₦airaland Forum

fluffybaby:
So you know that men dish Bs on the average? Good thing women know how to stoop to conquer too

iykemoney90:
Oga allow your wife breathe mehn. Your own is too much, person wey Don born 3 for you, wetin else you dey look. You are just battling insecurity, nothing else

Thisthingcalled:
Please sir, I understand you have fears but understand your wife is navigating a new country on her own.
The pressure to get it right is very overwhelming.
She needs friends and friends and friends who have navigated this route before her, irrespective of their gender.
Even as a man, you will be lost for the first few months abroad. You won't understand the train, buses, how to fix some paper works etc and people have to put you through. Unfortunately being a woman, its easier to assume she's playing around when all she's prolly doing is finding her feet and weda you agree or not, men, even those that want her, would have their uses and because she isn't close to you, everything would look magnified because you have time on your hands to wonder, meanwhile all shes doing is trying to figure out her stay.
You living in Nigeria CANNOT do it all for her , she needs to find her feet by herself, to make even your own path easier when u eventually arrive.

For your own sake, PERISH THE NEED TO GIVE HER INSTRUCTIONS AND EXPECT COMPLIANCE. It won't work because she too is figuring it out, and u in Nigeria thinks you have the solution? she wears the shoe, she know how it pinches. This is not about being a man, its reality. What u think should work from your bedroom in Nigeria, may not work because Nigeria and UK is different.

Trust your wife....2months is too soon to begin to find fault.
She went to church without telling you? You truly expect a grown adult to take permission before attending church? Church that might be her only avenue to meet fellow Nigerians who may put through.

Truth is you may lose your marriage weda you live in kafanchan or Bangladesh but why you still have it, don't make your wife become irritated by your calls with your excessive need to keep her " accountable ".
I called you 2x you didn't pick....why? She explains
The next week.....she explains.
The next day, u call her by 7pm, she's not home yet. You begin to demand where she went.
Next week, you are vexed by her attending a church you didnt approve.
Next month, you want explanations as to why she was speaking with her male neighbor for more than 5mins.....she go tire for you quick, bc she is going through alot with no emotional support.


Wait till you get to the UK.....it might begin to make more sense to you when u miss for train station 6x in one month and come home tired and grumpy and somebody who should be saying sorry begins to lawyer you.

fayomim:
How will you feel if you noticed your wife isn't straight forward?

How will you feel if you noticed someone is about to knack your wife and your wife doesn't even care?

How will you feel if you are on a call and you suddenly notice third party added to the call with proper consent

People like you are rare

Thisthingcalled:
Please sir, I understand you have fears but understand your wife is navigating a new country on her own.
The pressure to get it right is very overwhelming.
She needs friends and friends and friends who have navigated this route before her, irrespective of their gender.
Even as a man, you will be lost for the first few months abroad. You won't understand the train, buses, how to fix some paper works etc and people have to put you through. Unfortunately being a woman, its easier to assume she's playing around when all she's prolly doing is finding her feet and weda you agree or not, men, even those that want her, would have their uses and because she isn't close to you, everything would look magnified because you have time on your hands to wonder, meanwhile all shes doing is trying to figure out her stay.
You living in Nigeria CANNOT do it all for her , she needs to find her feet by herself, to make even your own path easier when u eventually arrive.

For your own sake, PERISH THE NEED TO GIVE HER INSTRUCTIONS AND EXPECT COMPLIANCE. It won't work because she too is figuring it out, and u in Nigeria thinks you have the solution? she wears the shoe, she know how it pinches. This is not about being a man, its reality. What u think should work from your bedroom in Nigeria, may not work because Nigeria and UK is different.

Trust your wife....2months is too soon to begin to find fault.
She went to church without telling you? You truly expect a grown adult to take permission before attending church? Church that might be her only avenue to meet fellow Nigerians who may put through.

Truth is you may lose your marriage weda you live in kafanchan or Bangladesh but why you still have it, don't make your wife become irritated by your calls with your excessive need to keep her " accountable ".
I called you 2x you didn't pick....why? She explains
The next week.....she explains.
The next day, u call her by 7pm, she's not home yet. You begin to demand where she went.
Next week, you are vexed by her attending a church you didnt approve.
Next month, you want explanations as to why she was speaking with her male neighbor for more than 5mins.....she go tire for you quick, bc she is going through alot with no emotional support.


