₦airaland Forum

Magnoliaa:
Na this matter I just dey leave for Facebook so.

How coincidental.

I don screenshot responses and hot teks taya.

Even went to Google this issue of Dr. Iyalla-Amadi vs. NIS and women getting a letter of consent from their husbands first before they could get an Int'l passport pre-2009.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.vanguardngr.com/2009/06/court-voids-immigration-condition-for-issuing-passports-to-married-women/amp/

Maidia, you DEFINITELY KNOW what my opinion on the matter will be.

I wish Average Nigerian Women godspeed in their marriages abeg.

Somebody even called them tenants disguising as Mrs., and that can be kicked out anytime.

I remember a similar topic on this on Your View on TVC, Mariam was on this matter and that adults don't seek permission but rather inform and hold each other accountable.

One so-called marriage counsellor that counsels from his Bible and not other means of practice just started blabbing the same blab these women are blabbing so

pocohantas:
I know a man that banned his wife from going tp see her mother. As in, he told her if she goes there, she should pack her bags same day. She started hiding to go see her mother. The mother would cry and chase her away. “How can my own daughter hide to come see me?”

Same hometown o. If you throw stone, e go touch the mama roof. The man is late now. I wonder if she would now start going to see her mother. These things happen a lot. From the gender that claims they love peace and it is women that tear family apart. Na who no know them dey fit deceive.

In all these do these men take permission from their wives too?

cococandy:
Unfortunately I don’t have twitter. Are there screenshots?

I'll try to share some screenshots soon.

But I think if you click the Twitter's link, it should take you directly to the thread and you can read the posts even without an account.

And someone there said that is why Igbo women maltreat their househelps. I actually have same view on child abuse in IGBOLAND. But when I said it here, they attacked me.

Igbos do not give their wives breathing space. Before you marry their sons, you never enter sef, they have started chochocho. You enter kwanu, double wahala. Your husband die? Lord help you!

Allow women breathe!! These are full grown adults for christ sake!

AmazonTopaz:
In all these do these men take permission from their wives too?

You wish!!

pocohantas:
I know a man that banned his wife from going tp see her mother. As in, he told her if she goes there, she should pack her bags same day. She started hiding to go see her mother. The mother would cry and chase her away. “How can my own daughter hide to come see me?”

Same hometown o. If you throw stone, e go touch the mama roof. The man is late now. I wonder if she would now start going to see her mother. These things happen a lot. From the gender that claims they love peace and it is women that tear family apart. Na who no know them dey fit deceive.

There are some cases of subservience/submission that I still even try to understand. They are stupid, but I understand them.

But you see this one?

I cannot rationalise it!

I cannot.

How did it start?? How did it happen? Seeking permission in a relationship? Before I can go to parties or visit my mom?! Asin, my own mother.

And the sm*lly thing is them trying to explain it away under 'discussing and informing'. What kind of informing is that one that your husband will lock door and keep key say bla bla ble blu bulaba?

I go don plan travel. Buy ticket or anything, pack load, one son of Adam will now tell me to sit down inside because xygiffdgjdcjyfjjnn.

Come and see dis****ing takes.

Some are even calling themselves their husbands' children.

Omo, THEY have a long way to go ooo (not us; they*. Nor be my wahala).

cococandy:
Unfortunately I don’t have twitter. Are there screenshots?

Well it was a Twitter thread created by someone with the name Bitter Feminist on Twitter who was sharing screenshots on how Igbo Facebook married women community take permissions from their lords and personal saviours aka husbands before they go and see their parents

cococandy:
Unfortunately I don’t have twitter. Are there screenshots?

These are married women condemning the original writer who posed the question on the second photo below that how on earth would women want to take her advice and that any woman that listens to her is going to destroy her marriage.

cococandy:
Unfortunately I don’t have twitter. Are there screenshots?

Anyway these are facebook Feminist response

cococandy:
Unfortunately I don’t have twitter. Are there screenshots?

Continued.

On Twitter the reactions were from women who stated that those women are particularly from one region, living in bondage, Title of Mrs, in abusive relationships etc.
Some were saying that these women should keep marrying these crazy men so that the single ones are not unfortunate to meet those kind of men. The Twitter reactions plenty.

Magnoliaa:
I'll try to share some screenshots soon.

But I think if you click the Twitter's link, it should take you directly to the thread and you can read the posts even without an account.

Cococandy try clicking on it, if it will work like that.

pocohantas:
And someone there said that is why Igbo women maltreat their househelps. I actually have same view on child abuse in IGBOLAND. But when I said it here, they attacked me.

Igbos do not give their wives breathing space. Before you marry their sons, you never enter sef, they have started chochocho. You enter kwanu, double wahala. Your husband die? Lord help you!

