₦airaland Forum

No one on this earth is immune to temptation. You had yours and luckily for you you were able to overcome it. Do not let those people above judging you to make you feel bad. I'll only suggest you try to get closer to your husband and share in his interests

chioma134:
This post was triggered by an earlier post I saw where the poster was having long talks with his friend's wife. I've been in a similar situation. I changed location and had to be separate from my family due to work. I was lonely and needed a friend. I talk with my husband regularly, but his interests are not my interests, so I find that besides household and family matters, we have little else to talk about. I found myself talking to this guy I met when I went for an official assignment. We started as friends, but we became attracted to each other. So when I travelled back to base, we started these long conversations. We're both born-again Christians and both married, so we kept to certain boundaries. I enjoyed conversing with him more than with my spouse. I became consumed with thoughts of him. He also expressed his desire and attraction towards me, but we laughed over it as jokes.

My husband noticed the conversations when I travelled home and became suspicious. He forbade me from speaking with him. He had never seen me have long talks with any friend, talkless of a male one. I informed my friend and he said no problem, he would wait till I travelled back to work base before he would continue. He later travelled to meet his family and conversation became scanty. I realized how much I was addicted to him when I couldn't talk to him as much as I wanted. He returned to base and we continued like before.

I started praying for God to help me overcome these desires. Maybe he also felt the same, because for some reasons I don't know, he reduced the frequency of calls and chats drastically. I didn't try to find out why, just thought the time-off would help me clear out immoral thoughts. But I got hurt when he acted indifferent on one occasion when I felt he should have shown more care. I asked him about it and he pretended not to understand what I was talking about. I read the writing on the wall, and decided to play along. So I said "bye. It was nice meeting you." Part of me was grateful it ended, another part was wishing I could still be with him. I love my husband and children, I cannot come and scatter my home.

He thought I was joking. I was no longer responding to his chats, and when I did, only with monosyllables. He became hurt and accused me of going silent on him. I told him he started it. He wanted me to become defensive, but the Holy Spirit whispered "keep quiet ". So I allowed him rant without saying anything. I thank God I didn't, because I would have exposed how deep my true feelings for him were.

Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine". My feelings have healed and I thank God we didn't continue because I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from an affair if we had eventually had any physical contact. I can categorically say I'm no longer in love with him.

I penned these down for those struggling with similar situations. Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings.

Good one... You are sincere unlike some woke women in our generation

God has healed your feelings Eziokwu. I know the reason why you think you're free from that feeling is because you haven't had any physical contact with him since then. Please remember to update us when you guys finally smash because that will surely happen.

Yes, I'm a Christian, just not an examplary kind. But that's not the point and neither is your stone-based reply.

The point is simple: as simple as the four-lettered scriptural standard when dealing with lust -- flee!

Your continuous once-in-a-while PERSONAL "how are you" chats (not office/work related) with this waiting-in-the-wings adulterer doesn't look like fleeing, rather it looked like preserving the lust in the refrigerator (for who knows when hubby NEPA would break power transmission? You may just need something chilled on the side)

And here's another problem, the lustful feelings you talked about being common is more of a man's problem than a woman's. Men are far more prone to be moved by sight than women.

Being a married woman and a working class, you should have enough distraction from your domestic/maternal obligations coupled with your workload in the office.

So, keep your eyes to your office desk when at work and your thoughts with your husband and quit with the wander-lustful thoughts. All office related discussions ought to end during office hours. Your continuous chat with this man means the source of adultery still lurks within you.

chioma134:
Well, I suppose you're a Christian too. You should be conversant with Jesus' words when he told the crowd that came to stone the adulterous woman that "he that is without sin should cast the first stone." I'm no angel, I admit my faults. However, those lustful feelings I talked about are much more common than you think. You cannot prevent a bird from perching, but you can prevent it from building a nest on your head. Even you are not exempted if you are honest enough to admit it, except you're a eunuch.

Also, I have received forgiveness and there is now no condemnation for me in Christ Jesus. Therefore, I refuse to allow your "stone" to hit me. And I hope you have removed the log in your own eyes before coming to remove the speck in mine.

All the same, I kept his contact because we still work for the same organisation, and communication lines should be kept open.

Shalom

chioma134:
I changed location and had to be separate from my family due to work. I was lonely and needed a friend. I talk with my husband regularly, but his interests are not my interests, so I find that besides household and family matters, we have little else to talk about.

