₦airaland Forum

Godoverevery:
I want married men to help me understand this.
I noticed most of my friends who got married from 2017 till date become shadows of there real self after marriage.

I mean they become boring,less friendly, not social and not fun to be with few month after marriage.
Is there something that change a man life after marriage or is just a normal thing.
Like is marriage meant to kill the fun part of a man??

Am asking this because a very close friend of mine who got married last year August is also becoming a shadow of himself......he always moody this days, social life zero and I think something his heating him up from inside.....this was a fun guy and he was very happy about getting married to is wife but the man I see this days is not making me happy.

He was once told me had he known earlier he won't have got married but I felt it was just words of the lip because we were just having guys talks that day.

So married guys please help me clarify if my observation is right or just a normal thing.

Ay04z:
Lolz.... See u..... I just got. Married... Just like 7 months sha....
I can see majority of the comments here are like it is because of the financial responsibility dat make d a man to be very boring,
Lie.... But mind u... Wen a man got married if na d type wey love to mingle and drink beers with d guys... And carry olosho abt.... B4. He must first of all decide dat. Dat one don end already... If he want peace to reign.
Ur wife is ur closest padi....
And again. Marry ur type.. And also neva marry a jobless lazy Nigerian girl who doesn't want to try to huzle at all.. It will end in premium tears... Cheers...marriage sweet. For few people and i pray my. Own continue to be like dat...

Nazgul:
I'm afraid that your observations are on point cos I have the same observations as well.

The most recent was my cousin brother who got married in 2020 before the lockdown, as I'm writing this we barely talk these days, even to reply WhatsApp messages na war. And when he does it's one complain or the other, ranging from how things are hard and since I'm single and an only child, I should assist him financially, to how his wife has changed, to how their one year old child consumes food like an adult... etc.

To understand him much better, I decided to put myself in his shoes. I'm a single guy, I renewed my rent last month (April) and I sat down to calculate all my monthly expenses. Data, fuel, gotv/Netflix, electricity, security, LAWMA, feeding, gas, miscellaneous...etc.

My point is if a woman comes on board that budget would tripple cos kids would be expected, she might want you to open a business for her, courtesy of your pocket, she might come with her younger sister to help out whose training and welfare would be on you, she would sometimes want you to assist her family eg, parents, siblings writing exams, school fees, rent...etc.

Now while your expenses has tripled, your income most times remains the same or even lower, you would resort to borrowing just to sustain your home, of which she won't even appreciate cos according to her, it's not enough, other men out there like you are performing much better for their families. You would live all your life working to finance the home, even your own kids would be strangers to you and love her more when she buys them Christmas clothes from the money you gave to her. They would grow up loving her as a sweet mom and vow never to see her suffer. forgetting all the sacrifices and dreams you gave up just to give them a better life. After pondering through all these, I understood my cousin's situation much better.

If I'm to be honest there's nothing special about marriage, it's more or less like bondage for men. And benefits only the women. Marriages if you have noticed have have reduced greatly, there are so many guys in their 30s and even 40s who aren't even talking about settling down. Would you blame them....of course not.

Women these days aren't helping matters. They dump the larger chunk of the financial responsibility on the man in the name of men are the head so it's his responsibility to cater for the home. But what they don't understand is God created women as a helpmeet, meaning they're there to lessen the budern of the man and not to add to it.

Open any topic here on Nairaland and talk about responsibilities in the home. More than 99% of the female replies would be that it's the job of the man and the man alone.

Women need to change such mindset, cos it has killed and drained the honey of millions of marriages.

DKM123:
Yet, you men are the ones who hate feminist and bash them and wish they die.

Isn't this what feminist preach?

That a woman should focus on being financially independent and have thier own money.

Gender roles like men being in charge of the finance and women being in charge of the kitchen and homefront is not ideal in this modern day where the men are crying like little babies everywhere cos they can't handle the financial responsibility of a traditional family man.

Women should use that energy they use in praying that God should take them to thier husband's house to focus on making money...

Prettygirl200:
Envy u as what Envy u like u won't get married someday shey u want to grow old single or die single. U are boasting, I sorru for u.

sollolucci77:
When a man is married he obviously has responsibilities...theres too much on his plate to be having fun unlike when he was a bachelor..

Brownshoe:
no mind them, let marry jor, make that bicycle carry you come my house.

felong:
That's why I say local girl. If you want a baby mama don't look for and educated girl, look for someone that you're better than in every area and aspect of life. That way she will be more interested in the money you will settle her with than the child. And if you want to do it don't do it in a state you are living in go to another state and get a new SIM card, once you have your child dispose the Sim and return back to your state. She won't be able to trace or locate you.

Robertgreene1:
Interesting...but una too dey born born...that's just una problem 4 ds country...
A couple that can barely feed themselves..B4 u know it..Dem don drop one..two..three..four.......Tufiakwa!!...suffer no dey tire una?....

