| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by bestdudes: 10:07pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
Heathrow44:
oga a typical naija girl would take all ur Bs just t make sure she gets to UK, once she's in UK, she can't go bk to naija even if u force her to, that's how thorough they re towards executing their set objectives, the man should do d same This is so spot on! Women always have objectives before getting into any relationship... 1 Like |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by ONNYX: 10:08pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
kbower:
Hi Nlanders
We all know no marriage is all that smooth and rosey, we all that are in it have challenges here and there, and for almost 11 years now, out of tolerance, ruggedity, minding my business in terms of taking care of the family have always been something that has held my marriage down, because the majority of the issue I have with my wife have always been issues of trust, transparency, accountability, respect and loyalty.
Some people will say with these things I have listed, that I may be asking for too much, but I can tell whoever would reason that way that it's not too much because am a responsible father/husband that have never for once strayed the family in anyway that will make me lack any of the above stated qualities a man can enjoy from a wife.
Why am I here? Ok.. After enduring so much for 11 years, we are relocating to the UK, she is the main applicant, myself and the 3 children are dependants, she traveled first, leaving myself and the 3 kids behind until she can secure accommodation b4 we leave.
I have heard about countless incidences of how SOME women treat their husbands and the POWER zoned to women in that country which makes it almost impossible for a man with a wife that gives him constant problem to be able to thrive in that country.
I just want to state three peculiar incidences that occured during her 1month stay over there that is already making me feel I have alot to face over there, though I know my God is bigger than anything, I just want people that are over there, or people that are experienced here and all over who are capable of handing a good advise for me on getting there to know how I can fare and withstand what is to come.
Based on the above from the major incidences I have experienced with her, first two weeks of being there, she had gone to check a house b4 heading to school, on her way back to school, she claimed she didn't take enough money and going back home might not be possible, I asked how she would wanna go about it
and she replied saying I will borrow money from Mr Mike, a man she just met at school on her first day of registration. I was like that's wrong, you don't form familiarity with someone you just met in another man's country, I said I will call a friend in liverpool to send you money and you could get your train ticket. She fumed, but I stood my ground and said that's how its going to be. I have asked her to collect a friends account details, since she has not opened an account yet, she said when her class finishes by 8.30pm she'll request details from her friend so the money can be sent. Fast forward to closing period, I messaged her to send me details, she ignored, I called ad she said nobody has an account that I should not worry she will sort herself, I was now like you just got to that country, u have no friends that u know too well to rely on, I am ur hubby and I opened a way for u to get money easily, yet u didn't make any effort to redeem the opportunity, omo she hung up on me then later called back that she gathered few pennies she had to get the ticket, I was now like why didn't u just say this instead of putting me on pressure over how to get money to convey u all the way from london to Luton, over an hour journey at night.
Secondly, on her next school day, she had previously told me prior to her closing hours that her data has finished and she's using schools wifi, that the moment she steps out from school to head home, she won't be having access to internet, etc WhatsApp and all of that, but importantly was to make use of GPS google map, that's what people over there use to navigate their way in order not to get lost, I was like without internet how do u intend to get to ur destination when u know how stressful it was for u getting lost the other day, now the same statement she made was, I will sort myself. I was raged and said woman I will ask my friend to buy u data so u can get home easy and safe, she said no proble, that she's leaving now, I said well since i wont be able to reach you on whats app, I will definitely call you on normal call shortly to give you the data pin to load. She said no P and hung up.
Moments later, my friend had sent me the data pin, na so I begin dey call wifey oo, over 15 missed calls she nor pick. Later she called back and said her phone was in her laptop bag and her hands were frozen so she couldnt put hands in the bag to pick the call and that she didn't even hear it ring.
The issue I posted up there are issues of not being accountable, and attitude of not showing that you don't need me when its not just about that but for security and your well being knowing fully well you are new in the country and proper guidelines needs to be taken.
Another incident happened 3rd week after her arrival, we were video chatting while she was on a train station waiting for train, next thing I noticed was a guy sitting BEHIND her, the guy boldly took a peep into her phone directly, seemingly trying to see who she was on video call with, immediately i called her attention to it, she just smiled and looked back and said silently, nawa some people for this London nor go mind their business. This very day developed a story that transitioned towards few things I will be stating.
The next sunday, I called her in the morin to say hi and all that, next thing I know she dun dey go church, she nor even discuss am with me and na wetin we dn agree on sey we fo jointly choose church wey we go dey go. After church service, she call me sey that guy wey i talk sey dey peep into her phone, sey the guy that very day asked her how long shes been there for, she said, just 3 weeks, sey how come she come take know road when him don dey 3months he nver know road, sey that same guy him coincidentally meet am for the new church wey she come so, sey the guy dey look am, she comot eye, but later the guy come meet am sey are u not the one that showed me way to where I was going. Sey as him meet the guy coincidentally for church, he fit be sey he get why, maybe for job connection or what not. I nor say anything, cos coincidences arent something new in this world. Then the next day, she call me sey that same guy needs an apartment, sey na married guy with 4 kids, but him wife and 1kid dey here, 3 dey nija them nor fit come yet until house is ready, sey him dey ask her if she can help him get someone that can reference for him to get a house, ha him my wife come dey ginger me sey make i help am talk to my friend wey help us reference if him go fit help the guy too. I come sey no problem, she sey she go call the guy now and put us on 3 way call, i sey no p, i come dey wait for call, no call come and madam nor talk again, i come ring her sey hafa u nor do the three way call again? She sey the guy dey work, him nor fit talk,sey she don give the guy my number to call me later, me come sey no p, send him number I go save am down so if he calls i go know sey na him, madam nor gree send number, I come dey wonder sey wetin dey sup sef, normally I nor spose reason ahead, but me my instict dey very strong, i come begin dey put two and two together sey maybe the guy intention was never to get help but to use style dey hit on my madam maybe na why him nor wan talk to me but wan use my madam dey take communicate.
I come ask madam some some questions on previous ish, I come find out sey small lie dey, so I tackler her sey the way she take explain to me about how him meet the guy for train station nor join, she come vex sey me i come am liar, omo as we dey talk for whatsapp, i nor blv sey my madam added this guy to the call without my consent or my knowledge, so as I dey talk, the guy dey the background, i nor even know anything and the dude himself kept quiet, na after the call finish, I see am for call details sey the guy was added to the call, infact the dude even called me directky i nor pick. Now i got very angry, come call madam sey wetin dey sup, u added this dude wey talk sey him dey work him nor fit talk to the call wey me and u dey on and u didnt even notify me, ok lets agree sey if to sey u wan tell me sey u wan add the guy for call sey i nor go gree sey maybe na why u add am without my consent, at least after u add am secretly, u are suppose to talk and sey bae, since u are accusing me wrongly.
