PerfectStranger:
Just ghost her for sometimes, no call no text. Act like you care less about her then observe.

If she doesn’t call or notice your ghost mode, then sorry man, her feelings for you is a goner.

This is exactly what I did over the last 2 days now, and guess what, she has been stalking me with calls. I only call her when there is something important to discuss, but calls based on, i miss u and all of that nor even dey again, the moment she noticed I have drifted from showing affection over calls, she started bombarding me with calls complaining that I don't call her.

Amotolongbo:
All I can read here are
1. A lady who isn’t straight forward
2. A man who feels insecure

According to your comments both of them are wrong at the same time

papito737:
Hmmm. How do people manage in marriages like these?
If your story is true, these are signs that there are many things going on with and in her that you probably dont know about. If this continues, you guys would separate at last.
Be a man, take the hard decision. Let her and your kids be the dependent ones, not you.
Also, it is better to live a good and peaceful life in Nigeria than a bad one - which you would later regret - in the UK.

Bro the deed is done already, for the visa procedure we had to make her the applicant, cos women are attended to faster and guaranteed to be given visa. I definitely feel something that I dont know but only suspicious of is going on there judging from the incidences that happened, but then man go sojunu.

duduade:


Stay back in Nigeria while the kids join their mother... You can be visiting them ....and vice versa where they can be visiting you in Nigeria

This was my initial plan, because me sef nor like stay abroad, I love my country even though things are hard, but the major problem na if she go school who wan stay with kids, if she go work who wan stay with the kids, and to hire a nanny in the UK is like 50 pounds or more per day.

kbower:


This is exactly what I did over the last 2 days now, and guess what, she has been stalking me with calls. I only call her when there is something important to discuss, but calls based on, i miss u and all of that nor even dey again, the moment she noticed I have drifted from showing affection over calls, she started bombarding me with calls complaining that I dont call her.

Thats women for you..
When you kiss their ass, they will kick your head..
But when you kick their ass, they will kiss your leg.
Just give her measured attention.and build yourself to be independent.

@kbower

the majority of the issue I have with my wife have always been issues of trust, transparency, respect and loyalty.

with emphasis on loyalty, why did you send her out?
i don’t know where women adopt this behavior of disrespecting their spouse once they leave nigeria?

your wife disrespect’s you in nigeria and you still have the mind to relocate her to a country that gives women the veto power to useless their spouse.

sentiment asides, a form of transaction in exchange for exposure or connects would probably hold someday between your spouse and y/friend in liverpool or mr mike.

ps: if your kids are minor please leave them in nigeria.

advanceDNA:


Mayb the guy no pass well....or mayb he don too old....and mayb e make better sense for the lady to apply for the masters because of higher chances of getting in....thats the sacrifice some men make for family yet women commonize it as their right and nothing

Bro the emboldened makes your statement right, and words on Marble, I have spent over 27 million naira on the japa process, and still have more to spend ahead. It is indeed a sacrifice, but bro, she nor even send or appreciate anything, but me nor send cos na the children be the koko. Infact the agent that arranged everything duped me of 3k pounds, I arrested him, going from the station to and fro, only for madam to be expressing sympathy towards the guy that he feels pity for him that hes arrested, but what about me that spent the money and stressing out to arrest the guy and going to and fro? Am i not human, am I not to be the one in the position of being sympathetic towards?

That lady is going through a lot.. Never judge or conclude until you get here.
Life in the UK is the opposite of the life in Nigeria
Fear, mental stress, new environment adaptation, desperate to break that circle, loneliness, sometimes she needs someone that understands her conditions.. I guess if she explained, you won't understand her better because you're not there... Etc could cause attitudinal change.. Please for now embrace the pain and disrespect... 11 years marriage no be beans.. Don't scatter it because of mere relocation... If you get here and she is still the same... Then you can complain...

Another thing, lower your sense of I'm the husband.. Two of you married each other, she's your friend otherwise, she go humble you for this UK.. I'm sorry, you could learn the western culture in the hard way....

Guys don't have time for ladies also unlike Nig. Unless if you don't trust your woman before...

Have got many thing to touch but no time.. My break is finished... Bye

4ward4:
I feel sorry for you, because you are a good principled husband whose family interest is number 1.
I learnt never to be at the mercy of a Woman, Las Las you will be disgraced. Reason why you can't find a woman picking up a man from the trenches and transforming his Life. But 70% of men are stock with broke women but joy giver.
It is natural, women are attracted to superior men and men are attracted to weak and shy women.Reason why one particular Religion subdue women, the know the exact power of a woman in whoring around (sorry that might be too harsh and I intend no disrespect, but it is a fact for some good amount of women)
Her recent display is of serious concern and to be honest, it won't be an easy ride for you. Marriage is like a Ship and you the man Is the captain never for once hand this over to a woman, that you just did.

