₦airaland Forum

promisedwealth:
Good morning Great people and wonderful family, please just like the saying a problem shared it's a problem half solved.

I have been married to my wife for over 6years now we have been through all together we have two kids 4 and a year old .

my business since late 2021 has been rough I lost some money trying out a different business I'm based in the eastern part of the country.

Early last year my mother in law told my wife to come stay with her in Lagos till I can find my self again, they left imo to Lagos on feb. 2022 I have been I contact with them ever since sending money across also it happen that my wife started bringing the idea of myself joining over there in Lagos ( my in law has a little school in Lagos that has been where my wife has been teaching since she left) .

Concerning the relocation I told her it's not easy as I have to look for money to get accommodation, shop to start a business also the money will be much which I can't afford for now during someday last year I told her to come back during one of our discussion she told me she it's not coming to east again I got angry.

I noticed the mother will never allow her leave her school so I kept mute about coming back since I was neither ready yet do we kept on going no issues.

Just this april she changed, hardly pick my call,stop calling me by the pet name she does.

I tried to find out what happened, she told me she wanted a break. I was confused I tried to guess why she came up with that. she needs to seek and know if it's the will of God for our union that's after two kids .

I was lost also I have tried to restore this woman sanity since then till now I have spoken to the mother she it's not saying anything than what ever she decides it's best for her the only once telling me not to worry at the brothers but I'm worried honestly .

I don't want my kids to grow in different homes.

I also tried to make her see this same reason she told me the kids will be fine she's not looking at anything making her decision please I need advise it's my wife under a spell or what.

I don't want to raise ny kids this way please advice please....

ibinaboonline:
Permission to copy and paste on LinkedIn? Maybe Twitter too.

hopeforcharles:
Pay a visit to her see things yourself, discuss about your marriage if you see that her mind is made up don't force her,
Go back to base try and improve your finances take care of your children.
She might have moved on.

yrhuhfy113:
WOW....

Your wife is not under a spell, and you did NOTHING wrong.

what is happening is called LIFE. People's mind change when they see a better life or better people.... what is popularly known as THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE effect.

sadly they do not know that THE GRASS IS ONLY ACTUALLY GREENER WHERE IT IS WATERED. Your wife doesn't want to SUFFER with you anymore, she is wishing she was always in lagos so that she could have married someone better.... This is common when people migrate from sub-urban areas to metropolitan cities like lagos. kindly understand that its NORMAL... it is HUMAN NATURE.

I know it hurts and its not easy BUT you need to handle this matter with wisdom. Can you send someone to check on your wife's activities to be sure she is not cheating or over religious and some randy prophet is not confusing her?

Now once you have established that NO MAN is entertaining your wife... then you need to find areas in lagos according to your budget. There are places in lagos where you can pay monthly rent of between 7-11k . And there are places in lagos as high as 230k monthly... so you need not worry yourself... you can relocate to lagos based on your budget... also you need to check yourself spiritually, what could be the cause of your downward turn in business... check and solve it.

NEXT, you need to skill up sir, your current business may tie you down in the east if you do not expand your abilities mentally. THERE IS A MAJOR OPPORTUNITY SIR IN THIS ISSUE, the good news about it is that, it gives you room to reinvent yourself and grow. So don't let your wife and her mother mess up your mind sir, detach and work on yourself.... if you can learn soft skills using a laptop, it will help. If you can change your appearance and style physically, it can also help, YOU NEED TO PACKAGE YOURSELF PROGRESSIVELY.

YOU WILL COME OUT OF THIS SITUATIONS FAR BETTER SIR, but for now, for the sake of the children, this is the little wisdom you need sir to save your home. PLS VISIT LAGOS OFTEN... it is a sacrifice you will have to pay.... TRY TO MONITOR YOUR WIFE.... you can do this by cloning her whatsapp and reading all her chats or spying on her phone, so that from the east you can read all her messages, chats, get voice record of her phone calls....IT IS NECESSARY... these days, you can not just let your spouse go without some form of tracking or remote accountability .... else they will lie to your face and hurt you, then you will feel bad. So I hope these few points will help you know where to start from and what to do

Saintinoo:
You are an Igbo man, why come to nairaland to seek advice, report the matter to your Umunna, let them carry it up from there. Don't be a weak man.

