Wifey123:
■ Now that he’s gone and my face is still sore from being slapped, I’m thinking hard about this. I messed up by being disrespectful. However the anger that he showed was next level. I have never been hit before, he never even threatened to hit me before he even threatened to punch me.
■ This man who loved me just this morning. This man who said he wanted to thank my mother for giving him such an amazing wife. Now essentially acted as if he hates me. Violence is usually progressive. A slap, then a punch, then it goes on from there. I don’t know what to do. Should I go home. My family will tell me to leave. I can’t believe that this happened. I lost my marriage within 15 minutes? Should I leave and go to an Airbnb? What if he turns off the cards? How will I even get cash? I don’t know what to do so I’m asking strangers.
Questions that people will likely have: My husband and I have known each other for 7 years, mostly as friends long distance. Married for under 2 years. This is not an age gap relationship or anything. We are the same age. We never filed for him to come to America or anything and that wasn’t in our plans.

DaddyCoool:


Japarious japarian spotted

Cazzim:


bad guy

Wifey123:
I’m a black American, living in Nigeria with my husband, who is Nigerian. Today, we had a misunderstanding. I was trying to explain something that happened with the POS decline when I bought something. I was trying to explain and he was getting angry with me because he felt that I was not explaining well. He kept harping on it even though I repeated the amount at least 3 times. I’d also bought him a meat pie and I was tired of him being mad over me not explaining properly because I couldn’t figure out how I could have been more clear. I said:

“Just shut up and eat the meat pie.”

I immediately regretted that I said something so disrespectful to my husband and I apologized. He threw the meat pie out of the window and started yelling at me while we were in the call. Called me names and who am I, that I would never disrespect him again. That I’m a stupid and useless mother. I apologized again and started to cry. He told me to “Shut the F*** up.” He threatened to punch me and then he slapped me in the face. He said that this is Nigeria, not America and he could “break my head and nothing was going to happen.” He told me “Fu** me a million times. He said that the marriage is over and that I won’t see him again.

We got home he said that this was the third time that I told him to shut up and that this was how it starts. He’s right, I did say it twice before over the past year but in my defense, I said it while he was yelling at me, calling me names and saying that I was useless. I never called him names or raised my voice or had any insults. He admitted that he gets angry and before promised that he will not insult me or tell me “F*** you” again.

He was packing a bag in our room. I apologized profusely and cried and begged him not to leave. I said that I was so sorry and I’d never disrespect him again. He said that I should leave too. He threw two bank cards at me and said that I could use those until I decide to leave our house. I took this as him telling me to go back home to America as I have no where to go here.

I started sobbing then. I followed him to the car and begged him not to leave. That I didn’t want to end our marriage. He told me that he will not tolerate disrespect and that we needed a break. That I talk to him like a child? I don’t know what he’s referring to and he had never said that before. I always do whatever he asks, whenever he asks and I never intended to disrespect him. Then he told me to get out of the car. He drove away.

Now that he’s gone and my face is still sore from being slapped, I’m thinking hard about this. I messed up by being disrespectful. However the anger that he showed was next level. I have never been hit before, he never even threatened to hit me before he even threatened to punch me. This man who loved me just this morning. This man who said he wanted to thank my mother for giving him such an amazing wife. Now essentially acted as if he hates me. Violence is usually progressive. A slap, then a punch, then it goes on from there. I don’t know what to do. Should I go home. My family will tell me to leave. I can’t believe that this happened. I lost my marriage within 15 minutes? Should I leave and go to an Airbnb? What if he turns off the cards? How will I even get cash? I don’t know what to do so I’m asking strangers.

Questions that people will likely have: My husband and I have known each other for 7 years, mostly as friends long distance. Married for under 2 years. This is not an age gap relationship or anything. We are the same age. We never filed for him to come to America or anything and that wasn’t in our plans.

felixzo1:
■ madam, take it easy and allow things to cool down, give him time, when he is less angry you can talk to him again. I will react the same way too if I were him

Wifey123:


Ok, I understand. Thank you.

Kobojunkie:
1. If this had been the man confessing his wife slapped him because of what amounts to a simple POS issue, would you also have given him this same advice here?

Wifey123:
■ Thank you. Our marriage is based on love, shared values and shared goals and vision for our life and our family. To think that if this is the end, none of that will happen is painful. Our marriage is based on anything but convenience. I literally have things up to move here and to be in our dynamic. We live nice but there is no big amounts of money. Our families get along, fine.
■ I will give him space while I’m thinking things over. I’m sure that others are right and this was a boil over. Maybe he just decided that he just doesn’t want to be married to me. Even though he was literally singing my praises just the other day. I honestly don’t know. I was only told what I posted today.

felixzo1:
two wrongs do not make a right, she should be the better person

Kobojunkie:
You didn't answer my question. Again, If this had been the man confessing his wife slapped him because of what amounts to a simple POS issue, would you also have given him this same advice here?

felixzo1:
if a man tells his wife to shut up disrespectfully , as if he was talking to a child, maybe he deserved a slap too

Wifey123:
Ok, I understand. Thank you.

