Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

Pls don't give up on your elder sis.
Don't take your anger to another level. Calm down, call her to discuss with her to know what she's going through or know her ideology to life's issues (family responsibilities inclusive).

Make her understand why you all need her and she needs you all as well.

Please encourage your parents, they should not be heartbroken. May a helper arise for you all

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....
I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.
She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so. Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on. But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.
A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.
My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

This is really sad.
People usually say female child are always the most supportive when it comes to their parent need compare to the male child.

call her one on one and discus with he

What makes you think she's doing well for herself, Because she says so? Or you think so? ...She may just be hyping herself unnecessarily. Abroad is not a land flowing with milk and honey.

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for some people that quot3d me, please stop doing these yeye convertions from CAD to NGN. It doesnt work like that. Bulk of the Money made in Canada is spent in Canada. Though many are still lucky to have savings.

For the sister to even send 100k out of 450k shows to me that she's got savings but not much. If she has more than 450k to dole out, she will, honestly. An unmarried woman with no kids for that matter. In my opinion, things are not that OK with her at the moment.

And she's just been there for only 5years, cut her some slack, brother cosmic. She's not 'there' yet, she will will soon get 'there', inshallah

Thanks for the messages. I am sharing my story here is to air out a piece of my mind and also I believe many people also do have stories of sibling rivalries.
For those who told me to call and discuss issues with, anytime I do that is a reason for a fight. Infact I have been exhaustive on that. She has left the family whatsapp group and claims we all use it to extort her. 2 of us are doing well for ourselves.

xavuv:
What makes you think she's doing well for herself, Because she says so? Or you think so? ...She may just be hyping herself unnecessarily. Abroad is not a land flowing with milk and honey.

Even if I dey wipe nyansh for Canada, e no go reach situation wey I no fit send at least $150 back home to my parents. This girl sends 40k. $55 a month for your parents that trained you. That is unthinkable.

xavuv:
What makes you think she's doing well for herself, Because she says so? Or you think so? ...She may just be hyping herself unnecessarily. Abroad is not a land flowing with milk and honey.

You took the word out of my mouth.... OP will be shocke to discover he is actually doing better here in Nigeria than the so called sister living abroad...

She might be struggling there, you can never know.

Life is expensive over there.

How bad can she be doing to be sending 40k? Unless she has a drug habit or shopping addiction, she can definitely do better...

Well, we move! That's my approach to life. I have zero expectations and that's putting it mildly. Just remove her from your mind and please don't wish her bad. Take care

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....
I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.
She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so. Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on. But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.
A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.
My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

Naso life be..

Many of our parents will suffer.

The world don woke, every body don Sabi him rights.

It's not the right of children to Carter for their parents...

Awon woke generation...

Foodqueen:
She might be struggling there, you can never know.

Life is expensive over there.

Somebody with Masters degree in Canada, can't be struggling..

She is using her money, her way..

Wawelexy:


You took the word out of my mouth.... OP will be shocke to discover he is actually doing better here in Nigeria than the so called sister living abroad...

She was partly sponsored there to do a Masters Programme. Few months later she got a job in a financial company and has been doing that for 5 years. Please tell me how I will be doing better than her.
I am here. I have a barbing saloon with 2 barbers, I have my own car that I use for cab hailing. And every month I bring out at least 70k to support my parents from my earnings because of their condition. I still have a wife at home. And I am not complaining. Please the situation you may considering isn't what it is.

It is well fa....may God help us raise kind children.

Have you guys thought about having a family meeting with her where you all discuss how much to give your parents in this evening of their lives to ease their burden? 40k is less 80CAD fa, money she could spend buying a top. It is well.

Gloriagee:
How bad can she be doing to be sending 40k? Unless she has a drug habit or shopping addiction, she can definitely do better...

Well, we move! That's my approach to life. I have zero expectations and that's putting it mildly. Just remove her from your mind and please don't wish her bad. Take care

Thank you. On the last sentence, I really don't give a hoot about her existence. Only one of the kids is dependent at the moment, and will soon get out of it. My own is let us pity our parents at least.

