₦airaland Forum

Samantha123:
Please, learn to respect other people's cultures.

That's why you have tribalism in Nigeria, you don't respect each other's cultures.

Fortunately, where I'm from most of our cultures are similar.. so, I can marry anywhere in the country.

But I'll still let the guy know when we're still dating.

Good

An elderly sick mother requires more than just a maid.

She needs both a maid and a live in nurse, or someone who is professionally trained to look after elderly people.

Acidosis:
This is a lazy man talk. Men who accommodate their mother, more often than not, have enough to hire a maid.

So what are you "taking care of..?" Are you a nurse?

I repeat, respect other people's cultures.

If that's my son in law's family belief, then I'll respect it.. where we're from we respect each other's cultures.

Acidosis:
What if, in your son-in-law's family, mother in law's like you are not allowed? Think about it.

Rather than dwell in your inhumane culture, why don't you examine the issue from a more humanistic viewpoint?

If your mother in-law cannot live in her own son's house, it's only proper to stay away from marriage. No responsible man will listen to your cultural bullcrap and date you for the right reasons.

VenumX:
Marry your mama. Easier that way.

If for ur side una d marry una mama, here in my place is a taboo.

ObiaboAdoka:
If for ur side una d marry una mama, here in my place is a taboo.

it's also a taboo to care for your mum yourself abi?
Ingrate.

Samantha123:
I repeat, respect other people's cultures.

If that's my son in law's family belief, then I'll respect it.. where we're from we respect each other's cultures.

That mentality you are describing here is not about culture. It's just a show of not being supportive to your partner.

I doubt any sensible man will hear a lady talk like that about this issue during courtship and still marry such lady and vice versa.

Both husband and wife should take care of their parents together as a supportive team they are meant to be.

A lot of those women are happily married right now..

We can still take care of our parents while they still live in their house.

And what's wrong with a mother going to live with one of her daughters

Helpout12345:
That mentality you are describing here is not about culture. It's just a show of not being supportive to your partner.

I doubt any sensible man will hear a lady talk like that about this issue during courtship and still marry such lady and vice versa.

Both husband and wife should take care of their parents together as a supportive team they are meant to be.

Samantha123:
A lot of those women are happily married right now..

We can still take care of our parents while they still live in their house.

And what's wrong with a mother going to live with one of her daughters

I don't care where the parents live or where the daughter or son take care of them from, in this discussion.

I only care when you say "you will take care of your mother alone while your husband takes care of his mother alone". That's not a good mentality for marriage. That's an unsupportive wife or husband's mentality.

Both you and your husband are supposed to take care of your parents together as a team.

As long as the parents live in their house, then we can contribute something to make sure that they're well taken cared of.. we can even hire someone professional to help look after them when they become too old to look after themselves.

But if they want to live with their kids, my in laws should go and live with their daughters because they're not my responsibility.

Helpout12345:
I don't care where the parents live or where the daughter or son take care of them from, in this discussion.

I only care when you say "you will take care of your mother alone while your husband takes care of his mother alone". That's not a good mentality for marriage. That's an unsupportive wife or husband's mentality.

Both you and your husband are supposed to take care of your parents together as a team.

Samantha123:
As long as the parents live in their house, then we can contribute something to make sure that they're well taken cared of.. we can even hire someone professional to help look after them when they become too old to look after themselves.

But if they want to live with their kids, my in laws should go and live with their daughters because they're not my responsibility.

Good at the bolded. That's what matters the most.

U see this table enh
Every year people keep discussing it still no solution

I'm not that evil..

Helpout12345:
Good at the bolded. That's what matters the most.

finishmatter:
Let's face it!

A mother generally loves you no matter what horrors you commit. She would even take a bullet for you while your wife is more likely to put a bullet IN you.

A mother's love is generally unconditional. A wife's love has conditions - one slip up and you could find yourself on your backside.

A mother still loves you even after you fall in love with your wife.

A mom is a mom forever!!!.

