Welcome, Guest: Register On Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 3,153,339 members, 7,819,191 topics. Date: Monday, 06 May 2024 at 12:28 PM

My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name - Family (7) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name (28505 Views)

Mother Wants Her Daughter To Quit Marriage Because Of This / My Mother Wants To Remarry / My Mother Wants Me To Rent My Own House (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (Reply) (Go Down)

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by sheldonbbt: 4:00pm On Sep 20, 2022
Stop calling your father deadbeat. You don't know what happened between him and your mum. Your mum can appear as a Saint to you but at the end of the day, your mother may have been the cause of this problem from the beginning.

I know a father who did not care about his kids because their mom was maltreating their father, the man kept mute, never discussed the issues with the kids because he respected their mum.

Infidelity and unfaithfulness will only happen when a man is not satisfied or being denied intimacy, of course, your father cannot tell you this but most women use this as a weapon to maltreat their husband's.

2 Likes

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by tydi(m): 4:00pm On Sep 20, 2022
Emaprince:
Exactly the point!!!

That woman probably shut him out and made sure he never had any contact with the kids again. The man may decide to start a familly with another woman atleast to birth some kids for him.. but later the the woman who is the actual villain will lie to the kids about how their father never wanted to have anything to do with them .

Luckily for the man of the kids happens to be male children BECAUSE irrespective of what the mother could had fed them towards their dad. Good or bad they will definitely grown up one day to become a man too and see the truth for themselves

Women usually weaponize the kids against the man whenever there is a break up. Even if she was the cheat. Bitterness from the break up will eat them up to act that way.

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Kobojunkiee: 4:00pm On Sep 20, 2022
Grandmeister:

Well you’re not the Op and the culture isn’t rubbish to him/her or else the op wouldn’t be struggling with it. Again no amount of grand standing by an anonymous identity online will change culture and tradition grin
Water will always find its course.
Again, Culture, as far as I am concerned, means nothing to me. So, stop pretending it should to OP or me. undecided

Like water, you find it most everywhere you go and so it has no meaning except for the one you pretend to give it where you find it. undecided
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by tydi(m): 4:00pm On Sep 20, 2022
Emaprince:
Exactly the point!!!

That woman probably shut him out and made sure he never had any contact with the kids again. The man may decide to start a familly with another woman atleast to birth some kids for him.. but later the the woman who is the actual villain will lie to the kids about how their father never wanted to have anything to do with them .



Women usually weaponize the kids against the man whenever there is a break up. Even if she was the cheat. Bitterness from the break up will eat them up to act that way.

Luckily for the man if the kids happens to be male children BECAUSE irrespective of what the mother could had fed them towards their dad. Good or bad they will definitely grown up one day to become a man too and see the truth for themselves

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Kobojunkiee: 4:02pm On Sep 20, 2022
Emaprince:
men and women are not the same. Women let emotions control them hence they act the same in this kind of situation. Responsibility and accountability will be thrown out the window.
Again, you are not making any sense at all. Are all men the same? Why would you then assume all women to be the same? That is braindead thinking right there. undecided
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by ibechris(m): 4:06pm On Sep 20, 2022
IamBlessed12:




Stop always rubbing your marriage on other people. I READ YOUR COMMENTS ALL THE TIME AND YOU KEEP DOING IT


STOP IT. MAKE WE HEAR WORD. YOUR WIFE THIS, YOUR MARRIAGE THAT



THE PEOPLE AT HAND DONT GIVE TWO HOOTS ABOUT YOU




Because u are a an irresponsible single mother does not mean I should hate good single mothers out there.

I was straight forward on this and never brought forth my marriage in this discussion,just because I decided to be who I have always been.
Stop reading my comments because I am not yet done talking good of my marriage and many more out there.

Note: I am a pro marriage fellow and if that gives u sleepless night,may u never rest.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Exceed15: 4:08pm On Sep 20, 2022
Franzinni:
yeah... mumu comment, I checked your profile and realised you are talented with MUMU talk, so I understand but you might need therapy.

You are not all there. grin

Eleribu

Looool
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by cococandy(f): 4:08pm On Sep 20, 2022
How old are you?
If you’re old enough to use the internet without parental guidance, you should be old enough to say what name you want to keep or leave
Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by 2Radii: 4:08pm On Sep 20, 2022
Spherica177:
Lol

normal African man's mentality. They easily assume the woman must have cheated which led to their seperation or divorce

While the man must have been a saint who couldn't cohabit with the woman any more

What a poor reasoning

Lol, yes, Africa mentality is what made u not to read what she wrote before u write jargons about ur origin (Africa)

Wen u finally leave ur parent house and start vending for ursef, pls keep a cheating wife just to prove that u re with American mentality..

Awon oponu. Adagbamadanu

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Honestfrend: 4:08pm On Sep 20, 2022
advanceDNA:


Tell her u have gone to find out how to change name....Tell her court refuse to do sworn afidavit without you NIN and birth certificate showing the name..

