₦airaland Forum

ChybuzzDD:
For coming back late, and challenging the father?

An 18yr old in Nigeria is different from an 18yr old in the West.

If you believe that's what it takes to be a real man, then you're a mad man

@you are a mad man

SangoOlukosoOba:
I must commend your dad for his patience. He is a real man!

If I was your dad, you will be on a wheelchair with no arms and legs. I will report myself to the police station when I am done with you!

You have a great dad.

Why?, pls explain.

NobleSeed:
18 yrs old paying house rent and standing to his dad is now consider to be a real man.....
God forbid

That is the tragedy of it all

mariahAngel:
Sincerely apologize to your father.
You crossed the line when you rubbed the fact that you paid the rent in his face.
You hurt him deep.
Apologize and make amends.

Why will he apologise?

What did he do?

His dad should be the one apologising not him.

Welet emotions control us.
Emotions didn't make the civilised and developed world what they are but good reasoning.

If this happened in the place where I am, out of respect, he will just tell his father why he was late. He don't have to apologise. The Nigerian factor made him apologise and the man started yapping. We don't know how to train children at all. If your child is afraid of you, he already has very low self esteem.
You see what is happening in Nigeria, that's product of low self esteem.
Because he is a dad so he cannot be wrong.

That is why I said Nigeria will continue to remain in perpetual slavery cos we allow emotions rule us.

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

you still small bro, you haven't even started. keep you head well oo make the little change you dey see no come carry your head enter bush, apologize to your dad asap...

U mean Nig police go ask this? Maybe not the same police that'll first ask u what u do for a living, check ur phone/u tell them u make 50/300k a month. Ur own Don be be dat.

Zupay:
Yes, OP did wrong reminding his father he paid the house rent as a teenager which passed a judgement of failure on his dad but the father going violent on him for that, is certainly out of place, If you do such and report yourself to the police, they would first mock you with "oga you get power to beat your pikin but you no get power to pay rent".

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

All you said was because of Anger

I feel for dad when he said, when he have money he will be paying the rent

I think you should go to him to apologize to him for reminding him that you pay the rent and after that, dash him some money to go and entertain himself

Next time talk with cation

Am sure he is feeling that word

You will never understand but one day your child will do the same to you because they have some advantages over you then it will sink in fully. 18 you are still a kid. You are just getting ready to jump into the realm of men... And for him to speak about the neighbors and what they will say, know this, you are a reflection of him, if you are seen as wayward and uncontrollable they will not put the insults on you becasue you are still a child, but your parents will bare the brunt.

If your father is a good man you better apologize and try never to let such happen again, you are even lucky you have a father that is there and cares ... How I wish you know how lucky you are SMH. Don't let your financial growth get into your head... Becasue it will push you to burn bridges that you might need later when the tsunami is approaching.

The greatest mistake was to mention the house rent in the discussion and I guess he'll never accept favours from you and will be distant from you.

It's your choice to accept or reject what people think of you and not to talk back at your father for that. You could have just said ok and moved on. That would have prevented all these. You two are from different generations and you don't expect him to think the way you do.

Coming in at that time if you weren't used to, would have even put your father in panic mode and he may have been all over the compound gazing and wondering where you went to. I'm sure that didn't cross your mind. With all these missing people and rituals all around. Go and apologise to your father and move on and never brag about standing up to your father over issues like this.

He should apologies because he said he is paying the house rent.


I know it seems wrong to do so, but he should if he can.

Let me use this analogy, if let say your wife is paying the house rent, and you asked her that question, maybe you will have to apologize to your wife. I am just saying.

What i am weighing here is not the money, it is the relationship or the person he is talking to. It is no way to talk to your father or parents because you pay the bills.

These are concepts we embraced from western culture, and if its okay with us, then its fine. I am not interested in who is right or wrong, but how we can function in a healthy way in the family or society.

Maybe next time, your ten year old child will say the same to you, because these days, children are getting good jobs too. .

descarado:
Why will he apologise?

