₦airaland Forum

@OP, welcome to the truth.
I've been saying it for sometime, but you know our people and their religious self deceits.
My theory is simple: A girl should marry first (by 18-20 years), have all children, before going to university.
Controversial view? Yep.
But true based on my years of observing/studying this problem.
It is a deep topic, but one that if you are courageous enough, you would be amazed by your finding (i,e if you study it fearlessly).

This unfettered access to internet gives access to all to write whatever they want.

Dimaya:
Your decisions matter. There's lots of women who get married in school. The longer women wait to start their families, the harder it gets to have children.

Half of unmarried, educated women above 30 are having difficulties with conception. And most of them have bought into this bogus lie that the longer you wait, the better it becomes

It will be nice to keep quiet than write this unfounded thoughts in your head. To know your warped mind feels all fertility issues are from the females tells your level of ignorance. Don't let your access to internet expose you further.

Interesting topic.

Divoc19:
Not true. Fertility issue is most times genetic or health related not age related

Age is a factor as well trust me. I have relatives that got married late, they all delayed before giving birth. Minimum was 4 years with serious prayers, medical procedures and concoctions. Some have only one till date.

Most times these things are not always the way we think.

Age might be a factor but saying half of unmarried women above age 30 have fertility issues is quite unfounded. Also saying most women above 30 have issues is another unfounded statement. Most is above 70% for me and we all know it's not true

Now that I think of it, I only know one person a cousin of mine who married at 35 and had fertility issues, every other person I know that had issues with conception got married in their 20s, and it stretched to their 30s.

The others that got married in their 30s got pregnant easily.

And then most I know that married below 30 married within the range of 26-29 only one got married in school.

It's a very sensitive issue because there are lots and lots of women who married early and they had issues.mostly health related, all these hormonal imbalance and other reproductive health wahala don't respect age.


You are leaving out one fact though, what about the men? A sizeable amount of these issues come from the men and we outsiders add the women (their wives) as one of our statistic.

GboyegaD:
It will be nice to keep quiet than write this unfounded thoughts in your head. To know your warped mind feels all fertility issues are from the females tells your level of ignorance. Don't let your access to internet expose you further.

If you're certain the counsel isn't useful, please feel free to disregard it. In infertility, there are male and female factors. For females, there are ovarian, tubal, uterine and hormonal factors.

Male fertility is useless if the woman isn't ovulating. From clinical experience, we know women have 300,000 to 400,000 eggs at puberty and shed an average of 12, 020 annually. That puts the woman's reproductive window within 25-27 years.

If she attains menarche (starts her menses) between ages 10 and 12, she'll run out of viable eggs at age 35 to 39. It is common sense to counsel men who want children to avoid women whose eggs are about to run out

I'm actually qualified to speak on this.

It's the same common sense to advise women to avoid marrying unemployed men.

I guess you must be older than 25, and the counsel hits a bit too close to home.

NoToPile:
Most times these things are not always the way we think.

Age might be a factor but saying half of unmarried women above age 30 have fertility issues is quite unfounded. Also saying most women above 30 have issues is another unfounded statement. Most is above 70% for me and we all know it's not true

Now that I think of it, I only know one person a cousin of mine who married at 35 and had fertility issues, every other person I know that had issues with conception got married in their 20s, and it stretched to their 30s.

The others that got married in their 30s got pregnant easily.

And then most I know that married below 30 married within the range of 26-29 only one got married in school.

It's a very sensitive issue because there are lots and lots of women who married early and they had issues.mostly health related, all these hormonal imbalance and other reproductive health wahala don't respect age.


You are leaving out one fact though, what about the men? A sizeable amount of these issues come from the men and we outsiders add the women (their wives) as one of our statistic.

The video quotes clinical research. The link in the original post is a study tracking female fertility. It's not based on anecdotal evidence.

My position is to help young men who want children to make better informed choices.

And if you have two women, one in her twenties and the other in her thirties, it is far easier to treat primary infertility issues in the 20year old than in the 30 year old.

Female age is the most important factor affecting fertility. Women are born with all the eggs they will ever have and the number of eggs available decreases each day from birth onwards.

https://fertilitynetworkuk.org › fact...
Factors Affecting

Dimaya:
If you're certain the counsel isn't useful, please feel free to disregard it. In infertility, there are male and female factors. For females, there are ovarian, tubal, uterine and hormonal factors.

