₦airaland Forum

Ijelenwanyioma:
I am pregnant and by special grace of God, I am expected to have my baby in 3 months time. The issue is that I don't want my mother to come for my omugwo. I am her only daughter but she hate me so much. At first I thought it is old age but she's just 60+ and I have seen older women treating their daughter right.

The last omugwo she came I saw hell, I gave birth on Monday and she came on Thursday. I had 3rd degree tear(that type that they will stitch from anus to vagina) I explained to her that I can't stand for long because of the pain. Meanwhile before she came, a woman from my husband place was taking care of me and she won't let me come down from bed except to eat, bath, breastfeed my baby and sleep. But when she saw my mum, she stopped coming. The woman already prepared soup and kept inside freezer on Wednesday before my mum arrived. It was that soup we ate till Sunday. On Sunday morning I asked my mum what we will eat and she told me to wait for people that are coming to visit us so I can send any of them to market and cook. Like how can I send my visitor message? So I waited for my husband and son to come back from church. I just took tea and also served her. My husband went to market and bought the things I needed to make stew. My baby was sleeping and I went inside kitchen to make stew. My mum sat down comfortably in the sitting room watching film and gisting with visitors that came to see me and my baby. I was in serious pain but I have to cook what me and everybody will eat. I served her the food after cooking and she gladly ate it. She's is neither sick or having pain anywhere.

My mother never cook anything in my house for 4 months till she left. The day I mentioned it to her. She started crying that she knows I hate her like my father. Like how? I even expected her to apologise and lie that she wasn't feeling fine that day. Among all her children, I give her more money but she always show me I am not important.

The problem is, even though this is my third child, I can barely take care of child under 1 month. Apart from cooking, my mum always makes me cry by telling me some very harsh word. She will force me to drink very hot water that I can't even pour on my skin. If I refuse to drink she will get angry and start her wahala again. I don't just want her to come to my house again for my mental health. O ti su mi 😭😭

😱
Guy are you thinking what I am thinking 🤔?

My first and second birth my mother came for
my Omugwo. She stayed for 3 months before going back after which my mother in-law will come and stay for 6 months. Something happened between my mother-in-law and my husband that resulted to serious fracas between them. My husband therein decided that his mum will no longer come to his house. I didn't like the decision anyway.
So when I gave birth to my 3rd baby, my mum was preparing for Omugwo but I wouldn't want her to come due to my husband's decision on her mum and it won't look partial on my side if only my mum come for the Omugwo of my 3rd bay. I had to call my father and explained everything to him why he should not allow my mom to come for the Omugwo. It was my father that salvaged the situation and my mum didn't come eventually. It pained me though .

lilyheaven:
I’m sure you are living in Africa.
Your wife will divorce you abroad , with this ideas of yours

When you marry a wife you love dearly, you will do everything for her

They make it look say na man dey suffer divorce pass.
Do you know how this women die of depression in abroad after divorce. They literally hop on every dick available yet no happiness. The man would have moved on and found a younger person to enjoy his life with. Who want to be digging woman whey don born all her children finish when many young girls are out there looking sweet.

Ijelenwanyioma:
I understand you sir but this happened about 5 years ago and she has not even enter 60 then. I have washing machine and market to our house is not up to 5mins walk. Even most times she will tell me to bath my baby that she's tired. I know how my mum treat other people children and she treat me differently. From my childhood, we were never close even though we lived together. She believes my father loves me more than her which is even not true. Like is it my fault for my daddy to love me?

Then don’t invite her. Get alternative and stop stressing yourself before pre-emclampsia catch u.

What da hell is omugwo?

Ijelenwanyioma:
I am pregnant and by special grace of God, I am expected to have my baby in 3 months time. The issue is that I don't want my mother to come for my omugwo. I am her only daughter but she hate me so much. At first I thought it is old age but she's just 60+ and I have seen older women treating their daughter right.

