Samantha124:
I'm sorry to say this, but your husband is childish.

If he was my husband and he starts emotionally blackmailing me like that by refusing to leave those police cells... I was going to leave him there until the police kick him out, or until he decides to leave.

As long as I'd have apologized to him and explained the reason why I got him arrested, I'd have left him there with his childish tantrums.

Maybe it's because I don't tolerate nonsense.

People like you are the reason why so many women make serious mistakes in life. I'm sure you don't have a husband, even if you have, the guy will be regretting his life now.
Women of your likes, their brothers are always riff-raffs. May God save good men from women like you.

Kobojunkie:
Now wait a minute.... is the best a man going through a hard time can do to turn his wife into a punching bag?

It's never a good idea to leave the man a this point in time, he needs his wife though his attitude is bad at the moment, let her help him find solutions

Kobojunkie:
Again, Stop fooling yourself! The moment you tailor the counseling to suit your religious/traditional idea, it ceases to be professional and becomes religious hogwash!

I bet your kind would not be happy if you found yourself sitting down to be counseled by a so-called professional who had no problems introducing ideas from his own religion — say Islam or traditional beliefs— into each session. But here you pretend it is all good to do so if the so-called professional claimed to be of Christian leanings. Nonsense!

You only pretend what I say is vulgar because you know it is a fact.

You talk too much

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/faith-based-counseling/#:~:text=Faith%2Dbased%20psychology%20refers%20to,who%20identify%20as%20Christian%20Psychologists.

Read and learn. Bye

UnfairLife7:
you go chop watery beans tire for kirikiri maximum prison. Na people like you plenty for there sha.

You don't know anything

Samantha124:
What if she couldn't escape and he killed her?

Then she couldn't have been able to get to the police station. Her escape is what led her to the station

Men will always be men. Women? Running from pillar to post looking for validation to justify what you did. This is your version not his. Madam pack out of that house, you guys are done. He will kill you no doubt.

[quote author=Kobojunkie post=125293098] Your so-called bigger picture is culled from a delusion that stems from a low level of social intelligence. The moment you tackle that problem, you will probably begin to see that the gender world, particularly where women are concerned are in fact not as black and white as you pretend. You cannot speak for anything except for yourself in your delusion. [/quote

Please stop the social one thing, who ever told u a man is different from a woman. Good night Please. Enjoy ur stand. The literature has changed. If a woman wants to be a man ok the man and woman relationship is actually in black and white. U really upcoming

]

Persephone1:
May we not marry a boy man

Dear Op, my people have an adage it is: Aiki lo kabo ile ejo , ka tun sore. It means we don't come back from court to become friends. Arresting your husband may be right or wrong but what happens when he is released?
If you were arrested as a wife, will you be happy with your husband and let everything go back to normal when you are released?
Especially in this part of the world.

If you still want a happy marriage after a dispute, police station should not be an option. In the sight of the law, you are right but culturally you are not.

Get elders to speak to him, I hope he listens. May God help you. This matter deep i can't think straight self

Much as i condemn what the man did but she was totally way way wrong. She could have reported to an elder.
Let me tell you, there was a time i was thrown into police cell overnight only because i was arguing with a police man in his police station. He slapped me and i promptly returned the slap very heavily wey be say the man confuse for like 30 seconds. His colleagues then said i assaulted an officer in his office.
Throughout that night in cell, alot of thoughts ran through my mind how i will deal with that officer once i go out. I took his service number but i later abandon my journey to implicate him.
You see dat cell ba, the place don reset her husband head and the man don arrange how em go dey relate with his wife for life. All he will ever tell his friends is... "My wife throw me inside cell" and he will never forget or forgive that.

You didn't do anything wrong. Don't feel guilty or allow yourself to be blackmailed. He is just being unappreciative. Beating you for what?? Sad that some men are here, defending the man. As a man, when you fall, you pick up the pieces and work towards getting your feet back. Here, he saw an ATM machine in you and relaxed.....this is the reason why most women hardly reveal their earnings to their husband....The quality of men these days is becoming terribly low.

That's why she did the right thing.