Wait till you get to the UK.....it might begin to make more sense to you when u miss for train station 6x in one month and come home tired and grumpy and somebody who should be saying sorry begins to lawyer you.

Nawttiboi007:
No go and kill her na... that’s why some people makes grave mistakes and later regrets. Have you been faithful to your wife all your life

advanceDNA:
U are just creating excuse for her.... .u sound like one of those men that overcompromose and blame themselves for every bad behavior from a woman.....its called being a foól or simp

while patience is needed here..blaming the man is wrong....his behaviour with his wife is not uncalled for....she's alone in another man's country runningnit challenges.... his worries is totally valid, trying to make things easy for her is normal....
.....if he doesnt show concern every step ...its the same woman that will come and complain of neglecting her and not showing her love.....

His wife added a stranger to their whatsapp chat? collecting money from him from.this so called stranger she just met....yet u are blaming the man......u are the small boy here worshipping the asś of a woman

fayomim:
Now I can see that people like you don't have better ways to handle women...

It is people like you that your wife will be knacking outside and you will be smiling here and there (I can be helping you knack your wife if you don't mind, just keep smiling)

It is the same people like you that your wife will bring home another man's child for you to cater for

There are more better ways of handling women but it seems the only way you know is beating and killing.

Well for me, that is not an option for me...maybe for you.


@op

If she doesn't listen and doesn't follow instructions which will endanger you directly then go for divorce.

Remember perseverance in marriage, nothing comes so easy

NemoDatQuod:
Why do some of you see a sleeping tiger, minding its own business and you go and wake it up?

If you've lived in the US for more than five to ten years, you have a different worldview, mindset and understanding of things than that woman you want to bring over. You are setting the stage for conflict that may invariably consume you.

Have you not seen all the beautiful, well mannered and well educated Nigerian girls in Atlanta, Houston, New York and Chicago, to mention a few?
When it starts, the first thing that will clear from your eyes will be love.

If you are going to go through with it, be sure you have come to terms with the possible outcome and that you will never resort to violence, but will simply walk away.

I don't understand you guys who go home to marry. is it inferiority complex or are you guys looking for a naive woman and are afraid of a strong, independent minded but respectful woman?

Mummyimbecile:
bro, this is a girl that stood by me when I was hustling in Nigeria, I can't just leave her. She has all the qualities I need in a woman.

Yusufisraelj:
Lastly I don't operate like other guys do, I vet my decision making process by higher standards and my confidence resides in those quarters, falsehood was designed by God to fail with time, a false lady shouldn't be around you for long, if that happens it's you that's the problem not the lady, because what's on you attracts what's around you.

Nawttiboi007:
You’re the only person here contradicting yourself cos obviously you don’t even understand yourself. Read ur previous message that I quoted.

duduade:
Stay back in Nigeria while the kids join their mother... You can be visiting them ....and vice versa where they can be visiting you in Nigeria

kbower:
Hi Nlanders

We all know no marriage is all that smooth and rosey, we all that are in it have challenges here and there, and for almost 11 years now, out of tolerance, ruggedity, minding my business in terms of taking care of the family have always been something that has held my marriage down, because the majority of the issue I have with my wife have always been issues of trust, transparency, accountability, respect and loyalty.

Some people will say with these things I have listed, that I may be asking for too much, but I can tell whoever would reason that way that it's not too much because am a responsible father/husband that have never for once strayed the family in anyway that will make me lack any of the above stated qualities a man can enjoy from a wife.

Why am I here? Ok.. After enduring so much for 11 years, we are relocating to the UK, she is the main applicant, myself and the 3 children are dependants, she traveled first, leaving myself and the 3 kids behind until she can secure accommodation b4 we leave.

I have heard about countless incidences of how SOME women treat their husbands and the POWER zoned to women in that country which makes it almost impossible for a man with a wife that gives him constant problem to be able to thrive in that country.

I just want to state three peculiar incidences that occured during her 1month stay over there that is already making me feel I have alot to face over there, though I know my God is bigger than anything, I just want people that are over there, or people that are experienced here and all over who are capable of handing a good advise for me on getting there to know how I can fare and withstand what is to come.

