Good day nairalanders,

APOLOGIES FIRST CAUSE MY STORY LONG SMALL!!!

In 2007 my parents divorced, part of the reasons was my Dad's infidelity and abusive nature towards my mom and siblings. My Dad is an Evangelist, a once prominent one before the divorce and had workers both male and female working for him from drivers to pastors and he occasionally has affairs with his female workers, this usually makes the male workers back then to walk out on him after discovering this. There were three of us all born in the 90s so we witnessed my dad's growth as well as his abuses towards my mom as well as occasional affairs with his workers which would always results in fights between my mom and him, on one occasion in 1997 my mom found out about his affairs and took three of us to Ibadan to live with his Boss at that time Rev. Wale Oke who warned him and sent us back home, on arrival my dad nearly killed my mom and it was an elderly neighbor and his family back then that beat him up before he stopped. 2004 my parents had the fourth child my baby brother and the following year they had a fight again after my mom caught him in office with his then secretary and he beat her up along with her sister and my elder sister for confronting him.

He continued working with this his secretary and also having affairs with other ladies. 2006 my mom found out and they had a big fight which shattered the church they had back then, we weren't also sparred from his wrath. To make matters worse he would come to the church announcing the closure of the church and removal of my mom as an ordained Pastor despite the fact that she went to Redeem Christian Church Pastoral school, the people did not accept his demands citing his infidelity. December 2007 they had another big fight and they finally divorced. My Dad seized my 3 year old brother, against court order, and relocated to South Africa and Kenya. I and my two sisters stayed with my mom and she did the best she could running the church and providing meals, after attempts to punish failed my dad then took care of our education fee while still keeping my brother away from us and parading around the country and other African countries with this his secretary as his wife, soon after she had a daughter for him. My mom struggled to raise us right and to her defense she really did her best but I had to deal with the anger and bitterness on my own path, weed and alcohol was my escape and soon after I was lured into prostitutes during the 2go era by a guy i met online, I was 18 when this happened, my family didn't know about this, I graduated best student in my faculty and got great jobs in both the private and finally the public sector. Save to say I do not let this habits affect my inputs at work or relationship with people.

My elder sister graduated successfully got high flying jobs and married a big shot, they're doing fine with kids now. My younger sister was the victim in all this as my dad refused to train her through school. During my school years I reconnected with my dad and brother only to find out my brother had been raised believing my dad's secretary to be his mom and the daughter from their affair his only sibling. My dad has raised him with the idea that he is the only son and even when we reconnected would believe the words of a 9 year old even though this boy can lie just to get what he wants from my dad and he would believe it.

2015 after graduation and my sister's marriage we fell out and even without his support i got jobs in places that needed high connections and even started three different businesses with my vices unknown to my family members. 2020 some elders in the family stepped in to settle the issues between my dad and my siblings and in that five year period thankfully we have all done well for ourselves without him. In 2021 i took some high end loans from the office and made some other investments but they went wrong and that is were I shot myself in the foot. By 2022 the pressure on me was too much and i had to go to my dad's place pending when i sort myself out and man i saw shege pro-max. I recently sorted myself out and moved out of his apartment.

For my Dad 2014 the secretary had to leave him when he was becoming abusive and her family objected their union as she was the cause of his divorce, she went along with their daughter which he has refused to carter for. That same year he married a younger lady but the marriage did not last a year, he then had another woman who they were together for a year it was this woman that caused our rift in 2015 and i left him, he then started an affair with a woman from Kenya that ended just last year while sending her monthly upkeep and paying for her rent in a luxury apartment in Kenya. January of this year he started an affair with another elderly female Pastor in Abuja and they began living together until it ended in April. May 2023 he went to Benue and once again married another lady who he just met( note in all of this his fornication his excuse is always "The Spirit of God spoke to him that this is his wife" like WTF!!!).

Now my brother was supposed to further his study 2021 but my dad and him and a silly plan to send him to the UK to play football, without any proper training. This went on for almost a year before he was hurriedly enrolled in a private university but we found out he had used the money meant for his school fees (over 400k) partying with friends and impressing his girlfriend. Now my sisters and I found out and reported it to my dad. This guy denied it and now turned the blame on me that I have been taking him round hotels to carry babes and party. Despite the fact I gave this boy a chance during the investigation to come clean that we are aware that he possibly flunked school and want honesty from him but he denied it. Now my dad is defending this boy, he's 19 o and supposed to be heading to 300L, and attacking me. My brother knows about my habits and is using this as his alibi putting the blame on me that I got him involved with my habits and even though I have cautioned him several times, attempted to guard him in academics because I struggled heavily in my 100L due to family issues( I wasn't even involved in marijuana or alcohol by then) he still went out with friends who ate his school fees with him and not theirs. Now Baba is blaming me for spending the boy's fees when my work schedule would not even allow me teach him bad habits. I found out he does drugs and even deals on harder substances that I dread from. My Dad is not holding him accountable for his actions rather as he always does blames every misfortune that comes on me or my mom. Now we had a big fight on the phone and I am ready to cut the two of them off for good. Between 2015-2020, before they both came into my life I was doing very well without their drama and distractions. At one time in 2021 my Dad even dumped this boy on me while he spends money bringing his woman from Kenya going round the country parading her as his wife and living in luxury hotels and all kind of silly antics, she's a Pastor ,and refused to support back then while I look after this boy. That period was when my investments was going down and I was even admitted in the hospital after having a heart condition that scared me and the doctors. To cover my medical bills, keep ,myself afloat and take care of my brother in my custody that period I had to sell my car which further worsened my financial condition.

