₦airaland Forum

jessylaurel:
With everything you have said. I didn't see where you said you asked her what's making her angry. And try to find out why. All you're concerned about is SEX and satisfaction. Weldone o because I know after she gives in to your sexual desire you will continue ignoring her without knowing why she's mad at you. You men do this alot.

Thank you.
He called to ask about his daughter only cos in his mind, they are quarreling but wifey didn't pick. What a man.

Kobojunkie:
Sex may be important but surely your partner's emotional wellbeing should rank much higher than that. Or is marriage simply about satisfying one partner's libido at the expense of the other's sanity?

We are talking here of two people who are not even in sync with each other. Or are you requesting the woman, for the sake of the man's libido, turn off her brain and lie limp in order for the man to do whatever he wants and be off? Does that sound like what you would want the woman to do?

If love means anything it's putting your partner's interest above yours and also of importance is making sure chemistry is alive.

I guess they both need some understanding at the moment. Both needs to break grounds for each other, that's what I'm driving at.

Yusufisraelj:
■ If love means anything it's putting your partner's interest above yours and also of importance is making sure chemistry is alive. I guess they both need some understanding at the moment. Both needs to break grounds for each other, that's what I'm driving at.

I would really love it if OP would invite his wife to clear the air on the tale he spun of her in the OP.

CuriousMind2022:
It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love. I am exactly in that dilemma and the question I am asking myself is whether I should continue in this loveless marriage or slowly drift and walk away.

My marriage is barely 2 years and a few months, but it has been a rough journey for me. Things I never envisaged I would experience in my marriage, I have suffered, from utmost disrespect to verbal abuse.

I came to the conclusion that she doesn't love or care about me based on what happened yesterday. I was recently transferred from my base to a new location and because of that, I would only be able to visit weekends or twice a month. Prior to that, we barely had sex once a week.

We had already had sex the normal once we usually had it (Saturday morning), but I wanted more because I will only be coming back after two weeks. I initiated a move on Sunday morning, she declined because she was thinking of preparing food for our baby before we leave for church. We went to church and came back, and as usual, my wife was in her undies (just panties and bra) in the sitting room (This was what she wore throughout that Sunday).

I watched her walk around the house in that and that even turned me on the more. I am a practicing Christian, and I try not to look after other women lustfully, but common this is my wife, even God sanctions that. After being turned on throughout the day, I went to my wife in the night, (note she slept in the sitting room with our baby leaving me alone in the room) to enjoy my conjugal rights with her, but she gave me excuses that she is upset and not in the mood.

I left and went back, seriously konjified, I managed to sleep. The next morning, I woke up with my urges and went to the sitting room to have my morning devotion, but I could barely concentrate because I was still very Hot. I explained to her that so really wants me to go to my new station like this knowing fully well I will not be coming back until 2 weeks time. This woman did not care!

I took my bath, prepared myself, and set out for my office. I was not happy with her but I kept my cool and left for work. She had demanded that I dropped some money for her before leaving and despite the fact that I was not happy with her, I dropped the money in a conspicuous place where I know she will see it before leaving. This was my own way of saying I am not happy with what you did, but I still cared.

I try to do things I usually do for my wife even when I am angry with her. This is my own way of saying I may be angry with you, but I still cared about you and I am open to a resolution. On the other hand, my wife doesn't care what happens to me when she is upset. She immediately stops cooking for me ad any other thing she does for me when she is upset. It is obvious to me now that to my wife I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. She is only caring and concerned, when she is not angry (when we are good and we don't have any issues). I believe that when you love somebody, you treat them right and show genuine love and care for them even when you're upset with them. This is what I have constantly shown to my wife in our 2+ years of marriage.

Back to my story of what happened weekend/Monday. My wife never bothered to call me to check if I arrived safely since I left the house yesterday. I even called her once (primarily to check on my daughter), but she didn't pick up and she didn't call back, and up till now, we have not spoken.

She obviously does not care whether I arrived safely in my station or not. In this country of insecurities, a family member of yours will travel and you do not care whether he/she arrived safely, that is the height for me, and in the actual sense, I should be the one upset here because she left me high and dry, despite knowing fully well I am very Hot.

I am a family-oriented person, I have always dreamt of having a peaceful, loving, and Godly home but unfortunately, the reverse is the case for my wife. I began to understand why family background is very important in a person's life, after getting married. My wife is from a family where they place little or no value on marriage. Her mother had children with 2 men, and my wife is obviously working very hard to follow that same path. She shows little or no enthusiasm in making our marriage work. I am always the one to initiate moves to resolve issues when we quarrel, whether I am right or wrong, I do not care, my focus is just on making my marriage work and my home peaceful.

