₦airaland Forum

Buffalo2:
The attention you supose to give your mum based on all her efforts on you is what you are giving your dad, that's why you are having it rough.

I messed up not gonna lie. Shouldn't have given him a chance

adspelite:
You had good jobs your lil sis wasn't trained, you invested badly, you got yourself back on track your baby bro is a snare to you.
*Bro* Even You need JESUS

Oh my lil sis eventually went to school forgot to mention it. She has established her business and is doing well now. I have been working on myself too

Simple!!

Cut that man and his son off from your life completely and focus on your mom and sister ELSE you would end up frustrated and most likely in trouble from false allegations from your brother.

phkka1:
Too long a story to be understood. Is your father a Christian?

No, he is a Senior Pastor going into the world, preaching the ungospel

millstone:
Good day nairalanders,

APOLOGIES FIRST CAUSE MY STORY LONG SMALL!!!

In 2007 my parents divorced, part of the reasons was my Dad's infidelity and abusive nature towards my mom and siblings. My Dad is an Evangelist, a once prominent one before the divorce and had workers both male and female working for him from drivers to pastors and he occasionally has affairs with his female workers, this usually makes the male workers back then to walk out on him after discovering this. There were three of us all born in the 90s so we witnessed my dad's growth as well as his abuses towards my mom as well as occasional affairs with his workers which would always results in fights between my mom and him, on one occasion in 1997 my mom found out about his affairs and took three of us to Ibadan to live with his Boss at that time Rev. Wale Oke who warned him and sent us back home, on arrival my dad nearly killed my mom and it was an elderly neighbor and his family back then that beat him up before he stopped. 2004 my parents had the fourth child my baby brother and the following year they had a fight again after my mom caught him in office with his then secretary and he beat her up along with her sister and my elder sister for confronting him.

He continued working with this his secretary and also having affairs with other ladies. 2006 my mom found out and they had a big fight which shattered the church they had back then, we weren't also sparred from his wrath. To make matters worse he would come to the church announcing the closure of the church and removal of my mom as an ordained Pastor despite the fact that she went to Redeem Christian Church Pastoral school, the people did not accept his demands citing his infidelity. December 2007 they had another big fight and they finally divorced. My Dad seized my 3 year old brother, against court order, and relocated to South Africa and Kenya. I and my two sisters stayed with my mom and she did the best she could running the church and providing meals, after attempts to punish failed my dad then took care of our education fee while still keeping my brother away from us and parading around the country and other African countries with this his secretary as his wife, soon after she had a daughter for him. My mom struggled to raise us right and to her defense she really did her best but I had to deal with the anger and bitterness on my own path, weed and alcohol was my escape and soon after I was lured into prostitutes during the 2go era by a guy i met online, I was 18 when this happened, my family didn't know about this, I graduated best student in my faculty and got great jobs in both the private and finally the public sector. Save to say I do not let this habits affect my inputs at work or relationship with people.

My elder sister graduated successfully got high flying jobs and married a big shot, they're doing fine with kids now. My younger sister was the victim in all this as my dad refused to train her through school. During my school years I reconnected with my dad and brother only to find out my brother had been raised believing my dad's secretary to be his mom and the daughter from their affair his only sibling. My dad has raised him with the idea that he is the only son and even when we reconnected would believe the words of a 9 year old even though this boy can lie just to get what he wants from my dad and he would believe it.

2015 after graduation and my sister's marriage we fell out and even without his support i got jobs in places that needed high connections and even started three different businesses with my vices unknown to my family members. 2020 some elders in the family stepped in to settle the issues between my dad and my siblings and in that five year period thankfully we have all done well for ourselves without him. In 2021 i took some high end loans from the office and made some other investments but they went wrong and that is were I shot myself in the foot. By 2022 the pressure on me was too much and i had to go to my dad's place pending when i sort myself out and man i saw shege pro-max. I recently sorted myself out and moved out of his apartment.