LikeAking:


Naso life be..

Many of our parents will suffer.

The world don woke, every body don Sabi him rights.

It's not the right of children to Carter for their parents...

Awon woke generation...

Sad. But we move.

I know its hard but just remove your mind and do the best you can for your parents.

CosmicDust:


Thank you. On the last sentence, I really don't give a hoot about her existence. Only one of the kids is dependent at the moment, and will soon get out of it. My own is let us pity our parents at least.

Oga calm down, abroad no be as you see am here. Calculate the 40k for a year. Parents must have something to fall back on after retirement. I be man e no easy. Me too get sister there she lost her job last year.i dey pity. No carry your life put into one person. E go crash. I have kids and am working on my retirement despite giving them the best. God bless you all in your family.

I don't know how training a child has become an investment that u must get a return. A child that will help you at old age will do so even if u no train ham go school. In a family children can never be the same, you will see one that cares alot and u will see one that care less.

Praisepriest:
Oga calm down, abroad no be as you see am here. Calculate the 40k for a year. Parents must have something to fall back on after retirement. I be man e no easy. Me too get sister there she lost her job last year.i dey pity. No carry your life put into one person. E go crash. I have kids and am working on my retirement despite giving them the best. God bless you all in your family.

So if you dey the same situation, you don't see it as your responsibility to care for those WHO CARED FOR YOU?
With this kind of mentality, maybe parents should also have the mentality that after secondary school, every mallam to his own kettle.

Klass99:


Lmao 🤣. I feel you and I agree with this. Parenting can be stressful and thankless.

I prefer to spend time and money on my parents than give birth to children to do so, because with my parents I am aware of the sacrifices they made, how it benefited and still benefits me today, and I am more than happy to reciprocate their care, do good and do right by them.

With a child or children........that's just a gamble with no guarantee of returns on investment and a risk I am not willing to take. Make I spend my money on the good humans who already exist as my family and friends, at least these relationships are mutually beneficial in real time, not heavily one sided and there's no waiting for years to eat the fruit of my labour as it is with children.

You are on point. It is a gamble, a child can turn good or bad.

Op, forget your sister and do the much you can for your parent.
Stop complaining!

Klass99:


Please ehn, when it comes to your parents remove your eyes from the sibling who is not performing or under-performing and do your best for your parents, for as long as they are alive.

I am not impressed by your sister either but I don't want to dwell on her too much, because I don't have the full picture of her life in Canada, she may or may not be struggling financially.....

However, I hate nonsense and stupidity when it comes to aged parents who deserve better but don't get better, from selfish offspring they gave birth to. Children like your sister are some of the reasons I am staying child free for life.

Are you birthing children to take care of you?

Put your trust on God and not human.

Exmilitant:
Op, forget your sister and do the much you can for your parent.

Stop complaining!

I'm just airing out my mind here. No be by force to comment bros.

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....
I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.
She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so. Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on. But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.
A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.
My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

People always have the wrong idea when one goes abroad

Let me ask you the basic

1 does your sister have papers there?

2 When was the last time she was home
visiting?

3 When she finished her master was she offered job and got the right papers

4 sometimes people lie to
people back home, not knowing that the person is illegal there one is limited to type of jobs and progression in lifeb

Until those questions are answered then we might look into your sister's attitude

Klass99:


Lmao 🤣. I feel you and I agree with this. Parenting can be stressful and thankless.

I prefer to spend time and money on my parents than give birth to children to do so, because with my parents I am aware of the sacrifices they made, how it benefited and still benefits me today, and I am more than happy to reciprocate their care, do good and do right by them.