This last episode shook me very hard, and I have been asking myself whether I want to continue in this loveless marriage or opt out. Working and living in a different city will even make it easier for me.

I needed to let my thoughts out and thanks to Nairaland, I have done so.

"My wife is from a family that place little or no value to marriage"

Why didn't you check her background before getting married to her? That has a way of affecting some people.


I think your wife doesn't love you from the start, she just got married to you because of material benefits.

Kobojunkie:
All I read is you equate love with sex and your wife denying you sex means she has no love for you. And you somehow think the blame should all be on her as far as all the problems you perceive in your marriage, no be so? **yawn***

sometimes u just need to stfu if you don't have anything reasonable to contribute. U must not commend on all thread. Btw, don't you have a life outside nairaland? You're always on all thread

descarado:
Teachers have suffered. 35k in present day Nigeria? Damn, you are wicked.

.
That one big ooo
Some places 20k

calmandwild101:
For how long would he continue to wait for her to grow up and know that sometime you need to break your rules for your loved one especially your partner

That is why the first step is to get her counselled.. She cares for him when she isn't upset with him. According to OP, she puts on her dismissive attitude when she is unhappy with him which shows she is just without wisdom... Counselling would hopefully help her with that wisdom. Rather than OP exercising himself in those her bad habits and charging the atmosphere of the home.

P

being:
That is why the first step is to get her counselled.. She cares for him when she isn't upset with him. According to OP, she puts on her dismissive attitude when she is unhappy with him which shows she is just without wisdom... Counselling would hopefully help her with that wisdom. Rather than OP exercising himself in those her bad habits and charging the atmosphere of the home.

And what made you think,after counseling she won’t put up this same attitude anytime she’s having issues with her husband.lemme tell you,she’s an adult she know what’s right and what’s wrong.i believe if any of her friend comes to her for marital advise she wouldn’t go this way.So,sometimes the advise we give others,we also need it as well

calmandwild101:
PAnd what made you think,after counseling she won’t put up this same attitude anytime she’s having issues with her husband.lemme tell you,she’s an adult she know what’s right and what’s wrong.i believe if any of her friend comes to her for marital advise she wouldn’t go this way.So,sometimes the advise we give others,we also need it as well

You would be surprised she doesn't.. A lot of people don't think through long term effect of their actions.... Having an elder or someone she looks up to, break it down can actually do a lot of pleasant change. Or even if she knows, that elderly talk can JOLT OUT a change.

being:
You would be surprised she doesn't.. A lot of people don't think through long term effect of their actions.... Having an elder or someone she looks up to, break it down can actually do a lot of pleasant change. Or even if she knows, that elderly talk can JOLT OUT a change.

I agreed with you partially on having an elderly one to break it down for.but do you know changing an adult is a great task.Honestly,I still stand with,sometimes eye for an eye blood for blood,then she will realize she need to drop some of her bad habits.Honestly I don’t really like taking all of person shit.i serve them more than what they served me.then peace can reign

labelle123:
.

That one big ooo

Some places 20k

I will rather enter market to sell tomatoe. Bleep white collar job.
Sorry, I'm cursing. That's unlike me as I'm fuming.

I've said it before, if I'm in Nigeria, heaven knows I will run my biz. Not ready to slave away for anybody for free when I have my head intact.
Horrible.
Masters degree holder from competitive disciplines are proud shop owners all over nigeria.
One need to be sagacious to stay above sea level in Nigeria.

She doesn’t care about you when she’s angry why are you surprised? Una dey always make me laugh for here.

Any woman that will refuse you the basic thing (even if it call) just because she’s angry, is not your wife I don’t care how sexy she appears to be or how long you’ve been dating. Una no go ever hear word.

CuriousMind2022:
It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love. I am exactly in that dilemma and the question I am asking myself is whether I should continue in this loveless marriage or slowly drift and walk away.

My marriage is barely 2 years and a few months, but it has been a rough journey for me. Things I never envisaged I would experience in my marriage, I have suffered, from utmost disrespect to verbal abuse.

I came to the conclusion that she doesn't love or care about me based on what happened yesterday. I was recently transferred from my base to a new location and because of that, I would only be able to visit weekends or twice a month. Prior to that, we barely had sex once a week.

We had already had sex the normal once we usually had it (Saturday morning), but I wanted more because I will only be coming back after two weeks. I initiated a move on Sunday morning, she declined because she was thinking of preparing food for our baby before we leave for church. We went to church and came back, and as usual, my wife was in her undies (just panties and bra) in the sitting room (This was what she wore throughout that Sunday).