Kobojunkie:
I don't know about you but weakness is exactly what you described here. Consulting outsiders when it is his relationship and life is sign of immaturity. This is an issue between himself and his wife. He needs to work with her to deal with it. Did OP also consult this ummunna when he was dating the same woman or what?

b4ball:
■ And who told you his ummuna won’t be consulted to prove strength.
■ Did he go himself to marry her? Can you actually marry a woman you are dating without your ummuna?
■ Or you think this is Europe?
■ Did he and his ummuna not jointly go to her people to pick the said lady?
■ Whichever way it pans out, they will be involved. Even if it involves termination at the magistrate, there is still the traditional return of the symbolic bride price to enable the lady remarry, so stop trying to sound woke.

promisedwealth:
Good morning Great people and wonderful family, please just like the saying a problem shared it's a problem half solved.

I have been married to my wife for over 6years now we have been through all together we have two kids 4 and a year old .

my business since late 2021 has been rough I lost some money trying out a different business I'm based in the eastern part of the country.

Early last year my mother in law told my wife to come stay with her in Lagos till I can find my self again, they left imo to Lagos on feb. 2022 I have been I contact with them ever since sending money across also it happen that my wife started bringing the idea of myself joining over there in Lagos ( my in law has a little school in Lagos that has been where my wife has been teaching since she left) .

Concerning the relocation I told her it's not easy as I have to look for money to get accommodation, shop to start a business also the money will be much which I can't afford for now during someday last year I told her to come back during one of our discussion she told me she it's not coming to east again I got angry.

I noticed the mother will never allow her leave her school so I kept mute about coming back since I was neither ready yet do we kept on going no issues.

Just this april she changed, hardly pick my call,stop calling me by the pet name she does.

I tried to find out what happened, she told me she wanted a break. I was confused I tried to guess why she came up with that. she needs to seek and know if it's the will of God for our union that's after two kids .

I was lost also I have tried to restore this woman sanity since then till now I have spoken to the mother she it's not saying anything than what ever she decides it's best for her the only once telling me not to worry at the brothers but I'm worried honestly .

I don't want my kids to grow in different homes.

I also tried to make her see this same reason she told me the kids will be fine she's not looking at anything making her decision please I need advise it's my wife under a spell or what.

I don't want to raise ny kids this way please advice please....

promisedwealth:
Good morning Great people and wonderful family, please just like the saying a problem shared it's a problem half solved.

I have been married to my wife for over 6years now we have been through all together we have two kids 4 and a year old .

my business since late 2021 has been rough I lost some money trying out a different business I'm based in the eastern part of the country.

Early last year my mother in law told my wife to come stay with her in Lagos till I can find my self again, they left imo to Lagos on feb. 2022 I have been I contact with them ever since sending money across also it happen that my wife started bringing the idea of myself joining over there in Lagos ( my in law has a little school in Lagos that has been where my wife has been teaching since she left) .

Concerning the relocation I told her it's not easy as I have to look for money to get accommodation, shop to start a business also the money will be much which I can't afford for now during someday last year I told her to come back during one of our discussion she told me she it's not coming to east again I got angry.

I noticed the mother will never allow her leave her school so I kept mute about coming back since I was neither ready yet do we kept on going no issues.

Just this april she changed, hardly pick my call,stop calling me by the pet name she does.

I tried to find out what happened, she told me she wanted a break. I was confused I tried to guess why she came up with that. she needs to seek and know if it's the will of God for our union that's after two kids .

I was lost also I have tried to restore this woman sanity since then till now I have spoken to the mother she it's not saying anything than what ever she decides it's best for her the only once telling me not to worry at the brothers but I'm worried honestly .

I don't want my kids to grow in different homes.