For my Dad 2014 the secretary had to leave him when he was becoming abusive and her family objected their union as she was the cause of his divorce, she went along with their daughter which he has refused to carter for. That same year he married a younger lady but the marriage did not last a year, he then had another woman who they were together for a year it was this woman that caused our rift in 2015 and i left him, he then started an affair with a woman from Kenya that ended just last year while sending her monthly upkeep and paying for her rent in a luxury apartment in Kenya. January of this year he started an affair with another elderly female Pastor in Abuja and they began living together until it ended in April. May 2023 he went to Benue and once again married another lady who he just met( note in all of this his fornication his excuse is always "The Spirit of God spoke to him that this is his wife" like WTF!!!).

Now my brother was supposed to further his study 2021 but my dad and him and a silly plan to send him to the UK to play football, without any proper training. This went on for almost a year before he was hurriedly enrolled in a private university but we found out he had used the money meant for his school fees (over 400k) partying with friends and impressing his girlfriend. Now my sisters and I found out and reported it to my dad. This guy denied it and now turned the blame on me that I have been taking him round hotels to carry babes and party. Despite the fact I gave this boy a chance during the investigation to come clean that we are aware that he possibly flunked school and want honesty from him but he denied it. Now my dad is defending this boy, he's 19 o and supposed to be heading to 300L, and attacking me. My brother knows about my habits and is using this as his alibi putting the blame on me that I got him involved with my habits and even though I have cautioned him several times, attempted to guard him in academics because I struggled heavily in my 100L due to family issues( I wasn't even involved in marijuana or alcohol by then) he still went out with friends who ate his school fees with him and not theirs. Now Baba is blaming me for spending the boy's fees when my work schedule would not even allow me teach him bad habits. I found out he does drugs and even deals on harder substances that I dread from. My Dad is not holding him accountable for his actions rather as he always does blames every misfortune that comes on me or my mom. Now we had a big fight on the phone and I am ready to cut the two of them off for good. Between 2015-2020, before they both came into my life I was doing very well without their drama and distractions. At one time in 2021 my Dad even dumped this boy on me while he spends money bringing his woman from Kenya going round the country parading her as his wife and living in luxury hotels and all kind of silly antics, she's a Pastor ,and refused to support back then while I look after this boy. That period was when my investments was going down and I was even admitted in the hospital after having a heart condition that scared me and the doctors. To cover my medical bills, keep ,myself afloat and take care of my brother in my custody that period I had to sell my car which further worsened my financial condition.

THIS MAN HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT CHAOS, A FRAUD, A STAIN ON WHAT CHRISTIANITY IS AND WORSE OF IT ALL WILL DESTROY HIS FAMILY IF GIVEN THE CHANCE. 2020 after reconciliation I had a big fight with my younger sister because of this man and not until last year I settled with my sister and this man was not even happy with the peace I made. He wants to use me to attack my Mom and my sisters and only when he sees you are against them would he embrace you. I want to cut him off completely as between 2015-2020 I witnessed personal, financial and spiritual growth as opposed to having him in my life and his attempt to control me into self destruction. The depressions I had got worse with him and I had to fall into weed and booze to escape the madness. However I am recovering and pulling myself together and do not intend to bring him back to my life.

I think u have a mental problem. Ur family too is seriously sick. Unfortunately u all will blame everyone else except urself.

Ur father is the root cause. But u have an opportunity to fix things if u want.

I dare suggest u are already taking after Ur father without knowing it.

The way you turned out to be successful despite the rough and chaotic condition you found yourself in while growing up shows that you are a strong man. My advice is that your father is not qualified to be called a pastor,father, or leader. I'm sorry to say this but he has lost control over his penis and may likely affect your younger brother. Speaking out of experience, your brother is the next episode of your dad. Thank you and have a lovely day

I fully support earlier contributors who advised that you cut yourself away from this family confusion.

But it seems your mum would need your support.

Beyond that, you also need counseling. You have experienced so much trauma that you need professional help to deal with it because if you don't, it would spill into your marriage and negatively impact your children

Just give your dad a little space to have peace for yourself, if he change accept him if he didn't just forget about him and heaven wil not fall.

Hmm
They don't worth the stress. Just cut them out of your life.