If u have done NIN already...tell her U went to NIN office.... surname change on NIN is 35k....
News paper publication 20k...She will leave u alone...

If u have not done NIN..tell her they said u should bring sworn afidavit to show your name and birth certificate......that is back to square one since u cant do sworn affidavit without NIN or document that shows your name..

She will leave u alone grin

I carry yash for u... U sabi lie.. cheesy
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by cococandy(f): 4:11pm On Sep 20, 2022
Woman hater?

Or at least that’s what you’d call someone who makes half the generalizations you made about women
Emaprince:
Exactly the point!!!

That woman probably shut him out and made sure he never had any contact with the kids again. The man may decide to start a familly with another woman atleast to birth some kids for him.. but later the the woman who is the actual villain will lie to the kids about how their father never wanted to have anything to do with them .

Women usually weaponize the kids against the man whenever there is a break up. Even if she was the cheat. Bitterness from the break up will eat them up to act that way.

2 Likes

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by cococandy(f): 4:13pm On Sep 20, 2022
A parent who doesn’t care for their kids is deadbeat.
It’s immature to punish kids for rifts between parents. That’s the definition of deadbeat

sheldonbbt:
Stop calling your father deadbeat. You don't know what happened between him and your mum. Your mum can appear as a Saint to you but at the end of the day, your mother may have been the cause of this problem from the beginning.

I know a father who did not care about his kids because their mom was maltreating their father, the man kept mute, never discussed the issues with the kids because he respected their mum.

Infidelity and unfaithfulness will only happen when a man is not satisfied or being denied intimacy, of course, your father cannot tell you this but most women use this as a weapon to maltreat their husband's.

2 Likes

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by LaJoe2: 4:23pm On Sep 20, 2022
Never mind changing his name, just don't put on his character.

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by advanceDNA: 4:25pm On Sep 20, 2022
Honestfrend:


I carry yash for u... U sabi lie.. cheesy

U want to live with a nigerian parent and not know how to lie...??...nigerian parent that will give u school fees, and pocket money and not worry about how u will wear clothes..... na there lie start....

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by caprini1: 4:28pm On Sep 20, 2022
Kobojunkiee:
Stop lying to folks abeg! undecided

Not all fathers are the kind you describe and you and I know this well. undecided
Let the effort to see the father,be made first,some women shield children away from their fathers unnecessary and suffer for nothing.

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Kobojunkiee: 4:30pm On Sep 20, 2022
caprini1:
Let the effort to see the father,be made first,some women shield children away from their fathers unnecessary and suffer for nothing..
OP said nothing about being shielded from his/her father in this so why assume it the case? How do you know the effort hasn't already been made for the OP to have concluded that the father has likely erased all memories of them from his mind? undecided
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Kyaptein(m): 4:35pm On Sep 20, 2022
advanceDNA:


Tell her u have gone to find out how to change name....Tell her court refuse to do sworn afidavit without you NIN and birth certificate showing the name..

If u have done NIN already...tell her U went to NIN office.... surname change on NIN is 35k....
News paper publication 20k...She will leave u alone...

If u have not done NIN..tell her they said u should bring sworn afidavit to show your name and birth certificate......that is back to square one since u cant do sworn affidavit without NIN or document that shows your name..

She will leave u alone grin

The above may deem humorous at first perception,
But to be rather candid in my opinion, its full of WISDOM.
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by phemmyfour: 4:41pm On Sep 20, 2022
Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?
If her claims are genuine, if she's not lying to you about your father.......it's just an honorable thing to do to show that you appreciate all her effort in seeing you through life
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Emaprince: 4:42pm On Sep 20, 2022
Kobojunkiee:
Again, you are not making any sense at all. Are all men the same? Why would you then assume all women to be the same? That is braindead thinking right there. undecided
women are the same in emotional situations
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Fantazy(m): 4:42pm On Sep 20, 2022
Do you know what?
Go with your mother i.e play along with her so she won't get heartbroken.
But if you want to do anything important with names like BVN registration, Nat. ID, Professional Exam registration any document that might be needed for recognition in future, use your real father's name else you will have problem.

Your mother is not thinking of the negative effect that may/will have, she's just being pained. So use your own sense
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by lawrenzooo: 4:43pm On Sep 20, 2022
Kobojunkiee:
Well, from the tones of it, it seems the father is the "culprit" in this case, but I don't see how that makes a difference here.. undecided

If the mother was the cheat and the children are his, why would he have abandoned his kids with her? undecided

If the mother was cheat and the kids are really not the father's, then the more reason why they should no longer bear his name, or don't you think? undecided

What happened to your friend is a completely different story that ought to be investigated on another thread. No reason to assume it is the same as this story in anyway or form.

Nah it's not same! Most men have the tendency of abandoning responsibilities when love goes sour particularly if they have moved on with another partner.

