₦airaland Forum

The case is solved. Everyone go home and allow the couple to read and laugh at the comments. This couple lives in Europe- their marriage is a partnership not master/servant. Las, las they will be all right

Marrying any body does not make u not to push further Ur career. Sometin like this I will allow the woman in as much she tell me then we talk about it

nkemjacob2:
Marrying any body does not make u not to push further Ur career. Sometin like this I will allow the woman in as much she tell me then we talk about it

You will allow? Is that a partnership or pretty much the kind of thing her father would have said to her?

baralatie:
The misunderstanding came about when the wife booked a one week teaching training all the way to Netherlands Holland with €800 refund after day 5.
And the husband was not aware until 2 months to the alleged programme.
It is not the programme that is the issue.
It is a whole something else that was thrown into the fray that brought the misuu

Wotoporiously speaking

Understood...but I feel like it's a small issue which can be resolved without tearing the roof off each other...a one on one table talk will be best for business

Shokoloko:
Please rest. My spouse did not know I had applied to go back for a second degree until I showed him my admission letter. Till today i find ceritifcates of courses in his wardrobe that he completes and doesn't remember to share with me. It has not killed the marriage. She gave him 2 months notice for a week long trip. That is fair.
What I don't understand is why the couple is unable to find someone to take care of the kids for one week.
They have enough time

No offense, but you are painting a picture of a sad marriage waiting for implosion.

emmyN:
■No offense, but you are painting a picture of a sad marriage waiting for implosion.

1. Wrong! Outside of the shores of Nigeria, what she described is in fact the typical picture of marriage. It is not a master/slave union as most in Nigeria are used to but a partnership where partners maintain their individuality even in marriage. You can do that permission thing down there in Nigeria where life is slow and predictable and not much attention is paid to the woman and how far she wishes to go as an individual in the world.

But out here, unless the man or woman is trying to dig into the family coffers or is attempting to sell the house, no need. No point! There are babysitting/nanny services for when one spouse needs to travel last minute and you can all have family in a chat group where you can keep up and inform each other where you are headed 24/7.

emmyN:
No offense, but you are painting a picture of a sad marriage waiting for implosion.

What kind of sad marriage? If the marriage did not explode or implode when kids where young will it implode now that children are in college and we are warming up to be grandparents. Lol.

Kobojunkie:
1. Wrong! Outside of the shores of Nigeria, what she described is in fact the typical picture of marriage. It is not a master/slave union as most in Nigeria are used to but a partnership where partners maintain their individuality even in marriage. You can do that permission thing down there in Nigeria where life is slow and predictable and not much attention is paid to the woman and how far she wishes to go as an individual in the world.

But out here, unless the man or woman is trying to dig into the family coffers or is attempting to sell the house, no need. No point! There are babysitting/nanny services for when one spouse needs to travel last minute and you can all have family in a chat group where you can keep up and inform each other where you are headed 24/7.

I don't think marriage in Nigeria has ever been a master/slave union. That is an extreme adjective, and at least the one between my folks and friends isn't, and I don't think yours is either, so where are you getting the idea from? Anyway, the reason I made that comment has nothing to do with the OP's story but the obvious lack of communication the lady I quoted described in her marriage, and that certainly is not the perfect picture of marriages abroad, neither in Nigeria.

Shokoloko:
What kind of sad marriage? If the marriage did not explode or implode when kids where young will it implode now that children are in college and we are warming up to be grandparents. Lol.

Doesn't change anything though. What I'm pointing out is the communication gap between you two. Well, I've seen marriages with two strangers living together for donkey years, so this shouldn't come very surprising. I would love to wave it off that perhaps it's not your style to share important events in your life with your significant other, but the knowledge that intimate communication is the bedrock of successful relationships just won't let me. Anyway, if this arrangement is working for you, then it may not be that bad.

emmyN:
Doesn't change anything though. What I'm pointing out is the communication gap between you two. Well, I've seen marriages with two strangers living together for donkey years, so this shouldn't come very surprising. I would love to wave it off that perhaps it's not your style to share important events in your life with your significant other, but the knowledge that intimate communication is the bedrock of successful relationships just won't let me. Anyway, if this arrangement is working for you, then it may not be that bad.

In North America, no one is expected to live as a stranger with your partner. Here, you stay married because you want to be married to that particular person.
Someday, after you have been married for a looooong time, had kids, and have lived in a developed country, you will understand that intimacy transcends surprising your spouse with an admission letter or writing numerous certifications. Have a good day

emmyN:
■ I don't think marriage in Nigeria has ever been a master/slave union. That is an extreme adjective, and at least the one between my folks and friends isn't, and I don't think yours is either, so where are you getting the idea from?
■ Anyway, the reason I made that comment has nothing to do with the OP's story but the obvious lack of communication the lady I quoted described in her marriage, and that certainly is not the perfect picture of marriages abroad, neither in Nigeria.

1. Are women equal to their men in marriage? If the first answer that pops in your brain is NO, then it is clear you are aware that marriage in Nigeria is a master/slave union. It is obvious since a majority of you on here insist a woman has to obtain permission from her husband to register to take a course to better her life as an individual, so let's not drag this any further than we should.

2. That is not a lack of communication at all but an expression of individuality. We are all born as private individuals from birth. Our minds are carved out separate from that of even our parents for good reason. So when in marriage many of you decide that you must know all that your wives are into while you keep your own private self's going, what you do then is strip the women naked of their individuality in order that they may depend on you for who they can or can not be. That is what a violation of another human being is.

Realize this! A woman is born with the same brain structure as a man — there is no such thing as a male or female brain. It is instead society through gender-related biases that cause the gender inequality that we find in places like Nigeria. There is no natural reason why a man should pretend himself better or smarter or wiser than a woman. Instead, there are societal myths and biases that cause individuals to develop such thinking all a result of ignorance.

Kobojunkie:
1. Are women equal to their men in marriage? If the first answer that pops in your brain is NO, then it is clear you are aware that marriage in Nigeria is a master/slave union. It is obvious since a majority of you on here insist a woman has to obtain permission from her husband to register to take a course to better her life as an individual, so let's not drag this any further than we should.

2. That is not a lack of communication at all but an expression of individuality. We are all born as private individuals from birth. Our minds are carved out separate from that of even our parents for good reason. So when in marriage many of you decide that you must know all that your wives are into while you keep your own private self's going, what you do then is strip the women naked of their individuality in order that they may depend on you for who they can or can not be. That is what a violation of another human being is.

Realize this! A woman is born with the same brain structure as a man — there is no such thing as a male or female brain. It is instead society through gender-related biases that cause the gender inequality that we find in places like Nigeria. There is no natural reason why a man should pretend himself better or smarter or wiser than a woman. Instead, there are societal myths and biases that cause individuals to develop such thinking all a result of ignorance.

I don't know you, but you come across as combative. This is not to spite your person though, just an honest observation. It's apparent you have some underlying issues you want addressed and don't mind lashing out at the next available person, because I'm not sure how any of these things you've typed have anything to do with the simple suggestion I made to that lady.

I'm sorry, but I can't do this with you.