PINKY: Firstly,

Cut All Connections with Every Negative Energy around You and Your Life will be better again. Forgive Them While You Do This so that Your Mind can be at rest.

I guess BRAIN will have something to say.



BRAIN: You See, You Claim Your Father is A Scam Under Christianity. In Actual Sense, Christianity itself is A Scam Tool Used To Control People.

So, If The Foundation is Faulty, What Can The Righteous Do ?

Many Pastors are Flirts Too. Their Wives Just Cover Them Up. It is Natural for Men To Have Multiple Sex Partners. It is Normal for Women Too. However - Under The Institution of The Christian Marriage - The Plot To Kill These Natural Instincts and Sexual Drives of Men and Women is Not Working for Many People because They Can Never Build Up Their Sexual Discipline To Control Their Multiple Sexual Drives.


So, Don't Blame Your Father.


His Nature is Against His Chosen Profession, Hence - The Confused Philandry Life.


I'm Sure He Must Be Counting His Regrets By Now. But, Such Men Never Change. They are Too Old Too Change. He is already deeply wired into Manipulations and Confusions.


So, Move On with Your Life.

And Don't Look Back.

yahoodetector:
Hmmm!

Having read your story, I have made my deduction thus:

Street runs in your family among the males...a lion cannot give birth to a goat. Na him fellow lion e go born! So like father like sons.

Your introduction into alcoholism, drug use and prostituting rings no be your papa attitude lead you into am...e dey run for your family! That is why that your 19 year old brother join cos he was watching your father run things.

Your papa like fast life but he carry church and being minister of gospel dey cover him iniquities... reason why I don't go to any damn church!

Your dad's concubine (his secretary) knew fully well that he is a married man and was still opening kpekus for him and even travelled out with him. Wetin woman dey do woman. Now she don receive her own karma.

In short, Devil just carry your family play 10sure odd and all enter.

The only advice I will give you is to amend your ways, cut off entirely from your old man...pray that God blesses you and become successful...take care of that poor old woman who is your mother and make her proud...then marry and have kids but don't be abusive to your wife like your father.

OP seems to be female.

yahoodetector:
Hmmm!

Having read your story, I have made my deduction thus:

Street runs in your family among the males...a lion cannot give birth to a goat. Na him fellow lion e go born! So like father like sons.

Your introduction into alcoholism, drug use and prostituting rings no be your papa attitude lead you into am...e dey run for your family! That is why that your 19 year old brother join cos he was watching your father run things.

Your papa like fast life but he carry church and being minister of gospel dey cover him iniquities... reason why I don't go to any damn church!

Your dad's concubine (his secretary) knew fully well that he is a married man and was still opening kpekus for him and even travelled out with him. Wetin woman dey do woman. Now she don receive her own karma.

In short, Devil just carry your family play 10sure odd and all enter.

The only advice I will give you is to amend your ways, cut off entirely from your old man...pray that God blesses you and become successful...take care of that poor old woman who is your mother and make her proud...then marry and have kids but don't be abusive to your wife like your father.

Funny I've discussed this with my brother about this and how we should be mindful. One of the reasons why i feel a total disconnect from them will help me

Clashhh1:
See better family wey prick wan destroy! This story na "Omo". It's just sad how your dad allowed his third leg take the lead in his life cus it's very obvious he's got no control over it. He ruined everything and the sad reality is that you CANNOT completely cut them off.

I'll suggest you keep your distance and respond to anything from afar. Take care of your mom and look after your immediate siblings + disregard whatever your dad says or does cus your papa na Manipulator wey sabi play mind game with people not considering the mental damages they go through.

Pastor for that matter? Well na title wey anybody fit give himself sha.


And lastly, cut down on alcohol/drugs, focus on your business/Job

I hope you heal from this trauma

Thanks for this

Myer:
So sorry about all you've been through.
You're simply a product of a marriage od 2 unequally yoked people.
You've not said much about your mom but I perceive she is a true child of God (wheat) but married a tare.

Your dad is not even a Christian to begin win. He may be a believer but not a Christian. The difference is in the fruits they bear.

