igbowoman:
I agree with your mother.Your father walked away from you all and his parental rights .
I would change the surnames of my kids in the same circumstances.
He is a deadbeat and doesn't deserve you bearing his name.
Nigerians and their sentiments thinking his name means a thing

Since the name means nothing, why would you care about changing it?

Op, pls go ahead and change the name as if your father cares. Your eyes go soon clear, let your promiscuous and self-centered mother be controlling you.

There's no need for changing names I feel her hurt but she should just leave it as it is.. She's deeply hurt but unfortunately it is his name you his children have to bear. May God use you and your brother to wipe away her tears ���

JesuLoba �

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

Well, some families accepts children from their daughters and make them to be the same family's with them and have the same inheritance with the mother's family

Now the issue is, the rest of her siblings must consent to that, if her father is still alive good, he will be the one to do that by inviting all of his children and inform them about it

But if he is late, let the most senior give his consent, so that tomorrow they will not segregate you and your brother

emmyN:


Since the name means nothing, why would you care about changing it?

To erase the deadbeat.
Those who think losing his name means some sort of loss are mistaken

GoldenJAT:
Your papa na your papa first and foremost!! Let her not involve you guys in her ongoing feud with your father!!
If i May ask! How old are you? This will determine my next line of advice.

Ongoing feud with a father who doesn't acknowledge their existence.

The father is the one feuding with them if you ask me, not the other way round.

obedience4:
Change it, follow the wise counsel of your mum

And end like her.

sentix:
Pls don't change your name.

What if your father would have destabilized your lives if he was around.

Maybe God removed him to protect you.

Who just spewed this?

igbowoman:


Any man that walks away from children is not a man.
Period!!
Any vestiges of him must be erased from their lives

Oh he should remain and die of hbp or kill his wife? And u begin to open una mouth say .. that he should left the marriage.

advanceDNA:


Tell her u have gone to find out how to change name....Tell her court refuse to do sworn afidavit without you NIN and birth certificate showing the name..

If u have done NIN already...tell her U went to NIN office.... surname change on NIN is 35k....
News paper publication 20k...She will leave u alone...

If u have not done NIN..tell her they said u should bring sworn afidavit to show your name and birth certificate......that is back to square one since u cant do sworn affidavit without NIN or document that shows your name..

She will leave u alone

Nigerians! We can job even the devil. I'm impressed. Now now like this you don permutate.

Dogalmighty17:


Nigerians! We can job even the devil. I'm impressed. Now now like this you don permutate.

All i wrote there is actually the truth if he wants to change his name for real...

Change am
Me too change my own bro
Watin be name
Gone are those day fathers are head of house

A hundred & one comments here , are saying You should change the damn name. Lmao, if the table was turned to them, trust me they won't be doing just what they advice.
Becareful of women mothers inclusive, they are know for emotionally black mailing a man to do their bidding.
You will need some time with your dad to hear his side of the story. She is your mum, but trust me they can be serpentine.

4ward4:
■ A hundred & one comments here , are saying You should change the damn name. Lmao, if the table was turned to them, trust me they won't be doing just what they advice.
Becareful of women mothers inclusive, they are know for emotionally black mailing a man to do their bidding.
You will need some time with your dad to hear his side of the story. She is your mum, but trust me they can be serpentine.

I would in a heartbeat cause such things mean nothing to me.

Kobojunkie:
I would in a heartbeat cause such things mean nothing to me.

It means alot my friend, Nigerians are extended family practicers. People needs to understand, we don't practice same with the White.
I know you must be living in the City, but you see the village. There is exactly where all stories and tales about you are kept, a female child won't have an issue,but you see a male child. it does play out
You aren't aware now, until you decide to engage in politics or an appointment. Words goes a long way & it hurts.You will hear your opponent telling his local supporters how you aren't from the village, since it isn't your father's land...Really funny ,but it's true

4ward4:
■ It means alot my friend, Nigerians are extended family practicers. People needs to understand, we don't practice same with the White.

■ I know you must be living in the City, but you see the village. There is exactly where all stories and tales about you are kept. You aren't aware now, until you decide to engage in politics or an appointment. Words goes a long way & it hurts.

1. It means absolutely nothing to me. Extended family that is many atimes never there for you at any point when you actually have need. Of what value are such things?

