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Couples Not Staying Together - Family - Nairaland

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Couples Not Staying Together by Nobody: 10:12pm On Jul 05, 2022
Hello guys!

I need an opinion on issues concerning my marriage.

I got married two years ago, although left to me i would never have gotten married but i had to as the only son of my parent.

I live separately from my wife(a house i built, while i live in a rented place) and although we live in the same state but i can't just seem to live or co-exist peacefully with any other person other than myself.

My wife has really been on my neck lately, she came to my house last week with our child and refused to go back after a week. I am tired and i just wish to be alone please.

I am not a deadbeat dad, i give her 100k every month for food and utilities.

I just want to be left alone, i don't hate her, infact i appreciate all she does but i just love doing things on my own. I'll love my family structure to be this way, i mean coming home to visit my kids(when i have more) and wife every two weeks.

50 Likes 9 Shares

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by JBriel: 10:19pm On Jul 05, 2022
It's your personality no doubt. But thinking patterns, behavioral patterns are parts and parcels of our " individuality " we must all drop en-route marriage

The institution of marriage solicits giving up physical identity for couple identity. So, you're denying your wife what is rightfully hers by every right. Your company, your presence, your attention, your time.


Trust me I've seen many of how our intrinsic thinking patterns defrauds us to assume we can't do better, change, improve, do things differently but the truth is behaviors can be learnt. We can adjust and evolve.


You diagnosed the problems you have even in your words. " You just like to be alone " It is what forms after you've created a character around flawed ideologies and beliefs


You need therapy before you even connect with her. The ideas that forms this behavior must first be entangled so it stops isolating you and you learn new habits that shows you how to live, yes, how to truly live. How to be vulnerable, how to be open. How to love. How to feel again. How to feel worthy

If your feelings of unworthiness isn't resolved, even friendships would remain moribound and those thoughts have made you built a castle to imprison you in your thoughts, habits, behavioral patterns assuming the world is all evil that you need to shiled yourself from the world. Your thought patterns has imprisoned you



You need to be whole to love. You need to be whole to live. I recommend you find a long term behavioral coach to speak with. To take you by the hand and walk you into new pathways you can explore in life


Back to the issue of marriage. Marriage isn't just sexing. Marriage is " conjoining ". A man would cleave to his wife... Without cleaving, you're violating the marital institution my dear


Let go off whatever pains, heart breaks, dissapoinments that triggered the fear and behaviors that wants you imprisoned and start a new walk into a new path in life my dear.


Life is life. Life isn't all evil. Life can be what you create it to be for you



Everyone has limits, before you turn that woman into what you would regret, please find yourself and put yourself together

228 Likes 14 Shares

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by rickpat(m): 10:25pm On Jul 05, 2022
you have to start learning how to get used to her around you...money is not everything...the woman and your child have other needs.. emotional support,mental support,love and care...

bro I will be very honest to you,you are very very selfish...yes,you ain't ready to marry but you did so as an only son...so,you see,you are there(married) and according to you..you love and appreciate this woman for all she does...so how do you pay her?..with loneliness?..with partial absence from the life of her child?..c'mon bro face reality before you loose a good woman or she loses her patience or she turns into a monster you can't tame...

spend time with them...FIND THINGS YOU AND THEM CAN DO TOGETHER (games, movies etc)..go on a little vacation with them,where you will not think or respond to work or any of those stuffs you prefer to do when you are alone,I think that's a great way to start getting used to them....

I wish you the best,please bro don't destroy your family... there's a limit to the patience of your wife...good luck

110 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by Socratiz: 10:33pm On Jul 05, 2022
You choice to live your life alone must have some underlying roots which can only be explored in counselling sessions.

Your wife deserves physical and emotional support which marriage prescribes. You deny her this by staying away from her

You also have a child who needs a father who is present in her life.

I strongly advise you see a counsellor to help you revise your thought pattern about life.

37 Likes 1 Share

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by JBriel: 10:37pm On Jul 05, 2022
My final words soon: Trauma, Healing, Trauma-induced living BRB
Re: Couples Not Staying Together by Nobody: 10:43pm On Jul 05, 2022
Socratiz:
You choice to live your life alone must have some underlying roots which can only be explored in counselling sessions.

Your wife deserves physical and emotional support which marriage prescribes. You deny her this by staying away from her

You also have a child who needs a father who is present in her life.

I strongly advise you see a counsellor to help you revise your thought pattern about life.

Nothing triggered my aloness. In my early twenties i always wondered why i loved being alone until i saw my primary school report card where my teacher's remark was that i wasn't friendly. The only reason i try to act friendly now that i am grown is because of business deals.

10 Likes 1 Share

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by thorpido(m): 10:47pm On Jul 05, 2022
Jbriel has given up a perfect expose.Rickpat has added something brilliant too.

Your desire to be alone has underlying roots bordering on insecurity,fear,selfishness, unworthiness etc.You will need to deal with it.
Marriage isn't a bad thing.A good marriage does more good than being single.