I'm glad you're in a better place but, more importantly this salvation things is a personal race.
We simply have to pray for others and do our part in preaching to them.

You need to cut off your dad for now. Forgive him for the pain he's caused you, your mom and your siblings.
Intercede for him if perhaps God will have mercy on him and he still has a shot at salvation.

Love your mom. She has really tried. She will make a good marriage counsellor now because she will be preaching and counselling from wealth of experience, if she has indeed learnt the needed lesson. And not preaching from regret and bitterness. She should find a place in her heart to forgive your dad to even if she doesn't talk to him. She can pray for him too. It will bring her inner peace.
Let her know that him leaving her was actually God setting her free from the bondage she got herself into.

Please re-educate your life to Christ.
Ensure you are baptised in the Holy Spirit.
The absence of the Holyspirit indwelling is why we often resord to substances to fill the void.

You are the Son of a Pastor (your mom) certainly you have a calling even though it might not be the pulpit.
Be intentional to know Christ personally, not as a religious but as your LORD and Savior. Your guide and teacher through life.

I'm sure being a pastors son, you know this things. When you receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit, Word will become Flesh in you. It goes from being a head knowledge to a reality and lifestyle.
Give yourself time to grow. Don't be in a hurry to be successful, to be a pastor, to marry. Pressure will come but the Prosperity of your soul is primary.

Thanks for sharing your story, this honesty will by God's grace help others speak out too.
I pray by this time next year, we will hear a good testimony concerning you and your household in Jesus name. Amen.

Thank you for this. I hope I can grow positively and heal from this too. Thank you
Also my Mom is doing well now. She's running the church and even has her own building. She never remarried stating her life right now is for her kids and grand kids

I Can relate! You have to heal but the first
route to do that is forgiveness.

millstone:
My younger sister is doing very fine now thank you. She has her business running and finally went back to school trained by my mother and elder sister. For my brother I'm giving him and my father the much needed space

You male, or female?

Myer:
So sorry about all you've been through.
You're simply a product of a marriage of 2 unequally yoked people.
You've not said much about your mom but I perceive she is a true child of God (wheat) but married a tare.

Your dad is not even a Christian to begin win. He may be a believer but not a Christian. The difference is in the fruits they bear.

I'm glad you're in a better place but, more importantly this salvation thing is a personal race.
We simply have to pray for others and do our part in preaching to them.

You need to cut off your dad for now. Forgive him for the pain he's caused you, your mom and your siblings.
Intercede for him if perhaps God will have mercy on him and he still has a shot at salvation.

Love your mom. She has really tried. She will make a good marriage counsellor now because she will be preaching and counselling from wealth of experience, if she has indeed learnt the needed lesson. And not preaching from regret and bitterness. She should find a place in her heart to forgive your dad too even if she doesn't talk to him. She can pray for him too. It will bring her inner peace.
Let her know that him leaving her was actually God setting her free from the bondage she got herself into.

Please re-dedicate your life to Christ.
Ensure you are baptised in the Holy Spirit.
The absence of the Holyspirit indwelling is why we often resort to substances to fill the void.

You are the Son of a Pastor (your mom) certainly you have a calling even though it might not be the pulpit.
Be intentional to know Christ personally, not as a religion but as your LORD and Savior- Your guide and teacher through life.

I'm sure being a pastors son, you know these things. When you receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit, Word will become Flesh in you. It goes from being a head knowledge to a reality and lifestyle.
Give yourself time to grow. Don't be in a hurry to be successful, to be a pastor, to marry. Pressure will come but the Prosperity of your soul is primary.

Thanks for sharing your story, this honesty will by God's grace help others speak out too.
I pray by this time next year, we will hear a good testimony concerning you and your household in Jesus name. Amen.

Thank you for this. I hope I can grow positively and heal from this too. Thank you

PrimadonnaO:
You male, or female?

Male

Elsueno:
Mr millstone, it seems to me, U are just to desperate for LOVE & affection from ur toxic papa..And him dey use am to manipulate u well well as u seem not to be able to think for yourself. Wetin be ur problem sef...why u dey chuvk ur head for ur pops business & him family despite him showing no sign of changing his ways dat destroyed ur family & divorced ur mom.