Nice2023:



Me japa to where.

This is my country and I am not living Nigeria to any where.

Nice2023:
If u have no where to go...come let me take care of u

Come and u won't regret it.

Kobonaire4:



Hmmmm

If he is losing his temper over a simple POS declined, I'm not sure he is the right man for you.

Anyway, you should think long and hard about whether you should be in this relationship. If you can't, better walk away.

Metaverse:
It's very concerning just how rapidly the misunderstanding progressed.

It appears that he has a very fragile ego and it would be extremely difficult not to have this ego bruised from time to time. He can't deprive you of the right to get angry, but then, can you guarantee you'll be able to avoid saying hurtful things in the heat of the moment?

It's a slippery slope here, and If you choose to go ahead with the marriage, then you have some serious decisions to make.

I can understand the fear of losing your marriage over what was supposedly a minor misunderstanding, but then, physical violence has been involved here and you need to thoroughly scrutinise your decision. If he couldn't restrain himself on this, then I wonder what else he has in store.

Nonetheless, it's still possible to salvage the situation if you decide to forge ahead, but it's very advisable that you observe first to be sure that he also wants it as much as you do to avoid putting yourself in a slave-master situation. You can remain in the house for a while to give him time for reflection and possibly reach out. And ensure he agrees to a serious and long term counselling.

Nice2023:
If u have no where to go...come let me take care of u until the day u will leave Nigeria.

Come and u won't regret it.

advanceDNA:


Scavenger

Wifey123:


Good point. My husband would never post something like this and would be furious if he saw that I did.

To be fair though, I’m asking what I should do. Not who was right or wrong. On my part, I know I was wrong. I can’t ask my parents.

Nice2023:



Werey dey disguise like APC people.

Metaverse:


Do not massage him first. His behaviour was very appalling. Regardless of the difference in mentality he understands that hitting you is a crime and he went on to put himself in that situation over being told to "shut up". He should be the one pleading, both to avoid jail and to save the union if he's still interested.

I know you still want the marriage for some reasons, but it shouldn't be at the detriment of your self worth. You shouldn't add further to his over bloated ego. Rather, you can help him by making sure he understands the magnitude of what he did, and the importance of keeping his ego in check by himself.

So while you hope for the best, be prepared for the worst, if it comes to that.

LocalStandard1:
■ Sorry for quoting you, but if marriage is how you put it here then nobody should be in it in the first place. And nobody will live in it "till death do them path". But it not like that my person, not even in the West.It is not about who started it and who did it more but who is able, ready and willing to end it.

Kobojunkie:
1. Given the highlighted, would you then be willing to, after receiving a slap from your wife after telling her "Shut up and eat the Pie!", massage her ego and apologize to her in the name of marriage?

LocalStandard1:
I would not even bother replying you in the first place cause your view about life in general and the institution of marriage in particular suggests you Shouldn't even be talking about it.
Left to people who think like you not even family relationships can be sustained, my very very very brutally "woke" Nairalander.

Nice2023:
If u have no where to go...come let me take care of u until the day u will leave Nigeria.

Come and u won't regret it.

Wifey123:


Thank you. Our marriage is based on love, shared values and shared goals and vision for our life and our family. To think that if this is the end, none of that will happen is painful. Our marriage is based on anything but convenience. I literally have things up to move here and to be in our dynamic. We live nice but there is no big amounts of money. Our families get along, fine.

I will give him space while I’m thinking things over. I’m sure that others are right and this was a boil over. Maybe he just decided that he just doesn’t want to be married to me. Even though he was literally singing my praises just the other day. I honestly don’t know. I was only told what I posted today.

LocalStandard1:


Sorry for quoting you, but if marriage is how you put it here then nobody should be in it in the first place. And nobody will live in it "till death do them path".

But it not like that my person, not even in the West.

It is not about who started it and who did it more but who is able, ready and willing to end it. But then with your kind of thinking I suggest not to even go into it in the first place. Cause more than what she said will happen. But you the judge hasn't heard his side yet did you?

LocalStandard1:
■ This is absolutely non of my business. But I think and believe a very good majority of the people on Nairaland won't give you the best answer needed for marriage sustenance. I suggest you quote a good married lady here called Bukatyne, she can do that. But I believe to sustain and have a lasting marriage you have to put yourself in the shoes of virtues biblical Christian woman and operate on that, not a Western and "woke" one. The stats support my assertion.

Wifey123:

Now that he’s gone and my face is still sore from being slapped, I’m thinking hard about this. I messed up by being disrespectful. However the anger that he showed was next level. I have never been hit before, he never even threatened to hit me before he even threatened to punch me. This man who loved me just this morning. This man who said he wanted to thank my mother for giving him such an amazing wife. Now essentially acted as if he hates me. Violence is usually progressive. A slap, then a punch, then it goes on from there. I don’t know what to do. Should I go home. My family will tell me to leave. I can’t believe that this happened. I lost my marriage within 15 minutes? Should I leave and go to an Airbnb? What if he turns off the cards? How will I even get cash? I don’t know what to do so I’m asking strangers.