₦airaland Forum

kbower:
Hi Nlanders

We all know no marriage is all that smooth and rosey, we all that are in it have challenges here and there, and for almost 11 years now, out of tolerance, ruggedity, minding my business in terms of taking care of the family have always been something that has held my marriage down, because the majority of the issue I have with my wife have always been issues of trust, transparency, accountability, respect and loyalty.

Some people will say with these things I have listed, that I may be asking for too much, but I can tell whoever would reason that way that it's not too much because am a responsible father/husband that have never for once strayed the family in anyway that will make me lack any of the above stated qualities a man can enjoy from a wife.

Why am I here? Ok.. After enduring so much for 11 years, we are relocating to the UK, she is the main applicant, myself and the 3 children are dependants, she traveled first, leaving myself and the 3 kids behind until she can secure accommodation b4 we leave.

I have heard about countless incidences of how SOME women treat their husbands and the POWER zoned to women in that country which makes it almost impossible for a man with a wife that gives him constant problem to be able to thrive in that country.

I just want to state three peculiar incidences that occured during her 1month stay over there that is already making me feel I have alot to face over there, though I know my God is bigger than anything, I just want people that are over there, or people that are experienced here and all over who are capable of handing a good advise for me on getting there to know how I can fare and withstand what is to come.

Based on the above from the major incidences I have experienced with her, first two weeks of being there, she had gone to check a house b4 heading to school, on her way back to school, she claimed she didn't take enough money and going back home might not be possible, I asked how she would wanna go about it
and she replied saying I will borrow money from Mr Mike, a man she just met at school on her first day of registration. I was like that's wrong, you don't form familiarity with someone you just met in another man's country, I said I will call a friend in liverpool to send you money and you could get your train ticket. She fumed, but I stood my ground and said that's how its going to be. I have asked her to collect a friends account details, since she has not opened an account yet, she said when her class finishes by 8.30pm she'll request details from her friend so the money can be sent. Fast forward to closing period, I messaged her to send me details, she ignored, I called ad she said nobody has an account that I should not worry she will sort herself, I was now like you just got to that country, u have no friends that u know too well to rely on, I am ur hubby and I opened a way for u to get money easily, yet u didn't make any effort to redeem the opportunity, omo she hung up on me then later called back that she gathered few pennies she had to get the ticket, I was now like why didn't u just say this instead of putting me on pressure over how to get money to convey u all the way from london to Luton, over an hour journey at night.

Secondly, on her next school day, she had previously told me prior to her closing hours that her data has finished and she's using schools wifi, that the moment she steps out from school to head home, she won't be having access to internet, etc WhatsApp and all of that, but importantly was to make use of GPS google map, that's what people over there use to navigate their way in order not to get lost, I was like without internet how do u intend to get to ur destination when u know how stressful it was for u getting lost the other day, now the same statement she made was, I will sort myself. I was raged and said woman I will ask my friend to buy u data so u can get home easy and safe, she said no proble, that she's leaving now, I said well since i wont be able to reach you on whats app, I will definitely call you on normal call shortly to give you the data pin to load. She said no P and hung up.

Moments later, my friend had sent me the data pin, na so I begin dey call wifey oo, over 15 missed calls she nor pick. Later she called back and said her phone was in her laptop bag and her hands were frozen so she couldnt put hands in the bag to pick the call and that she didn't even hear it ring.

The issue I posted up there are issues of not being accountable, and attitude of not showing that you don't need me when its not just about that but for security and your well being knowing fully well you are new in the country and proper guidelines needs to be taken.

Another incident happened 3rd week after her arrival, we were video chatting while she was on a train station waiting for train, next thing I noticed was a guy sitting BEHIND her, the guy boldly took a peep into her phone directly, seemingly trying to see who she was on video call with, immediately i called her attention to it, she just smiled and looked back and said silently, nawa some people for this London nor go mind their business. This very day developed a story that transitioned towards few things I will be stating.

