whatever there and women endure it. I'm not doing that. I'm not sure about saying he is a big man back home hut he definitely doesn't show that his wife is hustling that is the only reason he is able to do such.

I don't lose anything really. Not with a good atty.l matter of fact I'll hr gaining. And he lives his kids just don't know the importance of saving. Wasn't raised that way
Talk to your family, explain everything, get their support and count your loses
In Nigeria, a woman will work her ass off to feed her family while the husband sits at home doing nothing and even wastes the wife's money; if she complains to his family, they will advise her to stay and endure.
In Nigeria, a woman will be told to pray for her cheating husband to change.
Don't let the internet advisers give you that type of advise.
He has shown you his true character. It's left for you to take your decision.
Peace.

frozen70:
You don't need to divorce him pls, that house is for you and the children

He built it for you guys nit his parents

If you divorce him, he will come home and marry from his native land and he knows that even if you take the children, they will look for him one day

You guys can travel home so that you have a good look at the house and pick your preferred room

While you work hard for you special nerd child, seat him down and let him know that since he has completed the building project at home

That you guys needs to plan for the family to stay away from debt because the children are growing and needs attention and money

If he refuses, then he has another plan

lefemmechoclat:
Wht is everyone mentioning him remarrying?do you think am really bothered by that? Ok it's not up to me for him to be there for his kids...if he chooses to not so be it. I can't concern myself with his future. I do know my debts will be cleared and my kids set for atleast the next 21 years though.

We will both move on. The h9use isnt for me. I amcnot a Nigerian but i do know that even though that hime was built on my sweat it isnt in my name and ultimately his family will be inheriting it. I cant sell it. How many igbo women even inherit from their husbands? Lets stop that right now. If i was a woman that did this you all would be saying I should divorce as I am a disrespectful wife. I am not enduring betrayal anymore. The paperwork ks already done.