priceactionx:

You are the second class in your own house now either you believe or not. You are a nanny now in your own house.
As you allow her to be the primary holder, then expect alot of shitz in the coming weeks and months when she is totally settled.
She has interest in that guy too may be to update her account and meet up expenses.
Sorry for now, there is nothing you can do than to work your self out personally not minding what ever she does. Zero your mind totally. Abroad is difficult now to survive and every opportunity thrown to a naija girl, she will accept not minding if she is married or not. The handwriting is there. Abroad is different from naija. If you over step your boundaries with her, you might land back to naija in a tinkle of an eye And loose all.
The choice is yours. You can't control her and she won't listen to you either.

This is the BEST ADVICE have seen.

ZERO YOUR MIND. I was going to say sth close this but Egbon has capture everything. You're second level now. She has you now, she can't do shii without her most likely. She understands her position. Feelings can make her emotional towards you or the other man intra days. So expect crazy calls$no calls.

ZERO YOUR MIND. Pet her (don't be extra) and remove jealousy from your actions. Before she starts calling you insecure. I have been in a similar position not married, but my girl earned more than me for a while and I saw EVE. Sorry EVE. Wtf. Why do I keep writing *Evil and gets changed to EVE.

THIS THREAD'S COMMENT SECTION is a Bible of wise men writing their edicts and proficient principles used in curtailing a lot of species of women. Women are not the same. So you will unfortunately meet one advice that seemed familiar to your Ex or present.

IbrahimSola:
Something you don't want to admit is happening.

1. It's possible that your wife had an online contact with this Mr. Mike before she left Nigeria. It is also possible that they met for the first time in the aircraft or even airport the day she travelled and got close. But the closeness is not ordinary. For someone to look directly into her phone to see who she's talking to, it means he has a level of control over her.

2. It could be that she secretly added him to the call because she wanted him to hear firsthand what you were ranting about so to know how to navigate. It is possible that she was at that very place with him.

3. The church meeting? It was planned. In fact, he took her to the church, and that says a lot. Why then did she lie about the coincidence?

4. She lied about the freezing hands. She didn't want to take your call. So where was she and what was she doing? Maybe they were sitting out that day. She's trying to use her free moments without disturbance.

5. Apart from school, is your wife working? If she is, the man is the one who linked her, and if true, she must have known her way before today. If not, for him to know agencies that could connect you to jobs, it is obvious that he lied about the house thing. He knows the town more than your wife. Probably he has not bedded her yet, but it's close.

6. It is likely that the guy has chopped her or fondled her backside already. For someone you just met to make that kind of comment in an environment where that can easily pass for sexual harassment, it means that they're deep in each other. That cannot come from an ordinary friend you just met. It is deeper.

My layman conclusion:. If your wife has not given him the big backside already, it will soon happen. Your wife has been evasive and you're likely to encounter more realities of the West very soon, especially when you move down to the wild West. Your wife has a high tendency for cheating and your instincts are not wrong. Why is the guy afraid of talking to you? Someone is eating your fat backside guy.

You really get time to analyse situations you ain't sure of. Op go and die of hbp because of a woman you have been with for 11 years. Jobless man

The 27million was not in bulk, I had like 9 million cash, so I had to work extra hard, did other side businesses to raise the rest, so it wasnt like the 27 milly was by the side. You guys saying i couldnt have relocated if I had such amount of money need to understand that we all have different view of this life and how we all plan to succeed and make a better living for ourselves. I have chosen this path because it aint like shes the one that brought the idea, I did, am this kind of guy that love to stay in my country, but with the situation of the country, I personally got tired and the best thing for me is just to move asap.

dazzlingd:
I don’t know how you men agree to become dependent to a woman and follow her to UK, aren’t you a man. The African in you says you are the man and a woman should follow and support your dreams not the other way. You cannot import western standard to an African, there won’t be balance. When Nigerian girls get abroad, the freedom run them crazy and they can’t sustain it.

The dependant can work well... Student is limited to 20hrs
The man needs to provide n face the hustle more..... More reason men do dependant

caandi:
well it depends on the birth month of the individual I will share some documents so you see the sign your birth month falls, now I don’t believe in tarot reading, palm reading and all that but I find zodiac signs on the surface interesting, when you compare it to your xteristics or that of your family members or someone you know, you will be truly amazed at what you discover, you will see similarities

Hi there @Caandi

Thanks for the feedback you gave me and the OP.