But how does it feel if you have to beg your wife to bring your sick mom to your house for care


https://punchng.com/winning-marriage-battle/

Unless I am a doctor or a nurse why am I bringing my sick mother to the house.
This has to be planned and discussed! How sick is the mother ? Is a nurse hired to look after the mum. ? Is the wife a career woman ? are there kids , does she need round the clock care . ?
Is she undergoing cancer treatment ?
Guys - let me tell you my typical schedule
1. Wake up 6am
2. Kids wake up 6:30
3 . Kids eat , dress out to school bus at 7:15
4. I leave house 7:30am
5. Significant O leaves house 8am.
6. Neighbor picks up kids at 3:30pmz
7. Nanny watches the kid till 6pm.
8. We both arrive 6/6:15pm.
9. Dinner at 7pm
10. Kids have swimming, karate, soccer practice 3 days of the week.
Where in earth in a day do I have time to chill ? And who takes care of her when we are away ?

VenumX:
it's also a taboo to care for your mum yourself abi?
Ingrate.

Been my wife u r me nd i am also u. D both shall bcum one body. As my flesh nd helpmate my mum is ur mum urs is mine. U ought to take care of my mum like urs. We shouldn't argue over dis. We r Africans nd we got tradition binding us not like d whites who clamour for gender equality.

Samantha123:
I repeat, respect other people's cultures.

If that's my son in law's family belief, then I'll respect it.. where we're from we respect each other's cultures.

My only concern is that people like you hide your culture (or character) under religion and pretence. You only unveil this belief system in your marriage, especially when age is no longer on your side.

Though I go to church, I'm not the religious type.. so, I'll never hide anything under religion, in fact, I hate it when people use religion as an excuse.

And I'm an open book, when I'm dating a guy, I tell him everything.

I'm also not good at pretending because it gets tiring.

Acidosis:
My only concern is that people like you hide your culture (or character) under religion and pretence. You only unveil this belief system in your marriage, especially when age is no longer on your side.

You guys don't understand what marriage is.

When we get married, we make a vow that we're gonna leave our parents behind and start a new life of our own, without any family members.

There's no vow that says our parents are gonna follow us to where we live and live with us after marriage.

But if it needs be, then every mother should go to her daughter because I'll not be looking after someone else's mother.

Acidosis:
My only concern is that people like you hide your culture (or character) under religion and pretence. You only unveil this belief system in your marriage, especially when age is no longer on your side.

Samantha123:
You guys don't understand what marriage is.

When we get married, we make a vow that we're gonna leave our parents behind and start a new life of our own, without any family members.

There's no vow that says our parents are gonna follow us to where we live and live with us after marriage.

But if it needs be, then every mother should go to her daughter because I'll not be looking after someone else's mother.

Not every mother has a daughter. Secondly, fathers also need care so when you say you won't look after someone else's mother, you should realize that fathers also get sick and need their son's assistance. You can't stop that.

Like I also mentioned, you cannot stop a man from taking in his mother or father at any point in time. You can only hide under "I will not look after her/him." Any man that has enough room in his house to accommodate his father would not really need you to do any extras. You're not a nurse, a doctor, or anything so I still do not understand your point.

Some wives can't even take care of themselves without the help of a maid in the first place so leave that concern for the maid to handle. They know what to do.

Are you afraid of the "taking care" part or the idea of seeing your in-laws in your home?

Nice one Samantha123.

Samantha123:
Though I go to church, I'm not the religious type.. so, I'll never hide anything under religion, in fact, I hate it when people use religion as an excuse.

And I'm an open book, when I'm dating a guy, I tell him everything.

I'm also not good at pretending because it gets tiring.

Wait, you're a South African?

I don't think my arguments would apply to a non Nigerian. Sorry.

If she doesn't have a daughter, then it's her last born son's wife's responsibility to do so and I don't do last borns or only sons.

I have no issues with the father coming to stay with us, as long as the son takes care of him..