2. The only stories kept of me in a village somewhere are lies that are not of my truth or reality. Also, I have no plans to run for office or need to dupe anyone to support me..

Kobojunkie:
1. It means absolutely nothing to me. Extended family that is many atimes never there for you at any point when you actually have need. Of what value are such things?

2. The only stories kept of me in a village somewhere are lies that are not of my truth or reality. Also, I have no plans to run for office or need to dupe anyone to support me..

You are right, I wasn't referring to those who aren't interested in making big changes in the life of his/her people using the government.

4ward4:
■ You are right, I wasn't referring to those who aren't interested in making big changes in the life of his/her people using the government.

How many of those in your government have ever infact truly done any of that? Abegi!

Alexxx2000:
It's a long story but I will try to abridge it.

My mom raised I and my brother of 5yrs old single-handedly. There's a separation in the family so we're shuffling the deck. She's an hairstylist with meagre wages.

My dad was never part of the family. They both separated because of infidelity and harsh treatment. Since then, my dad, I guess erased our memories from his life.

I must confess, she's trying but the bills is weighing her down. My little brother was to start school last year but we couldn't pay for fees but after saving, we decided to put him in a cheap school close to the house.

Now, my mom want to stop us from bearing my father's name. She mandated me to change mine as well to her own dad's name.

Yesterday when I returned from the Pos attendant job I do, she brought the topic again and she said, nothing is holding her back on her decision.

Is she right for taking such decision? What will you advise me to do please?

It's painful especially bearing burden for two people singlehandedly without anything from the father of the kids.

For me I had that thought severally, even after series of informing their dad to take responsibility for their welfare.i even sent account number of the school so it doesn't look like I want to extort him or spend the money ,yet nothing and I have been soley responsible for my children's welfare till date to tell you he never wanted to be responsible .I had already prepared a change of name letter which I later discarded after having a deep thought.

The kids will grow up to make their decision.i wouldn't want to manipulate them into hating their dad despite all he did. ( I always tell them for the fact that I am the one taking responsibility of their welfare doesn't make it right,the father and mother have their individual roles to play,so mu kids dont grow up with that mindset,they need to be responsible and learn from my mistakes)

My opinion is your mum should continue to take care of you kids and make sure you keep receipts and evidences for future references.

Your mum needs to have a forgiving mind (doesn't mean you reconcile with him)so she wunt feel angry or bitter towards you children. She will certainly reap the fruits of her efforts.


Try to talk to your mum and assure her that you will be there for her always no matter what.( OP Pls try to work hard no condition is permanent.) God will make favourable ways for you to excel in life and make your mother proud.

Good luck!

realtalk19:
■ It's painful especially bearing burden for two people singlehandedly without anything from the father of the kids.
For me I had that thought severally, even after series of informing their dad to take responsibility for their welfare.i even sent account number of the school so it doesn't look like I want to extort him or spend the money ,yet nothing and I have been soley responsible for my children's welfare till date to tell you he never wanted to be responsible .I had already prepared a change of name letter which I later discarded after having a deep thought.
The kids will grow up to make their decision.i wouldn't want to manipulate them into hating their dad despite all he did. ( I always tell them for the fact that I am the one taking responsibility of their welfare doesn't make it right,the father and mother have their individual roles to play,so mu kids dont grow up with that mindset,they need to be responsible and learn from my mistakes)
My opinion is your mum should continue to take care of you kids and make sure you keep receipts and evidences for future references.
Your mum needs to have a forgiving mind (doesn't mean you reconcile with him)so she wunt feel angry or bitter towards you children. She will certainly reap the fruits of her efforts.
Try to talk to your mum and assure her that you will be there for her always no matter what.( OP Pls try to work hard no condition is permanent.) God will make favourable ways for you to excel in life and make your mother proud.
Good luck!

While I understand where you are coming from, I think your view is heavy influenced by cultural beliefs and not much else..

