₦airaland Forum

booksbo0k:
Sorry for the long write up my people, I need advice.

My first son has been behaving somehow in our family, as if he's not part of this family...
You and this boy can be in the same house but you might not set your eyes on him once for a whole day. He will be inside his room through out...

He has been telling me that he is currently working on going to rent his own place and live on his own and that if God helps him and he is able to achieve that, He will not have anything to do with our family again and that we will never set eyes on him ever again :[ ...

I would have not been bothered by such statement if it were coming from someone else, I would take it as a bluff. But this my son is someone that normally doesn't call people to check on them, not even us his parents..

When he was in his previous University before he dropped out, this boy can go for months, that is a whole semester stretch without calling anybody to know how you're doing, except you call him or maybe he wants to ask for money for something or school stuff....

We have five children and he is the first, the second and third children are away in University, he and the two last siblings are the only one's with us.. My husband refused him from going to University in a far place instead he gives him transport money to be going to his own University from home everyday...... He and his father don't even talk again except good morning greetings. He is only 21 ohh..

Let me give you guys small back story so that you can understand how all these things started.

My son graduated from secondary school (a boarding school) in 2017 at 16 years old... Initially, he said he wanted to study computer science as he said that was the course he loved and wanted to study. But my husband refused and persuaded him to study pharmacy because he worked at NAFDAC and he saw the way pharmacy graduates were living at his work place and the salary they were recieving. He and one of his chemist friend sweet talked him into going to study the course and I guess it was because he was young then and could not challenge his dad then that was why he gave in....

He wrote JAMB but he did not meet the cut of mark for pharmacy (but I later realised his score was good for computer science then)... No public University was willing to admit him for pharmacy then because his score was not good for the course but due to my husband love for the course and not wanting my son to lose admission that year , he decided to go the way of private University not minding their school fees...Long story cut short, my son got admitted into Madonna University where we were paying 1M naira every year.....After 3 years in the school and in 300L @18 years old, he began saying he was not interested in the school any longer, that he was tired of the course, that he's body is no longer in the school and blablabla that he wants to go and play football in Europe...

He came back for holiday during the beginning of covid and refused to go back to the school when they resumed, saying that he was only wasting our money by being in that school and he did not want to continue.....This got my husband really sad and angry....My son stayed home for almost two years doing nothing because my husband was adamant that if he would not go back to school, nothing for him, that all the money he has spent for school fees in that school can not be for waste that he can become a footballer after he graduates, saying no one can become a successful footballer without being a graduate, that it would later affect them in life...

But my son refused. I must confess, my son is extremely good at playing football. That was the talent i can confidently say that God personally gave to him from birth. Infact when he was graduating from secondary school, they gave him the award for the best graduating footballer and he was always the centre of attention anytime he plays at our church events. He friends used to call him "nima" then, I think...

I and my husband got tired of him staying at home for long so I went to meet with one pastor in our street who was based in the UK with his family but comes home sometimes for church related matters. I explained my son's situation to him and he offered to help my son travel out to chase his football career provided we have the funds for it. The man was secondary school class mates with "victor ikpe ekong" who was a former super eagles player but currently a pastor in Sweden. To my greatest surprise he called him on a WhatsApp video call in my presence and i was really surprised...He gave me the man's phone number to keep in contact and also scheduled a day to meet with my husband and have a discussion.. I told my son and he was very happy..I also told my husband and he was eager to meet with him at least, anything to solve my sons idleness at the time..

The pastor came to my our house on several occasions and discussed with my husband. My husband kept telling the pastor, saying he would like my son to be going to school while chasing his football career at the same time, a feat which pastor let us know would be difficult as one has to be dropped for the other. Unfortunately, my husband changed he's mind and said he was no longer interested in the whole footballer thing. He said he knew that my son wanted to become a footballer only because of girls. That he, my son knew that if he becomes a footballer, all the girls would like him, that that was the only reason he wanted to become a footballer, and that if football was his true destiny, he doesn't need to travel out for it to manifest, that he can be in Nigeria and make it from here.....That was how that chapter close like that. Pastor left for England few months after.....

After years of my son staying at home, my husband got tired. One night, he hired some Street thugs to come take my son away and beat him up...my son stayed with them for 2 weeks. When he returned, he said he was ready to go back to school. But my husband told him he won't be going back to any private University again. My son wrote jamb again to study computer science and was admitted into COOU. but my said he would not allow him go to any University that is not in the same state we are residing. Now the problem here was that all the public schools in the state we are staying will not accept you to study computer science unless you did chemistry in jamb. And my son did not do chemistry in jamb because he is not good in chemistry. If he was to study in the same state we were staying, he had to settle for another course, which he did...Now another problem arose. My husband refused to rent an apartment for my son around the school because the school is considerably far from our house, instead he decided to be giving him money (2000) everyday as transport fare to be going from home. This did not sit down well with my the boy and he again, said he was no longer interested in schooling again sef that he can't be going such far distance from home to the school everyday to study a Course he does not even like siting that it would be stressful and affect his academics and that it was unwise to be paying 60k a year as school fees while you spend 2k everyday as transport..My husband got angry and called on our estate CSO to come pick him up. They beat him so badly in public that when he got back home later in the evening, I went to check him in his room, his buttocks and back where scarred and red with huge marks...