The next sunday, I called her in the morin to say hi and all that, next thing I know she dun dey go church, she nor even discuss am with me and na wetin we dn agree on sey we fo jointly choose church wey we go dey go. After church service, she call me sey that guy wey i talk sey dey peep into her phone, sey the guy that very day asked her how long shes been there for, she said, just 3 weeks, sey how come she come take know road when him don dey 3months he nver know road, sey that same guy him coincidentally meet am for the new church wey she come so, sey the guy dey look am, she comot eye, but later the guy come meet am sey are u not the one that showed me way to where I was going. Sey as him meet the guy coincidentally for church, he fit be sey he get why, maybe for job connection or what not. I nor say anything, cos coincidences arent something new in this world. Then the next day, she call me sey that same guy needs an apartment, sey na married guy with 4 kids, but him wife and 1kid dey here, 3 dey nija them nor fit come yet until house is ready, sey him dey ask her if she can help him get someone that can reference for him to get a house, ha him my wife come dey ginger me sey make i help am talk to my friend wey help us reference if him go fit help the guy too. I come sey no problem, she sey she go call the guy now and put us on 3 way call, i sey no p, i come dey wait for call, no call come and madam nor talk again, i come ring her sey hafa u nor do the three way call again? She sey the guy dey work, him nor fit talk,sey she don give the guy my number to call me later, me come sey no p, send him number I go save am down so if he calls i go know sey na him, madam nor gree send number, I come dey wonder sey wetin dey sup sef, normally I nor spose reason ahead, but me my instict dey very strong, i come begin dey put two and two together sey maybe the guy intention was never to get help but to use style dey hit on my madam maybe na why him nor wan talk to me but wan use my madam dey take communicate.

I come ask madam some some questions on previous ish, I come find out sey small lie dey, so I tackler her sey the way she take explain to me about how him meet the guy for train station nor join, she come vex sey me i come am liar, omo as we dey talk for whatsapp, i nor blv sey my madam added this guy to the call without my consent or my knowledge, so as I dey talk, the guy dey the background, i nor even know anything and the dude himself kept quiet, na after the call finish, I see am for call details sey the guy was added to the call, infact the dude even called me directky i nor pick. Now i got very angry, come call madam sey wetin dey sup, u added this dude wey talk sey him dey work him nor fit talk to the call wey me and u dey on and u didnt even notify me, ok lets agree sey if to sey u wan tell me sey u wan add the guy for call sey i nor go gree sey maybe na why u add am without my consent, at least after u add am secretly, u are suppose to talk and sey bae, since u are accusing me wrongly.

I have added the guy to this call so he can clear me out, but she didnt, she just added the guy and the dude himself kept quiet and didnt say a word until I hung up. I got very furious and told her this is the highest level of see finish and dragging in the mud, wetin u want that guy to dey feel like now? She said shes sorry that she only wanted to clear herself, I was now like even if u wanted to clear urself, if that the best way to go about it, the person who is the subject matter is the best person u need to introduce to clear u out? Later on i just bone the matter come apologise sey make we move on, na so she come begin dey yarn plenty, sey she call the guy that my hubby said that the way we met is unreal, sey the guy sef come talk sey wow, so your husband already thinks am sleeping with you, but i cant blame u though, u know u have a big back side, so thoughts like that from him is likely not a surprise, i was hmmmm to hear that, i come tell madam sey if na true this guy talk this thing, shouldnt u already know he has corny itentions, she said well she too dey wonder cos the two times wey them meet she nor wear wetin fit show her bkside so how d guy come take know. The matter end there, next day madam still dey worry me sey shey I go still help d guy, I was like I cant even talk to him, u dun useless me already for him presence, she dey claim sey she nor do anything wrong by adding him to the call, sey the guy know of agency wey fit help me get better job if i arrive, and sey the guy talk sey if me fit connect am to my friend to reference am for house, him go link me up fr the agency. I talk sey i nor dey interested. Omo I weak. Guys I need advise on how to handle issues over there, cos me nor dey take nonsense for nija here, but for there, one needs to chill, but then should it now be sey because we dey live for country wey give woman power, make woman come use that opportunity come dey fumble?

Omo, you never see anything..


Na so one rubbish girl wey I been wan marry oo.
She been done leave America come stay my house for Abuja for 3 weeks, only for the girl to go Back Yankee come dey yarn rubbish say she dey do me "Favour" by marrying me unto say she be American Citizen, if she marry me I go get paper.


Naso I swear for her and her papa and her American Citizenship, if no be naija wey be as e dey, wetin person de find go abroad sotey woman go dey harrass man put join..

Me no get that kind patience oo. I remind myself say Lion in Jungle is better than Dog in City ooo


Cow wey rush go abroad fit come back as corned beef oo.


This Japa na miscalculation for some people but everybody just dey follow the Japa herd mentality.

