Aaaaarghmed:
You have already wasted her time.why did you lead her on.when you clearly know you dont like her.At a particular stage you should not be undecided about some crucial things,or are you still a teenager.because its teenager I know behave this way.

mastercook:
Not a tenager but in his mid tweenties

mastercook:
For a friend, I'm posting it here because I would need mature advice


2. This girl is very homely, we do see once a month and she would help with all the house chores, from laundry to cooking, I will even be the one telling her not to stress herself but she wouldn't hear me

Ishilove:

Toh.

Ladies, the girl is good the girl is a wife material, but it hasn't stopped the OP from contemplating dumping her homely, laundry washing and house cleaning ass.

A man who will love you unconditionally will do so without any kind of inducement.

Let us be wise

Ishilove:

Toh.

Ladies, the girl is good the girl is a wife material, but it hasn't stopped the OP from contemplating dumping her homely, laundry washing and house cleaning ass.

A man who will love you unconditionally will do so without any kind of inducement.

Let us be wise

pocohantas:


The Good Woman vs The Right Woman.

She is good by Nigerian standards, but not the right woman. Which is why I implore ladies to do that which seems right by them and their conscience.

That said, “his friend” is in his mid20s. He would dump ladies and he would be dumped too, normal normal. This cycle would continue until he is over 30.

Men don’t have sense until they are 32 and above. If you want to enjoy men, meet them in their 30s. That time when they are looking for quality women to marry.

izzou:


A woman who loves you unconditionally would still do all that too.

There's really no written rule for love, to be honest. When you love someone, you'll go so many extra miles for them

If only the OP was honest from the beginning,
it would have been fair

Ishilove:

Toh.

Ladies, the girl is good the girl is a wife material, but it hasn't stopped the OP from contemplating dumping her homely, laundry washing and house cleaning ass.

A man who will love you unconditionally will do so without any kind of inducement.

Let us be wise

oldienavie:

What does this mean ??
I know you are an intelligent person, but it appears this time you are only reading what you want to read and not what the op wrote so let me help you.

The OP is not moving on from the lady because the lady is homely, the OP is moving on from the lady because "She is not beautiful" in his own words.
As a matter of fact, the OP is attracted to the lady and undecided because the lady is homely otherwise he wouldn't have had a problem ditching her and moving on.
The only reason the OP feels a sense of guilt is because the lady is homely and hardworking .

@op let me share my story with you, it's quite similar to yours.
I am probably 10 years older than you, I moved abroad in my very early 30s, at the time, I had a choice of women to marry but I didn't want to rush into marriage.
Do I regret it ? I couldn't tell.
I lived abroad and while I saw a lot of women, I couldn't bring myself to marry anyone of them.
I also got connected to lots of homely women, just like this one, but I had to come back to naija to get a wife.

Looking back now, there was a lady I should have married before I travelled out or at least committed her to a relationship despite that she really wanted me, but just like you are thinking now.. .I knew I could always get a girl, but know this, sometimes you would wait for years to meet some types of ladies.

From my little experience, pretense is one of the things Nigerian ladies are good at, and 97% of Nigerian women are not worthy of the bride price, so you are going to be hoping to get someone in the 3% and hope that she loves you.

Educational level can always be worked on, physical appearance would not make much difference, most women look fat after 3 kids any way, so if you because of these ephemeral things thinking you will get a good woman abroad leave a decent girl, you might get another girl but it might take time and you might pay a huge price for it.

In my own case, I left great opportunities abroad and returned to Nigeria, that was the price I paid for not getting married to a good woman I met when I was younger, did I eventually get a good woman ? Yes... but it cost me a lot.

To get a great woman in Nigeria or anywhere today is like looking for a needle in a haysack, if you find one, count yourself lucky, very lucky.

I wish you goodluck.

pocohantas:


Well said. I am of the opinion that whatever you do for a loved one while the going was good was because you know they needed it and felt they deserve it. I don’t ever regret such.

If I were the girl, it honestly won’t stop me from cooking for the next guy. It is just food. He would eat it and shit ba? One thing is for sure, if he sits in his quiet time, he would definitely remember her…

oldienavie:

What does this mean ??
I know you are an intelligent person, but it appears this time you are only reading what you want to read and not what the op wrote so let me help you.

The OP is not moving on from the lady because the lady is homely, the OP is moving on from the lady because "She is not beautiful" in his own words.
As a matter of fact, the OP is attracted to the lady and undecided because the lady is homely otherwise he wouldn't have had a problem ditching her and moving on.
The only reason the OP feels a sense of guilt is because the lady is homely and hardworking .

pocohantas:


The Good Woman vs The Right Woman.

She is good by Nigerian standards, but not the right woman. Which is why I implore ladies to do that which seems right by them and their conscience.

That said, “his friend” is in his mid20s. He would dump ladies and he would be dumped too, normal normal. This cycle would continue until he is over 30.