The last omugwo she came I saw hell, I gave birth on Monday and she came on Thursday. I had 3rd degree tear(that type that they will stitch from anus to vagina) I explained to her that I can't stand for long because of the pain. Meanwhile before she came, a woman from my husband place was taking care of me and she won't let me come down from bed except to eat, bath, breastfeed my baby and sleep. But when she saw my mum, she stopped coming. The woman already prepared soup and kept inside freezer on Wednesday before my mum arrived. It was that soup we ate till Sunday. On Sunday morning I asked my mum what we will eat and she told me to wait for people that are coming to visit us so I can send any of them to market and cook. Like how can I send my visitor message? So I waited for my husband and son to come back from church. I just took tea and also served her. My husband went to market and bought the things I needed to make stew. My baby was sleeping and I went inside kitchen to make stew. My mum sat down comfortably in the sitting room watching film and gisting with visitors that came to see me and my baby. I was in serious pain but I have to cook what me and everybody will eat. I served her the food after cooking and she gladly ate it. She's is neither sick or having pain anywhere.

My mother never cook anything in my house for 4 months till she left. The day I mentioned it to her. She started crying that she knows I hate her like my father. Like how? I even expected her to apologise and lie that she wasn't feeling fine that day. Among all her children, I give her more money but she always show me I am not important.

The problem is, even though this is my third child, I can barely take care of child under 1 month. Apart from cooking, my mum always makes me cry by telling me some very harsh word. She will force me to drink very hot water that I can't even pour on my skin. If I refuse to drink she will get angry and start her wahala again. I don't just want her to come to my house again for my mental health. O ti su mi 😭😭

Very Simple....Don't Invite her neither Send her Money for Transport. Must She Come for every Delivery? Let Ur Husbands Side take Charge this time around,Pls...And You should Cut Down on too ur much Eating during Pregnancy...Why d Cut...Check ur Baby Weight to avoid any Degree Cutting Boor

u know ur mothers character tell her to avoid u simple.

Ijelenwanyioma:
I understand you sir but this happened about 5 years ago and she has not even enter 60 then. I have washing machine and market to our house is not up to 5mins walk. Even most times she will tell me to bath my baby that she's tired. I know how my mum treat other people children and she treat me differently. From my childhood, we were never close even though we lived together. She believes my father loves me more than her which is even not true. Like is it my fault for my daddy to love me?

It's your house, it's your life. Tell her straight up that you don't need omugwo now. Get a paid help or a nanny to take care of the baby. I am sure you and your husband can afford one. Africans are too emotional and tend to succumb to emotional blackmail.

I don't like that igbo omugwo culture. It's probably because lots of women are jobless or unemployed. Will you ask a woman that's working or running a business to leave her work and come to take care of you and your baby for 4 months?

Draslo:
Lol na vacation your mama dey come do. Let her come but also bring the woman from your husband's side. If she wants to watch AM Igbo all day and stretch her legs on the sofa, then so be it. This is her only excuse to live with you again.

Complete.

These old mothers from hubby or wife's side are only truly coming for vacation. They don't really wish to care for anyone. They rather prefer to be cared for. In fact, if you don't want to be on their bad side, its better to have them come when you are stronger and have healed.

The true reason for visiting is to play with baby and chillax while being cared for. A woman inviting moms for omugwo is attracting extra stress in disguise. And if they actually do the work, you have a new secret enemy.

I'm about getting married.

I need more comments from you guys

libertyfather:
Simple get someone to do her job, let her come her usual come eat and go, no fight no enemy she remains ur mother...but one thing about woman accusing the kids of hating them like their father....fear dem i repeat fear dem, they usually frustrate the man life and wants the kids to be supporting their evil deed

why should she come?? D woman is clearly an enemy to her daughter, & her daughter has tried her best & her daughter has d right to mental sanity. Since d mother has chosen to make an enemy out d fruit of her womb, then so be it. D mother is a demonic, malignant narcissist. I ve a mother like that, I cut her off, till today, weather she lives or dies, I don't care.my sanity is utmost.

Ijelenwanyioma:
I am pregnant and by special grace of God, I am expected to have my baby in 3 months time. The issue is that I don't want my mother to come for my omugwo. I am her only daughter but she hate me so much. At first I thought it is old age but she's just 60+ and I have seen older women treating their daughter right.