Ever since, he has been going to the school from home and he has become very distant from us especially his dad. They don't talk again in the same house except "good morning sir"...

My son has turned into something else. He can stay indoors from morning till night. I would have said he has started keeping bad company but he does not even have a single friend, not one..Nobody calls him, and he doesn't call anybody...I have five children and he is the first. The second and third already gained admission this year in a private University and are in school currently, so he and he's last two siblings are the only one's with us now..

Why I'm writing this is because I'm scared..I'm beginning to fear that my son might commit suicide, he's beginning to show that kind of attitude.. And the plans he have to leave us forever to go and stay alone, I don't like it ohhhh...

Nairalanders please I need your advice.

Your son needs a therapist he can talk to.

Na wa o.....I cant believe parents still do what you and your husband did to him about his choice of course and career. The boy will probably never forgive you guys. You even also abused him physically and mentally....chai,na to really leave and never speak to you as soon as he can o. Yet, you kept writing "my son" like you care. Whew!

If you want to steer a child towards a particular course, you dont start after they have shown passion for another, you start when they are dispassionate about every thing and need guidance to choose. IT peeps make a lot more money than pharmacist now. Poor boy would have graduated by now and thriving in his passion. It is well fa.

Your husband is terrible and you continue to blame the poor young man for your poor parenting

Did you by any chance hear of the news about a boy who shot his father and also shot himself in Benin city in the early 2004? They were our next flat neighbour.

His name is Junior. His father was a police superintendent then with a driver ,two house maids ,and a male chef.

The only problem was that the parents were the typical helicopter parents. My child must be dis, my child must be dat. They always want their kids to live the life they fantasize about, just like south Korean parents. Not minding the intellectual capacity of that child. His father was a tyrant. What ever he said was final. He wanted things to be done his own way. All through Juniors life he never did anything he wanted. His father always puts his own self first and when ever his mom tries to intervene he will lock her up in the store house and beat d hell out of her. This is real life not dem say dem say. He was a student of Ebenezer private. He shot himself with his dad's gun.


Sometimes listen to your kids. Try to understand dem.

What stops your husband from sending ur son to school in d UK to study what he has passion for?
Your husband shld be arrested for calling thugs to beat up that boy. Now you have a child whose self esteem has been destroyed.

You and your husband are at fault, you’re putting all the blame on your husband but shame on you for not standing up to your son. @booksbo0k

booksbo0k:
Sorry for the long write up my people, I need advice.

My first son has been behaving somehow in our family, as if he's not part of this family...
You and this boy can be in the same house but you might not set your eyes on him once for a whole day. He will be inside his room through out...

He has been telling me that he is currently working on going to rent his own place and live on his own and that if God helps him and he is able to achieve that, He will not have anything to do with our family again and that we will never set eyes on him ever again :[ ...

I would have not been bothered by such statement if it were coming from someone else, I would take it as a bluff. But this my son is someone that normally doesn't call people to check on them, not even us his parents..

When he was in his previous University before he dropped out, this boy can go for months, that is a whole semester stretch without calling anybody to know how you're doing, except you call him or maybe he wants to ask for money for something or school stuff....

We have five children and he is the first, the second and third children are away in University, he and the two last siblings are the only one's with us.. My husband refused him from going to University in a far place instead he gives him transport money to be going to his own University from home everyday...... He and his father don't even talk again except good morning greetings. He is only 21 ohh..

Let me give you guys small back story so that you can understand how all these things started.

My son graduated from secondary school (a boarding school) in 2017 at 16 years old... Initially, he said he wanted to study computer science as he said that was the course he loved and wanted to study. But my husband refused and persuaded him to study pharmacy because he worked at NAFDAC and he saw the way pharmacy graduates were living at his work place and the salary they were recieving. He and one of his chemist friend sweet talked him into going to study the course and I guess it was because he was young then and could not challenge his dad then that was why he gave in....

He wrote JAMB but he did not meet the cut of mark for pharmacy (but I later realised his score was good for computer science then)... No public University was willing to admit him for pharmacy then because his score was not good for the course but due to my husband love for the course and not wanting my son to lose admission that year , he decided to go the way of private University not minding their school fees...Long story cut short, my son got admitted into Madonna University where we were paying 1M naira every year.....After 3 years in the school and in 300L @18 years old, he began saying he was not interested in the school any longer, that he was tired of the course, that he's body is no longer in the school and blablabla that he wants to go and play football in Europe...