Allow women breathe!! These are full grown adults for christ sake!

I am from the South East and I don't advice women to marry Igbo men sha

Anyway they say I hate Nigerian men so I don't care.

My submission on this is pretty straightforward some Nigerian marriages are a nightmare.
I know of one who stopped his wife from going to help at a family occasion on the day she was meant to go after informing him a week prior about her plans ooo.

The woman was already driving to the venue, she left the kids at home and the husband when he gets home will take care of them that evening. The man called her oo that she should reverse back home oo that if she doesn't he would divorce her.

The thing is the men who were at the occasion heard the whole thing because the woman turned it to a big issue and as an events planner refused to do an event for her husband's friend because of what he did. He forbade her from going to the gathering the men at the gathering said the man knew how to run his home, it is opinion the wife should obey, they used the word 'obey' and 'respect' and that women should listen that he doesn't owe any explanation. Anyway, the woman doesn't owe the husband or his friend any explanation as a week to the event she cancelled her plans to help the husband's friend to spite him too and it affected the money the man would earn from the arrangement.

The thing is men would support men, women must support women. I have always had the view from my early twenties not too long ago anyway that if as a Nigerian woman you can avoid marrying Nigerian men or Nigerian bred men please do.

Our mothers of old raised these men poorly. I know of a boy in the University who could not cook as his sisters did it for him at home while in school he dey call him mama to tell am how to put ingriedients for food. For my mind I say them for give am one of him sisters to follow body come help am cook for school.

Many of these Nigerian bred men have a terrible view of women and themselves. They are looking for women to control nothing more if you see a Nigerian man based abroad you would know that they are different from Nigerian men raised in the country.

They don't listen or take advice, they dish out what they cannot take.


Anyway, Nigerian married Mrs una dooh. Na still in bondage people dey celebrate 20 years of blissful nonsense.

Amazon, your story reminds me of one I read today too.

This woman was already at someplace o when her horseband call her, say if she sleep overnight for where she dey so, na divorce.

And this woman had to take night bus back home.


Kai.

May God not let us get married to monsters in the form of men.

Magnoliaa:
Amazon, your story reminds me of one I read today too.

This woman was already at someplace o when her horseband call her, say if she sleep overnight for where she dey so, na divorce.

And this woman had to take night bus back home.


Kai.

May God not let us get married to monsters in the form of men.

I saw it and it reminded me of this story.

I can't remember who said this but if you have marriage in mind who you marry is one of the most important decisions you make in life and such decisions must not be taken lightly.

AmazonTopaz:
I am from the South East and I don't advice women to marry Igbo men sha

Anyway they say I hate Nigerian men so I don't care.

Nnem, you can manage the exposed ones. Especially the ones in corporate sector and Lagos brought up. Not brought up in Ladipo o. But you see those ones in Aba, Onitsha, Enugu… I wish you love and light.

They also complain of we Lagos brought up Igbo girls. Like I care. I don’t even want them and based on experience, I STILL DO NOT WANT!

Magnoliaa:
There are some cases of subservience/submission that I still even try to understand. They are stupid, but I understand them.

But you see this one?

I cannot rationalise it!

I cannot.

How did it start?? How did it happen? Seeking permission in a relationship? Before I can go to parties or visit my mom?! Asin, my own mother.

And the sm*lly thing is them trying to explain it away under 'discussing and informing'. What kind of informing is that one that your husband will lock door and keep key say bla bla ble blu bulaba?

I go don plan travel. Buy ticket or anything, pack load, one son of Adam will now tell me to sit down inside because xygiffdgjdcjyfjjnn.

Come and see dis****ing takes.

Some are even calling themselves their husbands' children.

Omo, THEY have a long way to go ooo (not us; they*. Nor be my wahala).

Most times it is based on issues with her family. Some of these issues happen during the marriage rites and he would already plan in his mind to pay the bride price, take his wife home and show them pepper. The poor woman would be the one caught in the middle for a problem that has no direct link to her. The bride price wasn’t given to her. Neither were the items on the list.

This thing happens a lot in the SE and I know way too many.

Generally there is no pressure on men to be well-behaved towards their in-laws. I have never seen anyone advising men to take their mother inlaws as their own. Some of them do not even have their inlaws number. Many in fact. It is the wife that keeps covering up. Extending nonexistent greetings from her husband. They dismiss all this as normal. They are busy. They are taking care of the wife…so what more do you want from them?

Marriage is beautiful, but I think we women pay more dearly when it is sour or goes sour. As such, no pressures. When you find the one that ticks the important boxes, hold am tight.

