₦airaland Forum

CosmicDust:
Did you read about an health issue involved? Please if your loved ones are ill, don't raise a finger. Seems tragic stories gives you orgasms. I was brought up with love and will reciprocate it. I didn't come here to complain to you. Just felt like airing my views. Thank you

Klass99:
Is it by force to have children now? Last time I checked it was still a matter of choice o. Or is there a new bible or national memo mandating every Nigerian citizen to have them?

Napata77:
Maybe she can't even afford the ticket to return, not to mention money to live on when she returns.

It is not for you to tell her to ''come back''.

Do you have job for her in Nigeria?

Or you want her to come back and do ashewo?

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

LikeAking:
Somebody with Masters degree in Canada, can't be struggling..

She is using her money, her way..

Klass99:
My parents had a choice and they made the choice to birth me. There is no law or rule book which says I must follow in their footsteps or make the same choice to have children too.

That's the beauty of the power of choice and freewill Almighty God has given us. I don't run with the herd neither do I do things because others are doing it or it is expected by society.

Cc: Emmaodet, can you see what I was talking about on the other thread?

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

Klass99:
Lmao . I feel you and I agree with this, parenting can be stressful and thankless.

I prefer to spend time and money on my parents than give birth to children to do so, because with my parents I am aware of the sacrifices they made, how it benefited and still benefits me today, and I am more than happy to reciprocate their care, do good and do right by them.

With a child or children........that's just a gamble with no guarantee of returns on investment and a risk I am not willing to take. Make I spend my money on the good humans who already exist as my family and friends, at least these relationships are mutually beneficial in real time, not heavily one sided and there's no waiting for years to reap the benefits as it is with children.

Modified to add: As far as I am concerned marriage and children are life choices, not mandatory goals or achievements, we all have to meet, in order to unlock happiness or the adult phase of our lives. Can folks stop quoting me with points that don't hold water or make any sense? If you must quote then make sense or present a superior argument abeg.

Ferdinandu:
Till Nigerians learns the era of Children been retirement plan is gone. I am saying it for my Generation just coming up, let your retirement plan be as paramount as training your children. Instead of putting them in 200k school, put them in 100k school and push the rest to your retirement plan. If you can find way reduce your current house rent, try nib at some of your current expenses and push the bits to your retirement plan to avoid this kind of story. Most children can hardly yet afford their basic needs before the load of aged parents comes in leading to this kind of scenario. The more self centered of the children will just lock up, the one that have a larger heart will carry all the load which is more likely going to hurt his own plan for his future. CHILDREN ARE NO LONGER RETIREMENT PLAN. Old age without retirement plan is a long odious journey. PLAN NOW

xevove2061:
How much do you give your own parents? Lets start from there.

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

Darammliveth:
I'm also surprised

This is really sad.
People usually say female child are always the most supportive when it comes to their parent need compare to the male child.

ZIMDRILL:
in my work you got a wrong mindset when it comes to raising kids

there is nothing called Sacrifice when it comes to raising your own children, its your duty both by nature and law, you can not sacrifice on something you are meant to be doing aka raising your own kids

the only people who deserve to use that word is those looking after othet people's kids yes they sacrifice there time and money becoz it wasnt there responsiblility

Kids are not investment why becoz they can have their own mind, your money and properties are the right investment they can
never have their own mind hence they will work according to your wish

Saying parents sacrificed is like giving yourself a medal for breathing, if you want to live you must breath so u can not give yoself a medal

Same with kids we bear, its our duty and responsibility no one else so dont congrats your self for something you are meant to be doing

the moment we accept that it is our duty to look after we children the better we dont see them as investments but just raising a human being and hoping that they will be better than you in achievement

We are poor becoz we confuse investment and responsibility of raising children. The two are totally different but most africans make them one thing

what If all your kids die before you? when u viewed them as investment, a property will look after you same with shares etc

Having the mindset of investment is wrong you will end up thinking that you are doing a favour to your children when in reality it is actually your duty and no one else

CosmicDust:
Y'all sounding like Nigeria is a balanced country where you can plan well. Here companies sack anyhow, companies owe you, businesses fail, people get defrauded, people have health issues that take their finances. That is why people are willing to do anything to get a government job that will give them security. How many government jobs are available?
See don't blame people. You never know what shoes they are in. And if you were, you may not be able to do better. If you can help, help. If you can't help yourself alone. But don't go to church claiming to be a christian when you believe giving charity is promoting entitlement mentality.

CosmicDust:
Are you a dumbass. Didn't you read my contribution. This is about helping the parents. May your children never help you as you support such ill.

CosmicDust:
Here is my story....

I have a 3 siblings and I am at odds with my eldest who is a lady. The way it is, I may never have a conversation with her again.

She was the first person to be invested in by my parents after which I came. Luckily enough, she was able to strike gold in her career and do well for herself. She went abroad for her masters with my parents supporting with half-payment. Unfortunately, whenever it came to family demands and helping the other younger siblings, she has either been negligent or grudgingly does so.