So what were you people talking about during courtship?

AjiBussu:
Don't worry your husband will also find a BORN-AGAIN woman that share similar interests with him. Hope you'd get to understand when you find out. Whats good for the gosse should be good for the gander

She has broken it off. What else do you want her to do again? Abi you did not read that part?

postmann:
In pure undiluted scriptural standard, you've committed adultery with him already. Just so you know that.

But rather more important is your very last paragraph of advice to other women who might be going through similar temptation as you. Here, let me quote you:

"Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings"

Now, here's the irony buried in the paragraph before last:

"Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine"

While you still keep the door ajar for prospective adultery with this same idiot, (most likely when you and hubby have a fight) you are advising other women going through similar challenge to cut off chats totally. You know the intention of this iniquitous pig and your own abominable longings and vulnerability towards him yet you still entertain his obviously probing "how are you's." You're still an unrepentant adulterer and you need counseling and deliverance before entertaining the idea of climbing that virtual pulpit you just did by preaching this sermon. And may GOD help your husband who's ignorant enough to permit that stupid work of yours that has no respect for matrimony to post you outside his location.

If men were God....

Fiscus105:
Ur write up didn't project you as born again sir, going by ur references , arrogancy is one of cananities that must be purged out from who claimed to be born again, arrogancy and self righteous reek all over ur body .

Learn how not to be judgemental as Jesus did during his earthly ministry.

Nobody, I insist nobody that cannot be tempted sir.

God bless you. I saw the comments and shook my head. There is NOBODY incapable of falling into temptation but God is plentiful in mercy. Though we abide in grace, it doesn't mean we should continue in sin. Jesus told the adulterous woman to "go and sin no more" because he knows that man is not infallible. He did not condemn her but rather exhorted her to repent. The OP recognized that she had fallen out of the way of righteousness and she retraced her foot steps. Who am I to condemn who God has not condemned?

Ishilove:
She has broken it off. What else do you want her to do again? Abi you did not read that part?

Men are very triggered by post like this and rightly so. Very hard to take a pinch of what they dish out daily.

Not surprised by the reactions.
I came here for it sef.

chioma134:
This post was triggered by an earlier post I saw where the poster was having long talks with his friend's wife. I've been in a similar situation. I changed location and had to be separate from my family due to work. I was lonely and needed a friend. I talk with my husband regularly, but his interests are not my interests, so I find that besides household and family matters, we have little else to talk about. I found myself talking to this guy I met when I went for an official assignment. We started as friends, but we became attracted to each other. So when I travelled back to base, we started these long conversations. We're both born-again Christians and both married, so we kept to certain boundaries. I enjoyed conversing with him more than with my spouse. I became consumed with thoughts of him. He also expressed his desire and attraction towards me, but we laughed over it as jokes.

My husband noticed the conversations when I travelled home and became suspicious. He forbade me from speaking with him. He had never seen me have long talks with any friend, talkless of a male one. I informed my friend and he said no problem, he would wait till I travelled back to work base before he would continue. He later travelled to meet his family and conversation became scanty. I realized how much I was addicted to him when I couldn't talk to him as much as I wanted. He returned to base and we continued like before.

I started praying for God to help me overcome these desires. Maybe he also felt the same, because for some reasons I don't know, he reduced the frequency of calls and chats drastically. I didn't try to find out why, just thought the time-off would help me clear out immoral thoughts. But I got hurt when he acted indifferent on one occasion when I felt he should have shown more care. I asked him about it and he pretended not to understand what I was talking about. I read the writing on the wall, and decided to play along. So I said "bye. It was nice meeting you." Part of me was grateful it ended, another part was wishing I could still be with him. I love my husband and children, I cannot come and scatter my home.

He thought I was joking. I was no longer responding to his chats, and when I did, only with monosyllables. He became hurt and accused me of going silent on him. I told him he started it. He wanted me to become defensive, but the Holy Spirit whispered "keep quiet ". So I allowed him rant without saying anything. I thank God I didn't, because I would have exposed how deep my true feelings for him were.

Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine". My feelings have healed and I thank God we didn't continue because I wouldn't have been able to stop myself from an affair if we had eventually had any physical contact. I can categorically say I'm no longer in love with him.