With a child or children........that's just a gamble with no guarantee of returns on investment and a risk I am not willing to take. Make I spend my money on the good humans who already exist as my family and friends, at least these relationships are mutually beneficial in real time, not heavily one sided and there's no waiting for years to reap the benefits as it is with children.

in my work you got a wrong mindset when it comes to raising kids

there is nothing called Sacrifice when it comes to raising your own children, its your duty both by nature and law, you can not sacrifice on something you are meant to be doing aka raising your own kids

the only people who deserve to use that word is those looking after othet people's kids yes they sacrifice there time and money becoz it wasnt there responsiblility

Kids are not investment why becoz they can have their own mind, your money and properties are the right investment they can
never have their own mind hence they will work according to your wish

Saying parents sacrificed is like giving yourself a medal for breathing, if you want to live you must breath so u can not give yoself a medal

Same with kids we bear, its our duty and responsibility no one else so dont congrats your self for something you are meant to be doing

the moment we accept that it is our duty to look after we children the better we dont see them as investments but just raising a human being and hoping that they will be better than you in achievement

We are poor becoz we confuse investment and responsibility of raising children. The two are totally different but most africans make them one thing

what If all your kids die before you? when u viewed them as investment, a property will look after you same with shares etc

Having the mindset of investment is wrong you will end up thinking that you are doing a favour to your children when in reality it is actually your duty and no one else

Though she might be struggling. Or may be she has a skull to settle with your parents. Nobody should mentioned that statement that says 'nobody owes anyone'. If one should follow that statement, it then means if that selfish person is sick, nobody owes him/her nothing too. Life is simple, it's only the wicked ones that finds excuses for their wicked acts.

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....
I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.
She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so. Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on. But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.
A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.
My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

You 2 must have duped her b4

Some people living abroad are oblivious of the current living cost in Nigeria. They assume everything is cheap and don't factor in inflation.

Earlier this year, my mum's friend (Mrs E) living in the UK, complainined to her that her own mom was always requesting for extra money. Mrs E assumed the monthly allowance she gives her aged mom should be more than enough than to meet her needs. She was suspecting foul play from her mom's caregivers and her siblings. My mom had to explain the present situation of things in the country and the inform her of the current price of regular household items. Then, Mrs E could understand the reason why she need to send her mom more money.

My brother, your kind heart towards your parents is commendable. I will suggest you get someone your sister listen to or respects to explain the situation of things to her. Maybe she will see the need to send more money to her parent.

However, if she refuse to change, stop expecting any money from her. Leave her to her conscience. Just assume you and your younger sibling are the only kids your parents have. This is will save you from any unnecessary anger, worries, anxiety or bitterness towards your sister. See any financial support from her as extra money.

Pray that God will bless the work of your hands, so that you can have more than enough to give your parents the best they deserve. The harsh truth is that if you were the only child or any of your siblings dies today, you have will have no choice than to take care of your parent alone. It is better to carry your cross joyfully and leave your siblings to their conscience.

May the good God continue to bless you and increase the work of your hands.

ZIMDRILL:


in my workd you got a wrong mindset when it comes to raising kids

there is nothing called Sacrifice when it comes to raising your own children, its your duty both by nature and law, you can not sacrifice on something you are meant to be doing aka raising your own kids

the only peolle who deserve to use that word is those looking after othet people's kids yes this one sacrifice there time and money becoz it wasnt there responsiblility

Kids are not investment why becoz they can have their own mind, your money and properties are the right investment they can
nevet have their own mind hence they will work according to your wish

Saying parents sacrificed is like giving yoursef a medal for breathing, if you want to live you must breath so u can not give yoself a medal

Same with kids we bear, its our duty and responsibility no else so dont congrats your self for something you are meant to be doing

the moment we accept that it is our duty to look after we children the better we dont see them as investments but just raising a human being and hoping that they will be better than you in achievement

We are poor becoz we confuse investment and responsibility of raising children. The two are totally different but most africans make them one thing

If all your kids die before you? when u viewed them as investment, a property will look after same with shares etc

Having the mindset of investment is wrong you will end up thinking that you are doing a favour to your children when in reality it is actually your duty and no one else

Thanks for the robust response to that post. I share same thought with you but wasn't interested in responding to the post.