I also tried to make her see this same reason she told me the kids will be fine she's not looking at anything making her decision please I need advise it's my wife under a spell or what.

I don't want to raise ny kids this way please advice please....

Kobojunkie:
1. OP, rather than your mother-in-law, it may in fact be your wife who is sick and tired of living on the eastern coast, have you considered that? Have you stopped to ponder that at all? Was your wife employed and happy before she moved back to Lagos to work in her mother's school?

2. Have you tried to accord her idea the same respect — see things her way to maybe realize that her idea may be just as good or even better than yours? Or do you feel it has to be your way or the highway as far as your wife is concerned? Sounds like she may be frustrated cause you may not be listening to her at all. I think you should at least get on the same page with her, as opposed to coming up with excuses why you should not consider her plan at all. You should at least take a week or two to go visit her and the kids and talk things out with her and maybe scope out Lagos to see if it might be better to move out there with your family instead.

promisedwealth:
Good morning Great people and wonderful family, please just like the saying a problem shared it's a problem half solved.

I have been married to my wife for over 6years now we have been through all together we have two kids 4 and a year old .

my business since late 2021 has been rough I lost some money trying out a different business I'm based in the eastern part of the country.

Early last year my mother in law told my wife to come stay with her in Lagos till I can find my self again, they left imo to Lagos on feb. 2022 I have been I contact with them ever since sending money across also it happen that my wife started bringing the idea of myself joining over there in Lagos ( my in law has a little school in Lagos that has been where my wife has been teaching since she left) .

Concerning the relocation I told her it's not easy as I have to look for money to get accommodation, shop to start a business also the money will be much which I can't afford for now during someday last year I told her to come back during one of our discussion she told me she it's not coming to east again I got angry.

I noticed the mother will never allow her leave her school so I kept mute about coming back since I was neither ready yet do we kept on going no issues.

Just this april she changed, hardly pick my call,stop calling me by the pet name she does.

I tried to find out what happened, she told me she wanted a break. I was confused I tried to guess why she came up with that. she needs to seek and know if it's the will of God for our union that's after two kids .

I was lost also I have tried to restore this woman sanity since then till now I have spoken to the mother she it's not saying anything than what ever she decides it's best for her the only once telling me not to worry at the brothers but I'm worried honestly .

I don't want my kids to grow in different homes.

I also tried to make her see this same reason she told me the kids will be fine she's not looking at anything making her decision please I need advise it's my wife under a spell or what.

I don't want to raise ny kids this way please advice please....

yrhuhfy113:
Beat advise I'v ever seen on dis forum. Thanks
WOW....

Your wife is not under a spell, and you did NOTHING wrong.

what is happening is called LIFE. People's mind change when they see a better life or better people.... what is popularly known as THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE effect.

sadly they do not know that THE GRASS IS ONLY ACTUALLY GREENER WHERE IT IS WATERED. Your wife doesn't want to SUFFER with you anymore, she is wishing she was always in lagos so that she could have married someone better.... This is common when people migrate from sub-urban areas to metropolitan cities like lagos. kindly understand that its NORMAL... it is HUMAN NATURE.

I know it hurts and its not easy BUT you need to handle this matter with wisdom. Can you send someone to check on your wife's activities to be sure she is not cheating or over religious and some randy prophet is not confusing her?

Now once you have established that NO MAN is entertaining your wife... then you need to find areas in lagos according to your budget. There are places in lagos where you can pay monthly rent of between 7-11k . And there are places in lagos as high as 230k monthly... so you need not worry yourself... you can relocate to lagos based on your budget... also you need to check yourself spiritually, what could be the cause of your downward turn in business... check and solve it.

NEXT, you need to skill up sir, your current business may tie you down in the east if you do not expand your abilities mentally. THERE IS A MAJOR OPPORTUNITY SIR IN THIS ISSUE, the good news about it is that, it gives you room to reinvent yourself and grow. So don't let your wife and her mother mess up your mind sir, detach and work on yourself.... if you can learn soft skills using a laptop, it will help. If you can change your appearance and style physically, it can also help, YOU NEED TO PACKAGE YOURSELF PROGRESSIVELY.

