₦airaland Forum

Kobojunkiee:
Why bare a name that means nothing? Isn't a name supposed to mean something?

Op mentioned infidelity we don't even know whether it's the father that cheated or the mom....

Women can be funny it happened to a friend of mine who was 34 in 2016... According to him his dad and mom separated since he was 5 and none of them knew the reason not until my friend went to get his father's blessings for his wedding that we got to know the man wasn't his father....

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

there's no pride in bearing a responsible man's name or his surname. Your supposed father is not there for you and all the bills is on your mother. Harken to her words

She has no right to do that, I think she is pained and she is trying to turn the both of you against your dad.

If you are an igbo and your dad married your mom and pay all the rites before giving birth to you in that marriage, your mom has no right to change the name because no matter what you still belong to him and it will dawn on you and your brothers when you grow old.

No matter what your dad did wrong by abandoning his kids but before you jump into conclusion, don't only dwell on the stories your mom tells you about him, also hear his own side of the story and make good judgement

casualobserver:
Your Mom is wrong.

1) there are 2 sides to every story, no reasonable man abandons his children without good reason. If your mother married an unreasonable man then whose fault is that..the man or hers? Your mum isnt going to tell you she messed up if she did is she? Seperated/single mothers tend to brainwash and weaponise their children against their fathers.
2) it is bad enough that you grew up without a father but to remove his name is to deny who you are.
3) secondly it is emotional blackmail and selfish for your mother to use her children to fight her battles, you are suffering enough as it is without a father, she shouldnt add her drama to your life. your mother should be looking to sooth the fact that you have no father in your life (which is very important for any child) not to further damage you pyschologically.
4) I assume you are an adult, it is your decision to make not hers!!! She cannot deny who you are simply because of her mistakes in life. And yes it is her mistake because she made a choice to have children with a man who is no longer in the picture for whatever reason...whether it is her fault or his, it shows bad judgement on her part. It shows at the very least she chose to have have children with the wrong man...thats on her..thats her fault!!!!!! The fact that she is weaponsing you children says a lot about her if you ask me.

thank you, many people don't know the extent most women go with lies about their partners. I witnessed one where a lady took her husband's money and took their children along with her. In the future she'll tell those children that their father abandoned them.

Maybe. The story get k leg He left the junior one at 5 years. How old is OP when he left.

Who is unfaithful? The mother or father?
.
I will put the age of OP to around 16 to 18. At this age a mother want to change the surname of a young adult. It's impossible

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

Has she stopped bearing his name?She is using you to fight a proxy war.Is she not her that slept with him and bore you?She is just bitter,pained and obsessed.

igbowoman:
I agree with your mother.Your father walked away from you all and his parental rights .
I would change the surnames of my kids in the same circumstances.
He is a deadbeat and doesn't deserve you bearing his name.
Nigerians and their sentiments thinking his name means a thing

Foolish talk. Do you know the reason why the man walked away? Don't judge what you don't know anything about. This is a one sided story from the woman's side.

Theknowledge:
There is nothing like a deadbeat DAD! I was told this for the longest time but growing up as an adult my orientation changed.

No man goes into marriage with the intention of being a deadbeat dad, but life can present it's challenges and some women makes this time unbearable for their husbands making some mean lose their zeal and self esteem to strive for more.

A woman's needs are insatiable and it's continuous- Na relationship open my eyes! Only some men can take the bullshit from most women and still remain sane.

Our society is feeling this pressure as it takes both parents to raise a child- that's why the moral decadence that we see- as women are quick to label their husband (for better and for worse oo) deadbeat.

Omo marriage na work and support system if you know you can't offer this kindly stay single o

The story is about an irresponsible father who has refused to take care of his kids. How does that has to do with the wife’s needs?

If she is legally married to him then it's wrong, no matter what happened changing your name can't change the fact that you nd your brother are still his kids.

lawrenzooo:
Op mentioned infidelity we don't even know whether it's the father that cheated or the mom....

Women can be funny it happened to a friend of mine who was 34 in 2016... According to him his dad and mom separated since he was 5 and none of them knew the reason not until my friend went to get his father's blessings for his wedding that we got to know the man wasn't his father....

Well, from the tones of it, it seems the father is the "culprit" in this case, but I don't see how that makes a difference here..

If the mother was the cheat and the children are his, why would he have abandoned his kids with her?

If the mother was cheat and the kids are really not the father's, then the more reason why they should no longer bear his name, or don't you think?

What happened to your friend is a completely different story that ought to be investigated on another thread. No reason to assume it is the same as this story in anyway or form.

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

You should not join your mum to call your dad names. Look for the man and have conversations with him. Find out what really happened and discuss how he is going to assist you and your brother with him. If he is truly your biological dad, he will do something urgently.

Kobojunkiee:
The father already made them bastards by erasing them out of his memory. Holding on to just his names means nothing after that.

In cases like this you don't know what happened between the couple you wouldn't know If it was the mother that firstly left the man when he was still struggling thereby making the man forget everything about them. Beasts ain't just born they are made out of people inhuman action to another

advanceDNA:
Tell her u have gone to find out how to change name....Tell her court refuse to do sworn afidavit without you NIN and birth certificate showing the name..

If u have done NIN already...tell her U went to NIN office.... surname change on NIN is 35k....
News paper publication 20k...She will leave u alone...

If u have not done NIN..tell her they said u should bring sworn afidavit to show your name and birth certificate......that is back to square one since u cant do sworn affidavit without NIN or document that shows your name..

She will leave u alone

Baddest guy
Always have a loophole to cover his head

eguarojeona:
Has she stopped bearing his name?She is using you to fight a proxy war.Is she not her that slept with him and bore you?She is just bitter,pained and obsessed.