I can't shout ooo, make woman no swnd u go jail for oyinbo man country oo

LyfeJennings:
There was no way she wouldn't mention the guy
First off, the guy need reference
second off, How do U add a total stranger to a private couple conversation and the guy no talk
Bro, won't do that to an Ashewo, how much more my girlfriend, not to talk of a wife
Third off,Between the lines, underneath the closet, if all this guy is saying is true
Bobo, Dem don shook that girl
the off calls
no data lies are all part of it
Dem fit never shook am too much o but won Ti do

Have you been to the UK? or outside the country

Thats my first question to you o

Amotolongbo:
All I can read here are
1. A lady who isn’t straight forward
2. A man who feels insecure

na so so insecure laadis sabi talk...imseciy insecure..next thing sh is pregnant... nonsense!

Op,with all due respect Sir. You're very stupid.

Get your ass to UK first before you carry woman matter on your head.

Let her do anyhow she likes. Shaa get to UK first. That's your objective right now.

Amotolongbo:
All I can read here are
1. A lady who isn’t straight forward
2. A man who feels insecure

How can you say he's insecure, it's like you haven't stayed out of Nigeria before and being the first time in a country you tend to make wrong or poor choice if you're not careful.
Again that's his wife, he has made a lot of investment over her.

How old is the Op's wife?
She behaves like a thoughtless child, imagine adding another man to listen to a personal call with your husband without telling the husband himself, where is the loyalty she is supposed to have in marriage? She just embarrassed her spouse and made him look stupid to another man.
And she is still relating with the guy and telling her husband to help him even when she knows the man has his eyes on her.

I wish you good luck ooo, Op. Sorry to say but you need to be very smart with her in your marriage after you get to UK.

Kuku stay here bros, no long talk. Bfr u see shege

Look inwards , in this life almost always that is where the problem is and that is what you can change.

Sadly you cannot control a human being even God cannot do that and does not try

hustla:
Have you been to the UK?

Thats my first question to you o

Pele o
Baba Londoner

Ask the google
Alaye, I never go there but got a woman and half of my family there so I know what I say
iGoing by all this nigga wrote
Dem don shook am.
Who calls his spouse 15times

Abroad will destroy you if you don't have a very strong foundation. Know the woman you take abroad.
People over there have little moral values and if you or your spouse don't have values also, goodbye.

Hmm, op, op. There is fire on the mountain. First, I can assure you that 2 months ago, UK was not that cold that your hand will get frozen, infact it was hot, just like naija. I was here in mid august to first week of September and so I know. Even now, I am back in the UK, it is cold but not very cold. Lowest so far 14 but average ly 18-22 degrees. In fact I just stepped out to smoke wearing normal cloths.
That said, what is her business assisting someone she does not know before get a referee? Oga those naija men in London don't waste time ohh. Seems your madam is enjoying her freedom and attention. Unfortunately a lot of married women will use that opportunity to taste other "things".
Women are doing it when in naija with their husband's how much more far away in another country where no one knows them.
My paddy that was shouting Sai baba those days cos he was doing well. Immediately buhari entered, every thing went bad. He sold every thing including his shop, SUV etc and did US visa for his family, they gave them. Big mistake, instead of him to go first, na him wife go, say when she work she go send money make them come. Long story short, 5 years now madam don lost for US. Even oga visa don expire. Always better for the hubby to go first or you all go together.
You sha, blind your eye and don't kill yourself with stress cos what will happen will happen. Try to get to UK very very fast if you wish to salvage your marriage. One you get there don't ask or probe further to avoid conflict. Get a job also do part-time schooling to upgrade yourself.
It is usually hard on the man at first, but when you find your feet and balanced financially, you should be good.

I really don't get the reason for this post. You are asking for advice from strangers who don't know your wife's character or yours for that matter. I think you already know the answer to the epistle you have written up there. Has your wife cheated on you throughout your marriage? Or have you previously been suspicious of her? Have you been a bad husband or father? Do you cheat on your wife? Do you beat your wife or have been abusive to her? If your answer to all the above is NO (be sincere to yourself), then there is nothing to worry about. Just continue to be the best version of yourself that you can be. Stop monitoring women, you will only give yourself high blood pressure. If she is cheating, it will surely be exposed someday. Not by mere speculation and amateur detective work you are doing without any concrete evidence.
As some posters have pointed out, you are projecting an aura of insecurity from your post. Abi your wife is so beautiful that it is making you restless/insecure in naija?
Someone gave me good advice a long time ago, "remove nose from woman pant, so that you won't smell her menses one day". In short focus on what you will do when you relocate and how to sustain your family.
Good luck bro

kbower:
Hi Nlanders

We all know no marriage is all that smooth and rosey, we all that are in it have challenges here and there, and for almost 11 years now, out of tolerance, ruggedity, minding my business in terms of taking care of the family have always been something that has held my marriage down, because the majority of the issue I have with my wife have always been issues of trust, transparency, accountability, respect and loyalty.