16 Likes

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by VeryWickedMan: 10:51pm On Jul 05, 2022
Give me her number lemme warn her

47 Likes

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by Nobody: 10:51pm On Jul 05, 2022
thorpido:
Jbriel has given up a perfect expose.Rickpat has added something brilliant too.

You desire to be alone has underlying roots bordering on insecurity,fear,selfishness, unworthiness etc.You will need to deal with it.
Marriage isn't a bad thing.A good marriage does more good than being single.

You could say anything about me and be right, but unworthiness? I doubt bro.

3 Likes

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by thorpido(m): 10:57pm On Jul 05, 2022
KemeticPrince:


You could say anything about me and be right, but unworthiness? I doubt bro.
You're an introvert no doubt but introverts warm their way with familiar friends.
Were you friendly with your siblings?

3 Likes

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by JBriel: 10:59pm On Jul 05, 2022
KemeticPrince:


You could say anything about me and be right, but unworthiness? I doubt bro.


Smiles. Isolation = unworthiness bro. Pushing love away = unworthiness. Clinging to inviodualism = unworthiness bro

11 Likes 1 Share

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by JBriel: 11:00pm On Jul 05, 2022
KemeticPrince:


Nothing triggered my aloness. In my early twenties i always wondered why i loved being alone until i saw my primary school report card where my teacher's remark was that i wasn't friendly. The only reason i try to act friendly now that i am grown is because of business deals.


Let me guess.


You were a good science student. Infact an exceptional one


Your birth month is around September



Your soul is wrapped up and you need to unwrap. Yes, it may not be trauma induced and it may be how you're created. One must give room for this ideology.


One thing is certain like I said above, every human behavior can be unlearned. New habits can be developed. With this mindset, who and what is stopping you?

7 Likes 1 Share

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by HarunaWest(m): 11:02pm On Jul 05, 2022
KemeticPrince:
Hello guys!

I need an opinion on issues concerning my marriage.

I got married two years ago, although left to me i would never have gotten married but i had to as the only son of my parent.

I live separately from my wife(a house i built, while i live in a rented place) and although we live in the same state but i can't just seem to live or co-exist peacefully with any other person other than myself.

My wife has really been on my neck lately, she came to my house last week with our child and refused to go back after a week. I am tired and i just wish to be alone please.

I am not a deadbeat dad, i give her 100k every month for food and utilities.

I just want to be left alone, i don't hate her, infact i appreciate all she does but i just love doing things on my own. I'll love my family structure to be this way, i mean coming home to visit my kids(when i have more) and wife every two weeks.
Dont mind what those people up there are saying. You are perfectly normal. Infact you are over normal. I share similar attributes with you. However, since you are married, it can be controlled better. Lets start by doing this. How about you pick one room and turn that room to your fortress. This way you can reside in same apartment with your family, but your room is a no go area. In your room, you can have that alone moment that you seek. Truth is you should try and be present in a way when you are hitched.

47 Likes

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by Nobody: 11:03pm On Jul 05, 2022
JBriel:



Let me guess.


You were a good science student. Infact an exceptional one


Your birth month is around September



Your soul is wrapped up and you need to unwrap. Yes, it may not be trauma induced and it may be how you're created. One must give room for this ideology.


One thing is certain like I said above, every human behavior can be unlearned. New habits can be developed. With this mindset, who and what is stopping you?

What's this grin

I was born on the 28th of september.

28 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by JBriel: 11:04pm On Jul 05, 2022
KemeticPrince:


What's this grin

I was born on the 28th of september.

You're supposed to be a scientist. A medical or research scientist. This is the origin of the aloneness


Your hatred for chaos has seen you created a fortress for yourself so you can process things and life, keeping things at an arm's length. So you can control everything around and in your existence and you are never caught off guard


There are deeper things about your personality and this forms your behaviors and habits. I'm sure no one has told you these things this deeply. If I begin..hmmm... grin I'll stop here.


You must find a way to live with chaos and stop hating it with so much hatred.

16 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by Nobody: 11:05pm On Jul 05, 2022
thorpido:
You're an introvert no doubt but introverts warm their way with familiar friends.
Were you friendly with your siblings?

Not so close, i have five siblings and i am only intimate with one.

1 Like

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by Mindlog: 11:17pm On Jul 05, 2022
JBriel:
It's your personality no doubt. But thinking patterns, behavioral patterns are parts and parcels of our " individuality " we must all drop en-route marriage

The institution of marriage solicits giving up physical identity for couple identity. So, you're denying your wife what is rightfully hers by every right. Your company, your presence, your attention, your time.


Trust me I've seen many of how our intrinsic thinking patterns defrauds us to assume we can't do better, change, improve, do things differently but the truth is behaviors can be learnt. We can adjust and evolve.