Male fertility is useless if the woman isn't ovulating. From clinical experience, we know women have 300,000 to 400,000 eggs at puberty and shed an average of 12, 020 annually. That puts the woman's reproductive window within 25-27 years.

If she attains menarche (starts her menses) between ages 10 and 12, she'll run out of viable eggs at age 35 to 39. It is common sense to counsel men who want children to avoid women whose eggs are about to run out

I'm actually qualified to speak on this.

It's the same common sense to advise women to avoid marrying unemployed men.

I guess you must be older than 25, and the counsel hits a bit too close to home.

Now tell me why NLders won't feel this is another female above 30 bashing thread, the bolded is very unnecesary, the person you quoted is even a guy.


You sound like you are attacking females above 30. Keep your thread free from all those stuffs, post your own facts and let others post their own counter arguments.

Dimaya:
The video quotes clinical research. The link in the original post is a study tracking female fertility. It's not based on anecdotal evidence.

My position is to help young men who want children to make better informed choices.

And if you have two women, one in her twenties and the other in her thirties, it is far easier to treat primary infertility issues in the 20year old than in the 30 year old.

All right your position is duly noted, though those informed choices guarantees nothing.

GloriousGbola:
Fertility is not a matter of age. The only real argument for marrying early as a woman is that your body will recover faster. And that children in your late thirties may be at risk for congenital defects.

But fertility - fertility is what it is. I know lots of women who had children in their thirties. I know chicks who were promiscuous and had abortions who are married with kids today. On the flip side I know two women who married as virgins who had trouble conceiving. It is one of those random tosses of genetic dice.

You are wrong. There are more women in their 30s who have fertility issues than women in their 20s. This used to be common knowledge 30 to 50 years ago. You can not rely on anecdotal evidence.

I issue you a simple challenge:

Google "what is the single most important factor in female fertility?"

And please read all the clinical literature that shows up.

NoToPile:
Now tell me why NLders won't feel this is another female above 30 bashing thread, the bolded is very unnecesary, the person you quoted is even a guy.


You sound like you are attacking females above 30. Keep your thread free from all those stuffs, post your own facts and let others post their own counter arguments.

I am not attacking women above 30. And I knew he is a guy that's why I responded that way.

Go to any fertility clinic. Speak to any OBGYN and they'll tell you- the biggest issue with infertility today is that women are delaying childbearing.

Women are coming to the clinics at ages when they should have completed their families.

My counsel is for the men. Not women. I believe everyone is deserving of love. Both young and old. But, if you're a young man who wants children, it's better to choose a wife 25 and below. It markedly reduces your risks of female infertility and gives you a window to address treatment even if there are issues.

GloriousGbola:
Fertility is not a matter of age. The only real argument for marrying early as a woman is that your body will recover faster. And that children in your late thirties may be at risk for congenital defects.

But fertility - fertility is what it is. I know lots of women who had children in their thirties. I know chicks who were promiscuous and had abortions who are married with kids today. On the flip side I know two women who married as virgins who had trouble conceiving. It is one of those random tosses of genetic dice.

My last child was born when my wife was 38. It was the most difficult birth of all three and the one with the hardest post recovery.

There are pros and cons to having children early. But in Nigeria it is important that you are able to fend for yourself.

This is so true. I've witnessed it myself. Our bodies are very different, very different. I told someone this just yesterday night, not up to 9 hours ago. Told her we eat the same food, but when we deficate, our faeces don't look the same, heck it doesn't even smell the same. Lol.

I now believe the very reason why many people rush to have kids early, is just to use them as retirement plan.

Dimaya:
I am not attacking women above 30. And I knew he is a guy that's why I responded that way.

Go to any fertility clinic. Speak to any OBGYN and they'll tell you- the biggest issue with infertility today is that women are delaying childbearing.

Women are coming to the clinics at ages when they should have completed their families.

My counsel is for the men. Not women. I believe everyone is deserving of love. Both young and old. But, if you're a young man who wants children, it's better to choose a wife 25 and below. It markedly reduces your risks of female infertility and gives you a window to address treatment even if there are issues.

Just as IVF have become common around the world, so would oocyte cryopreservation (the preservation of the eggs just as sperms are being preserved) become a widely known practice.

I have a colleague who is presently 31 and had a oocyte cryopreservation years back, she says would have her first child in the next 3 years.... technology is also providing opportunities for women to have greater control on reproduction and I have advised some women, to look into it as their back up.

Is a decreasing birth rate one of Nigeria`s problems now?

Divoc19:
Not true. Fertility issue is most times genetic or health related not age related

In addition to your points age also a factor.