Fight a proxy war with a man whose own child believes he has erased them from his memory? Una dey read at all?

[quote author=UnusualEmissary post=116841415]As far as I know, people bear their father's name by virtue of blood and lineage and not necessarily by virtue of responsibility and accountability.

If your father has birthed you in a legitimate marriage, you bear his name automatically by virtue of such arrangement as you have become linked to his lineage by blood and relation. It is not necessary that he fulfils his obligations as father before that phenomenon of answering his name becomes a thing.

Your mum is probably pained from the experience with him but sentiments shouldn't be applied to influence proper arrangements. He has birthed you already, you are linked to his lineage already and there's nothing that can be done to change that.




Honestly, you have said my mind. No more no less.

Corridon:
Foolish talk. Do you know the reason why the man walked away? Don't judge what you don't know anything about. This is a one sided story from the woman's side.

Why does it matter why the man walked away... so longer as his presence is gone from even his children's lives, of what use is he to them?

2Radii:
Ur mum cheated on ur father, Ur father cut her away to regain his sanity. Now she wants more by telling u guys to change from his name


Lol, universe has a way of inflicting this kind of people with some mysterious afflictions

Lol

normal African man's mentality. They easily assume the woman must have cheated which led to their seperation or divorce

While the man must have been a saint who couldn't cohabit with the woman any more

What a poor reasoning

Splendidbeauty:
If she is legally married to him then it's wrong, no matter what happened changing your name can't change the fact that you nd your brother are still his kids.

What you posted makes no sense.

Kobojunkiee:
Tell that bullsheet cock'n'bull to millions of Nigerians who grew up and died never welcomed by their so-called fathers.

It's not a quarrel matter but one day something will happen that will make you look for that man

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

Don't involve yourself and kid bro in the quarrel between your parents. I assure you that you haven't heard everything about why they separated until you have a heart to heart talk with your father. Women are manipulative in nature and always claim to be victims even when they are at fault. Take the advice of that guy that said you should use NIN and Court affidavit to give flimsy excuse to your mom until she give up. When it is time you will finally know the real truth about what happened. Your sibling is a boy that will later grow to be a man. He will need his father or his father's kinsmen one day.

Do as she asked. The father wants no part in your life and you own nothing to him as well, not even carrying his name. But before you make such a decision, first do a thorough investigation to ensure you're not hearing one side of the story.

g

Painful experience. A friend changed the first and the last name because the father was irresponsible.

The father's family was wealthy and the son spent one holiday with the father's mother once. He came back glowing about how rich the grandmother was.

The mother asked him one question as a kid: how much have they contributed to your being?

Since then, the son was happy to bear his mother's name.

You didn't state clearly what lead to the separation (infidelity by who)

2. You live under her roof and you answer to her,don't add to her pains by being disobedient

3.. your father is your father and nothing can change it(if na drunkard,na womanizer, na killer,na beggar, na anything)

4.. when you are old enough, you can meet ur mum's parents or siblings and ask what really happened and where your father is

5.. everybody go talk wetin dey good concerning each other(eg,ur mom won't tell you that she was at fault, same as ur dad)

6.. be diplomatic in handling this issues and when u are old enough and known about ur father, u can approach him and know why he abandoned you guys(I'm sure he has a good reason for that)

A friend was telling me about someone who left Anambra state in search of his father who is an hausa man... no one knew about his birth except,my cousin's father, the foster father and his mother.. his mom(igbo) was engaged to an igbo man,she was in love with an hausa man but due to tribe and pressure, she accepted the igbo man,she had a fling with her ex b4 the wedding and was already pregnant, the igbo man who loved her covered her shame and married her that way and they left Kaduna for Anambra state, years later,the man and the woman separated and none knew about it,the man vanished like thin air. One day,we heard the boy who has grown to be a young man,went out in search of his own father and they were united.. what baffled everyone was who told the boy about his father and where to locate him

Now,the boy was answering the other man's surname... I rest my case

In my own community, If you dare change the name,I swear, sorry will be your nickname. I believe you understand the phrase.

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

My question here is do you know your dad if yes have you tried reaching out to him to see his own side. And you mentioned infidelity so among their two who is quilty of it. You know more than us. And her reasons must be strong enough except maybe your dad didn't pay her bride price that's reasonable enough outside this despite advise you get here the best option lies with you.Wish you the best.

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

She is 100000% right

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it...

Regarding your question, I'd advise you don't change the name.

That said, did your father abandon you or did your mom separate you from them?
Did your father reject you to your face?
Did you approach him and then he told you he doesn't want you?

Your dad may want you but your mom is hiding you from him.

No matter what your mom says, whatever happened between her and your dad is none of your business. It's hers. It's her battle and you shouldn't allow her to turn you into a casualty.

Yours is that she directs you to your father and you and your brother meet him. If he rejects you, then good, you know he doesn't want you. Else, don't be a part of her quest to make you fatherless.

UnusualEmissary:
As far as I know, people bear their father's name by virtue of blood and lineage and not necessarily by virtue of responsibility and accountability.

If your father has birthed you in a legitimate marriage, you bear his name automatically by virtue of such arrangement as you have become linked to his lineage by blood and relation. It is not necessary that he fulfils his obligations as father before that phenomenon of answering his name becomes a thing.

Your mum is probably pained from the experience with him but sentiments shouldn't be applied to influence proper arrangements. He has birthed you already, you are linked to his lineage already and there's nothing that can be done to change that.

You are wrong. Stop this posturing

Qatar2022:
It's not a quarrel matter but one day something will happen that will make you look for that man

It rarely ever does considering many millions who were abandoned only heard again of their father unit after his death not before.

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

I understand your mom's pain but then how old are you? Changing a name is changing a part of your identity. It could have an emotional impact.