What did he do?

His dad should be the one apologising not him.

Welet emotions control us.
Emotions didn't make the civilised and developed world what they are but good reasoning.

I flipped this. If this happened in the place where I am, out of respect, he will just tell his father why he was late. He don't have to apologise. The Nigerian factor made him apologise and the man started yapping. We don't know how to train children at all. If your child is afraid of you, he already has very low self esteem.
You see what is happening in Nigeria, that's product of low self esteem.
Because he is a dad so he cannot be wrong.

That is why I said Nigeria will continue to remain in perpetual slavery cos we allow emotions rule us.

📌

franchasofficia:
The ever merciful God that I serve will never let my son be like you.


I pray everyday against this attitude in my son. My son will forever be loyal and Obidient to me no matter his financial or economic status tomorrow just as I have been to my parents despite my little success in life, and God will answer my sincere prayers, AMEN.


Dear Lord, please may I never witness a better yesterday till I join you after I have clocked 90yrs in good health.



May I continue to have more than enough to take full responsibility of my fatherly responsibilities to my biological and adopted children, husband responsibilities to my wife, sibling responsibilities to my siblings, uncle responsibilities to my nieces, nephews, son's responsibilities to my amazing parents, to my fathers in the Lord, to you my able God and to the house of God, my neighbors, to my community, employees, business partners and to everyone I come across.


Listen, I made my first millions before I turned 18 and I submitted the whole of it to my elder sibling to manage.


I am approaching 40yrs now, I am married with kids, I am an employer of labor, a lot of people work for me both at home and at my offices. I can say I have tried in my own little way at my age but guess what? I am still loyal and obedient to my father's counsel even though he doesn't live with me and he is above 80yrs and now residing in the village.


Whenever I travel home, I dare not leave my own house after 6pm without telling my aged father where I was going cos he will be worried.


Even at my level and status in life, I don't keep late night, and if for any reason I have to, I must call my wife and inform her.


This your unruly attitude is one of the things that scares me about sending my kids abroad soon, though I trust the God I serve to help me train them while I do my best. Your action towards your father was so so bad and unruly I must tell you. Even well trained white kids don't do this to their parents, its only common among black kids abroad, especially those born in US and UK.


Young man, go back to your father and kneel down and apologize to him today, don't let another night pass before you do that or else, you maybe tampering with your future growth and lifespan.

He dishonored his father.

descarado:
Why will he apologise?

What did he do?

His dad should be the one apologising not him.

Welet emotions control us.
Emotions didn't make the civilised and developed world what they are but good reasoning.

I flipped this. If this happened in the place where I am, out of respect, he will just tell his father why he was late. He don't have to apologise. The Nigerian factor made him apologise and the man started yapping. We don't know how to train children at all. If your child is afraid of you, he already has very low self esteem.
You see what is happening in Nigeria, that's product of low self esteem.
Because he is a dad so he cannot be wrong.

That is why I said Nigeria will continue to remain in perpetual slavery cos we allow emotions rule us.

DamianDd:
My dad is a really good guy, I love him so much and he's gentle most times. Though he gets angry sometimes but he's reasonable about everything he does.

I came home 11:30 which is very late and I knew that and I even hated it too that I came home this late so I was trying to avoid him even when he asked to come to his room because I had a gut feeling that things won't gi right.

But I ended up going to get my charger that was with him, then for the first 5 minutes in he was making sense about why I came home late and I was agreeing to it that it's true

Then all of a sudden he starts saying "what will people think?" "Neighbors are watching" "they'll start saying god forbid, like father like son" "I nor fit let my pikin be like this boy" "which kind family be this, see when their son dey come house?" "People are watching, people are judging" and even more words and it started getting annoying to me, then he said they will say "see when this small pikin dey come house"

It was at that moment that I shut it down, I've never been that way to him but it was so infuriating, I told him I'm not a child I'm 18 which is legal age, I work for my money, I make 50k to 300k a month on my own; no neighbors give me food when I'm hungry, the landlord doesn't clean my eyes when they hurt from viewing my phone too much so I don't give a Bleep what they think of me. I told him to not put all those orientations in my head because it affected me alot when I was younger and it made me timid and shy and scared of being myself or having different opinions and that's what I'm trying to fix in myself and my mindset now.