The last omugwo she came I saw hell, I gave birth on Monday and she came on Thursday. I had 3rd degree tear(that type that they will stitch from anus to vagina) I explained to her that I can't stand for long because of the pain. Meanwhile before she came, a woman from my husband place was taking care of me and she won't let me come down from bed except to eat, bath, breastfeed my baby and sleep. But when she saw my mum, she stopped coming. The woman already prepared soup and kept inside freezer on Wednesday before my mum arrived. It was that soup we ate till Sunday. On Sunday morning I asked my mum what we will eat and she told me to wait for people that are coming to visit us so I can send any of them to market and cook. Like how can I send my visitor message? So I waited for my husband and son to come back from church. I just took tea and also served her. My husband went to market and bought the things I needed to make stew. My baby was sleeping and I went inside kitchen to make stew. My mum sat down comfortably in the sitting room watching film and gisting with visitors that came to see me and my baby. I was in serious pain but I have to cook what me and everybody will eat. I served her the food after cooking and she gladly ate it. She's is neither sick or having pain anywhere.

My mother never cook anything in my house for 4 months till she left. The day I mentioned it to her. She started crying that she knows I hate her like my father. Like how? I even expected her to apologise and lie that she wasn't feeling fine that day. Among all her children, I give her more money but she always show me I am not important.

The problem is, even though this is my third child, I can barely take care of child under 1 month. Apart from cooking, my mum always makes me cry by telling me some very harsh word. She will force me to drink very hot water that I can't even pour on my skin. If I refuse to drink she will get angry and start her wahala again. I don't just want her to come to my house again for my mental health. O ti su mi 😭😭

Sorry, but this sounds funny. Why does she make you drink hot water? Any reason? And why do you drink it?

When guests enter the pots and kitchens of Nigerian women they pick offense. They mark off their territory. My husband, my home, my kitchen, it's my rules, my this and that. At least that's the impression one gets from general posts here, so it's surprising you would want her to cook for you. Would you feel she were meddling in your marriage under other circumstances? Why don't you employ a certified person who can care for you since she's not ideal?

A lot of parents hate the child that takes the best care of them. It's a thing where they can turn round and accuse that child of all but murdering them. Nobody knows why.

Talk to your mother. You alone know why she's hated you. Maybe it's a misunderstanding. But it probably has something to do with your childhood and your father. Perhaps she hasn't gotten over not being loved by you as a child as much as you openly showed you loved your father. Find out from her.

Ijelenwanyioma:
I understand you sir but this happened about 5 years ago and she has not even enter 60 then. I have washing machine and market to our house is not up to 5mins walk. Even most times she will tell me to bath my baby that she's tired. I know how my mum treat other people children and she treat me differently. From my childhood, we were never close even though we lived together. She believes my father loves me more than her which is even not true. Like is it my fault for my daddy to love me?

Don't allow her to come period. Women you people can tolerate when it is your own, even when they treat you badly in your own home you will swallow it, but you cannot take such shit from your in-laws. Kindly tell her someone is already doing the omugwo. Honestly there are a lot of mothers who are not worthy to be called mothers because they hate their children who do not support their evil deeds and tend to love the ones who support their evil deeds. that is who they are. I have heard of a case where a mother had to connive with one sibling to kill her other son and make them to seize all his properties from the wife and children, only for the son she supported and love to abandon her and was wasting the money they connive to steal on olosho.

Draslo:
Lol na vacation your mama dey come do. Let her come but also bring the woman from your husband's side. If she wants to watch AM Igbo all day and stretch her legs on the sofa, then so be it. This is her only excuse to live with you again.

Imagine, una can condone nonsense for that country shall.

Don't tell her not to come o.


Tell her, mummy I just put to bed, I still need significant medical attention now. I will send you money for transport and to get a few things for me as soon as the doctor certifies me fit. Thank you for all your prayers ma.

I am pregnant and by special grace of God, I am expected to have my baby in 3 months time. The issue is that I don't want my mother to come for my omugwo. I am her only daughter but she hate me so much. At first I thought it is old age but she's just 60+ and I have seen older women treating their daughter right.

The last omugwo she came I saw hell, I gave birth on Monday and she came on Thursday.

Ijelenwanyioma:
I had 3rd degree tear(that type that they will stitch from anus to vagina)

I explained to her that I can't stand for long because of the pain. Meanwhile before she came, a woman from my husband place was taking care of me and she won't let me come down from bed except to eat, bath, breastfeed my baby and sleep. But when she saw my mum, she stopped coming. The woman already prepared soup and kept inside freezer on Wednesday before my mum arrived. It was that soup we ate till Sunday. On Sunday morning I asked my mum what we will eat and she told me to wait for people that are coming to visit us so I can send any of them to market and cook. Like how can I send my visitor message? So I waited for my husband and son to come back from church. I just took tea and also served her. My husband went to market and bought the things I needed to make stew. My baby was sleeping and I went inside kitchen to make stew. My mum sat down comfortably in the sitting room watching film and gisting with visitors that came to see me and my baby. I was in serious pain but I have to cook what me and everybody will eat. I served her the food after cooking and she gladly ate it. She's is neither sick or having pain anywhere.