Anyways ur an adult sha, u go learn from experience

We were very close to my dad growing up. With his flaws before the drama he really knew how to take care of his family. We never lacked anything, like I said I grew up around alot of the influential men you see on TV today so forgive me for missing the man my father was supposed to be

theophorus:
He's Right.
Sit and evaluate your Life and actions and You will realize you only went to Church but was never a Christian.

If you are a Son of God, definitely the Holy Spirit will lead you into the Will of the Lord.

#Selah.

Appreciated

PrimadonnaO:
OP is female.

Male

PrimadonnaO:
OP is female.

Reading is one thing... COMPREHENSION of what you read is another.

Go back and read the article CAREFULLY again.

Solsix:
You have him and u are still into hook up??

why do thou seekest violence where none is required?

Why bad things always happened to good people?

Your mother took you and your siblings to live with her boss in Ibadan? Since you’ve grown older, don’t you see any wrong in that? Why didn’t she go to her parents house, and if she didn’t have any, why didn’t she go to her friends house.

Please move on with your life. This life no get part 2. I have not seen a word I will use to qualify your dad.

millstone:
Good day nairalanders,

APOLOGIES FIRST CAUSE MY STORY LONG SMALL!!!

In 2007 my parents divorced, part of the reasons was my Dad's infidelity and abusive nature towards my mom and siblings. My Dad is an Evangelist, a once prominent one before the divorce and had workers both male and female working for him from drivers to pastors and he occasionally has affairs with his female workers, this usually makes the male workers back then to walk out on him after discovering this. There were three of us all born in the 90s so we witnessed my dad's growth as well as his abuses towards my mom as well as occasional affairs with his workers which would always results in fights between my mom and him, on one occasion in 1997 my mom found out about his affairs and took three of us to Ibadan to live with his Boss at that time Rev. Wale Oke who warned him and sent us back home, on arrival my dad nearly killed my mom and it was an elderly neighbor and his family back then that beat him up before he stopped. 2004 my parents had the fourth child my baby brother and the following year they had a fight again after my mom caught him in office with his then secretary and he beat her up along with her sister and my elder sister for confronting him.

He continued working with this his secretary and also having affairs with other ladies. 2006 my mom found out and they had a big fight which shattered the church they had back then, we weren't also sparred from his wrath. To make matters worse he would come to the church announcing the closure of the church and removal of my mom as an ordained Pastor despite the fact that she went to Redeem Christian Church Pastoral school, the people did not accept his demands citing his infidelity. December 2007 they had another big fight and they finally divorced. My Dad seized my 3 year old brother, against court order, and relocated to South Africa and Kenya. I and my two sisters stayed with my mom and she did the best she could running the church and providing meals, after attempts to punish failed my dad then took care of our education fee while still keeping my brother away from us and parading around the country and other African countries with this his secretary as his wife, soon after she had a daughter for him. My mom struggled to raise us right and to her defense she really did her best but I had to deal with the anger and bitterness on my own path, weed and alcohol was my escape and soon after I was lured into prostitutes during the 2go era by a guy i met online, I was 18 when this happened, my family didn't know about this, I graduated best student in my faculty and got great jobs in both the private and finally the public sector. Save to say I do not let this habits affect my inputs at work or relationship with people.

My elder sister graduated successfully got high flying jobs and married a big shot, they're doing fine with kids now. My younger sister was the victim in all this as my dad refused to train her through school. During my school years I reconnected with my dad and brother only to find out my brother had been raised believing my dad's secretary to be his mom and the daughter from their affair his only sibling. My dad has raised him with the idea that he is the only son and even when we reconnected would believe the words of a 9 year old even though this boy can lie just to get what he wants from my dad and he would believe it.