I watched her walk around the house in that and that even turned me on the more. I am a practicing Christian, and I try not to look after other women lustfully, but common this is my wife, even God sanctions that. After being turned on throughout the day, I went to my wife in the night, (note she slept in the sitting room with our baby leaving me alone in the room) to enjoy my conjugal rights with her, but she gave me excuses that she is upset and not in the mood.

I left and went back, seriously konjified, I managed to sleep. The next morning, I woke up with my urges and went to the sitting room to have my morning devotion, but I could barely concentrate because I was still very Hot. I explained to her that so really wants me to go to my new station like this knowing fully well I will not be coming back until 2 weeks time. This woman did not care!

I took my bath, prepared myself, and set out for my office. I was not happy with her but I kept my cool and left for work. She had demanded that I dropped some money for her before leaving and despite the fact that I was not happy with her, I dropped the money in a conspicuous place where I know she will see it before leaving. This was my own way of saying I am not happy with what you did, but I still cared.

I try to do things I usually do for my wife even when I am angry with her. This is my own way of saying I may be angry with you, but I still cared about you and I am open to a resolution. On the other hand, my wife doesn't care what happens to me when she is upset. She immediately stops cooking for me ad any other thing she does for me when she is upset. It is obvious to me now that to my wife I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. She is only caring and concerned, when she is not angry (when we are good and we don't have any issues). I believe that when you love somebody, you treat them right and show genuine love and care for them even when you're upset with them. This is what I have constantly shown to my wife in our 2+ years of marriage.

Back to my story of what happened weekend/Monday. My wife never bothered to call me to check if I arrived safely since I left the house yesterday. I even called her once (primarily to check on my daughter), but she didn't pick up and she didn't call back, and up till now, we have not spoken.

She obviously does not care whether I arrived safely in my station or not. In this country of insecurities, a family member of yours will travel and you do not care whether he/she arrived safely, that is the height for me, and in the actual sense, I should be the one upset here because she left me high and dry, despite knowing fully well I am very Hot.

I am a family-oriented person, I have always dreamt of having a peaceful, loving, and Godly home but unfortunately, the reverse is the case for my wife. I began to understand why family background is very important in a person's life, after getting married. My wife is from a family where they place little or no value on marriage. Her mother had children with 2 men, and my wife is obviously working very hard to follow that same path. She shows little or no enthusiasm in making our marriage work. I am always the one to initiate moves to resolve issues when we quarrel, whether I am right or wrong, I do not care, my focus is just on making my marriage work and my home peaceful.

This last episode shook me very hard, and I have been asking myself whether I want to continue in this loveless marriage or opt out. Working and living in a different city will even make it easier for me.

I needed to let my thoughts out and thanks to Nairaland, I have done so.

stop caring

irepnaija4eva:
The thing is bro..
Try Get money... I'm a living testimony to this...

ok

CuriousMind2022:
You're wrong sir. My wife was very much into me before our wedding. She literally made me marry her, because at some point I began to develop cold feet. She did everything to please me, showed me love and care, and pretended to be a good girl. I would not force, cajole or entice a woman into marrying me. This is why I am asking myself if I should continue in this marriage if truly she doesn't care about me anymore. I strongly believe marriage should be between two people who are genuinely interested in being together and if it is obvious she is tired of us being together, I would be the first to excuse myself from the marriage. I just don't want to make a hasty decision, so I will still wait and be sure I am not overthinking things.

Women Love Suspense & Drama ... You Don't Demand for Sex ... Your Build Up Work-Up for Sex ....

Like Mathematics......
2y + 2y + y + 3y + 4y = 12y ....

You just don't get to the 5y ... You must Express How it gets to the 5y na so Some Women like their Mindsets to be explored One Step at a Time !

You are Dulling & Not Spicing things Up with Impatience Because Masturbation & Immediate Gratifications You receives from Instagram has wired Your Mindsets to expect Immediate Gratification from Your Wife Nahhhh...

Homegirls ain't wired that way like Video Vixens who are paid to be naked as Celebrities..... Homegirls must be lead to the spot of Boinking with Spices & Seasonings & Sweet words ....

Imagine your wife on Bra & Pants and You were Dulling....

What happened to dropping sh.its Upon Sh.its & Dirty talks right from there while crawling like agama lizards all over her ....

She did it on Purpose But the words she expected to hear were not coming from your mouths ......


Every Bodies know actors no dey die for movies na Bosse Dey die yet ... Everyone still one see action not Mere end of the movie ... The Plot that led to how actor no dey die ....

Na you get problems no be her ... Even Olo.sho wan dey hear sweet nonsense with Plots ..
..

