Hello nairalanders, I need some advice.
My marriage is barely two years, and within these two years, my husband has been unfaithful, and has hit me sometimes. I always fight back though, so it doesn't get out of hand. I don't want to go into all the details of how I met him and ended up his wife. I sometimes regret that decision.
A while after being married, I got pregnant, but unfortunately my husband couldn't raise the money for the baby stuffs. I struggled so hard to do that myself, this was about the time I caught him cheating, I didn't waste any time to pack my things and go to my parents.
Now my problem is that he is not a provider. He stays months on end without sending anything and I am struggling so hard because I have a child to look after. He has been trying really hard to win me over after everything, and I mean it when I say he is trying hard. I married him because I thought he had purpose, but I don't know about that now because the money struggle is something else. Believe me when I say the struggle is too much for me because I don't work yet and nothing comes from his end, but he keeps apologising, saying things will get better. I want to believe him but is it not his reckless lifestyle that has kept him where he is. I need advice because I don't know if I should take him back and work with him for a better future. He has made all plans to relocate to where I am so we can start afresh, but my fear is, a man who could be cheating with the little resources we have when we had baby things to buy, can he be trusted again. I feel resentment and bitterness because I practically used all my savings for the birth and up until now, every little money I get goes towards my child's upkeep. Isn't he coming back now because he is flat broke. A man who can cheat when we could barely feed, can I really take his word for it? Do you think I should give him a chance. I am not a saint because I can be very stubborn when I know I am right, but I married him a virgin. Take into consideration that he blames me for some of his actions. Doesn't that show lack of accountability. I was very naive when I married him, otherwise I wouldn't have. There is no pleasure whatsoever in a marriage without money, moreso one with the accompanying issues mine has.

This is serious. Talk to your family members.

boldx:
This is serious. Talk to your family members.

They are in support of us getting back together, my parents at least. They all believe he will change, because he has been calling and acting good. I don't know if this is genuine, or because he is flat broke. He can't even feed himself now. I am 27, should I just leave and start over. I just wonder at the things he did when he was seeing a little money. Carrying women up and down.

Bethuel2022:
■ They are in support of us getting back together, my parents at least. They all believe he will change, because he has been calling and acting good. I don't know if this is genuine, or because he is flat broke. He can't even feed himself now. I am 27, should I just leave and start over. I just wonder at the things he did when he was seeing a little money. Carrying women up and down.

1. You are in the right to leave if that is what you want but are you ready to face life as a single mother, at least mentally? The reason is, you say you married your husband a virgin but clearly, it was not the first time for him to seek first to satisfy his dick before his stomach. You may have treasured that virginity of yours, and to have it "wasted" on a man who couldn't feed himself but is community dick only for it to end after 2 years can be devastating.

Honestly, I think you should hold off a bit longer as far as divorce. I am not saying you should move back in with him, hold off on calling it quits. He is a broke cheat so chances are he does not use protection, so there are STDs to be worried about there. Domestic violence is a big "Hell NO" for me so you shouldn't give in to living with him while you make up your mind. Also, he cannot fend for his own progeny meaning he has nothing to offer you still. So, use this and any other things you can think of in the negotiation with your family and his. Tell them you will only return to him if and only if he is able to get a good job, maintain it for at least 15 months straight, and remit necessary feeding and upkeep money for at least 12 out of those 15 months for you and the baby. Then while he works on himself, you should also take time to work on your own self to find gainful employment, so that after the 15 months is up and you no longer which to remain married, you walk away with a life already working for you.

From what you have written, you were pretty much married to yourself throughout the marriage and became a single mother when you went ahead and gave birth to your kid. You just had a "Mrs" badge to carry around with you. However, given you are without work and a way to take care of your kid, I say you spend another year, this time contemplating yourself and your circumstances, working on rebranding yourself so that should you decide to drop the "Mrs" badge, you also drop all heartaches and bitterness about your past along with it.

Bethuel2022:
Hello nairalanders, I need some advice.
My marriage is barely two years, and within these two years, my husband has been unfaithful, I was very naive when I married him, otherwise I wouldn't have. There is no pleasure whatsoever in a marriage without money, moreso one with the accompanying issues mine has.

You said "there is no pleasure whatsoever in a marriage without money" ....so what do u want to go and do in the marriage naaa?

U dont have money, he doesnt have money
.....no be trouble u wan go find....?? cos we know u women know how to deny men sex just because u can, even when they have money,
let alone the one wey no get shi shi....if he give u gbas gbos because u no let am do kèrèwáwá .... u will come back to nairaland and complain... or worse..u get pregnant again.....