Some people will say with these things I have listed, that I may be asking for too much, but I can tell whoever would reason that way that it's not too much because am a responsible father/husband that have never for once strayed the family in anyway that will make me lack any of the above stated qualities a man can enjoy from a wife.

Why am I here? Ok.. After enduring so much for 11 years, we are relocating to the UK, she is the main applicant, myself and the 3 children are dependants, she traveled first, leaving myself and the 3 kids behind until she can secure accommodation b4 we leave.

I have heard about countless incidences of how SOME women treat their husbands and the POWER zoned to women in that country which makes it almost impossible for a man with a wife that gives him constant problem to be able to thrive in that country.

I just want to state three peculiar incidences that occured during her 1month stay over there that is already making me feel I have alot to face over there, though I know my God is bigger than anything, I just want people that are over there, or people that are experienced here and all over who are capable of handing a good advise for me on getting there to know how I can fare and withstand what is to come.

Based on the above from the major incidences I have experienced with her, first two weeks of being there, she had gone to check a house b4 heading to school, on her way back to school, she claimed she didn't take enough money and going back home might not be possible, I asked how she would wanna go about it
and she replied saying I will borrow money from Mr Mike, a man she just met at school on her first day of registration. I was like that's wrong, you don't form familiarity with someone you just met in another man's country, I said I will call a friend in liverpool to send you money and you could get your train ticket. She fumed, but I stood my ground and said that's how its going to be. I have asked her to collect a friends account details, since she has not opened an account yet, she said when her class finishes by 8.30pm she'll request details from her friend so the money can be sent. Fast forward to closing period, I messaged her to send me details, she ignored, I called ad she said nobody has an account that I should not worry she will sort herself, I was now like you just got to that country, u have no friends that u know too well to rely on, I am ur hubby and I opened a way for u to get money easily, yet u didn't make any effort to redeem the opportunity, omo she hung up on me then later called back that she gathered few pennies she had to get the ticket, I was now like why didn't u just say this instead of putting me on pressure over how to get money to convey u all the way from london to Luton, over an hour journey at night.

Secondly, on her next school day, she had previously told me prior to her closing hours that her data has finished and she's using schools wifi, that the moment she steps out from school to head home, she won't be having access to internet, etc WhatsApp and all of that, but importantly was to make use of GPS google map, that's what people over there use to navigate their way in order not to get lost, I was like without internet how do u intend to get to ur destination when u know how stressful it was for u getting lost the other day, now the same statement she made was, I will sort myself. I was raged and said woman I will ask my friend to buy u data so u can get home easy and safe, she said no proble, that she's leaving now, I said well since i wont be able to reach you on whats app, I will definitely call you on normal call shortly to give you the data pin to load. She said no P and hung up.

Moments later, my friend had sent me the data pin, na so I begin dey call wifey oo, over 15 missed calls she nor pick. Later she called back and said her phone was in her laptop bag and her hands were frozen so she couldnt put hands in the bag to pick the call and that she didn't even hear it ring.

The issue I posted up there are issues of not being accountable, and attitude of not showing that you don't need me when its not just about that but for security and your well being knowing fully well you are new in the country and proper guidelines needs to be taken.

Another incident happened 3rd week after her arrival, we were video chatting while she was on a train station waiting for train, next thing I noticed was a guy sitting BEHIND her, the guy boldly took a peep into her phone directly, seemingly trying to see who she was on video call with, immediately i called her attention to it, she just smiled and looked back and said silently, nawa some people for this London nor go mind their business. This very day developed a story that transitioned towards few things I will be stating.

The next sunday, I called her in the morin to say hi and all that, next thing I know she dun dey go church, she nor even discuss am with me and na wetin we dn agree on sey we fo jointly choose church wey we go dey go. After church service, she call me sey that guy wey i talk sey dey peep into her phone, sey the guy that very day asked her how long shes been there for, she said, just 3 weeks, sey how come she come take know road when him don dey 3months he nver know road, sey that same guy him coincidentally meet am for the new church wey she come so, sey the guy dey look am, she comot eye, but later the guy come meet am sey are u not the one that showed me way to where I was going. Sey as him meet the guy coincidentally for church, he fit be sey he get why, maybe for job connection or what not. I nor say anything, cos coincidences arent something new in this world. Then the next day, she call me sey that same guy needs an apartment, sey na married guy with 4 kids, but him wife and 1kid dey here, 3 dey nija them nor fit come yet until house is ready, sey him dey ask her if she can help him get someone that can reference for him to get a house, ha him my wife come dey ginger me sey make i help am talk to my friend wey help us reference if him go fit help the guy too. I come sey no problem, she sey she go call the guy now and put us on 3 way call, i sey no p, i come dey wait for call, no call come and madam nor talk again, i come ring her sey hafa u nor do the three way call again? She sey the guy dey work, him nor fit talk,sey she don give the guy my number to call me later, me come sey no p, send him number I go save am down so if he calls i go know sey na him, madam nor gree send number, I come dey wonder sey wetin dey sup sef, normally I nor spose reason ahead, but me my instict dey very strong, i come begin dey put two and two together sey maybe the guy intention was never to get help but to use style dey hit on my madam maybe na why him nor wan talk to me but wan use my madam dey take communicate.

