Just wake up around 5am.. cook for them, prepare them for sch.. I think the 6yrs old shud know how to birth already. It will reduce your stress... Take them to sch.. when it's closing hour, tell them to report back to your shop.. when it's 6pm.. you and your children close... And get ready for the next day. Na like that my dad do our own.. and all of us don grow now.. you don't need any woman to take care of your kids for you, else she will maltreat them.

Irupetepete:
I called her this night and she said no problem I can have them... I just need tips on how to cope with them... I know it's not gonna be easy but it is a duty and challenge am ready to face

safarigirl:


I'm not trying to be useful to him.

I'm telling him that things are very easy theoretically.

He should try it by himself, advice dey sweet to give, but the practicality of it is different.

Has he even stayed with his kids for a week or two first? You don't know some things you will try it for a short time, before you do it long term.

He should take the kids for two weeks first, and try to care for them alone, not leave them with family. That experience will give him a better idea of what to do moving forward.

But once again, if somebody is taking their kids to the work place, it is because they have no support at home.

Now here (bolded text) is an advice, and a good one at that. You're right, he may need practical insight and that will position him for the best course of action to take moving forward. Well done.

Irupetepete:
I called her this night and she said no problem I can have them... I just need tips on how to cope with them... I know it's not gonna be easy but it is a duty and challenge am ready to face

My brother I can relate. It's not going to be easy for you at all, but trust me you can do it. I face the same challenge when my kids are just 2and 4 years; it's not funny o, the stress of something else. Let me give you my advice and leave my own story. If your mom is still alive and capable of taking care of them, then I advice you to take them to her, and If she's not, look for any of your relatives/Nice to come and help you. Sorry for what you are passing through.

Irupetepete:
I called her this night and she said no problem I can have them... I just need tips on how to cope with them... I know it's not gonna be easy but it is a duty and challenge am ready to face

Enrol them in a good school and after school progeams. If you camt find a reasonable after school program, then enrol them in a lesson. That way, their day ends at about same time as yours.

When you get home, engage them in conversations as you all prepare dinner. That way, you get to know them more and create a great bond. Most importantly, do not spare the rod (this doesn't mean beating) by trying to over compensate. You could use talks, warnings, strikes, then beating to help them remember all you have been saying regarding any issue that need correction.

Remember, no one else can instill your values in them and no one else can love them more than you and your ex.

Above all, trust God to lead you.

Why waste your energy replying that guy

Irupetepete:

1) I send her weekly upkeep... Aside money for clothes for the kids and provisions...

2)she told me point blank in one of our conversations that she doesn't really have time cos she almost every time does night shift, the reason she takes the kids to her work place...
Her mother doesn't have time....
Her siblings just finished secondary school, one learns hair dressing and comes home around 7pm...

3)we've been together for 10yrs plus now before the separation.... She believe she deserve better, I can't force her to like what she hates and have moved on too.
How can kids which have their beds here now sleep on mat?

Problem no dey finish

NezzyMike:




Normal narratives...we men Sabi paint hardworking women bad sha. OP it's not easy to care for children of that age and not also advisable to leave them with a nanny that can abuse them tomorrow. Leave them with their mother for now till they enter secondary school, at least will be alil independent by then.

she no get time to care for them... The kids made the decision not to go to her again..

Kobojunkie:
So because a 6-year old has what seems great handyman skills, you think the mother is not doing a good job raising her kids? There has to be more than this as reason why you feel you can do a better job.

Are you simply trying to tear the kids away from their mother because you assume you can do a better job or why exactly are you suddenly trying to take charge?

What exactly are you saying? The red flags are there. Your kid of that tender age sleeping in a hotel should be of concern to you as a dad, if u are worthy of that name dad. For God's sake, she's single and gets hits from sundry men!!!

Abi o... Awon agba Oro dun... Gboro mi de le Ru.

ObaOfYorubaLand:


Leave the mans private life. Contribute to the area he needs advice and dont interfere in his personal affair.

Rozross:
I’ll understand, let us read about it so we can give you the best advise. Are you with another woman already? But you are not the poster

You just want gist. You don't need the details of separation to offer advice to the OP.

Unless you have money for a GOOD daycare centre you will hear it. I work from home and it has been something else. The six year old comes in like clockwork during meetings. Daddy iam hungry. Daddy turn on TV, daddy I need x

Irupetepete:

1) I send her weekly upkeep... Aside money for clothes for the kids and provisions...