Hello Baby, Where did u get the undies from ... They are kinda beautiful... I'm dropping more Monies for you to have some more ...

Hey, come here .. what happened to your A.ss here ... kinda somehow ... step up lemme see ... (Nothing Happen Na just drama u wan create) ... Rub Nyansh with style & Say .. ohhh, Nothing happen Na my eyes dey still double ...

But this Bra really pack ur bo.obs no be small oooo Normal Normal Na Ya Original size be this ... Spread your arms I wan check something......


Na so You go dey build nonsense plots here & There all Na all ... You already know pvssy must be fvcked that Night .....

Men Must be a Producer & an Actor to Unlock the Padlock to Pvssies which is in the Brain & Your Must also Be Diversifying, Some Women are Like That, Some are Much Easier !

You must Be able to determine your woman, Work Out the Sexual Hacks in Her ... All Women has their Weaknesses and as a Husband, Your Must know the Plugs that Sparks Your Wife !

As a Player, You Must Know Plugs that Sparks Most women ... We dey Call Am Universal Plugs na little Twerk You go just do to make am Fits Well & See flood everywhere!

Divorce is never the answer to marital problems Especially Bothering On Sexual Differnces Except all avenues has been Lost !

Safe Your Marriage, Spice Up & Be Dramatic Not Demanding & Man-Up By Being a Macho ...

Verily, She will be doing Video calls to You showing you Pimples on Her Vayjay .... Na so You go Rewire Her Brain to Bear all Out to You !

CuriousMind2022:
Her resentment actually died. At least we have gone past having physical fights in our marriage. The only thing is that she lacks enthusiasm in making the marriage work.

Before we settled after that incident, she was asked both by our Pastors and by my elder brother and his wife, if she wanted to continue with the marriage, and she affirmed yes. I just don't know why she is not ready to put in the work to make it work.

Personally, I wouldn't feel bad if my marriage collapses now, because I have done my best. And unlike last year, when I took full responsibility for our marital problems, because I knew I was largely the cause, that is not the case today, because God knows I have done my best.

Since she still wants the marriage, I would suggest you find a way to go out of town to somewhere new where you both can have real discussion. Don't be tired but rather, try to talk to her to know what you both can do to make things better and you too tell her what you both can do to make things better. There is a place of endurance in marriage and I pray all things work for you both.

CuriousMind2022:
Pocohantas, you're a very popular moniker here, so I know you very well. And I will take my time to respond to you. This is also my alternate moniker, which I created last year while my marriage was on the verge of collapsing.

You read my thread and I don't blame you for making the assumptions that you made.

March 22, 2022, is a day I will never forget in my life. On that fateful day, my wife and I had a fight and she pulled five kitchen knives on me, that she will kill me, kill herself and then call our parents to come take our baby. Unknowingly, to me, my wife whom I married had become filled with so much resentment for me. She literarily saw me as a filthy person, because of my bad habits then. I was consumed in lust and masturbation, I wake up in the mornings then and the first thing I do is to start surfing Instagram admiring all manner of women with big butts. Slowly, I became obsessed with soft porn (At the time I told myself I wasn't doing pornography because I don't watch pornstars have sex).
Thankfully, after I shared my ordeal here last year, I got to know that I was actually doing soft porn.

After the fight last year, I left my house to go live with my elder brother. I actually stayed there for about 3 weeks, before the issue was resolved and I returned back home. It took interventions from 2 of our pastors and my elder brother and his wife to resolve the issue. My wife is a sensitive person, and I didn't know she had hacked my phone and was seeing everything I was doing on the internet. She literarily knew the names of the handles, I loved visiting. This caused her to hate me so much! She didn't see the other good things I was doing. Well, I didn't really blame her for that.

After that terrible incident, I blamed myself for everything that happened. I still remember, how I wept in my elder brother's...I kept on calling my name and telling myself that see how I had allowed lust and pervasion to ruin my home. I was broken, and I cried to God to help me overcome those bad habits and restore my home. Thankfully, God help me. The first thing I had to do was to come out clean! I confessed to my pastors and my elder brother the real problem in my home.

As a Christian, I have come to know that the only way to be free from such secret and destructive sin as pornography and masturbation is by coming out publicly.

Aside from coming out publicly, I took some drastic steps. I deleted all my social media accounts (Instagram, Facebook, and even WhatsApp). I also did away with using and having a smartphone, I used torchlight for a very long time just to avoid stumbling on my triggers on the internet. Just to add, that it was also quite easy for me to overcome those bad habits of mine because I was not really an addict as my wife thought. I started masturbating when I was already a full-grown man, I loved looking at beautiful women and that was actually the part that I struggled with. But thankfully, God helped me and even now I can boldly share my story anywhere I was once trapped in the web of soft pornography, but God helped me to overcome it.