He came back for holiday during the beginning of covid and refused to go back to the school when they resumed, saying that he was only wasting our money by being in that school and he did not want to continue.....This got my husband really sad and angry....My son stayed home for almost two years doing nothing because my husband was adamant that if he would not go back to school, nothing for him, that all the money he has spent for school fees in that school can not be for waste that he can become a footballer after he graduates, saying no one can become a successful footballer without being a graduate, that it would later affect them in life...

But my son refused. I must confess, my son is extremely good at playing football. That was the talent i can confidently say that God personally gave to him from birth. Infact when he was graduating from secondary school, they gave him the award for the best graduating footballer and he was always the centre of attention anytime he plays at our church events. He friends used to call him "nima" then, I think...

I and my husband got tired of him staying at home for long so I went to meet with one pastor in our street who was based in the UK with his family but comes home sometimes for church related matters. I explained my son's situation to him and he offered to help my son travel out to chase his football career provided we have the funds for it. The man was secondary school class mates with "victor ikpe ekong" who was a former super eagles player but currently a pastor in Sweden. To my greatest surprise he called him on a WhatsApp video call in my presence and i was really surprised...He gave me the man's phone number to keep in contact and also scheduled a day to meet with my husband and have a discussion.. I told my son and he was very happy..I also told my husband and he was eager to meet with him at least, anything to solve my sons idleness at the time..

The pastor came to my our house on several occasions and discussed with my husband. My husband kept telling the pastor, saying he would like my son to be going to school while chasing his football career at the same time, a feat which pastor let us know would be difficult as one has to be dropped for the other. Unfortunately, my husband changed he's mind and said he was no longer interested in the whole footballer thing. He said he knew that my son wanted to become a footballer only because of girls. That he, my son knew that if he becomes a footballer, all the girls would like him, that that was the only reason he wanted to become a footballer, and that if football was his true destiny, he doesn't need to travel out for it to manifest, that he can be in Nigeria and make it from here.....That was how that chapter close like that. Pastor left for England few months after.....

After years of my son staying at home, my husband got tired. One night, he hired some Street thugs to come take my son away and beat him up...my son stayed with them for 2 weeks. When he returned, he said he was ready to go back to school. But my husband told him he won't be going back to any private University again. My son wrote jamb again to study computer science and was admitted into COOU. but my said he would not allow him go to any University that is not in the same state we are residing. Now the problem here was that all the public schools in the state we are staying will not accept you to study computer science unless you did chemistry in jamb. And my son did not do chemistry in jamb because he is not good in chemistry. If he was to study in the same state we were staying, he had to settle for another course, which he did...Now another problem arose. My husband refused to rent an apartment for my son around the school because the school is considerably far from our house, instead he decided to be giving him money (2000) everyday as transport fare to be going from home. This did not sit down well with my the boy and he again, said he was no longer interested in schooling again sef that he can't be going such far distance from home to the school everyday to study a Course he does not even like siting that it would be stressful and affect his academics and that it was unwise to be paying 60k a year as school fees while you spend 2k everyday as transport..My husband got angry and called on our estate CSO to come pick him up. They beat him so badly in public that when he got back home later in the evening, I went to check him in his room, his buttocks and back where scarred and red with huge marks...

Ever since, he has been going to the school from home and he has become very distant from us especially his dad. They don't talk again in the same house except "good morning sir"...

My son has turned into something else. He can stay indoors from morning till night. I would have said he has started keeping bad company but he does not even have a single friend, not one..Nobody calls him, and he doesn't call anybody...I have five children and he is the first. The second and third already gained admission this year in a private University and are in school currently, so he and he's last two siblings are the only one's with us now..

Why I'm writing this is because I'm scared..I'm beginning to fear that my son might commit suicide, he's beginning to show that kind of attitude.. And the plans he have to leave us forever to go and stay alone, I don't like it ohhhh...

Nairalanders please I need your advice.

Madam, I am sorry to say this but your husband is the most selfish, egotistic and narcissistic man I have ever heard of. In short, he ruined your son single handedly while you remained docile and silent. Your son is destroyed. No wonder he hates all of you. You should have allowed him to study his computer science. I am sure he would have done that and then maybe pursue his other dreams. He was destined to be great but your selfish husband destroyed him for his long throat. In this 21st century you are still forcing children to read your own preferred course? I rest here.

You and your husband are poor parents. You and your husband deserve the beating and not the boy.