My mother never cook anything in my house for 4 months till she left. The day I mentioned it to her. She started crying that she knows I hate her like my father. Like how? I even expected her to apologise and lie that she wasn't feeling fine that day. Among all her children, I give her more money but she always show me I am not important.

The problem is, even though this is my third child, I can barely take care of child under 1 month. Apart from cooking, my mum always makes me cry by telling me some very harsh word. She will force me to drink very hot water that I can't even pour on my skin. If I refuse to drink she will get angry and start her wahala again. I don't just want her to come to my house again for my mental health. O ti su mi 😭😭

Me:
This one touch me. How you and your husband come dey cope with sex after that experience.
The Doctor wey sew that place try O

My neigbour gave birth last year. For some reasons mother couldnt come to zeko. It was a neigbour too that did omugwo for her. Infact we all eulogies the neigbour that some people still greet her till today in the compound.

akube34:
I dislike this “she is your mother” talk so much. Simple if she can’t do those stuff, let her come and see them for a few days and go back. Hire someone who will do the job

simple and short

All of you are mad people

Foodqueen:
Just tell her straight not to come.

U aren't a baby.

Can you honestly tell your own mother not to come?
Imagine the disappointment and emotional blackmail you'd receive

Rokiat:
Lemme spell it in capital letters


NARCISSISTIC MOTHER


Mother daughter jealousy is a real thing. Some mothers are jealous of their daughters and never want better for them.

Especially if your marriage is flourishing and your husband is loving on you and hers wasn’t like that she’s gonna hate you. You have to be smart and know how to handle such toxic mothers nothing you do will ever be good enough because she only love herself. You have to move accordingly and set boundaries to protect your mental health else you will mirror her and do to
Your own kid the same she’s doing to You.




You have to start unlearning some of the toxic things she taught you and how she raised you so you can do better with your own kids else the circle will
continue because narcissists parents breed narcissists kids.

Also you are now an adult and have to
Set boundaries with your mother quite frankly don’t give a F about her feelings and don’t be scare about telling her your mind. You have to set boundaries with her. If she’s this toxic cut her off, be kind and respectful to her but keep a distance from her.

You open your mouth and speak like things a4 that simple. The kind of emotional blackmail you'd receive alone from her will be something no one will ever wish to have

siofra:
So what about your husband?? Is he disabled??

Can't he cook and take care of you?? Won't you do same for him if he were sick??

Hmm.

Life isn't always the way you seem to think it is

Omoawoke:
They make it look say na man dey suffer divorce pass.
Do you know how this women die of depression in abroad after divorce. They literally hop on every dick available yet no happiness. The man would have moved on and found a younger person to enjoy his life with. Who want to be digging woman whey don born all her children finish when many young girls are out there looking sweet.

What a very misogynistic statement. Marriage is not all about sex and digging abeg.
Many divorced women CHOOSE to not remarry because they don't want marriage, not because they didn't get a husband.
And research shows that single women live longer than miserable married women.

Cogent:
What a very misogynistic statement. Marriage is not all about sex and digging abeg.
Many divorced women CHOOSE to not remarry because they don't want marriage, not because they didn't get a husband.
And research shows that single women live longer than miserable married women.

Post the research and the data

CondenseMilk:
Ijelenwanyioma

what a beautiful Monika, meanwhile since this is your third child, I don't think you need any omugwo.

lastly, do you need some condensed milk?

condensed milk? na fura she need

Ijelenwanyioma:
I am pregnant and by special grace of God, I am expected to have my baby in 3 months time. The issue is that I don't want my mother to come for my omugwo. I am her only daughter but she hate me so much. At first I thought it is old age but she's just 60+ and I have seen older women treating their daughter right.