Madam.....by your standard of no happiness without money....tell him u need money to be happy in marriage..... he should go and make money before coming back for you..... or he can go and marry other women that will manage him the way he is..

90% of men cheat but to be broke and still cheat is an added drawback.

In fact,what does broke men tell ladies to win their hearts and even u,what did he tell u in his brokenness that made him to impregnate u?

Take this,whether u like it or not,lack of money and money itself exposes ones true character.

Madam,u have the opportunity to change ur situation. Don't go to that man to be impregnated the second time. Nigeria situation will make things clearer after the second mistake.

Finally,u can go back to him but if his lifestyle doesn't change,pls run back.

Bye.

Bethuel2022:
There is no pleasure whatsoever in a marriage without money, moreso one with the accompanying issues mine has.

I was very naive when I married him, otherwise I wouldn't have. There is no pleasure whatsoever in a marriage without money, moreso one with the accompanying issues mine has.

No be naive make you marry him, na your love for material things. You thought he's loaded cos he pretended to be only for you to marry him come notice say nothing dey house.

No Nigerian woman can stay with a broke man for straight 24 months!

A man will be living with his jobless Nigerian wife for 15 years, providing for her needs with the kids, taking care of the wife's family in his little ways without even telling his neighbours.

But, here's a Nigerian woman that only stayed with her broke husband just for 2 years, and she's already all over the cyber space telling the world how broke and wretched the husband is.


Dear men, please when saying marital vow with your Nigerian bride, tell the officiating priest to skip the "for better for worse" gibberish. Nigerian girls don't practice that nonsense.

It's a bit complicated and no yes or no answer will be satisfactorily correct. Firstly most men cheat, so his cheating is not too gross and they cheat mostly when their wives are pregnant or nursing a baby. So I can relate with his action and will not advise a divorce on the basis of that unless you are among the modern girls. Secondly and on a more serious note if he cannot provide for his family then he is of no use having as a husband. A man that cannot provide for his family isn't a man. Not that men doesn't go broke, they do but they struggle to get back on track. But the one that is perpetually broke is a no no no. So while asking your decision, consider more about his ability to provide for his family, that is primary. If you think he can, then go back otherwise stay off.

He may or may not change. But broke family men that prioritise cheating when little money comes their way don't easily change. He either want you back as his truly loving wife or sex with you won't cost him

Your topic though. You can be a single mother and unhappy. Leaving your cheating husband will not automatically translate to happiness.

Hmmmmm....single motherhood has been a thing even before we were born. Most of those castigating women taking care of their kids on their own now had mothers who were technically single mothers because even though they had husbands in the house, they single handedly raised them. They were the provider, the supporter and disciplinarian. Most of naija men out here today castigating single mothers were raised by single mothers fa. Their mothers did it by themselves while their father watched on the side.

So would you like to be with a man who still makes you a technical single mother? Or you would like to stay on your own jejely and raise your kid? Your choice.

Let him.work.on himself and try to change first because once you enter again u might regret it please guys anyone with 1k to spare 🙏🙏 I would appreciate things just change and I don't know how to go about it even though it is 5h maybe someone else might also add 🙏🙏. Will support if I get am 2 ... Access 1221869780

Bethuel2022:
Hello nairalanders, I need some advice.
My marriage is barely two years, and within these two years, my husband has been unfaithful, and has hit me sometimes. I always fight back though, so it doesn't get out of hand. I don't want to go into all the details of how I met him and ended up his wife. I sometimes regret that decision.
A while after being married, I got pregnant, but unfortunately my husband couldn't raise the money for the baby stuffs. I struggled so hard to do that myself, this was about the time I caught him cheating, I didn't waste any time to pack my things and go to my parents.
Now my problem is that he is not a provider. He stays months on end without sending anything and I am struggling so hard because I have a child to look after. He has been trying really hard to win me over after everything, and I mean it when I say he is trying hard. I married him because I thought he had purpose, but I don't know about that now because the money struggle is something else. Believe me when I say the struggle is too much for me because I don't work yet and nothing comes from his end, but he keeps apologising, saying things will get better. I want to believe him but is it not his reckless lifestyle that has kept him where he is. I need advice because I don't know if I should take him back and work with him for a better future. He has made all plans to relocate to where I am so we can start afresh, but my fear is, a man who could be cheating with the little resources we have when we had baby things to buy, can he be trusted again. I feel resentment and bitterness because I practically used all my savings for the birth and up until now, every little money I get goes towards my child's upkeep. Isn't he coming back now because he is flat broke. A man who can cheat when we could barely feed, can I really take his word for it? Do you think I should give him a chance. I am not a saint because I can be very stubborn when I know I am right, but I married him a virgin. Take into consideration that he blames me for some of his actions. Doesn't that show lack of accountability. I was very naive when I married him, otherwise I wouldn't have. There is no pleasure whatsoever in a marriage without money, moreso one with the accompanying issues mine has.