Let him go just keep a tab on him let him repair himself you can’t do anything just keep advising him and praying for him maybe someday he will be okay

Jungpablo:
You and your husband are at fault, you’re putting all the blame on your husband but shame on you for not standing up to your son. @booksbo0k

She actually stood up to him, albeit passively. But she should have stood up FOR him. Ok?

booksbo0k:
Sorry for the long write up my people, I need advice.

My first son has been behaving somehow in our family, as if he's not part of this family...
You and this boy can be in the same house but you might not set your eyes on him once for a whole day. He will be inside his room through out...

He has been telling me that he is currently working on going to rent his own place and live on his own and that if God helps him and he is able to achieve that, He will not have anything to do with our family again and that we will never set eyes on him ever again :[ ...

I would have not been bothered by such statement if it were coming from someone else, I would take it as a bluff. But this my son is someone that normally doesn't call people to check on them, not even us his parents..

When he was in his previous University before he dropped out, this boy can go for months, that is a whole semester stretch without calling anybody to know how you're doing, except you call him or maybe he wants to ask for money for something or school stuff....

We have five children and he is the first, the second and third children are away in University, he and the two last siblings are the only one's with us.. My husband refused him from going to University in a far place instead he gives him transport money to be going to his own University from home everyday...... He and his father don't even talk again except good morning greetings. He is only 21 ohh..

Let me give you guys small back story so that you can understand how all these things started.

My son graduated from secondary school (a boarding school) in 2017 at 16 years old... Initially, he said he wanted to study computer science as he said that was the course he loved and wanted to study. But my husband refused and persuaded him to study pharmacy because he worked at NAFDAC and he saw the way pharmacy graduates were living at his work place and the salary they were recieving. He and one of his chemist friend sweet talked him into going to study the course and I guess it was because he was young then and could not challenge his dad then that was why he gave in....

He wrote JAMB but he did not meet the cut of mark for pharmacy (but I later realised his score was good for computer science then)... No public University was willing to admit him for pharmacy then because his score was not good for the course but due to my husband love for the course and not wanting my son to lose admission that year , he decided to go the way of private University not minding their school fees...Long story cut short, my son got admitted into Madonna University where we were paying 1M naira every year.....After 3 years in the school and in 300L @18 years old, he began saying he was not interested in the school any longer, that he was tired of the course, that he's body is no longer in the school and blablabla that he wants to go and play football in Europe...

He came back for holiday during the beginning of covid and refused to go back to the school when they resumed, saying that he was only wasting our money by being in that school and he did not want to continue.....This got my husband really sad and angry....My son stayed home for almost two years doing nothing because my husband was adamant that if he would not go back to school, nothing for him, that all the money he has spent for school fees in that school can not be for waste that he can become a footballer after he graduates, saying no one can become a successful footballer without being a graduate, that it would later affect them in life...

But my son refused. I must confess, my son is extremely good at playing football. That was the talent i can confidently say that God personally gave to him from birth. Infact when he was graduating from secondary school, they gave him the award for the best graduating footballer and he was always the centre of attention anytime he plays at our church events. He friends used to call him "nima" then, I think...

I and my husband got tired of him staying at home for long so I went to meet with one pastor in our street who was based in the UK with his family but comes home sometimes for church related matters. I explained my son's situation to him and he offered to help my son travel out to chase his football career provided we have the funds for it. The man was secondary school class mates with "victor ikpe ekong" who was a former super eagles player but currently a pastor in Sweden. To my greatest surprise he called him on a WhatsApp video call in my presence and i was really surprised...He gave me the man's phone number to keep in contact and also scheduled a day to meet with my husband and have a discussion.. I told my son and he was very happy..I also told my husband and he was eager to meet with him at least, anything to solve my sons idleness at the time..

The pastor came to my our house on several occasions and discussed with my husband. My husband kept telling the pastor, saying he would like my son to be going to school while chasing his football career at the same time, a feat which pastor let us know would be difficult as one has to be dropped for the other. Unfortunately, my husband changed he's mind and said he was no longer interested in the whole footballer thing. He said he knew that my son wanted to become a footballer only because of girls. That he, my son knew that if he becomes a footballer, all the girls would like him, that that was the only reason he wanted to become a footballer, and that if football was his true destiny, he doesn't need to travel out for it to manifest, that he can be in Nigeria and make it from here.....That was how that chapter close like that. Pastor left for England few months after.....