Men don’t have sense until they are 32 and above. If you want to enjoy men, meet them in their 30s. That time when they are looking for quality women to marry.

Ishilove:

I am going to ignore your subtle insult because I am in a mellow mood.

The girl in question is the op's rebound girl and now that he has healed and wants to move abroad, he is now fussing about all her 'faults' that have been present from the outset. All her housemaid duties has not succeeded in glossing over her perceived shortcomings in the op's eyes.

Ishilove:

True, which is why the ones below this age range are majorly the ones populating the romance section and polluting the atmosphere with their senselessness

izzou:


A woman who loves you unconditionally would still do all that too.

There's really no written rule for love, to be honest. When you love someone, you'll go so many extra miles for them

If only the OP was honest from the beginning,
it would have been fair

Ishilove:

True, which is why the ones below this age range are majorly the ones populating the romance section and polluting the atmosphere with their senselessness

Ishilove:

this your font colour choice dey give person migraine...

That being said, there indeed is no written rule for love, but many times many women make the mistake of giving boyfriends wife benefits. This op has wasted her time and is now looking for excuses not to continue with the 'relationship'.

I am so used to the font colour. No vex

It happens both ways. She's just unfortunate to have met a guy that wasted her time.

Some guys assume fatherly and husband roles too. Some sponsor their girlfriends through school, offer financial assistance and all that. It's all love.

The girl is just unlucky to have met an unserious person. She didn't make a mistake by making those sacrifices

pocohantas:


As they should. We would be patiently waiting for when they start seeking quality women.

Agaracha must come back.

kkins25:

Ishilove:

Haaaa, you just brought back memories. My former lecturer Dr Karen, a very beautiful Caribbean woman married to an Igbo man contributed to an anthology of Biafran wartime stories and her very interesting entry 'Agaracha Must Come Home' was a focal point in an English language elective I did in 200 level.

Time flies

sisisioge:
Hmmmm....at the end of it all, it's always all about what's in it for us!

Biko enough of the selfishness, let her go. Dont tie her down here as insurance for if you do not find what you want in the diaspora. Biko don't do that to her. You will find someone and she would seem even more below your standard by then. Please be kind and let her go. May God carry wahala comot our dormot.

She was conveniently your rebound and now you're considering using her as an insurance! Chai! May we never be used!

pocohantas:


Oh yea? And they were resident in Nigeria?
That is really cool.

oldienavie:

What does this mean ??
I know you are an intelligent person, but it appears this time you are only reading what you want to read and not what the op wrote so let me help you.

The OP is not moving on from the lady because the lady is homely, the OP is moving on from the lady because "She is not beautiful" in his own words.
As a matter of fact, the OP is attracted to the lady and undecided because the lady is homely otherwise he wouldn't have had a problem ditching her and moving on.
The only reason the OP feels a sense of guilt is because the lady is homely and hardworking .

@op let me share my story with you, it's quite similar to yours.
I am probably 10 years older than you, I moved abroad in my very early 30s, at the time, I had a choice of women to marry but I didn't want to rush into marriage.
Do I regret it ? I couldn't tell.
I lived abroad and while I saw a lot of women, I couldn't bring myself to marry anyone of them.
I also got connected to lots of homely women, just like this one, but I had to come back to naija to get a wife.

Looking back now, there was a lady I should have married before I travelled out or at least committed her to a relationship despite that she really wanted me, but just like you are thinking now.. .I knew I could always get a girl, but know this, sometimes you would wait for years to meet some types of ladies.

From my little experience, pretense is one of the things Nigerian ladies are good at, and 97% of Nigerian women are not worthy of the bride price, so you are going to be hoping to get someone in the 3% and hope that she loves you.

Educational level can always be worked on, physical appearance would not make much difference, most women look fat after 3 kids any way, so if you because of these ephemeral things thinking you will get a good woman abroad leave a decent girl, you might get another girl but it might take time and you might pay a huge price for it.

In my own case, I left great opportunities abroad and returned to Nigeria, that was the price I paid for not getting married to a good woman I met when I was younger, did I eventually get a good woman ? Yes... but it cost me a lot.

To get a great woman in Nigeria or anywhere today is like looking for a needle in a haysack, if you find one, count yourself lucky, very lucky.

I wish you goodluck.

On the contrary me finding the point of your essay is looking for a needle in a haystack.

You left a good woman, you came back from the states to marry a good woman. Surprisingly both are Nigerians but they are like searching for a needle in a haystack.

Your confusion is confusing my confusion.

Persephone1:
A man will only choose who he wants. Never force it.

Dear op, kindly inform your friend who suffered brief dyslexia during the "chatting" time only to be healed now that's he's going out of the country to let the Ibadan babe go.

We Ibadan ladies no vex ooo . We will accept our sister and help nurse her heart.

Katikati