I penned these down for those struggling with similar situations. Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings.

as an aside, this is the flip side of marrying early before you have fully discovered yourself. it is what it is though. one can only have 100% in movies and novels. real ilfe you take what you get as long as it is not below 50%

Kobojunkie:
Like I said on another thread, not everyone have what I refer to as mental maturity to engage in these kinds of relationships for real.

Afam Deluxo?

I don't have a problem with keeping friends of the opposite sex as a married man or woman. The distance between you and your spouse and the excuse of incompatibility are the main issues here and not your friendship with the opposite sex. I see this a lot and wonder why people just love to deceive themselves.

Cheating is a deliberate act. Friendship or no friendship, you're never always going to be with people of the same sex. You will meet fine men and women, you will meet good public speakers, great writers, excellent political analysts. Okay fine, they speak better than your spouse, so what next?? Open your pyant??

You cannot tell people to cut off communication with the opposite sex because you're now married, please. That's a sign of irresponsibility, evidence of total lack of self-control and a red flag.

The excuses you sort of gave yourself are the issues. Establish the kind of communication you have with those friends with your spouse and you'll be fine. If you don't have sensible things in common to talk about, simply gossip and make stup!d jokes. Life is not that serious.

If that guy really want to bang you, it'll be very easy, thanks to the guy not you.

He that thinks he is standing should beware,
that he does not fall...Op Thank you for been honest...Leave the overzealous and " thou art worthy ones" to feel good about themselves.
Your post is enlightening...

oldienavie:
This was exactly the same thing going through my head, the type of people calling themselves Born again these days is shocking.
This is what Christianity has become, it has been very diluted.
Someone that should bury her head in shame and cry out for forgiveness, someone still keeping in contact with the same person she committed emotional adultery with is still proud to seat on the throne of advise.

I bet she is a "women leader" in church teaching young women.
Such a terrible and sad thing to read, that a wife and a mother can become so loose as to make themselves vulnerable to this point highlights how weak this person is spiritually.

As a born again person, your spiritual antenna ought to be able to spot these kind of things from a yard away.

Reminds me of a particular white girl in my church, I knew she loved me and I always avoided her, we were put in a group together and she eventually got my phone number, that was when the stalking began. But having a pre-knowledge of her intentions I already knew how to handle it.

By the way I am single, so I wonder when married people who claim to be christians and have loving families behave like goats on heat without self control.

It is a shame... spits

She corrected her mistake. You are still judging her.

@chioma134:

Thank God for His grace and your willingness to do the right thing.

@discussion generally: how do opposite sex become 'best friends' married or not?

Then you make it worse by having a opposite sex 'bestie' as a married person.

Growing up, there was a consciousness of conduct between men & women.

Non-lovers did not cross certain boundaries not to send the wrong signals or put themselves in compromising positions.

Today, anything goes and we have thrown caution to the wind.

I pray we return to the ancient path.

Ishilove:
She has broken it off. What else do you want her to do again? Abi you did not read that part?

I wonder. They still want to crucify her.

postmann:
In pure undiluted scriptural standard, you've committed adultery with him already. Just so you know that.

But rather more important is your very last paragraph of advice to other women who might be going through similar temptation as you. Here, let me quote you:

"Just cut off the relationship. Stop conversation, chatting, or physical contact. Then pray for God to help you overcome those lusty feelings"

Now, here's the irony buried in the paragraph before last:

"Right now, he chats once in a while, just general "how are you". I say "fine"

While you still keep the door ajar for prospective adultery with this same idiot, (most likely when you and hubby have a fight) you are advising other women going through similar challenge to cut off chats totally. You know the intention of this iniquitous pig and your own abominable longings and vulnerability towards him yet you still entertain his obviously probing "how are you's." You're still an unrepentant adulterer and you need counseling and deliverance before entertaining the idea of climbing that virtual pulpit you just did by preaching this sermon. And may GOD help your husband who's ignorant enough to permit that stupid work of yours that has no respect for matrimony to post you outside his location.

I hope you are really alright.

Sekoni003:
I have a rule; regardless of the bond or memories we used to share as friends of the opposite sex, once you get married, I tone down communication between us to the barest minimum. It's a hard choice but I'd rather not see myself as the man who ruined another man's home.