After years of my son staying at home, my husband got tired. One night, he hired some Street thugs to come take my son away and beat him up...my son stayed with them for 2 weeks. When he returned, he said he was ready to go back to school. But my husband told him he won't be going back to any private University again. My son wrote jamb again to study computer science and was admitted into COOU. but my said he would not allow him go to any University that is not in the same state we are residing. Now the problem here was that all the public schools in the state we are staying will not accept you to study computer science unless you did chemistry in jamb. And my son did not do chemistry in jamb because he is not good in chemistry. If he was to study in the same state we were staying, he had to settle for another course, which he did...Now another problem arose. My husband refused to rent an apartment for my son around the school because the school is considerably far from our house, instead he decided to be giving him money (2000) everyday as transport fare to be going from home. This did not sit down well with my the boy and he again, said he was no longer interested in schooling again sef that he can't be going such far distance from home to the school everyday to study a Course he does not even like siting that it would be stressful and affect his academics and that it was unwise to be paying 60k a year as school fees while you spend 2k everyday as transport..My husband got angry and called on our estate CSO to come pick him up. They beat him so badly in public that when he got back home later in the evening, I went to check him in his room, his buttocks and back where scarred and red with huge marks...

Ever since, he has been going to the school from home and he has become very distant from us especially his dad. They don't talk again in the same house except "good morning sir"...

My son has turned into something else. He can stay indoors from morning till night. I would have said he has started keeping bad company but he does not even have a single friend, not one..Nobody calls him, and he doesn't call anybody...I have five children and he is the first. The second and third already gained admission this year in a private University and are in school currently, so he and he's last two siblings are the only one's with us now..

Why I'm writing this is because I'm scared..I'm beginning to fear that my son might commit suicide, he's beginning to show that kind of attitude.. And the plans he have to leave us forever to go and stay alone, I don't like it ohhhh...

Nairalanders please I need your advice.

Can I speak with the boy??

Fathers need to stop acting like idi amin

There's a point where all you need to do is support your child's choice even if you as a parent don't understand the reasons.
This same attitude has further severed my relationship with my dad. He wanted me to go for nysc as soon as I graduated, but I felt I needed time to figure out where my life is heading before I go for the nysc (I studied engineering but wanted to go into tech)

I had to take my stand and I finally went 5 years after I graduated. I am grateful today that I did what I felt was best for me because God has really blessed me.

I used my experience to mentor my immediate younger sis, and she keeps mentioning at every chance how my advice helped her in making the right choice.

Parents need to understand that you can only advice and guide their children. They arent animals that you force to do your bidding.

Ego wont still allow your husband to admit he was wrong, but thats exactly what he needs to do now. To admit that he was wrong and apologise to the kid. Thats only how your son can be healed.

booksbo0k

VTJN:
The man isn't against his football dream entirely. He only want him to get a decent education before considering his football dream which isn't bad. Are you justifying the boy dropping out of school after spending millions of naira in year 3?


Btw, hear from the father first before crucifying him

you’re just spewing thrash, you don’t force a child to study a course he does not love, I told my dad I wanted to go to NDA and become a soldier, he sat me down and made me saw reasons why the Nigerian army is not worth it.

That boy may end up killing his dad and the mother is too weak not have any interference in her sons life.

Streetmovement:
Wotoporiously speaking

This is a very simple case and it's very relatable to mine's, I wanted studying the same computer science your child hoped for and my dad opted for mechanical engineering and that cost a lot of issues between me and my dad in the past, which escalated to me leaving the house and never wanting to return again but my mom stepped in and payed for me to go study the course of my choosen in another school, far away from my town and I graduated with flying colors.....na your husband Bleep up madam, he should have let the boy study what he's got passion for from the get go....them no dey force person to study course wey he or she no go dey good at.

It's very wrong from parents especially African parents, the lack knowledge in that department very well.


Una even get pikin wey get football talent and let me guess the papa go fit afford am but he choosed not to, he dey like say your husband no Sabi how much footballer's dey earn...abi him no dey watch ball? And he even gather men make them mend the boy, chai

Madam, your husband dey dull

and the pikin no even good for chemistry, pikin nor know chemistry you want make e study pharmacy.

tommy589:
Your boy is not even adventurous. At 21,he is still afraid of missing the free food and shelter you provide

I wish a lot of you can jus die while typing rubbish.

VTJN:
why dropping out of school in year 3 after spending millions? That boy no serious

Even the father told him to get educated before considering his football dream

I wouldn't blame the father for accusing him that he wanted to become a footballer because of girls

I believe we don't know him more than his father

Even if he wanted to do it because of girls atleast there was something he was good at which is playing football which people even testified to. So no one can call him a failure just that the father is misguided by trying to live his fantasy through his son.

Money is not everything. What matters is happiness doing what someone enjoys doing. There's no level nor height one can't reach.

Now they have denied us of another great Nigerian player.

This sounds absolutely familiar.

I am however lost on your stance in these events. Or don't you have a say that gets aligned with?

Do you have a close rapport with this young man? Nobody prepares for the changes from teenagers cos they don't always anticipate it. That aside.