Two options are presented here, you can continue live a hell on earth in that shambolic/pretend marriage with the irresponsible and abusive husband or you can walk out of the pretend marriage and create a better life for yourself.

Only you will make that decision for yourself.

Bethuel2022:


They are in support of us getting back together, my parents at least. They all believe he will change, because he has been calling and acting good. I don't know if this is genuine, or because he is flat broke. He can't even feed himself now. I am 27, should I just leave and start over. I just wonder at the things he did when he was seeing a little money. Carrying women up and down.

The only condition I think maybe will be ok is if he gets something doing.

Can you handle the situation if it doesn't go the way you expect.

Bethuel2022:
Hello nairalanders, I need some advice.
My marriage is barely two years, and within these two years, my husband has been unfaithful, and has hit me sometimes. I always fight back though, so it doesn't get out of hand. I don't want to go into all the details of how I met him and ended up his wife. I sometimes regret that decision.
A while after being married, I got pregnant, but unfortunately my husband couldn't raise the money for the baby stuffs. I struggled so hard to do that myself, this was about the time I caught him cheating, I didn't waste any time to pack my things and go to my parents.
Now my problem is that he is not a provider. He stays months on end without sending anything and I am struggling so hard because I have a child to look after. He has been trying really hard to win me over after everything, and I mean it when I say he is trying hard. I married him because I thought he had purpose, but I don't know about that now because the money struggle is something else. Believe me when I say the struggle is too much for me because I don't work yet and nothing comes from his end, but he keeps apologising, saying things will get better. I want to believe him but is it not his reckless lifestyle that has kept him where he is. I need advice because I don't know if I should take him back and work with him for a better future. He has made all plans to relocate to where I am so we can start afresh, but my fear is, a man who could be cheating with the little resources we have when we had baby things to buy, can he be trusted again. I feel resentment and bitterness because I practically used all my savings for the birth and up until now, every little money I get goes towards my child's upkeep. Isn't he coming back now because he is flat broke. A man who can cheat when we could barely feed, can I really take his word for it? Do you think I should give him a chance. I am not a saint because I can be very stubborn when I know I am right, but I married him a virgin. Take into consideration that he blames me for some of his actions. Doesn't that show lack of accountability. I was very naive when I married him, otherwise I wouldn't have. There is no pleasure whatsoever in a marriage without money, moreso one with the accompanying issues mine has.

We can talk, 09 07 93 8 93 00

Zonefree:

No be naive make you marry him, na your love for material things. You thought he's loaded cos he pretended to be only for you to marry him come notice say nothing dey house.

No Nigerian woman can stay with a broke man for straight 24 months!

A man will be living with his jobless Nigerian wife for 15 years, providing for her needs with the kids, taking care of the wife's family in his little ways without even telling his neighbours.

But, here's a Nigerian woman that only stayed with her broke husband just for 2 years, and she's already all over the cyber space telling the world how broke and wretched the husband is.


Dear men, please when saying marital vow with your Nigerian bride, tell the officiating priest to skip the "for better for worse" gibberish. Nigerian girls don't practice that nonsense.

Please get your facts right. I knew he wasn't doing okay financially when I met him, but he talked like someone who had purpose so I gave in. He was good, extremely good then that's why I said I was naive when I met him. If not for nativity, I should have known it was a smokescreen because nobody can be that good. I was a teacher when we got married, and I took care of all my personal bills and some household bills. He once told me I was prudent when we were dating. I thought it was a compliment, but now I know better. I am not complaining for myself. If it was me alone, I could do it without a care, but caring for a child is expensive and I have been doing this all alone. I paid for my antenatal alone.
I could easily get a teaching job as a graduate, and before you know it, home lessons, come in and I am fine. I don't need millions of naira. My sole problem is the child. Where will I drop him for the whole day. I can't afford day care. See, if I had a good job, and could hold the family, I could easily do that while he figures out what to do with his life, for instance learn a tech skill. My major problem is, judging from his antecedents, it's not a risk I am willing to take, so I want to hear other opinions.

boldx:
■ Can you handle the situation if it doesn't go the way you expect.

You mean she has already been handling it all by herself all this while?,

What if you go back to him and he gets you pregnant again, then leave you to raise the children alone?
He has not even proven to be responsible with just one child.