According to the emboldened part of your post, how did I hand over the captain badge to her? By taking her abroad?

priceactionx:
This is likely what is going to happen, the guy in question will get the accommodation even if he doesn't get references through you. He will bond very well with your wife and probably be her closest friend. He has started lusting after her and your wife knows that well.
She will likely be visiting him, in his new accommodation just to survive and get herself going. Sex or whatever may not come now because the guy will be afraid to do anything nasty to avoid being jailed.
BUT..... You will keep having issues if you are not careful and the guy will be fueling it just to get to her pants..

One day she wont come home because of the wahala you are giving her and will sleep in that guy house. That's how it will start. The whole thing will begin when you have big quarell which is close by. Just let her settle very well first and also the guy. It will likely go on and on and you won't know.

You are the second class in your own house now either you believe or not. You are a nanny now in your own house.
As you allow her to be the primary holder, then expect alot of shitz in the coming weeks and months when she is totally settled.
She has interest in that guy too may be to update her account and meet up expenses.
Sorry for now, there is nothing you can do than to work your self out personally not minding what ever she does. Zero your mind totally. Abroad is difficult now to survive and every opportunity thrown to a naija girl, she will accept not minding if she is married or not. The handwriting is there. Abroad is different from naija. If you over step your boundaries with her, you might land back to naija in a tinkle of an eye And loose all.
The choice is yours. You can't control her and she won't listen to you either.

Oga pause your imaginative story, if truly like she told me the guy is married with 4kids, her wife and 1 of the kids stay together in the UK, how the hell will your above assertion come to fruition?

kbower:


Bro the emboldened makes your statement right, and words on Marble, I have spent over 27 million naira on the japa process, and still have more to spend ahead. It is indeed a sacrifice, but bro, she nor even send or appreciate anything, but me nor send cos na the children be the koko. Infact the agent that arranged everything duped me of 3k pounds, I arrested him, going from the station to and fro, only for madam to be expressing sympathy towards the guy that he feels pity for him that hes arrested, but what about me that spent the money and stressing out to arrest the guy and going to and fro? Am i not human, am I not to be the one in the position of being sympathetic towards?

I feel your pain..Its sad when a man is with a woman that only see his sacrifices as nothing but her entitlement as a wife....

just calm down....its not like she can pull it off without you....20hrs perweek work is nothing ..

when u land there ...u have the advantage to work more, earn more money and if all goes well...get a sponsorship job and no longer be dependent on her visa..

Bro’s sorry about this, but I tell you, that mr mike don dey bang your wife,..
1. How did he know she got big backside?... because he has seen it.. but your wife will deny this ofcorse...
2. You see what happened in the video call? That was a planned move by her, they were together before your call came in...
3. Both of them have been dating behind you, she is just trying to balance her actions...
you see a friend of mine bleeping a married naija lady here,.. the bleeping na brutal one... but anytime the husband called from naija, she no go pick, when she pick, the guy go hide him other room for them to talk, after she finished video and phone calls with hubby... omo bleeping continued o!
Honestly I was surprised to find out how women are generally lose in here and most Western world...
Heard many cases among my homies here, banging many married women... mostly during winter... that cold hennnn! It’s well o
At this point.. reset your mind set OGA... be prayerful, watchful and be very observant... all the best..

Reduce the calling man..but i must tell your that your woman is not a loyal type ..



But keep calm.

That nigga is not just kpanshing your wife, they live together. If you doubt me, call your wife video call while she is at home and during the call, focus on the background and noise. Oga, that nigga is currently accommodating and providing her basic needs there in London. As for wetin you go see when you join her, may God have mercy on you because the marriage I dey see so is heading to destruction especially with your kind of person too.

OP
you noticed all these in your marriage yet you choose to send your wife abroad.
You seem autocratic and authoritative. You seem not taking your wife opinion into consideration while she was in Nigeria.
You should know UK & Nija no be same in all things.
With the way you present things you look above average financially. So why seeking relocation.
Is either you hurry up and join her or you develop thick skin so you don't be consumed emotionally while you waiting to join her.
Best of luck.

kbower:


Oga pause your imaginative story, if truly like she told me the guy is married with 4kids, her wife and 1 of the kids stay together in the UK, how the hell will your above assertion come to fruition?