Your husband trying to be a dictator than a man your son should look up to is a big problem. The young man already lacked interest whatsoever in pharm. Your husband now wants to play ostrich cos the fees were much? Wow.


I won't be surprised he has an idea about who arranged those thugs to beat him up. If he does, then he may be laying low lf not simply playing along. Any father that does that to his son has lost him totally, unless God intervenes.

I'm glad you acknowledge his football talent well. The fact that parents pray prayers on naming ceremony days and when such prayers are manifesting in blessings and talent, they start to fight it. How Angel Gabriel go kon feel like now?

There were many ways to kill the two birds with a stone, yet your husband has made Peter and Paul to fly away for nothing.


He is definitely waiting for independence. Sadly, the grip is lose. As his mum, he needs to get reassurance this crucial moment. Else,


God forbid.

Such a touching story,
the mistake has been made already. As a father of boys of similar age, dialogue and guiding them on what they want to do is the best way to handle them and not imposing or forcing them to do what you want them to do. The young boy is going through pains and has lost his self esteem. Getting people to beat your first son at that age as a correcting measure is one of the worst way to bring up a child. The damage has been done but can still be repair if your husband will do the needful by allowing the boy to be what he want to be.

Suggestion solutions

1. The father should met him and apologize for his mistake of trying to control his life instead of guiding him and also apologize for getting people to beat him
2. As a mother you know your son better, do everything you know he like to bring him closer to your self and then to the father, he is not happy with the father but may still have some soft area with you.
3. Get him to talk and be ready to guild him, As a trained counselor I handled a case of a boy who study what his parent want and later go bad to study what he wanted and refused to forgive his parent for wasting his precious time.
4. A regular checking on him and helping him to get his self esteem is required.
5. Changing of environment is a MUST because he will always fill unhappy seeing those boys that flogged him
6. Your husband must as a matter of priority stop controlling the boy, once a child become a teenager, it is dialogue, constant meeting with him on what he want or need to become what he want to be should be part of the healing process.
7. He might also need to see a counselor and the father also need to see a counselor on how to bring up children.
8. My dear mother you also failed in not talking to your husband. You know you can force a horse to the river but you can never force the house to drink.
9. We need wisdom to handle children of nowadays they are quite different from our generation
10. Above all prayers and nothing you be forced on him now.

VTJN:
why dropping out of school in year 3 after spending millions? That boy no serious

Even the father told him to get educated before considering his football dream

I wouldn't blame the father for accusing him that he wanted to become a footballer because of girls

I believe we don't know him more than his father

After forcing him to study a course he’s not interested in…… I pity for your child

Jungpablo:
you’re just spewing thrash, you don’t force a child to study a course he does not love, I told my dad I wanted to go to NDA and become a soldier, he sat me down and made me saw reasons why the Nigerian army is not worth it.

the boy is a spoilt brat. He dropped out of school in year 3 after spending millions of naira. Who does that?

What stopped him from completing the remaining 2 years and pursue his football dream or start his computer science course?

He knows he has a rich father, reason why he has that guts to drop out of school easily without thinking twice

What a dysfunctional family.

You and your husband are destiny wreckers and it's just unfortunate that such a bright and talented young man came to your family, what did I even just read sef. I AM FVCKING PISSED, I really think some Nigerians are just plain retarded and dumb. You and your husband ought to be jailed for trauma on a young boy. As if it's not hard enough being a first child/son.

cassyrooy:
You see the Father, I believe has armtwisted the boy too much, which will make him harbour resentful thoughts towards everyone.

At 17/18/19, I was equally angry with many things and almost left Abuja and resettle in Akwa Ibom due to suppression similar to what your son is passing through.

But on another note, your son lacked diplomacy to get his father off his way by comprising a little before running off on his own.

If he had pledged to be going to school and pursuing his footballing career, it would have given him leeway to enter the UK and pursue his dreams.

In life, freedom is not given, it's taken by negotiations, not outright wars because even if he wins the war with his father, can he sustain himself?

The father is looking out for him, but his ego is also working against him.

My advice, your son must stop expecting to be given everything, else, he loses it all and himself, rather, he should work smartly and diplomatically to get his ways and sustain himself.

Let him kill that thought of running off, it's terrible outside these days, so burning the bridge between his father and himself will make him a prodigal son.

Also, your husband should have stopped using brutish character against his fellow man from the age of 15 and employ diplomacy as a way to reach him, else, like Jaja in Purple Hibiscus, he too will be at the mercy of that boy someday and he'll not hesitate to strike him fatally.

the problem started from after secondary school by forcing the poor boy to study pharmacy, the football situation is even after he dropped out from school, you guys don’t read to understand you just read to respond.

I wished I had a son that is good in football. I will get him enrolled in an academy and give him all the support.

My wife is busy shouting at my daughter, who is always coming top in fine and applied arts in her class instead of sciences and mathematics.