YOU WILL COME OUT OF THIS SITUATIONS FAR BETTER SIR, but for now, for the sake of the children, this is the little wisdom you need sir to save your home. PLS VISIT LAGOS OFTEN... it is a sacrifice you will have to pay.... TRY TO MONITOR YOUR WIFE.... you can do this by cloning her whatsapp and reading all her chats or spying on her phone, so that from the east you can read all her messages, chats, get voice record of her phone calls....IT IS NECESSARY... these days, you can not just let your spouse go without some form of tracking or remote accountability .... else they will lie to your face and hurt you, then you will feel bad. So I hope these few points will help you know where to start from and what to do

BlueAir:
How do I get voice records of phone calls.im going through hell right now

nabdeck:
I love this advice
Can you advise me on some marital issues too

gabicon:
What you are experiencing is called a change of status syndrome. Your wife has been fully dependent on you, now she has left for this long and has to carve a niche for herself, thereby becoming independent. She basically has to do everything for herself and the kids which pops a question in her head "why do I need a husband?". Of course your pet name will be flushed down the toilet, pet names are emotionally given, used and driven.

You should have scheduled routine visits of maybe a fortnightly initially when they moved, she has needs, sexual emotional, financial etc, how did you intend them to be met? She will react to unmet needs. The kids will keep asking questions that she can't answer, the one year old barely knows you.

As it stands you are the key to sustaining your marriage, go to Lagos and check on your family, don't expect your wife to show you much love, at this point you have to earn her love again. Apologise for not being available. While you are in Lagos do a feasibility study of things, if you have a friend catch up with them and discuss opportunities.

Decide on what you will do should your wife be involved with another man, but don't act or take action until she confirm she is in another relationship.

hopeforcharles:
Pay a visit to her see things yourself, discuss about your marriage if you see that her mind is made up don't force her,
Go back to base try and improve your finances take care of your children.
She might have moved on.

Chummynoni:
i believe you read the story, didn’t you? They started well financially but challenges came up . There is no script for life bro

Victor2707:
Lessons for men:

Your In-laws are not your relatives.

Your wife is not your relative too. She is the mother of your children.

Stay away from your mother in-law. Leave your familiarity to greetings. The moment she encroaches your boundary, she will terrorise you and scatter your marriage.

For OP:
Leave your wife alone.

There is nothing you can do to bring her back.

Her mother is poisoning her mind.

Her mother should never have allowed her to stay.

Her mother has not business in her daughter's martial issue. She is probably divorced or not staying with her husband.

Open a bank account for your children where you save for them.

Only call them to communicate with your children and pay your children's bills (school fees and the likes). Don't ever call to your bring wife back again.

When your children are old enough, your children will look for their father.

Right now, you need to focus on yourself only.

Ignore your wife.

Stay away from alcohol and smoking.

Don't move to Lagos, if it is not part of your plan.

Be a man.

*Don't worry about your children grow up in a broke home, Just focus only on building your business.*

Adexgentle005:
I believe you read my post well didn’t you? Have multiple source of income is the key word.

promisedwealth:
Good morning Great people and wonderful family, please just like the saying a problem shared it's a problem half solved.

I have been married to my wife for over 6years now we have been through all together we have two kids 4 and a year old .

my business since late 2021 has been rough I lost some money trying out a different business I'm based in the eastern part of the country.

Early last year my mother in law told my wife to come stay with her in Lagos till I can find my self again, they left imo to Lagos on feb. 2022 I have been I contact with them ever since sending money across also it happen that my wife started bringing the idea of myself joining over there in Lagos ( my in law has a little school in Lagos that has been where my wife has been teaching since she left) .

Concerning the relocation I told her it's not easy as I have to look for money to get accommodation, shop to start a business also the money will be much which I can't afford for now during someday last year I told her to come back during one of our discussion she told me she it's not coming to east again I got angry.