Female eggs is inversely proportional to the age of the female, it depletes as age increases.
Age factor becomes prominent when the female starts getting to late 30s.

Mindlog:
Just as IVF have become common around the world, so would oocyte cryopreservation (the preservation of the eggs just as sperms are being preserved) become a widely known practice.

I have a colleague who is presently 31 and had a oocyte cryopreservation years back, she says would have her first child in the next 3 years.... technology is also providing opportunities for women to have greater control on reproduction and I have advised some women, to look into it as their back up.

A single cycle of IVF (complete with tests, medication, extraction) can cost between 9million to 22million naira ($15,000 to $30,000) depending on the facility and country.

Why would you propose such to young people just starting out their lives? It is grossly unfair.

Dimaya:
A single cycle of IVF (complete with tests, medication, extraction) can cost between 9million to 22million depending on the facility and country.

Why would you propose such to young people just starting out their lives? It is grossly unfair.

Not every woman has sights on getting married or start having children before 25! Individuals have their preferred timelines and we shouldn't "weep on their behalf".

They have a right and option to delay conception and that MUST BE RESPECTED.

Just as sperms are stored for later use, so are eggs. Women can comfortably have children when they are ready and not pressured into it when they are not mentally and physically ready to go through that phase!

Mindlog:
Not every woman has sights on getting married or start having children before 25! Individuals have their preferred timelines and we shouldn't "weep on their behalf".

They have a right and option to delay conception and that MUST BE RESPECTED.

Just as sperms are stored for later use, so are eggs. Women can comfortably have children when they are ready and not pressured into it when they are not mentally and physically ready to go through that phase!

I am not talking to women. I am talking to young men who want to have children and want to avoid reproductive issues and expensive fertility treatments.

If you had a brother who had to choose between an older woman with IVF treatment and a 23 year old with natural conception, which would you advise?

Women are free to choose what to do with their bodies. But young men need to be made aware of the reality of the female reproductive window, so they can factor that information into decision-making when selecting a wife, particularly if they want children.

I am not speaking in hypothetical situations. Right now, I have four male friends in their
Forties who have spent a combined 100milliom on fertility treatments. It's all they lament about when we talk. They all bought into the social media bs on age gaps and married women in their mid-thirties. Now, after almost 8 years of marriage and millions in healthcare bills, one of them impregnated a 24 year old without his wife's knowledge. He wishes he had just married a much younger woman instead of marrying his wife in her mid-thirties. And he was advised then, but felt it wasn't so much of a big deal.

So armed with that information, why would anyone advise any man to get with a woman whose fertility window is almost over? Why?

Men don't talk about this issues because it's frowned upon and they are shamed if they complain.

Dimaya:
If you're certain the counsel isn't useful, please feel free to disregard it. In infertility, there are male and female factors. For females, there are ovarian, tubal, uterine and hormonal factors.

Male fertility is useless if the woman isn't ovulating. From clinical experience, we know women have 300,000 to 400,000 eggs at puberty and shed an average of 12, 020 annually. That puts the woman's reproductive window within 25-27 years.

If she attains menarche (starts her menses) between ages 10 and 12, she'll run out of viable eggs at age 35 to 39. It is common sense to counsel men who want children to avoid women whose eggs are about to run out

I'm actually qualified to speak on this.

It's the same common sense to advise women to avoid marrying unemployed men.

I guess you must be older than 25, and the counsel hits a bit too close to home.

You might be qualified however, you are biased and this taints your authority.

That said, male fertility is as important as female fertility. There's no need to downplay any of them.

I am more than 25 and interestingly, I got married in my 30s and so is my wife and we are parents without worries.

Dimaya:
I am not talking to women. I am talking to young men who want to have children and want to avoid reproductive issues and expensive fertility treatments.

If you had a brother who had to choose between an older woman with IVF treatment and a 23 year old with natural conception, which would you advise?

Women are free to choose what to do with their bodies. But young men need to be made aware of the reality of the female reproductive window, so they can factor that information into decision-making when selecting a wife, particularly if they want children.

I am not speaking in hypothetical situations. Right now, I have four male friends in their
Forties who have spent a combined 100milliom on fertility treatments. It's all they lament about when we talk. They all bought into the social media bs on age gaps and married women in their mid-thirties. Now, after almost 8 years of marriage and millions in healthcare bills, one of them impregnated a 24 year old without his wife's knowledge. He wishes he had just married a much younger woman instead of marrying his wife in her mid-thirties. And he was advised then, but felt it wasn't so much of a big deal.