I kukuma warned her to stop. I went ahead to get my daughter a drawing canvas and some drawing tools during her birthday. I could see her excitement and happiness much to my wife's dismay. Her art works are amazing.

We should support our children in their respective aptitudes. Don't force any profession or career on your child. You are there to guide him or her.

GeneralShepherd:
Like allowing the boy to study computer science? Why did he force him to study pharmacy? Pharmacist do not earn more than computer scientists. Wasted years of the boys life trying to force him to live his dream, with a father like him who needs enemies.

Imagine a father sending street thugs to kidnap his son for 2 weeks. The man is a monster, I won't be surprised if he abuses the OP as well

You don't live with them. You don't know the full story

African parants with their primitive mentality. Oyinbo wey dey drop out of school to chase career.. Dem Mark Zuckerberg sef dropped out of school to Chase their dreams but one local African man go Just dey okay with their average life and still want their kids to follow same path.
See talent just dey waste cos Dad is as shallow asf

Jungpablo:
After forcing him to study a course he’s not interested in…… I pity for your child

why going at the first place when you know you'd stop half way? You've spent 3 years already, just 2 years remaining. That boy is a spoilt brat

If he was my son, he won't go to any Europe for any football. If he insists on his football career he must have a degree first and start from our local league here in Nigeria then prove himself to be a star. He doesn't even consider the millions of naira spent on him within that 3 years. Whatever pain he may be passing through. He shouldn't have abandoned his study. That's a wrong decision. He drop out of school because he knows he has a rich father

booksbo0k:
Sorry for the long write up my people, I need advice.

My first son has been behaving somehow in our family, as if he's not part of this family...
You and this boy can be in the same house but you might not set your eyes on him once for a whole day. He will be inside his room through out...

He has been telling me that he is currently working on going to rent his own place and live on his own and that if God helps him and he is able to achieve that, He will not have anything to do with our family again and that we will never set eyes on him ever again :[ ...

I would have not been bothered by such statement if it were coming from someone else, I would take it as a bluff. But this my son is someone that normally doesn't call people to check on them, not even us his parents..

When he was in his previous University before he dropped out, this boy can go for months, that is a whole semester stretch without calling anybody to know how you're doing, except you call him or maybe he wants to ask for money for something or school stuff....

We have five children and he is the first, the second and third children are away in University, he and the two last siblings are the only one's with us.. My husband refused him from going to University in a far place instead he gives him transport money to be going to his own University from home everyday...... He and his father don't even talk again except good morning greetings. He is only 21 ohh..

Let me give you guys small back story so that you can understand how all these things started.

My son graduated from secondary school (a boarding school) in 2017 at 16 years old... Initially, he said he wanted to study computer science as he said that was the course he loved and wanted to study. But my husband refused and persuaded him to study pharmacy because he worked at NAFDAC and he saw the way pharmacy graduates were living at his work place and the salary they were recieving. He and one of his chemist friend sweet talked him into going to study the course and I guess it was because he was young then and could not challenge his dad then that was why he gave in....

He wrote JAMB but he did not meet the cut of mark for pharmacy (but I later realised his score was good for computer science then)... No public University was willing to admit him for pharmacy then because his score was not good for the course but due to my husband love for the course and not wanting my son to lose admission that year , he decided to go the way of private University not minding their school fees...Long story cut short, my son got admitted into Madonna University where we were paying 1M naira every year.....After 3 years in the school and in 300L @18 years old, he began saying he was not interested in the school any longer, that he was tired of the course, that he's body is no longer in the school and blablabla that he wants to go and play football in Europe...

He came back for holiday during the beginning of covid and refused to go back to the school when they resumed, saying that he was only wasting our money by being in that school and he did not want to continue.....This got my husband really sad and angry....My son stayed home for almost two years doing nothing because my husband was adamant that if he would not go back to school, nothing for him, that all the money he has spent for school fees in that school can not be for waste that he can become a footballer after he graduates, saying no one can become a successful footballer without being a graduate, that it would later affect them in life...

But my son refused. I must confess, my son is extremely good at playing football. That was the talent i can confidently say that God personally gave to him from birth. Infact when he was graduating from secondary school, they gave him the award for the best graduating footballer and he was always the centre of attention anytime he plays at our church events. He friends used to call him "nima" then, I think...

I and my husband got tired of him staying at home for long so I went to meet with one pastor in our street who was based in the UK with his family but comes home sometimes for church related matters. I explained my son's situation to him and he offered to help my son travel out to chase his football career provided we have the funds for it. The man was secondary school class mates with "victor ikpe ekong" who was a former super eagles player but currently a pastor in Sweden. To my greatest surprise he called him on a WhatsApp video call in my presence and i was really surprised...He gave me the man's phone number to keep in contact and also scheduled a day to meet with my husband and have a discussion.. I told my son and he was very happy..I also told my husband and he was eager to meet with him at least, anything to solve my sons idleness at the time..