About about being close friends with already married women, that's another big NO for me. We are humans with feelings and emotions, not pre-programmed robots. Women especially tend to fall for someone who's always there to listen and be a shoulder to lean on and all that stuff. I've had several instances where I've had to subtly and politely decline a close friendship with married women. Your husband's shoulders should be more than enough for you to lean on. If you have problems, get a therapist. Muchísimas gracias

Just yesterday I was telling someone I have just one or two females I relate with because the ones I know are all married so communication automatically close except maybe to greet through WhatsApp status update on special occasions.

pocohantas:
Men are very triggered by post like this and rightly so. Very hard to take a pinch of what they dish out daily.

Not surprised by the reactions.
I came here for it sef.

Poco dem go still waylay you for road drag your wig

ireneidiva:
She corrected her mistake. You are still judging her.

I wonder. Awon deputy Jesus isonu. It remains for them to hijack the Book of Life and start rubbing out names.

Acidosis:
I don't have a problem with keeping friends of the opposite sex as a married man or woman. The distance between you and your spouse and the excuse of incompatibility are the main issues here and not your friendship with the opposite sex. I see this a lot and wonder why people just love to deceive themselves.

Cheating is a deliberate act. Friendship or no friendship, you're never always going to be with people of the same sex. You will meet fine men and women, you will meet good public speakers, great writers, excellent political analysts. Okay fine, they speak better than your spouse, so what next?? Open your pyant??

You cannot tell people to cut off communication with the opposite sex because you're now married, please. That's a sign of irresponsibility, evidence of total lack of self-control and a red flag.

The excuses you sort of gave yourself are the issues. Establish the kind of communication you have with those friends with your spouse and you'll be fine. If you don't have sensible things in common to talk about, simply gossip and make stup!d jokes. Life is not that serious.

For me, cutting off relationship with a married female friend is not because it might lead to anything on my part but because the husband might not trust either her or me enough to understand.

Acidosis:
I don't have a problem with keeping friends of the opposite sex as a married man or woman. The distance between you and your spouse and the excuse of incompatibility are the main issues here and not your friendship with the opposite sex. I see this a lot and wonder why people just love to deceive themselves.

Cheating is a deliberate act. Friendship or no friendship, you're never always going to be with people of the same sex. You will meet fine men and women, you will meet good public speakers, great writers, excellent political analysts. Okay fine, they speak better than your spouse, so what next?? Open your pyant??

You cannot tell people to cut off communication with the opposite sex because you're now married, please. That's a sign of irresponsibility, evidence of total lack of self-control and a red flag.

The excuses you sort of gave yourself are the issues. Establish the kind of communication you have with those friends with your spouse and you'll be fine. If you don't have sensible things in common to talk about, simply gossip and make stup!d jokes. Life is not that serious.

This bolded right here is the root cause of her straying.

As for the rest of your post, you are reminding me again why I started following you years ago. Too much sense

GloriousGbola:
as an aside, this is the flip side of marrying early before you have fully discovered yourself. it is what it is though. one can only have 100% in movies and novels. real ilfe you take what you get as long as it is not below 50%

Oga there is no flipside of marrying early. Do you want your brothers to call us evening newspaper?

The bolded,
Thank God you said growing up. Now, it is anything goes. Smh.

bukatyne:
@chioma134:

Thank God for His grace and your willingness to do the right thing.

@discussion generally: how do opposite sex become 'best friends' married or not?

Then you make it worse by having a opposite sex 'bestie' as a married person.

Growing up, there was a consciousness of conduct between men & women.

Non-lovers did not cross certain boundaries not to send the wrong signals or put themselves in compromising positions.

Today, anything goes and we have thrown caution to the wind.

I pray we return to the ancient path.

Ishilove:
Oga there is no flipside to marry early. Do you want your brothers to call us evening newspaper?

This applies to both men and women

Besides, I know you don't send those sexually frustrated sour grape incels who will resort to insults once their limp dick, weak arse game has failed.
You laugh at their pathetic insults and wash your hand s in their tears

Now that that is aside, I think you and I also have something to discuss

GloriousGbola:
This applies to both men and women

Besides, I know you don't send those sexually frustrated sour grape incels who will resort to insults once their limp dick, weak arse game has failed.
You laugh at their pathetic insults and wash your hand s in their tears

The imagery...

Now that that is aside, I think you and I also have something to discuss

Glorious gbola, I'm all ears

chioma134, take heart. he probably use and dumped you and GOD healed your heart. GOD will never allow repentant fornicator be put to shame.

Dont start what you cant finish

...

My sincere advice to all married men

This thing dey fear me on marriages o. How do wives cope with boring husband & how do husbands cope with boring wives?