₦airaland Forum

Ebubu3:
I am not justifying him asking you to leave every slight instance but you must be a troublesome woman, I've dated your type. Learn to prevent quarrels.

You display a bad attitude and get angry over how he manages it. Why will you be taking substance that makes you to misbehave Ma ? If at the point you woke up from your yeye sleep and re-asked him for the money, I'm sure he would have been more considerate if you were lenient in your approach, but no you must have said something annoying or tried to put up an attitude.

Please stop taking highness substance and stop being quarrelsome, your husband must have tired to put up with your attitude.

Richy4:
<< You mean you were trying to pass out or u passed out infront of your spouse and he was just looking at u? ... And u said he's a wonderful husband?...
I will quickly double check the meaning of wonderful in a sec. Just incase the meaning has changed
<< Where una dey find these kind men wey shame dey gree fight come outside for neighbours to see?..... Again Which eyes una take dey look the neighbours that separated u guys?..

ImaIma1:
So the husband is perfect? Doesn't she have to put up with his own attitude?

Please let's stop this bias. Some of you must think that a husband should be held high up and is beyond reproach. He too must act responsible. What responsible man comes home at 2am? Did he apologize?

But you didn't see all this. Learn to be objective with the information available.

ImaIma1:
He has been indulged over time, that's why he can act so unruly and intimidate his wife. Wonderful husband indeed.

That wonderful took me off balance ...I like the fact that she wanted to make her marriage work but One has to be alive first to do that.

ImaIma1:
So the husband is perfect? Doesn't she have to put up with his own attitude?

Please let's stop this bias. Some of you must think that a husband should be held high up and is beyond reproach. He too must act responsible. What responsible man comes home at 2am? Did he apologize?

But you didn't see all this. Learn to be objective with the information available.

kayperry:
i don't think a one sided story is potent enough to resonate "objectivity, and i am sure if OP had booked a therapy session, the therapist would av appeal to hear both couple out because that is the only way to discern the required truth, women are suckers for empathy, there will be spices & maggi here n there however we get the message " Men are scum "
with information available is the situation redeemable or not

ImaIma1:
That's why I said "with the information available".

It is no news that guys on this forum are bias when it comes to stories from women. If a man had come with complaints from his wife, most guys would condemn the wife without asking to hear her side.

Just like you have already concluded that she's only trying to get empathy, rather than seeing that she may actually need advice.

kayperry:
Really ! maybe men are bias becos we don't trust women won't act like women, spices is a must thats not bias besides how do you intend to concieve " objective" without fairness

The man has anger issues no doubt, buh i believe there is an unresolved underline cause that needs to be unraveled or shared by the man, if "solution" is the objective here someone needs to talk deep with the man, probably someone he looks up to.

ImaIma1:
Even if that supposed underlying cause leads to being beaten? For me, beating is a deal breaker.

Men are bias because they don't trust women? Really! Do you think women trust men? Men also have faults that you cannot see because you are one, and one who doesn't realize it.

Or you think men are just straight up with no fault and "spices" too. Men are also known to decorate their story to appeal to their kind.

The problem with this forum is that we always make everything a gender thing. Everything!

kayperry:
you need to be objective to get my point, from a man's perspective when there is a problem the logical thing to do to troubleshoot, domestic violence is a defect applicable to M/F.

The problem with "our conversation" is that you keep casting aspersions base on the forum, its not like you hear me what happens to objective

kayperry:
you need to be objective to get my point, from a man's perspective when there is a problem the logical thing to do to troubleshoot, domestic violence is a defect applicable to M/F.
however i think Op situation is not a hopeless situation it just depends on how she goes about it, moreover the man also needs to be engaged, something deep within is making him misbehave, the wife should think of someone that can make him vent out cos i doubt he will open up to the wife
The problem with "our conversation" is that you keep casting aspersions base on the forum, its not like you hear me what happens to objective

ImaIma1:
You want me to be objective in understanding a point that you were not objective making . You are a funny one.

Are you married?

kayperry:
LOL ! i knew i was asking for tew much, just had to confirm
maybe i am not objective buh btw you & i, am the one profounding solutions while you are busy searching my closet, all you will find is dirty tommy hilfiger boxers i did not wash because of people that will ask for it

MRS asides divorce what other solution do you have for Op, i missed that

ImaIma1:
I already gave her my 2 cents.