So armed with that information, why would anyone advise any man to get with a woman whose fertility window is almost over? Why?

Men don't talk about this issues because it's frowned upon and they are shamed if they complain.

My 2 brothers married their wives when the women were 30 and 32, they have both given birth to my nieces and nephews.

I come from a family where the females marry from the age of 28 and above (across South East, women from Imo state are known for marrying later because many of dem like to finish school, work, support their birth family before getting married or having a child outside marriage). So a woman being in her 30s, does not automatically make her a woman with IVF treatment or can you provide me a data reflecting that women from Imo state are the highest users of IVF treatment in Nigeria.....you are so limiting in your reasoning!

What is your definition of a "young man"?

You think as if all fertility issue is female based and given that the young men you keep hyping about, that none of them have fertility issues of their own.

Don't downplay male infertility and make it more about females or even disregard the issues surrounding "old sperm".

I married at 24, I will never ever advise it. The perfect age is30,31,32. Anything before that is very risky. At 25 you don’t have the mental capacity to vet a man properly. Financially you cannot even stand on your own. Naivety and lack of experience will put you in the wrong hands. It’s only God that saves some women.

olabrinks:
I married at 24, I will never ever advise it. The perfect age is30,31,32. Anything before that is very risky. At 25 you don’t have the mental capacity to vet a man properly. Financially you cannot even stand on your own. Naivety and lack of experience will put you in the wrong hands. It’s only God that saves some women.

The post is for young men who want to get married. You could have gotten married at 30 and would still have the same marital issues you have.

I assume you had children shortly after marrying at 24. If your husband wanted to have children, then marrying you early gave him that outcome. However, if he had married a 35year old version of you, in addition to having the usual marital/relationship fights, he would now have to be battling with fertility issues.

The post and video isn't giving relationship advice. We all know relationships are hard. The post and video is giving reproductive health advice to men (who want children) when choosing a mate.

You assume that waiting until 32 to get married would have given you a better outcome. Perhaps you're right. But several women who've waited until mid thirties to start a family now have to deal with fertility issues in addition to the usual relationship problems that develop in marriage.

I didn't link the video to address everyone. There's no counsel or advice that will be applicable to every person.

The original post is focused on single, young men aged 25-40 who are financially capable of supporting a family. If you're not in this category, the post isn't directed at you.

If you are in this target demographic, and it is important for you to have children, then you're better off marrying a wife who is within her reproductive window which peaks at age 25. Don't buy into the narrative that age doesn't matter when it comes to childbearing. It does. Every OBGYN and assisted reproductive physician will tell you that the female age is the single most important determinant of fertility.

If you choose to marry an older woman, you have opened up the door to the possibility of fertility treatment.


FOR WOMEN,

You're valuable and don't feel under pressure to get married early. You can choose to prioritize your career but there are tradeoffs with every decision. If you wait until late thirties, there's the risk of age-related infertility and congenital anomalies in the children (should you choose to have children late).

Your decisions are yours to make. The speaker in the original video just points out the drawbacks of delaying childbearing.

I hope this explains my position on the post and video. I am not bashing any woman. I am not saying older women are not worthy of love.

GboyegaD:
You might be qualified however, you are biased and this taints your authority.

That said, male fertility is as important as female fertility. There's no need to downplay any of them.

I am more than 25 and interestingly, I got married in my 30s and so is my wife and we are parents without worries.

The post is addressed to men selecting wives. If it were addressed to women selecting husbands, it would be focused on advising women to marry men can financially support a family.

It's like saying because your cousin married an unemployed man and they're doing fine, you would advise every girl graduating school to marry an unemployed man.

Dimaya:
I didn't link the video to address everyone. There's no counsel or advice that will be applicable to every person.

The original post is focused on single, young men aged 25-40 who are financially capable of supporting a family. If you're not in this category, the post isn't directed at you.

If you are in this target demographic, and it is important for you to have children, then you're better off marrying a wife who is within her reproductive window which peaks at age 25. Don't buy into the narrative that age doesn't matter when it comes to childbearing. It does. Every OBGYN and assisted reproductive physician will tell you that the female age is the single most important determinant of fertility.

If you choose to marry an older woman, you have opened up the door to the possibility of fertility treatment.


FOR WOMEN,

You're valuable and don't feel under pressure to get married early. You can choose to prioritize your career but there are tradeoffs with every decision. If you wait until late thirties, there's the risk of age-related infertility and congenital anomalies in the children (should you choose to have children late).