2)she told me point blank in one of our conversations that she doesn't really have time cos she almost every time does night shift, the reason she takes the kids to her work place...
Her mother doesn't have time....
Her siblings just finished secondary school, one learns hair dressing and comes home around 7pm...

3)we've been together for 10yrs plus now before the separation.... She believe she deserve better, I can't force her to like what she hates and have moved on too.
How can kids which have their beds here now sleep on mat?

Op please forget this Nairaland people most of them are kids, you’ve table your problem very well and you need solutions not all this unnecessary questions.
My take is ; since you’ve taken the decision .
If you have a family female relative who can take care of your kids bring her in and direct want you need be since you will come back home from work to meet them.
At the end of the month give her little stipends, when you’re free take them to children park so they feel cherished like other kids.

Sad,,I hate when kids suffer for what they didn't cause.

Rozross:
Tell your wife to quit her hotel job. You are even a single dad sef, what caused your separation from their mom?

Now that you realize they are separated , does your advice still apply? Even if it did , have you thought about how they will cope when She leaves that job?

brandsoncharlie:

Op please forget this Nairaland people most of them are kids, you’ve table your problem very well and you need solutions not all this unnecessary questions.
My take is ; since you’ve taken the decision .
If you have a family female relative who can take care of your kids bring her in and direct want you need be since you will come back home from work to meet them.
At the end of the month give her little stipends, when you’re free take them to children park so they feel cherished like other kids.

sometimes when I eat good food and remember how my kids are living, I loose appetite

safarigirl:


Male househelp?

One of the kids is a girl o.

Una wan keep una children with people you cannot vouch for, even the relatives sef, do you know how many kids were molested by a relative?

Funny how I assumed the kids were male kids. Like someone rightly wrote up there, since he's running his own business he has more control over his time. He should be able to give his kids more attention without jeopardising his source of income

Go to court and file for custody

You are not financially stable,why you come marry?

When i read some comments of my fellow gender here, i begin to wonder whether they are mother's or can ever know how to mother children.

Op pls take your children, report to the welfare and train them. You can do better than her

All these could have been avoided if you married right..
I really feel so sad reading your write up God will see you through

Irupetepete:
My kids are being trained in an hotel.. Their mum works in an hotel and he takes the kids there to sleep, then he dress them up from their to school...

The kids went for holiday with my mom and you can't believe a 6 yrs old already knows how to loose a door key with a knife...
She doesn't have time for the kids and I, though am not really financially stable, I can still cater for them...

I need advice how I can take care of 2kids age 6 and 4, a boy and a girl...

I go out to work around 8 and come back around 6:30pm but I can always close around 6 cos it is my business...

For single fathers taking care of their kids, I need tips pls... Sometimes, they not staying with me and knowing the condition those kids are breaks my heart... I stay in a 2bedroom apartment with every amenities intact....

Pls help a brother.... I love my kids.... I and their mom have irreconcilable diffs...

my bros your dnt love your kids I mean it,I m a single dad too I m the one that take care of my kids , and I work for someone and I have two kids too a boy and girl, the boy is 7 when there mom left and the girl is 5 , is all about determination, because the future of those kids matter , please take responsibility of your kids so that you will not cry � in future because of you guys mistake

Kobojunkie:
So because a 6-year old has what seems great handyman skills, you think the mother is not doing a good job raising her kids? There has to be more than this as reason why you feel you can do a better job.

Are you simply trying to tear the kids away from their mother because you assume you can do a better job or why exactly are you suddenly trying to take charge?

Kobo don't always be the aggressive minority.

Be reasonable. What business does a 6-year-old have learning how to pick a lock? Great handyman skills indeed.

Sleeping hotels?? Which are usually a den of immorality in Nigeria??


Would you be happy for your kids to be in that situation?

Yankiss:
What exactly are you saying? The red flags are there. Your kid of that tender age sleeping in a hotel should be of concern to you as a dad, if u are worthy of that name dad. For God's sake, she's single and gets hits from sundry men!!!

She works in a hotel does not mean the hotel is a brothel.