What I do feel bad about is last year I paid for the house rent and packing when I had alot of money, I brought it up when I was talking to him and said "I paid for this house with my own money so who is landlord or the neighbors for me to be sacred to come in and out of my own home, I know what I did is wrong and I'm sorry but don't put those bad thoughts in my head" I shouldn't have said that though by bringing up what I did for family. He only called me back and said "don't worry I won't talk to you anymore until I use my own money to pay for the house next time" I didn't say anything because i know I was wrong and nothing good would come out of talking back, I just left his room.



What's your thoughts on the matter?

At 18, you stood up to ur daddy cos u are making small change. You must be a bastard. So ur father cannot monitor ur movements again cos u are already 18. Maybe u can boldly tell me what u are doing for a living

No one has asked the Young man the kind of job he does that earn him up to 300k every month and at 18.Dey play

franchasofficia:
The ever merciful God that I serve will never let my son be like you.


I pray everyday against this attitude in my son. My son will forever be loyal and Obidient to me no matter his financial or economic status tomorrow just as I have been to my parents despite my little success in life, and God will answer my sincere prayers, AMEN.


Dear Lord, please may I never witness a better yesterday till I join you after I have clocked 90yrs in good health.



May I continue to have more than enough to take full responsibility of my fatherly responsibilities to my biological and adopted children, husband responsibilities to my wife, sibling responsibilities to my siblings, uncle responsibilities to my nieces, nephews, son's responsibilities to my amazing parents, to my fathers in the Lord, to you my able God and to the house of God, my neighbors, to my community, employees, business partners and to everyone I come across.


Listen, I made my first millions before I turned 18 and I submitted the whole of it to my elder sibling to manage.


I am approaching 40yrs now, I am married with kids, I am an employer of labor, a lot of people work for me both at home and at my offices. I can say I have tried in my own little way at my age but guess what? I am still loyal and obedient to my father's counsel even though he doesn't live with me and he is above 80yrs and now residing in the village.


Whenever I travel home, I dare not leave my own house after 6pm without telling my aged father where I was going cos he will be worried.


Even at my level and status in life, I don't keep late night, and if for any reason I have to, I must call my wife and inform her.


This your unruly attitude is one of the things that scares me about sending my kids abroad soon, though I trust the God I serve to help me train them while I do my best. Your action towards your father was so so bad and unruly I must tell you. Even well trained white kids don't do this to their parents, its only common among black kids abroad, especially those born in US and UK.


Young man, go back to your father and kneel down and apologize to him today, don't let another night pass before you do that or else, you maybe tampering with your future growth and lifespan.

May God increase your knowledge and understanding!

I think, he is also boasting, like, hey people, hey community, i finally stood up to my Father. It was like he was looking forward to this day.

Alright, if this is one of his achievement, perhaps as a man, then mark it well.

Zico5:
At 18, you stood up to ur daddy cos u are making small change. You must be a bastard. So ur father cannot monitor ur movements again cos u are already 18. Maybe u can boldly tell me what u are doing for a living

kernniejay:
This is the result of a woke generation. Sad enough, some bandits above are commending Op for talking back on his father, this is the kind of society we now find ourselves. Because you are 18 and you pay family house rent, so you now have power to talk back at your father or come late at night, what happens if you are as rich as Wizkid? May be you will be asking your parents to prostrate for you to greet you every morning or you will be asking the whole street to lie down for you to walk on their back.
Anyway, in all you do, don't forget karma.

As in!

Just because he's making money now, he thinks he's now the big man!

ChybuzzDD:
For coming back late, and challenging the father?

An 18yr old in Nigeria is different from an 18yr old in the West.