I come ask madam some some questions on previous ish, I come find out sey small lie dey, so I tackler her sey the way she take explain to me about how him meet the guy for train station nor join, she come vex sey me i come am liar, omo as we dey talk for whatsapp, i nor blv sey my madam added this guy to the call without my consent or my knowledge, so as I dey talk, the guy dey the background, i nor even know anything and the dude himself kept quiet, na after the call finish, I see am for call details sey the guy was added to the call, infact the dude even called me directky i nor pick. Now i got very angry, come call madam sey wetin dey sup, u added this dude wey talk sey him dey work him nor fit talk to the call wey me and u dey on and u didnt even notify me, ok lets agree sey if to sey u wan tell me sey u wan add the guy for call sey i nor go gree sey maybe na why u add am without my consent, at least after u add am secretly, u are suppose to talk and sey bae, since u are accusing me wrongly.

I have added the guy to this call so he can clear me out, but she didnt, she just added the guy and the dude himself kept quiet and didnt say a word until I hung up. I got very furious and told her this is the highest level of see finish and dragging in the mud, wetin u want that guy to dey feel like now? She said shes sorry that she only wanted to clear herself, I was now like even if u wanted to clear urself, if that the best way to go about it, the person who is the subject matter is the best person u need to introduce to clear u out? Later on i just bone the matter come apologise sey make we move on, na so she come begin dey yarn plenty, sey she call the guy that my hubby said that the way we met is unreal, sey the guy sef come talk sey wow, so your husband already thinks am sleeping with you, but i cant blame u though, u know u have a big back side, so thoughts like that from him is likely not a surprise, i was hmmmm to hear that, i come tell madam sey if na true this guy talk this thing, shouldnt u already know he has corny itentions, she said well she too dey wonder cos the two times wey them meet she nor wear wetin fit show her bkside so how d guy come take know. The matter end there, next day madam still dey worry me sey shey I go still help d guy, I was like I cant even talk to him, u dun useless me already for him presence, she dey claim sey she nor do anything wrong by adding him to the call, sey the guy know of agency wey fit help me get better job if i arrive, and sey the guy talk sey if me fit connect am to my friend to reference am for house, him go link me up fr the agency. I talk sey i nor dey interested. Omo I weak. Guys I need advise on how to handle issues over there, cos me nor dey take nonsense for nija here, but for there, one needs to chill, but then should it now be sey because we dey live for country wey give woman power, make woman come use that opportunity come dey fumble?

..If your story is correct...These are what I think are wrong...
✓Your wife is naive
✓You guys have trust issues
✓You and your wife are almost age mates and still very young in marriage.
✓You are scared of your wife
✓I suspect that your wife has feelings for that guy and it's matter of time before she begin sleeping with him if she hasn't even started.
✓Your wife lacks respect for your person.

If I will advise you ehen.... I will suggest you stay back in Nigeria with the children unless you don't have any productive job here...I don't want to put ideas into your head but seems this guy is becoming a permanent fixture in your home....You need to watch it

Abroad will destroy you if you don't have a very strong foundation. Know the woman you take abroad.
People over there have little moral values and if you or your spouse don't have values also, goodbye.
As for your case, your woman seems very naive and naive women usually end up being used and dumped. Be warned.

the majority of the issue I have with my wife have always been issues of trust, transparency, accountability, respect and loyalty.


The issues u listed above are critical to having peaceful marriage. Now that you will be living in UK together very soon, it will be like chasing your old pet fish in an ocean after u released it into it.

The fish has gotten unimaginable freedom and will be hard to catch, tame and control, that is if u ever catch it again.

Truth be told, you can't treat your wife anyhow you feel in a western country. They give women so much power.