Your decisions are yours to make. The speaker in the original video just points out the drawbacks of delaying childbearing.

I hope this explains my position on the post and video. I am not bashing any woman. I am not saying older women are not worthy of love.

I strongly believe some Nigerian/African men are your low hanging fruits because you can't repeat this crap before a Caucasian audience and you wouldn't end up looking so f.o.o.l.i.s.h!

Does the present Nigeria have an institutionalized health and social support system that would guarantee a lady of 25 years and below who is yet to gain financial stability that if she has children there are sure health care services, if the husband "throws her out of his house" or walks away from the marriage, leaving her and the children behind, what happens to her and the children?

You are too one directional and I will not to associate with your "professionalism" and your health issues communication, you certainly skipped some lectures in school!

Mindlog:
I strongly believe some Nigerian/African men are your low hanging fruits because you can't repeat this crap before a Caucasian audience and you wouldn't end up looking so f.o.o.l.i.s.h!

Does the present Nigeria have an institutionalized health and social support system that would guarantee a lady of 25 years and below who is yet to gain financial stability that if she has children there are sure health care services, if the husband "throws her out of his house" or walks away from the marriage, leaving her and the children behind, what happens to her and the children?

You are too one directional and I will not to associate with your "professionalism" and your health issues communication, you certainly skipped some lectures in school!

I think you should come up with a multi-directional post that will address these issues you've raised. Whatever you think, perhaps you're right.

Dimaya:
The post is for young men who want to get married. You could have gotten married at 30 and would still have the same marital issues you have.

I assume you had children shortly after marrying at 24. If your husband wanted to have children, then marrying you early gave him that outcome. However, if he had married a 35year old version of you, in addition to having the usual marital/relationship fights, he would now have to be battling with fertility issues.

The post and video isn't giving relationship advice. We all know relationships are hard. The post and video is giving reproductive health advice to men (who want children) when choosing a mate.

You assume that waiting until 32 to get married would have given you a better outcome. Perhaps you're right. But several women who've waited until mid thirties to start a family now have to deal with fertility issues in addition to the usual relationship problems that develop in marriage.

Do you think it’s better to bring children into the world with instability? Mentally and financially? Having children is great, but a faulty foundation is a disaster. If we outweigh the pros and cons, it is better to be childless knowing you did things the right way, than to bring 3/4 children into the world, and one or both parties are struggling to cope. Women in their early 20s do not adapt to motherhood/marriage well.. it almost always ends in resentment and bitterness. How can they adapt though? When their brain has not even fully developed to understand the significance of what they’re getting themselves into.

Suffering and smiling should not be our portion in this generation, we are educated and enlightened. We learn from the mistakes of our forefathers and make better choices.

At the end of the day, Nigerian men will always do what pleases them first. Even it means picking a lost 18 year old girl to marry just to reproduce. It’s the children that suffer.

olabrinks:
Do you think it’s better to bring children into the world with instability? Mentally and financially? Having children is great, but a faulty foundation is a disaster. If we outweigh the pros and cons, it is better to be childless knowing you did things the right way, than to bring 3/4 children into the world, and one or both parties are struggling to cope. Women in their early 20s do not adapt to motherhood/marriage well.. it almost always ends in resentment and bitterness. How can they adapt though? When their brain has not even fully developed to understand the significance of what they’re getting themselves into.

Suffering and smiling should not be our portion in this generation, we are educated and enlightened. We learn from the mistakes of our forefathers and make better choices.

The original post is addressed to young men who are financially ready to start a family. That's why young men should not start families until they can support children.

If you had financial issues within your marriage, you can't automatically conclude it was because you were 24. You could have married a more financially stable man at 24 and would have avoided those same issues. You probably didn't have counsel on how to vet a man who could support a family. The solution is to teach younger women on what to look for in men who come to court them for marriage.


However, telling women to wait until 35 will not guarantee they'll find a financially stable man.

NoToPile:
All right your position is duly noted, though those informed choices guarantees nothing.

If informed choices gaurantee nothing, what do uninformed choices gaurantee?

MadarasBlade:
If informed choices gaurantee nothing, what do uninformed choices gaurantee?

My point is even with an informed choice nothing is guaranteed, I personally feel marrying early is good but it still doesnt guarantee anything on this same matter.



The OP is biased (it's all over his write up) for whatever reason probably due to experiences in his line of work and well he is entitled to his bias, his way of sending his message makes me wonder.