I have no inhibitions about the zodiac signs and astrology since there are aspects of the cosmic energy that operate within time and space. This is the reason why for years, I have read about the eclectic mix of global faiths and religious paths to get a balanced perspective of people and life.

I'll have a look at what you attached here and I hope the OP (kbower) gets to see it too.

Have a great time ahead.

Ciao.

Carcholce:


Comrade off the Mic please. Don’t loud it

My Mouth is sealed.

Go and do magun.

It's just unfortunate that your wife has been a little insincere and gullible for what will make her future secure with her family. Many of them are natural dominating when they are financially empowered. Just like they say, just take it cool with her for the sake of your kids and [center]watch[/center] her closely if she gets deeper with the other man. Life is too short to worry over her. Try and relocate yourself there and then be financially stable and move on without her.

vickydevoka:

You have not been to abroad. A man and woman works equally. So him must clean poo

as long as he's not just staying home while only she works. He should avoid that like a plaque. If it's like that, it's better he stays back in Nigeria doing his job and just going there for visit until a job is sure for him there. Else he will hear it double

caandi:
we can’t help it, when something is inborne
It takes grace of God to overcome such behaviours

I think most ladies need the face of God. They way their attitude changes surprise me . Most divorced lady are the cause of they triggered it.
First thing I will do when I bring my wife is introduce her to a very good church that tutor marriage. Though she is good but I know she will change. Lemme me start preparing for it

OkoAmarashy:


She is not even working. It is the man sponsoring the idiot of a lady.

Why u calling her idiot na. The husband no call am that. Let him get there first. No help am conclude.

petitejolie:
as long as he's not just staying home while only she works. He should avoid that like a plaque. If it's like that, it's better he stays back in Nigeria doing his job and just going there for visit until a job is sure for him there. Else he will hear it double

When you are in rome do like Romans. A relationship in Western world is three time stronger than marriages in Nigeria. If you dare cheat on a white woman she will waste you with bullet. In UK they don't marry much, all the have is partner but write down there dos and dons in the relationship. The run same account in most cases. They pay for house mortgage and car contract from same account.
When the wife is working the husband is taking care of the kids and vise versa. Nigeria people want to have separate account and want to have their own savings while in marriage. If I can't trust a lady or have same account I will leave her. In marriage 1+1 =1 and not 2

Amotolongbo:
All I can read here are
1. A lady who isn’t straight forward
2. A man who feels insecure

Person marry wife. E know the kain person wen im wife be you sit down some kilometers away call am insecure. Did anything he wrote there sound insecure to you? You are just a mumu.

kbower:


This is exactly what I did over the last 2 days now, and guess what, she has been stalking me with calls. I only call her when there is something important to discuss, but calls based on, i miss u and all of that nor even dey again, the moment she noticed I have drifted from showing affection over calls, she started bombarding me with calls complaining that I dont call her.

Aww she still get u for mind na.

She’s lonely over dia. Just take it easy,one step at a time.

kbower:


I cant stay here, we have sold almost everything, visa is running, accommodation already secured. But I know sey God dey sha.

As a man U mess up, that ever allow a woman to lead you. It would have be better to move from another state in Nigeria than the UK.

Prepare yourself for the worse, if U like your peace of mind better return to Nigeria or divorce her.

Okonandmary:
You will lose your wife soon.
Just a little freedom and she is misplacing her priorities.

what is her priority?

Sometimes i winder why it is difficult for some women to play along as a team reaching a goal with their husbands

what makes you think she is on your team
she only married you because she couldnt get what she wanted

I will advice you not to worry yourself, the cure for this isn't to run yourself down with hypertension. Stop caring and acting like you cant live without her.

advanceDNA:


I feel your pain..Its sad when a man is with a woman that only see his sacrifices as nothing but her entitlement as a wife....

just calm down....its not like she can pull it off without you....20hrs perweek work is nothing ..

when u land there ...u have the advantage to work more, earn more money and if all goes well...get a sponsorship job and no longer be dependent on her visa..

she will divorce him and collect half of whatever he makes.she can pull it off without him.na abroad o not shithole country fa

agaba:


Tier 2 main applicant will tie him to restricticted hours of work (mostly 40hrs+20hrs with another similar job). Best he switch to Tier2 as dependent partner which will have no restrictions.