BennyDGreat:


Then she couldn't have been able to get to the police station. Her escape is what led her to the station

Verokeena:

Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

This part got me laughing.
I know that men could be insecure when wives are the ones providing for the family. But losing job shouldn't make him become useless for himself, his kids and you. That shouldn't make him become irritable, violent, destructive. He's being childish. He's lucky to have a wife that could rise to the occasion and willing to do just that as long as it takes.
Ignore him, his sense will come back in due time

UnfairLife7:
because i know how violence men are to women. Domestic violence, rapist, assault, robbery, cyber fraud, pick pocket, hooligans et al. All these are men handwork

Try dey talk true no matter how bitter it is

Shut up!

Amen..

Mboi:

People like you are the reason why so many women make serious mistakes in life. I'm sure you don't have a husband, even if you have, the guy will be regretting his life now.
Women of your likes, their brothers are always riff-raffs. May God save good men from women like you.

Focusmind:
You didn't do anything wrong. Don't feel guilty or allow yourself to be blackmailed. He is just being unappreciative. Beating you for what?? Sad that some men are here, defending the man. As a man, when you fall, you pick up the pieces and work towards getting your feet back. Here, he saw an ATM machine in you and relaxed.....this is the reason why most women hardly reveal their earnings to their husband.... The quality of men these days is becoming terribly low.

Lol. We could say the same thing for women

Kobojunkie:
So why exactly do you feel guilty for having him arrested for 2 days? Would this all had gone better if he had taken to smashing your head after smashing everything else?

Now that you are obviously aware the man has taken to acting out violently, don't you think it makes sense at this point to distance yourself and your kids from him instead of worrying whether he is in speaking terms and if he has eaten or not? Please, separate yourself from that man asap. The space might do him a whole hell of good..

Well said.

Usually when it gets to this point...that's the last straw. Separation aka DIVORCE

But if I'm the man hitting my wife, I'll advice her to get me arrested to restrain me.
It is the right thing to do.

A reasonable man should be able to live above this.
The police are just reminding him to be disciplined and act within the law.

It's a mindset something.
The police is not your enemy.
Every thing is not violence.

Her using the police against him, doesn't mean he cannot use the police against her someday.
The police is for everybody.
It doesn't really give her an upper hand.

Take responsibility for your error, forgive yourself, ask for your wife's forgiveness too...and go back to being a loving/supportive father and husband.

Dogalmighty17:
You arrested and lucked up your husband for 2 days? No one is dumb here ma. No right thinking woman just suddenly locks up her husband. Was there food in the kitchen for him when he came home? Did you cook for yourself and just the children?

There are other crises resolution and mediation channels available to resolve issues within spouses. Did you explore any of them?

You most probably had nurtured this thought of locking your husband up for a while. You also most probably have mocked him in your actions and your words.

Madam, you don buy market o! I assure you of this, your husband will never forgive you. The day that man gets a job and finds his feet you will be the one begging for divorce.

I am not making excuses for him. Your husband is going through serious depression. No man wants to not be able to provide for his family. The present economy doesn't help at all. You could have handled the situation better.

YOU HAVE SAID IT ALL...That family will NEVER be the same again. I hope the op gets to read your response without bias.

Bennysam:

You don't know anything

yes i know i don't know anything and i wish not to know anything

If you like beat your wife, you go sleep for cell for days. If your wife is too naive to stand for herself your neighbours will do that for her free of charge

Dey play

Age is nothing but a number and respect is earned.

You can't expect me to respect you as my elderly while you're acting childish, and if my actions were wrong, my family wouldn't have supported me and she wouldn't have apologized.

darealez:
Nah, I presume your sister is elderly. People who overlook the overbearing excess of their kiddlings are.

Any man that raises his hand in a woman, no matter what, is a coward, secondly, any man that can not take care of his family is worse than an infidel, but, this is just one side of the story anyway, but, as long as he has refused to provide for his family job or no job, he is completely at fault, if he had gotten something doing, and start ti contribute to the upkeep of the family no matter how little, this woman will not complain. That man should be ashamed of himself. Also, madam, I know that you are not completely innocent too, and arresting your husband and locking him up for 2days is taking the matter too far. It would have been better to involve your extended family rather than call the popo

PastorFire4Fire:


Much as i condemn what the man did but she was totally way way wrong. She could have reported to an elder.
Let me tell you, there was a time i was thrown into police cell overnight only because i was arguing with a police man in his police station. He slapped me and i promptly returned the slap very heavily wey be say the man confuse for like 30 seconds. His colleagues then said i assaulted an officer in his office.
Throughout that night in cell, alot of thoughts ran through my mind how i will deal with that officer once i go out. I took his service number but i later abandon my journey to implicate him.
You see dat cell ba, the place don reset her husband head and the man don arrange how em go dey relate with his wife for life. All he will ever tell his friends is... "My wife throw me inside cell" and he will never forget or forgive that.