I have added the guy to this call so he can clear me out, but she didnt, she just added the guy and the dude himself kept quiet and didnt say a word until I hung up. I got very furious and told her this is the highest level of see finish and dragging in the mud, wetin u want that guy to dey feel like now? She said shes sorry that she only wanted to clear herself, I was now like even if u wanted to clear urself, if that the best way to go about it, the person who is the subject matter is the best person u need to introduce to clear u out? Later on i just bone the matter come apologise sey make we move on, na so she come begin dey yarn plenty, sey she call the guy that my hubby said that the way we met is unreal, sey the guy sef come talk sey wow, so your husband already thinks am sleeping with you, but i cant blame u though, u know u have a big back side, so thoughts like that from him is likely not a surprise, i was hmmmm to hear that, i come tell madam sey if na true this guy talk this thing, shouldnt u already know he has corny itentions, she said well she too dey wonder cos the two times wey them meet she nor wear wetin fit show her bkside so how d guy come take know. The matter end there, next day madam still dey worry me sey shey I go still help d guy, I was like I cant even talk to him, u dun useless me already for him presence, she dey claim sey she nor do anything wrong by adding him to the call, sey the guy know of agency wey fit help me get better job if i arrive, and sey the guy talk sey if me fit connect am to my friend to reference am for house, him go link me up fr the agency. I talk sey i nor dey interested. Omo I weak. Guys I need advise on how to handle issues over there, cos me nor dey take nonsense for nija here, but for there, one needs to chill, but then should it now be sey because we dey live for country wey give woman power, make woman come use that opportunity come dey fumble? In my time, I have come across a lot of lucky guys. You bro, you have the crown. You are the luckiest person alive. I just hope you are sensible enough to appreciate the fortune on your path. |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by Ooe33: 10:10pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
Your wife no dey nairaland? Cos if reads half, she go know say na she u dey talk about, even if ur moniker is diff. kbower:
Hi Nlanders
We all know no marriage is all that smooth and rosey, we all that are in it have challenges here and there, and for almost 11 years now, out of tolerance, ruggedity, minding my business in terms of taking care of the family have always been something that has held my marriage down, because the majority of the issue I have with my wife have always been issues of trust, transparency, accountability, respect and loyalty.
Some people will say with these things I have listed, that I may be asking for too much, but I can tell whoever would reason that way that it's not too much because am a responsible father/husband that have never for once strayed the family in anyway that will make me lack any of the above stated qualities a man can enjoy from a wife.
Why am I here? Ok.. After enduring so much for 11 years, we are relocating to the UK, she is the main applicant, myself and the 3 children are dependants, she traveled first, leaving myself and the 3 kids behind until she can secure accommodation b4 we leave.
I have heard about countless incidences of how SOME women treat their husbands and the POWER zoned to women in that country which makes it almost impossible for a man with a wife that gives him constant problem to be able to thrive in that country.
I just want to state three peculiar incidences that occured during her 1month stay over there that is already making me feel I have alot to face over there, though I know my God is bigger than anything, I just want people that are over there, or people that are experienced here and all over who are capable of handing a good advise for me on getting there to know how I can fare and withstand what is to come.
Based on the above from the major incidences I have experienced with her, first two weeks of being there, she had gone to check a house b4 heading to school, on her way back to school, she claimed she didn't take enough money and going back home might not be possible, I asked how she would wanna go about it
and she replied saying I will borrow money from Mr Mike, a man she just met at school on her first day of registration. I was like that's wrong, you don't form familiarity with someone you just met in another man's country, I said I will call a friend in liverpool to send you money and you could get your train ticket. She fumed, but I stood my ground and said that's how its going to be. I have asked her to collect a friends account details, since she has not opened an account yet, she said when her class finishes by 8.30pm she'll request details from her friend so the money can be sent. Fast forward to closing period, I messaged her to send me details, she ignored, I called ad she said nobody has an account that I should not worry she will sort herself, I was now like you just got to that country, u have no friends that u know too well to rely on, I am ur hubby and I opened a way for u to get money easily, yet u didn't make any effort to redeem the opportunity, omo she hung up on me then later called back that she gathered few pennies she had to get the ticket, I was now like why didn't u just say this instead of putting me on pressure over how to get money to convey u all the way from london to Luton, over an hour journey at night.
Secondly, on her next school day, she had previously told me prior to her closing hours that her data has finished and she's using schools wifi, that the moment she steps out from school to head home, she won't be having access to internet, etc WhatsApp and all of that, but importantly was to make use of GPS google map, that's what people over there use to navigate their way in order not to get lost, I was like without internet how do u intend to get to ur destination when u know how stressful it was for u getting lost the other day, now the same statement she made was, I will sort myself. I was raged and said woman I will ask my friend to buy u data so u can get home easy and safe, she said no proble, that she's leaving now, I said well since i wont be able to reach you on whats app, I will definitely call you on normal call shortly to give you the data pin to load. She said no P and hung up.
Moments later, my friend had sent me the data pin, na so I begin dey call wifey oo, over 15 missed calls she nor pick. Later she called back and said her phone was in her laptop bag and her hands were frozen so she couldnt put hands in the bag to pick the call and that she didn't even hear it ring.
The issue I posted up there are issues of not being accountable, and attitude of not showing that you don't need me when its not just about that but for security and your well being knowing fully well you are new in the country and proper guidelines needs to be taken.
Another incident happened 3rd week after her arrival, we were video chatting while she was on a train station waiting for train, next thing I noticed was a guy sitting BEHIND her, the guy boldly took a peep into her phone directly, seemingly trying to see who she was on video call with, immediately i called her attention to it, she just smiled and looked back and said silently, nawa some people for this London nor go mind their business. This very day developed a story that transitioned towards few things I will be stating.
The next sunday, I called her in the morin to say hi and all that, next thing I know she dun dey go church, she nor even discuss am with me and na wetin we dn agree on sey we fo jointly choose church wey we go dey go. After church service, she call me sey that guy wey i talk sey dey peep into her phone, sey the guy that very day asked her how long shes been there for, she said, just 3 weeks, sey how come she come take know road when him don dey 3months he nver know road, sey that same guy him coincidentally meet am for the new church wey she come so, sey the guy dey look am, she comot eye, but later the guy come meet am sey are u not the one that showed me way to where I was going. Sey as him meet the guy coincidentally for church, he fit be sey he get why, maybe for job connection or what not. I nor say anything, cos coincidences arent something new in this world. Then the next day, she call me sey that same guy needs an apartment, sey na married guy with 4 kids, but him wife and 1kid dey here, 3 dey nija them nor fit come yet until house is ready, sey him dey ask her if she can help him get someone that can reference for him to get a house, ha him my wife come dey ginger me sey make i help am talk to my friend wey help us reference if him go fit help the guy too. I come sey no problem, she sey she go call the guy now and put us on 3 way call, i sey no p, i come dey wait for call, no call come and madam nor talk again, i come ring her sey hafa u nor do the three way call again? She sey the guy dey work, him nor fit talk,sey she don give the guy my number to call me later, me come sey no p, send him number I go save am down so if he calls i go know sey na him, madam nor gree send number, I come dey wonder sey wetin dey sup sef, normally I nor spose reason ahead, but me my instict dey very strong, i come begin dey put two and two together sey maybe the guy intention was never to get help but to use style dey hit on my madam maybe na why him nor wan talk to me but wan use my madam dey take communicate.
I come ask madam some some questions on previous ish, I come find out sey small lie dey, so I tackler her sey the way she take explain to me about how him meet the guy for train station nor join, she come vex sey me i come am liar, omo as we dey talk for whatsapp, i nor blv sey my madam added this guy to the call without my consent or my knowledge, so as I dey talk, the guy dey the background, i nor even know anything and the dude himself kept quiet, na after the call finish, I see am for call details sey the guy was added to the call, infact the dude even called me directky i nor pick. Now i got very angry, come call madam sey wetin dey sup, u added this dude wey talk sey him dey work him nor fit talk to the call wey me and u dey on and u didnt even notify me, ok lets agree sey if to sey u wan tell me sey u wan add the guy for call sey i nor go gree sey maybe na why u add am without my consent, at least after u add am secretly, u are suppose to talk and sey bae, since u are accusing me wrongly.