You diagnosed the problems you have even in your words. " You just like to be alone " It is what forms after you've created a character around flawed ideologies and beliefs


You need therapy before you even connect with her. The ideas that forms this behavior must first be entangled so it stops isolating you and you learn new habits that shows you how to live, yes, how to truly live. How to be vulnerable, how to be open. How to love. How to feel again. How to feel worthy

If your feelings of unworthiness isn't resolved, even friendships would remain moribound and those thoughts have made you built a castle to imprison you in your thoughts, habits, behavioral patterns assuming the world is all evil that you need to shiled yourself from the world. Your thought patterns has imprisoned you



You need to be whole to love. You need to be whole to live. I recommend you find a long term behavioral coach to speak with. To take you by the hand and walk you into new pathways you can explore in life


Back to the issue of marriage. Marriage isn't just sexing. Marriage is " conjoining ". A man would cleave to his wife... Without cleaving, you're violating the marital institution my dear


Let go off whatever pains, heart breaks, dissapoinments that triggered the fear and behaviors that wants you imprisoned and start a new walk into a new path in life my dear.


Life is life. Life isn't all evil. Life can be what you create it to be for you



Everyone has limits, before you turn that woman into what you would regret, please find yourself and put yourself together

Well written, you wove through and captured what need to be said.

4 Likes

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by JBriel: 11:21pm On Jul 05, 2022
KemeticPrince:


What's this grin

I was born on the 28th of september.


When will you answer your higher calling and be more spiritually active in kingdom affairs ?

1 Like

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by Richy4(m): 11:33pm On Jul 05, 2022
I wanted to avoid this thread but I just want to ask some questions out of curiosity...

<<I believed that the tendencies of not wanting to get married and staying together didn't just spring out from the blues..It has always been your desire....So the question is When u were wooing her/ during courtship, did u explain to her openly that u were the type that needs your space...? That u don't think u can leave with a woman under the same roof/room.. did such discussion ever come up?

<< If u did and she agreed to your terms, what's the definition of this marriage of yours?... U are living in Jerusalem and she's living in Jericho, what are the terms and conditions? Can she welcome male visitors?.. is she permitted to date? Do u date other ladies? embarassed

10 Likes

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by anthonyuncle(m): 7:34am On Jul 06, 2022
you should've remained single.
now your desire to be called a good boy by your parents led you to getting an innocent girl into your sadistic life.

you worsened the situation by bringing a very angelic soul (that should have remained in heaven singing hossana) in the form of a child, into your pathetic life.

will all your properties to your wife and child,
go on an unending sorjourn in the desert, where you and the legions of demons that inhabit you will have the luxury of time and space to yourselves, until the hour comes for you to return to your home in hell fire to continue your hobby of gnashing of teeth.


nonsense

23 Likes

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by JovialJune(f): 8:24am On Jul 06, 2022
Why didn't you marry someone exactly like you? That would have been better.

21 Likes 1 Share

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by Klass99(f): 9:18am On Jul 06, 2022
smiley

36 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by YourHighTension: 9:23am On Jul 06, 2022
Did you both talk about this your preferred family structure before you got married?

Please don't give room for unwanted stories to come into your home.

You have spoken well of her so please, kindly consider your family.

2 Likes

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by Houseofglam7(f): 9:33am On Jul 06, 2022
Marriage is NOT FOR EVERYONE.

2 Likes

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by emmanuelbrown26: 9:48am On Jul 06, 2022
KemeticPrince:
Hello guys!

I need an opinion on issues concerning my marriage.

I got married two years ago, although left to me i would never have gotten married but i had to as the only son of my parent.

I live separately from my wife(a house i built, while i live in a rented place) and although we live in the same state but i can't just seem to live or co-exist peacefully with any other person other than myself.

My wife has really been on my neck lately, she came to my house last week with our child and refused to go back after a week. I am tired and i just wish to be alone please.

I am not a deadbeat dad, i give her 100k every month for food and utilities.

I just want to be left alone, i don't hate her, infact i appreciate all she does but i just love doing things on my own. I'll love my family structure to be this way, i mean coming home to visit my kids(when i have more) and wife every two weeks.
U gat no problem, d mistakes u made were
1. Bowing to family pressure to get married
2. Not telling your wife your nature
3. Not differentiating btw keeping d family lineage going and companionship, bcs I think what u needed was keeping d lineage going not marriage and some people are like that including me. I don't fancy marriage at all, I prefer contract, just born and I settle u.
As it is now, u don't hv any issue at all, don't mind those telling u to seek for help.
Human beings are different

5 Likes

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by Ulunne777(f): 10:05am On Jul 06, 2022
You should have remained unmarried or reach an agreement like havng a separate room instead of this.

Did you inform her of this arrangement before marriage?

It is my nature too but my hubby really understands when I need solitude.

To the dude up there,Why September cos I'm 25th too.Explain well

2 Likes

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by tayo60(f): 10:07am On Jul 06, 2022
Married but single

5 Likes

Re: Couples Not Staying Together by VeryWickedMan: 5:16pm On Jul 06, 2022

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