I plan to marry my girlfriend of over 5 years by March next year and file for her to migrate to the US. When she comes, I plan to sponsor her to become a Registered Nurse...I have begged her to behave herself once she enters the United States, and above all stay away from all these white women. Most of them are the ones spoiling our wives who migrate over here.

Let this sink to your head man, that your wife will be working as you in abroad, you will lose your authority as a man, she might even be earning more than you are. It's by grace for a working woman to still respect you as the husband and family head. Obodo oyibo no be Africa, just know anything can happen over there, when a woman is empowered, her loyalty and respect to her husband will be downgraded. I can never emigrate with my wife abroad. We Africans are not wired as the West pertaining to women being subservient to their husbands

Just follow the objective first get your family your kids out of this hell hole.Just follow the objective first get your family your kids out of this hell hole....

OP too dey talk. Chai reading your post I wonder why some men too dey talk like parrot. Manything dey play for your head. Even if your woman is clean as e dey you go still dey doubt am.
Your matter be like person wey dey on a ladder who come dey fight person wey dey help am hold ladder. Shebi you go come down first before you start to dey fight the person wey help you hold ladder.
Op No get sense at all.

You have a problem writing in English? Posting such a long epistle in pidgin. That was difficult to read mehn. Nonsense.

As to asking your friends abroad to provide a reference for a stranger,that is a no no. That is the height of stupidity to do that. He should go and ask for reference from his own contacts.

If you love yourself, don't go abroad, let her finish her masters and come back here. Check out threads about men that kill their wife's abroad after sponsoring them in school due to see finish, I am sure you don't want to end that way.

Heathrow44:
U are very stupid, Thats why women are a bit wiser, they have set objectives when they enter into relationships and marriages,.that's how men should be, ur no1 priority is to get to the UK with ur kids as dependants, Start making connections and if its not working BTW u do, u sort urslf out in London, Thats ur main objective, this is a SMO and ur objectives should be ear and precise, dont be distracted, play along till u get to UK

Why did you add "you are very stupid"?

kbower:
Hi Nlanders

Omo... You deh see shege.

kbower:
Hi Nlanders

My brother, don't over stress yourself. No even think am. Carry eye, carry mind.

This is what we always tell folks who don't drink or womanize. They tend to stress up unnecessarily. Don't spoil your marriage with overzealousness.

Get there first before all this assumption. Enjoy yourself, don't give room for unnecessary pressure. You go just die early. Everything you've stated here are just assumption and it is very easy to manipulate you because you always jump to conclusion.

Relax, enjoy your life and stop listening to stupid stories. You've chosen this path already. No go kill yourself

Ebubu:
omo kukuma dey for nigeria where u get better authority to stamp ur feet as a man.

abroad no send you and at a yielding point, ur wife go take advantage of that society cos seeing it as she is, she get strong head and “i can do it on my own head”.


stubbornness dey her blood

i’ve dated her type

The only thing I will tell you is that even in Nigeria here women who have better jobs are not loyal to their husbands.
Example 80% of the married women who got job with me in Nigeria here are all divorced. Immediately they saw over 300k as basic salary 9 years ago, they started divorcing their husbands.
So if it can happen in Nigeria then think about UK.
Let me inform you that your wife will do nursing to earn more money and UK government does not joke with nurses so they earn higher. If you can not get job in oil firm there you must be loyal or she will deal with you

Bros your wife go show you pepper for that UK ��. She will openly cheat and there's nothing you gonna do about it.

4ward4:
I feel sorry for you, because you are a good principled husband whose family interest is number 1.
I learnt never to be at the mercy of a Woman, Las Las you will be disgraced. Reason why you can't find a woman picking up a man from the trenches and transforming his Life. But 70% of men are stock with broke women but joy giver.
It is natural, women are attracted to superior men and men are attracted to weak and shy women.Reason why one particular Religion subdue women, the know the exact power of a woman in whoring around (sorry that might be too harsh and I intend no disrespect, but it is a fact for some good amount of women)
Her recent display is of serious concern and to be honest, it won't be an easy ride for you. Marriage is like a Ship and you the man Is the captain never for once hand this over to a woman, that you just did.

I wish I know you in person, you are a very knowledgeable person...

I figure out something about my family.... She's based in PH when I meet her, I was, and still based in Lagos... I went to PH for the first time because of her, but one thing I figured out was, she's always the boss in PH,I don't always have a say..because I don't know anywhere there.. she always control what I need to do....

But whenever she comes to Lagos , she's always calm and gentle, she always follow my instructions because she don't know anywhere here...So, after weighing both sides, I had to relocate her to Lagos permanently..