The last omugwo she came I saw hell, I gave birth on Monday and she came on Thursday. I had 3rd degree tear(that type that they will stitch from anus to vagina) I explained to her that I can't stand for long because of the pain. Meanwhile before she came, a woman from my husband place was taking care of me and she won't let me come down from bed except to eat, bath, breastfeed my baby and sleep. But when she saw my mum, she stopped coming. The woman already prepared soup and kept inside freezer on Wednesday before my mum arrived. It was that soup we ate till Sunday. On Sunday morning I asked my mum what we will eat and she told me to wait for people that are coming to visit us so I can send any of them to market and cook. Like how can I send my visitor message? So I waited for my husband and son to come back from church. I just took tea and also served her. My husband went to market and bought the things I needed to make stew. My baby was sleeping and I went inside kitchen to make stew. My mum sat down comfortably in the sitting room watching film and gisting with visitors that came to see me and my baby. I was in serious pain but I have to cook what me and everybody will eat. I served her the food after cooking and she gladly ate it. She's is neither sick or having pain anywhere.

My mother never cook anything in my house for 4 months till she left. The day I mentioned it to her. She started crying that she knows I hate her like my father. Like how? I even expected her to apologise and lie that she wasn't feeling fine that day. Among all her children, I give her more money but she always show me I am not important.

The problem is, even though this is my third child, I can barely take care of child under 1 month. Apart from cooking, my mum always makes me cry by telling me some very harsh word. She will force me to drink very hot water that I can't even pour on my skin. If I refuse to drink she will get angry and start her wahala again. I don't just want her to come to my house again for my mental health. O ti su mi 😭😭

WTF! It's well, Iru iya wo leyi? I kind of feel emotional right now from reading this heartbreaking thread

I can feel what you went through. My mum did same to my wife and I even when she almost lost her life. Never will she come to my house again. Never ever will I allow her to come to my house and show us shege again
Take heart and move on.

Ijelenwanyioma:
I am pregnant and by special grace of God, I am expected to have my baby in 3 months time. The issue is that I don't want my mother to come for my omugwo. I am her only daughter but she hate me so much. At first I thought it is old age but she's just 60+ and I have seen older women treating their daughter right.

The last omugwo she came I saw hell, I gave birth on Monday and she came on Thursday. I had 3rd degree tear(that type that they will stitch from anus to vagina) I explained to her that I can't stand for long because of the pain. Meanwhile before she came, a woman from my husband place was taking care of me and she won't let me come down from bed except to eat, bath, breastfeed my baby and sleep. But when she saw my mum, she stopped coming. The woman already prepared soup and kept inside freezer on Wednesday before my mum arrived. It was that soup we ate till Sunday. On Sunday morning I asked my mum what we will eat and she told me to wait for people that are coming to visit us so I can send any of them to market and cook. Like how can I send my visitor message? So I waited for my husband and son to come back from church. I just took tea and also served her. My husband went to market and bought the things I needed to make stew. My baby was sleeping and I went inside kitchen to make stew. My mum sat down comfortably in the sitting room watching film and gisting with visitors that came to see me and my baby. I was in serious pain but I have to cook what me and everybody will eat. I served her the food after cooking and she gladly ate it. She's is neither sick or having pain anywhere.

My mother never cook anything in my house for 4 months till she left. The day I mentioned it to her. She started crying that she knows I hate her like my father. Like how? I even expected her to apologise and lie that she wasn't feeling fine that day. Among all her children, I give her more money but she always show me I am not important.

The problem is, even though this is my third child, I can barely take care of child under 1 month. Apart from cooking, my mum always makes me cry by telling me some very harsh word. She will force me to drink very hot water that I can't even pour on my skin. If I refuse to drink she will get angry and start her wahala again. I don't just want her to come to my house again for my mental health. O ti su mi 😭😭

Do you think you come this life for your mother??
If you want more pains and maybe to die before your time allow her come.
Just tell her you have someone else to babysit your infant and care less about what she feels or think as she also doesn't care about your wellbeing . If you like attach emotions, that's your wahala

Politely get someone else to come and help.
When your mum comes and sees no vacancy, her stay will be limited.

My dear I feel the pains, please all I will advise you to do is just forgive, don't let it stay in your mind. Just forgive her, if you don't want her in your life, don't bear grudge against her probably for something you were annoyed as a result of her action. Just let go, I believe God will help you.

But dont let it stay in your heart long. Forgive and move on with your life as if nothing happened. You can choose to avoid her, or ignore her but don't abuse, don't disrespect, and don't fight her. just shun and live your best life. I wish you the best.