I have added the guy to this call so he can clear me out, but she didnt, she just added the guy and the dude himself kept quiet and didnt say a word until I hung up. I got very furious and told her this is the highest level of see finish and dragging in the mud, wetin u want that guy to dey feel like now? She said shes sorry that she only wanted to clear herself, I was now like even if u wanted to clear urself, if that the best way to go about it, the person who is the subject matter is the best person u need to introduce to clear u out? Later on i just bone the matter come apologise sey make we move on, na so she come begin dey yarn plenty, sey she call the guy that my hubby said that the way we met is unreal, sey the guy sef come talk sey wow, so your husband already thinks am sleeping with you, but i cant blame u though, u know u have a big back side, so thoughts like that from him is likely not a surprise, i was hmmmm to hear that, i come tell madam sey if na true this guy talk this thing, shouldnt u already know he has corny itentions, she said well she too dey wonder cos the two times wey them meet she nor wear wetin fit show her bkside so how d guy come take know. The matter end there, next day madam still dey worry me sey shey I go still help d guy, I was like I cant even talk to him, u dun useless me already for him presence, she dey claim sey she nor do anything wrong by adding him to the call, sey the guy know of agency wey fit help me get better job if i arrive, and sey the guy talk sey if me fit connect am to my friend to reference am for house, him go link me up fr the agency. I talk sey i nor dey interested. Omo I weak. Guys I need advise on how to handle issues over there, cos me nor dey take nonsense for nija here, but for there, one needs to chill, but then should it now be sey because we dey live for country wey give woman power, make woman come use that opportunity come dey fumble? |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by Michdear(f): 10:16pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
blackslayer:
A real man does not need control over his wife or female partner to make him feel like a man! Fact! very right 1 Like |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by OdefaGirl(f): 10:18pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
twosquare:
I only need to ask a question and everyone reading this should answer....why are the Arabs different then?
*Culture counts, just that Nigerians and some Africans, like pikin wey no see wealth before, throws caution to the wind and forget their roots...like mad fellow. Their culture if against the freedom of women, doesn't count in UK. This law supports women's freedom, not your/their culture. 1 Like |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by Nobody: 10:22pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
Lol I've been laughing non stop reading Op and other lamentations from guys  It is always painful when the issue comes from wives and men have to bear it all in good fate  I'll say this again; A WIFE WILL NOT BE TERRIBLE ABROAD IF YOU WERE GOOD TO HER IN NIGERIA, FACT You said there has been problems before she left, how the hell do you expect everything to be nice and dandy when you both are apart? Women have been the enduring gender in most marriages for ages, your story is not new, neither will it be the last, so it's either you endure it all or you divorce. 2 Likes |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by Waterbear(m): 10:35pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
My advice is simple
Know within you the relationship is lost, don't act..
Calm down, ignore her..
Get your proof and wait till you're ready, video audio and text proof of infidelity...
Save them, you'll need them..
Get to uk.. be the best of you, get your ground and find a good girl...
Hit her with a court slam of divorce and bring your proof, this would save you from child support cause you'll win custody of the kids..
If UK isn't a big deal to you...
Divorce her here and keep custody of the children...
She'll find it hard coming here to fight for it.. cut her off completely 1 Like |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by Ezyp(m): 10:38pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
Amotolongbo:
All I can read here are
1. A lady who isn’t straight forward
2. A man who feels insecure
Number 2 is a lie 1 Like |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by monfizzy(m): 10:39pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
Nonexisting1:
The nigga is dull. What awaits him in the UK is better imagined than experienced. I pity him because the wife he thinks he has is not a wife but a loose cannon. A woman that has jumped into the arms of another man in less than three weeks of her stay abroad is the person he is calling wife. She is already in love with the other nigga which is why she is looking out for his welfare but the mumu husband is still here talking rubbish. It’s not 3weeks. She has been talking to him long before she moved to the U.K. and her main reason is likely for kpali. If for kpali the guy will soon dump her after having his fill. 2 Likes |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by greggng: 10:46pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
Jovialjune1:
Lol I've been laughing non stop reading Op and other lamentations from guys
It is always painful when the issue comes from wives and men have to bear it all in good fate
I'll say this again; A WIFE WILL NOT BE TERRIBLE ABROAD IF YOU WERE GOOD TO HER IN NIGERIA, FACT
You said there has been problems before she left, how the hell do you expect everything to be nice and dandy when you both are apart?
Women have been the enduring gender in most marriages for ages, your story is not new, neither will it be the last, so it's either you endure it all or you divorce. Just like that? |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by aleem50(m): 10:48pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
I can feel for you OP. There's politics everywhere. You should learn how to play your game. |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by Nobody: 10:51pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
greggng:
Just like that? What else should I say? If my husband should do same thing Op's wife is doing, I won't go there anymore, I'd stay in naija and live my life in peace, I refuse to stress myself because of another human being. 1 Like |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by vickydevoka(m): 10:51pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
Munzy14:
A reason why I will abort mission if I mistakenly found myseld in OP's snickers
No be all women them the send on such mission..We have rare breeds of women/wife that one can send on such mission and she will achieve the purpose.
A family friend sent his wife on such during our childhood days.. two years after, the wife cleared all of them from Naija down to UK..
Ask your friend how life there. 1 Like |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by 4ward4: 10:56pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
tolue42:
I wish I know you in person, you are a very knowledgeable person...
I figure out something about my family.... She's based in PH when I meet her, I was, and still based in Lagos... I went to PH for the first time because of her, but one thing I figured out was, she's always the boss in PH,I don't always have a say..because I don't know anywhere there.. she always control what I need to do....
But whenever she comes to Lagos , she's always calm and gentle, she always follow my instructions because she don't know anywhere here...So, after weighing both sides, I had to relocate her to Lagos permanently..
Back to this man's story, I think he just gave his wife the family's power which is supposed to be with him just for greener pastures.... lol, you know them well. Dem no the carry emotion treat family affairs,Once You know and understand only you have the perfect mental picture of what you would want your family to be in the next 20yrs and behave like the manager you are. You automatically earn their respect. 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by ukaface(f): 10:59pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
Inasmuch as the op's wife isn't straightforward, I see a whole lot of men who are so into the patriarchal system....lmao
They so love the title ' head of the house' and can't accept a woman matching up to them. In a way, it's pathetic. 1 Like |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by dickt(m): 11:03pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
kbower:
Hi Nlanders
We all know no marriage is all that smooth and rosey, we all that are in it have challenges here and there, and for almost 11 years now, out of tolerance, ruggedity, minding my business in terms of taking care of the family have always been something that has held my marriage down, because the majority of the issue I have with my wife have always been issues of trust, transparency, accountability, respect and loyalty.