It is tiring and becoming cliche for guys to assume, blame and jump into conclusions when it is a woman who brings her problems here. Empathy and objectivity flies out the window.

Meanwhile if your own sister comes to you and tells you her husband does the same thing, you won't take it lightly.

I asked if you were married because some single people are good at giving advice for something they are clueless about. They always think they know until they know.

kayperry:
LOL ! buh why are women like this, you keep doling the same approach, you are more concerned about nairaland boyz even than Op, so much for women supporting women

Don't do that, don't mix empathy with objectivity it only depict fairness means lil or nothing to you.

If my lil sister is in Op situation, i am 100% sure, i won't ask her to move out .... i will troubleshoot and profer lasting solutions, if after exhausting all options the man is irrredeemable the ball is in her court to stay or exit, i won't make choice for an adult.

Madam do i sound clueless

Pinkie2018:
I just tire. We courted for a year plus before marriage. He has this attitude of 'if you are tired pack and go" which makes me wonder if he was really ready for marriage. But I'm just trying to make my marriage work. He doesn't understand that misunderstanding and quarrel is inevitable in marriage but how you manage it matters. Every little issue, insults and threats

kayperry:
LOL ! buh why are women like this, you keep doling the same approach, you are more concerned about nairaland boyz even than Op, so much for women supporting women

Don't do that, don't mix empathy with objectivity it only depict fairness means lil or nothing to you.

If my lil sister is in Op situation, i am 100% sure, i won't ask her to move out .... i will troubleshoot and profer lasting solutions, if after exhausting all options the man is irrredeemable the ball is in her court to stay or exit, i won't make choice for an adult.

Madam do i sound clueless

Mindlog:
Assuming what OP posted is exactly what your sister told you about her marriage, please do share how you intend troubleshooting and proferring lasting solutions.

kayperry:
1st step, scrutnize my lil sis to be double sure she is telling the real truth with no exaggerations

2nd step, fix an appointment with her hubby, with no sign of judgment, the purpose is to make him feel he stands a fair hearing

3rd step ... listen to him objectively

4th step, put my intuition into use to discern if my sister resents him or if something from his past triggers him, if it is the latter he needs therapy

Altho some people are just mad buh anger issues most times comes from an unhealed scar, the toughest job in anger management is to get patient to unveil their scar, hence why its a job for experts

Mindlog:
Love the way you outlined it.

If you sense something from his past triggers him and you encourage him to seek therapy but he adamantly refuses, claiming nothing is "wrong" with him.......what could possibly be the next step?

kayperry:
Willingness is key, you can't save a partner that is not willing to be saved ...

if he is adamant, without minicing words let him know its either he seeks help or as a partner you walk.

note: that he threaten OP to leave all the time is enough clue that is what he fears the most

Mindlog:
I am learning psychology of personality.

kayperry:
i guess this is the part you ask for my acc details you wire my aza i say thank you

we share our goodbyes

DestinyGlory:
I’m reading this story and I’m so nervous. My partner of 5 years demonstrates almost everything mentioned. On the bad side, he insults me when angry & he has hit me once because I took his phone (although this hasn’t happened again). He used to ask me to leave his house in the past after an argument. But he stopped doing that. He also doesn’t let me touch his phone. But on the good side, he’s very hardworking, kind, intelligent & has integrity. It would have been easier to walk away but we had done a secret court wedding in 2019 and our parents & friends don’t know about it. We dont live together or have any children. But if I leave I would have to get a divorce which is against my faith & I’m already 28. I’ve now walked away from him for 3 months now. He’s now saying he’s ready to do a proper marriage and involve our families (he had been procrastinating), has gone for anger management classes and says he will no longer hide his phone because he has seen that what he was doing was wrong & is a changed man. Im so scared to go back because there is no way of knowing if this is true, but I don’t have any better prospects being single either. And I’ll also be a divorcee.

DestinyGlory:
We have never lived together and don’t have any children. Our lives are separate just like we are still dating. But if I leave I would have to get a divorce which is against my faith & I’m already 28. I’ve now walked away from him for some months now. He’s now saying he’s ready to do a proper marriage and involve our families (he had been procrastinating), has gone for anger management classes and says he will no longer hide his phone because he has seen that what he was doing was wrong & is a changed man. Im so scared to go back because there is no way of knowing if this is true, but I don’t have any better prospects being single either. And I’ll also be a divorcee.