If you believe that's what it takes to be a real man, then you're a mad man real mad man

Fixed.

xavuv:
Lol 😂 i remember, many years ago, when i was preparing for my bach eve. Popsy called me and said that he heard my siblings talking about me & friends arranging bach eve. I said yes, that correct. He said i should not do it, and if i must it must not be a night party, that we should do it like 12pm-4pm, and that there should not be any alcoholic drinks and stuffs like that.

With an innocent look, i said OK, i have heard. I left his presence.

Omo, the party loud gang, college chicks, booze, DJ music, food, smoke plenty well well, even my brothers inlaw came around and enjoyed themselves. Started the party around11 pm and ended like 4am ( on the wedding day).

Poppsy got a wind of how the party went and all that. Popsy didn't even mention it again till date.

What I'm saying is.... If possible do not engage ur popman in disrespectful arguments. "OK sir, yes sir, no wahala", should be your response when you went to his room that night, or whenever stuffs like this wants to happen.

Just be a good person and be moderate in your doings, he won't bother you again.

Abi now. My own father still wanted to be controlling me in the house I built with my money, in front of my wife and kids. Will I fight him? I will say "yes sir" and go back to doing what I wanted to do. Of course, e still get some waka wey I no go waka when he's with me.

nedu666:
U don't understand. His anger with his father is that he was brought up to be shy and timid because of words used by his father. The shyness and timidity is affecting him, the talk of paying rent is outburst caused by his anger towards his parents. Many parents raise up shy and timid children who later in life blame and resent them for their situation.

Thank you very much.
This is why I'm raving.
This guy was already hurt by his father as a child and is on his way to recovery and the father want to start again?


Nigerian men please learn how to relate with your kids so Nigeria will recover. Our recovery starts from the family.
I thought I was doing well as a parent until I left Nigeria. Your child's number one friend is the parents.
They will ask them something like this.
Write what you love about your best friend.
Heaven help you as a parent, your child didn't write about any of you. That's the beginning of secret investigation you will never know about.

They will tell you that children need CONFIDENCE more than grade. What has grade without confidence gotten us as a country, nothing.
Those with confidence still rule us by proxy.

You are not God yet prayed that your son will never be like him? See how too emotional some parent like you can be on a random forum, ignorantly placing limitation on your son. Who says your son's glory even reach hin own. Silly woman.

franchasofficia:
The ever merciful God that I serve will never let my son be like you.


I pray everyday against this attitude in my son. My son will forever be loyal and Obidient to me no matter his financial or economic status tomorrow just as I have been to my parents despite my little success in life, and God will answer my sincere prayers, AMEN.


Dear Lord, please may I never witness a better yesterday till I join you after I have clocked 90yrs in good health.



May I continue to have more than enough to take full responsibility of my fatherly responsibilities to my biological and adopted children, husband responsibilities to my wife, sibling responsibilities to my siblings, uncle responsibilities to my nieces, nephews, son's responsibilities to my amazing parents, to my fathers in the Lord, to you my able God and to the house of God, my neighbors, to my community, employees, business partners and to everyone I come across.


Listen, I made my first millions before I turned 18 and I submitted the whole of it to my elder sibling to manage.


I am approaching 40yrs now, I am married with kids, I am an employer of labor, a lot of people work for me both at home and at my offices. I can say I have tried in my own little way at my age but guess what? I am still loyal and obedient to my father's counsel even though he doesn't live with me and he is above 80yrs and now residing in the village.


Whenever I travel home, I dare not leave my own house after 6pm without telling my aged father where I was going cos he will be worried.


Even at my level and status in life, I don't keep late night, and if for any reason I have to, I must call my wife and inform her.


This your unruly attitude is one of the things that scares me about sending my kids abroad soon, though I trust the God I serve to help me train them while I do my best. Your action towards your father was so so bad and unruly I must tell you. Even well trained white kids don't do this to their parents, its only common among black kids abroad, especially those born in US and UK.