Back to this man's story, I think he just gave his wife the family's power which is supposed to be with him just for greener pastures....

kbower:
Hi Nlanders

We all know no marriage is all that smooth and rosey, we all that are in it have challenges here and there, and for almost 11 years now, out of tolerance, ruggedity, minding my business in terms of taking care of the family have always been something that has held my marriage down, because the majority of the issue I have with my wife have always been issues of trust, transparency, accountability, respect and loyalty.

Some people will say with these things I have listed, that I may be asking for too much, but I can tell whoever would reason that way that it's not too much because am a responsible father/husband that have never for once strayed the family in anyway that will make me lack any of the above stated qualities a man can enjoy from a wife.

Why am I here? Ok.. After enduring so much for 11 years, we are relocating to the UK, she is the main applicant, myself and the 3 children are dependants, she traveled first, leaving myself and the 3 kids behind until she can secure accommodation b4 we leave.

I have heard about countless incidences of how SOME women treat their husbands and the POWER zoned to women in that country which makes it almost impossible for a man with a wife that gives him constant problem to be able to thrive in that country.

I just want to state three peculiar incidences that occured during her 1month stay over there that is already making me feel I have alot to face over there, though I know my God is bigger than anything, I just want people that are over there, or people that are experienced here and all over who are capable of handing a good advise for me on getting there to know how I can fare and withstand what is to come.

Based on the above from the major incidences I have experienced with her, first two weeks of being there, she had gone to check a house b4 heading to school, on her way back to school, she claimed she didn't take enough money and going back home might not be possible, I asked how she would wanna go about it
and she replied saying I will borrow money from Mr Mike, a man she just met at school on her first day of registration. I was like that's wrong, you don't form familiarity with someone you just met in another man's country, I said I will call a friend in liverpool to send you money and you could get your train ticket. She fumed, but I stood my ground and said that's how its going to be. I have asked her to collect a friends account details, since she has not opened an account yet, she said when her class finishes by 8.30pm she'll request details from her friend so the money can be sent. Fast forward to closing period, I messaged her to send me details, she ignored, I called ad she said nobody has an account that I should not worry she will sort herself, I was now like you just got to that country, u have no friends that u know too well to rely on, I am ur hubby and I opened a way for u to get money easily, yet u didn't make any effort to redeem the opportunity, omo she hung up on me then later called back that she gathered few pennies she had to get the ticket, I was now like why didn't u just say this instead of putting me on pressure over how to get money to convey u all the way from london to Luton, over an hour journey at night.

Secondly, on her next school day, she had previously told me prior to her closing hours that her data has finished and she's using schools wifi, that the moment she steps out from school to head home, she won't be having access to internet, etc WhatsApp and all of that, but importantly was to make use of GPS google map, that's what people over there use to navigate their way in order not to get lost, I was like without internet how do u intend to get to ur destination when u know how stressful it was for u getting lost the other day, now the same statement she made was, I will sort myself. I was raged and said woman I will ask my friend to buy u data so u can get home easy and safe, she said no proble, that she's leaving now, I said well since i wont be able to reach you on whats app, I will definitely call you on normal call shortly to give you the data pin to load. She said no P and hung up.

Moments later, my friend had sent me the data pin, na so I begin dey call wifey oo, over 15 missed calls she nor pick. Later she called back and said her phone was in her laptop bag and her hands were frozen so she couldnt put hands in the bag to pick the call and that she didn't even hear it ring.

The issue I posted up there are issues of not being accountable, and attitude of not showing that you don't need me when its not just about that but for security and your well being knowing fully well you are new in the country and proper guidelines needs to be taken.

Another incident happened 3rd week after her arrival, we were video chatting while she was on a train station waiting for train, next thing I noticed was a guy sitting BEHIND her, the guy boldly took a peep into her phone directly, seemingly trying to see who she was on video call with, immediately i called her attention to it, she just smiled and looked back and said silently, nawa some people for this London nor go mind their business. This very day developed a story that transitioned towards few things I will be stating.