The pastor came to my our house on several occasions and discussed with my husband. My husband kept telling the pastor, saying he would like my son to be going to school while chasing his football career at the same time, a feat which pastor let us know would be difficult as one has to be dropped for the other. Unfortunately, my husband changed he's mind and said he was no longer interested in the whole footballer thing. He said he knew that my son wanted to become a footballer only because of girls. That he, my son knew that if he becomes a footballer, all the girls would like him, that that was the only reason he wanted to become a footballer, and that if football was his true destiny, he doesn't need to travel out for it to manifest, that he can be in Nigeria and make it from here.....That was how that chapter close like that. Pastor left for England few months after.....

After years of my son staying at home, my husband got tired. One night, he hired some Street thugs to come take my son away and beat him up...my son stayed with them for 2 weeks. When he returned, he said he was ready to go back to school. But my husband told him he won't be going back to any private University again. My son wrote jamb again to study computer science and was admitted into COOU. but my said he would not allow him go to any University that is not in the same state we are residing. Now the problem here was that all the public schools in the state we are staying will not accept you to study computer science unless you did chemistry in jamb. And my son did not do chemistry in jamb because he is not good in chemistry. If he was to study in the same state we were staying, he had to settle for another course, which he did...Now another problem arose. My husband refused to rent an apartment for my son around the school because the school is considerably far from our house, instead he decided to be giving him money (2000) everyday as transport fare to be going from home. This did not sit down well with my the boy and he again, said he was no longer interested in schooling again sef that he can't be going such far distance from home to the school everyday to study a Course he does not even like siting that it would be stressful and affect his academics and that it was unwise to be paying 60k a year as school fees while you spend 2k everyday as transport..My husband got angry and called on our estate CSO to come pick him up. They beat him so badly in public that when he got back home later in the evening, I went to check him in his room, his buttocks and back where scarred and red with huge marks...

Ever since, he has been going to the school from home and he has become very distant from us especially his dad. They don't talk again in the same house except "good morning sir"...

My son has turned into something else. He can stay indoors from morning till night. I would have said he has started keeping bad company but he does not even have a single friend, not one..Nobody calls him, and he doesn't call anybody...I have five children and he is the first. The second and third already gained admission this year in a private University and are in school currently, so he and he's last two siblings are the only one's with us now..

Why I'm writing this is because I'm scared..I'm beginning to fear that my son might commit suicide, he's beginning to show that kind of attitude.. And the plans he have to leave us forever to go and stay alone, I don't like it ohhhh...

Nairalanders please I need your advice.

I would have advised but unfortunately you and you useless Husband have already ruined the self esteem of the young man..I have a cousin that I believe would have been the biggest African player ever if only his parents allowed him to play soccer, I have never see somebody play football like him except Ronaldo and trust me I have watched a lot of players in my life so far ...His dad forced him to read medicine and today he is the most unhappy medical Dr on earth, he douses his pain with copious amounts of alcohol daily . Every time I see I wish we all rallied around him when he was 19 and supported him to play soccer .. your husband made a grave mistake if calling other boys to beat up your son , he has destroyed the self esteem of the boy forever as it is .. you have no choice but to let him go his way soon or he will end killing your huband within the next 3 years

VTJN:
the boy is a spoilt brat. He dropped out of school in year 3 after spending millions of naira. Who does that?

What stopped him from completing the remaining 2 years and pursue his football dream or start his computer science course?

He knows he has a rich father, reason why he has that guts to drop out of school easily without thinking twice

Do you know if he’s failing in school? For jamb na me use my own hand choose biochemistry and I know as e hard me. Someone wants to study computer science and you’re forcing him to study pharmacy to make matters worse e nor even sabi chemistry. My issue is not even the football, the problem did not start from the football.

Na wa oh! What kind of 'father' hires thugs to assault his own son for any reason You nko? Just looking ne Someone should call the police on you both already!!

When you return from the police cell, apologise to that poor boy. Get a counsellor to start having sessions with him because he's clearly on the path of suicide or a drastic action. Whatever the counsellor tells you to do, do it with immediate effect.

May God have mercy on you and your husband.

I wish I can adopt your son. There is so much greatness in him. You both are blind to the gift of God living with you.
You n your husband needs counselling n from someone who can be truthful enough with you guys to tell you how bad you have been as a parent n how wrong your approach has been. If this boy ever comits suicide his blood will be on you n your husband's head.

VTJN:
why going at the first place when you know you'd stop half way?

From this alone I know for a fact that you don’t have sense……. Goodbye