If he was only poor and not giving you problems, maybe it would've been easy to bear with the situation, but to be broke and still be cheating?
No money, no peace of mind? 🙄

What I can tell you is before you make any major decision, try and make something of yourself first.
Don't go and get yourself more entangled, complicating your life even more.

Reading

U wrote that u ve left home, which means you are already a single mom wherever you are.

Your expectations of marrying him wasn't met...that's where the problems started from.

Tell him to man up if he really wants you back.

You said he's trying to make you both come back together again, some men wouldn't.

He who wears the shoe, knows where it hurts.

From DM

I married a single mother and learned about a lot of different things. First, being a single mother is a tough job. I had a lot of respect for my wife when I first met her because of all the work that was involved. Also, my wife was a very focused and independent woman and did not need me to save her from being a single mother. She had a plan and was content on being single until her daughter was grown, but then we met and things changed. I’m very happy for that.

There were some challenges. First, my stepdaughter was only 2 years old at the time and I had this idea that she would put me on a pedestal knowing that I voluntarily became her father. Not only naive on my part, but selfish. In reality, I was the one that was blessed by having my stepdaughter in my life.

After we got married, I adopted our daughter and went on to have two more children. The most challenging part came when my stepdaughter became a teenager and would say things like “you’re not my real dad,” or, “you love your real children more than me.” When it first happened, it hurt me. But, I realized later that any teenager will use any weapon to hurt their parents at times when the hormones are raging.

My wife and I stood firm on raising all three of our children the same way.

Today, all of our children are in their 20’s and doing their own things. I look back and realize that there were some unique challenges in raising a step child. But, really, there are unique challenges in learning anything in life. I would do it all over again a hundred times over.

If you are a single mother, I pray that if the right guy comes along, you will know it. That it is ok to remain single if that’s God’s plan and it’s ok to marry again if that’s God’s plan. Single mothers have such an important job!

Bethuel2022:
Hello nairalanders, I need some advice.
My marriage is barely two years, and within these two years, my husband has been unfaithful, and has hit me sometimes. I always fight back though, so it doesn't get out of hand. I don't want to go into all the details of how I met him and ended up his wife. I sometimes regret that decision.
A while after being married, I got pregnant, but unfortunately my husband couldn't raise the money for the baby stuffs. I struggled so hard to do that myself, this was about the time I caught him cheating, I didn't waste any time to pack my things and go to my parents.
Now my problem is that he is not a provider. He stays months on end without sending anything and I am struggling so hard because I have a child to look after. He has been trying really hard to win me over after everything, and I mean it when I say he is trying hard. I married him because I thought he had purpose, but I don't know about that now because the money struggle is something else. Believe me when I say the struggle is too much for me because I don't work yet and nothing comes from his end, but he keeps apologising, saying things will get better. I want to believe him but is it not his reckless lifestyle that has kept him where he is. I need advice because I don't know if I should take him back and work with him for a better future. He has made all plans to relocate to where I am so we can start afresh, but my fear is, a man who could be cheating with the little resources we have when we had baby things to buy, can he be trusted again. I feel resentment and bitterness because I practically used all my savings for the birth and up until now, every little money I get goes towards my child's upkeep. Isn't he coming back now because he is flat broke. A man who can cheat when we could barely feed, can I really take his word for it? Do you think I should give him a chance. I am not a saint because I can be very stubborn when I know I am right, but I married him a virgin. Take into consideration that he blames me for some of his actions. Doesn't that show lack of accountability. I was very naive when I married him, otherwise I wouldn't have. There is no pleasure whatsoever in a marriage without money, moreso one with the accompanying issues mine has.

I promise you, I sympathize with you. But this caught my attention.

This is Gospel!

Bethuel2022:


Please get your facts right. I knew he wasn't doing okay financially when I met him, but he talked like someone who had purpose so I gave in. He was good, extremely good then that's why I said I was naive when I met him. If not for nativity, I should have known it was a smokescreen because nobody can be that good. I was a teacher when we got married, and I took care of all my personal bills and some household bills. He once told me I was prudent when we were dating. I thought it was a compliment, but now I know better. I am not complaining for myself. If it was me alone, I could do it without a care, but caring for a child is expensive and I have been doing this all alone. I paid for my antenatal alone.
I could easily get a teaching job as a graduate, and before you know it, home lessons, come in and I am fine. I don't need millions of naira. My sole problem is the child. Where will I drop him for the whole day. I can't afford day care. See, if I had a good job, and could hold the family, I could easily do that while he figures out what to do with his life, for instance learn a tech skill. My major problem is, judging from his antecedents, it's not a risk I am willing to take, so I want to hear other opinions.

You don't need other opinions before taking a decision since "going back to him is not a risk you're willing to take."