Few years after going abroad, she decided to lockup and sends only 40k home which is supposed to cater for food for a month.
Now parents are retired, the whole family weight falls on my following sibling and I. The youngest one education is on me. Happy she will finish soon. Parents need to be supported in challenging times, one is coping with diabetes and the other is with some challenging issues I can't say here. Their savings are being sapped by their needs to keep living on.

But my so-called elder sister based in Canada despite knowing their condition is silent. She still sends her peanuts, while I and my younger brother who is an upcoming fashion designer do 2X what she does. This aches our parents and sometimes makes our mother cry and our father rant with regret.

A time now came, our mum got admitted in the hospital. Condition was so salient that she had to be hospitalized for weeks. Hospital bill was 450k. The Canada-based first born doing a good job, who was always talking to her, praying with her on phone, etc only sent 100k. We the others did the rest. Glad mum is back at home but her heart is broken and has refused to talk with her. She's been in Canada for 5 years and has refused to even support any of her siblings to come abroad too.

My other siblings say because we all refuse to be dictated to by her is the reason for her behaviour. I don't care. Mine is that if you know that you are going to be useless to a family, let your parents know before hand so the money used in training/feeding you can be used for farming business which will despite bad weather bring returns than on a child who feels is not obligated to support the parents who supported you all through.

Trojan8:
Of course, never expected anything better from you.

I am supposed to be bothered about curses from a non-entity

CosmicDust:
That means if your parents need money for health issues and you are the only child to help, na die they don die. Tufiakwa for useless pikin like you.

CosmicDust:
Neither am i to be bothered about this maggots that spill from an immorally demented mouth.

deewhydoski:
I don't know how training a child has become an investment that u must get a return. A child that will help you at old age will do so even if u no train ham go school. In a family children can never be the same, you will see one that cares alot and u will see one that care less.

akube34:
make una stop ds talk. No be d same Canada we Dey? If u plan your sec well, u will handle ur bills accordingly. You shouldn’t take more dan u can handle. I av a friend here dat barely gives his pple anything. The day I tell am say I wan go send my mama Bleep amount, him surprised. This is a guy dat works two jobs and has much savings. He is even stingy to himself to feed well.

Trojan8:
This is the kind of attitude that your elder sister had to put up with, no wonder she decided to distance herself from you.


You are a sad human.

Darammliveth:
This is really sad.
People usually say female child are always the most supportive when it comes to their parent need compare to the male child.

CosmicDust:
Thanks for the messages. I am sharing my story here is to air out a piece of my mind and also I believe many people also do have stories of sibling rivalries.
For those who told me to call and discuss issues with, anytime I do that is a reason for a fight. Infact I have been exhaustive on that. She has left the family whatsapp group and claims we all use it to extort her. 2 of us are doing well for ourselves.



Even if I dey wipe nyansh for Canada, e no go reach situation wey I no fit send at least $150 back home to my parents. This girl sends 40k. $55 a month for your parents that trained you. That is unthinkable.

CosmicDust:
She was partly sponsored there to do a Masters Programme. Few months later she got a job in a financial company and has been doing that for 5 years. Please tell me how I will be doing better than her.
I am here. I have a barbing saloon with 2 barbers, I have my own car that I use for cab hailing. And every month I bring out at least 70k to support my parents from my earnings because of their condition. I still have a wife at home. And I am not complaining. Please the situation you may considering isn't what it is.

CosmicDust:
Y'all sounding like Nigeria is a balanced country where you can plan well. Here companies sack anyhow, companies owe you, businesses fail, people get defrauded, people have health issues that take their finances. That is why people are willing to do anything to get a government job that will give them security. How many government jobs are available?
See don't blame people. You never know what shoes they are in. And if you were, you may not be able to do better. If you can help, help. If you can't help yourself alone. But don't go to church claiming to be a christian when you believe giving charity is promoting entitlement mentality.

Mumusaphire:
hmm mm. U are right, but many people are just heartless. They won't change no matter what. I also have a brother here in Nigeria, abuja, our first born. Doing well, real big man, working in federal ministry of justice, abuja, na real Senior staff ooooo, that before u get to his office, u must pass many securities. To cut a story short, he can't help financially, he can't help getting we his siblings a job, or connect us. Even his wife also work in federal interner revenue in abuja, high rank also. Last too weeks, I was so down, even till now, but am just managing myself. I summoned my courage to call him because have knew that he won't help. I sent him message on WhatsApp with prove of my health. It was on sat that day, election day. He replied that haha, that i should pls give her till Monday, that he will run around to help me. I thought in my mind that my brother want run around on top how much. Even have spend more than 50k before I decided to msg him. At last, it was on Thursday my brother sent me money. I was surprised to see just 5k. So u can see many of them can't change, but just heartless. But they can donates for church to show off.