Based on the above from the major incidences I have experienced with her, first two weeks of being there, she had gone to check a house b4 heading to school, on her way back to school, she claimed she didn't take enough money and going back home might not be possible, I asked how she would wanna go about it
and she replied saying I will borrow money from Mr Mike, a man she just met at school on her first day of registration. I was like that's wrong, you don't form familiarity with someone you just met in another man's country, I said I will call a friend in liverpool to send you money and you could get your train ticket. She fumed, but I stood my ground and said that's how its going to be. I have asked her to collect a friends account details, since she has not opened an account yet, she said when her class finishes by 8.30pm she'll request details from her friend so the money can be sent. Fast forward to closing period, I messaged her to send me details, she ignored, I called ad she said nobody has an account that I should not worry she will sort herself, I was now like you just got to that country, u have no friends that u know too well to rely on, I am ur hubby and I opened a way for u to get money easily, yet u didn't make any effort to redeem the opportunity, omo she hung up on me then later called back that she gathered few pennies she had to get the ticket, I was now like why didn't u just say this instead of putting me on pressure over how to get money to convey u all the way from london to Luton, over an hour journey at night.

Secondly, on her next school day, she had previously told me prior to her closing hours that her data has finished and she's using schools wifi, that the moment she steps out from school to head home, she won't be having access to internet, etc WhatsApp and all of that, but importantly was to make use of GPS google map, that's what people over there use to navigate their way in order not to get lost, I was like without internet how do u intend to get to ur destination when u know how stressful it was for u getting lost the other day, now the same statement she made was, I will sort myself. I was raged and said woman I will ask my friend to buy u data so u can get home easy and safe, she said no proble, that she's leaving now, I said well since i wont be able to reach you on whats app, I will definitely call you on normal call shortly to give you the data pin to load. She said no P and hung up.

Moments later, my friend had sent me the data pin, na so I begin dey call wifey oo, over 15 missed calls she nor pick. Later she called back and said her phone was in her laptop bag and her hands were frozen so she couldnt put hands in the bag to pick the call and that she didn't even hear it ring.

The issue I posted up there are issues of not being accountable, and attitude of not showing that you don't need me when its not just about that but for security and your well being knowing fully well you are new in the country and proper guidelines needs to be taken.

Another incident happened 3rd week after her arrival, we were video chatting while she was on a train station waiting for train, next thing I noticed was a guy sitting BEHIND her, the guy boldly took a peep into her phone directly, seemingly trying to see who she was on video call with, immediately i called her attention to it, she just smiled and looked back and said silently, nawa some people for this London nor go mind their business. This very day developed a story that transitioned towards few things I will be stating.

The next sunday, I called her in the morin to say hi and all that, next thing I know she dun dey go church, she nor even discuss am with me and na wetin we dn agree on sey we fo jointly choose church wey we go dey go. After church service, she call me sey that guy wey i talk sey dey peep into her phone, sey the guy that very day asked her how long shes been there for, she said, just 3 weeks, sey how come she come take know road when him don dey 3months he nver know road, sey that same guy him coincidentally meet am for the new church wey she come so, sey the guy dey look am, she comot eye, but later the guy come meet am sey are u not the one that showed me way to where I was going. Sey as him meet the guy coincidentally for church, he fit be sey he get why, maybe for job connection or what not. I nor say anything, cos coincidences arent something new in this world. Then the next day, she call me sey that same guy needs an apartment, sey na married guy with 4 kids, but him wife and 1kid dey here, 3 dey nija them nor fit come yet until house is ready, sey him dey ask her if she can help him get someone that can reference for him to get a house, ha him my wife come dey ginger me sey make i help am talk to my friend wey help us reference if him go fit help the guy too. I come sey no problem, she sey she go call the guy now and put us on 3 way call, i sey no p, i come dey wait for call, no call come and madam nor talk again, i come ring her sey hafa u nor do the three way call again? She sey the guy dey work, him nor fit talk,sey she don give the guy my number to call me later, me come sey no p, send him number I go save am down so if he calls i go know sey na him, madam nor gree send number, I come dey wonder sey wetin dey sup sef, normally I nor spose reason ahead, but me my instict dey very strong, i come begin dey put two and two together sey maybe the guy intention was never to get help but to use style dey hit on my madam maybe na why him nor wan talk to me but wan use my madam dey take communicate.