Imagine for instance marriage a business , a company you started with your husband and at the time you both decided that all business documents and even property properties would bear his name. However, as time went on, you realized that your husband was not as invested in the success of the marriage as well as all that burdens/responsibilities you had both accumulated as partners during the course of said marriage. After many years of carrying the business alone on your head, you decided it was best to run it as the one man show it had been from almost its beginnings and you let your business partner know of it. He does not hesitate to abandon you with all the loans and burdens/responsibilities you had both accrued during the course of the partnership in order that he could maybe move on to find himself another victim to play who would suck up the smoke that is he. Finally realizing you had always been saddled with all the responsibilities, would you think it makes sense to continue to sign all the business related documents and activities in the name of your ex business partner? Do you think that honor should be given this ex who was never invested in the business to begin with by continuing to sign all documents and purchase all properties related to the business in his name? Do you continue to keep business properties In the name of this ex partner who essentially forfeited his potential share in the business when he walked out of the partnership?

I can understand how you easily write off a mother deciding her children, whom she fends 100% for and caters to all by herself, should no longer bear the name of their deadbeat dad as an embittered soul, as I know well this is how society has programmed many to think. But if you could just step out from behind that black veil, you would instead see that her decision is instead of commonsense and not bitterness.

Kobojunkie:
While I understand where you are coming from, I think your view is heavy influenced by cultural beliefs and not much else..

Imagine for instance marriage a business , a company you started with your husband and at the time you both decided that all business documents and even property properties would bear his name. However, as time went on, you realized that your husband was not as invested in the success of the marriage as well as all that burdens/responsibilities you had both accumulated as partners during the course of said marriage. After many years of carrying the business alone on your head, you decided it was best to run it as the one man show it had been from almost its beginnings and you let your business partner know of it. He does not hesitate to abandon you with all the loans and burdens/responsibilities you had both accrued during the course of the partnership in order that he could maybe move on to find himself another victim to play who would suck up the smoke that is he. Finally realizing you had always been saddled with all the responsibilities, would you think it makes sense to continue to sign all the business related documents and activities in the name of your ex business partner? Do you think that honor should be given this ex who was never invested in the business to begin with by continuing to sign all documents and purchase all properties related to the business in his name?

I can understand how you easily write off a mother deciding her children, whom she fends 100% for and caters to all by herself, should no longer bear the name of their deadbeat dad as an embittered soul, as I know well this is how society has programmed many to think. But if you could just step out from behind that black veil, you would instead see that her decision is instead of commonsense and not bitterness.

The business illustration is not same as having children involved. My opinion is not inpired by our culture.i can as well change my children's name to whatever I want and nothing will happen because I fend for Dem till date.

I had same experience and my mum changed my name because she and her family singlehandedly raised me and till date my dads family alienated me despite going to them( I only recognize my mum and my step dad as my parents).

i am not continuing that trend which is why I pointed out in my response that I am raising them to be responsible and to learn from my mistakes so they can become better individuals and make a positive difference.they are obvious of the fact that their dad isn't doing anything for them.its not in my place to manipulate them into hating him(I don't even talk about him). When they grow up ,they can make their decision.

Either you change their father's name or not ,what will be will be.

realtalk19:
■The business illustration is not same as having children involved.
■ My opinion is not inpired by our culture.i can as well change my children's name to whatever I want and nothing will happen because I fend for Dem till date.
■ I had same experience and my mum changed my name because she and her family singlehandedly raised me and till date my dads family alienated me despite going to them( I only recognize my mum and my step dad as my parents).
■ i am not continuing that trend which is why I pointed out in my response that I am raising them to be responsible and to learn from my mistakes so they can become better individuals and make a positive difference.they are obvious of the fact that their dad isn't doing anything for them.its not in my place to manipulate them into hating him(I don't even talk about him). When they grow up ,they can make their decision.
■ Either you change their father's name or not ,what will be will be.

1. Actually, it is apt given that kids are properties or responsibilities that couples typically acquire during the course of the marriage.

2. Oh, it is, given that there are cultures out there where the child bears the last name of the mother in the case the father is not a part of the birthing of the child — sperm donor situation for instance.

3. I can bet you that they did not alienate you because you did not bear your father's name. They used it as an excuse but when it comes to deadbeat parents, they use whatever excuse available to fight against that which they resist confronting.

4. Having the children bear the name of the parent who raised them isn't the same as manipulating the kids into hating the one who was not present for them. Manipulation requires you actively reinforce them against the absent parent. Children are smart enough to learn things for themselves.

5. Exactly! So, changing their last name means nothing more than that.