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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. (2042 Views)
Who Owns The Breasts? Is It The Father, The Mother Or The Baby? / Have You Ever Regretted Being Married To Your Partner? / Indecisive And Unhappy. Advice Pla (2) (3) (4)
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Princessdainty(m): 11:18pm On Jun 07, 2023 |
Bethuel2022:but you didn't get your facts right else you wouldn't slip for mere talks and put your uterus in a precarious situation. 1.You say he's good.. what exactly was he good at? S.xxE.x? Na wa o. 1 Like |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by olabrinks(f): 11:28pm On Jun 07, 2023 |
You’re a single mother whether you decide to stay with him or not. Don’t deceive yourself, you are a married woman by title alone. If that makes you feel better about yourself, then stay with him and manage. Men like your husband do not change, stop thinking your case will be different. No advice here will change your mind. You will still have more children for this man only to end up bitter and angry in your 40s/50s. Good luck on your journey, when you’re ready to leave you will not come here to ask us what to do. Hopefully by then it’s not too late. 4 Likes |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by izonborn098(m): 11:41pm On Jun 07, 2023 |
This matter get as e be, to be a single mother no easy again if u go fit make thing upright with him then you give him conditions and start life with him, because as for me no matter how beautiful u her i see say you have a kid i am backing off. I know what my papa pass through |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Ishilove: 11:41pm On Jun 07, 2023 |
bukatyne:He knows but chooses to be irrational. That's his MO on this forum. I never pay attention to his crap most of the time 2 Likes |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by frozen70(f): 1:28am On Jun 08, 2023 |
Bethuel2022: You know what, be prepared for part two of what made you to come out and became free from traumatic turture Use your tongue count your teeth That's a proverb 1 Like |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Acidosis(m): 6:55am On Jun 08, 2023 |
folake4u: My dear, the stories we are reading these days..! It is well. How have you been? |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by folake4u(f): 6:59am On Jun 08, 2023 |
Acidosis: The stories are scary. It is not well oh. Some people are really suffering mehn. I've been okay. You? |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Acidosis(m): 7:08am On Jun 08, 2023 |
folake4u: I know right. I have noticed a recurring pattern of marital issues related to finance on this forum. This is the second or third instance I've come across in the past 2-3 days. I hope you are jotting down some lessons? I'm okay and doing well too, thank you for asking 1 Like |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Nobody: 7:15am On Jun 08, 2023 |
Acidosis:Most are fictitious with the aim of shaming men that don't provide. |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by folake4u(f): 7:21am On Jun 08, 2023 |
Acidosis: Honestly!! I saw three similar threads earlier on and it's same pattern. Eish!! I am jotting down the lessons oh. E choke! Glad to hear that you're okay. You're welcome Sah. 1 Like |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Klass99(f): 7:55am On Jun 08, 2023 |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by AgentGoat: 7:57am On Jun 08, 2023 |
advanceDNA: Tor |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Klass99(f): 8:02am On Jun 08, 2023 |
1 Like |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by AgentGoat: 8:13am On Jun 08, 2023 |
Acidosis: Make una leave that woman. She was sweet talked into marriage by a useless fine boy wey dey spend all his resources in clothing and body cares. No career. No any visible plan for his life. I'm sure better guy dey chase am that time. she go say the boy no baff up well. Guys spending their resources on further self development without support from anyone will not look good to these kind of woman. 2 Likes |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by bukatyne(f): 10:03am On Jun 08, 2023 |
Ishilove: Really? Just thought to address that yeye thought pattern again. 1 Like |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by bukatyne(f): 10:13am On Jun 08, 2023 |
Klass99: No, it is while the woman does nothing. See the preceeding cause says a woman providing financially alone is like a husband who is the major provider and does all the chores while the woman does nothing. |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Acidosis(m): 10:16am On Jun 08, 2023 |
CuriousStudent: Hmmn... You think so? |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by bukatyne(f): 10:16am On Jun 08, 2023 |
CuriousStudent: I hope it goes beyond 'shaming' men that don't provide and instead help women to see the signs and choose well. This issue is prevalent in our society under different guises: > Lagos husbands > Abuja husbands > Men who lack financial intelligence > Lazy men not willing to work/ not willing to get their hands dirty after an unfortunate job loss > Rich men unwilling to take care of their families financially Etc. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Acidosis(m): 10:20am On Jun 08, 2023 |
folake4u: Aha... It is very very necessary, especially considering the rate with which you have encountered wealthy men lately, some of whom have even offered you a ride during heavy rain (don't ask me how I know) . It is an indication that you were not created to suffer. So I will say again, take all the necessary lessons dearie |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Acidosis(m): 10:24am On Jun 08, 2023 |
AgentGoat: Ahh how did you arrive at this conclusion, boss? In trying to offer help, I think it's important we do not become too judgmental in our approach. I am not sure she offered this detail or.....have read her story elsewhere? |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Klass99(f): 10:33am On Jun 08, 2023 |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Nobody: 10:56am On Jun 08, 2023 |
bukatyne:Off course na. I Sabi Dem, in abuja they target the daughters of rich men in that case jobs from their father-in-law is guaranteed. But on this forum, the hub of fictitious tales, many are fake stories( including males that use female monikers to talk about contemplating leaving their husbands who lost their jobs- with the aim of reinforcing the beliefs that women flee the moment husbands lose their jobs),but as you rightly said,people can learn from them still 1 Like |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Nobody: 10:59am On Jun 08, 2023 |