I also think our mothers didn’t teach us enough on the ways of men. It is beyond submission, allowing him have his way sexually and cooking. I find myself talking a lot with my sister in-law these days and she is totally clueless.

these responses have me rolling on the floor

AmazonTopaz:
Continued.

On Twitter the reactions were from women who stated that those women are particularly from one region, living in bondage, Title of Mrs, in abusive relationships etc.
Some were saying that these women should keep marrying these crazy men so that the single ones are not unfortunate to meet those kind of men. The Twitter reactions plenty.

The thing is that it’s your fellow Nigerian women who will argue with you until they are blue in the face that there’s no gender discrimination in our Nigerian society.

How we wan solve problems that we refuse to acknowledge?

cococandy:
The thing is that it’s your fellow Nigerian women who will argue with you until they are blue in the face that there’s no gender discrimination in our Nigerian society.

How we wan solve problems that we refuse to acknowledge?

Patriarchy princesses and its gatekeepers.

All these pick me women dey tire person.

cococandy:
The thing is that it’s your fellow Nigerian women who will argue with you until they are blue in the face that there’s no gender discrimination in our Nigerian society.

How we wan solve problems that we refuse to acknowledge?

They know these things. Some of them do not want to be demonised as unmarriageable feminists on social media. So they say whatever to get the pass.

Now to the topic…

I do not see a problem with a woman taking PERMISSION from her man/husband to do certain things or go to certain places.

I’ll be lying if I say I do not do it. I have stopped wearing some things and stopped hangouts with my colleagues because “he” didn’t like it. It is normal and it could be healthy as no one is perfect and sometimes your partner helps check excesses. I also tell him before I make some expenses. Major expenses, not 2k, 10k stuff.

As a woman, I won’t allow my man go watch football by 10pm at a bar. Majorly for security reasons. So your reason for stopping your partner from going somewhere should make sense and not an ego trip.

The problem I have with Nigerian men is that they abuse every power given to them. They singlehandedly spoilt the definition and concept of submission. Now it is permission. Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile. Throw in submission, obey, respect, virtuous, good wife, etc and you would look like a villain for “disobeying”.

Stopping a woman from going to see her family or friends is plain senseless. That is why many married women are depressed. Asides doing school run, they have no single life and existence to themselves.

See them patriarchy princesses.

No wonder divorce dey reign for Nigeria now because na only women dem dey train for marriage and not men. The men end up becoming terrible horsebands.

Una dooh.

pocohantas:
Now to the topic…

I do not see a problem with a woman taking PERMISSION from her man/husband to do certain things or go to certain places.

I’ll be lying if I say I do not do it. I have stopped wearing some things and stopped hangouts with my colleagues because “he” didn’t like it. It is normal and it could be healthy as no one is perfect and sometimes your partner helps check excesses. I also tell him before I make some expenses. Major expenses, not 2k, 10k stuff.

As a woman, I won’t allow my man go watch football by 10pm at a bar. Majorly for security reasons. So your reason for stopping your partner from going somewhere should make sense and not an ego trip.

The problem I have with Nigerian men is that they abuse every power given to them. They singlehandedly spoilt the definition and concept of submission. Now it is permission. Give them an inch and they’ll take a mile. Throw in submission, obey, respect, virtuous, good wife, etc and you would look like a villain for “disobeying”.

Stopping a woman from going to see her family or friends is plain senseless. That is why many married women are depressed. Asides doing school run, they have no single life and existence to themselves.

Agreed.
These are compromises we make for a better relationship however in the context these women are talking about where it is usually a one way thing we go riot.

What you said now is something you mutually do the problem arises where one feels only that party is accountable alone and not vice versa. That is even the context of the entire Twitter thread.

AmazonTopaz:
Agreed.
These are compromises we make for a better relationship however in the context these women are talking about where it is usually a one way thing we go riot.

What you said now is something you mutually do the problem arises where one feels only that party is accountable alone and not vice versa. That is even the context of the entire Twitter thread.

Yea. And small thing, they are telling the woman to pack and leave or locking her out. Very disgusting behaviour.

pocohantas:
Most times it is based on issues with her family. Some of these issues happen during the marriage rites and he would already plan in his mind to pay the bride price, take his wife home and show them pepper. The poor woman would be the one caught in the middle for a problem that has no direct link to her. The bride price wasn’t given to her. Neither were the items on the list.

Hmmmmm.

This sheds some light.

So they've probably been wronged one way or the other, and then have resolved to taking things out on and meting punishment on the woman. For something she's unaware of.

Still boils down to their stunted growth and lack of maturity (on the men's part).

If you are not okay with something, why not open up and speak? Let it be resolved?

They will now harbour that thing in their minds until it festers to...