I come ask madam some some questions on previous ish, I come find out sey small lie dey, so I tackler her sey the way she take explain to me about how him meet the guy for train station nor join, she come vex sey me i come am liar, omo as we dey talk for whatsapp, i nor blv sey my madam added this guy to the call without my consent or my knowledge, so as I dey talk, the guy dey the background, i nor even know anything and the dude himself kept quiet, na after the call finish, I see am for call details sey the guy was added to the call, infact the dude even called me directky i nor pick. Now i got very angry, come call madam sey wetin dey sup, u added this dude wey talk sey him dey work him nor fit talk to the call wey me and u dey on and u didnt even notify me, ok lets agree sey if to sey u wan tell me sey u wan add the guy for call sey i nor go gree sey maybe na why u add am without my consent, at least after u add am secretly, u are suppose to talk and sey bae, since u are accusing me wrongly.

I have added the guy to this call so he can clear me out, but she didnt, she just added the guy and the dude himself kept quiet and didnt say a word until I hung up. I got very furious and told her this is the highest level of see finish and dragging in the mud, wetin u want that guy to dey feel like now? She said shes sorry that she only wanted to clear herself, I was now like even if u wanted to clear urself, if that the best way to go about it, the person who is the subject matter is the best person u need to introduce to clear u out? Later on i just bone the matter come apologise sey make we move on, na so she come begin dey yarn plenty, sey she call the guy that my hubby said that the way we met is unreal, sey the guy sef come talk sey wow, so your husband already thinks am sleeping with you, but i cant blame u though, u know u have a big back side, so thoughts like that from him is likely not a surprise, i was hmmmm to hear that, i come tell madam sey if na true this guy talk this thing, shouldnt u already know he has corny itentions, she said well she too dey wonder cos the two times wey them meet she nor wear wetin fit show her bkside so how d guy come take know. The matter end there, next day madam still dey worry me sey shey I go still help d guy, I was like I cant even talk to him, u dun useless me already for him presence, she dey claim sey she nor do anything wrong by adding him to the call, sey the guy know of agency wey fit help me get better job if i arrive, and sey the guy talk sey if me fit connect am to my friend to reference am for house, him go link me up fr the agency. I talk sey i nor dey interested. Omo I weak. Guys I need advise on how to handle issues over there, cos me nor dey take nonsense for nija here, but for there, one needs to chill, but then should it now be sey because we dey live for country wey give woman power, make woman come use that opportunity come dey fumble?

Nawttiboi007:
What works for A might not work for B.. you don’t judge like that ok, this case is different they’re happily married with kids. I wonder why this man will even bring his personal issues on social media, he’s endangering himself, emotions and mental health. He will just use his own hands to destroy his home. So pathetic!

kbower:
Bro the emboldened makes your statement right, and words on Marble, I have spent over 27 million naira on the japa process, and still have more to spend ahead. It is indeed a sacrifice, but bro, she nor even send or appreciate anything, but me nor send cos na the children be the koko. Infact the agent that arranged everything duped me of 3k pounds, I arrested him, going from the station to and fro, only for madam to be expressing sympathy towards the guy that he feels pity for him that hes arrested, but what about me that spent the money and stressing out to arrest the guy and going to and fro? Am i not human, am I not to be the one in the position of being sympathetic towards?

OkoAmarashy:
See your mouth like patriarchy. It seems where you come from, it is your mother controlling your father and calling the shots.
You are still young, dumb and single. When you grow older, you will understand better.

Carcholce:
.
.
.
OP, sorry in advance. Not saying she’s going to cheat on you but she’ll so pepper you that you’ll be forced to become a SIMPle gentleman.


I can imagine how you’ll feel when She tells you her new man friend or Mr Mike is coming to help her set up the new TV and then her phone becomes unreachable till the next day because her phone died and Nepa took light in the UK.


PS. Please we need to see picture of her assx for complete data assessment.

OkoAmarashy:
You guys justify all sorts of nonsense.

How many times did your mother tell your father that another man told her that she has a big backside?