Prettygirl200:
Lol am not ready for marriage, before I will start thinking of marriage it will be 2028 or so

Robertgreene1:
Interesting...but una too dey born born...that's just una problem 4 ds country...
A couple that can barely feed themselves..B4 u know it..Dem don drop one..two..three..four.......Tufiakwa!!...suffer no dey tire una?....

Donaluta:
Funny enough women done run from this thread

Brownshoe:
chineke, i guess u are 14 now

DKM123 post=113349625 :
Yet, you men are the ones who hate feminist and bash them and wish they die.

Isn't this what feminist preach?

That a woman should focus on being financially independent and have thier own money.

Gender roles like men being in charge of the finance and women being in charge of the kitchen and homefront is not ideal in this modern day where the men are crying like little babies everywhere cos they can't handle the financial responsibility of a traditional family man.

Women should use that energy they use in praying that God should take them to thier husband's house to focus on making money...

Nazgul:
I'm afraid that your observations are on point cos I have the same observations as well.

The most recent was my cousin brother who got married in 2020 before the lockdown, as I'm writing this we barely talk these days, even to reply WhatsApp messages na war. And when he does it's one complain or the other, ranging from how things are hard and since I'm single and an only child, I should assist him financially, to how his wife has changed, to how their one year old child consumes food like an adult... etc.

To understand him much better, I decided to put myself in his shoes. I'm a single guy, I renewed my rent last month (April) and I sat down to calculate all my monthly expenses. Data, fuel, gotv/Netflix, electricity, security, LAWMA, feeding, gas, miscellaneous...etc.

My point is if a woman comes on board that budget would tripple cos kids would be expected, she might want you to open a business for her, courtesy of your pocket, she might come with her younger sister to help out whose training and welfare would be on you, she would sometimes want you to assist her family eg, parents, siblings writing exams, school fees, rent...etc.

Now while your expenses has tripled, your income most times remains the same or even lower, you would resort to borrowing just to sustain your home, of which she won't even appreciate cos according to her, it's not enough, other men out there like you are performing much better for their families. You would live all your life working to finance the home, even your own kids would be strangers to you and love her more when she buys them Christmas clothes from the money you gave to her. They would grow up loving her as a sweet mom and vow never to see her suffer. forgetting all the sacrifices and dreams you gave up just to give them a better life. After pondering through all these, I understood my cousin's situation much better.

If I'm to be honest there's nothing special about marriage, it's more or less like bondage for men. And benefits only the women. Marriages if you have noticed have have reduced greatly, there are so many guys in their 30s and even 40s who aren't even talking about settling down. Would you blame them....of course not.

Women these days aren't helping matters. They dump the larger chunk of the financial responsibility on the man in the name of men are the head so it's his responsibility to cater for the home. But what they don't understand is God created women as a helpmeet, meaning they're there to lessen the budern of the man and not to add to it.

Open any topic here on Nairaland and talk about responsibilities in the home. More than 99% of the female replies would be that it's the job of the man and the man alone.

Women need to change such mindset, cos it has killed and drained the honey of millions of marriages.

felong:
Marriage in this our generation does not favour men like a poster rightfully pointed out. That is why so many men are suffering and smiling. Just make your own money and enjoy, if pikin de hungry you give one local girl belley then settle her and carry your child. That's the best.

Olumighty123:
At some point, you'd get tired of living all by yourself too and maybe then you'd find you a woman and end it there

Ay04z:
Lolz.... See u..... I just got. Married... Just like 7 months sha....
I can see majority of the comments here are like it is because of the financial responsibility dat make d a man to be very boring,
Lie.... But mind u... Wen a man got married if na d type wey love to mingle and drink beers with d guys... And carry olosho abt.... B4. He must first of all decide dat. Dat one don end already... If he want peace to reign.
Ur wife is ur closest padi....
And again. Marry ur type.. And also neva marry a jobless lazy Nigerian girl who doesn't want to try to huzle at all.. It will end in premium tears... Cheers...marriage sweet. For few people and i pray my. Own continue to be like dat...

2braithe:
If he decides not to marry,does it mean he won't date women?

sollolucci77:
Comrade lower the vawulence

FalseProphet1:
By this time next year, there would no longer be marriages in Nigeria cos all the guys will realize that it's scam.

This I have seen.

Nazgul:
I'm afraid that your observations are on point cos I have the same observations as well.

The most recent was my cousin brother who got married in 2020 before the lockdown, as I'm writing this we barely talk these days, even to reply WhatsApp messages na war. And when he does it's one complain or the other, ranging from how things are hard and since I'm single and an only child, I should assist him financially, to how his wife has changed, to how their one year old child consumes food like an adult... etc.

To understand him much better, I decided to put myself in his shoes. I'm a single guy, I renewed my rent last month (April) and I sat down to calculate all my monthly expenses. Data, fuel, gotv/Netflix, electricity, security, LAWMA, feeding, gas, miscellaneous...etc.

My point is if a woman comes on board that budget would tripple cos kids would be expected, she might want you to open a business for her, courtesy of your pocket, she might come with her younger sister to help out whose training and welfare would be on you, she would sometimes want you to assist her family eg, parents, siblings writing exams, school fees, rent...etc.