Immidiately an elderly parent comes to stay with his or her kids, it means he or she can't properly look after him or herself anymore and he or she requires assistance maybe with bathing, walking, and even in being taken to the toilet.

And most fathers are good at minding their business, unlike mothers.

Acidosis:
Not every mother has a daughter. Secondly, fathers also need care so when you say you won't look after someone else's mother, you should realize that fathers also get sick and need their son's assistance. You can't stop that.

Like I also mentioned, you cannot stop a man from taking in his mother or father at any point in time. You can only hide under "I will not look after her/him." Any man that has enough room in his house to accommodate his father would not really need you to do any extras. You're not a nurse, a doctor, or anything so I still do not understand your point.

Some wives can't even take care of themselves without the help of a maid in the first place so leave that concern for the maid to handle. They know what to do.

Are you afraid of the "taking care" part or the idea of seeing your in-laws in your home?

Yes, I'm a South African..

Acidosis:
Wait, you're a South African?

I don't think my arguments would apply to a non Nigerian. Sorry.

Thanks..

Jovialjune1:
Nice one Samantha123.

Samantha123:
Yes, I'm a South African..

I should have asked earlier. I guess your argument is a common practice in your country. In Nigeria, it's not a common practice to put aged parents in old people's home when the children are very much around. The cost implication (which many can't afford) is also a concern.

But the mothers can still go to their daughters and fathers to their sons.

But anyway, our cultures are different.

Acidosis:


I should have asked earlier. I guess your argument is a common practice in your country. In Nigeria, it's not a common practice to put aged parents in old people's home when the children are very much around. The cost implication (which many can't afford) is also a concern.

Helpout12345:
I don't care where the parents live or where the daughter or son take care of them from, in this discussion.

I only care when you say "you will take care of your mother alone while your husband takes care of his mother alone". That's not a good mentality for marriage. That's an unsupportive wife or husband's mentality.

Both you and your husband are supposed to take care of your parents together as a team.

it is not right to bring a sick parent to the house, and expect a busy wife and mom to take care of that parent, because the burden will always fall on the woman no matter how much you try to paint it. This is how marital issues occurs. Please try to use wisdom when discussing marital issues.

Samantha123:
Either I'm gonna hire a professional to look after my mother when she gets old, or I'll take her to an elderly care home nearby where I'll be staying, so I could visit her every week.

Elderly people can be very tiring and irritating, trust me when I say you wouldn't want to live with any of them.

Ever since my grandmother moved into our family house, there has not been any peace.. she managed to turn her own daughter's kids against each other and she'd insult my mother, her daughter whenever she does something she doesn't like.

Mom is even praying for her mother's demise because she's tired.

You grandmother is a witch, no wonder she's irritating. Nor be so e be everywhere

Ehya... Now I see your family tree. No wonder you behave like this... E affect u small

ObiaboAdoka:
Young lady remember one day u will also become a mother in-law oo. As For me, i don't need my wife consent to bring my mom to stay with us period.

try it first and see the problems it will bring to your home. Never ever bring your mother to live in your marital home… it is very wrong! Your wife shouldn’t try the same too. They can visit, but they can’t stay. If your mother is sick, siblings should work together to get the best possible treatment for her. Wife can also put in her judgement and help. But it is wrong for a mother to pack her load into her child’s marital home, unless it’s a critical life and death situation and she has no where else to go.

Okay.

BusinessPlan22:
You grandmother is a witch, no wonder she's irritating. Nor be so e be everywhere

Ehya... Now I see your family tree. No wonder you behave like this... E affect u small

Samantha123:
But the mothers can still go to their daughters and fathers to their sons.

But anyway, our cultures are different.

I see.

You'll need to be very tolerant on Nairaland due to cultural clashes.

Don't worry about that.

I really enjoyed our arguments anyway..

We argue and learn.

Acidosis:
I see.

You'll need to be very tolerant on Nairaland due to cultural clashes.

Samantha123:
Don't worry about that.

I really enjoyed our arguments anyway..

We argue and learn.

Really?


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