2015 after graduation and my sister's marriage we fell out and even without his support i got jobs in places that needed high connections and even started three different businesses with my vices unknown to my family members. 2020 some elders in the family stepped in to settle the issues between my dad and my siblings and in that five year period thankfully we have all done well for ourselves without him. In 2021 i took some high end loans from the office and made some other investments but they went wrong and that is were I shot myself in the foot. By 2022 the pressure on me was too much and i had to go to my dad's place pending when i sort myself out and man i saw shege pro-max. I recently sorted myself out and moved out of his apartment.

For my Dad 2014 the secretary had to leave him when he was becoming abusive and her family objected their union as she was the cause of his divorce, she went along with their daughter which he has refused to carter for. That same year he married a younger lady but the marriage did not last a year, he then had another woman who they were together for a year it was this woman that caused our rift in 2015 and i left him, he then started an affair with a woman from Kenya that ended just last year while sending her monthly upkeep and paying for her rent in a luxury apartment in Kenya. January of this year he started an affair with another elderly female Pastor in Abuja and they began living together until it ended in April. May 2023 he went to Benue and once again married another lady who he just met( note in all of this his fornication his excuse is always "The Spirit of God spoke to him that this is his wife" like WTF!!!).

Now my brother was supposed to further his study 2021 but my dad and him and a silly plan to send him to the UK to play football, without any proper training. This went on for almost a year before he was hurriedly enrolled in a private university but we found out he had used the money meant for his school fees (over 400k) partying with friends and impressing his girlfriend. Now my sisters and I found out and reported it to my dad. This guy denied it and now turned the blame on me that I have been taking him round hotels to carry babes and party. Despite the fact I gave this boy a chance during the investigation to come clean that we are aware that he possibly flunked school and want honesty from him but he denied it. Now my dad is defending this boy, he's 19 o and supposed to be heading to 300L, and attacking me. My brother knows about my habits and is using this as his alibi putting the blame on me that I got him involved with my habits and even though I have cautioned him several times, attempted to guard him in academics because I struggled heavily in my 100L due to family issues( I wasn't even involved in marijuana or alcohol by then) he still went out with friends who ate his school fees with him and not theirs. Now Baba is blaming me for spending the boy's fees when my work schedule would not even allow me teach him bad habits. I found out he does drugs and even deals on harder substances that I dread from. My Dad is not holding him accountable for his actions rather as he always does blames every misfortune that comes on me or my mom. Now we had a big fight on the phone and I am ready to cut the two of them off for good. Between 2015-2020, before they both came into my life I was doing very well without their drama and distractions. At one time in 2021 my Dad even dumped this boy on me while he spends money bringing his woman from Kenya going round the country parading her as his wife and living in luxury hotels and all kind of silly antics, she's a Pastor ,and refused to support back then while I look after this boy. That period was when my investments was going down and I was even admitted in the hospital after having a heart condition that scared me and the doctors. To cover my medical bills, keep ,myself afloat and take care of my brother in my custody that period I had to sell my car which further worsened my financial condition.

THIS MAN HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT CHAOS, A FRAUD, A STAIN ON WHAT CHRISTIANITY IS AND WORSE OF IT ALL WILL DESTROY HIS FAMILY IF GIVEN THE CHANCE. 2020 after reconciliation I had a big fight with my younger sister because of this man and not until last year I settled with my sister and this man was not even happy with the peace I made. He wants to use me to attack my Mom and my sisters and only when he sees you are against them would he embrace you. I want to cut him off completely as between 2015-2020 I witnessed personal, financial and spiritual growth as opposed to having him in my life and his attempt to control me into self destruction. The depressions I had got worse with him and I had to fall into weed and booze to escape the madness. However I am recovering and pulling myself together and do not intend to bring him back to my life.

you mumu
Why I said you mumu

Is weed and alcohol take away ur issues noo
It will only make it worse

Cut everything that has to do with ur dad


Focus on building ur self

Omoo i been think say dysfunctional dey my family..

This is really heart breaking. Most times we are better off cutting off some people from our lives but we always dread the consequences. If being on your own gives you peace, please do it without looking back. Your peace of mind matters a lot and lastly stop doing drugs.

Bro! What are you saying?

Let me link you up with a serious christian brother for a marriage.08063741763