Omo I weak. Guys I need advise on how to handle issues over there, cos me nor dey take nonsense for nija here, but for there, one needs to chill, but then should it now be sey because we dey live for country wey give woman power, make woman come use that opportunity come dey fumble? The handwriting is already on the wall. It's very clear that going to UK with her is like playing with fire. UK is not Nigeria. You cannot exercise your God given authority there. I know the marriage dynamics there. You'll end up being the wife whether you like it or not. In addition to that, World War 3 has started and England is likely not going to be spared when the bombs start flying. Nigeria is safer with respect to the war. Furthermore, the cost of living is rising by the day there due to energy crisis and engineered food shortages. Food prices are exorbitant and rising. Gas prices have shot through the roof and continue rising. SEVERAL PEOPLE ARE EXPECTED TO FREEZE TO DEATH THIS WINTER DUE TO ENERGY SHORTAGE. This is a very bad time to relocate to the UK. It's even worse as a man, and with the kind of wife you have, it's a suicide mission. 2 Likes |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by REALretep(m): 11:10pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
kbower:
We all know no marriage is all that smooth and rosey, we all that are in it have challenges here and there, and for almost 11 years now, out of tolerance, ruggedity, minding my business in terms of taking care of the family have always been something that has held my marriage down, because the majority of the issue I have with my wife have always been issues of trust, transparency, accountability, respect and loyalty.
I really don't know how you two managed to remain together for 11 years with the issues bolded above. Those are major issues in marriage capable of shattering it.
Maybe the Naija factors (society's view of marriage, extended family members, no special rights for women, etc) helped keep you guys together. Just maybe...I don't know.
These factors don't operate in the UK and thus, your marriage will face various baptisms of fire.
I pray your marriage survives.
Plenty battles ahead.
May God help you
|
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by profsomebody(m): 11:15pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
I see gaslighting loading. Make peace with her for now till you relocate and if it doesn't work, you can quit there. Because what I see now is someone complaining about being abandoned to probably have an excuse for leaving (he started drifting away, and I tried everything to understand why but he refused to change). In the end, it will look like you pushed her away, whereas she already made up her mind on what to do. kbower:
This is exactly what I did over the last 2 days now, and guess what, she has been stalking me with calls. I only call her when there is something important to discuss, but calls based on, i miss u and all of that nor even dey again, the moment she noticed I have drifted from showing affection over calls, she started bombarding me with calls complaining that I dont call her. 2 Likes |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by ubby26: 11:16pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
God bless you for this comment. This is the most sensible comment on the thread along with a few others. I can't believe the comments on this thread. Man the problem is with you. You are the problem and you need to fix if not, you will use your own hand and ruin your marriage. You bringing this here shows that you have nagged her down alot and you have probably talked about this to a number of persons before bringing it here. That is very bad. You are creating room for people to disrespect your wife, the mother of your kids. You have just allowed people insult your wife for nothing. Somebody you have been married to for 11 years!!! And you cannot trust her to make good decisions on her own. You have a thing for micromanaging her and it would not work cos situations will come for her to make decisions immediately and she cannot consult you for every decision she has to make. People telling all sorts here are not married Adjusting to a new country is not easy. Oga you need to change and be a better person for yourself and your family. If you want this marriage, you have to learn to trust your wife and this excessive need to control her should stop. She is not a child. She is an adult and can make decisions on her own without you breathing down her neck. I wish all the best. pedel:
You are really very stupid for ignoring your wife.
You are making a big mistake.
Your wife is in the UK for just few weeks and you are already suspecting her of infidelity.
What kind of a woman was she when she was in Nigeria?
Your wife hasn’t changed. She is just adjusting to the new environment.
Stop listening to people in Nigeria who have no slightest idea of what it’s like to live in the UK.
Your wife has a lot of adjustments to do and so do you.
You will never realise the type of culture and way of life your wife just entered into.
She need all the help she can get.
Don’t make her life difficult because you are feeling insecure.
I have lived in a different country in Europe for over two decades and presently relocating to England in the next few weeks and I can tell you your wife needs your support, and not you showing some useless attitude that is going to break your home.
Go and join your wife ASAP and stop grumbling about who your wife talks to or relate with in the UK.
Whenever your wife tells you she is sorting out things on her own, just trust her.
She would have to make many on the fly decisions that she won’t have time to get your opinion. Trust her decisions.
Few weeks ago I went to the UK with a list of areas to check properties, having done all my research online.
I parked my car at the car park beside KFC to use the rest room.
On my way back I saw people physically dealing and using drugs beside my car. I saw another man emptying the content of someone’s truck into his empty truck and zoom off when I said hello to him. This was in broad day light. I knew immediately I couldn’t live in such area.
I had to make many decisions without even discussing it with my wife.
Trust your wife. She is not cheating on you or disrespectful. She is not undermining you as her husband.
Living in the UK requires that she has to be independent and that has nothing to do with you.
Always offer your support and if she tells you she is ok then let her be.
Stop listening to clowns on Nairaland who would gladly trade place with you.
Don’t distract your wife’s mental health and studies with stupid attitude.
If you want to talk send me Dm.
God bless you.
5 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by STEWpid(f): 11:17pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
Labadi69:
When you see all those ads on Nairaland looking for story tellers and content writers, what do you think it’s for? 90 person of stories on NL are fake stories written by paid writers to attract traffic…
If this is one of the few true stories here, then the guy is definitely lying. Na the woman be the breadwinner of the family and na she raise the money for the travel runs…. Gbamsolutely! |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by SunmibareARC: 11:48pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
Bro, It's good you went in legit... You need to start finding your footing ASAP as she will dump you. Start doing more link ups and take up more jobs to make more money... It's not time for you to relax yet... She's already seeing a bigger picture!!! kbower:
Hi Nlanders
We all know no marriage is all that smooth and rosey, we all that are in it have challenges here and there, and for almost 11 years now, out of tolerance, ruggedity, minding my business in terms of taking care of the family have always been something that has held my marriage down, because the majority of the issue I have with my wife have always been issues of trust, transparency, accountability, respect and loyalty.
Some people will say with these things I have listed, that I may be asking for too much, but I can tell whoever would reason that way that it's not too much because am a responsible father/husband that have never for once strayed the family in anyway that will make me lack any of the above stated qualities a man can enjoy from a wife.
Why am I here? Ok.. After enduring so much for 11 years, we are relocating to the UK, she is the main applicant, myself and the 3 children are dependants, she traveled first, leaving myself and the 3 kids behind until she can secure accommodation b4 we leave.
I have heard about countless incidences of how SOME women treat their husbands and the POWER zoned to women in that country which makes it almost impossible for a man with a wife that gives him constant problem to be able to thrive in that country.
I just want to state three peculiar incidences that occured during her 1month stay over there that is already making me feel I have alot to face over there, though I know my God is bigger than anything, I just want people that are over there, or people that are experienced here and all over who are capable of handing a good advise for me on getting there to know how I can fare and withstand what is to come.
Based on the above from the major incidences I have experienced with her, first two weeks of being there, she had gone to check a house b4 heading to school, on her way back to school, she claimed she didn't take enough money and going back home might not be possible, I asked how she would wanna go about it
and she replied saying I will borrow money from Mr Mike, a man she just met at school on her first day of registration. I was like that's wrong, you don't form familiarity with someone you just met in another man's country, I said I will call a friend in liverpool to send you money and you could get your train ticket. She fumed, but I stood my ground and said that's how its going to be. I have asked her to collect a friends account details, since she has not opened an account yet, she said when her class finishes by 8.30pm she'll request details from her friend so the money can be sent. Fast forward to closing period, I messaged her to send me details, she ignored, I called ad she said nobody has an account that I should not worry she will sort herself, I was now like you just got to that country, u have no friends that u know too well to rely on, I am ur hubby and I opened a way for u to get money easily, yet u didn't make any effort to redeem the opportunity, omo she hung up on me then later called back that she gathered few pennies she had to get the ticket, I was now like why didn't u just say this instead of putting me on pressure over how to get money to convey u all the way from london to Luton, over an hour journey at night.