Nawa o.

This thing happens a lot in the SE and I know way too many.

Generally there is no pressure on men to be well-behaved towards their in-laws. I have never seen anyone advising men to take their mother inlaws as their own. Some of them do not even have their inlaws number. Many in fact. It is the wife that keeps covering up. Extending nonexistent greetings from her husband. They dismiss all this as normal. They are busy. They are taking care of the wife…so what more do you want from them?

Marriage is beautiful, but I think we women pay more dearly when it is sour or goes sour. As such, no pressures. When you find the one that ticks the important boxes, hold am tight.

I also think our mothers didn’t teach us enough on the ways of men. It is beyond submission, allowing him have his way sexually and cooking. I find myself talking a lot with my sister in-law these days and she is totally clueless.

You made so many reasonable points in here.

Persephone1:
"Marry a typical Nigerian Man at your own peril"

Like Poco typed our mothers didn't teach us enough about Men.

Men are the worst in this joke of an institution.

We create a society devoid of emotional engagement but want the benefits emotions birth.

God.

God.

God.

The truth pills in here.

Tbh, the template "we've" all been given for marriage from our parents is a complete disaster. When put to the test/fire.

Beautiful submission from you too.

Make I just dey read una comments, dey nod my head, 'cause I can't even find words to express my thoughts right now...

cococandy:
The thing is that it’s your fellow Nigerian women who will argue with you until they are blue in the face that there’s no gender discrimination in our Nigerian society.

How we wan solve problems that we refuse to acknowledge?

Thank you!

Like, for reallllll.

That's it.

These women are even IGNORANT of how wrong and abusive their situations are.

This topic particularly for me is a major eye-opener to how women are the BIGGEST gate-keepers of patriarchy.

I have read things today that needs me to wash my eyes with bleach, 'cause whaaat.

pocohantas:
They know these things. Some of them do not want to be demonised as unmarriageable feminists on social media. So they say whatever to get the pass.

Bingo

Persephone1:
"Marry a typical Nigerian Man at your own peril"

When I type these words, it's not from a place of hate towards men ( I don't hate anybody) It is from careful analysis of marriages to Nigerian Men which mostly lack genuine love, empathy and kindness. Nigerian Marriages are mostly driven by "needs" and "means" to an end. Too systematic and unnatural and the one with the highest bargaining chip gets the most benefit.

Like Poco typed our mothers didn't teach us enough about Men. They didn't know either until they got married, unfortunately they are still learning about Men too. That is why the popular saying "Ile oko ile eko ni" (Your husband house is a school) is usually the soothing balm to unfavourable experiences a wife has with her husband. One question I always ask myself when I hear these words as parting words of advice for young wife is. Does that mean she is getting married into a strange,unknown and possibly unfavourable world? Why represent her husband as an unending course? And will she ever graduate and be relieved of painful lessons?. Ask these women these questions and they will shake their heads in mockery but the truth is, They weren't taught enough about the Men they are getting married to. How would they when they didn't know who they are either. To understand another person there must be a certain level of self awareness you have reached yourself. This way you have enough level of intelligence to be a perfect judge of character. But when a woman believe all she needs to be is a good cook and good konji reliever then all she will seek is a man who has Kitchen and bed.


Men are the worst in this joke of an institution. Configured to believe all they need to posses is Financial ability to provide. The upbringing of the typical Nigerian Man is very very wrong. Trained with little to no empathy,kindness, self care, sense of belonging, self love but burdened with sense of responsibility brought up like a robot to "provide" only. Most Nigerian men are robotic minded, unable to connect emotionally without aide yet this men are expected to naturally see their brides as a part of themselves. Wishful thinking if you ask me. And when some men luckily achieve this, the society (Men and Women) mock him. Aside this, they don't readily know what they want and are easily tossed by the society.

We create a society devoid of emotional engagement but want the benefits emotions birth. Compassion and affections brings liberty, a man who lacks these will see his wife as his slave and property, he gets to do with her what he seem best and not what is good for her. We really have a long way to go as a Society.

Reading posts like this always gives me joy, so much intelligence and so eloquently written.

Nigerian men make terrible husbands, they have over inflated view of themselves and have no respect for women, I hate them.

I no go even sugar coat am, they irritate me with their extreme misogyny and I hate them. I don't want to hear about how some are good or some are different or any such rubbish, the vast majority of Nigerian men are like that and I will generalize all of them.

If the man is wealthy, just forget it. That one will start to see himself as some sort of demi god. The fact that women have been brainwashed by religions to see marriage as an institution where they have to submit and obey like zombies is not helping matters.

I have a lot of negative things to write about Nigerian marriages, I can even put it all down in this thread this night.