Now while your expenses has tripled, your income most times remains the same or even lower, you would resort to borrowing just to sustain your home, of which she won't even appreciate cos according to her, it's not enough, other men out there like you are performing much better for their families. You would live all your life working to finance the home, even your own kids would be strangers to you and love her more when she buys them Christmas clothes from the money you gave to her. They would grow up loving her as a sweet mom and vow never to see her suffer. forgetting all the sacrifices and dreams you gave up just to give them a better life. After pondering through all these, I understood my cousin's situation much better.

If I'm to be honest there's nothing special about marriage, it's more or less like bondage for men. And benefits only the women. Marriages if you have noticed have have reduced greatly, there are so many guys in their 30s and even 40s who aren't even talking about settling down. Would you blame them....of course not.

Women these days aren't helping matters. They dump the larger chunk of the financial responsibility on the man in the name of men are the head so it's his responsibility to cater for the home. But what they don't understand is God created women as a helpmeet, meaning they're there to lessen the budern of the man and not to add to it.

Open any topic here on Nairaland and talk about responsibilities in the home. More than 99% of the female replies would be that it's the job of the man and the man alone.

Women need to change such mindset, cos it has killed and drained the honey of millions of marriages.

Prettygirl200:
Is that what u think I am 14? Really

sollolucci77:
No matter how blissful a marriage is...your married friends will always envy you because there are some certain things they can no longer do and place they cant go....just enjoy yourself my brother

Godoverevery:
I want married men to help me understand this.
I noticed most of my friends who got married from 2017 till date become shadows of there real self after marriage.

I mean they become boring,less friendly, not social and not fun to be with few month after marriage.
Is there something that change a man life after marriage or is just a normal thing.
Like is marriage meant to kill the fun part of a man??

Am asking this because a very close friend of mine who got married last year August is also becoming a shadow of himself......he always moody this days, social life zero and I think something his heating him up from inside.....this was a fun guy and he was very happy about getting married to is wife but the man I see this days is not making me happy.

He was once told me had he known earlier he won't have got married but I felt it was just words of the lip because we were just having guys talks that day.

So married guys please help me clarify if my observation is right or just a normal thing.

Nazgul:
Women these days aren't helping matters. They dump the larger chunk of the financial responsibility on the man in the name of men are the head so it's his responsibility to cater for the home. But what they don't understand is God created women as a helpmeet, meaning they're there to lessen the budern of the man and not to add to it.

Open any topic here on Nairaland and talk about responsibilities in the home. More than 99% of the female replies would be that it's the job of the man and the man alone.

Women need to change such mindset, cos it has killed and drained the honey of millions of marriages.

Robertgreene1:
Interesting...but una too dey born born...that's just una problem 4 ds country...
A couple that can barely feed themselves..B4 u know it..Dem don drop one..two..three..four.......Tufiakwa!!...suffer no dey tire una?....

Fairview1:
Fear not, two are better than one, for they have good rewards for their labour. That's not my handwriting, it's the Bible speaking.

drphantom:
Dear OP,

Saw your post and knew there would be a lot of negative comments.

The subject you have touched on has no simple answers but rest assured that some of use are enjoying our marriages.

Unfortunately there is a lot of misconceptions about what a marriage is and should be and the majority of naysayers got into marriage for the wrong reasons and without a good foundation.

It’s not about money though money is important. Igot married with a salary of 25k over a decade ago. My wife was making x10 of that yet stood by me and married me all the same. Now I make make much much more than her but our finance dynamics have not changed.

It’s not about sex though sex is important. We were celibate till our wedding night. That was our fidelity test. If one cannot hold body before marriage, it’s. It marriage that will magically make you develop the disciple and integrity to push away temptation after marriage.

It’s not about tit for tat or competition. We both work hard at giving our marriage 100%. Not all this 50:50 that people talk about nowadays. It’s a risk but true love will always be a risk. People will call you mugu but which one is better? Be a mugu and enjoy your life and marriage or join the caliber of men running to beer palours to avoid going home early because of marital issues.

We still both have fun and catch our trips however we can. Date nights. Movie nights. Time out without the kids. Etc.

Don’t get me wrong. We have had out challenges but the point is we weather storms together and our marriage gets better for it because we support each other.

There’s more I could say but I don’t have the time so let me try to end with this.

A marriage, ideally, is union of 2 equal parties (preferably friends) where both enter as a partnership where both are equal and respect each other as such nut both have different responsibilities and respect each other place.

Shared outlook on life and shared values are important.

I don’t club but I know married couples that club together even after kids.

Ima church but with an adventurous streak and my wife participates in my fun looking activities with me while I participate in her sedate little pleasures with her.

In all of these, communication (deep open and vulnerable conversations and not giving orders) and intimacy (a mental and spiritual connection NOT sex) and key.

A great marriage is heaven on earth. A bad marriage can be hell.

I hope this helps.

P.S.
Before the naysayers come for me, we have been married for close to 20 years , have loads of kids, don’t live in Lekki, don’t come from money, and work hard for what we have.