.
So he will still be under her mercy baa?
It's better he gets a work sponsorship and move

Carcholce:
.
.
.
OP, sorry in advance. Not saying she’s going to cheat on you but she’ll so pepper you that you’ll be forced to become a SIMPle gentleman.


I can imagine how you’ll feel when She tells you her new man friend or Mr Mike is coming to help her set up the new TV and then her phone becomes unreachable till the next day because her phone died and Nepa took light in the UK.


PS. Please we need to see picture of her assx for complete data assessment.

OP is lost already.. He should just commot mind where that woman dey. Find another big nyyash for Nigeria dey fire. A lot of big nyyashes here. Let her enjoy herself, she is been longing for this freedom. Oga OP is just a SIMPle man already.

For the person saying classes dont hold at that time, we have done video school severally when she's at class codedly seeing her lecturer delivering lectures, so do ur findings for uel and u will verify what I just said.

occfx:


OP is lost already.. He should just commot mind where that woman dey. Find another big nyyash for Nigeria dey fire. A lot of big nyyashes here. Let her enjoy herself, she is been longing for this freedom. Oga OP is just a SIMPle man already.

STFU

kbower:


STFU

Truth doesn't sound nice but we have to say it anyways . That woman is riding you and your only option is to prioritize your happiness. Anything that will make you happy should be your selfish desire. Just let her be and move on, if not you may not survive the shockers.

occfx:


Truth doesn't sound nice but we have to say it anyways . That woman is riding you and your only option is to prioritize your happiness. Anything that will make you happy should be your selfish desire. Just let her be and move on, if not you may not survive the shockers.

Na so them dey leave woman wey u dun dey with for 11 years and 3kids? I understand that the recent occurrences are sort of bad, but he dun reach level wey i go talk sey i wan leave am for there? Abeg anything wey wan happen make he happen

kbower:


Na so them dey leave woman wey u dun dey with for 11 years and 3kids? I understand that the recent occurrences are sort of bad, but he dun reach level wey i go talk sey i wan leave am for there? Abeg anything wey wan happen make he happen

Oh yea I forgot she is mummying 3 kids... However, consider your mental health. Women can emotionally kill a man before his time, avoid it.

occfx:


Oh yea I forgot she is mummying 3 kids... However, consider your mental health. Women can emotionally kill a man before his time, avoid it.

I have been handling this over the last 11 years, not like am being complacent, but God will handle the rest for me.

OP, I took my time to read your post (not all of it though) and read lots of comments here as well.

Marriage is so complex that you can’t allow your marriage live off opinions and experiences of strangers. Eventhough some could be useful,, the variables in marriage are to many to learn about marriage through opinions. Now imagine the numerous opinions and advise given to you on this post, don’t forget..everyone is contributing according to either peculiar experience which might be different from yours or according to their personal view of marriage.

Like a revered preacher said…Marriage is a thing of the spirit. The major mentors on the issues of marriage in the bible were not married, that is God, Jesus and Apostle Paul.

There is a template for this marriage thing, forget the whole westernisation, feminism and what you call it. Men only understand LOVE from the prism of RESPECT and SUBMISSION from the woman…that’s why there’s no place in the bible that asked wife to love their husbands, rather they should summit and respect their husbands, because psychologically, that’s a man’s idea of love.

Men or Husbands on the other hand MUST provide that cover of security (physically and emotionally) to their wives, because by that it is easier for the woman’s kneels to touch the ground as a support to the husband.

Whenever these principles are violated, trust me…sooner or later the marriage will witness instability or other negative consequences of marriages

Just have a back up plan to get back to Nigeria if you divorce which I hope never happens ….if she comes after you for child support for 3 kids it will render you broke ,they will take that money at source if you refuse to pay and it will be a lot for 3 kids ….shine ya eye

kbower:


I have been handling this over the last 11 years, not like am being complacent, but God will handle the rest for me.