That's exactly what he needed

UnfairLife7:
if you like beat your wife, you go spend days for cell. If your wife is too naive to stand for herself your neighbours will do that for her free of charge.

Dominic violence is a No

Them never born woman wey go raise her head while I talk self, she dey mad ni? I am married for 10yrs and I have never raised my hand on her, I don't support domestic violence against any gender, but if my wife should try this shit, sorry I will ensure ensure her brain go back to factory default..Better remain a baby mama and stay your lane

MyExpression:


Well said.

Usually when it gets to this point...that's the last straw. Separation aka DIVORCE

But if I'm the man hitting my wife, I'll advice her to get me arrested to restrain me.
It is the right thing to do.

A reasonable man should be able to live above this.
The police are just reminding him to be disciplined and act within the law.

It's a mindset something.
The police is not your enemy.
Every thing is not violence.

Her using the police against him, doesn't mean he cannot use the police against her someday.
The police is for everybody.
It doesn't really give her an upper hand.

Take responsibility for your error, forgive yourself, ask for your wife's forgiveness too...and go back to being a loving/supportive father and husband.

LOl

You think average naija men are reasonable or reasons like you? Check out how some of them are hyperventilating over her post. They see nothing bad in violence. At least some of them if not most hit their wives at home. They do that easily because they know they got married to naive women who can't stand up for themselves. These same calibre of men wouldn't even dare try that the moment they get to Murtala international airport. A sane person should know domestic violence is a No. I do not care what led to that.

Verokeena:
Good afternoon Nl family
Please pardon my epistle

My husband lost his job two years ago and ever since he has been so reluctant on getting another.. not to brag but I can say I have been the one keeping the family going ever since the job incidence (not like I ever complained) .

What I noticed about him is he now drinks and smokes and he is always hissing (obviously he is not happy and I try to always console him just to elate his Spirit)

Fast forward to last two months.. I got back from work and I was very tired.. I had to go pick the kids from school , bathe them, feed them and to make matters worst I wasn't feeling too alright .. (when I got home he (my husband) wasn't at home)

When I was done with the kids and fixing the house I was so tired I thought to myself to take a lil nap that was how I slept off (and this was around 9pm) ..

He got back around 10pm obviously drunk and smelling like a skunk.. he went straight to the kitchen. That was how the whole problem started.. first was insult.. then my phone, smashed it on the ground later my clothes he started tearing them .. saying all those things he was destroying was why I was feeling untouchable that he knows I have male friends sleeping with me..

I tried securing my items so he doesn't destroy more things that was how he pounced on me..

The next day I got him arrested he spent two days there.. but now I feel so guilty... He doesn't talk to me anymore.. I have apologized times without number

I don't just know what to do...


Nb: even while he was there I was still taking food to him

Oppression!!!

Alusiizizi:


What are you thanking her for? Trust me, the likes of KoboJunkie or whatever her name is would be the last sort of people to be taking advice from. You will need to move back home with your Father and give some space, all that while, hoping that he gets his act together and accepts you back, but trust me, that one incident of you calling in armed policemen to manhandle your own husband will be the bane of your marriage for as long as it lasts. If you are a wise woman, you will devise ways to compensate for his eternal resentment of you, for the sake of your children.

You are 100% right, i am not sure that guy/girl is an African or maybe he/she is always doing that under the influence of weed.

The op has lot it all for good. If you investigate the genesis of this problem, you will realise it won't pass denying him of sex. Women have this stupid mentality that the moment you can't provide for them at home, you have no reason to control them again. Also, majority of this kind of women are chronic cheaters.

If you check her post very well, you will see where her husband accusing her of having extra-marital affair. The moment a man started suspecting his wife of cheating, just know she has been denying him sex or being unnecessarily rude. She may not be cheating but her action will say otherwise in the mind of her husband.