Marrying you and worst of it all having a baby when he didn't have serious means of income is something I call fraud and you're right in whatever decision you decide to take.

You sound pretty smart so he either genuinely misses you and wants you back or he is just missing his meal ticket.

It's up to you to accept him back if you think there's a frantic effort by him to turn around his current shishiless status.

If you do accept him back, you're a great soul and if you decide not to, you're still a great soul but one that simply don't tolerate rubbish.

Shalom.

Bethuel2022:
Hello nairalanders, I need some advice.
My marriage is barely two years, and within these two years, my husband has been unfaithful, and has hit me sometimes. I always fight back though, so it doesn't get out of hand. I don't want to go into all the details of how I met him and ended up his wife. I sometimes regret that decision.
A while after being married, I got pregnant, but unfortunately my husband couldn't raise the money for the baby stuffs. I struggled so hard to do that myself, this was about the time I caught him cheating, I didn't waste any time to pack my things and go to my parents.
Now my problem is that he is not a provider. He stays months on end without sending anything and I am struggling so hard because I have a child to look after. He has been trying really hard to win me over after everything, and I mean it when I say he is trying hard. I married him because I thought he had purpose, but I don't know about that now because the money struggle is something else. Believe me when I say the struggle is too much for me because I don't work yet and nothing comes from his end, but he keeps apologising, saying things will get better. I want to believe him but is it not his reckless lifestyle that has kept him where he is. I need advice because I don't know if I should take him back and work with him for a better future. He has made all plans to relocate to where I am so we can start afresh, but my fear is, a man who could be cheating with the little resources we have when we had baby things to buy, can he be trusted again. I feel resentment and bitterness because I practically used all my savings for the birth and up until now, every little money I get goes towards my child's upkeep. Isn't he coming back now because he is flat broke. A man who can cheat when we could barely feed, can I really take his word for it? Do you think I should give him a chance. I am not a saint because I can be very stubborn when I know I am right, but I married him a virgin. Take into consideration that he blames me for some of his actions. Doesn't that show lack of accountability. I was very naive when I married him, otherwise I wouldn't have. There is no pleasure whatsoever in a marriage without money, moreso one with the accompanying issues mine has.

Tell him to first work on himself to become a better person.

Tell him you believe him that things will get better but you want to see evidence of that before you can reunite with him.

Tell him you are giving him from now till December of 2023 to show genuine significant improvement in his finances, character/moral Standard, ability to take full responsibility for the care of you and the child to consider his reunion request.

The stories we read on this forum... It is easy to castigate others when you haven't walked a mile in their shoes.

Zonefree:

No be naive make you marry him, na your love for material things. You thought he's loaded cos he pretended to be only for you to marry him come notice say nothing dey house.

No Nigerian woman can stay with a broke man for straight 24 months!

A man will be living with his jobless Nigerian wife for 15 years, providing for her needs with the kids, taking care of the wife's family in his little ways without even telling his neighbours.

But, here's a Nigerian woman that only stayed with her broke husband just for 2 years, and she's already all over the cyber space telling the world how broke and wretched the husband is.


Dear men, please when saying marital vow with your Nigerian bride, tell the officiating priest to skip the "for better for worse" gibberish. Nigerian girls don't practice that nonsense.

@bold:

You guys should stop exposing your lack of knowledge on how marriage really works with this nonsense line.

Or maybe you know and just want to be irrational.

In an average marriage, a woman catering financially for the home alone is like a husband who is the sole/major provider and still the one doing all the chores while the woman does nothing.

So that your husband providing for 15 years without complaints, hope he is the one doing all/most of the chores in the home? If not, you see that the analogy doesn't make sense.

If you find a husband who can do that without complaints, let us know.

Did you conduct a "proper" wedding?

How much did you guys spend on your wedding, reception, bridal shower, photography, etc?

How can you marry someone and, after 1 or 2 years, you're already finding a way out of the marriage because of financial difficulties?

@Bethuel2022:

1. Why do your parents want you back together?

2. What has his parents/ relatives said concerning the issues?

Stevenbright:


Tell him to first work on himself to become a better person.

Tell him you believe him that things will get better but you want to see evidence of that before you can reunite with him.

Tell him you are giving him from now till December of 2023 to show genuine significant improvement in his finances, character/moral Standard, ability to take full responsibility for the care of you and the child to consider his reunion request.

This is not marriage. Things can become better in 2023 only to get worse in 2026. What then? Run back to her father's house??

Acidosis:


This is not marriage. Things can become better in 2023 only to get worse in 2026. What then? Run back to her father's house??

Do you gettt??!!!

I shivered when I read her story.