And even if she is an ashawo in the hotel, she is a mother and her duty is to make sure she provides and caters to her kids any way she can. That is her job as a parent. Would you rather she sit back and turn beggar because a hotel is red-flag as far as raising kids? As for the dad, na today she begin dey raise them for the hotel? He wants to take the kids, that's good but that doesn't mean she has been a terrible parent to them until now.

Also, the man is equally single and probably hit on by "sundry" women so does that make him a terrible father?

Kobojunkie:
Is his schedule any busier than that of the woman's schedule in this case?

Our neighbor, growing up in Ikorodu, was a single dad who raised all 5 children - the first child was not even his - by himself. He had a job so he could both support and raise them. He bathed and got them all ready for school in the morning and came straight home after work, raising all those fine kids all by himself, and this was back in the 1980s/1990s in that same Nigeria. Are you saying this man somehow didn't get this memo of yours that fathers are not meant to take care of their kids?

This is 2022, there are some things that should never be mentioned ever again abeg!

This scenario is one out of how many?
We let the western culture becloud our own way of life.

Simple social studies of junior secondary school will make you know gender and parental roles.
All those bathing kids, changing baby diapers, domestic chores e.t.c are majorly the role of the mother.The husband can only assist the wife.
The husband too has his own roles where the mother can only assist.

How many times did your own grandfather sweep,wash dishes,go to market to buy foodstuffs,bath kids e.t.c while your grandmother was available and healthy(when they both were not aged)??

Advision:
Madam-the-madam, picking locks is handyman skills for a 6 years old?

For a 6-year old to pick up such skills at that age may mean He is a MacGyver in process.

Kobojunkie:
Questions for you...

1. have you ever paid her some sort of child support before now to help with care for your children or have instead expected her to shoulder the cost all by herself till now??

2. She may not be making enough to afford a better situation for her kids but that doesn't mean she is not a capable mother though. You mention she lives with her mother so does grandma not like being with the kids or something that she has to take them to work with her?

3. More importantly, where you previously married to this woman and are you legally able to pursue what you intend, of course with her sign-off or are you simply attempting here to suggest that since you have a two bedroom apartment with amenities, that you will make a better parent?,

what sort of stupid questions have u been asking... I know u are a woman...dey got just chicken brain....if u are a single mother ur advice is not needed so keep quiet...

SmartyPants:
Kobo don't always be the aggressive minority.

Be reasonable. What business does a 6-year-old have learning how to pick a lock? Great handyman skills indeed.

Sleeping hotels?? Which are usually a den of immorality in Nigeria??
Would you be happy for your kids to be in that situation?

I don't know how to pick my own locks and so it costs me over $150 to call a locksmith everytime I loose my keys. Here is a 6-year old child who has learned such a valuable skill at a small age and you can't seem to see the good side of it which is that this kid has a bright future ahead of him if properly nurtured?

As for hotels being a den, na wa for una. Na people papa and mama with dem kids they run those hotels. Not all hotels are dens even in that very Nigeria.

Also, according to OP, the woman dey bath, and feed her children for that hotel. Would you rather she send them out to beg in the streets instead because according to you, kids should not not raiser in a hotel?

Parents have to do what parents have to do to feed and cloth their ward... it is their responsibility. So it does not matter whether she has to do ashawo feed and raise her kids, so long as she made the decision to be a parent, her duty is to make sure they are cared for no matter how. Her way is the way which happens to work for her. Op only now realizes he can do better for some reason. Doesn't mean she has been doing a mighty terrible job before now.

Mindlog:


He posted the woman is willing to give him custody of the children, now he is asking for advice on how he can take care of 2kids age 6 and 4, a boy and a girl...

Alright then.

He should get a house help..

And allow for Co-parenting.

Irupetepete:
I am not impersonating anyone.... It is what is happening to me right now... Their mom is supposed to come pick them next week to her place and the kids outrightly refuse... They told me to come get them that they don't want to follow her.... They said alot of things that broke my heart.. This are kids who already have such memories...
I too remember vividly what happened when I was 5yrs old

Record everything those kids tell you about their experience; living in the hotel.

Neither coerce nor let the lie.

Let them flow naturally.

Have a plan handy on how you intend on taking care of them should they be with you.

Then, approach the welfare.

dochenaj:
Now here (bolded text) is an advice, and a good one at that. You're right, he may need practical insight and that will position him for the best course of action to take moving forward. Well done.

done it for 2 weeks though hard but we no die and am financially OK now than then