Young man, go back to your father and kneel down and apologize to him today, don't let another night pass before you do that or else, you maybe tampering with your future growth and lifespan.

descarado:
Why will he apologise?

What did he do?

His dad should be the one apologising not him.

Welet emotions control us.
Emotions didn't make the civilised and developed world what they are but good reasoning.

I flipped this. If this happened in the place where I am, out of respect, he will just tell his father why he was late. He don't have to apologise. The Nigerian factor made him apologise and the man started yapping. We don't know how to train children at all. If your child is afraid of you, he already has very low self esteem.
You see what is happening in Nigeria, that's product of low self esteem.
Because he is a dad so he cannot be wrong.

That is why I said Nigeria will continue to remain in perpetual slavery cos we allow emotions rule us.

The way you're talking it's either you grew up in an orphanage or your grew up with parents that contributed nothing to your growth at all.

Perhaps so.

Rayban25:
The way you're talking it's either you grew up in an orphanage or your grew up with parents that contributed nothing to your growth at all.

SeriouslySense:
Perhaps so.

Because he is spewing a lot of serious garbage

Don't mind the worthless thing.

Zico5:
At 18, you stood up to ur daddy cos u are making small change. You must be a bastard. So ur father cannot monitor ur movements again cos u are already 18. Maybe u can boldly tell me what u are doing for a living

Youthful exuberance

SangoOlukosoOba:
I must commend your dad for his patience. He is a real man!

If I was your dad, you will be on a wheelchair with no arms and legs. I will report myself to the police station when I am done with you!

You have a great dad.

He is 18. You are assuming his dad can physically beat him up.
I'm not surprised his dad is poor. That's exactly what his type of attitude leads to and he's trying to pass it on to his son and the poor kid instinctively knows it's wrong and resisting.
OP, my advice, be very respectful towards your dad but be away from him as much as you can. Move out of his house as soon as you can afford it. The greatest gift you can give yourself is freedom from what people think. He is unfortunate to have the opposite and he's doing his best to pass it on to you!

you showed so much disrespect to your dad.yes ,you paid the house rent and so what?he gave a candid advice so you can mend your ways.you stood your ground and challenged him.it is not right.apologise to him and stop keeping late nights for your own safety

at least you agreed that he is under the roof of his father and should adhere to the values of his dad, until he can move out.

PoliteActivist:
He is 18. You are assuming his dad can physically beat him up.
I'm not surprised his dad is poor. That's exactly what his type of attitude leads to and he's trying to pass it on to his son and the poor kid instinctively knows it's wrong and resisting.
OP, my advice, be very respectful towards your dad but be away from him as much as you can. Move out of his house as soon as you can afford it. The greatest gift you can give yourself is freedom from what people think. He is unfortunate to have the opposite and he's doing his best to pass it on to you!

Rayban25:
The way you're talking it's either you grew up in an orphanage or your grew up with parents that contributed nothing to your growth at all.

Why do you have to make it about him? Why not simply address his points?

wahles:
He is from a different time, You know this. He is a good man as you have said. You should apologize. Even at 40 you are still his kid and he would look out for you. 11:30 is not a decent time, maybe next time you put a call through to the house if you were running late, that’s another way you could have handled it. You should apologize.

I wish my father was still alive so I could apologize for all the things I did to him, especially how I took him to an event in his car but left with the car to go and join my friends who were protesting a rigged election result. I left my father to use public transport back home. Another occasion I begged him to allow me use his car after taking him to an occasion and back, but he refused so I left the car outside the compound refusing to drive inside and park well. May God forgive me and continue to grant my father eternal rest.

The part i find inappropriate is where he tells father that he pays the house rent.

He is lacking emotional awareness, and how words can destroy. Because he is still very young and still full of himself for now.

If anything happens to him, if he is in a really bad situation, who will help him, is it not his parents who will come to his aide firstly.

Rayban25:
Because he is spewing a lot of serious garbage