HRprof:
Then remain in Nigeria were such practice are accepted as a culture because if you step your foot abroad the narrative will definitely change , over there nothing like a man of the house both men and women have equal right it called gender equality
Get that into your skull you can not carry African mentality abroad that’s why our men always have issue with their wife abroad.

HRprof:
That was in 1807 ;(
We are in 2022

kbower:
Hi Nlanders

We all know no marriage is all that smooth and rosey, we all that are in it have challenges here and there, and for almost 11 years now, out of tolerance, ruggedity, minding my business in terms of taking care of the family have always been something that has held my marriage down, because the majority of the issue I have with my wife have always been issues of trust, transparency, accountability, respect and loyalty.

Some people will say with these things I have listed, that I may be asking for too much, but I can tell whoever would reason that way that it's not too much because am a responsible father/husband that have never for once strayed the family in anyway that will make me lack any of the above stated qualities a man can enjoy from a wife.

Why am I here? Ok.. After enduring so much for 11 years, we are relocating to the UK, she is the main applicant, myself and the 3 children are dependants, she traveled first, leaving myself and the 3 kids behind until she can secure accommodation b4 we leave.

I have heard about countless incidences of how SOME women treat their husbands and the POWER zoned to women in that country which makes it almost impossible for a man with a wife that gives him constant problem to be able to thrive in that country.

I just want to state three peculiar incidences that occured during her 1month stay over there that is already making me feel I have alot to face over there, though I know my God is bigger than anything, I just want people that are over there, or people that are experienced here and all over who are capable of handing a good advise for me on getting there to know how I can fare and withstand what is to come.

Based on the above from the major incidences I have experienced with her, first two weeks of being there, she had gone to check a house b4 heading to school, on her way back to school, she claimed she didn't take enough money and going back home might not be possible, I asked how she would wanna go about it
and she replied saying I will borrow money from Mr Mike, a man she just met at school on her first day of registration. I was like that's wrong, you don't form familiarity with someone you just met in another man's country, I said I will call a friend in liverpool to send you money and you could get your train ticket. She fumed, but I stood my ground and said that's how its going to be. I have asked her to collect a friends account details, since she has not opened an account yet, she said when her class finishes by 8.30pm she'll request details from her friend so the money can be sent. Fast forward to closing period, I messaged her to send me details, she ignored, I called ad she said nobody has an account that I should not worry she will sort herself, I was now like you just got to that country, u have no friends that u know too well to rely on, I am ur hubby and I opened a way for u to get money easily, yet u didn't make any effort to redeem the opportunity, omo she hung up on me then later called back that she gathered few pennies she had to get the ticket, I was now like why didn't u just say this instead of putting me on pressure over how to get money to convey u all the way from london to Luton, over an hour journey at night.

Secondly, on her next school day, she had previously told me prior to her closing hours that her data has finished and she's using schools wifi, that the moment she steps out from school to head home, she won't be having access to internet, etc WhatsApp and all of that, but importantly was to make use of GPS google map, that's what people over there use to navigate their way in order not to get lost, I was like without internet how do u intend to get to ur destination when u know how stressful it was for u getting lost the other day, now the same statement she made was, I will sort myself. I was raged and said woman I will ask my friend to buy u data so u can get home easy and safe, she said no proble, that she's leaving now, I said well since i wont be able to reach you on whats app, I will definitely call you on normal call shortly to give you the data pin to load. She said no P and hung up.

Moments later, my friend had sent me the data pin, na so I begin dey call wifey oo, over 15 missed calls she nor pick. Later she called back and said her phone was in her laptop bag and her hands were frozen so she couldnt put hands in the bag to pick the call and that she didn't even hear it ring.

The issue I posted up there are issues of not being accountable, and attitude of not showing that you don't need me when its not just about that but for security and your well being knowing fully well you are new in the country and proper guidelines needs to be taken.

Another incident happened 3rd week after her arrival, we were video chatting while she was on a train station waiting for train, next thing I noticed was a guy sitting BEHIND her, the guy boldly took a peep into her phone directly, seemingly trying to see who she was on video call with, immediately i called her attention to it, she just smiled and looked back and said silently, nawa some people for this London nor go mind their business. This very day developed a story that transitioned towards few things I will be stating.