THIS MAN HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT CHAOS, A FRAUD, A STAIN ON WHAT CHRISTIANITY IS AND WORSE OF IT ALL WILL DESTROY HIS FAMILY IF GIVEN THE CHANCE. 2020 after reconciliation I had a big fight with my younger sister because of this man and not until last year I settled with my sister and this man was not even happy with the peace I made. He wants to use me to attack my Mom and my sisters and only when he sees you are against them would he embrace you. I want to cut him off completely as between 2015-2020 I witnessed personal, financial and spiritual growth as opposed to having him in my life and his attempt to control me into self destruction. The depressions I had got worse with him and I had to fall into weed and booze to escape the madness. However I am recovering and pulling myself together and do not intend to bring him back to my life.

Read your story word for word and I do really feel for you. Is sad we can't choose family. I can relate with everything you wrote out here. If staying away from your dad will give you peace of mind please go ahead. However, do not hesitate to do the needful in terms of support when the needs arises.

Shezzman:
Read your story word for word and I do really feel for you. Is sad we can't choose family. I can relate with everything you wrote out here. If staying away from your dad will give you peace of mind please go ahead. However, do not hesitate to do the needful in terms of support when the needs arises.

Thank You

Take it easy.
Thank God you didn't say they disappear and reappear in the family or tell a particular person his final stature from a birth.

From your account, your dad is toxic and pushes negative energy. You are a full blown adult and let go of that relationship and focus on your own life.

I could not finish reading your post. It's too long. Just focus on your life.

I think u particularly need JESUS!!

being:
I think u particularly need JESUS!!

What makes you think I don't have him

Op learn to mind ya biz.

Reporting ya brother is a no no…

Mind ya biz….

Under Tinubus govt you want us to read this epistle.

It is very tough and hopefully, your story will teach our young men who thinks raiding should child in a good home is out of place.

That said you didn't say much about your younger sister your day refused to train. Hope she is doing very well now.

As for your brother, he is an adult. I will advice you take maybe a weekend trip together to bond more. Make him realize he is an adult and by law, he is responsible for his action. Make him understand the end of those involved in such vices.

Lastly, if you are Yoruba or understand Yoruba, play this song by Funmi Adam's titled Omode o. Here's the link:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=24azHC9PcV8?feature=shared

I wish your family the best.

I comment my reserve

Family issues, na Family matter. My hand no dey

How will I read this thing with the hunger i am feeling right now.

Hmmm that's a touching story right there. Well I will be honest with you. Do exactly as you think you should which is to CUT EM OFF! Your Dad doesn't look like someone who is going to turn a new leaf anytime soon, and your brother is deadly and may hurt or even kill you if care isn't taken. Imagine your own brother making such heavy allegations against you despite the fact that you are only trying to draw him close and teach him proper manners. Same guy blew his school fees, heavily Into drugs and obviously has no life goals.
If your Poppa wants to ruin his life, let him do so. That shouldn't bother you much cos they obviously don't want you in...


If you continue to keep close with such person, he might begin to envy your progress in life and come hunting you down. Yes, he's capable of that, going by this story of yours. Also, you said getting closer to them has affected your growth and plunged you to problems. I'm sure you don't want that to keep happening to you Bro...

MR Man, Focus on yourself, your Mom and your Sister for now. Thank God your Older Sis has escaped the madness already and you're doing the best you can for yourself too. Focus on helping your Momma and kid Sis and if possible, keep them far away from those people. Forget your Old Man and that guy completely. Stay away from them and watch from afar cos You don't need them. If God wants, you all will be cool with each other later in life. And if not, let it be that way... Peace!

This story na omoooooo!

Well, do what gives you peace.

Your father is not a real nigga. Damn!!!

Are you sure you are truly your father's blood?

I didn't read

Keep praying for your family and your father most especially. Nairaland will not help you.

You need course breaking and deliverance from foundational strong hold

millstone:

What makes you think I don't have him

You have him and u are still into hook up??

Ok

Damn...your Dad took using " rod to part Seas " of Moses too seriously.

Sorry for your predicament but mehnnn, my head was spinning at a particular paragraph...he went through like 7 different women.

Just try to advise him - it's unlikely he would listen.

You can contact me for more

Wow

Many of the people who keep side chicks won't read this story.

Having affairs can nuke your marriage and your life.

The annoying fact is that the father is supposed to be a pastor.

Anyway, if you marry,don't sleep around. Man or woman, just don't.

The attention you supose to give your mum based on all her efforts on you is what you are giving your dad, that's why you are having it rough.

This your family is chaotic abeg, omo you guys will be better off without your father

What a dead beat dad u have bro. Phew!

TheFacelessMan:


Damn...your Dad took using " rod to part Seas " of Moses too seriously.

Is he Chris Oyakhilome ?

I believe pastor Chris has 2 girls, and his divorce was more more recent,so no.

Rod of moses