I noticed the mother will never allow her leave her school so I kept mute about coming back since I was neither ready yet do we kept on going no issues.

Just this april she changed, hardly pick my call,stop calling me by the pet name she does.

I tried to find out what happened, she told me she wanted a break. I was confused I tried to guess why she came up with that. she needs to seek and know if it's the will of God for our union that's after two kids .

I was lost also I have tried to restore this woman sanity since then till now I have spoken to the mother she it's not saying anything than what ever she decides it's best for her the only once telling me not to worry at the brothers but I'm worried honestly .

I don't want my kids to grow in different homes.

I also tried to make her see this same reason she told me the kids will be fine she's not looking at anything making her decision please I need advise it's my wife under a spell or what.

I don't want to raise ny kids this way please advice please....

Kobojunkie:
I don't know about you but weakness is exactly what you described here. Consulting outsiders when it is his relationship and life is sign of immaturity. This is an issue between himself and his wife. He needs to work with her to deal with it. Did OP also consult this ummunna when he was dating the same woman or what?

ibinaboonline:
Permission to copy and paste on LinkedIn? Maybe Twitter too

Saintinoo:
■ It is either you are still young or you do not have tradition, what do you guys think TRADITIONAL wedding is all about, Adobe? Pictures?
■ In Igbo tradition, the Umunna settles such dispute by visiting the woman family to talk yo her, the Umunna went with him to marry that woman, and when such dispute about leaving her husband house comes up, they are invited, between, what do you think Umunna is, some sort of strangers?
■ These people are part of your kindred. That's how it is done in Igboland, tradition bro, tradition. Whites go to marriage counseling, that's their tradition, we to Umunna meeting, that's our tradition.

yrhuhfy113:
WOW....

Your wife is not under a spell, and you did NOTHING wrong.

what is happening is called LIFE. People's mind change when they see a better life or better people.... what is popularly known as THE GRASS IS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE effect.

sadly they do not know that THE GRASS IS ONLY ACTUALLY GREENER WHERE IT IS WATERED. Your wife doesn't want to SUFFER with you anymore, she is wishing she was always in lagos so that she could have married someone better.... This is common when people migrate from sub-urban areas to metropolitan cities like lagos. kindly understand that its NORMAL... it is HUMAN NATURE.

I know it hurts and its not easy BUT you need to handle this matter with wisdom. Can you send someone to check on your wife's activities to be sure she is not cheating or over religious and some randy prophet is not confusing her?

Now once you have established that NO MAN is entertaining your wife... then you need to find areas in lagos according to your budget. There are places in lagos where you can pay monthly rent of between 7-11k . And there are places in lagos as high as 230k monthly... so you need not worry yourself... you can relocate to lagos based on your budget... also you need to check yourself spiritually, what could be the cause of your downward turn in business... check and solve it.

NEXT, you need to skill up sir, your current business may tie you down in the east if you do not expand your abilities mentally. THERE IS A MAJOR OPPORTUNITY SIR IN THIS ISSUE, the good news about it is that, it gives you room to reinvent yourself and grow. So don't let your wife and her mother mess up your mind sir, detach and work on yourself.... if you can learn soft skills using a laptop, it will help. If you can change your appearance and style physically, it can also help, YOU NEED TO PACKAGE YOURSELF PROGRESSIVELY.

YOU WILL COME OUT OF THIS SITUATIONS FAR BETTER SIR, but for now, for the sake of the children, this is the little wisdom you need sir to save your home. PLS VISIT LAGOS OFTEN... it is a sacrifice you will have to pay.... TRY TO MONITOR YOUR WIFE.... you can do this by cloning her whatsapp and reading all her chats or spying on her phone, so that from the east you can read all her messages, chats, get voice record of her phone calls....IT IS NECESSARY... these days, you can not just let your spouse go without some form of tracking or remote accountability .... else they will lie to your face and hurt you, then you will feel bad. So I hope these few points will help you know where to start from and what to do