Chaiiiii, Na u be Last born For ya Family You just dey run Mouth anyhow ... Na why ur wife no dey click with You .... U be Woman

Oga Ade, Embrace Who You are ... if You be Solomon Family ... Na who you be be that... Na to Use Solomon wisdom to Manage am & Manage Your Wife Join .....

All the Deleted Social Media go be Opened Soon & You will start all Over again doing what You Do ....

Also, Go Out There & Meet Men to Build Your Manhood & Masculinity For You ....

All These Feminine Energies Men !

Have you tried communicating with her? Telling her exactly how you feel or asking her what exactly is making her upset? Does she really enjoy sex with you? What areas would she like you to improve on in terms of sexual activity?

CuriousMind2022:
It's a known fact that most Nigerian girls marry who they consider ready for marriage and not necessarily who they love. I am exactly in that dilemma and the question I am asking myself is whether I should continue in this loveless marriage or slowly drift and walk away.

My marriage is barely 2 years and a few months, but it has been a rough journey for me. Things I never envisaged I would experience in my marriage, I have suffered, from utmost disrespect to verbal abuse.

I came to the conclusion that she doesn't love or care about me based on what happened yesterday. I was recently transferred from my base to a new location and because of that, I would only be able to visit weekends or twice a month. Prior to that, we barely had sex once a week.

We had already had sex the normal once we usually had it (Saturday morning), but I wanted more because I will only be coming back after two weeks. I initiated a move on Sunday morning, she declined because she was thinking of preparing food for our baby before we leave for church. We went to church and came back, and as usual, my wife was in her undies (just panties and bra) in the sitting room (This was what she wore throughout that Sunday).

I watched her walk around the house in that and that even turned me on the more. I am a practicing Christian, and I try not to look after other women lustfully, but common this is my wife, even God sanctions that. After being turned on throughout the day, I went to my wife in the night, (note she slept in the sitting room with our baby leaving me alone in the room) to enjoy my conjugal rights with her, but she gave me excuses that she is upset and not in the mood.

I left and went back, seriously konjified, I managed to sleep. The next morning, I woke up with my urges and went to the sitting room to have my morning devotion, but I could barely concentrate because I was still very Hot. I explained to her that so really wants me to go to my new station like this knowing fully well I will not be coming back until 2 weeks time. This woman did not care!

I took my bath, prepared myself, and set out for my office. I was not happy with her but I kept my cool and left for work. She had demanded that I dropped some money for her before leaving and despite the fact that I was not happy with her, I dropped the money in a conspicuous place where I know she will see it before leaving. This was my own way of saying I am not happy with what you did, but I still cared.

I try to do things I usually do for my wife even when I am angry with her. This is my own way of saying I may be angry with you, but I still cared about you and I am open to a resolution. On the other hand, my wife doesn't care what happens to me when she is upset. She immediately stops cooking for me ad any other thing she does for me when she is upset. It is obvious to me now that to my wife I don't really matter in the grand scheme of things. She is only caring and concerned, when she is not angry (when we are good and we don't have any issues). I believe that when you love somebody, you treat them right and show genuine love and care for them even when you're upset with them. This is what I have constantly shown to my wife in our 2+ years of marriage.

Back to my story of what happened weekend/Monday. My wife never bothered to call me to check if I arrived safely since I left the house yesterday. I even called her once (primarily to check on my daughter), but she didn't pick up and she didn't call back, and up till now, we have not spoken.

She obviously does not care whether I arrived safely in my station or not. In this country of insecurities, a family member of yours will travel and you do not care whether he/she arrived safely, that is the height for me, and in the actual sense, I should be the one upset here because she left me high and dry, despite knowing fully well I am very Hot.

I am a family-oriented person, I have always dreamt of having a peaceful, loving, and Godly home but unfortunately, the reverse is the case for my wife. I began to understand why family background is very important in a person's life, after getting married. My wife is from a family where they place little or no value on marriage. Her mother had children with 2 men, and my wife is obviously working very hard to follow that same path. She shows little or no enthusiasm in making our marriage work. I am always the one to initiate moves to resolve issues when we quarrel, whether I am right or wrong, I do not care, my focus is just on making my marriage work and my home peaceful.

This last episode shook me very hard, and I have been asking myself whether I want to continue in this loveless marriage or opt out. Working and living in a different city will even make it easier for me.

I needed to let my thoughts out and thanks to Nairaland, I have done so.

This life no balance,some women would have faithful men and be messing up. It is well with her o.