Acidosis: Most tales here are fictitious ( regarding the topic). But in real life,this things occur frequently. |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by folake4u(f): 10:59am On Jun 08, 2023 |
Acidosis: It's your descriptive essay on wealthy men for me. 😂😂😂😂😂But yeah, the Creator knows I'm not for suffering. I will pay attention oh. Da'alu. 1 Like |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Acidosis(m): 11:07am On Jun 08, 2023 |
CuriousStudent: The fact that these things occur frequently in real life is why I don't doubt some of these stories. However, I feel like some are overly exaggerated. When a woman says her husband provides nothing.... try and find out the meaning of "nothing." When a woman who have been married for 5 years says that her husband is useless because she singlehandedly paid the rent for last year (i.e., 2022), try and find out who paid the rent the previous years, i.e., 2021, 2020, 2019, etc. 2 Likes 1 Share |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Acidosis(m): 11:12am On Jun 08, 2023 |
folake4u: Descriptive essay I sabi your spec na.. You're welcome 1 Like |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by folake4u(f): 11:14am On Jun 08, 2023 |
1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by RightToReject(m): 11:25am On Jun 08, 2023 |
Self-deceit will always remain the worst form of deceit. You played yourself. The main problem here, aside from his alleged thoughtlessness, which is the co-main problem in the union, from the connotation of your submissions, is that you have never seen that man beyond the good he could offer you materially. You have always seen him as an object of utility. Yes, he might have been broke when you met him, just as he is still, as you alleged, but you never envisioned that it would take him time longer than it has taken to have his breakthrough. You misdiagnosed the duration his potential would start yielding positive material results while pretentiously giving him the impression that you saw him beyond being an object of utility. It is because his breakthrough seems to have taken time longer than you estimated that is the root cause of your aversion for him with his alleged thoughtlessness compounding everything - his alleged thoughtlessness is bad; he could do better. Well, if you can start seeing him beyond an object of utility and doing whatever you know is right at every given time, reconcile and go back to him, provided that he, on his part, is ready to start striving to do whatever he knows is right too. Both of you can do better. Meanwhile, it may surprise you to know that almost all of these people who have been telling you to end everything with him permanently are having it worse in their marital and/or personal lives without rocking the boats. In summary, your marriage can succeed, and you can have happiness and prosperity in it with your husband. 3 Likes |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Nobody: 11:34am On Jun 08, 2023 |
Acidosis:The bolded is as real as anything especially in Abuja. There are permanent women bread winners. Working class women in their late 30s, or high earning single moms ( in need of fatherly figure for their kids) or daughters of rich men that were pregnanted by a broke man of whom those men were forced to marry them Infact women in desperate situations marry broke men from the scratch ( not that the men lost their jobs). After a while,they get tired of shouldering the responsibility as they see their fellow women being gifted cars by the husbands. So it's very common for women to be with a man that was not providing from the onset( with hopes of a bright future). Then start resenting him later on when she sees other men taking their families to the Maldives. 3 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Nobody: 11:54am On Jun 08, 2023 |
A woman with a kid of which the husband doesn't provide for is a single mom already,the only difference is that he is living in the same house with you and the child was born in wedlock. When men talk of impressionable women or naive women,this is who they refer to; who they can deceive with a bright future talk/ prospects or invisible houses they are to inherit and the rest. If women should be naive and impressionable-then I will only suggest they marry on the guidance of their parents or respectable family members. Most men in Abuja/ Lagos do not have money or investment anywhere,is all wash. Shine your eyes. How you start with a man is how he will continue with you. If you were managing "mama put" for dates and not an exotic restaurant,even when the money comes( if at all it comes), he will not upgrade you because he believes you are used to it. Stop accepting house dates ( in which he serves you drinks he got from a party),dating without gifts,or stipends. Marriage is a continuation of dating. The standards you set in dating affects yo ur marriage. Don't marry a man with a "future money" or unaccessible money. You should see the money,feel it,spend it. ( Do not misconstrue this as rich men, but even if he is earning moderately, you should have access to it. Even if it's 1k everyday). In that case you are sure that when he gets big money,he will still give. Occupy your man with bills from the onset,so he never feels it is a norm for him to relax. Even if what he brings is little, top it up secretly, but ensure money always leaves his hands As for the op,as Poco use to say,when women are tired, no one will advise them to leave,they suddenly leave,with no turning back. So I get you have not reached your breaking point yet (if your story is true by the way) 1 Like |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Bethuel2022(f): 3:29pm On Jun 08, 2023 |
Acidosis:We didn't have a large traditional marriage. It was a very small affair. I am not one to care about such things and I wasn't bothered. I didn't want us throwing ourselves into debt because of a large ceremony. After the trade, we had a court wedding. No reception, nothing. Those aren't my concerns really. If only he had been a good husband, I would be happy. Kindness goes a long way even when there's no money. Being a bad husband, coupled with financial issues makes it very painful. I honestly do not know what it takes someone to be genuinely kind. |
Re: Being A Single Mother Or Being Married And Unhappy. by Kobojunkie: 3:36pm On Jun 08, 2023 |
Acidosis:So when you read that Osinachi was breadwinner in her home you assume she likely only paid the last year's rent as well? |
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