Getting him arrested and locked for two days has cemented his perspective about her. She should just give him a space first as you suggested.

Dogalmighty17:
You arrested and lucked up your husband for 2 days? No one is dumb here ma. No right thinking woman just suddenly locks up her husband. Was there food in the kitchen for him when he came home? Did you cook for yourself and just the children?

There are other crises resolution and mediation channels available to resolve issues within spouses. Did you explore any of them?

You most probably had nurtured this thought of locking your husband up for a while. You also most probably have mocked him in your actions and your words.

Madam, you don buy market o! I assure you of this, your husband will never forgive you. The day that man gets a job and finds his feet you will be the one begging for divorce.

I am not making excuses for him. Your husband is going through serious depression. No man wants to not be able to provide for his family. The present economy doesn't help at all. You could have handled the situation better.

The man sef is a good man sef.

He would have just quitted that house sef.

I don't understand the purpose of punishing a man who, according to your narration, drinks excessively.

Marrying an alcoholic only to later express dissatisfaction when faced with abusive behaviours, raises questions about the expectations and choices within relationships.

People don't just get drunk because they lose their jobs (it's a lie they sell to Nigerians in movies). People get drunk because they have always been drunkards.

How can you expect sanity from a mix of frustration (that comes with job loss) and drunkenness? What do frustrated drunkards do? Speak in tongues?

You obviously went too far given the choices you made.

OZIOGU1:


Them never born woman wey go raise her head while I talk self, she dey mad ni? I am married for 10yrs and I have never raised my hand on her, I don't support domestic violence against any gender, but if my wife should try this shit, sorry I will ensure ensure her brain go back to factory default..Better remain a baby mama and stay your lane

you go sleep for cell tire. You try any shit related to domestic violence. Even your neighbours will help her out free of charge.

UnfairLife7:
The man deserves more than that. He has been without job for 2 years and all he could do was to drink, smoke, destroy his wife stuff and even went as far as hitting her.

I am a man and i will keep saying it, we men can't take half of what we dish out to women.

These same men cannot try all these nonesense in developed countries. Naija na shithole truly. Too many things wrong about the country

Obviously not married bro. Easier said than done. Apologies in advance.

BennyDGreat:


Then she couldn't have been able to get to the police station. Her escape is what led her to the station

Or maybe she call the police with another person phone...na one of her customers.
That's what the husband was suspecting....wetin give you moral?

That's another angle of thought which I'm not exploring...buh, dangers of one-sided story

Dear Verokeena, your husband is going through depression. Some men do commit suicide during this period. It's a sad thing not to be able to feed one's family especially as the bread winner of the house.

You were so wrong in locking him up. Someone like me is Lily livered and won't dare such but I will simply leave the house for him.

Gather his friends and your friends for a little surprise. Get a cardboard written am sorry my precious prince or any sweet name you can think of. Pls forgive me, design another card board that will read she is so sorry, pls forgive het. Get his close friends to call him home maybe feigning trouble in the house as soon as he opens the door, let your friends hold the other cardboard out to him so he can read what is written on it, then kneel and apologize to him promising not to repeat such . Let your friends join you in apologising to him.

Men are big babies. You both need to support each other in this tinubulation period. I don't know if this my imagination is good enough but I believe that it will help you. Married Guys in the house should put me right if this my plan is terrible.

albert2512:


Obviously not married bro. Easier said than done. Apologies in advance.

if you like beat your wife, you go sleep for cell for days. Even if your wife is too naive to stand for herself your neighbours will do that for her free of charge before her family will descend on you

Of course you would know about the high cases of GBV in SA because most SA women would report it.

But we wouldn't know anything about GBV cases in Nigeria because you guys see it as a normal thing, hence most of your women don't report it.

And if your Nigerian women don't report it, there wouldn't be any case to know about.

You guys are not even afraid to beat up your women in front of a camera for everyone to see, because you know that nothing is gonna happen to you.

Styluss:
Oh I forgot, you are a South African. My babe told me about the rate of Femicide in there, Yall have so many principles and the guys still kill for fun.
Begs for the reason why there are lots of single mothers roaming in S.A.