Secondly, on her next school day, she had previously told me prior to her closing hours that her data has finished and she's using schools wifi, that the moment she steps out from school to head home, she won't be having access to internet, etc WhatsApp and all of that, but importantly was to make use of GPS google map, that's what people over there use to navigate their way in order not to get lost, I was like without internet how do u intend to get to ur destination when u know how stressful it was for u getting lost the other day, now the same statement she made was, I will sort myself. I was raged and said woman I will ask my friend to buy u data so u can get home easy and safe, she said no proble, that she's leaving now, I said well since i wont be able to reach you on whats app, I will definitely call you on normal call shortly to give you the data pin to load. She said no P and hung up.
Moments later, my friend had sent me the data pin, na so I begin dey call wifey oo, over 15 missed calls she nor pick. Later she called back and said her phone was in her laptop bag and her hands were frozen so she couldnt put hands in the bag to pick the call and that she didn't even hear it ring.
The issue I posted up there are issues of not being accountable, and attitude of not showing that you don't need me when its not just about that but for security and your well being knowing fully well you are new in the country and proper guidelines needs to be taken.
Another incident happened 3rd week after her arrival, we were video chatting while she was on a train station waiting for train, next thing I noticed was a guy sitting BEHIND her, the guy boldly took a peep into her phone directly, seemingly trying to see who she was on video call with, immediately i called her attention to it, she just smiled and looked back and said silently, nawa some people for this London nor go mind their business. This very day developed a story that transitioned towards few things I will be stating.
The next sunday, I called her in the morin to say hi and all that, next thing I know she dun dey go church, she nor even discuss am with me and na wetin we dn agree on sey we fo jointly choose church wey we go dey go. After church service, she call me sey that guy wey i talk sey dey peep into her phone, sey the guy that very day asked her how long shes been there for, she said, just 3 weeks, sey how come she come take know road when him don dey 3months he nver know road, sey that same guy him coincidentally meet am for the new church wey she come so, sey the guy dey look am, she comot eye, but later the guy come meet am sey are u not the one that showed me way to where I was going. Sey as him meet the guy coincidentally for church, he fit be sey he get why, maybe for job connection or what not. I nor say anything, cos coincidences arent something new in this world. Then the next day, she call me sey that same guy needs an apartment, sey na married guy with 4 kids, but him wife and 1kid dey here, 3 dey nija them nor fit come yet until house is ready, sey him dey ask her if she can help him get someone that can reference for him to get a house, ha him my wife come dey ginger me sey make i help am talk to my friend wey help us reference if him go fit help the guy too. I come sey no problem, she sey she go call the guy now and put us on 3 way call, i sey no p, i come dey wait for call, no call come and madam nor talk again, i come ring her sey hafa u nor do the three way call again? She sey the guy dey work, him nor fit talk,sey she don give the guy my number to call me later, me come sey no p, send him number I go save am down so if he calls i go know sey na him, madam nor gree send number, I come dey wonder sey wetin dey sup sef, normally I nor spose reason ahead, but me my instict dey very strong, i come begin dey put two and two together sey maybe the guy intention was never to get help but to use style dey hit on my madam maybe na why him nor wan talk to me but wan use my madam dey take communicate.
I come ask madam some some questions on previous ish, I come find out sey small lie dey, so I tackler her sey the way she take explain to me about how him meet the guy for train station nor join, she come vex sey me i come am liar, omo as we dey talk for whatsapp, i nor blv sey my madam added this guy to the call without my consent or my knowledge, so as I dey talk, the guy dey the background, i nor even know anything and the dude himself kept quiet, na after the call finish, I see am for call details sey the guy was added to the call, infact the dude even called me directky i nor pick. Now i got very angry, come call madam sey wetin dey sup, u added this dude wey talk sey him dey work him nor fit talk to the call wey me and u dey on and u didnt even notify me, ok lets agree sey if to sey u wan tell me sey u wan add the guy for call sey i nor go gree sey maybe na why u add am without my consent, at least after u add am secretly, u are suppose to talk and sey bae, since u are accusing me wrongly.
I have added the guy to this call so he can clear me out, but she didnt, she just added the guy and the dude himself kept quiet and didnt say a word until I hung up. I got very furious and told her this is the highest level of see finish and dragging in the mud, wetin u want that guy to dey feel like now? She said shes sorry that she only wanted to clear herself, I was now like even if u wanted to clear urself, if that the best way to go about it, the person who is the subject matter is the best person u need to introduce to clear u out? Later on i just bone the matter come apologise sey make we move on, na so she come begin dey yarn plenty, sey she call the guy that my hubby said that the way we met is unreal, sey the guy sef come talk sey wow, so your husband already thinks am sleeping with you, but i cant blame u though, u know u have a big back side, so thoughts like that from him is likely not a surprise, i was hmmmm to hear that, i come tell madam sey if na true this guy talk this thing, shouldnt u already know he has corny itentions, she said well she too dey wonder cos the two times wey them meet she nor wear wetin fit show her bkside so how d guy come take know. The matter end there, next day madam still dey worry me sey shey I go still help d guy, I was like I cant even talk to him, u dun useless me already for him presence, she dey claim sey she nor do anything wrong by adding him to the call, sey the guy know of agency wey fit help me get better job if i arrive, and sey the guy talk sey if me fit connect am to my friend to reference am for house, him go link me up fr the agency. I talk sey i nor dey interested. Omo I weak. Guys I need advise on how to handle issues over there, cos me nor dey take nonsense for nija here, but for there, one needs to chill, but then should it now be sey because we dey live for country wey give woman power, make woman come use that opportunity come dey fumble? |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by NemoDatQuod(m): 11:54pm On Oct 29, 2022 |
Op If the events you narrated actually happened, then I can comfortably tell you your future if you come to the UK. You will go to jail and when you come out, you will be deported back to Nigeria. If you already have your papers by the time you come out of jail (citizenship only), you will not ever be able to get a decent job. Let me explain: You are a controlling guy. That is a crime here in the UK. All your wife need do is narrate the stuff you yourself have narrated here and you will be prosecuted for controlling behaviour over your wife. Your wife is not your property. You have no control over her or what she does. If you do not like what she does, you find the door. You will go to jail here as it is not possible for you to change overnight. Secondly, you are married to an immature, lying and insincere woman who will end up disgracing you and probably also landing you in prison if you come here. There are tens of thousands of instances in this country where otherwise mature Nigerian women land their spouses in jail. How much more an immature, insincere and inconsiderate one as you described. Your consideration over the care of your kids will become mute when you go to jail over here. I have lived here long enough after graduate school and I have seen men go mad(as in mad) over what their wives have done to them. Naturally, husbands have also done incredibly mean things to their wives. But today's conversation is about your wife. There are also loads of families from Nigeria that are managing to get it right, even while living a cat and dog co-existence. But from what you've written, if true, you will wish you never set foot in the UK when your wife is done with you, if you come here. And it will make no difference if you are the main applicant. The decision is left to you. kbower:
Hi Nlanders
We all know no marriage is all that smooth and rosey, we all that are in it have challenges here and there, and for almost 11 years now, out of tolerance, ruggedity, minding my business in terms of taking care of the family have always been something that has held my marriage down, because the majority of the issue I have with my wife have always been issues of trust, transparency, accountability, respect and loyalty.