The next sunday, I called her in the morin to say hi and all that, next thing I know she dun dey go church, she nor even discuss am with me and na wetin we dn agree on sey we fo jointly choose church wey we go dey go. After church service, she call me sey that guy wey i talk sey dey peep into her phone, sey the guy that very day asked her how long shes been there for, she said, just 3 weeks, sey how come she come take know road when him don dey 3months he nver know road, sey that same guy him coincidentally meet am for the new church wey she come so, sey the guy dey look am, she comot eye, but later the guy come meet am sey are u not the one that showed me way to where I was going. Sey as him meet the guy coincidentally for church, he fit be sey he get why, maybe for job connection or what not. I nor say anything, cos coincidences arent something new in this world. Then the next day, she call me sey that same guy needs an apartment, sey na married guy with 4 kids, but him wife and 1kid dey here, 3 dey nija them nor fit come yet until house is ready, sey him dey ask her if she can help him get someone that can reference for him to get a house, ha him my wife come dey ginger me sey make i help am talk to my friend wey help us reference if him go fit help the guy too. I come sey no problem, she sey she go call the guy now and put us on 3 way call, i sey no p, i come dey wait for call, no call come and madam nor talk again, i come ring her sey hafa u nor do the three way call again? She sey the guy dey work, him nor fit talk,sey she don give the guy my number to call me later, me come sey no p, send him number I go save am down so if he calls i go know sey na him, madam nor gree send number, I come dey wonder sey wetin dey sup sef, normally I nor spose reason ahead, but me my instict dey very strong, i come begin dey put two and two together sey maybe the guy intention was never to get help but to use style dey hit on my madam maybe na why him nor wan talk to me but wan use my madam dey take communicate.

I come ask madam some some questions on previous ish, I come find out sey small lie dey, so I tackler her sey the way she take explain to me about how him meet the guy for train station nor join, she come vex sey me i come am liar, omo as we dey talk for whatsapp, i nor blv sey my madam added this guy to the call without my consent or my knowledge, so as I dey talk, the guy dey the background, i nor even know anything and the dude himself kept quiet, na after the call finish, I see am for call details sey the guy was added to the call, infact the dude even called me directky i nor pick. Now i got very angry, come call madam sey wetin dey sup, u added this dude wey talk sey him dey work him nor fit talk to the call wey me and u dey on and u didnt even notify me, ok lets agree sey if to sey u wan tell me sey u wan add the guy for call sey i nor go gree sey maybe na why u add am without my consent, at least after u add am secretly, u are suppose to talk and sey bae, since u are accusing me wrongly.

I have added the guy to this call so he can clear me out, but she didnt, she just added the guy and the dude himself kept quiet and didnt say a word until I hung up. I got very furious and told her this is the highest level of see finish and dragging in the mud, wetin u want that guy to dey feel like now? She said shes sorry that she only wanted to clear herself, I was now like even if u wanted to clear urself, if that the best way to go about it, the person who is the subject matter is the best person u need to introduce to clear u out? Later on i just bone the matter come apologise sey make we move on, na so she come begin dey yarn plenty, sey she call the guy that my hubby said that the way we met is unreal, sey the guy sef come talk sey wow, so your husband already thinks am sleeping with you, but i cant blame u though, u know u have a big back side, so thoughts like that from him is likely not a surprise, i was hmmmm to hear that, i come tell madam sey if na true this guy talk this thing, shouldnt u already know he has corny itentions, she said well she too dey wonder cos the two times wey them meet she nor wear wetin fit show her bkside so how d guy come take know. The matter end there, next day madam still dey worry me sey shey I go still help d guy, I was like I cant even talk to him, u dun useless me already for him presence, she dey claim sey she nor do anything wrong by adding him to the call, sey the guy know of agency wey fit help me get better job if i arrive, and sey the guy talk sey if me fit connect am to my friend to reference am for house, him go link me up fr the agency. I talk sey i nor dey interested. Omo I weak. Guys I need advise on how to handle issues over there, cos me nor dey take nonsense for nija here, but for there, one needs to chill, but then should it now be sey because we dey live for country wey give woman power, make woman come use that opportunity come dey fumble?

I took time to read through

As much as all your feelings are valid, remember also that it's hard for her too.
She's in a new place with no family nor friend... Take it easy on her o.
Especially if she wasn't like this when she was in Nigeria. You know your wife better than all of us.
I'm sure if you didn't think she was worth it, you'd not be making all these sacrifices for both of you.

Pray for her, support her as much as you can.

I hope y'all meet again in happiness and get good testimonies

Don't let anyone poison your mind

dazzlingd:
I don’t know how you men agree to become dependent to a woman and follow her to UK, aren’t you a man. The African in you says you are the man and a woman should follow and support your dreams not the other way. You cannot import western standard to an African, there won’t be balance. When Nigerian girls get abroad, the freedom run them crazy and they can’t sustain it.

...You get sense so?? If the man is the principal applicant...pray where will the financial resources come out from He is making sacrifices for the family to be better ,and he doesn't deserve this treachery from her.