I thought the guy family is in naija. Na you confused me. You started writing well in English come end up in pigin.
Anyway, if that's the case, she is hiding alot from you and the guy is flolicking around her. If care is not taken, it won't be too long. The handwriting is there. Welcome abroad. Things are handled differently from the way is handled when you are in naija and most sad part, women always win if you loose guard. Zero your mind for anything. Simple as abc. Have a nice day.

beelon1020:
Bro’s sorry about this, but I tell you, that mr mike don dey bang your wife,..
1. How did he know she got big backside?... because he has seen it.. but your wife will deny this ofcorse...
2. You see what happened in the video call? That was a planned move by her, they were together before your call came in...
3. Both of them have been dating behind you, she is just trying to balance her actions...
you see a friend of mine bleeping a married naija lady here,.. the bleeping na brutal one... but anytime the husband called from naija, she no go pick, when she pick, the guy go hide him other room for them to talk, after she finished video and phone calls with hubby... omo bleeping continued o!
Honestly I was surprised to find out how women are generally lose in here and most Western world...
Heard many cases among my homies here, banging many married women... mostly during winter... that cold hennnn! It’s well o
At this point.. reset your mind set OGA... be prayerful, watchful and be very observant... all the best..

Lol, bro I understand u, but Mr Mike is different from this guy, that one na na Ibukun, see ehn all these things wey u talk na just assumption, but I wont rule out the possibilities of these things to have happened. Most especially that video call matter, I thought she had told the guy to move to the back sey her hubby dey call. But no worry, na this life we still dey.

Nonexisting1:
That nigga is not just kpanshing your wife, they live together. If you doubt me, call your wife video call while she is at home and during the call, focus on the background and noise. Oga, that nigga is currently accommodating and providing her basic needs there in London. As for wetin you go see when you join her, may God have mercy on you because the marriage I dey see so is heading to destruction especially with your kind of person too.

What kind of person do you perceive me to be? Besides madam temporarily stays with her step brother, where u hear sey sey she need money and the guy dey give her basic needs? Una go just dey formulate story wey nor add up all in the name of sey u wan contribute to post.

kbower:


What kind of person do you perceive me to be? Besides madam temporarily stays with her step brother, where u hear sey sey she need money and the guy dey give her basic needs? Una go just dey formulate story wey nor add up all in the name of sey u wan contribute to post.

So why is She looking for help outside when she stays with her step brother?

I’m sorry bro. Try stay strong mentally and emotionally. I’m single but I can feel your pain, Sir. Use style “bone” your wife small & focus on getting abroad with the children. My elder brother wife did almost same and it wasn’t easy for him. Thank god he finally got his stay after 8 years or so. Naija women can be “deadly”.

kbower:


Lol, bro I understand u, but Mr Mike is different from this guy, that one na na Ibukun, see ehn all these things wey u talk na just assumption, but I wont rule out the possibilities of these things to have happened. Most especially that video call matter, I thought she had told the guy to move to the back sey her hubby dey call. But no worry, na this life we still dey.

I feel you baba... but be wise like serpent and be gentle as dove for woman matter o!... truly women are only loyal to their thought...

kbower:


Oga pause your imaginative story, if truly like she told me the guy is married with 4kids, her wife and 1 of the kids stay together in the UK, how the hell will your above assertion come to fruition?

Chief, I want to talk to you like a man. I'm married too and had a relationship before marriage where the girl was almost everything you talked about. Thank God we did not get married.
Please take note that I'm not telling you to separate from her or divorce. I will never do that.
It's normal for you to want to turn a blind eye to what your heart is telling you because you have been 11 years with her.
My guy, if I was making a call with my wife and somebody brings his face, and then appeared in her church, and then asks her to help with accommodation, and then says my wife's ass is big, man!!!! Even if the man has all his children, parents, siblings and ancestors there..... let me not say what you are thinking. But the day my own wife get to this point..... let me still not say.
What am I trying to say? There is something going on that you do not know. Be prepared to face that thing when the time comes whether in the UK or Nigeria. When that time comes, do not exhibit violence, do not ever raise your voice, do not harm anyone including yourself, just make and take the right action.
Blessings chief.

@op: Go to you tube and type olumide Emmanuel. He has a series called ' Before you join the Japa Bandwagon 1-4 and I believe it will give you a proper perspective on issues raised or prepare you for what to come. Let me know what you think after watching the videos. Approx 40mins each.

@op ...be prepared for live pepper...na when u reach u go know the woman wey u marry

Who has strength to read this textbook

Reading the comments !

Omo...
I dey learn from comments.

HardBishop:


Is you that's displaying maximum potent of stupidity. It seems you don't know what marriage is all about. Lies, trickery are all part of what western marriages entails. Remove children and sex, I don't see anything valuable marrying a WOMAN

marriage the way West wants it when we live in their country, is timed against men, marriage in nigeria is rebelled against by women with encouragement by the west(feminism).


i can’t understand how Asian women have been able to remove this concept of feminism from their marriages.

kbower
I think you're a little insecure seeing your writeup is very lengthy and detailed.

The sooner you get to be with her, the better. I think the separation is the problem

My peace of mind is worth more than any relationship.