3 Likes |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by Cullinane: 12:08am On Oct 30, 2022 |
kbower:
Hi Nlanders
We all know no marriage is all that smooth and rosey, we all that are in it have challenges here and there, and for almost 11 years now, out of tolerance, ruggedity, minding my business in terms of taking care of the family have always been something that has held my marriage down, because the majority of the issue I have with my wife have always been issues of trust, transparency, accountability, respect and loyalty.
Some people will say with these things I have listed, that I may be asking for too much, but I can tell whoever would reason that way that it's not too much because am a responsible father/husband that have never for once strayed the family in anyway that will make me lack any of the above stated qualities a man can enjoy from a wife.
Why am I here? Ok.. After enduring so much for 11 years, we are relocating to the UK, she is the main applicant, myself and the 3 children are dependants, she traveled first, leaving myself and the 3 kids behind until she can secure accommodation b4 we leave.
I have heard about countless incidences of how SOME women treat their husbands and the POWER zoned to women in that country which makes it almost impossible for a man with a wife that gives him constant problem to be able to thrive in that country.
I just want to state three peculiar incidences that occured during her 1month stay over there that is already making me feel I have alot to face over there, though I know my God is bigger than anything, I just want people that are over there, or people that are experienced here and all over who are capable of handing a good advise for me on getting there to know how I can fare and withstand what is to come.
Based on the above from the major incidences I have experienced with her, first two weeks of being there, she had gone to check a house b4 heading to school, on her way back to school, she claimed she didn't take enough money and going back home might not be possible, I asked how she would wanna go about it
and she replied saying I will borrow money from Mr Mike, a man she just met at school on her first day of registration. I was like that's wrong, you don't form familiarity with someone you just met in another man's country, I said I will call a friend in liverpool to send you money and you could get your train ticket. She fumed, but I stood my ground and said that's how its going to be. I have asked her to collect a friends account details, since she has not opened an account yet, she said when her class finishes by 8.30pm she'll request details from her friend so the money can be sent. Fast forward to closing period, I messaged her to send me details, she ignored, I called ad she said nobody has an account that I should not worry she will sort herself, I was now like you just got to that country, u have no friends that u know too well to rely on, I am ur hubby and I opened a way for u to get money easily, yet u didn't make any effort to redeem the opportunity, omo she hung up on me then later called back that she gathered few pennies she had to get the ticket, I was now like why didn't u just say this instead of putting me on pressure over how to get money to convey u all the way from london to Luton, over an hour journey at night.
Secondly, on her next school day, she had previously told me prior to her closing hours that her data has finished and she's using schools wifi, that the moment she steps out from school to head home, she won't be having access to internet, etc WhatsApp and all of that, but importantly was to make use of GPS google map, that's what people over there use to navigate their way in order not to get lost, I was like without internet how do u intend to get to ur destination when u know how stressful it was for u getting lost the other day, now the same statement she made was, I will sort myself. I was raged and said woman I will ask my friend to buy u data so u can get home easy and safe, she said no proble, that she's leaving now, I said well since i wont be able to reach you on whats app, I will definitely call you on normal call shortly to give you the data pin to load. She said no P and hung up.
Moments later, my friend had sent me the data pin, na so I begin dey call wifey oo, over 15 missed calls she nor pick. Later she called back and said her phone was in her laptop bag and her hands were frozen so she couldnt put hands in the bag to pick the call and that she didn't even hear it ring.
The issue I posted up there are issues of not being accountable, and attitude of not showing that you don't need me when its not just about that but for security and your well being knowing fully well you are new in the country and proper guidelines needs to be taken.
Another incident happened 3rd week after her arrival, we were video chatting while she was on a train station waiting for train, next thing I noticed was a guy sitting BEHIND her, the guy boldly took a peep into her phone directly, seemingly trying to see who she was on video call with, immediately i called her attention to it, she just smiled and looked back and said silently, nawa some people for this London nor go mind their business. This very day developed a story that transitioned towards few things I will be stating.
The next sunday, I called her in the morin to say hi and all that, next thing I know she dun dey go church, she nor even discuss am with me and na wetin we dn agree on sey we fo jointly choose church wey we go dey go. After church service, she call me sey that guy wey i talk sey dey peep into her phone, sey the guy that very day asked her how long shes been there for, she said, just 3 weeks, sey how come she come take know road when him don dey 3months he nver know road, sey that same guy him coincidentally meet am for the new church wey she come so, sey the guy dey look am, she comot eye, but later the guy come meet am sey are u not the one that showed me way to where I was going. Sey as him meet the guy coincidentally for church, he fit be sey he get why, maybe for job connection or what not. I nor say anything, cos coincidences arent something new in this world. Then the next day, she call me sey that same guy needs an apartment, sey na married guy with 4 kids, but him wife and 1kid dey here, 3 dey nija them nor fit come yet until house is ready, sey him dey ask her if she can help him get someone that can reference for him to get a house, ha him my wife come dey ginger me sey make i help am talk to my friend wey help us reference if him go fit help the guy too. I come sey no problem, she sey she go call the guy now and put us on 3 way call, i sey no p, i come dey wait for call, no call come and madam nor talk again, i come ring her sey hafa u nor do the three way call again? She sey the guy dey work, him nor fit talk,sey she don give the guy my number to call me later, me come sey no p, send him number I go save am down so if he calls i go know sey na him, madam nor gree send number, I come dey wonder sey wetin dey sup sef, normally I nor spose reason ahead, but me my instict dey very strong, i come begin dey put two and two together sey maybe the guy intention was never to get help but to use style dey hit on my madam maybe na why him nor wan talk to me but wan use my madam dey take communicate.
I come ask madam some some questions on previous ish, I come find out sey small lie dey, so I tackler her sey the way she take explain to me about how him meet the guy for train station nor join, she come vex sey me i come am liar, omo as we dey talk for whatsapp, i nor blv sey my madam added this guy to the call without my consent or my knowledge, so as I dey talk, the guy dey the background, i nor even know anything and the dude himself kept quiet, na after the call finish, I see am for call details sey the guy was added to the call, infact the dude even called me directky i nor pick. Now i got very angry, come call madam sey wetin dey sup, u added this dude wey talk sey him dey work him nor fit talk to the call wey me and u dey on and u didnt even notify me, ok lets agree sey if to sey u wan tell me sey u wan add the guy for call sey i nor go gree sey maybe na why u add am without my consent, at least after u add am secretly, u are suppose to talk and sey bae, since u are accusing me wrongly.