The next sunday, I called her in the morin to say hi and all that, next thing I know she dun dey go church, she nor even discuss am with me and na wetin we dn agree on sey we fo jointly choose church wey we go dey go. After church service, she call me sey that guy wey i talk sey dey peep into her phone, sey the guy that very day asked her how long shes been there for, she said, just 3 weeks, sey how come she come take know road when him don dey 3months he nver know road, sey that same guy him coincidentally meet am for the new church wey she come so, sey the guy dey look am, she comot eye, but later the guy come meet am sey are u not the one that showed me way to where I was going. Sey as him meet the guy coincidentally for church, he fit be sey he get why, maybe for job connection or what not. I nor say anything, cos coincidences arent something new in this world. Then the next day, she call me sey that same guy needs an apartment, sey na married guy with 4 kids, but him wife and 1kid dey here, 3 dey nija them nor fit come yet until house is ready, sey him dey ask her if she can help him get someone that can reference for him to get a house, ha him my wife come dey ginger me sey make i help am talk to my friend wey help us reference if him go fit help the guy too. I come sey no problem, she sey she go call the guy now and put us on 3 way call, i sey no p, i come dey wait for call, no call come and madam nor talk again, i come ring her sey hafa u nor do the three way call again? She sey the guy dey work, him nor fit talk,sey she don give the guy my number to call me later, me come sey no p, send him number I go save am down so if he calls i go know sey na him, madam nor gree send number, I come dey wonder sey wetin dey sup sef, normally I nor spose reason ahead, but me my instict dey very strong, i come begin dey put two and two together sey maybe the guy intention was never to get help but to use style dey hit on my madam maybe na why him nor wan talk to me but wan use my madam dey take communicate.

I come ask madam some some questions on previous ish, I come find out sey small lie dey, so I tackler her sey the way she take explain to me about how him meet the guy for train station nor join, she come vex sey me i come am liar, omo as we dey talk for whatsapp, i nor blv sey my madam added this guy to the call without my consent or my knowledge, so as I dey talk, the guy dey the background, i nor even know anything and the dude himself kept quiet, na after the call finish, I see am for call details sey the guy was added to the call, infact the dude even called me directky i nor pick. Now i got very angry, come call madam sey wetin dey sup, u added this dude wey talk sey him dey work him nor fit talk to the call wey me and u dey on and u didnt even notify me, ok lets agree sey if to sey u wan tell me sey u wan add the guy for call sey i nor go gree sey maybe na why u add am without my consent, at least after u add am secretly, u are suppose to talk and sey bae, since u are accusing me wrongly.

I have added the guy to this call so he can clear me out, but she didnt, she just added the guy and the dude himself kept quiet and didnt say a word until I hung up. I got very furious and told her this is the highest level of see finish and dragging in the mud, wetin u want that guy to dey feel like now? She said shes sorry that she only wanted to clear herself, I was now like even if u wanted to clear urself, if that the best way to go about it, the person who is the subject matter is the best person u need to introduce to clear u out? Later on i just bone the matter come apologise sey make we move on, na so she come begin dey yarn plenty, sey she call the guy that my hubby said that the way we met is unreal, sey the guy sef come talk sey wow, so your husband already thinks am sleeping with you, but i cant blame u though, u know u have a big back side, so thoughts like that from him is likely not a surprise, i was hmmmm to hear that, i come tell madam sey if na true this guy talk this thing, shouldnt u already know he has corny itentions, she said well she too dey wonder cos the two times wey them meet she nor wear wetin fit show her bkside so how d guy come take know. The matter end there, next day madam still dey worry me sey shey I go still help d guy, I was like I cant even talk to him, u dun useless me already for him presence, she dey claim sey she nor do anything wrong by adding him to the call, sey the guy know of agency wey fit help me get better job if i arrive, and sey the guy talk sey if me fit connect am to my friend to reference am for house, him go link me up fr the agency. I talk sey i nor dey interested. Omo I weak. Guys I need advise on how to handle issues over there, cos me nor dey take nonsense for nija here, but for there, one needs to chill, but then should it now be sey because we dey live for country wey give woman power, make woman come use that opportunity come dey fumble?