I just finished reading thru all the comments beginning from 8am today too this very min. Guy, you must definitely be as old as me (in your early 40s or late 30s). I followed through with your adjusted attitude towards her calls especially, and probably your prayers, which may have resulted to her coming to her senses. Thanks to God. That was just one of those things women, whatever their status, face on a daily basis. Keep commending her for such accomplishments. More of such will come her way and she will successfully come off unscathed, hopefully.
But e no go easy for u Sha as you eventually join up with her.
I don't wish to see you on NL again with further details. C how small CHILDREN dey insult u.
As for me i dey 9ja, and will give my kids the best of education as my money can afford and go oversees on vacation with them every so often.
Y? Ask David, Obi Cubana, Chief Priest and Wizkid to relocate and here from them.
Y don't the Hausa man Relocate as much as other ethnic groups?
Leave matter Sha.
Besides,I don't want to be a murderer or for domestic violence as a result of being driven to madness by such attitudes from wife and my destiny is ruined as I spend the rest of my life in jail.
Best of luck bro

NoToPile:


Points to note

Your dad was/is a provider, he was/is truly the head in title, actions and in deeds. I respect him for that it's not easy, even if your mum worked feeding, school fess, accommodation 3 major things you mentioned here were not her headache how many women can say such today? How many women have these 3 alone settled by their husband's. You know the answer.

Your mum said she never suffered in her marriage so why will your mum misbehave it would be wickedness to be bad to someone who had fulfilled his role as a husband. It's very easy to submit to a man who treats you right as God ordained it.
9 out of 10 times women who misbehave when they have small opportunity are those who have been treated wrongly by their husband's in the past.

It is boys of nowadays who want partnership read all over Nairaland, they can't even provide for their family they also want a lady to provide equally, birth children, nurture them and do all sorts, without relinquishing their leadership role, women are naturally not built for both roles if they do both slowly resistance and resentment will begin to build, then slowly it manifests, even in very religious women.
The economy too doesn't help matters these days so who do we blame? I also don't have an answer.


See ehn until we all go back to the basics as God ordained it marriages might continue to fail.

So you are telling me most Nigerian husbands don't fulfill their role. You are talking trash please. How many ladies like yourself can be supportive of their husbands when the man goes through a tough time briefly? You girls allow all these feminists on Facebook and Twitter to brainwash you into believing nonsense. You husband can never be your equal. Check the Bible when God cursed Adam and Eve. He defined things that way. If you don't like it, don't marry or go become a lesbian. There are useless men out there yes, nothing stops you from divorcing if your husband is useless. Instead, a lot of good men out there undergo stress due to very unsupportive wives. The concept of marriage in Nigeria does not appeal to most guys anymore. It is good sef cos Nigeria is over-populated.

My Dad's business had issues 3 times when I was growing up, and my Mum single handedly carried the house expenses briefly cos she also had her own business. She never complained, the only thing we had to do was cut down a bit on expenses until things picked up again for my Dad. How many of you so-called modern women today in Nigeria can make such a sacrifice without opening my mouths to expose your husband's shame to the world. I rather marry a Cameroon lady, our neighbors here than you jokers. I have travelled several times to Douala and Yaounde for business and the ladies there are very feminine and very few of them fake it. I have also noticed that the Cameroon ladies who come to Nigeria get spoilt after living here for a few years. Even Senegal and Ivory Coast women sef are better than 9ja girls.

kbower:


I have been handling this over the last 11 years, not like am being complacent, but God will handle the rest for me.

It sounds like things are turning around for you both. The reality is that it is tough and challenging. If you were verbally or physically abusive to her, please do not attempt that when you get to the UK. At the same time it does not mean that she should be abusive to you. Even though women are listened to, you are a human being as well and she has no right to abuse you. Try to understand the community/society and adjust your behavior. I wish you well, there is a lot of good that you both can still do for your family.

@timojerry
What you described sounds like an abusive situation. It’s unhealthy for you and your children. And your wife. I am unable to locate your original post So I am unable to quote it.
Please find a social worker and have a discussion with them on the way forward. At the minimum, they will document it.
This will serve as a witness for you if anything were to happen. Because if you say she’s yelling at you all the time, things could escalate at any time. And even if she’s a woman, she has no right to do (be emotionally abusive to her husband) that even in the UK.