I have added the guy to this call so he can clear me out, but she didnt, she just added the guy and the dude himself kept quiet and didnt say a word until I hung up. I got very furious and told her this is the highest level of see finish and dragging in the mud, wetin u want that guy to dey feel like now? She said shes sorry that she only wanted to clear herself, I was now like even if u wanted to clear urself, if that the best way to go about it, the person who is the subject matter is the best person u need to introduce to clear u out? Later on i just bone the matter come apologise sey make we move on, na so she come begin dey yarn plenty, sey she call the guy that my hubby said that the way we met is unreal, sey the guy sef come talk sey wow, so your husband already thinks am sleeping with you, but i cant blame u though, u know u have a big back side, so thoughts like that from him is likely not a surprise, i was hmmmm to hear that, i come tell madam sey if na true this guy talk this thing, shouldnt u already know he has corny itentions, she said well she too dey wonder cos the two times wey them meet she nor wear wetin fit show her bkside so how d guy come take know. The matter end there, next day madam still dey worry me sey shey I go still help d guy, I was like I cant even talk to him, u dun useless me already for him presence, she dey claim sey she nor do anything wrong by adding him to the call, sey the guy know of agency wey fit help me get better job if i arrive, and sey the guy talk sey if me fit connect am to my friend to reference am for house, him go link me up fr the agency. I talk sey i nor dey interested. Omo I weak. Guys I need advise on how to handle issues over there, cos me nor dey take nonsense for nija here, but for there, one needs to chill, but then should it now be sey because we dey live for country wey give woman power, make woman come use that opportunity come dey fumble? Best you forget this UK thing and remain in 9ja with the kids. You will most likely lose them when you get there and then she will kick you out or get you in prison when you guys clash. The laws in the West is heavily in favor of women because they are seen as the weaker sex. Suggest you focus on yourself and the kids and probably consider filing for divorce. A lot of Nigerian women of today's younger generation are not reliable. I don't understand why a lot of the married ones misbehave when they go abroad. Asian people like Indians or Chinese who are from a more patriarchal, male dominated society than Nigeria, you very rarely see the wives misbehaving because she has entered abroad. 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by admixture: 12:09am On Oct 30, 2022 |
Please, you need to call her to order.Both of you should have a heart to heart talk, the marriage needs to be guided by rules for both. Above all, such kind of woman should not be left alone, she may have good intentions but there are guys out there who will do anything to get a woman. |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by ghettochild(m): 12:09am On Oct 30, 2022 |
Ebubu:
i rather stay in nigeria and be average rich and have my authority as a man than abroad and be more financially comfortable with a “strong-head wife” who will be more empowered to give me more trouble. Do u know if he stays back in naija?? The marriage is ended?? |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by NemoDatQuod(m): 12:16am On Oct 30, 2022 |
You said it all. Her behaviour as reported by the OP, is beyond shocking. If I were the OP, just on the basis of what has happened already, I won't step a foot outside Nigeria to come to the UK. There are things that a wife ( or husband for that matter) must never do. But it seems marriage in our generation is just two f..ckers going to the registry and living together. That's why some of us are single and balling! LyfeJennings:
second off, How do U add a total stranger to a private couple conversation and the guy no talk
Bro, won't do that to an Ashewo, how much more my girlfriend, not to talk of a wife
3 Likes |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by fluffybaby(f): 12:21am On Oct 30, 2022 |
Heathrow44:
oga a typical naija girl would take all ur Bs just t make sure she gets to UK, once she's in UK, she can't go bk to naija even if u force her to, that's how thorough they re towards executing their set objectives, the man should do d same So you know that men dish Bs on the average? Good thing women know how to stoop to conquer too |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by NemoDatQuod(m): 12:22am On Oct 30, 2022 |
I'm telling you. OP get heart. But he most likely would have done something violent if this had happened while he was here with her. That is why he needs to make sure he doesn't get here. It is better to be free in Naija than be in jail over here and then get deported afterwards. nahzyla:
How old is the Op's wife?
She behaves like a thoughtless child, imagine adding another man to listen to a personal call with your husband without telling the husband himself, where is the loyalty she is supposed to have in marriage? She just embarrassed her spouse and made him look stupid to another man.
And she is still relating with the guy and telling her husband to help him even when she knows the man has his eyes on her.
I wish you good luck ooo, Op. Sorry to say but you need to be very smart with her in your marriage after you get to UK. |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by zrocky: 12:26am On Oct 30, 2022 |
kbower:
Hi Nlanders
We all know no marriage is all that smooth and rosey, we all that are in it have challenges here and there, and for almost 11 years now, out of tolerance, ruggedity, minding my business in terms of taking care of the family have always been something that has held my marriage down, because the majority of the issue I have with my wife have always been issues of trust, transparency, accountability, respect and loyalty.
Some people will say with these things I have listed, that I may be asking for too much, but I can tell whoever would reason that way that it's not too much because am a responsible father/husband that have never for once strayed the family in anyway that will make me lack any of the above stated qualities a man can enjoy from a wife.
Why am I here? Ok.. After enduring so much for 11 years, we are relocating to the UK, she is the main applicant, myself and the 3 children are dependants, she traveled first, leaving myself and the 3 kids behind until she can secure accommodation b4 we leave.
I have heard about countless incidences of how SOME women treat their husbands and the POWER zoned to women in that country which makes it almost impossible for a man with a wife that gives him constant problem to be able to thrive in that country.
I just want to state three peculiar incidences that occured during her 1month stay over there that is already making me feel I have alot to face over there, though I know my God is bigger than anything, I just want people that are over there, or people that are experienced here and all over who are capable of handing a good advise for me on getting there to know how I can fare and withstand what is to come.
Based on the above from the major incidences I have experienced with her, first two weeks of being there, she had gone to check a house b4 heading to school, on her way back to school, she claimed she didn't take enough money and going back home might not be possible, I asked how she would wanna go about it
and she replied saying I will borrow money from Mr Mike, a man she just met at school on her first day of registration. I was like that's wrong, you don't form familiarity with someone you just met in another man's country, I said I will call a friend in liverpool to send you money and you could get your train ticket. She fumed, but I stood my ground and said that's how its going to be. I have asked her to collect a friends account details, since she has not opened an account yet, she said when her class finishes by 8.30pm she'll request details from her friend so the money can be sent. Fast forward to closing period, I messaged her to send me details, she ignored, I called ad she said nobody has an account that I should not worry she will sort herself, I was now like you just got to that country, u have no friends that u know too well to rely on, I am ur hubby and I opened a way for u to get money easily, yet u didn't make any effort to redeem the opportunity, omo she hung up on me then later called back that she gathered few pennies she had to get the ticket, I was now like why didn't u just say this instead of putting me on pressure over how to get money to convey u all the way from london to Luton, over an hour journey at night.
Secondly, on her next school day, she had previously told me prior to her closing hours that her data has finished and she's using schools wifi, that the moment she steps out from school to head home, she won't be having access to internet, etc WhatsApp and all of that, but importantly was to make use of GPS google map, that's what people over there use to navigate their way in order not to get lost, I was like without internet how do u intend to get to ur destination when u know how stressful it was for u getting lost the other day, now the same statement she made was, I will sort myself. I was raged and said woman I will ask my friend to buy u data so u can get home easy and safe, she said no proble, that she's leaving now, I said well since i wont be able to reach you on whats app, I will definitely call you on normal call shortly to give you the data pin to load. She said no P and hung up.
Moments later, my friend had sent me the data pin, na so I begin dey call wifey oo, over 15 missed calls she nor pick. Later she called back and said her phone was in her laptop bag and her hands were frozen so she couldnt put hands in the bag to pick the call and that she didn't even hear it ring.
