How women day take fall for this kind of men self?

After reading all this below, I wonder why you want to continue bearing the last name of that deadbeat individual?

”…My dad was never part of the family.
They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment.
Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life…”. .

Your papa name dey bring money??

Sorry but your bitch mother is salty! That is nothing but a fact! Did it ever occur to you that your mother caused your dad not to be in your lives? Some women are so evil that the best thing a man can do to survive is to erase the woman from their lives and sometimes by extension the children or child produced from the failed union. Keep your dad's name or take your mom's name, it doesn't really matter.

Change it, follow the wise counsel of your mum

Like someone pointed up there. Be diplomatic about it. It will bring confusion for you in the future especially you the female child.

It doesn't change anything at all.

Most single Women are like that.

Go and look for your dad and find out from him why he abandoned u guys first hand and then,take your decision after wards.

I doubt if that was the whole truth.

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

My question is not whether it's right or wrong to do this, but what you and your siblings stand to gain by not bearing your father's name. I hope and pray that eventually both of them will act like adults and keep this drama from affecting you emotionally and financially. Marriage is not a cake walk. After 18 years of marriage, all I can tell anyone thinking of doing it, is to take time and get to know who you are settling down with. Trust is important in marriage. I honestly don't think a marriage is worth it when betrayal of trust occurs. Don't hurt your husband or wife and think he or she is going to get over it.

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

Why hasn't she gotten a divorce all these years to avoid all the legal hurdles you may experience till you get married (and be opportuned to change by law)... except if she was not formally married to him.

Anyway if you operate below legalistic radars you may just adopt new names for peace sake.

She is talking from a betrayed heart.

If you changed now and the matter is settled in future, are you going to revert back?

Don't fight the battle that did not concern you nevertheless be wise in dealing with her, you and your sibling should be a succour to her.

Wetin go push you back to him is hiding in the future. .
Blood they say is thicker than water .

Alexxx2000:
My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.
...
Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision. Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

According to you, the man likely already erased you from his memories, and he does not care about the difficulties his own children are having to endure, so what do you gain from wearing his name as a badge?

If you are a minor, there isn't much you can do if your mum decides to change your names, but if you are an adult, then the decision to pursue a name change ought to be yours.

If your father is not responsible for ur wellbeing, is her own father responsible too

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

Ur mum cheated on ur father, Ur father cut her away to regain his sanity. Now she wants more by telling u guys to change from his name


Lol, universe has a way of inflicting this kind of people with some mysterious afflictions

igbowoman:
I agree with your mother.Your father walked away from you all and his parental rights .
I would change the surnames of my kids in the same circumstances.
He is a deadbeat and doesn't deserve you bearing his name.
Nigerians and their sentiments thinking his name means a thing

If his name doesn't mean a thing why change it in the first place?
Women and their sentiments I understand your mums position raising kids alone when their father is alive and not supporting can be a pain in the heart but however changing the child surname doesn't change anything....

lawrenzooo:

If his name doesn't mean a thing why change it in the first place?
Women and their sentiments I understand your mums position raising kids alone when their father is alive and not supporting can be a pain in the heart but however changing the child surname doesn't change anything....

Why bare a name that means nothing? Isn't a name supposed to mean something?

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.Better you don’t listen to these emotional humans giving you advise.Dead beat father deserve nothing good in life

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

Better you don’t listen to these emotional humans giving you advise.Dead beat father deserve nothing good in life.Change the damn surname and see what will happen next!

northbird:
Don't join issues with your parents.. The issues are between them, husband and wife.
Be diplomatic, there are benefits (not material now) you will get from your father, that you won't get from your mother and vice - versa. The Sun has its glory, the moon also its glory, the stars too likewise..

Benefits such as?

If changing the name make you guys better economically go ahead if not reason your mother street (I mean be diplomatic with her) as for your brother there is little or nothing you can do...

tydi:


Don't abide to that. Single handedly she wants to make you guys bastards by default

The father already made them bastards by erasing them out of his memory. Holding on to just his names means nothing after that.

She's acting that way because each time she is conscious of the fact that you guys still bears your father's name - it rings a bell in her head & ear with a displeasing sound. Just take it easy with her, she's wounded already. Don't compound it.

So in all of these you do not pity your mother? You are still contemplating on wether to listen to her or not? Sorry, your dad has failed* her, failed* you and failed* your brother. Listen to your mom and dump* his name.

excellence44:
She has no right to do that but I must advice that you be diplomatic in dealing with her. Play along with her till such a time when you can stand on your own. As for your brother, allow him to go along with the name change because when the time comes, a man Will always be a man.

This is what my uncle did many years ago.. he add her mom's surname with this sign (-) something like femi fani-kayode.
What do you think?

Qatar2022:

She's not right my brother, remember that one you will go back to your father's house,

Tell that bullsheet cock'n'bull to millions of Nigerians who grew up and died never welcomed by their so-called fathers.

If this is a true story....then you really get mind oh....
After she suffered bringing you up all alone in the harsh economy....no financial and emotional help from anyone.... you are talking this trash..... ungrateful you are...
If your father's family are not in any way involved in your lifes that means they are irresponsible, because no responsible family leaves two male bloodlines outside...
Except if there is another dimension to your story ...
Irresponsibility and thus ungratefulness runs in the blood...

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

how old were you when your parents separated?

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

Your Mom is wrong.

1) there are 2 sides to every story, no reasonable man abandons his children without good reason. If your mother married an unreasonable man then whose fault is that..the man or hers? Your mum isnt going to tell you she messed up if she did is she? Seperated/single mothers tend to brainwash and weaponise their children against their fathers.
2) it is bad enough that you grew up without a father but to remove his name is to deny who you are.
3) secondly it is emotional blackmail and selfish for your mother to use her children to fight her battles, you are suffering enough as it is without a father, she shouldnt add her drama to your life. your mother should be looking to sooth the fact that you have no father in your life (which is very important for any child) not to further damage you pyschologically.
4) I assume you are an adult, it is your decision to make not hers!!! She cannot deny who you are simply because of her mistakes in life. And yes it is her mistake because she made a choice to have children with a man who is no longer in the picture for whatever reason...whether it is her fault or his, it shows bad judgement on her part. It shows at the very least she chose to have have children with the wrong man...thats on her..thats her fault!!!!!! The fact that she is weaponsing you children says a lot about her if you ask me.

If your father has erased you from his life, why are you catching feeling over dumping his name?

If taking your mother's name will give her some joy for the sacrifice she's making on you and your sibling's life, what's the big deal?

If she decides to walk away from you and go find her own life since you're his daughter afterall, I hope you'll be happy.

Name you'll still change when you get married. LOL

pargelenis:
After reading all this below, I wonder why you want to continue bearing the last name of that deadbeat individual?

”…My dad was never part of the family.
They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment.
Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life…”. .

was she a witness to her dad's infidelity or she was told about it by her mother. You would be surprised how hard her father is trying to locate them now.

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

Your mum is bitter and acting out of vengeance to your dad.

But she doesn't have the right to change your surname. It's your decision as an adult, not hers. Take your stand.

Besides, no condition is parmanent.