If Op is an adult and the brother a kid since his just starting school it means op at least for the most part of his childhood and teenage years had his father around. So the mom should allow him make his own decision whether he wants a change of surname or not.
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Emaprince: 4:44pm On Sep 20, 2022
cococandy:
Woman hater?

Or at least that’s what you’d call someone who makes half the generalizations you made about women
I said the truth. Women weaponize their kids against their fathers in bitter break ups.

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by 07kjb: 4:44pm On Sep 20, 2022
Are you from the EAST?

IF UR DAD DIDN'T PAY YOUR MOM'S BRIDE PRICE U CAN BEAR YOUR MOM'S FATHERS NAME

BUT IF HE HAD PAID HER BRIDE PRICE,U SHOULDN'T CHANGE YOUR SURNAME

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Oyiboman69: 4:45pm On Sep 20, 2022
Antimarraige:
Who cares
and you advice she bears her mother's father's name...how will that feel to the mother's siblings?. are they going to share from their grandfather's will?.
What will the society make of that when they grow up?....
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Emaprince: 4:46pm On Sep 20, 2022
cococandy:
A parent who doesn’t care for their kids is deadbeat.
It’s immature to punish kids for rifts between parents. That’s the definition of deadbeat

How are you sure he didn't care for the kids. As if you don't know your gender.

What if she made sure that man has no access to the kids again?

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Timekeeper452: 4:54pm On Sep 20, 2022
She is right and very correct.
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Oyiboman69: 4:56pm On Sep 20, 2022
Franzinni:
My dear, many people will advice you based on emotions ..I will try to use logic .. fingers crossed

You deserve to change that name. Yes! Why not?

You have a father (sperm donor) but you don't have a dad as far as I understand.

Now here is my angle, You were born to this plain on your own(alone), you are practically a point in space somewhere in beween your ears(you are individual your entire life will be from that point ... It's your show, and you are the start actor) . You can only live into the future and the past is gone( only use of the past is for memory but nothing changes the fact that now is the only thing that exist in reality ) ... No matter what happened there it is GONE. You have no say on that, but your future ...

Whatever happens in it is partly in your hands. You don't have a dad so why keep a name? It only keeps you in the past and if your mother has raised y'all thus far then. At least she cares. And will be unfair to her to raise kids for a sperm donor to show up sometime in the future and claim he is a father .

But I guess your mother too has alot of blame to be honest women really are setup to fail in marriage because they never fully understand how to be with a man and then they frustrate him to the point that he just goes for a smoke and never comes back. You are female and if you don't start working on it you too might fall victim to the same problem. Because of what your mother went through.

I might not be totally logical because it's almost impossible to avoid emotions when talking about things like this.

Can we all just stop letting our kids develop mental illness because we want to hurt our spouse.

Most if not all serial killers, school shooters, and menace to society can be traced back to useless kids having kids and becoming air headed parents.

Change the name you all deserve a fresh start .
there is no need for names to be changed. you can answer the name without been involve with the person. I'm saying this cos you'll also find a way to change the name back to her father's name trust me. this is Africa, things like this is very important. Look at the political scenes today and see what the situation of name changing is causing. there will be a time when the name of his mother wiil be used to mock him, besides, one's name should be extended to different family and that is the important of it and it is the root of a man. you can't deny it,one day,that name will mean a lot .....
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Kobojunkiee: 4:56pm On Sep 20, 2022
lawrenzooo:
Nah it's not same! Most men have the tendency of abandoning responsibilities when love goes sour particularly if they have moved on with another partner.

If Op is an adult and the brother a kid since his just starting school it means op at least for the most part of his childhood and teenage years had his father around. So the mom should allow him make his own decision whether he wants a change of surname or not.
If OP is minor then the mother can change names for her children. When OP becomes an adult, OP can change the name back if he/she chooses. undecided
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by Kobojunkiee: 4:57pm On Sep 20, 2022
Emaprince:
women are the same in emotional situations
Yet, the one fuming and emotional in this situation is you, a man? undecided

1 Like

Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by caprini1: 5:00pm On Sep 20, 2022
LaJoe2:
Never mind changing his name, just don't put on his character.
Very simple and apt!....lost both my parents at a very yound age ,was so angry with everything,but i later found out (by myself) say nobody send me grin. Retracted my self ,became the best i can be ,for ME....nobody send anybody .OP should move on name change or not.
Re: My Mother Wants Us To Stop Bearing Our Father's Name by lawrenzooo: 5:03pm On Sep 20, 2022
BRATISLAVA:


Lol.

Another possibility to save face in a society where single mothers are reviled.

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (Reply)

62-year-old Nigerian Woman Delivers Triplet After 33 Years Of Marriage (photos) / How Third Parties Involvement Ruin My Parents Marriage / I Think I Am Pregnant

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2024 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 73
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.