The issue I posted up there are issues of not being accountable, and attitude of not showing that you don't need me when its not just about that but for security and your well being knowing fully well you are new in the country and proper guidelines needs to be taken.
Another incident happened 3rd week after her arrival, we were video chatting while she was on a train station waiting for train, next thing I noticed was a guy sitting BEHIND her, the guy boldly took a peep into her phone directly, seemingly trying to see who she was on video call with, immediately i called her attention to it, she just smiled and looked back and said silently, nawa some people for this London nor go mind their business. This very day developed a story that transitioned towards few things I will be stating.
The next sunday, I called her in the morin to say hi and all that, next thing I know she dun dey go church, she nor even discuss am with me and na wetin we dn agree on sey we fo jointly choose church wey we go dey go. After church service, she call me sey that guy wey i talk sey dey peep into her phone, sey the guy that very day asked her how long shes been there for, she said, just 3 weeks, sey how come she come take know road when him don dey 3months he nver know road, sey that same guy him coincidentally meet am for the new church wey she come so, sey the guy dey look am, she comot eye, but later the guy come meet am sey are u not the one that showed me way to where I was going. Sey as him meet the guy coincidentally for church, he fit be sey he get why, maybe for job connection or what not. I nor say anything, cos coincidences arent something new in this world. Then the next day, she call me sey that same guy needs an apartment, sey na married guy with 4 kids, but him wife and 1kid dey here, 3 dey nija them nor fit come yet until house is ready, sey him dey ask her if she can help him get someone that can reference for him to get a house, ha him my wife come dey ginger me sey make i help am talk to my friend wey help us reference if him go fit help the guy too. I come sey no problem, she sey she go call the guy now and put us on 3 way call, i sey no p, i come dey wait for call, no call come and madam nor talk again, i come ring her sey hafa u nor do the three way call again? She sey the guy dey work, him nor fit talk,sey she don give the guy my number to call me later, me come sey no p, send him number I go save am down so if he calls i go know sey na him, madam nor gree send number, I come dey wonder sey wetin dey sup sef, normally I nor spose reason ahead, but me my instict dey very strong, i come begin dey put two and two together sey maybe the guy intention was never to get help but to use style dey hit on my madam maybe na why him nor wan talk to me but wan use my madam dey take communicate.
I come ask madam some some questions on previous ish, I come find out sey small lie dey, so I tackler her sey the way she take explain to me about how him meet the guy for train station nor join, she come vex sey me i come am liar, omo as we dey talk for whatsapp, i nor blv sey my madam added this guy to the call without my consent or my knowledge, so as I dey talk, the guy dey the background, i nor even know anything and the dude himself kept quiet, na after the call finish, I see am for call details sey the guy was added to the call, infact the dude even called me directky i nor pick. Now i got very angry, come call madam sey wetin dey sup, u added this dude wey talk sey him dey work him nor fit talk to the call wey me and u dey on and u didnt even notify me, ok lets agree sey if to sey u wan tell me sey u wan add the guy for call sey i nor go gree sey maybe na why u add am without my consent, at least after u add am secretly, u are suppose to talk and sey bae, since u are accusing me wrongly.
I have added the guy to this call so he can clear me out, but she didnt, she just added the guy and the dude himself kept quiet and didnt say a word until I hung up. I got very furious and told her this is the highest level of see finish and dragging in the mud, wetin u want that guy to dey feel like now? She said shes sorry that she only wanted to clear herself, I was now like even if u wanted to clear urself, if that the best way to go about it, the person who is the subject matter is the best person u need to introduce to clear u out? Later on i just bone the matter come apologise sey make we move on, na so she come begin dey yarn plenty, sey she call the guy that my hubby said that the way we met is unreal, sey the guy sef come talk sey wow, so your husband already thinks am sleeping with you, but i cant blame u though, u know u have a big back side, so thoughts like that from him is likely not a surprise, i was hmmmm to hear that, i come tell madam sey if na true this guy talk this thing, shouldnt u already know he has corny itentions, she said well she too dey wonder cos the two times wey them meet she nor wear wetin fit show her bkside so how d guy come take know. The matter end there, next day madam still dey worry me sey shey I go still help d guy, I was like I cant even talk to him, u dun useless me already for him presence, she dey claim sey she nor do anything wrong by adding him to the call, sey the guy know of agency wey fit help me get better job if i arrive, and sey the guy talk sey if me fit connect am to my friend to reference am for house, him go link me up fr the agency. I talk sey i nor dey interested. Omo I weak. Guys I need advise on how to handle issues over there, cos me nor dey take nonsense for nija here, but for there, one needs to chill, but then should it now be sey because we dey live for country wey give woman power, make woman come use that opportunity come dey fumble? Listen brother. Nobody is worth you happiness. You have to use your head. Nigerian men and women are very wicked in this abroad where you one come so but you have to use you head. No here my advice let her be, and zero your heart. Just accept say she can cheat on you and nothing will happen. Now when you get to uk. I fact right now start planing yourself, start develop yourself if it raising your own money start doing so. Since your friend is there ask him about jobs. Now as I said leave madam a lone. Just make sure you focus on yourself, if possible apply for masters course or PhD if you've not done so, get yourself engaged on something keep yourself busy forget that woman, anything she do just ignore and focus on building yourself. Because the truth is your wife is not faithful to you and if you go there and do something you are gone. Now build yourself and japa. You fit relocate to another country leave am for uk 2 Likes |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by NemoDatQuod(m): 12:31am On Oct 30, 2022 |
It is not only abroad that people have little moral values. There are as many people in Nigeria without moral values as here in the UK. The only difference is that there is accountability here as the law will catch up with you. A few years ago, it was reported by a globally respected institution that 30% of first born children in Nigerian families are not biological children of the husband. We live in an exceptionally critical time in human history. It takes exceptional effort for a couple to be and remain faithful to one another. Millions of people in relationships are being unfaithful each day without being caught. It is only the one that is caught that is said to be unfaithful. Unfaithfulness is the order of the day. zed7:
Abroad will destroy you if you don't have a very strong foundation. Know the woman you take abroad.
People over there have little moral values and if you or your spouse don't have values also, goodbye. |
| Re: Married Guys That Relocated To The UK, Whats Your Experience by ayinba1(f): 12:37am On Oct 30, 2022 |
Heathrow44:
simple, isn't it much better he's over there than over here? He should take his time, very soon if he pushes too much, she would use dat as excuse to quit d relationship and marry a Brit or a well to do Nigerian man there, and Op has lost many things
1. Japa to the UK
2. His beloved wife
3. Shared custody with children and if care is not taken when it gets to divorce half of his assets would be shared and he mandated to pay monthly Upkeep for his wife and children, which makes it hard for him to even talk of marrying again or starting up a business Na so Brit and well to do Nigerian men full ground for after 3 woman in the UK? Have you met the single young Nigerian girls still searching? I am not even talking about the British ones. This man senses that his marriage is heading a wrong way and I will give him kudos for trying to reign it back on course. But that is all he can do, try…. A lot of good advice have been given. It sounds like he invested a lot to get his wife to the UK. It is important that he gets himself there, and establishes himself properly. It is tough to imagine that your wife is playing games but he should just control himself and not beat her or abuse her and continue to try his best. 1 Like |
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